Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed out to go to my usual spirituality group that is on Thursday's.
The group meeting went well.After it was over,I headed for a local kitchen to have lunch and after having eating that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local hardware store to pick up some electronics spray and after paying for that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of things and after paying for them,I headed to stop in on a friend to see how he was doing and after a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.I also did some cleaning up around the house.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.While having BPD and my emotions on this constant roller coaster ride can be tiresome and monotonous,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It's bad enough that the emotional roller coaster ride that I am going through can be tiresome and draining emotional roller coaster ride where my emotions very by the day,or sometimes,by the minute/moment,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.This is a double whammy that I have as far as my psychiatric disability goes and as stated,it can be draining and tiresome as hearing things that only I can hear and nobody else hears alongside the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD can be draining and make me feel exhausted in a psychological sense.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It is a simply a matter of sharing this psychological struggle with God and asking him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to get through it all the rigamarole of having this particular type of psychiatric disability.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do to help out in this particular struggle as they give power beyond what any human therapy can give.Thanks to the both of them for being there for me.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again fighting the temptation to masturbate when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming temptation.I am also learning day after day that the more I resist any temptation,the stronger it gets with every resistance.I simply sat up and proceeded to get out of bed and as I did this,the erection,though it was slow going,started to soften.After I walked to the bathroom and back to bed,the erection had fully died down and I went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation while still in bed by manipulating my genitals to lustful images of men and yes,the temptation to fantasize was really strong.I stopped doing this and after getting out of bed,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into this unclean and impure activity and also for the lusting that was involved in this.I was still tired and sleepy and that is what made the images come into mind.I am not saying that it excuses or justifies it,but that it was the root cause of this.Throughout the rest of the day,I was tempted to manipulate my genitals to lustful and sexual images of men that were creeping up into my mind.I had to really pray hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to ask for strength to fight and resist these temptations as they were coming on strong and fierce.The more I put up a resistance,the more stronger each and every temptation becomes.I kept up in prayer to God the entire day and I always felt better and even much stronger whenever I did.I still get tempted to go out and seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that particular temptation comes around,I willfully choose to stay home rather than go out and feed that particular type of temptation.I am learning that the fight to resist all sorts of temptations connected with struggling with SSA is a very difficult fight indeed and at times,it can make one pretty exhausted.While I am keeping up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ,I am also asking that those of you who follow my blog and read my posts to also continue in praying for me as I am going through this difficult time where I am being tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have constantly.I also ask that you don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.My blog gets quite a few visitors,but they rarely leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I keep asking for this because both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue on this healing journey out of this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouraging words.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed out to do the things that I started to plan.
I first went to a local supermarket to put some money on the phone bill.After that,I headed over to the post office to buy a money order to pay my car insurance for the month.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and eagerly awaited the time for me to go to a dinner at my church's fellowship hall.When the time came,I headed over there.
The dinner was wonderful and I had some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers.We also had another part of a video presentation about the Jewish Passover.After the whole thing was over with,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and read some recommended Holy Bible passages suggested by the daily devotions that I get in my e-mail every day.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle against the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I am always feeling the ups and downs of this particular thing that I have and at times,it can get tiresome and monotonous.It also,at times,makes me feel drained.Aside from that,the schizophrenic tendencies that I have make the BPD struggle for me even worse.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time,such as hearing noises like footsteps while I am walking or hearing a loud voice calling out my name and there is nobody to be found anywhere around when I look to see if anybody is there.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am never alone in this particular struggle and that is great.It also makes me feel a tad better as both God and Christ Jesus are leading the way and are in control.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.This was a really overwhelming temptation at that and I really had to use all of my own strength to fight and resist this temptation.I started to sit up and as I did,the erection started to soften and I proceeded to get out of bed to head for the bathroom and it kept getting softer.When I was finished in the bathroom,the erection had fully died down and I went right back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation while still in bed by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,and yes,there were sexual images of men clouding my mind when I gave into this temptation.I was trying to fully wake up as I was still feeling tired from the effects of my medication and oversleeping after the time that I wanted to get up,but slept through the alarm.When I finally did get up,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning and I did feel much better afterwards.I kept up in prayer all day as the temptation to act out kept coming at me.I get tempted to act out mostly by lusting after men via the images that cloud my mind at times and also,to fantasize with those images,which includes the subsequent genital manipulation to get them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though ejaculation happens at times while I am doing this unclean and impure habit.I was tempted to do that throughout the day and I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and asked God in his son Christ Jesus' name to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations and after the prayer,I felt better and much stronger as the temptation was reduced to nil.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that particular temptation comes around,I willfully choose to stay home rather than feed it,as acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me any true positive benefits,but will only make me yearn for more and more.It also will not fulfill the same sex emotional needs that I need to have fulfilled in an affirming and authentic way,which is by positive relationships with other men and also,relating,identifying and connecting with them in a healthy and authentic Christian way,which is all that I truly want and so desperately need.While I have been keeping up in prayer,I am also again that you keep up in prayer for me and also,to please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I ask these things because both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA and to continue in my journey to heal from the unnatural sexual desires connected with SSA.Please keep up in prayer for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have my usual spirituality group and lunch later at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded to carry on with the rest of the day.
The first thing that I did was that I stopped at the mental health clinic at the local hospital to pick up the paperwork that I dropped off yesterday to be signed by the nurse practitioner and my therapist and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I stopped at the drug store to pick up a prescription and after paying the co-pay on it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.I also made a few important phone calls that needed to be made.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It is never an easy thing to deal with as I am always on an up and down thing in regards to my emotions and/or moods.I never know how my mood will be from day to day or minute/moment to minute/moment.I can be up and feeling good one day or minute/moment and/or down and feeling not so good the next day or minute/moment.Aside from having BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD even more difficult.I also have to put with hearing things that others around me can't hear,such as hearing footsteps,voices calling out my name and facing up to the reality that there is nobody there physically and feeling down at times as a result of all of those hallucinatory effects and symptoms of schizophrenia and when combined with the up and down emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,it can get pretty tiresome and make me emotionally drained.I am still attending my sessions with my therapist and I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.While I do get tempted to masturbate throughout the day every day,it is when I get these wee early morning hour throbbing erections that really make the temptation to masturbate really overwhelming at times,including this wee early morning,sexual images of men can cloud my mind and make it very difficult to resist.I tried to toss and turn,but it only made the erection throb more.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,so I got up and headed over to the bathroom and while walking there,though it was slow in doing so,the erection started to soften and after the few minutes that I spent in the bathroom,my genitals were fully soft and when I was finished,I headed back to bed and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a couple of later temptations while trying to fully wake up.The first was when I was still in bed and I started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping and yes,sexual images of men were clouding my mind,with the other one happening when I did get up and was sitting down in a chair,and yes at both instances,sexual images of men clouded my mind,which motivated the giving in to this particular temptation.I managed to stop myself and I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into these two temptations and I really prayed hard and asked for God's mercy in my giving into these things.I truly believed that I was forgiven for these sins and I went on with the rest of the day.Throughout the day,I was still getting tempted to indulge in sinful activity surrounding SSA.I was tempted to indulge in fantasies and to masturbate to these fantasies.I was tempted to lust repeatedly throughout the day and I had to keep up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I repeatedly asked for strength to help me fight and resist these terrible temptations and I always felt better after praying as the temptations were reduced to nil.I kept at it throughout the day as I do get tempted to indulge in anything sinful and I really had to ask God for strength in fighting and resisting.While I am still doing that,I am again asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read the posts to continue in prayer for me as I am going through all of this.Please continue in prayer for me and also,please don't be shy by leaving an encouraging word or two in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but rarely leave comments in the comments section.Please don't be afraid to leave anything encouraging to me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA.Thanks in in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,there will be another dinner at my church,which is the only thing that I have planned.I really have nothing else planned for the rest of the day.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to the mental health clinic over at the local hospital to get some papers signed.After that,I headed over to see how a friend of mine was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money to pay a bill tomorrow and after that,I headed over to a nearby gas station to get some gas and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.I also made a phone call to an organization that I am hoping to hook up with in the near future.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.There are times that I wish that I didn't have to go through this,but I know that this is a wish that will never come true,so I continue in my daily battle and struggle with it.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult,because I also have to put up with hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia alongside the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me whenever this particular struggle can get tiresome and monotonous.It also shows that I am not nor ever will be alone in this particular struggle.Thanks in advance to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this particular temptation.I sat up for a while and though it was pretty slow,the erection started to soften and I proceeded to get out of bed to use the bathroom and when I was finished,the erection had now fully died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation after getting up by manipulating my genitals to sexual images of men that were clouding my mind.I must admit that the manipulation of my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though ejaculation does happen on occasion as a result of me doing this and yes,it is always to sexual images of men when I am doing this.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for this sin and I immediately felt better as I truly believed that I was forgiven and I moved on.I was still tempted to do these things throughout the day and when the temptations came around again,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations that came at me.I always felt better after doing that as the temptations were reduced to nil.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I willfully choose to stay home whenever that temptation hits as I don't want to act out on these unnatural desires that I have that are connected with SSA.It is because that I know that acting out sexually will never give me what I truly want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation that I truly need and want.I am again asking for prayers by everyone who continue to follow my blog and read the posts that I post here.I am also asking that you please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Please continue praying for me and also,please don't be shy by leaving an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight against SSA and make me even more determined to continue in my journey of overcoming this terrible aforementioned SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.I also had the opportunity today to do a reading from the Holy Bible in front of the congregation and I received many positive accolades from my reading as many of my fellow worshipers said that I did a wonderful job reading.After some wonderful fellowship with the members,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed out of my suit and into my casual clothes and headed out to the local Super Wal-Mart to do some grocery shopping.I also managed to have a light lunch at Burger King before that.After I was done at Wal-Mart,I headed over to a local hardware store to pick up a small tube of Krazy Glue.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a pack of cookies and after paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the cookies away and I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day as for me,going to church every Sunday makes the day eventful.I always look forward to church each and every Sunday.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride,which can get pretty tiresome and monotonous at times.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next.I can be up and feeling good one day/one minute/moment and down the next day/minute/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that is wonderful and it shows that God and his son Jesus Christ are there helping me get through all of this rigamarole of having BPD/Schizophrenia combination.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.It was a really overwhelming temptation as well.I had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I sat up and started to get out of bed and the erection started to soften.I didn't lay back down until my genitals were fully soft and when they were,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to act out on these unnatural desires that I have by masturbation,fantasies and/or lusting after other men and also,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.I fought these urges by throwing each temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I asked for strength to fight and resist these terrible temptations and I felt much better and stronger as a result of me doing that.I am again asking that all of you continue to pray for me as I am going through this difficult emotional struggle and also,I also ask that none of you who visit be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA.My blog does get visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave an encouraging comment or two.Please don't be shy.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Please also continue to keep up in prayer for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed quickly and I headed over to my monthly Men's Network meeting,which was the first that I had attended since December.
The meeting went well and I did get quite a bit out of it.After the meeting was over,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas and after that,I headed over to a nearby post office to mail out an important payment.After that was done,I did a little bit of shopping at a nearby Salvation Army thrift store and a nearby Dollar Tree store.After doing all of that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Sears store to make yet another important payment.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and had a light lunch and after lunch.I did my personal PC work.I relaxed and enjoyed a little TV after that was done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.At times,this constant emotional roller coaster ride can seem unbearable as it can be pretty monotonous.At times,I am up and feeling good,while at other times,down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone here when it comes to this particular struggle and that is good.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning by masturbating to sexual images of men.I started to manipulate my genitals while these images clouded my mind and when I was about to ejaculate,I masturbated the rest of the way until I ejaculated.After washing my hands,I immediately asked God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ as I felt really terrible for sinning against God in this way and I felt better after praying for the forgiveness as I truly believe that I am forgiven for my sins.I kept up in prayer all day to God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and I prayed hard for strength to fight and resist all of the temptations that came at me.I kept it up as I didn't want to sin again like I did early this morning.I kept up asking God for that strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I didn't cease praying.I always felt better after praying and the feeling that I got was an excellent feeling.I am also again asking that everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts to keep up praying for me.I also ask that all of you leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as well.It is just that my blog gets quite a few visitors,but the visitors rarely leave any encouraging words for me in the comments section.I would appreciate a kind word or two in the comments section that is also very encouraging.It is that both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA.Please keep up in prayer for me and also,don't be shy by leaving an encouraging word or two for me as well.Thanks in advance to all of my followers for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual,including the morning's Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I got up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money and after I was done doing that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I had a light lunch and after that,I registered all of the bills that I had at the Where's George site?After that was done,I headed back out.
I first went to pay off a debt that I owed someone and after that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day or at times,by the minute/moment.It can get pretty monotonous at times.Aside from the ups and downs of BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this struggle,or any other struggle that I have and that is wonderful.God does help in many ways and it is great that he doesn't let me suffer alone.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection,though it didn't last long.I tossed and turned,but it only got harder.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom and I got up and went to the bathroom.As I was on the way to the bathroom,the erection started to soften and when I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping and yes,sexual images of men crept up into my mind as I gave into this particular temptation.When I got out of bed,I sat down and immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning.I was also tempted throughout the day as the terrible temptations kept trying to overwhelm me.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and asked God in his son Christ Jesus' name to give me the strength to fight and resist all of these temptations as I didn't want to sin against God in any way,shape or form.I kept up praying and praying all day and I did feel better after doing so.I am again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog.Please keep up in prayer for me and please don't be afraid to leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets lots of visitors and curiosity seekers,but they usually don't leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA and the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with it.Please keep up in prayer for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for the weekend,I have a Men's Network meeting tomorrow morning and I have church on Sunday,including the morning's Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.As for the rest of the weekend,I haven't gotten much planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward and onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda.
The first thing that I did was to attend my usual Thursday spirituality group,which went as well as expected.After that was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch and after that,I headed over to my case worker's office to talk with her about some things and after that was over,I headed over to a friend's place to see how they were doing and after spending some time with him,I headed over to a local garage to get the oil changed,which was long overdue.After that,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas and after that was done,I headed for home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and finished my personal PC work.After that,I took it easy for a short spell.
I only made one more trip out before calling it a day.I went over to a local Subway to pick up a submarine sandwich.I headed straight home and that was my dinner for tonight.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward and onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be as this emotional roller coaster ride is pretty unpredictable.I can be up and feeling good one day/minute/moment and down the next day/minute/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus more whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my energy when this happened as it was very overwhelming.I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed,which made the erection soften and I didn't lay back down until the erection was fully soft and the temptation to indulge in masturbation had faded.I went back to sleep and slept until it was time for me to really get up.Though I escaped this episode,I was still tempted throughout the day to indulge in masturbation and also,to indulge in lustful fantasies to sexual images of men alongside the temptation to masturbate.I prayed all day to God in the name of of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resit all of the temptations that came at me and after each prayer,I felt better as I knew that God and Christ both heard me.I kept it up all day without ceasing and felt good after doing so.I am again asking for prayers by everyone who follow my blog and that they keep it up for me.I could really use prayers right now as temptation is really trying to get the better of me.Please continue praying for me and also,don't be shy and please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets plenty of visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave a comment of two.Please don't be shy.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome SSA.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
I have only one thing planned for tomorrow.I have to drop something off at my therapist's office for her and the nurse practitioner to sign so I can have an orientation meeting to get in with another organization to help me find work.As for the rest of the day,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I got out of bed in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I had a light lunch when I was done with that.After lunch,I finished my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a couple of things planned.
After bring the recycling bin from the curb,I decided to head to a local Dollar tree store to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed by listening to an online sermon and after that was finished,I decided to get ready for the church dinner tonight.When the time came for me to go,I headed there.
The dinner was as wonderful as last week's initial dinner.We also watched another portion of the educational video regarding the impact that the Jewish Passover has had on both the world and most importantly,the Christian Church.After the dinner was over and also,after talking with the pastor over something,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into my pajamas and relaxed.Overall,a very good and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD,it's symptoms and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It can be very tiresome and monotonous going through this emotional roller coaster ride daily,or by the minute/moment at times within the same day.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I fell this morning while still in bed trying to wake up and get up by manipulating my genitals to some fantasies and lusting after other men and I wound up ejaculating as a result of indulging in this unclean practice.I got up to wash my hands and after I was done doing that,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for the fall and I also begged for God to have mercy on me as lately,my mind is being clouded by sexual images of other men.No,it isn't men that I know personally,but images of men that I have seen nude in magazines and/or online.While I haven't looked at any pics of nude men,or anything pornographic in the "Gay" sense in a long time,these images are simply ones that I have looked at in the past and at times,they come back to cloud my mind.I also know that Satan and his minions are responsible for this as well.I really need to start working really hard at asking God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to help me fight and resist acting out to these images.It seems that they don't want to leave me alone.I now know that this is when I really need God's help in this.I really need to buckle down and tell these images,in a psychological way,to go away and also,I really need to get up out of bed when I sense some awakened time in the early morning hours,because that is when these things start to strike,in the wee early morning hours.I also need to lean some self control.Still,throughout the day,I did ask God in his son Christ Jesus' name to help keep me strong in this fight and to get me through every temptation that came at me throughout the day.I did this to show God and his son Christ Jesus that I really mean it that I want to seriously heal from these unnatural desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.I also want to show God and Christ that I am also really sorry when I fall short.I also again ask that all of you continue in prayer for me and also,don't be shy and please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section,as both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and also,make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA.It is just that my blog gets quite a few visitors and onlookers,but they rarely leave an encouraging comment in the comments section,which I would really appreciate.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and also,lunch at a local kitchen after that.I also have an appointment to meet with my case worker after lunch.As for the rest of the day,I just might stay home and take it easy.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a couple of things planned.
I first went over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things and after paying for those,I decided to drop off a few free newspapers for a few people that I know in the area and after that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I decided to relax and watch a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or,one minute/moment to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his Christ Jesus whenever this struggle seems to be dragging me down and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better knowing that they are there.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to indulge in masturbation in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection,though like yesterday morning,it didn't last very long.I sat up for a while and I didn't lay back down until the erection softened and it did take a while for it to do so.When it was finally soft,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation to manipulate my genitals while still in bed trying to wake up and be fully awake,and yes,there were lustful and sexual images of men creeping into my mind while doing so.I stopped this and after getting out of bed,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him by doing this unclean thing.Though I know that this doesn't excuse nor justify this sinning,I was still tired and still in bed trying to fully wake up and all of those nasty lustful and sexual images of men crept up into my mind and it subsequently led me to start manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or near the point of orgasm and stopping,but I did stop myself and as stated,I asked God in the name of Jesus Christ to forgive me for that particular fall.Throughout the day,I was tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have from all sides.I had to really keep up in prayer to God in the name of Jesus Christ and I kept asking for strength to fight and resist all of these temptations that were coming at me.I prayed real hard and each time I finished praying,I felt better as I knew that God and Christ both heard me and I would move on with the rest of my day.At times,I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of hoping to hook up with one and indulge in sinful sexual activity with them,but I willfully choose to stay home whenever that particular temptation comes around.I also pray that I don't fall into temptation in other various ways,such as looking at porn and/or drifting off into fantasies and lusting.Without God,I wouldn't get anywhere and I would be still stuck in the SSA trap and each night before going to bed,I continually say thanks to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ for setting me free from the trap of SSA.Though I am keeping up in prayer to God in the name of his son Christ Jesus,I am also again asking all of you who continually visit my blog and read the posts that I write here to keep up in prayer for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time.Please continue in prayer for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging comment or two in the comments section.It is just that my blog does get a lot of visitors,but they usually don't leave any encouraging words for me in the comments section.Why don't they ever leave anything encouraging for me in the comments section?They visit,but don't leave anything in the comments section that could encourage me to continue in this fight against this terrible SSA.Again,please don't hesitate to leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section and also,please continue praying for me as well.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and words of encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,the only thing that I have planned is an evening dinner over at my church,which will be happening every Wednesday night until March 20th.As for the most of the day,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Today,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as i had only a couple things on my agenda for today.
I first stopped at a local gas station to get some gas and after that was done,I headed over to the public library to print something important out of my e-mail.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and simply watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minuet/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I have nothing to fear nor worry about and that is good and relying more on God and Christ makes me feel a tad better as they help beyond what any human therapy can do.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep,though it didn't last very long.I sat up for a while and as I started sitting up,the erection started to soften and I laid back down and back to sleep when my genitals were soft enough for me to do so.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,and yes,there was lusting and fantasies involved.The root cause of this was because I had just gotten up out of bed and I was still feeling tired and drowsy as a result of a side effect from the psychiatric medication that I take as directed and when I am tired or drowsy,sexual images of men can creep up into my mind and I get the urge to play with my genitals as a way of fantasizing with those images and near/full erections happen and orgasm follows right behind that.I immediately stopped this and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for falling short and I did feel better after doing so.Apparently,Satan and his minions are trying real hard to get me to reconsider returning to that sinful sexual lifestyle know as the so called "Gay" lifestyle and I willfully refuse to give the devil what he wants.Satan is using everything in his own power to get me to go against God's perfect law,which is the Holy Bible,and sin for the heck of it.Again,I willfully refuse to do that.Throughout the day,I kept up in prayer to God and asked him in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to fight and resist these temptations as each and every time you resist any temptation,they keep coming back stronger than the last time.The more resistance one puts up,the more stronger the temptations come back.It is always a difficult struggle to do what is right in the eyes of God,but it can be done with his help if it is asked by the individual who struggles with anything that is sinful and is trying their best to try and please God,though there will be failures along the way.While I am keeping up in prayer,I am also again asking that everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts to continue praying for me as I am going through all of this and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I really need prayers and encouraging words and I ask that you please pray and leave something encouraging for me in the comments section.I simply refuse to let the unnatural desires that I have that are connected to SSA define nor dictate to me how I will be as a person.I refuse to accept no other identity,other than the true identity that I am,which is male/man and that I am human,which is all that I accept about myself.I refuse to accept the identity of Homosexual/Gay as there is no such thing as a Homosexual/Gay person,just the Homosexual condition.Please keep up in prayer for me and also,please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA condition.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and Christ Jesus for being there for me in this fight and for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my case worker.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.\
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I immediately got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Big Lots to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple more things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight and stayed home for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my home suit.After hanging up my dress clothes,I put the stuff that I bought away and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I relaxed and listened to a little bit of music.I also managed to watch a couple of DVD's as well.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day,as for me,going to church on Sunday makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes alongside it.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next.It is always an up and down thing for me and that can be tiresome as well as monotonous for me at times.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows me that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that I have nothing to worry about or fear.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I had to use all of my own strength to fight and resist this overwhelming urge.I tossed and turned,but the erection still continues to throb.I sat up and I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,I headed for there and the erection started to soften.After finishing in the bathroom,my genitals were now fully soft and I went right back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in sexual fantasies and lusting after other men and also,to manipulate my genitals while doing that.When these temptations came around,I prayed real hard for God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist all of these temptations that came at me from all sides.I prayed hard and kept praying until the temptations were reduced to nil and I would move on with the rest of the day.It is really difficult struggling with this terrible SSA.I am always in a daily battle with these unnatural sexual desires that I have and it is always a difficult battle that is fought.I get tempted to act out all the time and whenever these temptations seemingly get way too overwhelming,I go to God in prayer and ask him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to give me the strength to fight and resist these overwhelming urges.I am also learning on my own that the urges get stronger the more that they are resisted.It shoes that Satan is working hard to get me to go against God's perfect law in regards to sexuality and that can be really difficult to resist.I am also learning that it is much easier to give into any type of temptation as opposed to resisting the temptations.But again,I kept up in prayer to God all day and I didn't cease.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than give into that type of temptation.Why?It is because that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I truly want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go along with that affirmation.It will also make me feeling even more empty and yearning for more as the fulfillment is only temporary.But aside from that type of temptation,I am still getting tempted to act out by lusting,fantasies and by manipulating my genitals to get them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though orgasm does happen when I do that.I had to continue in my fight and keep asking God in the name of his son Christ Jesus for strength to fight and resist all of these temptations.While I am still keeping up in prayer,I am still continuing to ask that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to continue praying for me as I am going through all of this and also,to please not be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.My blog does get visitors,but I rarely get any comments and/or encouraging words in the comments section.Both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA.Please don't be shy when visiting and reading my blog and please leave an encouraging word or two for me and also,please continue in prayer for me as I am in so desperate need of prayer.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first decided to pick up a prescription of mine from the drug store and after paying the co-pay for it,I decided to stop in and see how a friend of mine was doing.I hadn't heard from this friend in over a month and was really concerned about him.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Salvation Army thrift store to buy a few things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I am always on this constant ride that can get monotonous day after day and/or minute/moment to minute/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with hallucinatory symptoms of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone in this particular struggle and that is great.It also shows that God and Christ Jesus are there to help lead the way and try to make me feel more a little at ease.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I tossed and turned,but the erection stayed hard and throbbed even more.I sat up and proceeded to get out of my bed and that is when the erection started to soften.I didn't lay back down again until the erection had fully died down and when it did,though it took a little longer for it to soften than usual,I simply got back into bed and right back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping and yes,lustful thoughts and sexual images of men also crept up into my mind while I was doing this.I stopped and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for these sinful things that I did and I truly believed that I was forgiven as I felt better after praying.I am learning day after day that the SSA struggle is a very difficult one indeed.I am always craving sex with other men and at times,lustful thoughts and sexual images of men creep up into my mind.When these things happen,I continually keep in mind that these cravings reveal a need that is emotional and not sexual.It is basically same sex emotional needs that need to be fulfilled authentically with positive male to male contact and having positive,authentic and healthy relationships with other men in a healthy Christian way and not in a sexual way.Day after day,I still get baloney from those who are active in that sinful sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle,such as "Being 'Gay' is NOT a lifestyle choice", "being 'Gay' is who you are and what you are and nothing can be done about it", "you're 'Born this way' and that's that", with the worst being "God made you 'Gay" for a reason and that sexual activity between two members of the same gender isn't as sinful as it made up to be."But fellow followers and readers,I know that these are all lies made up by men under the influence of Satan,the Devil as Satan wants those who have unnatural sexual desires for members of their own gender to simply go out,live it up and celebrate the "fact" that you are "Gay" and have as much sex as you want to.I know that Satan is out there waiting to devour people and make them turn against the true God,his church and also,his own only begotten son Jesus Christ and to simply ignore what the Holy Bible says as it is simply a mere book of fantasy stories written by different men with very wild imaginations.I hear all of that all of the time and at times,I wish that I didn't hear it so much.I know that the sexual activity between two members of the same gender is wrong and sinful as the Holy Bible,which is God's inspired word and perfect law,says that it is.These things that are written in the Holy Bible were written down for a reason.It was to protect us from the sinful world that is under the influence of Satan and where people are indulging in all the sinful sexual activity,including,but not limited to,the sexual activity between two members of the same gender,that the world offers and all other sorts of sinful activity.I also have to continually keep in mind that indulging in sinful sexual activity with another man is never going to get me what I truly want and truly need,which is affirmation of my gender identity,feelings of authenticity of being accepted by other men despite my faults and struggle and also,to feel like one of the guys and also,to feel like a man,as that type of sexual activity will only reinforce the so called "Gay" identity,which is the identity that I refuse to identify myself with.These unnatural sexual desires that I have are simply indications of deeper emotional needs that I have that need to be fulfilled in a healthy and authentic way and not sexual.While I do have these unnatural desires that are connected with SSA,I know that I have the choice whether or not that I want to act out on them and I am simply willfully choosing not to act out on them.Of course,that choice isn't easy to make as it is easier to choose to indulge in all that sinful sexual activity that the so called "Gay" lifestyle offers,but I look at it this way,I am not pleasing men by making that choice.I am simply pleasing God and showing that I truly accept his perfect law,the truth of his sacred word,the Holy Bible,and his true and real purposes in regards to how we are to act as his servants and also,accept his perfect laws in regards to sexuality.Admittedly,that choice isn't easy to make,but that choice does bring many rewards by God and Christ in the long run.I also would like to say again that the only identity that I accept is that I am a male and a man and aside from being a human being,I refuse to accept anything else other than that.I have disowned the "Gay" identity as I refuse to let the unnatural desires that I have define nor dictate to me how I will be or act.I have kept up in prayer all day whenever any temptations come at me and I ask for strength from God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to fight and resist all temptations as they came at me.Though I continue to do that,I am again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts regularly and also,I once again ask that you leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section as both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and also,they both make me even more determined to continue in my journey in overcoming this terrible SSA.It is just that my blog gets many visitors,but the visitors usually don't leave any encouraging comments or two.Please don't be shy and make my day by leaving an encouraging word or two in the comments section and also,please continue praying for me as well.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouraging words.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that give and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church in the morning,I have really nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC and got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went over to a local garage to make an appointment to have an oil change done on my car and after that,I was hoping to head over to a friend's house to see how he was doing as I hadn't heard from him in over a month,but the snowfall and the sleet that we were having forced me to stay close to home and I decided to pay him a visit tomorrow instead.I decided to go to a local Burger King to have lunch and after I was done eating that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something I really needed and after paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I decided to fold up all of my laundry that was done early in the week.After that was done,I put it away in it's proper place and I relaxed for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride and at times,this ride can get pretty tiresome and monotonous.Aside from that struggle,I also struggle with schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and ask them for help in dealing with these things rightly and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone here and that is very good.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this particular temptation as it was very overwhelming.I tossed and turned,but the erection wouldn't soften.I sat up for a while and took really deep breaths to try and resist,but that also didn't work as the erection continued to throb even more aggressively.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom and I got up to walk to the bathroom and while on the way there,the erection started to soften and after I was finished,my genitals were fully flaccid and I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was still tempted throughout the day and as the temptations came at me,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ in prayer to give me the strength to fight and resist all the temptations that were coming at me.I prayed very hard to ask for that strength and I always felt better each time I prayed and I moved on with the rest of the day.Last night,after doing some recommended Holy Bible reading,I prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ regarding the anger issues that I had and I really opened up about them and openly expressed myself about them to God and asked him for strength to help me let go of the anger that I was feeling and also,asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive those who had made me angry in my life and I felt like a one trillion ton weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.I sensed that the anger issues that I was having and the feelings alongside them were why I was falling so much into masturbation and also,by fantasies and lusting alongside the masturbatory falls.Today,I was tempted again and I again prayed to God in the name of his son Christ Jesus for strength to continue fighting and resisting all the temptations that came at me and I always felt better when I did so.Though I am continuing to pray daily,I am also again asking for prayers by each and everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts.I am also asking that you don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section when you visit.It is just that my blog gets a lot of visitors,but rarely leave any encouraging comments.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section and keep up in prayer for me as both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and also for being there for me whenever I really need them.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as as I had several things planned.
I first went to my Thursday morning spirituality group and it was a wonderful discussion.After the group was over,the agency provided a free pizza lunch and after I ate that,I headed straight home.
When I gt home,I dropped my bible off at home,packed away some money that I needed to pay a bill that I needed to send out and I left the house again to go to my therapist's office.
The session with my therapist went great and after that was over,I headed over to the post office to mail out an important bill that needed to be paid and after that,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after visiting with him for a few minutes,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.I also made several phone calls that I had to make and after that,I continued taking it easy.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I finished my personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle with BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from day to day,or at times,from minute/moment to minute/moment.They vary from being up and feeling good and/or down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same times and I hear things that others don't hear,such as footsteps,a voice calling my name and when I turn around,there is nobody there.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggles of BPD/Schizophrenia seemingly get way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever I feel that it is getting too much and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone in this struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do to help me get through this particular struggle.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming temptation.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom and I got up and went there and as I was heading for there,the erection softened and when I was finished using the bathroom.my genitals were fully softened and I went right back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was still tempted throughout the day to indulge in lusting,fantasies and to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.Yes,sexual images of men started to creep up into my mind.I prayed real hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I asked for strength to help me fight and resist these temptations and after I was finished praying each time,I felt better and stronger as I truly believed and felt that God and his son Christ Jesus heard me and they helped me fight and resist each temptation that came at me.These temptations can come around when least expected and I have to be ready when they do come.I am also again asking for prayers from everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts and also,I am again asking that you leave a positive encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.Please continue in prayer for me and also,don't be shy and please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your positive encouragement.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a couple of things planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money for myself and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered the bill that I withdrew at the Where's George site and after that,I relaxed for a while.Before my relaxation,I paid a bill over the phone and was glad to have gotten that out of the way.
Today,I went to a special dinner over at the church,which gave me a break from cooking.I have been looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm as this was a time for fellowship and spiritual reflection.
The dinner was wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with some of the people that were there,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and read some recommended passages from the Holy Bible.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It is never an easy thing to deal with.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment.It can be monotonous putting up with this emotional roller coaster ride constantly and at times,I wish that I didn't have to go through it.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles and my SSA struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I throw it on God and ask him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to get me through any of the negatives that happen and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this struggle and that is great.I simply just put it in the hands of both God and his son Jesus Christ and they lead the way.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide as they provide power beyond what any human therapy can give.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation for the second consecutive time this week as I masturbated to sexual images of men in the wee early morning hours as I also had a throbbing erection alongside all of that.When that happens,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that fall and at the same time,asked God to show me his mercy as this was my second consecutive fall.I felt better after praying as I truly believe that God through his son Christ Jesus has forgiven me.Yes,I do truly believe that I was forgiven and I kept at it with praying through the day as I had temptations coming at me from all sides.I really had to pray hard and believe me,it isn't an easy thing to do when battling all sorts of temptations.It is easier to give into the temptations than it is to pray and ask for strength to fight and resist them.The only thing that I can't figure out is why I am falling so much.As stated,this was the second consecutive fall and I really don't know what the problem might be.I haven't looked at and/or watched any porn lately nor have I looked lustfully at anyone male or even female.I guess that it is because I am still feeling intense anger for some people and that is probably why I am falling quite a bit.I really need to learn to let go of this anger and continue in my healing process from SSA.I am not going to really heal unless I let go and sever all my angry feelings towards people who have hurt me in the past.I also have to learn to let go of the past and move on into the future.While I am going through all of this,I am still needing of prayerful support from all of you who follow my blog and read my posts.I also ask that you leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Please don't be shy and leave me an encouraging comment or two.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.The more that I can get,the better that I will be.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have my usual spirituality group and lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,though still a little rough.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda.
I had to pick up a few newspapers and drop them off at a few people's houses that I knew and after that was done,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After paying for those things,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and I relaxed for a while and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward and yes,the road is a little rough,I am still on my daily battle and struggle with BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never how I will be emotionally or mood wise from day to day,or at times,from minute/moment to minute/moment.While having BPD is bad enough,I also have to struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that really makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too difficult and/or way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am never alone and that it is also wonderful that they are there to help me whenever I need them for help.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning by masturbating and yes,sexual images of men crept up into my mind,which was the root cause of this fall.After the fall,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I did feel better as I truly believed that I am forgiven for that fall.Throughout the day,I kept up in prayer to God as the temptations kept coming at me.They were attacking me at all sides and I had to really pray hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ as I didn't want to fall again.I kept it up and asked God for strength to fight and resist all of these temptations in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I felt better as the temptations were reduced to nil.I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to continue praying for me as I am going through this complex emotional time.Please also leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as well.It is just that my blog does get visitors,but rarely leave an encouraging comment or two for me.Please don't be shy.If you have something to say that can/could benefit me,please leave it in the comments section.Again,please don't be shy.Please also continue in prayer for me as both your prayers and encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA and also,I probably wouldn't fall as much if you did leave an encouraging word or two for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your positive encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do for me.
Tomorrow,there will be a special dinner at my church and I am going to attend that,which is the only thing that I have planned.As for much of the day beforehand,I have nothing else planned,but I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,though it has been pretty rough here and there.I had a pretty good day today,
Today,I showered after waking up in the mid morning and after breakfast and coffee,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things on my agenda.I first went to my sister's house to pick up my laundry and after bagging it,I headed for home to drop it off and headed to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up another thing that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,the road has been pretty rough.The constant daily struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride can be a chore.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,although it also varies by the minute/moment in the same day at times.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with hearing things,such as footsteps,voices calling my name,including various other noises and there is usually nobody around when I look to see who it might be.It can get pretty monotonous at times and also,I at times wish that I didn't have to go through or struggle with any of these things.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply continue talking about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better as they are there leading the way and letting me know,in their own way,I have nothing to worry about.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came again in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection and this time,the temptation was more overwhelming than yesterday.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming urge.At the same time,I sensed that I had to use the bathroom.I got out of bed and I headed for there and as I walked to the bathroom,the erection started to soften and when I was finished in the bathroom,the erection had fully softened and I felt better.I simply went back to bed and back to sleep after that.Though I escaped this episode,I was once again tempted throughout the day to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and I had to really fight to resist them all.Each and every time that I don't give into any temptation,the temptations get stronger and more overwhelming and I really have to continuously fight to resist them all.It gets even more difficult each time.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ all through the day and I asked God for strength to fight and resist every temptation that came at me.I prayed and prayed real hard and each time that I prayed,I felt better and stronger as the temptations were reduced to nil each time.It also showed me that God and Christ were there each time and they heard me.They gave me the strength to fight and resist all of these terrible temptations.While I am going to continue keeping up in prayer,I am also again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to also continue in prayer for me and also to leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.My blog does get visitors,but they usually don't leave a comment or two for me as a means of helping me keep going in this fight against this terrible SSA.Don't be shy.If you visit my blog,don't be afraid to leave an encouraging word or two for me.I will approve the comments if they are positive and encouraging to me when it comes to fighting SSA and resisting all of the terrible temptations associated with it.It can be an upbuilding comment with a scripture of two or simply something to encourage me to continue in this fight unabated.Also,please continue in prayer for me as well.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and headed for church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out out of my suit and into some casual clothes.I did my personal PC work and I also had a light lunch before finally getting around to doing what I had to do.
I packed all of my laundry in a bag so I could do all of my laundry at my sister's house.Before heading there,I stopped at a local bargain outlet store to pick up a few things.After that,I headed straight for my sister's house to get my laundry done,which took about an hour to do.After it was finished washing,I put all of the clean,but wet,clothes in the dryer and headed back home.Before that,I headed over to the drug store to pick up a couple of prescriptions.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and relaxed for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day,as for me,going to church on Sunday morning's always makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.Today,my emotions are pretty positive at the moment,but that can change as the day progresses,though I hope that it doesn't.It can also change the next day,though,again,I hope that it doesn't.I simply can't anticipate how my moods and/or emotions will be.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I usually feel a tad better after praying about this particular struggle.It also shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that is good.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being there and for everything that they do in helping me get through this particular struggle.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.This was another overwhelming urge and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was a really strong one.I sat up for a while and kept up fighting the urge as this urge was really strong.It took a few minutes,but the erection did slowly soften.I went back to sleep after my genitals were fully soft.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted to act out by many means throughout the day and I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ as they came at me from all sides.The temptations vary by the day and/or by the minute.I get tempted to fantasize and lust after other men and also,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though ejaculation does happen at times when I do that.At times,I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I willfully choose to stay home when that particular temptation comes around,as acting out in that way will never give me what I want and need.That will only give me a temporary fix,but when it's over,the same old negative vibes come back and I am back where I was before.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I kept asking for strength to fight and resist all of those temptations that came at me and I felt much better after praying as I knew that God and Christ both heard me and were there to give me that strength.While I am still keeping up in prayer,I am also asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read the posts to keep up in prayer for me and also,to please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section. It is because both your prayers and encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.Again,please continue in prayer for me and also,leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,since it is a holiday,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ