Thursday, July 09, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.The laundry pick-up also went smoothly with no messes to clean up.After sorting out the laundry,I started a load and simply waited for the load to get done in the cellar.
After the shift was over,I dropped the laundry off at the rehab center and went to have my lunch at the location where the social club is meeting until the regular place opens back up.After eating my lunch,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did a little bot of personal PC work and took my mom to a local supermarket to do her grocery shopping for the month.
When we got home,we sorted out the groceries and put them in their proper places.After helping her out,I finished my personal PC work and as a result of the hard day,my mom and I decided to order out for dinner rather than have her prepare something.We made only one more supermarket stop before I went to get some sandwiches at a local Wendy's for dinner.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I posted my day on here.Overall,a pretty good day.
I am only feeling a slight depression at the moment.But I am feeling hopeful that I will get over this funk that is currently upon me.This spell has been with me for over a week,which is the longest that I have been in something like this.I am hoping to be over this soon.I have been leaving messages for the nurse practitioner at the local hospital to call me so I could tell her about this but she hasn't even returned one phone call.If I don't hear from her tomorrow,I will have to wait until Monday to talk with her.I hate waiting a long time to tell someone what is going on with yourself.I feel that when you need to talk,you should always have a listening ear to hear you when you need to talk.Don't get me wrong,I understand that the nurse practitioner is a busy person who has to deal with different clients each and every day.But I feel that it only takes a few minutes to see what a person has to say to you and whatever advice or any sort of words that you can give can be vital to a person's survival.Again,I guess that I will have to wait until Monday to talk with her if I don't hear from her soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am having the temptation to look at pornography.But I am not going to give into the temptation.The minute that I am done here,I am going to close off the internet and run another errand for my mom.
Tomorrow is the day of the company picnic.I am hoping that the picnic will be a great one.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up and that was great.I simply dropped off the laundry at the worksite and sorted it all out.After eating lunch,I proceeded to get on with my day.Before I did anything else,I ate breakfast and I also did my personal PC work.
I first went to the post office to mail a letter for my mom and I also went to the local UPS station to drop off something that my mom needed to return.I headed for home to pick up something that I needed to take with me to the doctor.
When I got to the doctor's office,I had to wait a while and when they finally called me,they did the usual things that they needed to do such as get my blood pressure and check my blood sugar.I also had to provide a urine sample for the doctor to check out to see if there was anything wrong.Fortunately,the doctor found nothing wrong and that really relieved me.I told the doctor about my frequent urination and he simply advised me to tone down on the amount of liquids that I consume,especially at night before going to sleep.I left the office feeling a little bit relieved and hopeful.Despite what the doctor said,I still have the feeling that it has something to do with the psychiatric medication that I am currently taking.When I got the handout,one of the side effects listed was a "change in the amount of urine."The minute that I meet with the nurse practitioner over at the local hospital,I am going to talk with her about all of this and I am hoping that we both can come to an understanding.I really hate it that I am enduring this at the moment and I am hoping that I won't have to endure it after Monday when I meet with the nurse practitioner.I am hoping that I can probably try out a new medication that doesn't have the side effect of excessive urination.After leaving the office,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I made a few phone calls to find where I could buy sunscreen for my face.I am going to a company picnic on Friday and I am planning to go swimming in the area pool.I just want to make sure that I am prepared with enough sunscreen so I will be protected from any sunlight that will shine on Friday.I found sunscreen for my face cheap at the local Wal-Mart.I went out to get it and I headed straight home again.
When I got home,I told my mom about what the doctor said and that everything was okay.I registered a couple of one dollar bills at the Where's George site and I also did some more personal PC work.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also decided to post my day on here.Overall,a pretty good day.
I am not feeling any depression at the moment.I am slowly getting out of the funk that I have been in since last Saturday.I am hoping to be out of this funk very soon.I am not feeling anything negative at the moment and that is good.I know that negative emotions will never go away and I will be feeling them when I least expect it.But for now,I am glad to not be feeling anything negative at the moment.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I can safely say that I am not feeling any of those feelings at the moment.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty mixed day today.
The work day went a little rough.The laundry pick-up went well but the roughness that I had was when I arrived at the worksite.There was a load left behind by the person who did the laundry the previous day and not only that,there were also a couple of blankets left in a dryer that were really wet.I had to use most of my day to finish off what the guy didn't finish and to get my work going.
Not only that,the social club is temporarily closed as a result of a sewage problem that stunk the whole place up.As a result of this,I couldn't start to do any personal PC work while on break from work and I also had to go to another location to eat lunch and I almost didn't get one as a result of the chaos.I had to spend the entire day in the basement concentrating on my job and to try and forget about the negativisms of the day,which wasn't easy.I did manage to ask periodically how the clean up was going and I did get some good news from the coordinator that the clean up was progressing and that they were hoping to get the social club opening up soon.I am hoping so because it was a pretty dull day sitting in that cellar all alone with nothing to read or not having anyone to talk to while waiting for the load to get done.But I managed to get through the day and when the day was over,I dropped off the clean laundry at the rehab center and I headed for home.
On the way home,I had to make one stop.It was at a local supermarket to get change for a ten dollar bill that belonged to my mom because she wanted it a certain way that I didn't get it when I withdrew it for her from our regular bank.It is now the way she wants it so she can use it to pay someone that she owes money to.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the bills on the Where's George site and I also finally got around to doing my personal PC work.Despite some issues with the internet browser that I was using,I got it done.It wasn't easy but I managed to do everything online that I set out to do.After closing the internet off,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while.I also posted my day on here.Overall,it was a pretty mixed day and I am hoping that tomorrow will be better.
I am not feeling any depression at the moment.I am feeling okay and I am hoping that the rest of the evening goes well enough.I still have one more thing to do before I can call it a day.I am hoping to do it after I am finished posting on here.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I have had no cravings nor images creeping up into my mentality lately.This is a great thing.Still,I need to take this as a "One Day At A Time" thing where if I get through the day without any problems,there is still the day after and so on.I am hoping that tomorrow will be problem free.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes well.I also have that follow-up appointment with the doctor as a result of my emergency room visit over the weekend.I am hoping that the follow-up goes well with good news.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Monday, July 06, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was my day off from work.I really didn't have to much to do.After eating a quick breakfast,I did my personal PC work.I also did a little bit more research on prescription drugs and their side effects.After doing all of that,I decided to relax and take it easy.
I did hear from the doctor's office today.They wanted to inquire as to why I had called the office over the weekend.I told them that it was over the frequent urination that I was struggling with over the weekend and that I had to go to the emergency ward over at the local hospital as a result of it becoming pretty bothersome.I scheduled an appointment for this week and I am hoping that the appointment will go well.I am hoping that the doctor will give me some good news.
I had only one small errand to run.I had to go to a friend of my mom's house to pick up something that my mom had purchased from her and that was the only thing that I did today.
After coming home,I laid down for a bit because I felt tired.The only problem was that I couldn't really get to sleep.I was trying to take a nap.I felt tired but couldn't get any nap time in.I guess that it's a side effect of the medication that I am currently taking that was prescribed for me by the practitioner over at the local hospital.I was yawning for much of the day and just feeling pretty tired even though I didn't do too much.Plus,it was also a pretty dull afternoon because we did have some rain for a little bit of the day and some thunder and lightning.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.I checked my e-mail to see if there were any new messages and I posted my day on here.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I had no cravings nor images creeping up into my mentality nor did I watch any pornography in any way,shape or form.I am hoping to get through tomorrow without any problems.
Though I am feeling okay,I am still feeling a little bit of depression.I have been feeling this funk of depression for a little over a week.I am still holding onto the hope that this will pass and that I will feel better.I am sick of this depression and again,I am hoping that this will pass.
Tomorrow is a work day and I am hoping that the day goes smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
For starters,I had a quick breakfast and I did my personal PC work.I also registered some bills at the Where's George site this morning.I also did some research on prescription drugs on a drug store website for the rest of the morning and also looked up other things regarding them.For most of the afternoon,I simply took it easy and relaxed.
I had only one small errand to run.My mom wanted me to go to a local Dollar General store to pick up a couple of things that she needed.After paying for the items,I headed back home to await for dinner to get done.On the way home,I did stop to get some gas in my tank.
Before running out to do the errands,I called my regular doctor's office to talk with the doctor about my emergency room visit yesterday.I told her the results of what they told me and I told her that I would be coming into the office to set up an appointment as a follow-up and I am hoping that the follow-up will also go well when I can get one.As stated,I am glad that there was nothing wrong and that the problem wasn't too serious.But I am still going to take the advice of the emergency room doctors and get that follow-up.The sooner that I can get it the better.
After eating,I watched some of the evening news and I did some last minute personal PC work.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went well.It was a pretty good night despite that it started out dead but it soon got some people.There was also a fight outside the place last night when a couple of guys came after a few of the patrons with baseball bats and even threw empty beer bottles.The NYS police were called but the guys who instigated the whole thing took off running before they even showed up.But the rest of the evening was cool,calm and serene.I am just hoping that this doesn't happen again for a long time to come.Fortunately,the fight didn't spoil the evening.
Though I am feeling okay,I am also feeling a little depressed.I really don't know why I am in this funk but as stated,I am hoping that the spell will pass soon.It will be a week starting tomorrow that I will be seeing the nurse practitioner and I will just have to hang in there until then.I am hoping to talk with her this Wednesday when she will be back from her vacation.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I have not been feeling the negative feelings of attraction as of late.I am not having any cravings nor images creeping up into my mentality.That is pretty good.I am hoping that I can get through the new week unscathed.
Tomorrow is my day off.I am hoping that the day will go well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Happy 4th of July everybody!!!!
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty hectic day today.
First off,I did lose some sleep last night as a result of me not being able to take my medication.Yesterday,I took 2 St.John's Wort capsules to help ease my depression but I found out through my pharmacist that the combination of my meds and the St.John's Wort would produce too much serotonin and as a result,I had to skip taking my regular medication.So,I simply took a normal sleep aid that you can buy at any health food store and I tried to get to sleep.I did manage to get some sleep but I kept waking up in the middle of the night and having to start all over again.I don't know what time that I finally dozed off but it was wonderful to get some sleep but I didn't wake up too refreshed.Not only that,I kept having the frequent urge to use the bathroom today.Each and every time that I tried to relax,I had to get up to urinate and this really became a pain.It became so bothersome that I went to the emergency ward at the local hospital and just lay there in a bed and wait for them to get to me through the separate intervals that it would take.They gave me both a urine and blood test and fortunately,they told me that I was okay and that there was nothing wrong.But they told me that if anything should change,come back and let them know.They simply advised me to not drink too much fluids and not to drink too much before going to bed.They also advised me to make an appointment with my regular clinic for a follow-up to this and I promised them that I would.I will have to call on Monday and see if I can get a appointment very soon for that follow-up.The sooner the better.
When I got home,I bathed and I ate a light dinner.I also decided to do some last minute personal PC work.
The depression that I have been feeling lately isn't as bad as it was yesterday.I am still feeling the negative vibes and I am still hoping that I will get out of it soon.I hate feeling depression.It just makes me feel miserable when I want to smile and enjoy life.But I wind up feeling the opposite.I am hoping that this will pass and when it does,I also hope to feel better about myself.
Tonight,I am going out to sing.I am hoping that the night goes over well.I will also have a friend with me to share the fun with.Though I rarely have a bad night,I still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.I do have the feeling that everything will work out fine.Still,I hope.
The only good thing is that the whole thing that happened today had no impact on my SSA struggles.
As for the rest of the weekend,I have made no plans but whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the rest of the weekend.FJ

Friday, July 03, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was a rare Friday off for me.It is the start of the holiday weekend and I am getting four days off,including the weekend.WHOOPEE!I have four days to forget about the hectic week that I had and I am going to kick back and enjoy it.
Though this was my day off,I still had a lot to do.Firstly,I ate a quick breakfast and I went to our regular bank to withdraw some money for my mom.The money is to take care of some bills that my mom would like to get paid.After getting the money home,I registered it all on Where's George and did my personal PC work.After doing all of that,I proceeded to get on with my day.
The next thing that I did was to go and pay one of my credit card bills.Though it wasn't due until Tuesday,I wanted to pay it off sooner than later.It is now paid and I now have only a few more that need to be paid before the end of the month.I also had to mail out a few more bills that my mom needed to mail out.I also managed to get some grocery shopping done at a local supermarket.These were just a few things that my mom needed for the home and I went out to get everything that she needed.I also managed to get a few other personal things out of the way before the end of the afternoon.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though I am feeling okay,I am also feeling a little depressed.Though I have been reporting having good and positive feelings,I have also been feeling depressive feelings as well.But I am feeling hopeful and I am hoping that the spell will pass soon enough.While in this funk,I have been making spelling errors and correcting them at the same time.Again,I am feeling hopeful that the spell will pass soon and I will be back to normal functioning again.I am still eagerly awaiting the return of the hospital practitioner so I can talk to her about the funk that I have been going through and what I can do about it.The only problem is that she won't be back until this coming Wednesday.I am hoping that I can hang in there until then.I can say that being in a funk like this is not very good and anything can happen.I have been thinking that maybe I do need to take some additional medicine to help me.But I will proceed with caution and hope that I will be alright without having to take some additional medication.I have been feeling alright just taking the lone medication that I am currently prescribed but now,I have been in a depressive funk where I am feeling that there is no way out.Don't get me wrong,I know that there is a way out but the feeling of "no way out" is with me at the moment.Still,I am feeling hopeful that I will get out of this soon and when I do,I hope to feel a lot better.
The only positive thing about this is that it is having no impact on my SSA struggles.I am not having to contend with any images or cravings creeping up into my mentality.I am also not having any temptation to watch any pornography in any way,shape or form.In the past,when I was depressed,porn was a coping mechanism but now,I have no craving to watch that garbage.If I do indeed get the temptation,I can simply close off the internet and get off my computer.But at the moment,I am not having the temptation to watch it.Overall,this has been a good thing.
As for the weekend,I will be taking it easy and going out to sing tomorrow night.I am hoping that the night goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the holiday weekend ahead.FJ

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty decent day today.
The work shift went smoothly as it should have.There were no messes to clean up when I did the pick-up and that was good.I picked up what there was and I headed for the worksite.
When I got to the worksite,I started a load and hung out at the social club for a while.I browsed the internet while there and I also did my personal PC work.While on the net,I did some research on prescription medications.I checked out what the side effects were and what the drugs were used for.I only did this because the practitioner over at the local hospital was going to prescribe me with something to take alongside the medication that I am currently taking and I was unsure as to let her do that or not.I have been thinking that maybe I should try something else along with what I am currently taking because I am having a hard time getting back to sleep when I have to get up to use the bathroom.Right now,the practitioner is on vacation and I won't be able to speak with her until next week.I hope that I do get to talk with her about this.There are some things that I need to talk with her about regarding the medication therapy that I am currently doing.It is not that the medication isn't working for me,it is.But I am beginning to feel that I might need a little bit more.I will be careful to not let myself be over medicated.After doing that research,I decided to concentrate a lot more on my work.
Before I ate lunch,I bagged all of the clean laundry and after eating,I dropped it off at the rehab center.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit while waiting for the time to go see a skin specialist that I had an appointment with today.He was to check me out to see how well the prescriptions that he gave me a little over a month ago worked on removing a skin rash that I had.He gave me a clean report and I headed back home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local gas station to get some gas in my tank.After getting that,I headed for my bank to cash my paycheck.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I had a little talk with a neighbor of mine who was the victim of a break-in on my street recently.She told me what was taken from her garage and how she felt about it.I hated that she was broken in to and that stuff was taken from her.This wasn't right and I am hoping that it doesn't happen in my area again.Crime can be unbearable.
When I got into the house,I registered the bills that I had at the Where's George site.Despite some issues with the internet browser,I managed to get them all on the site.It wasn't easy getting them onto the site with the issues but again,I got them on there.I also managed to hit a bill today as well.That bill came from Erie PA.I will be sending that bill on it's way very soon.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work,including posting my day on here.It was a pretty decent day and I did get some stuff done today.
I am not feeling any apparent sadness at the moment.I have had some positive feelings as a result of my talking to my dad and I still have the feeling that everything is going to work out pretty well.I can hardly wait for his visit,which is coming up pretty soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I had no cravings nor any images creeping up into my mentality.This is a wonderful thing.I am hoping to get through the holiday weekend unscathed.
I have the day off tomorrow.I am getting an early start to the holiday weekend.I am hoping that the weekend goes well for me.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty decent day today.
The laundry pick-up went fair.I had a mess to clean up over at the rehab center and I had to bag all of the dirty laundry that wasn't bagged.I also had to do it alone as there was nobody else to help me out.Oh Well!But I didn't let it get me down.I managed to get it all over to the work place to sort it all out and have my lunch afterwards.I headed straight home after eating.
When I got home,I headed back out again because I had to go to the laundromat to do my underwear.It was a pretty good load and I needed to get it done because I was running low.It only took a little over an hour but when i was done,I folded it all and I bagged it all in a clean laundry bag and headed back home.
When I got home,I was a little worried about my personals bag that was missing.I called the social club to see if I had left it there and they informed me that I did and I went to pick it up immediately.It is now back at home and I feel better that it wasn't stolen or otherwise.I also checked the inside and everything was in there.I also managed to donate some old books to a local Salvation Army thrift shop before the end of the day.
After eating,I registered several dollar bills at the Where's George site.This was money that I had withdrawn from my bank account that I am putting aside for other things,including to help my mom with the tax bills.Since I still live with my mom,I do have to help her out when she needs it.I don't mind helping her out with these things.It is my duty to help her out.
I am not feeling any depression at the moment.I am feeling okay but tired.It was a long day and I am glad that it's almost over.Overall,a pretty decent day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems with cravings or images.I am not having any temptation to watch any pornography.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow without any problems.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.I do have the day off on Friday and I can use that time to work on my room cleaning.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty fair day today.
The work day fairly well.It started out pretty frustrating with me picking up a huge mess at teh rehab center before I could haul it all away.I was also late for work as a result of this.When I got to the work site,I found that one of the dryers was defective with the knob busted off.As a result of this,I had to use only one washer.Fortunately,the rest of the day went well despite the frustrations.After I was done,I bagged the clean laundry and I dropped it off at the rehab center.
After I got home,I laid down for a short time because I felt tired.I just wanted to forget the day that had happened and just relax and worry about tomorrow.I laid down for about 20 minutes before getting back up to tuen on my computer and do some more personal PC work.
After eating,I did manage to get a little bit done before I started having computer issues.It was having to do with the internet connection and the browser kept rebooting itself constantly.I had to repeatedly restart the computer to try to resolve the matter.As a result of me having these issues,I am posting this at the public library.I am jjust hoping that the issues will be resolved when I get home.I would hate to keep having these issues.Again,I am hoping that the issues will be resolved when I get home.
I am not feeling any depression at the moment.I am feeling okay and I am hoping that the day will be much better tomorrow after the frustrating day that I had today.Despite the frustration,it turned out to be an okay day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I had no cravings nor images creeping up into my mentality.I am also not having the temptation to watch pornography,which is great. I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow without any problems.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that it all works out well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Monday, June 29, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was my day off.I still had soemthing to do.I had an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor in the late afternoon and I had plenty of time to prepare.
Before all of that,I woke up this morning and had a quick breakfast.I also did my personal PC work and this time,it took me only 1/2 an hour to do.After that was done,I did my personal research on some prescription drugs that the nurse practitioner wanted me to try.I just wanted to check out the side effects and how they might work for me if I were to take the advice of the practitioner and give them a try.I still have one more to check out and I will be doing that when I am done posting on here.
Since I had a late appointment,I had an early dinner.It was a light stir fry chicken dinner that my mom prepared in a hurry so I could eat and get on with the rest of the day.
After eating,I got ready for my appointment and I headed over there.When I got to the office,I arrived there on time but had to wait a while.
The session went well.We simply continued with an assignment on anger and everything went well.I had a good talk with her and it was pleasant.I will not be meeting with her for several weeks as she will be on medical leave.I will just have to wait patiently for her return.
After leaving her office,I simply headed for home.On the way,I stopped to get some gas in my tank at a local gas station.My tank is now almost full but still,plenty of fuel.Overall,a pretty good day.
I am not feeling any negative feelings at the moment.I am feeling good that I am now combatting my anger and making up with my father.I am hoping that everything continues to work out for me.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am not having any problems.I am noyt having any cravings nor any images creeping up into my mentality.I am also not having any temptation to watch any pornography at the moment and that in itself is something.I am hoping to get through tomorrow without any issues.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for teh day ahead.FJ

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
This morning,when I got up out of bed,I ate a quick breakfast and I did my personal PC work.It only took me about 1/2 an hour to do.I guess that reducing my e-mail load by unsubscribing from some of the groups that I was a member of actually helped.I am not on the internet as much as I used to be and I really don't miss all of that time spent.
I stayed home for much of the day because the weather was rainy.Plus,there isn't an awful lot to do in my hometown anyway.I just stayed home and took it easy while watching a little bit of TV and watching a DVD.
When the rain stopped,I only went out to run one errand for myself.I had to buy a few things that I needed for myself.I went to the local Wal-Mart to buy a phone card for my cell phone and I also bought some fiber capsules.I also went to a local supermarket to pick up some herbal tea.After getting all of these things,I went home.
When I got home,I waited for dinner to get done.My mom was busy preparing something and I was looking forward to it.While waiting,I did some more personal PC work and I registered several one dollar bills at the Where's George site.I also added the minutes on my cell phone from the card that I bought.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work and to post my day on here.It was a pretty good day and I am glad that everything went as well as it did.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went well.It was yet another awesome night and I got a lot of positive responses from the crowd for the songs that I sang.I did do a song by Michael Jackson as a tribute to him because it was tragic and sad that he died young and so suddenly.It was a great night and I am looking forward to next week.
At the moment,I am not feeling any depression.I am feeling pretty good.The day isn't over yet and I still have a few more personal things that I need to do.I am thinking of calling my father again and talking with him.I have been having some great talks with him and they have been going well.Again,I am thinking of calling my dad and talking with him for a while.
Reagrding my SSA struggles,I am having no problems.I am not having any cravings nor images clouding my mentality.I am also not having the temptation to watch any pornography.This is really great.I am hoping that the new week will bring some positive results.
Tomorrow is my day off.I am hoping that the day goes well.I do have a late appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor tomorrow and I am hoping that the session goes well.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Firstly,when I woke up,I felt like giving back to the community.I donated a whole bunch of cassette tapes to the Salvation Army after I had ate breakfast.They were very appreciative of my generous contribution and thanked me.I headed back home after that.
I did my personal PC work after I had gotten home.It was only very little that needed to be done.I haven't had many e-mails since I stopped memberships in several online groups that I was a member of.I am glad for that.That way,I can cut my internet time in half and so far,it has been working.I have not been online too much as of late and I am glad that I could reduce the amount of time by simply stopping my memberships in some groups.Most of these groups delivered pornographic styled materials to my e-mail box and as I have stated before,I needed to break free from pornography and stay away from it.So far,I am making progress in that.I got rid of all the pornography that I had and I had to stop my memberships in all of these groups that delivered stuff like that to my e-mail box.I am glad that I am no longer ensnared by porn and that gives me a really good feeling.
I stayed home for most of the day and I went out only once since this morning.I just took a drive around my area and enjoy the nice weather that we were having.I went back home after the drive and took it easy.I really didn't have anyplace to go.
While waiting for dinner to get done,I took a bath and cleaned up for tonight.When I finished,I decided to relax some more because I was feeling tired.I slept for only 20 minutes until my mom called me for dinner.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work,including posting here.I am feeling pretty good and I am anticipating the night ahead where I will be singing up a storm tonight.I am thinking of doing my all time favorite Michael Jackson song as a tribute to him because I am already missing him.It is a shame that he died so suddenly and still a young man.I am hoping that the evening goes well for me.I rarely have a bad night,but I always hope for things to go well because you never know what might happen to really ruin things.I do have the feeling that things are going to go well.Still,I hope.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.There were no images nor cravings creeping up into my mentality.This is a wonderful thing.I am hoping that I can get through the rest of the weekend unscathed.
As for the rest of the weekend,I have no plans but whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the rest of the weekend.FJ

Friday, June 26, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I got everything that needed to get done accomplished and after I was done,I dropped everything off at the rehab center.
Today,I did hang out at the social club while waiting for the laundry loads to get done and this time,it was a little bit better.I did have another encounter with the same guy that I had yesterday but this time,I was prepared.He had the nerve to ask me to sing a song by Cyndi Lauper but I just brushed it off.I did have some nice talks with a few of the others there and that was something.
Though I was feeling better today,I did get a minor spell of the blues.It just hit me all of a sudden.I was saying things like "Oh Boy" to myself for no particular reason.But I did get over this.I am feeling pretty good at the moment.The weather was nice today despite a passing thundershower that was in the area for about 20 minutes.It was later sunny and a little humid.
On the way home,I did stop over at the bank to cash my paycheck and when I did get home,I decided to throw out some more garbage that had accumulated in my room throughout the years.IIt was hard work and I was sweating most of the time as I was working.I was also killing time while waiting for my computer to warm up and for dinner to get ready.I did get this accomplished and on Tuesday night,all that garbage is going to the curb to be taken away by the garbagemen.Most of what I was throwing out was more pornographic magazines that I had and forgotten about.I am just glad to have gotten this done and I am going to be doing more in the coming weeks as the summer is winding down.I am hoping that the garbage loads will not be as big as they have been since I've started this.I am just glad to have gotten this accomplished.There is still more to be done and I will be doing that in the next several weeks.
After eating,I registered all the bills that I had at the Where's George site and I also did some e-mail work.Overall,a pretty good day.
I am not feeling any depression at the moment.As stated,I did get a minor spell of the blues during the day but I got over that.This has been the only depression that I have been feeling,which is sudden depression and these spells hit when least expected.But again,I am not feeling anything bluesy at the moment and I am hoping that the rest of the evening goes well enough.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am having no problems.I am not having any images clouding my mind nor am I having any cravings.This is contributing to how I am feeling and again,I am hoping that these good feelings last for a while.
I am going to be going out to sing tomorrow night and I am hoping that the evening goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.This hasn't been a very good day for me.
Firstly,the work shift went pretty smooth.I didn't have too much to do and I managed to get everything done in the period of time that I had.After bagging everything,I dropped everything off at the rehab center before heading straight home.
I only headed straight home because there was a Thunderstorm Warning in effect for the area that I am living in and I wanted to be sure that I was home before it hit.
When I got home,I started to do some catching up on some room cleaning and I managed to get 4 garbage bags filled with a lot of paper residue and it was hard to get it done.After I was done with that,I relaxed just as the storm hit.It was a big storm at that and I was glad to be home.
When the storm ceased,I managed to get out to a local Dollar General store to buy some more garbage bags because I am now low on these and I wanted to have more when I continue to do the work that I need to get done.I also managed to get some books gathered together and I am going to donate these to a charitable organization that can use them.I am at the start of cleaning up this mess and I will be glad to get this done.
The reason why I am feeling mixed emotions is because I was shocked at some really tragic news.The deaths of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson are the main reason why I am feeling down.Plus,I was once again haggled by a guy over at work.This guy asked me a nonsense question in the form of asking if he could play with my antenna.I did say NO to the guy but he kept ranting and raving up a storm and it made me nervous.This was bad enough and the deaths of Fawcett and Jackson also contributed to the way I am feeling at the moment.These people were both a part of my life.I used to watch the TV show Charlie's Angels and I'm also a fan of Michael Jackson's music.These events really didn't make the day any better and the incident over at work was just so insane.I am just hoping that the rest of the day will end positively.I could use a good night's sleep and I am hoping that it will help dispell some of the negative emotions that I am feeling right now.
After eating,I watched the evening news and I also decided to go out for a drive.I stopped to see how my brother in-law was doing.He was busy talking with a guy from the neighborhood that he was in and I couldn't really talk to him.But there are other days and I am hoping to get some more good talks with him.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am going to need a lot of encouragement.I am also going to need the support and advice from all of my fellow human beings at the moment.I don't want to act out nor do I want to watch any pornography.Again,I am going to need some encouragement and support.I am hoping to get some and I just want to get through this difficult time.After having some great days with no depression or temptations,I am now feeling depressed and I know that I will be tempted to do things that would make me compromise or act out.Please fellow human beings,I need some encouragement and support.Thanks in advance.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes better tomorrow than it did today.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up.It wasn't very much and I managed to sort out the laundry before I had lunch.I headed straight home after eating.
Before I went to work,I ran an errand for my mom.I had to pick up a couple of things that my mom needed from a local drug store.After dropping the stuff off,I headed for work.
When I returned home,I relaxed and watched another one of the After School Specials that I had on the DVD set that I own.I also managed to clean the bath tub this afternoon,which was loaded with soap scum.It was a difficult job but I managed to get it done.The tub is now clean.
After watching the DVD,I headed back out to a local laundromat to clean my dirty underwear.I decided to give my mom a break from doing that.Not only that,we are also trying to save on water.I also want to show her that I can do this myself even if I do have to spend money.After cleaning the underwear,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped off at my brother in law's to talk with him for a while and to see when he was going to come over to check and fix a few fans that we had in the house.After working on them,they are now working and are in use.We need to keep the house cool during these HAZY,HOT & HUMID days that we are having right now.The house is now feeling cool and that is great.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I decided to do some last minute personal PC work,which includes posting my day here.It was a pretty good day.
At the moment,I am not feeling any depression.I haven't felt any of that for the past couple of weeks.I also have not had any bad dreams nor any recurring ones.I have been feeling good.I guess having those little talks with my father have been doing some good.I know that I have been posting this for quite some time on this blog but I just can't help believing that talking with my father and learning to let go of anger would be beneficial.I am going to talk with my father again this coming Sunday and I am hoping that the talk will go well.I am still looking forward to his visit next month.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am having no problems.There are no cravings nor images creeping up into my mentality.I am not feeling any temptations at the moment.I hope to get through tomorrow the same way.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work day went as smoothly as it could.The only disappointment was that there wasn't an awful lot of laundry for me to pick up.But I managed to get through the day and I did get a lot of work done.After I was finished,I dropped everything off at the rehab center and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up some pepperoni for some pizza that we have.After paying for it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I installed a window fan up in my room and I relaxed for a bit.While relaxing,I watched another After School special on the DVD set that I own.After watching that,I decided to do some more personal PC work.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a bit before posting my day on here.It was a pretty good day and I did get an awful lot done.
Weatherwise,the weather is HOT and HUMID,which was the main reason why I put the window fan up in my room.I need it to keep my room cool in weather like this.For most of June,we had a mixed bag of weather where it was nice and sunny one minute and the next day was raining hard.But now,we are having some humid days with the possibility of rain before the end of the week.
Moodwise,I am feeling pretty good.I am not feeling any depression at the moment and I am also feeling hopeful.The hopefulness is the result of the conversations that I have been having with my father and how well that they are going.I never thought that I would feel an inner peace from talking with my father.I am not as depressed as I have been and that is really great.I am hoping that these good feelings will last for a long time.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I can still report that I am not feeling any feelings of the condition right now.I am not feeling any cravings nor any images creeping up into my mentality.I am also not having any temptation to watch pornography at the moment.I am glad to be free of pornography and not only that,I haven't masturbated in a long time.I don't know how long it has been since I masturbated last but I know that it has been quite a while.I am feeling really good as a result of this.I also have to keep in mind that I have to take this as a "One Day at a Time" thing.If I get through one day without any problems with SSA,Good.There is still the day after that and so on.I can never think of "Never Again" because that would be unrealistic.The realistic way is simply "One Day at a Time".I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow unscathed.
I am also keeping an eye on another blog here because the blogger,who also struggles with SSA,is going through a rough period at the moment.He messed up and I offered him some words of encouragement.I am hoping that he gets through this.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick up goes smoothly with no messes to clean up.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Monday, June 22, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was my day off.I only had one small thing to do today,which was for my mother.I had to drop her off at a local supermarket to get her shopping done.After I did that,I paid a visit to my mechanic to see how he was doing and after a few minutes of talking with him,I headed over to the post office to mail out a bill payment that I needed to get out.
After mailing out my bill payment,I headed over to the supermarket to see if my mom was done with her shopping,which she was.After bagging the groceries,we headed for home.
After unpacking the groceries,we relaxed and took it easy for a bit.It was a pretty hot and humid day and we felt that we needed a little rest after all the work that was done.
After eating,I decided to go out to an anger management group meeting.While I have gotten some stuff out of these in the past,I didn't get an awful lot out of tonights meeting.Because two of the men there who were venting their issues were talking about how they wished that they had weapons and that triggered something for me.Instead of losing my temper,I got up and I walked around the place where the meeting was being held because I didn't want to embarass myself with losing my temper and having a fit.So,I felt that a little walk was a better idea.Idid feel better but there was still the triggers and fortunately,I got through the meeting and I have a few weeks off due to them not having any due to the upcoming 4th of July weekend.
When I got home,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work before turning in for the night.Overall,despite the negative stuff,it was a pretty good day.
I am not feeling any depression at the moment.I have been feeling pretty good.I guess those little talks that I have been having with my father over the phone on Sunday's have been doing me a lot of good.I have not been feeling the blues as much.I used to get really down on certain days for no particular reason and just lull around in the blues for quite some time.But tonight,as I have been feeling over the past week,I have been feeling the opposite and I am glad for that.It has been just positive for me and I am hoping that these feelings will last.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I have had no problems.I have not had any cravings nor images cloud my mentality and that is great.I am also not having any temptation to watch any pornography in any way,shape or form.But again,I know that I will still get the temptation to watch pornography when I least expect it and I will deal with the temptation when the temptation comes around.But for now,I can rest easy because the temptation is nill at the moment.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there.
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
This morning,when I woke up,I ate a quick breakfast and I did my personal PC work.It only lasted for about 45 minutes.I didn't have too much to do.After I was finished,I shut my computer down.
For most of the day,I was at my sister's house where my brother in-law cooked up a great fish fry.It was really neat.I was filled after eating my first helping.I had a great time eating with my family.I even had a small talk with my father while there.I also told him that I would call him tonight to talk with him again.We stayed at the house for quite a while and we headed for home as everything was winding down.
When we got home,my mom laid down and read while I watched a couple of After School Specials on the DVD set that I have.It was a wonderful day and I had a great time.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went well.The night started out slow but did improve as the night got underway.I managed to get my usual allotment in and I had a pretty good time.
At the moment,I am not feeling any depression.I did have a minor spell for much of the day but I got over it as the day was getting off.I have had no recurring bad dreams nor have I had any flashbacks to my Novemeber accident last year.I am feeling pretty good and I am also hoping that these feelings last for quite a while.I will simply have to deal with the depression when the spells come.But I am just going to enjoy these good feelings for now.I also had another talk with my father tonight and it was a pleasant conversation.I am looking forward to talking with him next week.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I am having no cravings nor any images clouding my mentality.I am also not feeling any temptation to watch pornography online or otherwise.Still,I need to be on guard.I know that the temptation to watch pornography will come and I will have to deal with this when it happens.I guess that the good feelings that I am having are contributing to my temptations being nill.As stated,I am glad that I have a choice whether to act out or not.I have chosen not to act out when the desires come and that is good.Plus,I haven't masturbated in quite a while.It has been a long time since I last did that.I am hoping that whatever I am doing right is that it continues to work for me.
Tomorrow is my day off.I do have an anger management support group meeting tomorrow night and I am hoping that it goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was the start of the weekend.The weather was also rainy and a little windy.As a result,I didn't have too much to do.
This morning,I did my personal PC work and I also waited for a shipment to come in.It was a shipment that I have been waiting for most of the week.I finally got it but it was very agonizing waiting for it to come in.
Today,I went over to my grand niece's birthday party.She turned 9 this year and I went over there to share in the celebration.It was a wonderful party.Though it was,I was feeling a spell of the blues again.I went to the party in a depressive funk.But I didn't let it stop me.I only briefly went home to check and see if the package had arrived,and as stated,it did.After that,I went back to have a slice of cake with the people.
After eating the slice of cake,my mom and I went home and she got a phone call from our next door neighbor.I relaxed and watched a DVD that I put in.While doing that,I got a phone call from a friend of mine saying that he was going to meet me at the place tonight.I told him okay and went back to watching the DVD.
After what I was watching was over,I bathed to get ready for going out.I just wanted to make sure that I was cleaned up to go out.
After my bath,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work and post my day on here.
Though I am feeling pretty good,I did have another brief,but mild,spell of depression.It happened just prior to me going to to the birthday party.But as stated,I didn't let the spell stop me from going there and see how my grand niece enjoyed the gifts that were given her.Though depressed,I still liked the sight of her opening her presents and enjoying them.I also took a picture of her while she held up one of her gifts for me.It was a nice party and I was glad that she enjoyed them.
At the moment,I am not feeling any depression.When I got home,I took a couple of St.John's Wort capsules to help ease my depression and they seem to be helping because I am not feeling any depression.I am feeling pretty good right now and that is better than sadness.I am hoping that my time out tonight will also help make me feel better.
I will be going out to sing up a storm tonight.I am hoping that the evening will work out for me.Though I rarely have a bad night,I still hope for things to go well.I am hoping that everything works out for the better and that I have a blast singing.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.Despite the mild depressive spell,I had no cravings nor images creep up into my mentality.There have been times in the past where there were problems when I was struggling with spells of the blues but today,I was having no problems.This does not mean that I have it beat.I have to be on guard that the feelings will come back when least expected and I'll just handle them when they come.I am also not having any temptation to watch any pornography at the moment and that is great.Still,that temptation will also come when least expected and I will also handle this when it comes.But right now,I am not having any temptation and that is great.
Tomorrow afternoon,we are having dinner over at my sister's house.My brother in-law is going to be frying up some fresh fish for dinner.I can hardly wait for that to come tomorrow.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Friday, June 19, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up nor was there any other problems.I simply did my work and that was it.After I was done,I dropped off everything at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I dropped off some things before heading back out to run a couple of errands.Firstly,I went to get a gift for my brother in law for Father's Day.I also went to cash my paycheck.After that,I headed back home.
When I got back home,I registered all the bills at the Where's George site and I did some more personal PC work.
After eating a light dinner,I went out to run another errand.I went to a card shop to pick up a few Father's Day cards.I also went to the nearby supermarket to pick up a gallon of milk.I headed home to drop everything off and I went for a drive.
On the way back,I stopped off at my sister's house to talk with my brother in-law for a while.He had quite a few others over as well and I really didn't get to talk too much with him.But we did have some small talk and that was better than nothing.I headed back home after that.
Though I am feeling okay,I am also feeling a little depressed.But this current spell is mild and it will pass.I am not feeling any real sadness at the moment and that is great.At least,I don't feel like crying.But again,it will pass and I will be feeling better soon.I just hate it when spells of the blues just come upon me when least expected.But I am just going to weather the storm and I am hoping to come out of it unscathed.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the only good thing is that I am not having any problems.I am not having any cravings to act out or watch any pornography.Plus,no images are creeping up into my mind.This has been a pretty good week so far,despite the brief episode that I had this week.I am still feeling the mild depression but that will pass and I will be feeling better soon.
Tomorrow night,I will be going out to sing even though I don't feel like it.But I do it for the people and I always hope that they enjoy it.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I simply did what I had to do in the amount of time that I had.I also had to help one of the job coaches with something.After the shift was over,I ate lunch and I piled all the clean laundry bags that I had into my 4X4 and I dropped them off at the rehab center.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I had the house all to myself for a while because my mom was out having her hair done.I watched a DVD for a while until she got home.She looked a lot better than she did in a long time.
I also managed to get my personal PC work done.I also canceled memberships on several Yahoo forums in order to help reduce my e-mail load.I hope that it does indeed help.I need to find some more constructive things to do rather than spending so much time on the computer.Don't get me wrong,I like being on my computer and I am saving gas because I used to go to the public library to do my computer work.But I realize that I spend too much time online.I am working on cutting my online time in half and not be so much on it.I am hoping that what I am doing helps.
I also ran a couple of errands.I went to a local supermarket to get a couple cans of soup for dinner alongside a pack of cheese and a box of cereal.The second errand was that I went to a local Dollar General store to get a small thing that my mom needed.I also managed to spend some time over at my sister's house for a while during all of this.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work,including posting here.Overall,a pretty good day.
I am feeling a lot better now.I am not feeling any depression at the moment nor am I feeling anything else negative.I had a pretty good day and I am also feeling better about myself right now.I don't know what it is but the depression that I felt last week is practically gone.I am not feeling any sadness nor am I feeling anything related.I guess that I am still looking forward to my father's visit in July.I am looking forward to seeing him and spending some time with him.I am hoping that the time with him goes well.I have a feeling that it will but still,I hope.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode early this morning.It was when I was trying to get back to sleep after using the bathroom.I was also manipulating my sexuality as a result of images creeping up into my mentality.The best thing was that I managed to stop myself from making the situation get worse where I would wind up acting out by masturbating.I did managed to fall back asleep for about an hour before I got up.
I am also not having any temptation to watch any pornography at the moment.This is also making me feel the way I am feeling.I am glad that I am no longer ensnared by the lure of pornography.It feels great to know that I now have a choice whether to watch or not to watch.Though I am not tempted to watch any porn,I still have to be on guard.I know that the temptation to watch porn in any way,shape or form will come when I least expect it.But at least,I can now choose not to watch it.I will just have to handle the temptation to watch pornography when the temptation comes.But for now,I am not having any temptation to watch any of that garbage.I am also hoping that the way I am feeling stays for quite a while.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up and I simply put the bags in my 4X4 and headed for the work site.When I got there,I had lunch before before sorting the laundry out.
After eating and sorting out the laundry,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a 1/2 gallon of orange juice.After paying for the juice,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I dropped the juice off and I got ready for my appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor.
My session with the counselor went well.It was shortened because there was something going on and she had to take care of that.As a result,the session was cut short.But I did get something out of it and it was wonderful.We made another appointment and we called it over.
On the way home,I stopped over at my sister's house and talked with my brother in-law for a while.It was a good conversation.We talked about a lot of personal things and about my father's upcoming visit,which is supposed to take place in July.After talking with him,I headed for home.
When I got home,I registered some bills at the Where's George site and I went out to get something to eat.My mom and I each had a cheeseburger and a chicken sandwich from Wendy's for dinner with some tater tots on the side.It was wonderful and after I ate,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.
I am feeling pretty good.I am not feeling any depression at the moment.There are also no negative thoughts or images creeping up into my mentality.I guess that now I am really getting to the roots of the emotional issues that I am struggling with at the moment,I am feeling better.There are also a lot of things that I am anticipating.I am anticipating a reconciliation with my father and though his visit is still several weeks away,I have a feeling that the reconciliation will work out well.I am already getting the good feeling that everything will work out well and that this will be a big success.For a long time,I have held onto to my mom's image of my father and now,I am letting go of that.I am going to get to know my father a little bit better.I am also looking forward to this visit and spending some time with him.Again,I have the feeling that everything will work out well.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.There were no images or cravings.I'm also not having the temptation to watch pornography at the moment.Though I am not,I still have to be on guard.The temptation will come when I least expect it and I will just have to deal with the temptation when it happens.Again,I am feeling pretty good and I am hoping that these feelings last for quite a while.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work day went smoothly.I did pick up a few bags of laundry today and took them to the worksite.After sorting them out and starting a couple of loads,I headed over to the social club.
After spending some time there,I decided to concentrate a lttle bit more on my work.I started two more loads of laundry and read from my book for a while as I waited for the loads to get done.As lunchtime approached,I decided to go back to the social club to eat.
After lunch,I continued with my job and read again from my book.
Though I am feeling okay,I did have a brief depressive spell during my work time.It was a case of sudden sadness again but over the course of the afternoon,I started to feel better as the day was winding down.After bagging the laundry,I dropped it off at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
As son as I got home,I was to head back out again to go to a laundromat to dry my underwear.
As I was waiting for my underwear to get dry,I read a couple more chapters from my book and when the laundry was done drying,I bagged it all and headed straight home.
When I got home,I finished my personal PC work.I also waited for dinner to get done.
After eating,I watched the evening news and decided to do some last minute personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day despite the brief depressive spell that I had.
At the moment,I am not feeling any depression nor am I having any negative thoughts.I am feeling pretty good and I am also feeling hopeful.I am hoping that these good feelings will last a while.I know the blues can come when least expected and I am prepared for that.I am not saying that I am hoping for the blues to come.I am saying that depression will happen.I am not feeling it now and that is actually a good feeling in itself.But again,I know that depression will happen again.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am having no problems.I am not having any cravings to act out nor are any images creeping up into my mentality.I am also not having the temptation to watch any pornography in any way,shape or form.I am still feeling the good feelings of having thrown away some porn that I had.Again,I had to get rid of all the porn because it was having a negative impact on my recovery from SSA.Pornography has no purpose in the world.The only things that porn does is give people a negative image of sex in general and also,it makes people look like degrading filth.It also makes sex in general look cheap and disgusting.Again,pornography is garbage that has no purpose other than to degrade people and make them look dirty.It's still giving me a feeling of satisfaction that I hope never leaves.I am glad to be free of pornography.Still,the temptation to watch it is still there.I will have to deal with it on a "I'll handle it when the temptation comes around" type of basis.So far,I am not having the temptation to watch porn at the moment,but I know that the temptation will come when least expected.I have to be on guard.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes well without any messes to clean up.I also have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor tomorrow afternoon and I am hoping that the session goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Monday, June 15, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was my day off.I did have an appointment with a practitioner at the local hospital.This was to monitor my progress on how I am living with the emotional condition that I am struggling with.
Before all of that,I had a quick breakfast and I did my personal PC work.I also watched a couple more After School Specials on the DVD set that I own.After all of that,I went to my appointment.
My session with the practitioner went surprisingly well.I told her everything that has been happening with me.I also told her about a dream that I had nearly a week ago.I dreamed that I was on a bridge and I accidently fell off the bridge and plunged into the river of water underneath it.This dream woke me up out of a deep sleep.I also couldn't get back to sleep after that dream that night.I told her also about the depression that I was feeling last week.I even shared with her that I got rid of all the pornography that I had in a dumpster away from my house so it would all go to a garbage dump because that is where pornography truly belongs.I even told her about all the conversations that I was having with my father and that the conversations were very pleasant.She praised me about some of the progress that I made and she also made an adjustment in my medication.I told her that the reason why I am talking with my father again is because I want to let go of the anger that I have for my father and that I want to truly forgive him for what he did to the family.She was also going to prescribe me with an anti-depressant to help with my sleep patterns but I begged off.I don't want to be overly medicated.I am not saying that taking medication is not good nor am I saying that it wouldn't work.It is just that I heard so many negative information about anti-depressant medication that I don't want to take any chances.I do value my life but taking a risk like that,I feel,would be too much.I am just going to have to go with the adjustment in my medication and I will hope for the best.
After leaving the hospital,I stopped at my regular drug store to get my prescription filled and drop it off at home.I also headed back out because I had to pick up a few things at a couple of local supermarkets.After doing the shopping,I headed for home and waited for dinner to get ready.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.I did register a dollar bill at the Where's George site.Overall,a pretty good day.
I am feeling pretty good.I have had no depression happen to me at this moment.I am feeling a little bit better about myself.I am feeling great all over and I am hoping that this feeling lasts for a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I had no cravings to act out nor any images creep up into my mentality.I guess that getting rid of all the pornography that I had has helped me feel better.I also have no temptation to watch any pornography at the moment.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow without any problems.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling really good.I had a very good day today.
Today,I decided to get started on putting my vinyl album collection in boxes.It was pretty hard work and I sweat quite a bit,but I was glad to get around to doing that and feel great about a job well done.I do have the feeling that I am going to need some more boxes to complete the job.I just didn't realize that I had so many albums.It is going to take some time but the job will get done.I am just getting started because I do want to lighten the load a little for the people that are going to be helping me out.Again,I am going to have to get a few more boxes to get the record albums in there.
Today was also a nice day.It was sunny and mild.The best thing to happen was that my brother in-law came over to fix the toilet mechanism and now,the toilet is working good.
I did have one small errand to run.I had a whole bunch of empty bottles and cans in the back of my 4X4 that I needed to get rid of.I wanted to make some room to make my job a little bit easier.I needed the space.I am glad that they are now turned in and I can rest easily.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went well.It was a pretty good night.It did start off slow but did get busy later on.I had a pretty good time last night.
On the way to the place last night,I made a really big step that I hope will benefit me later on.I got rid of all the disgusting pornography that I had in my closet.It was a whole bunch of videos,magazines and books that had to go.I have made the point clear that pornography is garbage and that it has no place in my world if I want to overcome SSA.Pornography is also mental poison and I am glad to be finally rid of the porn that I had.It is now in a dumpster somewhere waiting to go to a garbage dump anywhere out of the city.I am also making a resolution not to go to any porn shops and to stay away from any porn sections in stores that have a section such as that.Again,if I want to overcome SSA,I needed to rid myself of pornography and not have it in any part of my life.I am glad to have finally gotten rid of that garbage and again,I don't want any part of it in my life.
I am feeling pretty good.I am not feeling any depression right now.It seems that only a few days ago,I was feeling really down and sad by a sudden case of the blues that had dropped on me when least expected.But tonight,I am feeling better about myself than I have been feeling in a long time and I am hoping that this feeling really lasts.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I had no issues with images or cravings and this is contributing to my good feelings.This has been a pretty good week and I am hoping that the new week goes as well as this one.I had only one brief episode this week and I guess that I may be doing something right.I am hoping that I can get through this week without having any problems.
I am thinking of going out to have a drink with the guys over at the place where I entertain and I am hoping for some good conversations with them.
Tomorrow is my day off.I do have an appointment with the local hospital practitioner tomorrow afternoon and I am hoping that the session goes well.I am also hoping that the rest of the day also goes good.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was a day that I had only a little bit to do.Before anything,I had a quick breakfast and I did my personal PC work.It was only a little bit to do.After doing that,I did a scan on my computer and proceeded to get on with the day.
I went out to run a small errand for my mom and I also managed to stop at a few garage sales.I was surprised to see that there were some sales going on because the day wasn't too sunny and bright as it was yesterday.But I stopped to look around and there really wasn't much there for me to look for so I proceeded to finish the errand that I was doing for my mom.
I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up some green onions that my mom needed for tonight's dinner.I was fortunate that they has some left because they had a sale on them.After paying for them,I headed for home but also stopped at another garage sale along the way.
When I got home,I went to check on my computer to see if the scan was done,which it wasn't.I simply watched a little bit of TV until it was done.It took several hours but when it was done,there were no security risks in my database.I will be doing more scans weekly to try and keep my computer safe from all risks.It is wonderful that everything was okay.
Before I ate,I bathed for a while to get cleaned up for tonight.I am going out to sing and I am hoping for a wonderful evening.Though I rarely have a bad night,I still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.I do have the feeling that everything will work out but I hope.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I decided to post my day on here.Overall,a pretty good day.
I am not feeling any depression right now.I am feeling good.I was feeling down for much of the week.It was a case of the sudden blues that happen when least expected.But tonight,I am feeling great and I am not feeling any sadness.I also feel confident that the night will go well.I am also feeling confident that I will have a great night singing.I also have a smile on my face as I am typing this.I hope that I can continue feeling this good.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am having no problems.I have had no cravings or images creeping up into my mentality.I am also not having any tempation to watch pornography either.It is wonderful.Though I am feeling wonderful not to have any SSA issues today,I still have to be on guard.The cravings,images and the temptation to watch any pornography will come when least expected and I will have to deal with them when they strike.But I can smile and feel good because I now have the choice not to act out on the desires,including watching porn in any way,shape or form.It is great t0 have choices and to make the right ones.I am hoping that I can get through the rest of the weekend unscathed.
That was my day today and my hopes for the rest of the weekend.FJ

Friday, June 12, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I didn't have too much to do.I had only a small load of laundry to pick up and when I was done,I dropped off the clean laundry at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I dropped my personal stuff off and I headed back out.I went to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and to cash my paycheck at the bank.After the transactions,I headed back home.
When I got home,I immediately went online and I registered all the bills that I had at the Where's George site.It took me several minutes to get all of the bills on there and to have them stamped.I also waited for dinner to get done.
After eating,I watched the evening news and I did some more personal PC work,which included posting my day on here.
I am feeling pretty good.I am not feeling any depression of any kind right now.I guess that with the day being a bright sunny day has something to do with it.Plus,the day went pretty well with nothing negative to report.I am hoping that the rest of the day goes well.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I have had no images or cravings creep up into my mentality today.Plus,I have no desire to watch any pornography online.I am just feeling very elated as a result.I am hoping that the rest of the week goes by as well as today.
The weekend is finally here.I am already anticipating tomorrow night.I can hardly wait to go out and sing for my friends tomorrow night.I am hoping that the evening goes well for me.
As for the rest of the weekend,I have no plans but whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I simply did what I had to do in the time that I had.After dropping the clean laundry off,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I dropped some things off at home and I headed back out.
I went to a local supermarket to get some food for dinner tonight.My mom and I wanted something different so I went out and bought a few things that we needed.I managed to find al most everything that I was looking for and after I paid for the stuff,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I took it easy while finishing my personal PC work.
After eating,I watched the evening news and decided to go out for a while.I went to pay my brother in law a visit.He was working on a house that he would like to sell once he's finished.We talked for a while and when he went back in the house to finish the job,I headed back out.I drove for a while around the town and I stopped over at my sister's house to pay my niece and her kids a little visit.I didn't stay long and it was raining.After a few minutes,I headed back home.
I am now relaxing and taking it easy.I am also anticipating the new day tomorrow.Tomorrow is the day where all the TV stations are switching over to digital TV.But what I am anticipating is the day itself and not the changeover.I am hoping that the day goes well for me and that everything works for the better.
Though I am feeling okay,I am feeling depressed again.I have been feeling this way since I have been home from shopping.I started the day feeling pretty good but now,a sudden sadness has crept up.I don't know why I am feeling this way.I guess that since I am making a big step in wanting to let go of the anger that I have for my father and forgiving him for all the hurt that he has caused,I guess that I really don't know what to expect nor what to anticipate.I need some help and I really need some encouragement.If anyone out there can give me any insight on how I can go about this.I know that my visit with my father is still a long way off but I need to know how I can go about this in the proper way.Again,if anyone out there has any ideas,please share with me.Thanks.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I didn't have to contend with any images or cravings to act out.I also didn't watch any pornography today,though the temptation to watch is still there.Whenever I am feeling depressed,my temptation to watch porn is strong.I used to watch porn online as a "pick me up" whenever I was down,but I am trying to find alternate ways of being cheered up.I haven't watched any porn in several months but again,the temptation to watch porn is still there.I am not going to watch any porn because porn is not going to give me the fulfillment that I truly need.Pornography is trash.I have to continue keeping that in mind.I also have to keep reminding myself of all these things.Pornography is something that I truly don't need because aside from being garbage,it is also mental poison.I am just going to have to fight this temptation until it is dead.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up at the rehab center and I could take it to the work site and sort everything out.I also had lunch at work before heading straight home.
When I got home,I helped my mom sort out some laundry that we have been putting off for a long time.It was just a bunch of dirty clothes that we have been meaning to do.I took them to a local laundromat and had them done.It took a few hours but I got them done.
After they were done,I put the clean clothes in a clean laundry bag that I had bought and I headed straight home.
After sorting out the clothes,I put them away and I waited for dinner to get done.While doing that,I registered a five dollar bill at the Where's George site and tried to get some more personal PC work done but I was having some issues.The browser kept having to reboot itself each and every time I tried to do the work.I restarted the computer several times before I could finally get the work done.
After eating,I decided to post here and share my day.It was a pretty good day and I was glad to have done the things that I did to get by.I was glad to get a lot accomplished.
Though I am feeling okay,I am feeling a little bit sad.I had heard about the tragedy at the Holocuast Museum in the nation's capitol.A gunmen,who is a white supremicist,shot and killed a guard.It was also hard to believe that a man in his 80's would do such a thing.I feel bad for the families of both the guard and the gunmen.It is just sad when an innocent person gets murdered for no particular reason.There is also no excuse for murder.I am hoping that both the families will get through this.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.My mentality was not clouded with any images nor did I have any cravings to act out.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow without any problems.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work day went smoothly.I simply did my job in the amount of time that I had and when the day was over,I dropped the laundry off at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
When I got home,my mom got ready to do a little bit of shopping.She wanted to buy a few things for my grand-niece for her birthday and while she did that,I went to a local laundromat to dry my underwear,which only took 1/2 an hour.
After that,I went to pick my mom up from shopping and I also went to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things there.After we were both done,we both headed straight home.
When we got home,my mom prepared dinner and I finished my personal PC work.It was a lot and despite a couple of issues with the browser,I got it done.
After eating,I registered a few bills at the Where's George site.I am also going to spend them in a minute after I am done here.
Though I am feeling okay,I am also feeling a little bit depressed.Why?Because I am going to be making a big step soon.I am making the step of letting go of my anger for my father and forgiving my father for all the hurt that he caused.At the moment,I really don't know how to go about this.I am still seeking answers and I am hoping to get them soon so I will know what to do.I am also hoping that it will work out.This is going to be a big step and I am hoping that everything works out for the better.I don't want to hold on to this anger anymore.I have become enslaved to this anger and I no longer want to be.Again,I am hoping that everything will work out for the better.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode early this morning.An image crept up into my mind while I was still sleeping and it woke me up out of a deep sleep.After getting out of bed and going to the bathroom,I went back to bed to sleep a little bit more and there were no problems.I hope that I can get through tonight and tomorrow without a problem.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I hope that the pick up goes smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Monday, June 08, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was my day off.I still had quite a bit to do.Firstly,I ate quickly and I did my personal PC work.It only took me almost an hour to do.I was glad to get it done.
After I ate lunch,I got cleaned up and dressed and I went to my appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor.
The session went well.We talked about anger and the issues that lead me to have the anger that I have.We also did an activity from a workbook that she had and it was pretty rewarding work.I left the session as if a 1,000 ton weight had been lifted off of me.We are going to continue discussing this at the next session.I am also going to work on this assignment during the time being so I can prepare ahead of time.After the session,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I decided to lay down while waiting for dinner to get done.While waiting,I listened to a free CD that I received today,which is about how to overcome depression and anxiety.It was pretty inspiring and I am looking forward to overcoming these things.
After eating,I went back to the anger management group that I hadn't been too in a long time.It was wonderful to be amongst that group again.I told them about me wanting to let go of anger that I have towards my father and they wished me the best of success in this.I also informed them that I am thinking of going to visit with him in the near future.They did advise me that it would be better for me to stay elsewhere rather than at his house as a result of what he had done to me years ago.I said that I would take that into consideration and think about it.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
Last night,I had a talk with my father.It was the second consecutive conversation that I had with him.It was a very pleasant conversation and we talked about my upcoming visit to him in the near future and he shared with me some information that I have to keep in mind when I go to the bus station to aquire a schedule of which cities in the state where he lives in are nearby him.Again,it was a pleasant conversation and after I hung up,I felt better that I did talk with him after I avoided talking with him for over a year.I talked with him last week also.I need to let go of the anger that I have for him.I need to let go,forgive him but not condone the wrong that he did.It isn't going to be easy but I do have to do that.It is about time that I did.I wanted to do it a long time ago but didn't know how.Now,I am learning how.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.Nothing crept up into my mentality today.No cravings or images.I also had no desire to view any pornography.I feel pretty good as a result.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow without any problems.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,when I got up out of bed,I had a quick breakfast and I did my personal PC work.It also took a bit of doing because I was having issues.The internet browser kept freezing and rebooting itself for a short time.Despite these issues,I managed to get it done and I was relieved.At the moment,there are no issues and I am hoping that nothing happens while I am typing here.
After doing that work,I proceeded to get on with my day.I had only one small errand to run.I had to get several things that my mom needed and I went out to get them.
When I arrived at the local Dollar General store,I had no problem getting everything.I was fortunate that they had everything in stock and after paying for it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I took everything out of the grocery bags and my mom and I put everything away.After that,I relaxed for a bit and I went for a walk while my mom laid down and read from her book.
After I was done walking,I went upstairs and made my bed.I also laid donw and looked through a book that I have until dinner was ready.
After eating,I watched some of the evening news and I decided to post my day on here.It was a pretty good day and I am glad that I did the things that I did.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went well.I even managed to fit in a couple more songs.They were also having an anniversary party there and the party was really great.They had pizza and it was delicious.I had fun and I also had a friend along for this and it was even more fun.
Earlier today,I had the temptation to visit an online pornographic site.When this happened,I decided not to give into the urge to watch and I closed the internet off entirely.I didn't go on the computer for several hours.I wanted the temptation to die down before I went back on again.Right now,I am not tempted nor do I have the desire to view any pornography online.I did escape this one but I still need to be on guard when the temptation comes around again.The temptation to look at porn can be very strong.But I do have a choice.I can choose not to look at any pornography and just get off the computer when the temptation comes around.I also have to keep in mind that pornography is garbage.It is mental garbage.Not only that,I have to keep remembering that my same-sex emotional needs are not going to fulfilled by watching pornography in any way,shape or form.Again,pornography is garbage and it is also useless.There is really no purpose for pornography at any time.I have to continue to keep these things in mind.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to watch and view pornography online was my struggle today.Plus,I was also having the craving to act out on my desires because watching porn is a way of acting out.Though I did make the choice not to watch it,I still have to remember that there is NO purpose for porn.Porn is simply trash that I don't need.It just debases and degrades the effects of anything sexual,which,in themselves,are quite beautiful.Pornography makes anything sexual look ugly.Again,I do have to keep reminding myself of all these things to stay up and alert to any temptations.Right now,I have no craving to look at porn and I am glad.I can now get through the rest of the evening feeling pretty good about myself.Tomorrow is a fresh start and I am hoping to get through the week without any problems.
I am also thinking of calling my father and talking with him for a while.It is time that I started to let go of the anger that I feel for him.If anyone out there has any ideas on how I can do that,please share.Thanks.
As for the rest of the evening,I am thinking of going out and having a drink or two with the gang over at the place where I entertain.I am hoping for some great talks with them.
Tomorrow is my day off.I am hoping that the day goes well for me.I also have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor and I am hoping that the session goes well.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,when I woke up,I had a quick breakfast and I did my personal PC work.After doing that,I decided to do a complete scan for viruses or spyware on my computer and it took a little over an hour and a half to complete.While waiting for the scan to complete,I watched an episode of Friday The 13th: The Series from the second season DVD set that I have. It was a wonderful episode.While watching,I also periodically checked my computer to see if anything was found by the anti-virus software that I use for my computer.The best news was that there were no security risks on my computer and that was great.I did one last night but I had to abort it when it was discovered that there were two security risks in my database.When I saw this,I turned off my system recovery and restarted my computer and it got rid of the risks.Today,there was nothing in my database and that really made my day.After doing a little bit more work,I closed the internet off and went on with my day.
I had to run a couple of errands during two separate times during the day.The first errand was when I went to a local Dollar General store to get my mom something and later on,I went to a local supermarket to get some Klondike bars.In between these,I stopped at a couple of garage sales and I bought a few things at one.I bought a couple pairs of shorts and a few golden oldie 45's.
When I got home,I bathed to get ready for going out tonight.I am looking forward to singing up a stoirm tonight and I am also going to be helping to celebrate the place's 9th anniversary and I am looking forward to that.I am hoping that the night will be a blast.I am also hoping that my entertaining the crowd will also go well.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.I also e-mailed a friend who I have been meaning to e-mail for the past two weeks.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems with images nor cravings.Nothing creeped up into my mentality today and that is wonderful.I am hoping to get through th erest of the weekend unscathed.
I have really no plans for the rest of the weekend but whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the rest of the weekend.FJ

Friday, June 05, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty easy going day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I did my job in the amount of time that I had and when I was finished,I dropped off the clean laundry at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I dropped some of my personal stuff off and I headed back out.I went to the bank to cash my paycheck and to withdraw some money for my mom.I also went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After I was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I waited for dinner to get done.While waiting,I registered all the bills that I had on Where's George.It was a lot of money to register and all that money now on there.It only took me about 20 minutes to do so.I also did some personal PC work and watched some of the evening news before sitting down to eat.
After eating,I decided to do a little bit more personal PC work,including posting here.I plan on doing some internet browsing,including visiting YouTube and watching some videos on there.
At the moment,I am relaxing and taking it easy.I have really no place to go.There is also nothing to do in my hometown.
I am glad that the weekend is here.I will be singing up a storm tomorrow night and I am hoping for a wonderful evening.Tomorrow night is also a party night.The place where I am entertaining is going to be celebrating 9 years of business and I am looking forward to that.I am hoping that the party will be a blast.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I didn't have anything creeping into my mentality.I am hoping that the weekend will go smoothly where I will not have to deal with any images or cravings.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the weekend ahead.FJ

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly despite a shaky start.I did what I had to do in the limited time that I had.After I was finished,I dropped the clean laundry off at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit.I had an appointmnet today with a skin doctor to have him examine me about a skin fungus that I have on my chest.He prescribed me a cream and a pill to take care of it and I will be seeing him again in four weeks.After the appointment,I walked around a mall that will be closing up soon and I wanted to walk through one last time before the closing.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that my mom needed.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while while waiting for dinner to get done.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.I also ran a couple more errands.Firstly,I went to a local drug store to pick up the prescriptions that I had dropped off earlier alongside a box of sleep tea.I also picked up a jar of tartar sauce for dinner tomorrow.I also visited with my sister for a while.After that,I headed straight home and I am here to stay.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I had no images or cravings creeping up into my mentality.I am feeling pretty good as a result.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow unscathed.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up,which really relieved me.I wasn't in the mood to clean up after people again.I simply took the only bag that was there and I headed for the work site.
Before sorting out the laundry,I had a light lunch.It only took me a few minutes to sort everything after I ate.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit before going out again to send a few bills out for my mom and to withdraw some money for her.After doing these things,I headed back home.
When I got home,I registered all the money that I withdrew over at the Where's George site and I also did some more personal PC work.
I had only one more errand to run.I went out to a local Wendy's to pick up a few chicken sandwiches and a couple of fries for me and my mom to eat for dinner.
After eating,I watched some of the local news before posting my day on here.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode early this morning.I was having a terrible dream where I was surrounded by men with huge erections all begging me for sexual favors.I was also experiencing a craving to masturbate to these images.Fortunately,I got up out of bed to use the bathroom and when I went back to bed,I had no problems.Still,those images were quite scary and I almost masturbated to this.I slept for a little over an hour after getting back into bed.
At the moment,I am having no temptation to view pornography online.This is making me feel good.As stated,I still need to be on guard because the temptation can come when least expected.I want nothing to do with pornography because as I stated a few days ago,"pornography is garbage".Still,I am just feeling greatful because I have no cravings to look at that pointless eye candy.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ