Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had a few things planned for today and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to the local Sears to pay my credit card bill and after that,I headed over to a tax office in another city within the region that I live in New York state and after that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up some stuff that my mom needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the stuff away and I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to improve soon as I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride for quite a while.I am hoping that it stops soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours by a morning erection,which woke me up out of a deep sleep.I was really tempted to masturbate that away,but I fought the temptation by tossing and turning until my penis softened.It was really tough,but I managed to resist successfully.For the rest of the day,my temptation to act out in any way,shape or form was minimal if nil at best.Though I escaped again this morning,I still need to be on guard and be watchful.The temptation to sin by masturbating away an erection can be very strong and the urge to give into the temptation can be even stronger.Temptation is an ugly demon indeed.It is just as ugly as the SSA demon.I still have to keep on guard when that happens.Today was one thing.But there is always tomorrow and the day after that and so on.I just have to keep fighting the temptation when it does rear it's ugly head at me.I just have to keep fighting,to stay strong and continue to resist when it happens.If any of you who read and follow this blog want to offer any words of encouragement,please do so.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have to buy a few money orders to mail out some important letters.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up later than usual and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I immediately went into doing my personal PC work and before finishing it,I made an appointment with my general medical doctor because I am having a really bad pain in my lower back region and I would really like to get it checked out.I have an appointment for Thursday and I am hoping that the session goes well.
After I was done,I got dressed and I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.I had a couple of groups that I needed to attend and I wanted to make sure that I got there in time for them.
Both the group meetings went well.I did get a lot out of them.After the last meeting was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Big Lots to buy a couple of things for myself.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed over to my insurance agents office to pay my car insurance for the month.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to improve in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbber.It was really difficult to resist,but I managed.I again tossed and turned until my penis softened.It was a tough thing,but I got through it.After that,I fell back asleep and had no troubles for the rest of the time.When I finally got up,I simply settled into my normal routine.For the rest of the day,I had no temptation to act out on my desires in any way,shape or form.My temptation or urge to act out was minimal if nil at best for the rest of the day.I simply went through the day and nothing really happened.Though I escaped this morning,I still have to be on guard and be watchful because temptation can rear it's ugly head yet again when least expected.I am not waiting for temptation to come around,but I know that it can happen again and I have to be on guard and be watchful.As stated,I escaped this morning,but there is always tomorrow and the day after that and so on.I still have to fight temptation when it does indeed rear it's ugly head again.There will be many more urges to battle and I want to be ready for them when they happen.
Tomorrow,I will be going to a tax office to file my income tax return.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans as well as hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I dried up and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The class was terrific.We watched 1/8 of a DVD about the history of the church and it was great.It was interesting to see how the Christian church got it's start and I was glad to have attended this.I will be attending each and every class until the summer.I have been enjoying these classes and I always look forward to each and every one of them.After that,we all got ready for the service afterwards.
The service was very wonderful.The fellowship before and after the service was terrific.After all of that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things and after paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I had a quick lunch,got my laundry together to go to the laundromat to get my laundry done and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed over to the laundromat.
On the way there,I stopped at a local 7-Eleven to pick up something to munch on while I was at the laundromat.After paying for that,I headed straight for the laundromat and I started my laundry the minute that I saw that a machine was open for use.After putting my laundry in and starting the washer,I sat down and relaxed and enjoyed my munchies.
It only took a little over an hour,but I managed to get my laundry done and after folding it all when dried,I bagged it all and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I sorted out my laundry and after that,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts improving soon in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted in the wee early morning hours when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.It was very stiff and it was also a throbber.As usual,when I get an early morning erection,I simply tossed and turned until my penis softened.I was tempted to masturbate that away,but I stayed strong and I fought that urge to masturbate.For the rest of the day,my temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best.While I escaped the rest of the day,I know that the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form will come back when least expected.I just have to keep fighting that urge when it comes and I hope that I can beat the urge again when it comes.Temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to be prepared when that does happen.Temptation is an ugly master and it can make you want to do things that are wrong and inappropriate,especially when it comes to that ugly demon known as SSA.I have to always keep in mind that I own my sexuality and that my sexuality doesn't own me.I am going to continue to learn to make my body a slave and not be a slave to my body.It is a difficult fight,but I know that I can win the fight and keep choosing to resist and fight temptation rather than give in.It will be difficult,but I know that I can do it.
Tomorrow,I have a couple of group meetings that I need to attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly e-mailed a friend of mine and after that was done,I headed out to my monthly Men's Network group meeting.I was looking forward to this meeting with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meting was wonderful.We had some small talk and after the talk,we watched a DVD of a guy speaking on stage about Jesus Christ and his father God and all.After the meeting was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I made a few stops.I first stopped at a Salvation Army thrift store in the area and after that,I had myself a quick lunch over at Burger King.After that,I headed over to the drug store to pick up a couple of prescription refills and a few other things.After paying for all of that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and after I was done with that,I relaxed and watched a DVD after popping it into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better very soon in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out was again minimal if nil at best.I had no temptation nor urge to act out in any way,shape or form.Though I did escape today,I still need to be on guard and to be watchful.The temptation to act out will reemerge when least expected.I need to be on guard as the urge to indulge in masturbation when tempted can come strong and at times,feels unbearable.But I know that I do have a choice.But at times,the urge to masturbate can be strong and when it is,it can be pretty difficult to resist.The reason why it is so hard to resist or to overcome is because when anyone,male or female,masturbates,it does feel good as our genitals are simply soft skin tissue with no bones in them and it does feel good to rub or play with them until ejaculation.The good feelings that are experienced with that activity would make anyone yearn to feel them repeatedly by simply masturbating again and again.But I have to remain strong when that urge comes around.I have to resist the temptation to act out in that way as masturbation is a form of acting out and it doesn't matter whether it's emotional,sexual or both.Again,though it was good that I escaped today,tomorrow is another day and so is the day after that and so on.Each day is always a new challenge.
Tomorrow,I am hoping and planning to attend the morning's church service and in the early afternoon,I am hoping and planning to get my laundry done at the laundromat.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up later than I wanted to and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was finished,I got dressed.I had some stuff planned for the day and I wanted to get them done.
Before I did anything,I had to stop over at a garage to get my car checked out.I wanted them to check out what could be wrong with my car's electrical system.My "door ajar" light on the dash wouldn't go off.My trunk button wouldn't function right and my power door locks were also not working properly.They simply did 2/3 of the work.They fixed the power door locks and they got the light off,but I need a new latch for the trunk in order for the trunk button to work properly.I told them that the minute that I get my income tax refund check,I will call them and have them order the part so the work can be done.They said okay and I left the garage.After that,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and myself and afterwards,I went to the post office to mail out an important letter that needed to be mailed.After doing that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out on my desires were minimal if nil at best today.I simply went through the day and I didn't have no temptations nor any urges to act out nor masturbate.Though I again escaped unscathed today,I still need to be on guard and be watchful.The temptation to act out on my SSA desires can happen again when least expected.I still need to be watchful as that temptation can come back.I am not waiting for it to come back as that would be silly.I need to learn to be on guard and to be watchful when it rears it's ugly head again.Again,though I escaped today,I still have to be on guard,be watchful and stay strong whenever it does.I am hoping that I will be strong when temptation does indeed rear it's ugly head again.
Tomorrow,I have a Men's Network meeting that I need to attend and I am hoping that it goes great.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had some things planned and I wanted to get the accomplished.
I first went to a spirituality group that I attend every Thursday.I always look forward to attending this and I was looking forward to it today as usual.
The group was wonderful.I got so much out of it all.After the group,I headed over to a community kitchen to have lunch.After eating lunch,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up several things.After paying for those items,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things there as well.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away in their proper places and I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best today.I really didn't have the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form.Still,despite escaping today,I need to stay on guard and be watchful.Temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I may not have been tempted today,but I can be tempted tomorrow and the day after that and so on.I am not waiting for it to happen.It is just that I have to keep in mind that it can happen and when it does happen,I have to fight the temptation and resist the temptation to sin.I know that it won't be easy,but it can be done.I will have to keep fighting this and be determined not to give in.It will take all of my strength,but I know that I can do it.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up a little later than usual and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed for much of the rest of the morning before getting dressed to get ready for the appointment that I had today.
I had an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor today and I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.It has been several weeks since my last session with her and I wanted to update her on what has been going on in my life since the last session.I had a lot to talk with her about and again,I was looking forward to this.
The session went wonderful.It was really a great talk that I had with her.I shared with her everything that was going in my life,including the medical tests that I recently went through.After the session,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery is continuing,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues and that I start improving in the near and distant future.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,today was the first day in a while that I had no morning erections.I had really no temptation to act out today as my temptation was almost non-existant.I only had a small urge to act out,but I managed to fight this and I was okay for the rest of the day.For the rest of the day,my temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best.Though I was happy about this,I still have to keep on guard and be watchful as temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I escaped today,but tomorrow and the near future are other days.One day may be good,but the others may be not so good.I just have to keep fighting this when it does indeed come around.Temptation can happen when least expected and when it happens,I will have to fight it.The fight with temptation is never an easy fight,but it can be won if I can remain strong and keep fighting when it comes.Again,I may have escaped today,but there is always tomorrow and the day after that and so on.I know that being tempted isn't sinful,but it is sinful to give into the temptation.I still have to keep that in mind.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and I am hoping that it goes well.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up later than I wanted to and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After having my breakfast,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had a pretty busy day planned.I had to go see the nurse practitioner over at the local hospital to get my new prescription and to hear the results of the medical tests that I had to go through at the orders of my general doctor.I was looking forward to this with a lot positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I was also hoping for some good news considering the tests.
The session went well and after I got my prescription,I headed for home.I also got the results of at least two of my tests.My blood work came back great as my cholesterol was low and my blood sugar was good.I am still pretty healthy and also,my cat scan revealed that I have a minor sinus problem and that is why I have headaches frequently.Since I can't take any over the counter decongestants as a result of my having high blood pressure,I will have to invest in getting Echinacea with GoldenSeal tea to take to relieve sinus pressure.I have to get some.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up some stuff that was needed for the home.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours.I woke up with another erection in the middle of the night and my temptation to masturbate it away was very strong.The erection was also another throbber.I was breathing heavily to try to resist the temptation to masturbate the erection away as I really had the overwhelming desire to simply masturbate this away.I tossed and I turned,but finally decided to get up as I had to use the bathroom.As I walked to the bathroom,my penis softened and after I used the bathroom,I went back to sleep.For the rest of the day,my temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best.While I did escape this,the temptation to act out will rear it's ugly head again.I am not waiting for it,but I know that I have to stay on guard as that temptation will again rear it's ugly head.I just have to hang in there and remain strong whenever that happens.I know that I am imperfect human,but I can't let myself be enslaved to sin or act out on my desires.I have to let my imperfect state know that I am the boss of my body and my body is not my boss.I have to keep reminding myself that I can never let my sexuality own me.I have to let my sexuality know that I own it.It is going to be a challenge,but I am more than able to live up to that challenge.I have to remain strong and let my body know that I am it's boss and not the other way around.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor and I am hoping that the session goes well.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up later than I wanted to and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I had a lot planned for the day.
I had a couple of groups on my agenda today.They were both in the early afternoon.But before I went to those,I had lunch at a local community kitchen and after eating that,I headed over to the location where the groups were so I could attend them and get what I needed out of them.
The groups both went well.After they were over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and myself.After that,I headed over to the local Sears to pick up some things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the money at the Where's George site and after that,I went back out to get some dinner from the local McDonalds.
After eating when I got home,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a double whammy in the wee early morning hours.I actually,for the first time in a long time,wound up with two morning erections.The first happened around 4:30am while the second happened around 6:15am.My temptation to masturbate these away was very overwhelming and strong.For the first one,I tossed and turned until my penis softened while with the second one,I simply got up as I had to use the bathroom anyway.While walking to the bathroom,my penis softened.For the rest of the day,my temptation to act out was mild,but still strong.I resisted the temptation to act out all day focusing on good things and thinking about all the ways that God helped set me free from the trap of Homosexuality.I stayed focused on that for the rest of the day and the temptation to act out slowly weakened.But again,I still need to keep on guard whenever temptation rears it's ugly head.It can when least expected.I have to stay on guard and be watchful.Temptation can come when least expected.When it does,I have to fight it.I know that being tempted,in itself,is not sinful.But giving in to the temptation is sinful.Again,I need to continue to stay on guard and be watchful and keep fighting temptation whenever it rears it's ugly head.
Tomorrow,I have to see the nurse practitioner at the local hospital.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today.I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up immediately as I was going to go to this morning's church service and I was looking forward to it with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
Today,I had to really take my time getting to church.The roads were all covered with snow as it snowed overnight and was still snowing this morning.I cleaned off my car while it was warming up and headed for church.The roads were pretty slick this morning,but I made it,and was glad to have.
The first part of the morning was the Holy Bible study class.We watched some parts of a DVD called The Baloney Shop,as it was based on a video series from the church's Men's Network website.It was wonderful to watch these things and I guess that everybody got a lot out of watching them.After the class was over,we then prepared for the morning's service.
The service was wonderful.The sermon was based on 1st Corinthians Chapter 8:1-13 and it was terrific.The fellowship before and after the service was wonderful as I did talk with a lot of the regulars that worshiped there.After all of that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my prescription refill that I made two nights ago.After paying for the refill,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work.After that was finished,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player as I had nothing else to do today as a result of the weather.I also have to say that getting home was tough as well due to all the slick spots on the road.But I manged to make it home unscathed and all in one piece.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to really start feeling better again in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate early this morning when another erection woke me up in wee hours of the morning.The erection was also another one of those throbbing ones.But as usual,I fought the temptation off by simply tossing and turning until my penis softened.I slept for a little while longer,until I had to wake up to get ready for church.For the rest of the day,I had only a mild temptation to act out on my desires.Though mild,it was still a strong one.I simply kept fighting the temptation for the rest of the day.It isn't easy fighting the temptation to act out by manipulating genitals to get them hard or near hard for the purpose of masturbation,but I stayed in the fight for the rest of the day and I just hung in there until the day ended.It isn't easy struggling with SSA and still having to learn on how to live without having anything sexual with a man or other men.Though I have been in the healing process for almost nine years,I am still learning how to live without having sexual relations with other men.I am finding that each and every day,it is never easy trying to live without sexual activity with another man,but I am still learning that I can live without it.My cravings to find male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them can be very strong and it is very difficult to resist that temptation.But I don't go out for that purpose as I know that acting out on my desires in that way,or even with masturbating,will never get me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with the gender identity affirmation.Acting out on my desires,no matter what way it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to overcome and be the man that not only I want to be,but the man that God wants me top be.I am still in the fight and though it is never easy,I know that I am doing this to please God and his son Jesus Christ.I always think of them first before doing anything that is wrong and keeping in mind that it would displease them if I were to sin and act out.After putting them first,it makes the fight a tad easier,though it is still difficult.
Tomorrow,I have to attend a couple of group meetings in the early afternoon.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up later than I wanted to and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After doing that,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I didn't have too much to do today.I only had a couple of things on my agenda.I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that were needed for the house.After that,I headed over to another local store to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a movie in the DVD player to watch.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted early this morning when I had another morning erection.It also was a throbbing one.I simply tosses and turned to resist the temptation to masturbate it away and my penis softened.I slept for a little bit longer.For the rest of the day,my temptation to act out on my desires was minimal if nil at best.I really didn't have any more temptation to act out nor masturbate.While that was good,I still need to keep on guard and be watchful because temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I know that it isn't a sin to be tempted,but it is a sin to give into the temptation.I just have to stay strong and hope for the best to happen and I hope that it does continue to work out in the long run.
Tomorrow morning,I am planning to attend the morning's church service,alongside the Holy Bible study class that is an hour and a half before the service.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up later than I wanted to and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only a few things that I needed to do.I first went to see the therapist at the local hospital to talk with her about some things that I couldn't talk about in the group that I attended during the first Monday of this month.I was looking forward to this session as I hadn't had a talk with a therapist in quite a while since the last talk I had with my last therapist.
The session went well.I talked with her for almost half an hour and after the session was over,I left the hospital and headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the post office to mail out a couple of important letters that my mom wanted me to mail out.After that,I headed over to the drug store to pick up my mom's prescription.After doing that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted again early this morning.I had yet another enormous erection and it woke me up out of a deep sleep.The erection was also one of those throbbing ones and it throbbed like it might have exploded at any minute.I simply did what I had to do to fight the temptation to masturbate it away.I tossed and I turned until the erection died down.After my penis softened,I went back to sleep for another few hours.I know that it isn't a sin to be tempted,but it is a sin to give into that temptation.The only good thing was that for the rest of the day,my temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best.I did escape one temptation that was early this morning,but I know that there will be more in the near and distant future.Not that I am waiting for them to happen,I am just trying to be on guard and be watchful as temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Still,I know that temptation in itself isn't sinful as each and every one of us does get tempted.But I have to keep in mind that giving into temptation,especially when it is giving into sinful sexual activity,is sinful.It is a sin to act out on sexual activity that is sinful.I have to continually keep all of that in mind and I know that I will be okay.I just have to stay strong and ask for strength when I need it.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though later than I wanted to,and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I had only a few things planned.I first went to the spirituality group that I needed to attend today.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.I did get a lot out of it and after it was over,I headed over to a community kitchen to have my lunch.After lunch,I headed straight home.
When I got home,before relaxing,I decided to give the bathtub in the bathroom a thorough cleaning job as it really needed it.After cleaning the tub,I relaxed and took it easy for a while and I watched a movie while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out was really strong early this morning as I had a morning erection that also throbbed.I simply resisted the temptation the way that I always do by tossing and turning until the erection died down.I slept for a little while longer until I got up to do what I had to do.For the rest of the day,my temptation to act out on my desires was minimal if nil at best.I had really no temptation to act out in any way,shape or form.Still,I need to keep on guard and be watchful because the temptation to act out can strengthen again in the near future.I will just have to learn new ways of dealing with the temptation when it comes around.The temptation to act out can reemerge when least expected.While I did escape it this time,I have to be prepared for when it happens again.I am hoping to stay strong and I am hoping that I can still continue to battle this dreaded demon known as SSA.I know that I can do it and I will continue fighting that demon.I am determined to win and I won't ever surrender to that demon.I will keep resisting that demon and I will continue to stay strong.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with the therapist over at the local hospital.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up later than I wanted to and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
After the last two days of stressful stuff,such as the grueling medical tests that I had to endure,I was glad to finally take it easy and do some essential things without worry.I only did a few things today.I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things and after that,I headed over to a gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed over to a local video store to pick up a DVD.After all of that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I am still being tempted,but today,they were minimal if nil at best.I really had no temptation to act out on my desires nor any urges to manipulate my genitals to get them hard or near hard for the purpose of masturbation.While that was good,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out will get strong again when least expected.I still have to be on guard and watchful.One day I may not be tempted,but the next day might be different.I also have to keep in mind that acting out on my desires in any way,shape or form will never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.Acting out will only reinforce the Homosexual/Gay identity,which is the identity that I have disowned and I am trying to change about myself.The only thing that I have accepted about myself,though it wasn't an easy thing to do,is that I am a male and that I am a member of the male sex.I am also a man.That is all that I am accepting about myself as I will accept nothing else other than that.I also have to keep reminding myself of that each and every day,especially when the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form rears it's ugly head.I also have to keep reminding myself that I am biologically hard-wired to be compatible with a female and that sexuality was meant by God to be the way that he intended to be as God created man and woman for a reason.God never intended sexuality to be used and abused the way that the world around us is using and abusing it.Again,I still need to continuously keep these things in mind each and every day as I know that sexual relationships and sexual activity with members of my own gender is not only sinful,wrong and inappropriate in the eyes of God,but will never give me what I really yearn for,which is the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Each and every day is it's own struggle and I need to keep reminding myself daily on what is right and what is wrong in the eyes of God.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I am looking forward to attending.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a pretty good,but a little bit stressful,day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed as usual.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had a big day planned and though I really wasn't looking forward to the events of the day,I still had to do these all for my own personal health.
I had two appointments today.There were both very important medical ones.As a result of that,I couldn't have anything to eat for lunch for four hours as I was preparing for my cat scan of my head to see what could be causing the headaches that I get on occasion.I also had an EKG planned a half an hour before the cat scan.Fortunately,they were both in the same building as I really didn't have to go very far to get them both done.I simply arrived at the area of the local hospital where I had to get them done ten minutes early and I waited.
Both the EKG and cat scan went smoothly.Since I requested that I get the info about it via regular postal mail,they said that I should receive the results in a few weeks.I headed for home the minute that both were done.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby fast food restaurant to get a small burger and a small fries to eat to tie me over until dinner.This was my late lunch as I was very hungry due to the four hour fasting that I had to do to get the cat scan on my head done.After eating that quick lunch,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.I also watched a few classic TV show reruns on TV.Overall,a pretty good,though a little stressful,day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving again in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had only a minor urge to act out this morning.I was still tired after finally getting up.I had an urge to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them hard or near hard for masturbatory purposes and though I succeeded in getting my genitals hard,I had to stop when I was almost on the verge of a climax.As stated,I was still feeling tired after finally getting up and that is what caused to urge.Though minor,it was still an urge.But I managed to stop myself from doing that,though I was tired.I simply took my bath and after that,my temptation and urge to act out was minimal if nil at best.I guess that I have so much energy in me and I know that I need to use that energy for constructive purposes rather than destructive.I also need to learn how to use the energy constructively.I am going to do an online search to see if I can find any articles on how to use my energy constructively.I am hoping that I will succeed in finding some articles.If I do,I will print them when I get the chance and read them during my spare time.I need to learn how to use my energy constructively and how I can also use it to benefit myself and others in a positive and constructive sense.I know that it will be a while,but something tells me that I can find them and I won't stop until I do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a pretty good and eventful,though a little stressful,day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though it was later than usual,and bathed.After my bath,I got dressed as I couldn't eat early this morning as I had to go to the local hospital for some blood work and other medical tests.
When I arrived at the hospital,I took a number and I sat down,but was called immediately.After signing in,I went to another office to make a couple of necessary appointments to get a cat scan done on my head to check out my brain to see what could be causing headaches that I get when least expected.I also have to have a EKG done to test out my heart rhythm and all.The appointments will be tomorrow and after that,I headed over to the waiting room to get the blood work and other tests done.
It only took a few minutes,but once it was all completed,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got ready to go to my Monday afternoon groups.
The group meetings went well.I did get a lot out of them.After the meetings were over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the public library to do some printing and after that was done,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple o things that were needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the say.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful,though a little stressful,day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues onward in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I really didn't have any temptations,nor cravings or urges,to act out.My temptation to act out today was minimal if nil at best.I really didn't have any temptation to do anything related to Homosexuality.I had no urge to masturbate nor urge to manipulate my genitals to get them hard or near hard for the purpose of masturbation.Though I had none of that today,I still need to keep on guard and be watchful as temptation can rear it's ugly little head at me when least expected.I am not waiting for it.I am just saying that it will happen and I have to be on guard and be watchful.I know that we all get tempted,but when the temptation happens,I have to fight that and stay clean.I also still have to keep in mind that masturbation will never get me what I want either.I also have to keep in mind that pornography will also never give me what I want.I just have to stay on guard and be watchful as temptation can hit when least expected.
Tomorrow,I have the aforementioned appointments at the local hospital tomorrow.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I have a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.I really hurried as I was planning to go to the morning's church and attend the Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the service.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I immediately got dressed up and after a few minutes of warming up my car,I headed over to the church.
The service was once again wonderful.The pastor gave a sermon about human relationships and their place in the eyes of God through Jesus Christ and also,in regards to the membership of the church.It was yet again another worship service and also,the Holy Bible study class was also a great thing today as well.After the service,I had some wonderful fellowship after the service and even before it,there was some wonderful fellowship.After it was all over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up some stuff that was needed for the home.After paying for all that stuff,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into some casual clothes.I did my personal PC work afterwards and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After the movie,I headed back out to get some coffee as I had remembered when I got home that I forgot to buy it at the Dollar Tree store.After paying for the coffee,I headed straight home and stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped another DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues onward and I am hoping that it does indeed go back to being positive really soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I once again had the temptation to masturbate early this morning as I had another morning erection that woke me up out of a deep sleep and was also throbbing.I simply did what I always do when that happens.I simply tossed and turned repeatedly until my penis softened.After that,I slept a little while longer until it was time for me to wake up.For the rest of the day,my temptation to act out on my desires was minimal if nil at best.I escaped a painful temptation early this morning,but I know that it can happen again.It wasn't easy resisting that temptation to act out by masturbating that erection away.But I had to keep fighting it until it died.I know that masturbation will never connect me to my lost maleness nor will it connect me to anything having to do with men and masculinity.I just have to keep fighting the urge every time that it comes around.Again,I am happier knowing that I do have a choice whether or not to act out.I can choose not to act out,though the resistance to the temptation to act out can be difficult to resist and I may have to put up with pain and tension in that resistance.But again,I know that I am pleasing God by my resistance.I will just have to keep fighting that urge every time that it comes around.I know that it won't be an easy thing to fight,but I am determined not to weaken.I have to stay strong and hang in there.Thanks to all for your support.
As for tomorrow,I have a recovery group and a work skills group and I need to attend both of them.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though later than I wanted to,and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I had only a few things that needed to be done.I had to go to the drug store to pick up my mother's prescription.I also had to pick up other things for her while I was there.After paying for everything,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a spell.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to improve in a positive direction in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to act out early this morning when another morning erection woke me up.I was tempted to masturbate it away.But again,I fought the temptation by simply tossing and turning in bed until the erection softened and when that happened,I went back to sleep and slept for another hour until the alarm rang.Though I didn't get up right away,I still slept for much of the time and really didn't hear the alarm go off initially again when it did.I simply went and took my morning bath and had my breakfast once I had finally gotten out of bed.I simply followed through my usual morning routine.For the rest of the day,my temptation,craving and urge to act out was minimal if nil at best.The temptation to act out can be strong,but I am overjoyed to know that acting out is a choice and not an inevitability.Though my temptation to act out was minimal if nil,I still have to keep on guard when temptation can rear it's ugly head.It can happen when least expected.But at least I know that I have the choice on whether I want to act out or not.Though I have chosen not to,it isn't easy.The resistance to any temptation is never easy.I know that we all do get tempted to act out from time to time as it is a part of being an imperfect human,but when temptation does come,it is difficult to fight off that temptation when it rears it's ugly head.But I still stay in the fight and I never let it get the better of me.Thanks to all who read my blog for their help,advice and suggestions.They are always appreciated.
Tomorrow,I am planning on attending the morning's church service and I am hoping that I do get a lot out of it and that it is wonderful.As for the rest of the day,I have no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though it was later that I wanted to because I didn't hear the alarm go off,and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After all of that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I didn't have too much planned.Yesterday,as reported,we had a snow storm and we were under a Winter weather advisory for much of the day,which ended at 9:00pm last night.The weather is still cold and there is still lots of snow on the ground.But we are supposed to get warmer again starting this coming Sunday.In my area,we have been having a roller-coaster Winter season.One minute it is warm and rainy,while the next minute it is cold and snowy.According to various weather sources,we,in the area of the country where I live,are under a jet stream that was borne out of the West Coast and while we are under that jet stream,we will be having a roller-coaster Winter weather pattern until the jet stream loses it's energy.I really don't know when that will be,but I am hoping that the atmosphere starts to be with the season soon.
Okay,back to the day.I only had a couple of things that I needed to do.I also wanted to make sure that I kept it close to home due to the weather conditions.I only went to a couple of local stores to pick up a few things that were needed for the home.It wasn't easy trying to locate any of the stuff,but I managed to get it all done.After that,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also watched a little TV while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty fair day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression and schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery continues and I also hope that it does improve somewhere along the line.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted again early this morning when I woke up with a morning erection that was throbbing.Whenever I get an erection in the early morning hours,I am always tempted to masturbate the erection away.In the past,whenever I did get a morning erection,that was the way that I got rid of it by simply masturbating it away.I was in yet another fight to resist that awful temptation.I also felt like that if it kept throbbing,my penis would explode by ejaculating a torrent of semen.Fortunately,that didn't happen and I simply got up to go to the bathroom and the erection started to die down and once my penis was soft,I had no temptation to act out nor any temptation to masturbate it away.I took my bath to clean up and that was that.For the rest of the day,my temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best.But it was pretty tempting this morning and my urge to masturbate was really strong.I have to continuously keep in mind that masturbation is an unclean habit and once addicted,it can be a difficult habit to break and overcome.The reason why it is so difficult to break free from is because when someone does it,the feelings that it gives feels really good until the ejaculation of semen happens after orgasm is achieved.Plus,when someone is used to it,it is like that their sexuality owns them rather than that someone owning it.I also have to continuously keep in mind that masturbation can have a negative influence on the healing process from unwanted SSA,as that habit will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and keep them as far away from becoming the man or woman that God has intended them to be.It can also give any person in recovery from SSA that it wouldn't hurt to act out at least once,when in reality,acting out will hurt as it might lead anyone in that healing and recovery process back to their old sinful life patterns and then,they're back at Square One.This shows that I still need to be on guard and watchful whenever temptation rears it's ugly head and again,I am glad for the advice that has been given to me.Thanks to all who follow this blog of mine for all the help.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though later than I wanted to,and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and following that,I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I first went to the usual spirituality group that I go to on Thursday and I had a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm going there.I always eagerly await these groups every week.I went to the meeting with all of what I was feeling.
The meeting was wonderful.I got a lot out of that and I left with a smile on my face.I headed for home.
I was hoping to have lunch at a local community kitchen,but when I checked my e-mail before the spirituality group started,I saw that at the start of 1:00pm,there was to be a winter weather advisory in effect as we were going to get a Lake Effect snow storm.I decided to head for home instead.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up several things that were needed in the home.After paying for those items,I headed straight home because I wanted to get back home before the worst of the storm would happen.It was already snowing and it was windy,but I wanted to get home before the worst would happen.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while and I also watched A DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am still taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and month ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to act out early this morning.I was awoke by an erection and it was throbbing.I really had to fight hard to resist the temptation to masturbate this away as in the past,whenever I had a morning erection,I would simply masturbate it away.I really had to fight hard and I did it by simply turning onto my right side and then my left side.I kept turning until the erection died down and I slept for another couple of hours.For the rest of the day,my temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best.I really had no temptation to act out today as the day went along.While that was good,I still need to be on guard and be watchful.Why?Because temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I still have to be on guard when that happens.The temptation to act out can be strong as the desires that motivate the temptation are also strong.The only good thing is that I do have a choice.I can choose to act out or I can choose not to act out.I have chosen not to,though it isn't an easy thing to do.It's easier to give into the temptation to act out than it is to resist it.I know that I still have a lot of fighting to do and I know that I can win this battle.Thanks to all of you for your encouragement and everything else you give.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I only had a couple of things planned,as the weather was cold and a little snowy today,after the warm relief we had the last couple of days.I first went to the post office to get a money order and after that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I was tempted early this morning when I had a morning erection.I really wanted to masturbate it away,but decided to tough it out.I kept tossing and turning until the erection had died down.After that,I slept peacefully for next few hours.I know that I will get erections when least expected and that it is a part of what as well as who I am gender wise.But whenever this happens,my temptation to masturbate it away intensifies.But I managed to fight it off.But I was tempted a little bit in the later morning hours.I was actually manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for masturbatory purposes.But I managed to stop myself in this and it didn't go any further.For the rest of the day,the temptation to act out in that way was minimal if nil at best.Though I did win in this particular fight to resist temptation,I still have to keep in mind that the ugly demon known as temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I still have to stay on guard and be watchful.But I did analyze this and I found that I was still tired in those early morning hours,upon waking and getting up,and when tired,you are still somewhat weak and when temptation starts to strike,you really don't have enough strength to resist,but even in this state,temptation can be resisted.I narrowly escaped that episode,but I know that there will be more times coming when the temptation as well as the urge to give in to the desires will come back and at times,it can be stronger than the last time.Thanks to all of you who read for your support,encouragement and advice.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.After that,I have made no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had some stuff planned for the day.I first went over to the local Target to get a gift card for a friend of the family and a bottle of dish detergent.After doing that,I headed over to a Blockbuster in the next town within the county that I live.I went there to exchange a DVD that I had bought accidently as I already had the one that I bought in my DVD library.After the exchange,I headed over to the nearby library to register all the bills that I had in change and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After doing that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medications as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out on my desires was minimal if nil at best.I had really no desire to act out in any way,shape or form.I had no urges to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation.While that was good,I know that the temptation to act out will come back when least expected.I have to be on guard when that happens and also,be watchful.Anything can happen between now and tomorrow and also,the near and distant future.While I had no urges today,the urges could also come back when least expected.The struggle that a man like me has to go through are always difficult and at times,can seem unbearable.But I have to stay strong.I have to keep saying to myself "I own my desires.My desires don't own me." I also have to keep telling myself that "I can change.I can renew myself.What I am struggling With is not an inborn thing,but an emotional thing.I can beat this and I can be the man that not only I want to be,but the man that God wants me to be."I have to keep telling myself those things day in and day out.I am greatful for all of what I had received from those who keep reading and following this blog of mine.I am hoping to use them the best way that I know how and I am looking forward to newer opportunities to improve myself.Thanks to all for the help given.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good,if not too eventful,day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though it was later than I wanted to get up,and bathed.I just didn't hear the alarm initially when I was still sleeping.When I did finally get up,I bathed and after my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I really didn't have too much to do.I simply ran an errand for my mom.I had to go to a local supermarket to pick up something that my mom wanted me to get for the house.After paying for that item,I headed straight home.I had nothing else to do nor anyplace else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good,but not too eventful,day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still dealing and struggling,on a daily basis,with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medications as directed.I am hoping to continue to recover and I am hoping that it will become positive in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out today was minimal if nil at best.I had really no temptation to act out on my desires nor did I have any urge to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of achieving hardness or near hardness for the purpose of masturbation.After yesterday's sermon in church,I actually felt good after hearing what the pastor talked about.It all made sense.I simply did get a lot out of what the pastor discussed with everyone in the church about sexuality and what God had intended for it to be for us humans on Earth.I left yesterday feeling a little bit better.Yesterday,my temptation to act out on my desires was just as minimal if nil at best as they are today.I am hoping that the pastor delivers more sermons of this type in the near future.They are so desperately needed in this day and age to educate those who worship in the church on sexuality and why God had created it and what he intended for sexuality to be and what he meant for it.I am taking what the pastor said to heart and I am hoping to continue benefiting in the near and distant future.Though at the moment my cravings or temptations to act out are minimal if nil at best,I still need to be on guard as the cravings and the temptation to act out can come back when least expected.I have to be watchful as it can rear it's ugly head when not realized in time.Again,I know that I have to be on guard.But I am still thankful for all the advice that has been given.I am going to try and apply this advice in the near and distant future.Thanks again to all for their help.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a very good and eventful day today.
This morning,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I got dressed up as I was going to church this morning and I wanted to make sure that I made it on time for the morning Holy Bible study classes that they usually have every Sunday until Summer.In the class,we were finishing up the birth of and it's significance for all of us and how his death can benefit all of us.The class was wonderful and after that,I got ready for the service after that class was over.
The service was yet another wonderful service indeed.The sermon this morning was on Sexual Morality and the scriptures used were 1st Corinthians 6: 12-20.The sermon really made a lot of sense.The fellowship after the service was also terrific.I am going to be putting this to good use in my life.I am going to continue working on avoiding anything immoral in the sexual sense and I am going to keep working to fight temptation whenever it rears it's ugly head.It won't be easy,but I know that I can do it.I left church and on the way home,stopped at a nearby supermarket to pick up something.After that,I headed straight home and stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a warm sweatsuit.I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and after that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue in my recovery and I am hoping that it does indeed get better and more positive in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,they were minimal if nil at best today.I didn't have any cravings nor any temptations to act out on my desires.I also didn't have the urge to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them hard or near hard for the purpose of masturbation.I guess that the sermon in church today played a role in that.I had no erotic thoughts of men cloud my mind.I also didn't have no erotic thoughts of anything period.I also didn't have the temptation to act out by watching pornography themed to the so called "Homosexual/Gay" culture.For the first time in quite a long time,I felt no temptations nor any cravings to act out in any way,shape of form.Again,I guess that they sermon that was given in church today concerning how God intended sexuality to be and why he created the two people of opposite sexes that he created for a reason.It was a terrific sermon and also,the words that were expressed by the pastor were words that I personally desperately needed.I am hoping that the pastor at the church that I worship at will have more sermons like this one.Each and every one of us as people need to have sermons of this sort to keep in mind why God created sexuality and what he intended sexuality to be,as he never intended for sexuality to be used and abused the way that the world around us uses and abuses it.Again,I had no temptations,cravings nor any urges to act out in any way,shape or form.But still,although today was wonderful,I still have to be on guard because it can't be predicted when the temptation to act out rears it's ugly head.Temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Again,I still need to be on guard.The temptation to act out will come again.I will just have to be watchful when it happens.I am going to try to apply the advice that has been given to me by those who have been following my blog and I will hope for the best.Thanks again to all for their help.
As for tomorrow,I have not made any plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up later than I wanted to and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I relaxed for much of the day before I started to do what I felt that I had to do.
Today was another cold day and it also snowed again last night while sleeping.I couldn't let this stop me from doing what needed to be done.
I only had one thing to do.I had to go to a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home and stayed home for the remainder of the day.
When I got home,I just relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I had no place else to go nor any thing else to do as a result of the weather.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best today.I just didn't have any craving nor any temptation to act out.I didn't even try to manipulate my genitals for the sake of getting them hard or near hard for masturbatory purposes.I just didn't have anything like that today.I am just hoping that this lasts a while.I don't want to act out in way,shape or form.Though minimal if nil at best today,I know that the craving and the temptation to act out will come back when least expected.I will have to stay on guard when that happens.I hope that I do have enough strength to resist and fight that temptation and urge when it does indeed come back.I also still have to keep in mind all the things that I have to keep in mind when it comes to men,sex and everything else that is right in the eyes of God.
Tomorrow,I am looking forward to attending the morning's church service.After that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a few things on my agenda and I wanted to get them done.
I had only a few things planned.I also wanted to make sure that I stayed close to home as a result of yet another blast of Winter weather has come upon us.Since very early this morning,we have been under a Winter Weather Advisory that will stay in effect until 7:00pm tonight and not only that,we are also under a Wind Advisory until 4:00pm this afternoon.It did feel cold this morning when I went into my computer room to turn on my electric space heater to warm the room up a bit.It still felt cold after I went in there to do my personal PC work,but after several minutes,it did get a little warmer.I simply finished off my work for the morning and after it was finished,I closed off the internet and got ready to get on with the rest of the day,with the exception of having to go to the local Burger king to pick up dinner for both me and my mom,but I did stay home for the rest of the evening afterwards.
Firstly,I went to the post office to get a money order so I could mail out an important bill to get paid and after that,I headed over to a couple of local stores to pick up a few things that were needed for the house.After that,I headed over to a nearby gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day despite the nasty Winter weather that we had today.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that I will start feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I gave into temptation late last night by masturbating and it was emotional.I did feel bad afterwards.This morning,I awoke with an erection and my temptation to act out by masturbating again was really high.I know and understand that erections will happen when least expected and it is not that I wish that I wouldn't get them,but when I do get an erection,my temptation to act out by masturbating it away gets really strong.I simply tossed and turned around until my penis got soft again.I slept for several hours until the alarm went off to wake me up.My temptation to act out is not as strong as it was this morning,but it is still there.I just have to keep fighting this temptation and urge to masturbate continuously.I know that I must stay strong.I also know that I have keep telling myself that my desires don't own me as I own them.I have to keep saying that my desires have no hold on me as I have a hold on them.I am still learning on a daily basis that the fight to overcome SSA is not a very easy one.It is a very difficult fight,but it can be won.I just have to keep fighting the desires and fighting the urge to act out on them in any way,shape or form.I am still open to anything regarding this.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had quite a bit planned.
I had a spirituality group that I needed to attend.The group is a study on scriptures of the Holy Bible.We study the scriptures and we discuss what we are studying.It is a wonderful group that we have.I really enjoy it and I do get a lot out of it.
The group was wonderful as always.As stated,I did get a lot out of this and the atmosphere was very positive.After leaving the group,I headed over to a community kitchen in the area to have my lunch.After having lunch,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a DVD for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I was actually tempted early this morning upon awakening.I really felt the urge to manipulate my genitals to get them hard or near hard for the purpose of masturbation.It was both emotional and sexual.Fortunately,I stopped myself and though I still felt a little miserable,I was happy that it didn't go into a full scale masturbatory thing,which is where it could have gone to if I didn't have the strength to stop myself.After that,I simply went on with the rest of the morning.Though I haven't gone out to look for any male partners for the purpose of acting out since I started the healing process,I still get the temptation and the craving to do that at times.The thing is that I don't do that because acting out in any way will never give me the fulfillment that I so desperately need.Still,there are times when it does come to mind and when it happens,I still have to keep in mind that acting out is a choice and not an inevitability.I also still have to keep in mind that all men are brothers in a spiritual and Christian sense and not possible would be sexual partners as God never intended for men to have those types of relations or activity with each other at all.I have to keep telling myself that I am a male and that I am a member of the male sex.I also have to keep telling myself that since I am a male and a member of the male sex,that is all that I am and that is the only thing about me that I accept,though it wasn't and still isn't a very easy thing for me to do.I was also born and made a male for a reason.Not only that,I have to keep reminding myself that my body is biologically hard-wired to be compatible with a female.It is never easy to keep reminding myself of these things,but I do it all the time and I also still keep reminding myself about all of these things.Again,it is never easy to to do that,but if you do keep it up,the cravings and temptations to act out will go away,but they will still come back when they are least expected to come back.This means that I still have to be on guard and fight whenever they do.I will still fight and now knowing the truth,I would rather fight than compromise,even though it isn't an easy thing to do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues slow,but sure.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and also,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had a lot planned for the day.
The biggest thing on my agenda for the day was that I had an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor today.Today's meeting was a rescheduling of a previous session that I was hoping to attend several days before Christmas,but was canceled due to an emergency that happened at the clinic and my appointment had to be rescheduled.I was going there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful.The counselor and I talked for a long time and it was just terrific to get all of what I wanted to get off of my mind by talking about it.I left with a smile on my face and I looked forward to my next meeting with her and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a couple of video stores to see if they had a certain movie that I was looking for in stock,which they didn't.After that,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues on a slow path after what has happened in the last several days,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to go positively again in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out today was minimal if nil at best.As last night was winding down,my temptation to act out was very strong and overwhelming.But I fought it off,though admittedly,it wasn't easy to fight it off.I had the temptation to masturbate that was unbelievable.I was also manipulating my genitals for that sake,but stopped doing that when I realized that this was wrong for me to do.But today,it was minimal if nil at best.Still,I need to keep on guard as to when the temptation to act out in that way happens again.I need to be strong and be willing to fight off any cravings or temptations to act out in this way.I have gotten some good advice from the online support groups that I am a member of and that is great.I am going to try and apply this advice in the near and distant future.I am hoping that it will work.Thanks also to those who have been watching my blog for all the advice given as well.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though it was an hour later than I was hoping,and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only one thing on my agenda today.I had to go to the local city hall to pay the water bill.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I took it easy for a while.I also did a little bit more personal PC work.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out today was pretty strong.I was actually tempted to act out early this morning while trying to wake up and get up by masturbating.Yes,it was pretty strong.I really don't know how I did it,but I managed to resist the temptation to act out by masturbating and just get through the day.I don't know what it was that helped me,but whatever it was,I hope that it works again.When I finally did get up,I took my bath and went through the day.I am hoping that I will still continue to have the strength to resist the temptation to act out by masturbating in the near and distant future.I have appreciated some of the advice and suggestions given and I am trying to put them to good use.Thanks to all of you for your help and keep the help coming.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to get a little bit better.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.I had a lot planned for the day and I wanted to get cleaned up and make sure that I was on the ball.After the bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I did have a lot to do.I had to attend an early afternoon group at the local hospital,which was a mandatory meeting that I had to attend in order to keep my case at the hospital open and to ensure that I get my medication subscriptions when I have to see the nurse practitioner there.I cooperated and went there.Before the meeting,I stopped at the hospital cafe to have lunch while there was still time for me to eat.After lunch,I headed over to the waiting room to wait to get called in.
The meeting went well.After the meeting,I headed over to the work skills group meeting that I usually attend every Monday afternoon,which also went well.After that meeting,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw a small amount of money from my account.After that,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to get a little bit better,I am still dealing and struggling,on a one day at a time basis,with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,my temptation to act out today was minimal if nil at best.I didn't have any temptation to act out at all today,which was good.I did get yet another erection this morning and while the temptation to masturbate it away was overwhelming,I resisted the temptation to do that by simply tossing and turning constantly until my penis softened.When it did,I fell back asleep and woke up an hour and a half later.I know that I will get erections when least expected,but I do have a problem with erectile dysfunction and I know that my problem with it is strictly emotional.I don't get morning erections all the time,but I do get them when least expected.When I do get one,I simply toss and turn until my penis softens as I know that when this happens,my temptation to masturbate it away does get overwhelming and strong.I simply try to fight that temptation by simply tossing and turning until it softens.Even when I am not erect,I still get the temptation to masturbate when least expected.On those occasions,I manipulate my genitals in order to achieve an erection or near erection and then masturbate away.Most of the time it is emotional,but there are times when it is sexual and there are other times when it is both emotional and sexual.Today,my temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best and while that was good,I still have to keep on guard when the temptation to act out does get really strong and overwhelming.I have gotten some really wonderful advice from a regular reader and I am going to try and put this into practice in the near future and hope for the best.I know that I still have to take this one day at a time,but I am willing to continue fighting this.I also have to have the mentality that I can't let nothing stop me from this and that I must keep persevering.Thanks to all of you for all the help given.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues a bit better than the last few days.I had a very wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though a little over an hour later than I was hoping to,and bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up and headed over to the church for the morning worship service.I was looking forward to that with a lot of enthusiasm and positive anticipation as I always do each and every week when Sunday comes around.
It was another wonderful service as always.I also attended the early morning bible study class as well and that also was wonderful.I had some really wonderful fellowship with all of the people after the worship service and I left for home with a smile on my face and some really good optimism for the rest of the day.I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local video store to see if they had a particular movie in stock,which they didn't.I headed straight home afterwards.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a sweatsuit.I did my personal PC work after changing clothes and after that,I decided to go out for a while and run a couple of errands that needed to be run.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After that,I headed over to another local video store to see if they had the particular movie that I was looking for in stock,which they also didn't have.I headed straight home afterwards and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a movie that I popped into my DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very wonderful and eventful day.Then again,going to church always makes the day eventful in itself and also makes the day worthwhile in more ways than one.
Though my recovery is a little bit better than it has been the last few days,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.I am hoping that my recovery continues to improve.
Regarding my SSA struggles,as of now,my temptation to act out on the desires is minimal if nil at best.I really don't have the temptation to act out at the moment and I am greatful that somebody who has been watching my blog has given me some helpful advice and I will give it a try.I guess that I really need to take this to God's attention as I,as a result of depression,have been trying in vain to do it by myself and have been failing miserably.Again,I will give it a try.Still,I need to keep on guard as the temptation to act out will come back when least expected and I must prepare for when that happens.It is a really difficult journey out of Homosexuality,but if I keep going in it,I will be successful.I just have to keep focusing on God and turn this weakness over to him and ask him to help me in controlling the emotional stuff that makes me want to masturbate or manipulate my genitals to hardness or near hardness for that purpose.Thanks to that friend and blog watcher for that wonderful advice.
Tomorrow,I have a group meeting at the local hospital that I must attend.I also have a group after that and I will be attending that as well.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ