Tonight,though still a little rocky,my road to recovery soldiers on.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After that,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money for myself.After that,I headed back home to register the money at the Where's George site and after that was done,I headed out to the post office to have a money order made and sent out and after that was finished,I headed over to the local Sears to make a payment on my credit card.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery soldiers on,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.As I have said before and I will say again,I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It is always unpredictable as I can never anticipate what or how my mood is going to be.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the BPD struggle even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about my BPD struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I feel a little bit better.It shows me that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this urge.Since it has been working for me,so far,I sat up for a while and after a few minutes,the erection fully softened and I went to back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,and they are not very easy to escape,I am now always on guard as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might be in,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always fighting these unnatural desires that I have and the fight gets even more difficult with every resistance to the temptations to act out on them.It is never an easy thing to fight these temptations as they getting stronger the more that I resist the temptations to act out on them.Still,I continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the temptations seem to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.When that happens and the temptation is really strong,I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,my sin is forgotten by God as I know that I have been forgiven.It is simply a matter of talking to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,forgiveness is provided and I can move on with the rest of the day.This shows me that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.After that,it's lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,while still rocky,continues moving.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and waited to see my father off before I showered.I am now all alone in the house and right now,I am feeling pretty confident that I can make it on my own.I am going to be living by myself and I am looking forward to the challenge of being on my own.
I showered after my father left for his home and after showering,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to a friend's house to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Radio Shack store to compare prices for stereo connector wires.After looking around,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my recovery continues moving,despite a rocky road,I am still dealing and struggling with,on a daily basis,the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.My mood is always unpredictable as I never know how I will be feeling.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking making my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.All I do is talk about my struggle with God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and I feel a tad better.I still struggle,but with God and his son Christ Jesus leading the way,they help sustain me and I feel a little bit better knowing that I am not alone in my struggles.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was a very overwhelming urge.I tossed and turned,but the erection wasn't softening.I finally sat up for a few minutes and the erection softened.I laid down and went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it makes itself,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.At times,the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can be strong and overwhelming.The urge to give into the temptation is usually as strong as the temptation is.Each and every time I resist,the temptation always comes back stronger than the last one and the urge to give in even stronger.When that happens,I take my struggles to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ in prayer and I feel better.It is simply a matter of taking the temptation and throwing it on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and the temptation is reduced to nil.I feel better once I have done that and I can move on with the day.If I ever do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I feel better knowing that I am forgiven and that God has forgotten about my sin and has forgiven it and has also forgotten it.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do in my struggles with SSA.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though it will be rocky for a while,is continuing to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things to do.When the afternoon hit,I headed over to my weekly building and improving self esteem group and I was looking forward to that with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there expecting to get quite a bit out of it.
The meeting went well.After it was all over,I was hoping to meet with someone in their office at the group site to have an aid application filled out,nut the person wasn't in as he was sick.I headed for home a little disappointed.I will have to call tomorrow to see if he is in so I can get it filled out.
On the way home,I stopped in to see how a friend of mine was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I never know if my mood will be up or down.It varies day to day and at times,from minute to minute.I can never predict ahead of time how my mood will be.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the BPD struggle even more difficult for me.Aside from the BPD emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with hearing things,sounds or voices that nobody else hears or even knows about.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am also still going to continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about my struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help sustain me.It is simply a matter of sharing my struggles with God and after that,feeling only a tad batter as a result.It shows that I am not alone in this struggle and that feels good.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This was another very overwhelming temptation.I really had the urge to grab my genitals and masturbate the erection away as it was,again,a very overwhelming one.I simply sat up in bed and after about a couple of minutes,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to always be on guard and be watchful as I never know when the temptation will hit.I know that being tempted is not a sin,but giving into temptation is a sin.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have and the battle to fight and resist is a very difficult one.It is just that I refuse to surrender to these unnatural desires that I have,even though resistance to the temptation to act out on them is a very difficult one.When it gets to be getting too extreme,I am still going too continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the temptation to act out in any way comes around.I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.The best thing about this is that God is there to help anyone who is tempted to sin and he is there to help with the removal of any sort of temptation.It is wonderful that I am not alone in my struggle.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though it will be rocky for a while,is still ongoing.I have a wonderful and very eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and headed over to the church for the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service were equally wonderful.It was also a special day for me because I am now officially a member of the church and will be able to participate in many of the things that the church members do.I am looking forward to next week as I am now a reinstated member of the church as a whole.It was a very happy day for me.After some wonderful fellowship with the members and getting their congratulations for me now being a member officially,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my home suit,which is a sweat suit.I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I had a light lunch.After lunch,I turned on the TV and watched some classic TV reruns.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.For me,though I have said it several other times,but I really mean it when I say this;For me,going to church on Sunday always makes the day eventful for me.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
My father also came back today from his weekend trip.He will be heading back to North Carolina early Tuesday morning.
Though my road to recovery in still ongoing,despite a rocky road that I am on as a result of my mom's passing,I am still dealing and struggling,on a daily basis,with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It is just the way it goes with having this terrible condition.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I still attend therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply take it to both God and Christ and they help in sustaining me.After telling them about my struggle,I feel a tad better and I can move on.I still do what my therapists tell me to do,but both God and Christ give power beyond what any human therapy can give.It is simply a matter of talking about the struggle with God and his son Jesus Christ and they help in getting me through it.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated a throbbing erection away and it was all emotional.I just grabbed myself and I gave in.I really felt miserable after that and I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sin and after that,I feel better.I am forgiven and I can now forget the sin.This also shows me that I will have to have the strength and the courage to ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me get through these trying and emotional times.It is a very difficult time for me right now as a result of my mom passing away and I really need the strength and the courage to ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations.I am also asking for prayers and support from those who regularly read my blog and please leave an encouraging comment or two for me so I can carry on and try to be strong to fight and resist any sort of temptations.I would really appreciate that.I will still do my part,but I do need the help,support,encouragement and prayers of those who read and follow my blog.Thanks in advance to everyone for everything that they offer.
Tomorrow,I have a building and improving self esteem group that I am looking forward to attending.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still a little rocky,moves forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After cleaning myself up,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things planned.I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to see if I could find some steel grip glue.After that,I decided to take a drive out to see how a friend of mine has been doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery moves forward,the road will still be rocky for a while.I am still dealing with the affects of my mother passing away.It isn't going to be easy,but I need to learn how to manage without her.I am still struggling,on a daily basis,with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the BPD struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.I am still attending therapy and I am still taking my medication.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about my struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I feel a tad better.It is simply a matter of taking it up with God and Christ and letting them help ease my pain and suffering.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was a very overwhelming temptation and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this.I turned to the left side and just didn't touch my genitals and after that,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I did escape this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with the unnatural desires that I have and at times,the war cam seem too impossible to fight,but I also keep in mind that with God,all things are possible and the battle can be won.I am still going to continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for it's own good.With God and Christ leading the way,I feel better knowing that I am not alone in this fight and that is very reassuring.It is simply a matter of throwing the temptation on God and ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to get me through it and to help me to resist the temptation and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I ever do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I feel better knowing that I am forgiven and that God has forgotten my sin.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have church as usual,including the Holy Bible study class before the worship service.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still rocky,continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had some stuff planned.
For the next two days,including today,I have the house all to myself.My locally living sister is spending the weekend in New York City.My father is visiting relatives in Pennsylvania and will be meeting up with my youngest nephew where he is camping.My flight attendant sister will be going back home to Florida soon.I am all alone here in the house as I felt that I needed some time to myself after having people coming in or out of the house as result of my mom's illness and her passing a week ago.So,I am taking this opportunity to spend some time alone and just hang out for a spell.
After doing my PC work,I headed for the group site to drop off an application for added benefits.After doing that,I had lunch at a local kitchen and after that,I visited with a friend for a few minutes.After spending some time with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my prescription refill.After paying the co-pay for that,I headed over to my sister's house to pick up my laundry.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put my laundry away and I relaxed for a while.I also managed to get some work done that I have been putting off for quite some time.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
Though my recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It has been a little bit harder now since my mom has passed away and I am going to need all the help and support that I can get to get me through this.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.It also makes my SSA struggles very difficult as well.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more than anything as they have power far beyond what any human therapy can give.I simply talk about my struggles with God in the name of Christ Jesus,his son,and I feel only a little bit better.It is still difficult in itself,but talking with God and Christ and letting them take the wheel makes it a tad easier.It also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.It is simply a matter of talking about the BPD/Schizophrenia combination struggle with God and his son Christ Jesus and I feel a tad better knowing that I am not alone.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated until ejaculation.I really felt terrible after doing that,even though this fall was emotional mostly with only a little lusting involved.After cleaning myself up after giving in,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I went back to sleep.Though I do truly and sincerely believe that I am forgiven for my sins,I have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form the temptation might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with these fleshly and unnatural desires as they want me to do one thing,which is wrong,when I want to do another thing,which is right.I want to do everything that God's sacred word,the Holy Bible,says,but these unnatural desires that I have want me to do the opposite.I want to do what is right,but these unnatural desires that I have want me to do wrong,such as indulging in sinful sexual activity with members of my own gender.I am always fighting these desires as they never seem to let up.I am going to have to learn to be string enough to take these types of temptations to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help give me the strength to resist these immoral snares that want to envelope me and rule my life.I want to tell my desires that I won them and that they don't own me.I am going to have to continue to rely on God and Christ more whenever these desires try to overwhelm me greatly.I am in a period of great emotional distress and vulnerability as a result of my mother passing away last Friday and I really need all the prayers and support that I can get.To those who follow my blog and read the posts,please pray for me and ask God and his son Jesus Christ to help get me through this emotionally trying time.Thanks in advance for prayers and support.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still rocky,continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did only 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
My father and I first went to the local Social Security office to try and straighten some things out and it took shorter than we anticipated.After that,we headed straight home.
When we got home,my father took a walk over to my sister's house and I decided to finish that 1/4 of my personal PC work.
After that was done,I went to get ready for my spirituality group.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there hoping for it to be wonderful.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch.After eating,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to turn in a few empty cans and bottles.After that was done,I stopped over to see how a friend of mine was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my recovery continues onward,the rad is going to be rocky for a while as I am still learning how to cope without my mom being around.Her death was hard on the family,especially myself.My symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having it is going to be getting worse.I am going to experience mood changes and everything as I am trying to continue to hold on.I am just trying to hold my own and I must admit that it isn't easy.I will still never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.Plus,the schizophrenic tendencies that I have are also getting worse.But I am going to continue hanging in there and going the course of life.I will also continue going to my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am also going to continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle with the double mental illness whammy that I have seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle and endure.I will continue talking about my struggles with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too impossible to handle as I know that both God and Christ will be there to help.I simply talk about this with them and after that,I feel a tad better knowing that I am not alone in my struggle.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was very overwhelming.I really had the overwhelming desire to grab my genitals and masturbate,but I fought it,I started to sit up and as I did,the erection started to soften and I sat up for a while until my genitals were finally soft enough for me to lie down and go back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a constant fight against these unnatural desires that I have and at times,the war can be really difficult.I am always getting tempted to masturbate and watch porn or do both.It also adds some stress to my life as well.But again,I am still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever it seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.Whenever the temptations to act out come around,I simply throw the temptations on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.It is simply a matter of taking it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ in prayer and talking about the temptation and asking them for help in sustaining me.If I ever do give into temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I feel better as I am forgiven and my sins are forgotten by God.It also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for all of their help.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still a little rocky,continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I had to do some running for my sister and when I got home,I did my personal PC work.I then got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had some stuff that I needed to do.I first went to the local public assistance office to pick up an application.After that,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to turn in some empty cans and bottles that had accumulated in my car over several weeks.After turning all of those in,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,the road is still rocky as a result of my mom now dead.It hasn't been easy for me as I continue to struggle with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I never know how my mood will be.It is always unpredictable.It is now a little more rougher with my mom being dead and I am still in recovery from the shock of that and also,the hard and long road that goes with to overcome the hurt,sadness and the feeling of absence that goes with the loss of a family member,especially when it's own mother.The schizophrenic tendencies that I have are also getting worse as a result of that.I will still continue to take my medication and continue my therapy sessions.While the road right now is rough and it is very difficult,I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.It can get very overwhelming.I simply take my struggles and talk about them with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.The struggle when someone has a double whammy,BPD and schizophrenia mixed in,like I have is very difficult,but with God and Christ being there,it makes it a tad easier.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.This was a very overwhelming urge that I had to masturbate and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and stayed sitting up until the erection softened and when it did,I tried to go back to sleep,but had to get up again to use the bathroom and after I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I later gave into another temptation by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near to the point of orgasm and stopping.There was also some lusting involved as well.With that,I asked God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I felt better and all,but I still have to have the strength to resist this and ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me strength to fight and resist this particular urge whenever it comes.I am now at a very vulnerable state right now and I am being tempted to act out on thee unnatural desires that I have in a lot of ways and forms.I really need prayers from everyone who follows this blog and reads what I post here.I am in desperate need of prayers right now and they will all be appreciated.I will also continue to praying to God in the name of Christ Jesus myself as I could now use all the strength that I can muster up to fight and resist these sinful urges.I am hoping that I can be strong in this period of weakness and vulnerability.Yes,I need prayers desperately and I will also continue to pray myself.Thanks in advance for any prayers said.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Spirituality group and lunch at the local kitchen.I have no other plans for the rest of the day,but I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though it will be rocky for a while,continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.I had a few things planned and I wanted to get them done.
I first had to call the local Social Services office to make an appointment to discuss some things with them,mostly personal,and after that was done,I simply relaxed for a while.
After a while,I decided to go out and run a few errands.I still have to work on keeping busy.I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things and after paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed for a while after doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,it is going to be rocky for a while and I am going to need all the help and support that I can get.I am glad to have my family and some caring friends from church and otherwise.It is still not going to be easy as I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.Last night,depression started to set in as a result of my mom's passing on Friday and the emotional eulogy that I gave.It is going to take me a while to start getting back where I would like to be emotionally and also,I have to also battle the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.I will continue my therapy and continue taking my medication as directed.I will also continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle, because without them,I feel that I won't make it through anything.I can never go it alone as that would be impossible.The battle with the symptoms of BPD with schizophrenia mixed in is difficult enough and going it alone is out of the question.I continue to rely on God and Christ more and when I talk about my struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ,I feel a tad better and it makes it only a tad easier.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that I never have have to go it alone.Thanks to both God and Christ Jesus for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This temptation was yet another overwhelming one and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and as I was sitting up,the erection started to soften and I also had to use the bathroom,which I did use and after I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I gave into a later temptation to manipulate my genitalia for the purposes of getting them erect and/or near orgasm and stop and yes,it was to sexual images of men for lustful and forbidden purposes.It wasn't any man that I know personally,it was simply images of men in general.After I did this,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive and after I was finished,I felt better and I went about my day.I am now becoming even more aware that Satan is using my struggles with SSA in hopes of me deciding to go back to the so called "Homosexual/Gay" lifestyle,but I am working on not giving them the satisfaction that Satan feels that he deserves and I refuse to surrender to the unnatural desires that I have to indulge in sinful sexual activity with another man or other men.I have to work on staying strong and showing these unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not them owning me.Regarding masturbation,I also have to show my male sexuality that I also own it and not it owning me,as masturbation is mostly being enslaved to your own sexuality and not making your sexuality a slave.I will still continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too impossible for me to endure or fight.I have to keep throwing any sort of temptations on them and having those temptations be reduced to nil.If I do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I feel better knowing that I am forgiven for my sin and that God forgets sins once forgiven.It is a pleasure to worship God and also,learn how to properly serve him in the name of his son Jesus Christ.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I still have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,though it will be rocky for a while,my road to recovery is ongoing.I had an eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had quite a few things to do today.
After making a few important phone calls,I went to my building and improving self esteem group and was looking forward to this.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put everything away and I started to get ready for the memorial service for my mom.
The memorial service lasted for a while and everyone that my mom knew and everyone that I knew were there.It was wonderful seeing all the people who came and it was great that they also shared their condolences and shared in our grief.After it was over,we made preparations for the burial and we all headed for home.
When I got home,I had a light meal and got ready for bed.Overall,an eventful day and I still managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my recovery in ongoing,I will still be on a rocky road for a while as a result of my mom being no longer with us.The symptoms of BPD that I have are actually getting worse for now and also,the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD are also getting worse.I know that this is only temporary as this will reduce itself in time.I will continue taking my medication and keeping up with my therapy.I will also still continue to rely on both God and Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for it's own good.I simply talk about my struggles with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I feel a tad better.It is simply a matter of continually talking to to God and asking him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to get me through it all and after that,it is in their hands and I can feel better a little bit knowing that they are there.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes me feel a tad good.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.This was a very overwhelming temptation and I had to use all my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and since I had to use the bathroom,I went to the bathroom and used it and after that,the erection softened and I went back to sleep after that.Though I did escape this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it comes in,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have and at times,it seems that they are winning and that I should surrender.But I won't surrender as I refuse to do so.I can't let these desires that I have win.I have to stay strong and show them that I won them and not the other way around.When it does become seemingly too unbearable,I still rely on both God and his son Jesus whenever that happens.If I am ever really tempted,I simply take the temptation to God and throw it on him in Jesus name and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil and I feel better.If I ever do give into any sort of temptation,I ask God to forgive me for sinning in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,all is forgiven and forgotten by God and I can move on.It shows that I am not alone in my fight or struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though it will be rocky for a while,is still ongoing.I had a pretty good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for the church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.I had some wonderful fellowship and support from everyone in regards to my mom's passing.They all wished me well and the best of success as I now try to learn how to live on my own and handle things the same way.After all of it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into some casual clothes and I headed out to the local bargain movie theater to see The Dark Knight Rises.I have been waiting for this movie to come to the local bargain movie theater and I went to see it.
I enjoyed the film as much as I did the other Dark Knight films.I have been a fan of Batman all of my life and I really liked this film.After it was all over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and had some more socializing with my family.The outpouring of support from them and my friends,both online and church,has been very overwhelming.I also managed to get some personal PC work at the same time.
After eating,I watched the evening news and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.I also managed to get some Holy Bible reading in as well.For me,going to church on Sunday always makes the day eventful.
While my recovery is still ongoing,I still have to deal with the symptoms of BPD and the struggles that go with the territory of having it,including the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.I am also dealing with schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I still attend my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still in the grieving process of losing my mom on Friday and that is also making it more difficult.Then again,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply take it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they help in sustaining me.The recovery is still difficult,but relying on them to sustain me makes it a tad easier.I have nothing to fear and I am not in this alone.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was a very overwhelming urge as well.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up for a few minutes and as I was sitting up,the erection started to soften and after a few minutes,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might make itself,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always staying on guard and being watchful as they can take any form.I am always in a fight against these unnatural desires and it is a very difficult fight in itself.Still,whenever it gets too difficult,I am still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the temptation seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and the temptation is reduced to nil.If I ever do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive and after that,God forgives and forgets the sin.I am not alone in this fight and that makes me feel good.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,I have my building and improving self esteem group and later on,the memorial service for my mom.That is all that I have planned.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward and as a result of all the stuff that has happened,the road is becoming rocky.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and waited for some people to come before I showered.My sister,who has moved in with me,went out to pick our father up at the airport and I waited for the some medical people to come to pick up the things that we had gotten for mom when she became ill.I waited for them,but before they came,my sister brought our father in and we talked for a few minutes before I jumped into the shower to clean up.After the shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and I have been drinking more than coffee than usual.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I spent most of the day in the house with my father as my sister went to her old house to be alone.Off and on,I talked with him and the conversations were going well enough.I kept the television off for much of that time as we talked.
During this time,I had to go out and get some much needed stuff.I went to the local K-Mart to pick up those things and after paying for them,I headed straight home to spend more time with my dad.
When I got home,I again sent some more time with my dad and it was wonderful.
After eating,my father and I spent some more time together and it was wonderful.Though the day with my father was good,I still considered the day fair as it was the day after my mom passed away and I am still feeling her absence.
Right now,my struggles with BPD are getting pretty rough right now as I am trying to comprehend the loss and just trying to carry on without her.I lived with my mother almost all of my life and we had gotten close,even though there were some times where we didn't agree with some things,but we still remained close.Now,with her gone,I am now trying and learning how to live without her being here.I do have my family,such as my sisters,my niece and now,with my father in town for several days,I can rest a little easier,but it will still be a rough road ahead.The schizophrenic tendencies that I have will also start to get worse,but I still have to hang in there and stay sane enough to live.I will still continue to take my medication and continue with my therapy.I will also still continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle and also,seemingly too impossible to endure.I will simply continue to talk the matter over with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ repeatedly and I will simply hope to feel better after that.It will be rough,but with God and his son Jesus Christ leading the way,I know that I will be okay.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection,but it didn't last long.It actually started to die down while I was sitting up and after a few minutes,I went back to sleep.I escaped that episode,but I later gave into temptation by looking at pornographic images and manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near orgasm then stopping.I did sin and after closing off the internet for a while,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sins and after that,I felt better.I did manage to finish my personal PC work after that and I wasn't tempted for the rest of the day.I am at my most vulnerable right now as a result of my mother's death yesterday and I have to stay on guard and be watchful as Satan and his minions will be there to try and get me to go against God and his perfect law for us humans who worship him to follow.I can't let that happen.I have to keep calling out to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ for help and guidance and to get me through the storm of temptations that will now be coming as a result of my vulnerability during this tragic time.I will kepp going to both God and Christ and they will help me get through all of this,Thanks to both of them for everything that they do.Without them,I would be up the creek without a paddle and a boat.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual in the morning and I am hoping to go and see a movie in the early afternoon.As for the rest of the day,I will just sit and have many talks with my dad and enjoy him being here until he goes back home to where he lives.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am mourning the loss of my mom.She died in her sleep late last night.My sister and I discovered this early this morning and we are all in mourning as a result of what has happened.I request that those who are reading and who regularly follow my blog to please keep me and my family in their prayers as we go through this whole grieving and mourning process.
For much of the morning,I simply stayed home to prepare for what was to be prepared as a result of what happened to my mom.We were preparing the funeral arrangements,such as the viewing and visitation and everything else.This was a very shocking thing to happen and I am still in a state of shock due to what has happened.I will be missing my mom and will always miss her.She was a wonderful lady and everything and again,I will always miss her and mourn her.
After those who will be preparing the funeral took my mom's body away,I set out to do what I had planned to do.Firsthand,I did shower,had breakfast and my usual coffee and after doing my personal PC work,I got dressed to proceed with the plans that I had scheduled.
I first went to the place where the groups that I attended were held to share the tragic news about my mom's passing and after signing some papers,I headed out to do some much needed shopping.
I first stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things and after that was done,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick one other thing that was needed.I did share the news of my mom's passing with other friends and they shared their condolences with me.After paying for what I picked up at Wal-Mart,I headed straight home and stayed there for the rest of the evening.
When I got home,I simply put all the stuff away and I helped in preparations for the upcoming memorial services for my mom.I also managed to finish some things that I meant to do.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.I also managed to get some more recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
For tonight,I will not share anything in my recovery from the symptoms of BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside that nor will I talk about my struggles with SSA as a result of my mom's passing.I will discuss these things tomorrow because I am too busy and hung up on mourning my mom's tragic death.
I did manage to visit with my pastor to discuss me becoming a reinstated member of the church today and I will be a member starting the Sunday after this Sunday.
That was my day today.Thanks in advance for any prayers offered.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After showering,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning Spirituality group,which I was looking forward to with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed over to a friends place to see how they were doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and started to catch up on some music that I have been meaning to listen to and later,I watched a little TV.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It is a never ending roller coaster ride of my emotions,where I can be up and feeling good one day or one minute,or,down and not so good the next day or minute.This means that it happens on a day to day thing or on the same day type of thing.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to endure hearing noises that only I can hear and not others,such as a voice calling my name or footsteps following me and turning and finding nothing.It is a never ending cycle.It simply never lets up.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on Both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle starts to seemingly get too unbearable for it's own good.When that happens,I simply take it to both God and Christ by praying about it and they help sustain me.It is simply a matter of taking it up with God and his son Christ Jesus to ask for help and they do it.They simply help keep me level and I move on.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice.Once during the wee early morning hours and the second time as I was rising up to get out of bed.Fortunately for me,these occurrences didn't last very long.I really didn't have to do anything as with the first occurrence,I simply turned another way and the erection died down and with the second occurrence,I simply got out of bed and headed for the bathroom to take my morning shower to clean up.Though I escaped this double whammy,I have to continually keep in mind that any temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form that they come as,can rear their ugly heads when least expected.I know that it is not a sin to be tempted,but it is a sin to give into any temptation to engage and/or indulge in sinful sexual activity between two members of the same gender or to lust after other men by masturbating to their images when they start to cloud the mind.The SSA struggles is never an easy struggle as I keep learning that day to day.Satan and his minions will try anything to get me to go against the law that God set forth in his sacred word,the Holy Bible.But I have to remain strong and stay the course.After that dream that I had while sleeping,it keep me even more determined,motivated and committed to keep the process up and never surrender.I also have to continually keep in mind to include God and his son Jesus Christ in all of this.I have to continually talk about my struggle with them whenever I need to have any more additional strength given to me to help in my fight to resist all sorts of temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.Whenever temptation starts to rear it's ugly head in any way,shape or form,I throw it on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after I am finished talking about it,the temptation is reduced to nil and I can move on with the rest of the day.If I ever do give into temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive and after that,God wipes the slate clean and forgets about my sin as it is forgiven.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
I had no dreams like I had the previous night.But if I do,I will share again.
Tomorrow,I am having a brief meeting with the pastor to discuss my reinstatement as a member of the church.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and I showered for the first time as my locally living sister,who has now permanently moved in,installed a shower in the bathroom and it was great.After that,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,the pastor of my church came to the house to visit with my mom and the family and stayed a few minutes talking with all of us and left.After he left,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to the public library to print some more stuff that I wanted to have printed.After that,I went to the local K-Mart to pick up a couple or things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I managed to relax and take it easy for a while.I also managed to help my mom out a little today as the day went along.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.At times,I really don't know if I am coming or going.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.It's bad enough having BPD,but when you also have schizophrenia alongside that,it makes for a very bumpy ride through the emotional road and the road to recovery.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.Whenever that happens,I simply rely on God and Christ by taking to them in prayer and they help sustain me.It is simply a matter of throwing it all on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and their help in keeping me level and sustained.It is never easy dealing and struggling with any mental illness or when one has a combination of two of them,but with God's help,with his son Jesus Christ helping alongside him,I have nothing to worry about as they are always there willing to help when they are asked to help out.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and his son,the one and only savior and very loving one at that,Jesus Christ,for everything that they do.
Regarding MY SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened out a deep sleep by yet another throbbing erection.It was a very overwhelming temptation and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and when I did,the erection was still strong and since I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,I got up and walked there and as I did,the erection started to soften and after I used the bathroom,my genitals were fully soft and I went back to sleep.Though I did escape this episode,I have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It always comes when I am not aware that it is coming.It is always unpredictable.I never know when it will strike.It can strike when I am trying to think of something wholesome or when I am trying to live the kind of holy life that my Heavenly Father wants me to live through his word,the Holy Bible.I also try to ask myself "What would someone who is a Christian do in a spot like this?" and I would try to find the answers via the scriptures in the Holy Bible or from books and daily devotions that have me look up very sound and important scriptures that help me deal with this sort of thing.It shows me that God is always there and that I am not alone in my fight.I am still turning to both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.It is basically a matter to go in prayer to them and throwing any temptations that I get on them and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I do ever give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my falling and after that,I feel better as God wipes the slate clean and forgets that I did sin.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for all of their help and guidance as they continue to restore me to the man that not only I want to be,but the man that they intend me to be.
I also want to share this with all of you who are reading.Last night,as I slept,I had a dream and this was pretty weird.I dreamed that I was in a room full of people and was talking to them.All of a sudden,a very beautiful and attractive woman came up to me and started to kiss me passionately.Soon,I started to kiss her more on my own and we both found ourselves on the floor in the room where we still continued to kiss passionately.We also alternated between kisses by doing open mouth,regular kissing and french kissing where we put our lips together and tongue wrestle.In that dream,it gave me a wonderful feeling and I even said to her that if there was nobody in the room,I felt like ripping off her clothes and kissing her everywhere on her body from her head to her feet and she said that she would love that if I could do that to her.Of course,the whole thing ended when the alarm on my clock radio rang.But this dream did give me one reassurance.It shows that any man who struggles with Homosexuality can become a Heterosexual man as we are all Heterosexual in the eyes of God as that is what he intended all of us to be as he did create man and woman for that reason.It also motivates me even more to continue pursuing this route and to persevere in my journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I currently have.It also makes me even more determined to continue in this healing journey as well.I am now going to continue staying this course and continue on my journey to heal from Homosexuality/SSA and not let nothing in this world,including that wicked,evil and powerful angel Satan,the devil.Don't worry readers,I have no plans of going out to grab any woman and do this for real as in reality,it would be wrong for me to do as it is,in a way,associated with lusting.But again,it makes me more determined and more motivated to continue on this journey out of Homosexuality/SSA and attain the true identity that I was intended to have in the first place.I am now more motivated and determine like never before.It shows me that any man can become what he truly wants to be if he keeps on trying.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Spirituality group meeting and lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Before I report on how my day went today,I want to catch up on yesterday as posting my day yesterday slipped my mind as I had so much on my mind yesterday.
Yesterday,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After bating,I had breakfast and coffee and did part of my personal PC work before getting dressed and going to my Monday afternoon group,which went great.After that,I headed straight home as I had really nothing else to do.
I simply stayed home and relaxed while watching some TV and did some recommended Holy Bible reading before turning in for the night and anticipating the events of the next day.
Now that I am all caught up,now to today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and after giving mom her medication for the morning,I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to the mechanic's garage to get my car checked out to see if it needs any work to pass inspection next month,which it does as I need some minor brake work.After that was done,I headed over to the public library to print something.After that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I watched a little bit more TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.As I have stated before,I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It is always a non-stop thing with me in regards to my emotional make-up.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggle even more difficult.I never know what sounds that I might hear that others can't hear.When it starts to become seemingly too unbearable,I always turn to God and his son Jesus Christ whenever that happens.I simply talk about these mental health struggles with both God and Christ and not only do I feel a tad better,but they help is sustaining me.It is simply a matter of talking it out and throwing everything on them both and feeling a little bit better.Again,it shows that I am not alone in this struggle.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning when I masturbated.I really felt bad for that as it was a very crushing weight on me.After it was all over,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sin and after that,I felt better as God has now forgotten my sin and has wiped the slate clean.I do have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form that it comes around in,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I now have to really stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation can come when I really don't expect them to come.I don't really want to act out on these unnatural desires that I have because God didn't intend for sexuality to be used the way that they world is using as well as abusing it.God never intended for two members of the same gender to indulge in sinful sexual activity with each other.He created man and woman and that alone shows that he only approved of healthy and happy Heterosexuality and not Homosexuality.God through his sacred and inspired word,the Holy Bible,condemns such practices.It is as sinful as anything else that is sinful.I am going to really push myself to start relying more on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever temptation rears it's ugly head.If I don't,I will continue to stumble and fall.I am also asking and appealing for those who read my blog regularly to pray for me that God continues to set me free from the chains of this destructive sinful pattern that is connected with the sinful and destructive sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle.Please pray for me and also,pray that I become determined to rely more on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggles seems to be getting too impossible or unbearable.I would really appreciate that.Thanks to all of you for prayers offered and also,Thanks to both God and Christ for all they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit to head over to the church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with the other members,I headed straight home.
I had to hurry home to sign some legal papers with a lawyer and after that was done,I got out out of my suit and into some casual clothes and headed back out again.There was a charity chicken barbecue at the fire hall across from church and I headed over there for a chicken lunch and also,to help benefit the church.
I had a wonderful lunch with the people and after talking with some of them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I did my personal PC work.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.For me,going to church makes the day eventful.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It is just a non-stop ride that never seems to want to end.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that my BPF struggles even more difficult.At times,I never know if I am coming or going.But when the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable,I simply talk about it with God and his son Jesus Christ and after a while,I feel only a little bit better.The struggle with having BPD and schizophrenia at the same time is never an easy one.It is a very difficult thing to deal with.But with the help of God and his son Christ Jesus,it makes it only a tad easier.It is simply a matter of talking about the struggle with God in the name of his some Jesus Christ and they both help to sustain me.It shows that I am not alone in my struggles with these mental disorders.Thanks to both God and Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was yet another overwhelming one.I simply sat up and sat for a while until the erection died down and also,I had to use the bathroom.After finishing,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that these temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form they take or can be,can rear their ugly heads when least expected.I am always in a war to fight and resist all of these temptations.I also still get tempted to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for masturbation or to reach orgasm and quit.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable.I simply take it to God and I throw the temptation on him and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.It sows that I am not alone in my fight and if I ever were to give into any temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,God forgets the sin and I can move on.It is great that our Heavenly Father is a very loving God and that his son is also a very loving savior and all.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have a building and improving self esteem group meeting that I need to attend.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had some stuff that I needed to do.I first had to meet with my sister's lawyer to discuss some legal issues regarding the house we live in and other things.The meeting with the lawyer lasted a little over 20 minutes and after the meeting was done,I headed out to run some errands that needed to be run.
I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few more things that were needed and after I paid for those,I also had to pick up a couple of things for myself.After paying for those,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to check on a friend that I hadn't spoken to in quite a while to see how they were doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed while making some time to do some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.It is always a struggle and it's never and easy one.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Whenever it seems to be getting too unbearable,I turn to both God and his son Jesus Christ and they help sustain me.It is never an easy struggle,but I do feel a tad better whenever it is God's hands.It is simply a matter of taking it both God and Christ and talking about it and feeling better once I do that.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.Again,I had to really use all of my strength to resist this temptation.I really wanted to grab my genitals and simply make myself ejaculate.But instead,I simply chose to sit up and sat up for a while until the erection died down and after it did die down,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that these temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,which can take any type of form,can rear their ugly heads when least expected.I am always in a fight against these unnatural desires.It seems that these desires won't let up until I decide to surrender to them and give up the fight and simply live my life in sin rather than do what I know is the right thing to do.But I can't let that happen.I have to make it so that I own the unnatural desires and not them owning me.I will not give Satan what he wants.He wants me to indulge in all the sinful sexual activity that the so called "Homosexual/Gay" lifestyle offers and that is not what I want to do,but these unnatural desires that I have,which are connected to and borne out of Satan,want me to do so.I am still getting tempted to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation or to simply bring myself to orgasm and stop.I am still turning to God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle or when it is border-lining on seemingly impossible.I simply throw the temptation on God and ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to strengthen me and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I do give into any temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me in his son Jesus Christ's name to forgive and after that,my sin is forgotten by God.I am also still asking for prayers by everyone who visits this blog of mine.I see that people visit my blog and read,but they don't leave anything.I am always asking for some encouraging and/or supporting words to help keep me going.Please share a word or two and also,keep me in your prayers.Thanks.Thanks also to both both God and his son Jesus Christ for all their help and strength.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual and the Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I simply went out to run a few errands that needed to be run.I was out for only a few hours today.I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things and after that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few more things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It is a never ending unpredictable cycle.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable.I simply take it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I feel a little bit better.It is simply a matter of talking about the struggle with God and asking him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to aid and abet in the recovery.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was a really overwhelming urge that I had to give into this temptation.I had to really use all the strength that I had to resist this temptation.I had to get up and sit up for a while and I did that,the erection softened and I used the bathroom,which I had to do,before going back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,which can take any form,can rear their ugly heads when least expected.I never know when they are about to strike.I am always in a fight to resist the temptations to act out on these desires that I have.I am also still in the fight to resist the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbating or to make myself have an orgasm and yes,there is usually some lusting after other men involved with this,though other times,it can be an emotional thing.Whenever I give into that particular temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me.I am still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle or endure and I ask them for help in giving me strength to resist.After that,the temptation is reduced to nil.But I'm also in need of prayers by others to help me in my resistance regarding the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect for masturbation or to bring myself to orgasm and stop.This temptation has been a real drag for me as I don't want to do that unclean thing anymore.If anyone can offer some helpful as well as spiritual advice in how I can resist the temptation to "play with myself", please share as I am open to anything to help me stop this unclean activity.I will keep praying to both God and his son Christ Jesus in the long run and again,prayers and advice are always appreciated.Thanks in advance for anything offered and also,Thanks again to both God and his Jesus Christ for being there to show that I am not alone in my struggle.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work,including registering a whole bunch of bills at the Where's George website,and after that was done,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
My niece was over for much of the day and when she went out for an hour to go to a local supermarket,I watched over my mom while she wasn't there and when my niece returned,I headed out to do what I had planned for the day.
I first went to city hall to pay on the water bill and after that was done,I headed over to the post office to mail out a couple more of important bills.After that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local store to pick up some stuff that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did some more personal PC work while watching my mom.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It is a never ending ride.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more than anything.I simply take it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help sustain me.It is simply a matter of bringing the struggle to God and him and his son help keep me calm,cool and help with getting it together.It is still difficult,but God and Christ both help to make it only a tad easier.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this urge.It was also a very overwhelming urge at that.I simply sat up and while doing so,the erection softened and since I had to use the bathroom,I walked there and the erection fully softened as I was heading for there and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I am still in a constant fight to resist the urge to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and the fight is always a very difficult one at that.I am always at war and it does seem that at times,the unnatural desires that I have refuse to surrender.But I am not going to give Satan nor his minions anything that they want because they want me to weaken and surrender to Homosexuality,but I refuse to do so.When that happens,I simply take it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they help get me through any temptation.I simply throw the temptation on God and ask him in his son Christ's name to help me and the temptation is reduced to nil.If I do give into any form of temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,the slate is wiped clean and it is forever forgotten by God.It also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes me feel better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for all of their help and getting me through every sort of temptation under the sun.
Tomorrow,I have a Spirituality group that I must attend and after that,lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things planned for today.I first did a little bit more cleaning up around the house and after that was done,I had my mom prepare the bills to be mailed out today and also,to withdraw some money from the bank.After that was all done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something that was needed for the house.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know,from day to day,or,from one minute to the next,how my mood will be.It is a very difficult thing to deal and/or endure with.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.Aside from that emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with hearing things that others can't hear,such as footsteps or the calling of my name.When it becomes seemingly too difficult,I simply take it to both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever that happens.I simply talk about it with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they help in sustaining me.It is simply a way of taking it to them and asking them for help.It is great that I am not alone in my struggle.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was a really overwhelming urge.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming temptation.I simply sat up and as I did,the erection died down and when my genitals were softened,I simply laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I am still keeping in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I never know when those temptation will come.They simply strike when least expected.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have as I refuse to let them define who I am as a human being.I have only accepted my identity as male and I accept nothing else.The temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can be a very overwhelming one at that.While that can be,I am still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ when that happens.Whenever the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have come around,as it does come when I least it to come,I simply throw it on God and talk about the temptation in the name of his son Jesus Christ and the temptation is reduced to nil.I am trying to tell the desires that I have that I own them and they don't own me.If I ever do give into any temptation to act out,I simply ask God to forgive in the name of his son Christ Jesus and after that,the slate is wiped clean and God forgets it.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for all of their help and for showing me that I am not alone in my struggles.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to my building and improving self esteem group.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there.
The meeting was wonderful.After meeting with someone privately at the group's offices,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local 7-Eleven to buy a hot dog for lunch and after I ate it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a one day at time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having this.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more than on human therapy.They have powers that exceed anything by humans.Whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable or seemingly too impossible to endure,I simply take it to both God and Christ and they help sustain me.It is just a matter of throwing it on God and have his son Jesus Christ work alongside him to help in the sustaining.Admittedly,battling BPD,alongside the schizophrenic tendencies that I have,is not easy,but with God and Christ,it does make it a tad easier.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This really was an overwhelming temptation and the erection was really a throbbing one at that.This was a very difficult temptation to resist and this time,I had to take it to God in prayer to help give me the strength to resist this overwhelming urge.I also had to get up and use the bathroom and after I was finished,the erection died down and I simply went back to sleep after I was finished.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with the unnatural desires that I have and the war is usually a seemingly and very unbearable one at that.It seems to get tougher no matter how much I resist any temptation that tries to envelope me.I also,at times,get tempted to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation and most of the time,lusting does play a role in that.When this happens,I simply turn to both God and his son Jesus Christ.I simply throw the temptation on God and ask in his son Christ Jesus' name to help me in my resistance and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.It is simply a matter of throwing it on God and ask him to help me to gain victory over my inherent weaknesses due to the fall from perfection and again,the temptation is reduced to nil.If it ever happens that I do give into the temptation,I simply ask God to forgive in the name of his son Jesus Christ's names and after that,the slate is wiped clean and is forgotten by God as God does forgive whenever anyone,like myself,gives into any temptations.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and for being there whenever the SSA struggles seems to be getting too unbearable or impossible.Thanks again to them both.
Tomorrow,I have plans to go to the post office to mail out some bills and also,to withdraw some much needed money for the bank.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go onward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and headed for the church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some fellowship with everyone,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into some casual clothes.I had a light lunch and after that,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I did a little bit more cleaning up around the house.I even managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.For me,going to church on Sunday always makes the day eventful.
While my recovery continues to go onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I still attend my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am still continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about it with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they help sustain me.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was another overwhelming temptation at that.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I sat up and chose to do so for a while and when the erection died down,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it takes,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I never know when the temptation will hit or what form it will take.I am always at war with these unnatural sexual desires and at times,the battle seems to be a very impossible one to fight.When that happens,I simply turn to God and his son Jesus Christ and they help in getting me through it all.I simply talk about the temptation with God and his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.It shows that I don't have to go it alone and that I can turn to them whenever I need to do so to reduce any type of temptation.If I do ever give into temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,the slate is wiped clean and is forgotten by God.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for all of their help and everything else that they provide.
Tomorrow,I have my usual building and improving self esteem group.As for the rest of the day,I have made no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ