Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had another not too exciting of a day today.I simply ran another errand for my mom today.It was to get a few things for the home today.It was nothing really too special.It was just to get some coffee and some donuts over at Dunkin Donuts.Before that,I paid a visit with a friend of mine to see if they had gotten the stuff that I had left them.They said that they did.But while there,I got a rude awakening.They asked me to loan them $5.00 because he was in need of his diabetic medication.I loaned them the money though I really did not want to.But I know that they will pay me the money back when they can.They also know of my policy regarding money being loaned out.They know that I will not loan them any more money until they pay me what they owe me back.I have to simply withdraw some money out of my account for lunch tomorrow.Don't get me wrong,I have no problem with them borrowing money from me and they have no problem with my policy regarding when I do this.But when I am asked to do that with money that I was holding for another reason,this really makes me feel very angry and even uncomfortable.But again,I know that I will get the money back from them when they have it.They simply told me to come back in a few days to get it back.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went great.It was yet another successful night for me.I was well received as always and the crowd liked my song selections.There was a little criticism from a female patron over a couple of selections that I had made,she did like my final song,which was The Gambler by Kenny Rogers.Still,despite that criticism,it was a successful night.I had a blast and it made me feel good to entertain them as much as they enjoyed me doing it for them.That is my sole motivator.I look forward to next Saturday night even more now and every Saturday night even more.
Tomorrow is my day off.I will be seeing a counselor tomorrow afternoon that I had learned about via Exodus International.I am hoping that the first session goes over well.I am looking forward to telling the counselor my story as to what led me to have SSA and other stuff that had happened over my life.Again,I am hoping that the session goes well.
For the rest of the night,I have really no plans.But I just might stay home and take it easy or maybe go out for a quick drink before turning in.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good,hopeful and optimistic.I had a not too exciting of a day today.I simply ran a couple of errands for my mom and I dropped something off at a friend's house.I also managed to have a light sandwich at a restaurant to tie me over until dinner.The best thing about today is that the sun was shining but the heat and humidity of the past several days was not happening.It was pretty cool.The sun also was not that hot either.It was a nice day.The errands were only small things that I had to do because we needed a few things for the home.Again,it was not too bad of a day and I got a lot accomplished.
Right now,I am at home relaxing.I just had a light dinner and I am feeling good.I am getting ready for tonight.I am going to be singing up a storm tonight.I do not know what I will do but I know that it will be special.I am hoping that the night goes well for me.Though I rarely,if ever,have an off night,I still always hope for everything to go well.You never know what might happen.I am thinking of trying something a little different with my singing tonight.I don't know what that something will be.But I hope that it works out for the better and the night is a success.
Tomorrow is Sunday.I have not made any plans but I hope that whatever I do,I hope that it is something that will benefit me.On Monday,I will be seeing a new counselor.I am hoping that the initial counseling session goes good.
That was my day today and my hoped for night tonight.Also,my hopes for tomorrow and the day after that.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better than yesterday.Today,I managed to get much of my computer work done with no problems.That was great.I did manage to get a lot done this morning before going to work this afternoon.I still have to do a little bit more before calling it a day.
Earlier tonight,I had a talk with an old friend that I had not talked to in a long time.It was great to talk to him.I talked with him for almost a whole 90 minutes.It was a great conversation that I had with him.We even made plans to get together in the near future.It would be truly neat to get together with him.We did talk about a lot of things.It would be neat to talk with face to face once again.
The work shift today went by smoothly.There was not a mess at the pick up site.The day went by well.For most of the day,the weather was HAZY,HOT & HUMID but it got stormy in the late afternoon.The sky started getting dark as I was driving home.I had to stop at the post office to mail out a couple of important checks to a couple of creditors.On the way home,it started out with light rain then it hailed when I was in the area where I live.I had to stop at Blockbuster to pick up another movie and I went to cash my paycheck.When I was at the bank,it was a torrential downpour that turned back into hail and back to torrential rain and thunder.I managed to make it home but I had to go back out to withdrawl some more money at the bank.When I arrived back home,I stayed home for a while to wait for the storm to end.When it did,I went out to get something to eat.
I am now at home relaxing.It is now a pretty cool evening.The storm did manage to help cool things down.I hope that this continues for a while.
Tomorrow night is my night to sing for the crowd.I am hoping the night goes well.It always makes me better appreciate when the weekend arrives.I always look forward to entertaining the crowd and it is the best thing about the weekend for me.
That was my day today and my hoped for night tomorrow night.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.The main contributor why I am feeling this way because I had computer issues for most of the day.I was trying to do my personal e-mail work but had some problems.While I was trying to advance into the next message in my inbox,I,every few seconds,got a "That Page Can Not Be Displayed" message and even after refreshing and getting it back,I got the same thing a few seconds later.Not only that,I also was replying to an Ebay message and when I signed out,I got 34 windows popping up.I do not know how that happened nor why it happened.But I managed to get rid of them all and I restarted my computer.To be on the safe side,I did a complete virus scan to see if there was anything in my computer data base that was not supposed to be there.Fortunately,my computer was clean of any threats such as viruses and spyware but I also restarted it again after not being able to connect to the internet.The best thing was that I managed to finish my personal e-mail work without any more problems.
The work shift today went by smoothly.But I was still tired due to the heat and humidity.It was even more HAZY,HOT & HUMID that it was yesterday.The temps went up to 93 degrees.The heat and humidity on the drive home made me tired.I also had to stop and pick something up on the way home.As a result of my tiredness when I got home,I layed down for much of the afternoon.It was kind of boring but it was HOT outside.I did not want to go anywhere nor did I feel like going anywhere.
I even managed to turn in some bottles and cans that had accumiliated in my trunk over the past several days.I was glad to get them out because there was a lot in there and I wanted to have more room for important things.It was a pretty good sum of money.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.I will be doing my usual singing for the crowd on Saturday night.I am hoping that the night goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a very smooth pick-up day today.There was no big messes to clean,which made me feel better.I was afraid that there would be a big mess.But there was none.I am glad.For the rest of the afternoon,I stayed home and relaxed.There was nothing to do anyway.I relaxed and watched a little bit more of the DVD's that I bought.
It was a HAZY,HOT & HUMID day today.I was really sweating up pretty much as I was driving home after dropping off the laundry.Before I went home,I picked up something for the home and I relaxed for most of the afternoon.It was also very quiet today.I rarely ever have a quiet afternoon anymore.So,I savored this for a while.I enjoyed it pretty much.
Tonight,the group meeting at the church went great.We had a new guy join us for tonight's meeting.It was once again great to hear all the men tell their stories and have the opportunity to share mine.It was wonderful.It was great to relieve myself of a lot more excess emotional baggage.I am looking forward to the next meeting.
I had just gotten a phone call from a counselor in Williamsville.I have an appointment with her on Monday at 3:00p.m.I am looking forward to meeting with her.I hope that the meeting goes well.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes by well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty smooth work day.The only thing was that it was unexpectedly cut in half today due to some of the work staff going to a special meeting this afternoon.I simply bagged what I had done and I dropped it off at the rehabilitation center and headed for home.
I was still a little tired.The shift went by smoothly but the heat and humidity on the way home was what tired me out.I simply laid down and watched some of the new DVD's that I bought yesterday.It was great to relax a bit after the day's work even though it was cut short.But still,I am still going to be paid a full work day because nobody told me that this was.
After I relaxed for a while,I went out to run an errand for mom.I had to withdrawl some money from her account on her behalf.After I got home,I ate and waited for the weather to cool down before finishing the day's errand.After that,I came home and bathed.I now feel a bit better.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I hope that there is no mess to clean.I have the rest of the afternoon off.Tomorrow night is another support group meeting at the church.I hope that the meeting goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a not too eventful of a day today.I simply went out for some air earlier today around the town.I did manage to stop in a Dollar General store in the downtown area of the city that I live in and I picked up a three DVD set of Davey & Goliath cartoons that were in a bargain box.They were simply 2 for $6.00.There were three in there so I bought all three of them.I remember Davey & Goliath from when I was a little boy.I used to watch this on TV almost every morning before I went to school.In my area,this came on every other day in two parts and they would show it in it's entirety on Sunday.I was thrilled to add another piece of my childhood back into my life once again.I am also happy to have these in my ever growing DVD library.I can share them one day with my eldest grand niec when it is only her and not the other two.Again,it's great to have another piece of my childhood back into my life.
My grand nieces and my grand nephew were here for most of the afternoon.They were here for only a few hours.I simply did my computer work and stayed upstairs for much of the time until they left.I have nothing personal against them.I just needed some peace and quiet to myself.I was hoping for that this afternoon until this spur of the moment things came up.After my niece picked them up,my mom and I ate.While I was upstairs and later while I was eating,I did a scan on my computer to see if there was something in my data base but there was nothing.Thanks goodness that it was all clean.I only did this because there was an issue with my computer today.The screen simply froze and I had to unplug the computer and turn it back on again.I also had to restart it a few times to get it going right because I had a hard time connecting to the internet for a short time afterwards.Right now,my computer is working good and I am glad and relieved.
Tomorrow is a work day for me.I hope that the day goes by smoothly.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.I really did not do anything too special.I simply ran an errand for my mom today.I picked up a little something that we needed for dinner tonight.It was a light dinner that we had and it wasn't too special.But it was pretty good and the time was very quiet.
I also had a talk with a friend of mine that lives out of town and he is doing good.I am glad to hear that.I did talk about my two relapses this week and I explained that it was my emotional state of feeling at edge that led to the relapses.He felt that I was going to be okay and I should not worry too much about it.It did make me feel better.It was great to talk to him.
I am now at home relaxing.It is quiet at the moment.The weather has cooled down and I am feeling a bit more at ease.I guess that it is just anticipating the new week and wondering what is in store for the week.I know that I will be working and stuff but I still need to prepare and anticipate what will be and what won't be.Again,I am just getting ready for it to start.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went over well.There was not too many people out but I still had some to entertain.I sang up a storm last night and it was great.The crowd loved it and one lady even thanked me for doing a certain song for her.It made me feel good.I am looking forward to next week.I don't know how it will be.But I am hoping that it goes over well.
Tomorrow is a day off.I have nothing special planned.I really do not know what I will be doing.But I hope that whatever I do,it helps me in a positive way.
That was my day today and my night last night as well as my hopes for the next day.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better.I had a pretty good day today.I did not do too much because there was not really an awful lot to do.I simply ran an errand for my mom today.I also paid a visit with a friend for a few minutes.He and his live in girlfriend are doing okay.I only spent a few minutes with them because when I got there,they were on their way out to go somewhere.I left to finish the errand and I went home.
I have had dinner and I am now relaxing.Before I ate,I bathed and shaved because I am going out later tonight.I want to make sure that I am clean and neat.It pays to be neat anyway,especially if you're going to do what I am going to do tonight.I am going to be singing up a storm tonight and I am hoping that the night goes by well.Though I rarely,if ever,have an off night,I always still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.But again,I am hoping that the night goes well for me.
As stated above,I am feeling better tonight.After that awful relapse last night,I can now put it behind me.I am still taking life one day at a time and if I can get through one day without a relapse or losing it,Great.There is still tomorrow and the day after that and so on.Again,I am going to take life one day at a time.
Tomorrow is Sunday.I have not made plans for tomorrow.I think that I will just take it easy.I do have to prepare for the coming week ahead.
That was my day today and my hoped for night tonight.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty busy day today.I worked another full Friday today.I did some cleaning around the place this morning and in the afternoon,I did my normal laundry job.While the day went by smoothly,I did have to contend with the scorching heat of summer while I was driving home today.It rained for much of the morning but it was HAZY,HOT & HUMID for the rest of the day.I was glad to get home after cashing my paycheck.
After I rested for a few minutes,I ran an errand for my mom.I had to pick up only a few small things at a local supermarket.When I got home,we ate a light dinner.After that,I concentrated on my personal computer work and did a virus scan.The scan came back positive.There were no viruses or spyware.I feel good now that I know my computer is clean,for now.
The only really bad thing to happen is that I relapsed for the second consecutive time this week.This time,I looked at some disgusting,degrading and disturbing pornographic written stories and I masturbated while reading them.I did feel bad for a while afterwards but after askingthe creator to forgive me for what I did,I felt better.I now have to work extra hard in resisting the temptation to look at something like that again.
I am glad that the weekend is finally here.I will be singing up a storm tomorrow when I go out to entertain.I am hoping that the night goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty hard day today.The work shift went by smoothly but the heat and humidity on the way home made it feel harder.I drove home after picking up a couple of things at the supermarket for dinner tonight.
When I got home,I was hoping for a nice quiet afternoon.But instead,I came home to an unexpected happening.My grand nieces and grand nephew were over.I really was not in the mood for that.I was tired and a little edgy and technically,I was not in the mood.I stayed in my room upstairs at home while they were there.I tried to take a nap but the noise from them made it difficult if not impossible for me to do that.I was lucky to finish my personal computer work today despite all of that.When I finished,the noise became unbearable that I decided to get out of the house for a while to help relieve me of some of the stress of all that.It did help.I managed to buy a few more record albums at a Salvation Army thrift shopp in my area and it made me forget about what was at home.After paying for them,I headed for home.It did rain while I was driving home but it was not that bad.It was a light rain shower but again,I did forget about what was going on at home and it did make me feel a little bit better.
When I got home,I had a nice quiet dinner with no noise and I took it easy for the rest of the day after that.It was great to finally have at least a little bit of quiet.After the hard work day and coming home to the menagerie there,it was great to finally have it quiet for a little bit.
Tomorrow is my first full work day in quite a while.I will be taking over for a cleaner who will not be working tomorrow morning due to illness.I will be doing my usual laundry in the afternoon afterwards.After that,it will be back to normal for me,schedule wise.I am hoping that the day goes by well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a mixed bag of a day today.This morning,while trying to stay awake so I could do my Wednesday pick-up,I relapsed.The old sexual images of men crept back into my mind because of my emotional state at that moment,which was on the verge of anger,I masturbated.Yes I did.I gave into temptation by doing just that.I did feel miserable for a awhile afterwards even after I asked the creator in Heaven to forgive me.I was seroiusly depressed afterwards even though I truly believed that I was forgiven for falling.The only really good things to happen was that the pick up went smoothly and my appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor also went great.Still,despite these good things,I still felt depressed over relapsing and it really was a crushing weight on me for most of the day.Before I left the house for my support group meeting at the church,I did take two St.John's Wort capsules to help ease my depression and they gradually worked.I drove to the meeting afterwards.
The meeting actually went great.I shared my relapse with them and they did not judge me nor labeled me with any names or negative labels.It is like that they understood what I was going through and that it was okay.Just arriving there and being there as an active participant sharing what went on today,including my relapse really made me feel better.I feel great now knowing that I am forgiven and I can simply leave that at the side of the road(so to speak)and move on.Again,I am feeling better and that is good.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes by smoothly.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty smooth work day today.The best thing about it is that I did not have to pick up after anybody.It was all bagged and ready.I simply packed them into my car and away I went to the worksite.
When I arrived there,I sorted everything out and started two loads immediately.Afterwards,I went over to the social club next door to socialize a little.They were showing a move entitled Pearl,which was based on the attack on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese in 1941 during WWII.I did not watch the whole movie but parts of it.I still had to concentrate on my job,which I did.After lunch,I went back down into the basement to finish my job.After that,I bagged some clean laundry and dropped it off at the center.I also had to do a couple of things for my mom before coming home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed a bit and I also got a couple of packages that I was expecting to come.The first was a 6 record album of Frank Sinatra songs and a book called the Big Blue Marble atlas,which was inspired by the TV show of the same name that I used to watch when I was a kid.Overall,a pretty good day.
I even had a talk with a friend of mine today and he and his wife are doing great with the exception of a tragedy that had happened in his family.He lost a close nephew of his at a very young age.He was not in an upbeat mood because of this and he really did not want to talk too much.Aside from that,they are both in good health and they are doing good.I am glad about that but at the same time,I was sad that he lost his nephew.I hate ity when people die too young.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I also have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor and I have my weekly support group meeting at the church.I am hoping that both go well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a not too eventful day today.After I woke up and ate,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.After the mail came,I went to the laundromat to was some T-shirts of mine that needed to be washed.These were not my undershirts but casual shirts that I wear all the time.I had a pretty good day there.The time went by fast.The only negative thing to happen was that a couple of Black ladies took over the table that I was sitting at.I simply found another table to sit at and simply let the ladies be.There was no need to argue with them.Plus,I wasn't in the mood to argue,anyway.Before arriving at the laundromat,I stopped at a thrift shop and found some more great records and tapes to add to my ever growing collection of each of these.Overall,not to eventful of a day.
The weather today was a mixed bag.It started out with some sun and then got cloudy.There was also a small dripple of rain.Fortunately,I was heading for home when that little bit of rain was falling.I only went straight home just in case that it would storm because it looked like that it might.That so-called storm did not happen but the day is not over yet.It could still happen.
I am at home at the moment.I am relaxing and I am getting ready for the work day tomorrow.I am hoping that the day goes by smoothly.
Last night,I did stop at the place where I sing at and had a nice friendly drink with a couple of guys.I had a good time talking with them.It was also great to simply relax and just be one of the guys with them.I am looking forward to this the next time.
That was my day today,my night last night and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I have a pretty good day today.The weather was nice and sunny.The best of that is there was no humidity.It was a mild sunny day.I took a little drive to another area of New York state today and it was great.I got to talk to a few people and that was a pretty good thing.I even stopped by a park today and took a walk around the place to loosen up some energy.It was great to get out and enjoy the nice weather today.I felt pretty good and the air was right.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went great.I had a blast.There were quite a few people there last night and I even had a couple of guys at a table singing with me the song Heartbreak Hotel by Elvis Presley.It was fun.The audience really enjoyed my selections and that was great.I had a blast entertaining them and that made me feel good.I can hardly wait to do it again next Saturday night and I am hoping that it is as super as it was last night.
I even had a talk with a friend from New Jersey and that was a great conversation.He said that he was doing good and that was great.It makes me feel good to know that a friend is doing good.I am looking forward to talking with him again.
Tomorrow is a day off.I have not made any plans for tomorrow but I do know that whatever I do.I know that it will be something good.
That was my day today and my night last night as well as my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling prettyy good.I had a not too eventful day today.I simply ran a few errands for my mom today because I had to pick up a few things for dinner.Before I ran the errands,I stopped in on a friend and his live-in girlfriend to see how they were both doing.They were both doing pretty good.I sat and talked with them for a few minutes and they also had to do some stuff.I left and finished what I had to do.I picked up everything my mom needed and I went home.I had a bath and we ate dinner.
The weather today was mild.The sun was shining but there was no humidity.This was very easy to deal with.It was also a nice break after all the humidity that we have had to deal with for a while.Again,nice weather today and that was great.A nice break from all the humidity.
I am going to be doing my usual entertaining the crowd tonight.I am looking forward to singing up a storm for my friends tonight and that is great.I am hoping that the night goes well.Though I rarely,if ever,have an off night,I still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.But I am keeping an upbeat mood and I have a feeling that it will be a great night.
Tomorrow is Sunday.I do not know what I will do tomorrow but I know that whatever I do,I hope that it is something special and fun.
That was my day today and my hoped for night tonight.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better.I had a pretty smooth work day today.I was called into work by my supervisor today because the normal morning cleaner person called in sick and they called me to fill in.I agreed and I went into work to do some cleaning around the work place.It wasn't too hard.I actually held down a cleaning job once before and this was pretty much a snap.I did it in about 2 hours.After that,I did my afternoon job,which is the usual laundry.After I dropped off the clean,I went to a Blockbuster in the area and bought a new movie and I also bought three more at a Dollar Tree store that was next door.I also stopped at the bank and cashed my paycheck.Overall,a pretty smooth work day.
I am just glad that the weekend is finally here.It was a pretty mixed bag of emotions for me this week and I am glad that it's over finally.I am looking forward to singing up a storm tomorrow night.I am hoping to try at least one new song tomorrow night.If not,there is always next week.But I am looking forward to tomorrow night as much as I do every Saturday night.I am hoping that the night goes well.
I did a virus scan on my computer and there was a virus on it.It was a Trojan Horse type virus called Trojan.ByteVerify and I had to do the normal routine to remove it from the system.I am hoping that I have succeeded.I have to do another scan tonight to make sure that I have.I am hoping that it's gone.
Other than that,it was a pretty good day today.I am hoping that the weekend goes well enough.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

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Tonight,I am actually feeling better than I was yesterday.I had a pretty good day today.I went to do the laundry pick-up today and it was easy.There was no big mess to clean up and that was wonderful.When i got home,I went back to bed because I still felt tired due to a lack of sleep the night before.When I woke up,I felt refreshed and I went to run an errand for my mom today afterwards.I took it easy for much of the afternoon.
Later this afternoon,my niece called and said that she needed somebody to babysit her children because she had just got called into work to fill in for somebody who had called in sick.It was one of those spur of the moment things.But I did not stay home for too long when they were dropped off.I had a meeting tonight and after I ate a light dinner,I left.
The meeting was wonderful.We had a lot more men in the group tonight.Last week,we did not have too many but tonight,there was quite a bit of men there to get whatever they had to get off of their chests.It was great for me to hear some of what the men had to say and it was also great for me to get relieve myself of some more emotional baggage that had piled up over the past few day,including my relapse.Again,the meeting was wonderful and I got quite a bit out of it tonight.I am definitely looking forward to the next meeting.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes smoothly for me.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.I had a pretty smooth work day today.But something happened within me mentally that I do not know.All of a sudden,I started saying angry things to myself this afternoon as I was driving home.I do not know what sparked it and I guess that I will never know.I am hoping that this does not happen for a long time because I do not want to scare anybody away from me nor do I want to make anybody afraid of approaching me.That would really made me feel down if this would happen.I would also feel all alone if it were to happen.I don't want that to happen.I want people to approach me and even want to talk to me.I have not done that in quite a while.All of a sudden,I am starting all over again and I don't know what sparked this again.Again,I don't want people to be afraid of me nor do I want to make people afraid of approaching me.I am not going to dwell on this but I am going to continue to work on this until I can get to the root of the problem.I don't want to do this forever and I want to keep an even balance of my emotions.
What also added to this dilemma is that I masturbated.I felt miserable at first when I gave into this temptation.Not only that,my emotional state also contributed to why I gave in to this.Since I was in a negative emotional state,I was starting to have mental images of men with or without clothes on or even without their pants on and their genitals at full erection.I also had an image of me romancing with another man and performing sexual favors for them,mostly oral sex,which was my addiction before I started abandoning the Gay lifestyle.I have only had frequent occasional flashbacks but this was the first time in a long time that I was inundated with so much that I did not know whether I was coming or going.After giving in,I asked the creator to forgive me and then I forgave myself afterwards.I felt better after doing that and I am feeling a little bit better.But I am going to talk with the creator again tonight before I go to sleep.I still have an awful lot to talk with him tonight.I am just hoping that the rest of the week goes well enough.I don't need any more of what happened to me today emotionally.
Tomorrow is simply a pick up day.It won't be that long.After doing that,I can go home and rest up.I also have a meeting with my support group at the church and I am hoping that the meeting goes well,too.The weather is supposed to be wet tomorrow and there is really not a lot to do when it rains.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.The day was pretty nice and not as humid.It did rain this morning and early this afternoon for starters but the weather was nice throughout the day and that was good.
I did not do too much today.I ran an errand for my mother to get a few things for her today.I also helped a friend clean out his garage and he gave me a whole bunch of empty bottles and cans as a way of saying Thanks for all my help.I turned them in while I was running the errand for my mom and it was quite a bit of money.That was great.I also had to turn them in because I needed to have room to put the laundry bags tomorrow morning when I do the pick-up to start my work day.Not only that,some of the people around my work place would also be bugging me about me having them in my car because of some of the client's past problems with drugs and alcohol.I can sympathize with that.But also,a person working to overcome drugs and alcohol will usually give in because they wanted to give in to their old habit and simply use the empty bottles as a crutch(i.e.excuse)to give into their old habits that they are trying to give up.But again,I do sympathize with their policies and their concerns and I turned them in to avoid any confrontations.
I also managed to stop in a Salvation Army thrift shop in my area and I bought a bunch of 45 r.p.m.records,a few old tapes and some more dress pants and shorts.Again,not too eventful of a day but it was great to get out in the community and just be around other people for a while.I had some fun and I did help someone I knew out.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the work day goes by smoothly.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling great.I had a very good day today.It was very eventful.The day was also sunny out and I had a feeling that I was going to have a wonderful day.
Today,me and my mom went to my uncle's 50th anniversary party and it was a great party.My uncle and his wife were glad to see us.I was also glad to see all of my cousins and we talked about lots of things.The main event of this was that my uncle and my aunt renewed their wedding vows with a priest there to make it happen.It was a wonderful experience.After the renewed vows,the priest sat down with some of his relatives and I had some talks with them.The priest was a swell guy with a great sense of humor.His relatives were swell people,too.They also had a slide show reflecting on the 50 years that they were married and even that was something.Each and everybody there marveled at this on how everybody in the family had changed and matured through the course of their lives and how my uncle and his wife's marriage had gotten stronger through those years.There was also a lot of food to go around.I did eat alot,I admit.But I had fun and I did not have to eat anything else throughout the day and that was good.I actually had lunch and dinner at the same place at the same time.It saved my mom from cooking something at home.Again,a wonderful day and lots of stuff to talk about for many years to come.
Last night,my night of singing was also wonderful.There was also quite a few people there like last week.Of course,it was not as much but it was still a great big crowd and that was terrific.I was well received for all the songs that I did and that made me feel even better about what I did.It also motivates me to do it again next Saturday night and the Saturday night after that.There were some guys and their girlfriends there who actually sang alongside me as I sang the Toby Keith song I Love This Bar because I dedicated the song to them.They also like all the other songs that I sang as well and again,that made me feel good.As stated,it motivates me to do it again and again.I love and enjoy what I do and I can hardly wait for next Saturday night.I am hoping that next Saturday night will be great.
Last night did not start off too positively.One of the female bartenders suffered really bad chest pains and could not hardly breathe or even talk.Many of the people who were outside with her were waiting for an ambulance to take her to the local hospital because they were afraid that she was having a heart attack or something.The ambulance arrived to take her to the hospital to have her analyzed to see what was going wrong.Fortunately,it was just the stress of working too much that made her suffer the chest pains and that her heart was okay and nothing else was wrong.The doctor advised her to stay off her feet for a while and rest.He also assured that she would be fine in just several weeks.
Tomorrow is my day off.I don't know what I am going to do but I know it will be fun or vice versa.
That was my day today,my night last night and my hoped for day tomorrow.

Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better.I had a pretty good nights sleep and that made me feel the way I do.I had a not too eventful day.For most of the day,it rained pretty much.It was just a light rain shower that stopped for a minute or two and started again throughout the day.It was just a mixed weather bag that did not seem to let up.
Despite it not being too eventful of a day,I did manage to get a few errands done.I had to get an anniversary card for my uncle and his wife because it is going to be their 50th Wedding Anniversary party tomorrow evening.I am hoping that the party goes well.I will be seeing some cousins of mine whom I have not seen in a long time.Again,I am hoping that the party goes over well.I am hoping to reconnect with some family members who I haven't spoken with in quite a long time.I hope that this will be well worth going to tomorrow.
Tonight,I am looking forward to my usual entertaining the crowd.I am looking forward to this with a lot of enthusiasm and optimism.I am hoping that the night goes well for me.Though I rarely,if ever,have an off night,I always still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.Also,a friend and his girlfriend are hoping to meet with me tonight as well.I am hoping that this will be a fun night for me and for them as well.I look forward to doing this every week during the work week and when the night arives,I look forward to doing what I enjoy doing best.It always makes me feel good to make others happy.
That was my day today,my hoped for night tonight and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am again feeling mixed emotions.I had a very frustrating day today.The work day started out promising but it later turned into a mess.It started after I got my lunch at the social club.After I got my lunch,there was a little bit of pasta salad as a side dish and since I am not a huge fan of pasta salad,I decided to let someone else have it rather than wasting it.Because I feel that it is not right to waste food after somebody has worked hard to prepare it for other people.When some of the people did not want it,I simply left it in the middle of the table while I ate an Italian sausage,which was the main portion.A very inconsiderate member of the social club actually had the nerve to state "I Guess Nobody Wants It",especially since I did not ask him for his opinion on the subject and I politely and simply informed him that I did not ask for his opinion and that I really did not appreciate that.He just laughed at me.But he was not through with me.He deliberately bumped me on the side of me and even had the nerve to say "Excuse Me" to make it look alright and even tried to play innocent and naive as way of getting sympathy from the social club staff that was there at the time.When I expressed how I felt regarding it in an angry but calm tone of voice,he had the nerve to threaten violence on me by stating that he would knock my block off if he caught me out in the community.He did leave and said that he was done there for the day but he did come back frequently during the afternoon.I simply shrugged and went down in the basement to do my job and not pay any mind to it.Before I did start my job,I actually waited half an hour for my mood to calm down before starting my job because I did not want anybody around saying the wrong thing to me and I would explode.I did not want to take any chances of hurting anybody or even myself.After waiting that half an hour,where I talked with somebody for that time span,I felt better though I was still at edge after what happened.Fortunately for me,the rest of the work day went by smoothly and there were no problems.
When the social club coordinator came back later in the afternoon,I talked with him about what had happened and he said that he would look into this the minute that he had a chance.I will be checking back with him on Tuesday to see what the results are.I am hoping that something can be done to help reduce stuff like this.What happened today did not have to happen and I wish that some people would be considerate of other's feelings and not the opposite where they wind up hurting them.I also wish that more people would understand that their immature actions can hurt others if they are not careful.But as always,you can't always get people to be the way you'd like them to be.Let alone get angry when somebody causes problems.Oh Well.Live and learn.
With what happened today,I am just glad that the weekend is finally here.I am looking forward to entertaining the crowd tomorrow night.I am looking forward to that with a lot of enthusiasm and optimism.I am hoping that the night tomorrow night goes well.Not only that,a friend of mine and his girlfriend are hoping to be there tomorrow night.The night ought to be interesting and fun.
That was my day today and my hoped for day and night tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.I am feeling a little bit of joy,a little bit frustration and mostly angry and at edge.Why?It is over what had happened today at work.While my job went smoothly,I had a run in with the coordinator at the social club today.It was an issue regarding the social club computer on my use of it on Tuesday.
While I was on the social club computer checking out the latest weather report,he called me over and I asked "Is There Something Wrong?" and he answered by saying "I Don't Know.It Depends On What You Have To Say For Yourself."
When I walked into another room with him,he told me that he found some pornographic images in the internet history on the computer consisiting of nude ladies and stuff like that.I had to really assure him that I knew nothing of this and that I did not log on to any site of that nature and that I didn't know how those images got on to there.He even asked if anything popped up on the computer while I was on there and I answered him "NO",which was the truth.For about 2 minutes,I had to keep reassuring him that I knew nothing of anything of that nature and again,I did not log on to anything inappropriate.He said "Okay,We'll Let It Go At That For Now.Just Be Careful.If Anything Pops Up That Isn't Supposed To Be There,Let Us Know."I answered by saying "Okay" and went back on the computer.After checking out a Wikipedia page,I closed off the internet and went back to the basement to finish my shift and I stayed there until lunchtime.I even read from my Life Recovery Bible during the time that I was waiting for the laundry to get done.Before I did go back,I had a talk with another social club staffer about this problem and also assured her that I really did not do anything wrong and I also did not log on to any inappropriate websites during my time on Tuesday.She said that she would look into it and see what could be causing this.
What really amazed me was that I did not get angry nor did I lose my temper during that talk with the coordinator today regarding that social club computer issue.I don't know what it could be.I must be doing something right.I don't know if it's going to the support group at the church each week or if it's the creator in Heaven helping me out.I don't know.But whatever it is,I hope that it continues to work for me.
When I got home this afternoon,I took my mom grocery shopping so we could have some food for the whole month.The shopping trip went well enough and after I got home,I simply checked out some new DVD's that I bought at Blockbuster Video because they still have that sale where you can get 2 Previously Viewed DVD's for free when you buy 2 of them,which I bought after work.I also had to return later to get a new case because one of them had the insides which hold the DVD in place broken.They simply apologized and put the DVD and the accompanying picture label in the new case.Overall,a day with some mixed fortunes and I am hoping that tomorrow works out better.
Tomorrow is yet another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes by smoothly.After that,it's the weekend.I will be glad for that.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty decent day today.Though the day started out frustrating with me picking up a small mess at the drug/alcohol rehab center,I managed to have a pretty good day.After I dropped the laundry off at the work site,I simply drove straight home because I felt tired due to a lack of sleep the previous night.I had a difficult time getting to sleep the previous night due to all the heat and humidity that was around.I had both my window and table top fans going but I still could not get to sleep.I tossed and turned repeatedly trying to get to get to sleep.I managed to doze off without realizing it and did not remember a thing until my mom called me up for breakfast this morning.When I got home,I slept for a few hours because I was tired and needed to get some sleep before I went crazy.When I woke up,I felt better and went out to do an errand for the home.While out,I managed to have a light lunch to tie me over until dinner.
I went to my support group meeting at the church and the meeting was wonderful.I shared experiences from the past several days to them,including the Monday afternoon experience that I shared on here.It was great to have them listening to me and thanking me for sharing my story of the several days experience.It was also a relief to get all of it off of my chest.For that,I am greatful to be going to this group and to have found out about it.I do not know if I would have made it this far without them.The men are a swell bunch.I feel better now finding out about this and going to it.Yes I do.I look forward to the next meeting.I hope that it is as wonderful as this one.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes by smoothly.After work,I have to take my mom grocery shopping for the month.She has informed me that she needs to get some food in the house because it is needed.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a very smooth work day today.Nothing negative happened at work today and I again had a talk with the department head regarding the laundry bag problem and he talked with my supervisor about it and I guess that they are working on it as I am saying this.
Despite the smooth day,I was tired.The day was smooth but the weather,which was HAZY,HOT & HUMID like yesterday even on the drive home,really tired me out.Whne I got home.I was really tired from all the heat and humidity that I had to lay down and take it easy for awhile before returning a phone call that a friend made while I was on the way home.I just did not have the energy to make any phone calls due to the scorching summer weather that we have been experiencing in my hometown the past few days.I am hoping for relief very soon.We are suposed to get some rain tomorrow and that is supposed to cool the weather down for the rest of the week.I am hoping that it does because this heat and humidity have been driving me crazy.It does get bothersome and annoying after a while.Again,I am hoping that relief comes soon.
I did step out for a short time tonight.I stopped in at the place where I entertain for a few minutes to see how some of the people were doing.Apparently,it was a slow night tonight but that is to be expected during near mid-week.They did have a pizza party earlier in the evening so I had a few slices while I was there and I left.I went straight home because I do have to get up in the morning for work.
Tomorrow is simply a pick up day.I am hoping that the pick up works well,which means that I am hoping that there is no mess to pick up at the pick up place.I also have my Wednesday night support group meeting at the church and I am hoping that the meeting goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a not too eventful day today.The reason why the day was not too eventful was because of the weather being HAZY,HOT & HUMID.But I managed to get some stuff done today.I managed to make it to my appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor and the meeting with her went pretty good.After that,I went home to cool off before doing some more shopping.I went to pick up a half gallon of ice cream and I also went to a Burger King in my area for a ICEE cold drink.While there,I saw some young men sitting in some chairs and they were looking at me very unusually.I did not pay any attention to them as I was going to get my straw for my drink.As I was walking past them to get to a seat to enjoy my drink,one of them called me a faggot and the others laughed as he did so.Again,I paid no attention as I was walking past them and they left the restaurant soon after.I just sat down and started to sip my ICEE.When I finished,I disposed of my cup and I talked with an elderly couple before I left.They jokingly asked if it was hot enough for me and I jokingly answered "Yes it is."Again,I did not let what those young men did to me get the better of me.I know that I am not a Gay man.I was only sexually abused in that sense and that is what contributed to me having these SSA desires.I am still determined to overcome these desires and not let them control me or determine who I am.I know that I am NOT Gay and I also know that I,deep down,do not find men sexually attractive.I know what led me to having these desires and as stated,I am not going to let them control me nor will I let them determine who I am or determine my choice in sexual partners.I know that men and women were created to compliment each other and as stated,I am not going to let these SSA desires control me.I am also not going to let name calling determine who I am either.Faggot is simply a negative label and besides,traditionally,faggot is a bunch of twigs tied together,which is something I am not.I am a human being and I am also a man.I am determined to be the man that I want to be and not what the world wants to make me out to be.I know that I am not Gay.I only have the desires and I know that the desires can be changed with the right emotional support.I am still seeking that and I am not giving up.Apparently,those young men wanted to start something with me and they were disappointed that they did not get what they wanted from me.OH WELL!Live and learn.
The rest of the day went by pretty well.After I arrived home,I relaxed for a bit.I finished my personal computer work and I ate dinner.Before the day is through,I don't know what I will do.But I know that it will be something that will get me out in the community and that is what I am striving to do.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by smoothly.
That was my day and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty decent day today.I really did not do too much.I simply went for a drive to the North Tonawanda area to check out a Blockbuster Video in the area.I wanted to see if they had any decent DVD films to purchase.I did manage to buy one film.It was better than nothing.I also stopped at a Wendy's in the area and had some chicken nuggets to tie me over until I got home for dinner.On the way back to the city that I live in,I stopped at a classic car show at a park in the area and I saw a rare sight.I saw a 1971 Ford Pinto there.It was in brand new condition and the owner told me that it was all original.I told him that this is rare seeing a Pinto at a classic car show because due to the negative notoriety that they had aquired during that time,there are not too many around.But he assured me that this was the standard 2-door coupe and they alongside the station wagons were not the problem cars but only the three door hatchback's known as the Runabout's.He even told me that there were some for sale online but he does not know if he's going to get them or not.Still,it was great to see a few great cars and seeing the Pinto made the show for me.
Last night,the night was a success.There was a great big crowd there and that was awesome.This was also the first big crowd that I had seen in a long time there because the crowds in Saturday night's past have been pretty small to medium.Still,it was a delight seeing this big crowd and there were people that I had known who came in who I had not seen in quite a while and that was terrific.There were also some people there who were coming back from a wedding and they thought that they would stop in for a bit and have some fun.Some of the wedding guests who came there also sang a few tunes.Again,it was an awesome night and I had a great time singing up a storm.I sometimes wish that I did have that big a crowd most of the time so there are more people to entertain.Though I never let a small to medium amount of people stop me from doing what I love to do,I always wish that at times I had more.The more the merrier,I always say.But I know that a small crowd is better than having no crowd and I still always appreciate that no matter what.
Tomorrow is a day off.I still have some stuff to do.I have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor and I have to take my mom grocery shopping.But I still get to enjoy the rest of the day when I am finished.I am hoping that everything I have to do goes well.
Thatw as day today,my night last night and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better than yesterday.My stomach is feeling good and I am feeling better about myself.
I have had a very eventful day.I had to run a couple of errands for my mom and I also had my hair cut.The day was also sunny and mild and it was great to get out into the community and soak up a little bit of air.I was just happy to get out and enjoy myself.
I even had a talk with an old friend today and he's doing good.He and his girlfriend went to a rally in the city that I lived.I was too busy doing stuff for the home and myself to go there.But I told him that I hoped that he was having fun there and that he enjoys the rally.He did later call me back and said that the rally was great.
Tonight,I am also also feeling optimistic.I will be going out to entertain my friends tonight at the place where I sing.I am hoping that the night goes well.Though I rarely have an off night,I still hope for things to go well and that the night works out well.You never know what might happen.Again,I am hoping that the night goes well.
Tomorrow is Sunday.I do not know what I will do but I know that it might be fun no matter what.I am hoping that I do find something.If not,I will just hang out at home.
That was my day today,my hoped for night tonight and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty eventful day today.Today was the company picnic.I went to ot and it was okay.It's just the same old same old every year but I had nothing else to do today because it was my day off due to it.So,I went.I had some good stuff to eat and after almost an hour,I went to have some fun in the pool.I only stayed in teh pool for half and hour and after a shower,I went home.I was feeling pretty tired and I wanted to get home.The only stop that I made was to cash my paycheck at the bank and I headed home afterwards.After I got home,I unpacked my swin gear and went to bed to take a nap.I was tired and I needed to get some sleep.I have been losing sleep as of late due to the laundry bags and the nap did me a world of good.I felt a little bit better.But I still had one more obstacle to overcome.
The next difficult obstacle was that I had a hard time trying to go to the bathroom.I was constipated for almost an hour due to taking diarhea medicine yesterday because I had an attack of diarhea.After inserting two hemmorhoidal suppositories,with a few seconds,the waste matter came out and I felt better.Of course,it was still a painful experience that I endured but I now feel better as a result.I guess that I have to be careful in what I do from now on regarding my system.
I am just glad that the weekend is finally here.I am looking forward to singing for my friends tomorrow night.I am hoping that the night tomorrow goes well.I do not know what I am going to do but I know that it will be something special.At least,I hope that it will be.
That was my day and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.The work day,though a little smooth,got off to a rocky start.When I arrived at the pick up point to pick up the laundry,I saw that they still had not resolved the situation regarding the laundry bags.While the mystery of the previous ones has been solved,they still had not gotten around to getting new bags to replace the old ones that are now history.I had to haul the laundry in garbage bags rather than the usual red/pink ones that have been the standard.Not only that,when I arrived at the work site,I nearly came close to blowing up at my supervisor's supervisor because the door to the cellar was locked.I almost came close to being suspended today as a result of the nonsense that has been happening as of late that should not be happening.Fortunately for me,the rest of the work shift went by smoothly and there were no more negativisms.I even had a great lunch with the gang at the social club.During that time,I got a congratulatory compliment from the coordinator of the social club about keeping my temper in check.Of course,as a result of my nearly blowing up at the head of the department,I could not accept that compliment.He did specifically say that it was being around the social club but I still could not accept that because that would be arrogance if I did.
After lunch,I did have a talk with the department head and I explained to him the problem about the missing laundry bags very cool,calm and collectively.The talk was only for about three minutes and he assured me that he would look into it the minute that he talked to my supervisor when she returned from her vacation.I am just hoping that there will be a good resolution regarding this problem and we can move on with life.After this is resolved,I am hoping that something like this does not happen ever again.It was a drag having this happen and I am hoping that I do not have to face consecutive frustration like this for a long time.This should not have happened to begin with.
Tomorow,I am having a day off for a change because the company picnic is happening.I am going to be driving myself down there so I can leave on my own accord when I want to.I am hoping that the picnic goes well and that it is fun.
After tomorrow,it's the weekend and I am hoping that it goes good.
That was my day today,my hoped for day tomorrow and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Happy 4th of July Everybody.I hope that everyone had a great holiday.
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a not too exciting day today.Since there was a cancellation in an activity that I was planning to attend today,I simply stayed home most of the day and I watched a movie.I watched An American Haunting.It was based on an actual legend from Red River Tennesee called the Bell Witch.It was actually pretty good.I had been meaning to watch this movie for a long time since I purchased it months ago.The film was superbly acted and well written and directed.There was a lot of scary things in this with some nods to The Exorcist but only based on actual events.But again,it was pretty good and I highly recommend it for anybody who prefers something different for a change rather than the same old same old horror stuff.Again, a very good flick.
Though I was disappointed about the cancellation,it was a relief because it did rain for much of the day and the weather was pretty cool.The disappointment was relieved by watching the film and taking it easy.Earlier this evening,I went into another city in the area that I lived to watch a fireworks display and it was pretty good to see.After the whole thing was over,I ran pretty fast because I wanted to get out of the area before all the other people did.That way,I could avoid the jam.I got home safe and sound and I am now taking it easy in preparation for the next day,where I will be returning to work.I will be glad to work again because as stated,the holiday for me was not too eventful and was kind of boring due to the rainy weather for much of the day.But the movie I watched today relieved much of the boredom.
Tomorrow is a work day.After a holiday,the inevitability of returning to work follows.But that is life and it's unavoidable.But I am hoping that the shift goes by smoothly.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay but a little disappointed.I had some high hopes for the 4th tomorrow but the plans that my group had were cancelled.Something had suddenly came up and the moderator of my group called me to let me know that plans had changed.I did feel disappointed that I now have nothing to do on the 4th as usual.Since this has happened,I am going to be staying home as usual and watch a movie.It is what I always do on a holiday like this.I will have the day off tomorrow and I am just going to take it easy and again,watch a movie.I have tons of movies on DVD to watch.Though disappointed,I am now relieved that I do not have to go out of town.Again,I am going to enjoy my day off and take it easy.
The work day went by pretty well.The mystery of the missing laundry bags has not been solved as of yet and the people at the center are going to look into getting new bags so there will be some to put dirty laundry in.But again,the work day went by pretty well and that was good.I did manage to arrive home tired but I still had to do some stuff before I could relax.I had to buy something for dinner tonight because my mom was in no mood to cook anything.She did do my laundry today and that was good.I now have some extra underwear to wear during the week.It is not that I am low on it.I still have plenty but I am greatful that my mom did it.You never know.
As for the rest of this evening,I do not have anything planned.I might go out for a short spell and say hello to some of my friends at the place where I sing.I will just hang out for a few minutes and then go home.I just might watch a movie before I go to sleep tonight.I do not know what I will watch but I will know when I look at the movies that I have and see what is there.
Tomorrow is a day off due to it being a holiday.Again,since I will have nothing to do as usual,I am going to stay home,take it easy and watch a movie.It's better than nothing.It is also better then being bored to death.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a not too eventful day today.I had to go to the bank today to withdraw some money for my mom and I had to do some grocery shopping.I had to pick up a few things for the home and that was it.After dinner,I had to pick up a few things more.I also went to a Blockbuster video in my area and bought a few more previously viewed DVD's.I have been really stocking up on these since they started this buy 2 get 2 free sale.Again,I guess that they are overstocked on these DVD's and they are trying to get rid of them while they can.I have been getting some pretty good stuff and it has been making my DVD library grow even more.I have a wide variety of movies to choose from for my viewing pleasure.I still have some that I need to catch up on first and I can do that over a succession of Friday nights.I will be watching another on Friday night.I do not know what it it will be but I know that it will be something good,that's for sure.
Last night,I went out.I did stop at the cafe while I was out.Though I meant to be out for only a short time,I wound up staying until closing.Because I got pressured to doing a couple of songs and I really was not in the mood for that.I had done my entertaining the crowd on Saturday night and I simply wanted to take a breather from doing so.But again,public demand,though it was pretty small,got the better of me.Still,I had a good time and I did do a couple of good stuff.I also did it because there was a guy there who played in his own band and he really wanted to hear me.Again,it was a pretty good night despite the fact that it was brief.But I needed to get out because I felt lonely and I needed someone to talk to.It was really a bore sitting around the house and doing nothing.I had some laughs with the few guys that were there and the only lady there was the bartender.It was still great to get out and have a few laughs.I enjoyed myself and that was good.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by smoothly.
That was my day,my night last night and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a not too eventful day today.I simply ran a couple of errands for my mom and I had a quick lunch of pepperoni pizza while I was out.I really did not do too much afterwards.I just took a drive around town and simply enjoyed myself.I really did not see much of anybody I knew out so I went home and relaxed for a bit until I ate.
Earlier this evening,I had a talk with a friend from New Jersey and he is doing good.I am glad that I,at least,hear from one person who is very concerned with me.It seems that nobody else is concerned with me nor is interested.Aside from that one guy who said that he wanted to patch things up with me and has not returned one call from me for quite a while,I have been having a tough time establishing relationships with other guys.I have given my phone number to quite a bit of guys that I know and I have yet to hear from them.It seems that nobody is interested in talking to me or even interested iun letting me hang out with them.I need to have relationships with other guys in order to overcome these dreaded SSA thoughts and feelings.It seems that I am all alone in this and I have no way of trying to get out.I know the root causes of these feelings and thoughts but I am having a hard time trying to initiate something.Again,I have given my phone number to quite a few guys that I know but I have not heard from any of them,especially that aforementioned guy who always uses the same excuses like "I'm Too Busy" or even "I've Been Extraordinarily Busy.That Is Why I Have Not Done So."Why?I don't think that anybody is that busy not to return one phone call or to talk to for at least a few minutes.Is that too much to ask for?Is a few minutes of time too much to ask for?This is pathetic.I have never heard this thing about a guy being too busy to talk to someone for a few minutes nor have I heard that a person is too busy to return one phone call.I am seeing more and more each day that people care more about making more money or even materialistic goals than they do about what really is important like relationships with other people or family.I feel that relationships with others and family should be top priority and money and materialism a very distant second.Money and materialistic things can disappear as quickly as they come and if you have NO relationships with others,what good is having materialism and money dominating you as a top thing?What if you lose all of that and have nobody to lean on when it happens?Pretty scary,Huh?
Aside from that,last night I sang up a storm at the place that I entertain and it was a grand success.I had a blast.Everybody enjoyed my songs and that was great.It did make me forget about the frustrating day I had on Friday regarding the missing laundry bags.I am hoping that the mystery is solved soon.I would hate it if I had to use red bio-hazard bags to load everything again.Again,I am hoping that the mystery is solved soon.
Tomorrow is my day off.I do not know what I am going to do but I am hoping that it will be special.
That was my night last night,my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty busy day today.I had to run a couple of errands for my mother today.We were running low on food.I had to go grocery shopping today to stock up on some stuff for the next couple of days,including today.Before I did that,I stopped to say Hello to a friend and to see how he's doing.He told me that he was doing good.He also showed me that his picture was in the paper.He was at a Joan Osborne outdoor concert and I immediately caught him in the picture where the crowd was gathering.I also stopped there to show him a couple of DVD's that I bought at a Blockbuster Video store in my neck of the woods.After that,I went to do the grocery shopping.On the way home,it drippled a little.This was unexpected because there was no rain in the forecast today.It was supposed to be sunny and mild but a little bit of rain did come down.It only lasted about 20 minutes.
After I got home,I bathed and shaved.I also ate my dinner,which was a frozen TV dinner.
I am now at home relaxing.I am getting ready to entertain the crowd tonight.I am hoping that the night goes well.I rarely have an off night but I still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.But again,I am hoping for things to go well.
That was my day today and my hoped for night tonight.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.I had a pretty frustrating start to my work shift today.When I got to the pick up place to pick up the laundry,I had a tough time trying to pack the laundry in because the majority of the bags were missing.There was only one bag filled with dirty laundry and the rest of the load was all over the place.I had a pretty difficult time trying to find the missing bags.I and the rest of the staff of the pick up place,which is a drug-alcohol rehabilitation center,tried to find the missing bags but we were unsuccessful.The thing was that time was becoming a factor because I had to get to the work site to start my job and I knew that I could not waste time looking for missing bags.This was also insane because on Thursday afternoon after lunch,I dropped off two bags of clean laundry and the bags were also clean.The staff was also baffled as to what happened to the bags.But they are hoping that they can resolve this mystery/problem when the weekend is over.I am hoping that they can find at least two bags to use to put the laundry in so I have nothing to worry about.I hope that this situation can be resolved by Monday or even Tuesday.If not,I do not know what I am going to do nor the staff.
The work shift went smoothly with no negative situations.But it did not remove my frustrations that started my day.I am hoping that the weekend wil help bring my mood down.Tomorrow night is the night that I entertain the crowd and I am hoping that a successful night will help relieve me of some of the stress of the frustration that happened today.
Despite my emotional state tonight,I am still glad that the weekend is finally here.I am looking forward to tomorrow night when I will be singing up a storm and really getting some satisfaction for doing a good job in my singing.If the night is successful and the rest of the weekend goes well,I will feel a little bit better.
Again,I hope that the mystery into what happened to those bags is solved by the start of the new week.I would hate it if they had to order/purchase new bags to use for the purposes of loading the dirty laundry into them.I know that this possibly can not be avoided and if it has to be done then it has to be done.But still,I am hoping that the mystery is solved soon.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a very smooth work shift today.Nothing negative happened today on the job nor when I left for home.I simply did my job and went home.Since I now have the afternoons off on Thursday and mornings off on Friday,I am now going to use the extra time to work on my issues,mainly emotional.I have to try and work on my sanity.I have been on the verge of losing it lately and I do want to work on keeping my cool.As stated last night,I do not want to lose my temper and I do want to keep my cool because I do not want to get in trouble again.After the trouble that I got into last year,which led me to undergo anger management counseling by order of my supervisor's supervisor in order to keep my job.Since,according to my counseling,I have been making progress,I do not want to blow my wad(so to speak)and risk getting into trouble.If I am making progress as they counselors have been saying,I want to continue progressing and doing good.Yes I do.I don't want to make mistakes that could ruin me as far as my job goes.I want to keep my job and I want to keep working.I don't want to make any terrible mistakes.I want to keep doing good and continue striving towards my goals.
After dinner and when the weather cooled,I went out because I had a whole bunch of empty bottles and cans in the trunk of my car.I wanted to turn them in so when my mother needs to do her grocery shopping,there will be plenty of room in the trunk for the grocery bags to be placed in there.I had a good sum of money from turning in those bottles.After I am done here,I am going to register the bills at Where's George.When I got done,I went to a Dairy Queen in my area and bought an ice cream sandwich.I am now at home relaxing and getting ready to turn in for the night.I had a very eventful day.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the day goes smoothly.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.The pick-up went well today.I did not have any messes to clean up at the pick up point today and that was great.After I dropped off and sorted out the laundry,I made a couple of stops on the way home.I visited a friend of mine who I do not talk to very much.We had a very good conversation today as we talked about a lot of things,mostly about a couple of documentary films that I picked up on DVD about a week ago.I have not watched them as of yet but I plan to.I have a few movies that I have not watched as of yet but I plan on watching them every Friday night until I am caught up.I have just been so busy as of late that I have not been able to really watch anything.I did manage to see a movie in the last two weeks and I enjoyed that.But again,I need to catch up on some movies that I have been meaning to watch but have not had the chance.I am going to watch another movie on Friday night before I go to sleep.
Today,weatherwise,the weather was "HAZY,HOT & HUMID!"The temps were in the low 90's again.Tonight,we are supposed to get a thunderstorm and afterwards,some cooler temps stating Thursday.
My meeting with my sexual abuse support counselor went great.I talked with her a lot of what has happened over the past two weeks.I told her the problem about my attempts to reach this certain guy that I have been meaning to patch things up with for quite a while.I also pointed out that I understood why he possibly has not been returning my calls.She understood how I felt but she did point out that if I am not careful,I could lose my temper again before I know it.She also told me that I have been letting my frustrations pile up on top of each other and I am already on the verge of exploding in a rage if I keep this up.The only advice she gave me is to simply let it go for now.She also advised me that if I do call him again,simply tell him to "call me whenever he can and when he gets a chance." I said okay and that was it.Again,she said afterwards,simply move on and let it go for now and to continue exercising patience regarding this.She also said that if he is truly serious about wanting to fix things,he will call me at an opportune time when he does have the time.I am still going to try but I will let it go if I do choose to call him again.
She made me realize that this is why I am saying angry things to myself.I have been doing that as of late and I now realize why I have been doing so lately.I am going to take her advice and I will let it go.The ball is now in his court.I am also going to continue exercising patience regarding this.I do not want to lose my temper again.I have been doing pretty good regarding this and I do not want to do so.Because I could ruin myself if I do this time.That is a chance that I am not willing to take.
My support group meeting tonight at the church went great.It was great to finally let go of all the emotional baggage that I had.It was also great to hear what the other men in the group had to say as well.I also shared with them what I shared with my sexual abuse support counselor today as well.Again,it was a great meeting and I am looking forward to the 4th of July when we are going to get together at a park out in the country.I am hoping that this is a fun thing.I can hardly wait.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty smooth work day today.Since it was smooth,the day went by pretty fast with nothing negative to write about.I also had some pretty interesting conversations with some of my colleagues while having lunch.Again,a pretty smooth work day.It was a little bit easier now that I have a four door car to help with the laundry loads.It makes hauling the laundry back and forth a little bit easier.I am glad to have this.It is wonderful to have a little something to make the days go by easier.
The weather for most of the day was very HAZY,HOT & HUMID.It was in the lower 90's for most of the day.Fortunately,I had air conditioning where I work and it was cooler inside.But when I got outside,it was HOT.Right now,it has cooled down somewhat but it still feels warm.We are supposed to get rain tomorrow and then the temps are supposed to cool down a little starting Thursday.A little rain is better than nothing and I do hope that it does get a little cooler.
Tomorrow is simply a pick up day.All I have to do is pick up the laundry and sort it out at the work place.I do have a couple more things on my agenda tomorrow.I have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor in the afternoon.Tomorrow evening,I have my support group meeting at the church.I am hoping that both of these go well.The meeting have been going well with me but I still hope for things to go well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling very good.I had a very good day today.I finally have my new car on the road and that is the best thing to happen all day.I drove it around for most of the day.I had to get the feel of it.I also celebrated by getting a cassette adaptor for my portable CD player.It was great to listen to some CD's in my new car and that was awesome.I also bought the car to make my work a little easier.Now,my work is a little easier.I now have plenty of room for all the laundry bags and that is something.
Today,weather wise,was sunny,hazy,hot and humid.The fans were going on all day where I am living.It was a chore trying to keep the house cool.But I think that we did good.I was just enjoying the weather and enjoying my new car.It was a great day today.I had a blast and I was really enjoying life today.I know that I will be enjoying my life a little more now.But still,I have to take life one day at a time and always keep a straight face.I also have to continue keeping on guard because you never know what might happen.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by smoothly.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.It was a not too exciting day today.I simply took a drive around town today.It was a nice sunny day today so I felt that a nice cruise around the town was appropriate.Much of the day,I took a trip around the town and stopping at video stores to see if there was anything new to buy in the previously viewed DVD sections.I really did not find anything too interesting nor did I have any real money with me to buy anything anyway,but I did get a chance to look around and it was great.I did see some things but not enough to arouse my interests.Before I did that,I simply went to pick up a few slices of pepperoni pizza as a late lunch.Again,not too exciting but I did get out for some air and I did have a pretty decent time even though the day was not too exciting.
Last night,my entertaining of the crowd was very successful.The crowd enjoyed everything I did and I even had some laughs with a few guys at the bar.I had a wonderful time and I the crowd enjoyed me.There were not too many people there last night because of a carnival that was in town at one of the local churches.I figured that most of the people were there and did not feel like coming to the place where I sing.Thanks goodness that this happens only once a year and that the people will come back next week,which is usually the case.Still,I had a great time and the crowd,though it was small,enjoyed me.A small crowd is better than no crowd.
Tomorrow is my day off.I am hoping to finally get my new car on the road.I have been putting it off for far too long.Again,I hope that I can get it on the road.
That was day today,my night last night and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a not too exciting day today.I did not do too much today.I only ran a few errands for my mom and that was it.The weather was nice and sunny today and the atmosphere was mild.It was not too humid today.To put it mildly,it was just right.
The errands that I ran for my mother were to get stuff for dinner.I had to go to three different places today to get everything.But I did accomplish everything that I set out to do.That gives me a feeling of accomplishment.Yes it does.I feel very good that I accomplished something.
After I ate a great dinner,I decided to do a little bit more personal PC work.I am now at home relaxing.The weather is still a bit cool.I am saving my energy for tonight.
Tonight,I am going to be entertaining the crowd as I always do.I am looking forward to that.I am hoping that the evening goes well for me.Though I rarely,if ever,have an off night,I still hope for things to go well.As stated before,you never know what might happen.Again,I hope that things go well.
For the rest of the weekend,I am going to simply take it easy.I have to be prepared for the work week ahead.I am hoping that the week goes by good.
That was my day today and my hoped for night tonight.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.The work shift went by as smoothly as it should and that made me feel good.After I dropped the clean laundry off,I simply went home and dropped off some stuff that I needed to drop off.After that,I went to the bank to cash my paycheck and I went back home.After dinner,I did some more personal PC work and after doing so,I did a virus scan on my PC and again,no viruses or spyware were found.That was great.It shows that my anti-virus and firewall programs are working great.Still,I do a scan on my computer once a week to be on the safe side.You never know what might happen or what might be on your computer.Again,there was nothing on my computer to cause me any worries.
I have just gotten back from a walk and I do feel better.It was the first walk that I have taken in a long time.It was also pretty long.But again,I do feel better.It was great to finally get out and stretch my legs for a bit and feel a little bit better.
Though I did have a pretty good day.I did start out this morning feeling a little at edge.I started mumbling angry things to myself once again.I do not know why I do that but again,it just happened.I have not done this in a long time.I do not why it happened.It just did.I am hoping that I can stop this.I do not want to be enslaved to anger for the rest of my life nor do I want it to overwhelm me.If anybody can help with any advice,please do so.Thanks.
I am just glad that the weekend is finally here.Tomorrow night,I am going to be singing for the crowd again.I am hoping that the night goes well.I always look forward to entertaining the crowd every Saturday night.Again,I am hoping that the night goes well.
That was my day today and my for day and night tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty smooth work shift today.I am now working only mornings on Thursday's and I now use the spare time to work on my issues.I do have quite a few issues that I need to work out and resolve.I am still working on keeping my anger under control and my temper in check.My counselors are always telling me that I am doing a great job but I always have a hard time receiving compliments.I am used to always getting emasculated and insulted.I always used to people not giving me compliments.I know that it is something that I need to work on.I am willing to do that work.I need to start appreciating other's compliments of me.I really do not know how I am going to do that.I need some advice.I also have a hard time giving myself compliments when I do good.If I am making progress,that is good.But I still need to keep working on my anger problems no matter how much progress I have made.Again,I am willing to do the work regarding compliments receptions and giving them to myself.If anybody out there can offer advice,I would appreciate that.Thanks.
By the way,before I forget,the movie Vacancy was pretty good.I really enjoyed it.I can hardly wait for it to come to DVD.The DVD is supposed to have deleted scenes and other surprises.Again,I can hardly wait for the DVD to come out.I did manage to add a few more DVD's to my library.One of them is a Neil Young concert movie.I am looking forward to watching that.
I am working tomorrow.I will be on the afternoon shift.I am hoping that the shift goes smoothly.So far,nothing negative to talk about regarding work but I still hope for things to go well.After that,it's the weekend.I can hardly wait for that.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.The pick up I made this morning was very clean with nothing to pick up off the floor.I simply picked up the bags and when I got to the workplace,I weighed them,sorted them out and left.Before I did,I went over to my mechanic's garage in hopes of getting my new car on the road.But my mechanic advised me to hold off on doing that until he thoroughly checked it over.He also advised me to check back with him tomorrow afternoon and get the whole story from him.I simply said okay and went off to do the pick up.While I was downtown,I had a light lunch and I picked up a can of soup for dinner.
I went to my support group meeting at the church tonight and it was yet another meeting.It was great once again to let go of some more emotional baggage and air out some more of what was on my mind.It was wonderful to have the men listen to you and also to listen to them air out what was on thier minds.Again,the meeting was wonderful.I am feeling so much a part of them.It seems like only yesterday where we hardly knew each other and now,we are having some great talks and really feeling a positive atmosphere each and everytime.I am looking forward to the next meeting.I am hoping that the next is as wonderful as the last one.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.I also hope that the day goes well,too.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay yet again.I had a pretty smooth work day today.I did my job and the rest took care of itself.After I dropped off the laundry,I went home to relax and while I did,we had a torrential rainstorm where I am living.The rain really came down and it was also thundering and lightning everywhere.I stayed home for much of this because I had really nothing to do.I was going to return some bottles for a refund but thought that I would wait until the rain stopped before doing so.Now that it has,I am going to return them and get the money from them.I know that it is not going to be much but it will make my vehicle cleaner.I still have to get rid of a mess that is currently in the one that I drive and I will get around to it.I just hope that there will be no more rain.I mean,we needed this rain but that is enough for now.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.That will be easy.I am hoping that tomorrow,I can finally get that new car of mine on the road.I have been putting it off for quite some time and now,I am hoping to finally get it on the road tomorrow.That would be great.I can hardly wait to start driving it.It will be a relief to finally be driving something different and a lot more familiar with.Again,I can hardly wait.
I have been feeling pretty fluxed as of late.I have been trying and wanting to patch things up with this one guy but nothing really much has happened.I try calling him but all I get is his answering machine saying that he "will get back to you".But so far,I have left messages,left notes at his door but still,I have not heard from him.I am wondering if I am doing anything wrong.He says to me "Don't Be A Stranger" but he is being a stranger to me.Don't any of you hate it when somebody tells you not to be a stranger but they're being a stranger to you.I am still holding on to the hope that one day,I will hear from him.No matter how long it will take.I am going to keep trying.I am also thinking that maybe I will start new elsewhere.
Tomorrow is also a meeting night.I am hoping that the meeting goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.It was a very nice day today despite the humidity.The sun was shining and I got to go out and do a lot.I paid a visit to a friend of mine in town and I even managed to have a light lunch,though it was a little late because it was too close to dinner.But I wanted to have something in my system before dinner.Again,it was a very nice day.
I also managed to have a talk with another friend today and he is doing good.When he answered the phone,he informed me that he had just gotten back from Pennsylvania and that he had a nice trip.He even invited me out tomorrow night but I do not know if I am going to go out tomorrow night becuase Wednesday is a day that I have to get up and do a pick up.I guess that I will just have to cross that bridge when i come to it.If I do,I will stay a few minutes.If not,then I will do it when I can.
After a light dinner,I finished my personal computer work and I watched a little TV.I even visited some people that I knew in my neighborhood and they were doing good.Though I did not do an awful lot today,I did get out to do quite a bit of stuff and I did have a pretty good day.I guess that it's better than nothing.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by smoothly.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a not too exciting of a day.I ran a couple of errands today and I had a short but pretty good talk with my father.The conversation was not too long but it was,as stated,pretty good.The weather today was pretty nice and warm but there was a little bit of humidity.Again,not too exciting of a day but I did get a couple of things done.
Last night,my entertaining of the crowd went over very well.I reaquaited myself with a few songs that I had done previously and I even tried out a new song that I had never done before.Again,it was a wonderful night and I had a blast.It is great to entertain such an appreciative crowd.I had a great time and that was great.
But my attempts to leave the place were almost hampered when I was walking to my vehicle and somebody tried to stop me because there was somebody,a borderline diabetic lady,urinating in the back lot on the grass.I had to plead with the person that I was not going to pay attention to that.But they insisted on holding me for a while until that lady was finished.It almost became an argument but eventually,she let me pass and as true to my word,I did not pay any attention as I left but the lady who was supposed to be urinating was not even doing that because the person who brought her there did not have any toilet tissue of any kind.But I left and went straight home.Though I did have a blast entertaining the crowd,I really did not like being stopped from going home.I am not a pervert.I do not peep on anybody unless I have permission to do that.I am not a peeper.I know that it is wrong to invade another's privacy and I do respect other's privacy,especially when it is a lady.But I did not let it get to me.I left and I made it home.
I am only posting this now because I am going to see a movie later.I am going to see Vacancy at a local bargain movie theatre in my area.I have been waiting for that movie to come to that theatre for quite a while and I am going to see it tonight.I am hoping that the movie is good.I have heard some mixed reviews of it but I need to see it for myself.Again,I am hoping that it's good.
Tomorrow is a day off.But I hope that it is a good day.
That was my day today,my night last night and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay,hopeful and optimistic.It was a typical Saturday for me.I woke up,had breakfast and did my personal computer work.Nothing really negative to write about,it was just typical personal stuff.But I got it done and after that,I closed the internet off for a while and ran an errand for my mom.Just typical Saturday stuff.But I got them done and that gave me a feeling of accomplishment.
After I ran the errands,I stopped at the drug store that my niece worked at and she gave me the money that she owed me.I really did not expect to see her there but at least,I got the money and after buying a couple of things,I left for home.
When I got home,I bathed before eating so I could get cleaned up for tonight.I ate a pretty good dinner and checked some more e-mail.I did not get too much this evening.I also checked up on a couple of online groups that I am a moderator of and there was nothing negative happening in either of them,which made me feel good.
I am now relaxing at home and I am getting ready to entertain tonight.I am looking forward to doing that because I always enjoy what I do and I always know that the crowd enjoys it as well.As always,I am hoping that the evening goes well.Though I rarely,if ever,have an off night,I always hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.Again,I am getting ready to do that and I am hoping that the night goes over well.
That was my day today and my hoped for night tonight.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling a bit better.I had a pretty smooth work shift today.After having a pretty good lunch,I started my work shift.It went by pretty well.I simply did my job today and after dropping off the laundry that was clean,I went home.After I dropped some stuff off,I went to the bank to cash my paycheck and to make a small deposit into my checking account to remove some overdrawn funds in it.I am hoping that I do not have to make any more deposits until the direct deposit of my disability check next month.I am just going to be checking my account daily to see if I am still in the black.I hate being overdrawn even if it's only a few dollars.At least,my bills were paid before that.I can now take it easy for now.
I am feeling a bit better than I have in the past few days.I am still battling the SSA demon because I am still at edge over what has happened the past few days.I am feeling more downs than ups.But I am hoping that I can get over this in time.I really hate having SSA.But I am stillin the battle to change that about myself.I am accepting that life will have it's ups and downs but lately,the downs have really been dominating me and it has made my SSA skyrocket.But now,the SSA is gradually going down.I still have to take all of this one day at a time and get through little by little each day.I can never think of never being sexually attracted to men forever.I look at terms of relieving myself of this emotional condition one day at a time.Again,as stated previously,I am not going to let these desires,which are,again,emotional in nature and represent unmet needs that are NOT sexual in nature but are,as stated already,emotional and only represent the drive to be accepted as A MAN and to fulfill myself with relating and identifying with my fellow men on a normal,level and healthy plain and simply just being one of the guys and feeling like one of the guys.Again,I have to take this in terms of one day at a time and handle the desires as they come.The only thing that I have to learn is how to cope with the desires the right way rather than the old false coping mechanisms that I am used to using.I feel that I am learning little by little how to do that but I still need to learn new ways of coping.If anybody out there can help,I will be glad to read some suggestions that any of you might have.
Tomorrow is the weekend.I am looking forward to that.I will be singing up a storm tomorrow night and I am hoping that the night goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for night tomorrow night.FJ