Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I got dressed and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work.I also proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I really didn't have too much to do.I simply ran a small errand that needed to be run and after that was finished,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also managed to pop a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or sometimes,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this struggle and that is wonderful.It also makes me feel a tad better as a result.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection,though it didn't last very long.I sat up in bed and proceeded to get out of it and the erection started to soften as I did that.When my genitals were fully soft,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies and lusting after other men and also,to manipulate my genitalia while these temptations were coming at me from all sides.I prayed hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever these temptations tried to get the better of me.I asked God to give me the strength to fight and resist all of these terrible temptations as they coming at me and I felt better each time after doing so.I felt stronger and I also felt that God was there listening to me and that he really wanted to help me.I am also again asking for prayers and encouraging words by everyone who follows my blog and reads the posts.I get many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rare.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me and also,please continue in prayer for me.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA and to also continue in my healing journey from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with the SSA condition.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I will be attending church for the Easter breakfast in the church's fellowship hall and the worship service following that.I am also going to my nephew's house for dinner.When that is all done,I am just going to go home and take it easy and watch a movie or two.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work and I proceeded with the rest of the day.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I simply hung out at home for most of the day.I used this opportunity to catch up on some much needed stuff that had to get done.
After my personal PC work was done,I folded up all of my laundry and put everything in their proper places.I also cleaned up around the house here and there and I relaxed for much of the day.I also had a light lunch after the laundry was all folded.I also managed to watch a DVD or two in between all of this.
After eating a light dinner,I got dressed up and headed for church for the Good Friday service.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The Good Friday service was wonderful.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put my pajamas on and I relaxed for a while before turning in for the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It is a constant tiresome ride as my moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or sometimes,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply throw anything on God and ask him for help in enduring this in the name of his son Christ Jesus and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle with this psychiatric disability that I have and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I tossed and turned,but the erection throbbed even more.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,so I got up and headed for the bathroom and the erection started to soften as I was heading for there.After I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went right back to bed and to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation,which was genital manipulation to lustful and sexual images of men after I had fully gotten up and sat down for a while before showering.I was still tired and drowsy and that was what made the images of men cloud my mind and make me give into this temptation and yes,I was near erect and I almost reached orgasm,but managed to stop myself and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into that particular temptation and I did feel better as I truly believed that I was truly forgiven and that my sins were truly forgotten by God and Christ.I was still tempted throughout the day to act out by these same aforementioned things and I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever the temptations kept coming at me.I prayed real hard for strength to fight and resist these temptations and I always felt better after praying.It showed me that God heard me and he was helping me.Though I have been doing this,I am still asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads the posts.Please continue praying for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely,if ever,leave any comments.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me.I ask this because both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this struggle against SSA and make me even more determined to continue in my healing journey from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for the weekend,with the exception of Easter church activities,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did 4/5 of my personal PC work.After that,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and the theme was the death of Christ and his subsequent resurrection.
The group went well.After it was over,I headed for a local kitchen to have lunch and after I was finished,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and after calling my sister,I headed over to her house to pick up something and after leaving her house,I headed over to the post office to mail out an important payment.After that,I stopped at a nearby Salvation Army thrift store and picked up a few things.After that,I headed for a local supermarket to turn in some bottles and cans and after collecting the money from that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finished my personal PC work.I also managed to register the bills that I received after turning in the bottles.
After eating a light dinner,I dressed up and I headed for church for the Maundy Thursday Holy Communion worship service and it was a wonderful service.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got into my pajamas and relaxed until it was time for me to go to bed.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or sometimes,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.It struggling with BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I also have to put up with hearing voices and other things that others can't hear,but can only be heard be me.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone when it comes to this struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation for a second consecutive time within a twelve hour period when I again manipulated my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and yes,there was lusting and fantasies involved and this time,I wound up ejaculating.I felt really terrible after falling this time.I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and I really begged for his mercy as this was the second consecutive time.I did feel better after that.I tried to keep busy all day by just going along with the day.I was tempted again and this time,I really prayed hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations as they were coming at me from all sides.I kept up praying as I didn't want to sin again.It isn't an easy struggle this SSA,but I am not giving up.I am going to continue praying to God in the name of his son Christ Jesus as I don't want to sin again.I am also still getting tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that temptation comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than go out and feed that temptation.While I have been praying,I am also again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read the posts to please continue praying for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time and please,don't be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your words of encouragement both help keep me going in this fight against SSA and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to heal from these unwanted unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with the SSA condition.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,with the exception of the Good Friday evening church service,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded with the rest of my day as I had only one thing on my agenda for today.
After everything that I had to do was done at home,I headed out to a local supermarket and I turned in some cans and bottles that had accumulated in my trunk and after doing that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered the money at the Where's George site and after that was done,I relaxed and watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day and I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I have a very unpredictable mood and/or emotional pattern.My moods and/or emotions can be up and good one day/minute/moment or down the next day/minute/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning when I manipulated my genitals with sexual images of men clouding my mind and when I reached orgasm,I masturbated the rest of the way and ejaculated.I felt really crushed as a result of this particular fall and after washing my hands,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for the fall.I did feel better after that as I truly believed that God had forgiven me for that.I was still facing temptation throughout the day to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and I kept up in prayer all day and when I did,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to fight and resist every temptation that came at me.I did feel much stronger after praying and I did feel that God heard me.I am also again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads the posts that I post here almost every day.I am also again asking for encouraging words by all of you as well.My blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rare.Please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this struggle and make me even more determined to continue in overcoming this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouraging words.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have only a couple of things planned.I have my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and church in the evening.As for in between those two things,I haven't got nothing else planned,but I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did 4/5 of my personal PC work and after that was finished,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had only one thing on my agenda for today.I had to go to the local hospital to see the nurse practitioner there to get a follow-up on my blood work that was done yesterday and the tests came back good.There is really nothing wrong with me and everything is in good working order.I did tell her about some urinary problems that I have been having lately and she asked for even more depth in my blood work tests and she said that she should have the results in a few days.Since my blood work came back good,I am thinking that I may have a problem with my prostate gland or maybe it is simply an overactive bladder.After getting my prescriptions,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby gas station to get some gas and after that,I stopped at the drug store to drop off my prescriptions and I asked for them to get a prescription filled for Vitamin D immediately as though the nurse practitioner said that my blood work tests came back good,I still have a deficiency of Vitamin D in my system.They told me that this should be ready by tomorrow.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and finished my personal PC work.Before that,I made an appointment with my general medical doctor and I will be seeing them on the 1st of April.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day and I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone when it comes to this particular struggle and that is great as with them leading the way,I do feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep,though it didn't last long.I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed and the erection,though it was slow going,died down and when it was fully erect,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to engage in fantasies and lusting after other men and also,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping alongside the sexual images that were clouding my mind.I prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist all of this and I felt better after praying to ask God for that.I also felt stronger and I knew that he was there and he heard me.I kept up in prayer all day and I felt better after doing so.I am also again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts as I really could use them now.I am also asking for an encouraging word or two from all of you.I get many visitors and curiosity seekers,but rarely do they leave a comment or two.Please leave me an encouraging word or two as your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome SSA and to continue in my journey to heal from the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I got dressed to go to the local hospital to get some much needed blood work done.
The time went by pretty fast and it only took about a couple of minutes to get it done.After it was all over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I immediately jumped into the shower and cleaned up.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I relaxed for the rest of the day.I simply put a DVD into the DVD player and watched it while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or sometimes,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.With then both leading the way,I have nothing to worry about when any way too overwhelming things happening.I also feel a tad better as a result.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one.I sat up for a while and as I was sitting up,the erection started to soften and when I proceeded to get out of bed,it only softened it more.When my genitals were returned to full softness,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in lusting and fantasies with other men and also to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping with these sexual images on my mind.I had to pray really hard to my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I asked for strength to fight and resist all of these temptations.I kept it up all day as I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in these sinful practices.I always felt better and stronger after praying and that was great.The urge(s)to indulge in anything sinful connected with SSA can be overwhelming.The more resistance that I put up,the more stronger the urge(s)become each and every time.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that particular urge comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed that particular temptation.I also keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have that are connected with SSA will never give me what I truly need and also want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.While I have been keeping up in prayer,I am also continuing to ask that all of you who continue to follow my blog to continue praying for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rarely left.Please leave an encouraging comment for me.It could be in the form of upbuilding me with any scriptures from the Holy Bible or to encourage me to keep fight and praying.I ask these things,which I feel are not too much in and of themselves,because both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome SSA and to continue in my journey to heal from these unwanted unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with the nurse practitioner at the local hospital.As for the rest of the day,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the study class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone after the service,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my regular casual clothes.I immediately did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day as for me,going to church on Sunday mornings always makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary day after day,or at other times,minute/moment after minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that make my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the BPD emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It also shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection,which didn't last very long.I sat up for a while and the erection started to soften as I did.I also proceeded to get up to walk and the erection continued to soften.When it was fully soft,I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was still tempted throughout the day to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and the temptations were really overwhelming.I was tempted to lust after other men and fantasize with the images that were creeping up into my mind,alongside the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping to these sexual images of men.I kept up in prayer to God all day and I asked him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to give me strength to fight and resist these temptations and I felt better and stronger after I did.I am going to work on making this a habit as I don't want to sin nor displease God in any way,shape or form.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I simply and willfully choose to stay home when that particular temptation come around as I continually keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA will never give me what I truly want and also need,which are affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.While I have been keeping up in prayer,I am also asking again that all of you who follow my blog and read the posts to continue praying for me and also,to please don't be shy by leaving an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets quite a few visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments.I only ask these things because both your prayers and your encouraging comments both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue to work on overcoming SSA and also,to heal from the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,the only thing that I have planned is to get some much needed blood work done over at the local hospital.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving unabated.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I got dressed and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and simply proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things on my agenda.I first went to the local K-Mart to pick up a few things and after paying for them,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few more things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty fair day as the some of the weather pattern that we've had for the past few days has continued.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving unabated,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be as I go through each day,or at times,each minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am still continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply bring this to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I ask them both to get me through and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection,though it didn't last long.I sat up and proceeded to walk and the erection softened.After my genitals were fully softened,I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies and lusting with sexual images of men and they were always clouding my mind and the temptation to manipulate my genitals to these things was also coming on strong.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ all day and I asked for strength to fight and resist all of these temptations that were coming at me from all sides.I kept up in prayer as I didn't want to sin nor displease God in any way,shape or form.I want to do the right thing,but the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA want me to do the opposite.I had to stay in prayer all day as the temptations kept coming around as I didn't want to sin nor fall short of God's perfect law.Aside from the temptations to indulge in lusting,fantasies and to manipulate my genitals to get them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping to these images,I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,and admittedly,I do know men out there who indulge in this sort of thing who will let me indulge with them,but when this particular temptation comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home instead of feeding that particular temptation when it comes around.Though I have been keeping up in prayer,I am also again asking that you continue keeping up in prayer for me as I am going through all of this and also,please say an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.My blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rarely left.Please don't be shy and leave an encouraging comment or two for me as both your prayers and your encouraging comments help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA and to continue in my journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance for both your prayers and your encouraging words.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual,including the morning's Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.AS for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded with the rest of the day.
I really didn't have too much on my agenda for today.I only went out to pay a bill that needed to be paid and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
Today,the weather was COLD! and snowy.We are supposed to be in the season of Spring,but it doesn't look nor feel like it.I am hoping that the weather starts to improve real soon.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still dealing and struggling on a daily basis with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I am always in a constant up and down thing when it comes to my emotions and moods.They vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I really share what is going on with this.They both help in sustaining me and make me feel a tad better.I am not alone in this particular struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning when I manipulated my genitals and yes,there was fantasies and lusting involved in it as well.I actually ejaculated to that and I really felt miserable after doing that.After cleaning my hands,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him by doing this and after I was finished,I felt better as I truly believed that I was forgiven.Throughout the day,I was tempted repeatedly and I really had to make the difficult move to ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist every temptation that came at me as they were coming at me from all sides.I kept up in prayer as I didn't want to sin again like I did earlier this morning.I kept asking God for strength to fight and resist every temptation that came at me as again,I didn't want to sin again.I felt better after doing that and I just moved on with my day.I am again asking for prayers by everyone of you who follow my blog and read the posts to please continue praying for me and also,please leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and also make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA,including healing from the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday morning,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and as usual,I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there when the time came to go.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch and after I was finished eating,I headed for a gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day.or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day and it can get pretty tiresome dealing with this.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply take this particular struggle and I talk to God about in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in keeping me calm,serene and sustained.It shows that they are there to aid and guide me along and that is great.It also makes me feel a tad better knowing that they are in control and leading the way.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I turned to the right side in bed and the erection softened,though it was a little slow in softening.When it was fully soft,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies and lusting with other men and also,to manipulate my genitals alongside those lustful and sexual images of men.Each and every time I resist temptations of any kind,they keep coming back stronger and stronger.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of Jesus Christ all day whenever these terrible temptations came at me.I asked God in his son Christ Jesus' name to give me the strength to fight and resist these urges and I felt better after praying.I felt much stronger and much more at ease.I knew that God heard me and that was great.I am not alone in my struggle and that is wonderful.While I have been doing that,I am also continuing to ask for prayers by all of you who follow my blog and read the posts.I also ask that you leave a positive word of encouragement in the comments section as well.My blog gets many visitors,but comments of any kind are rare.The comments can be in the form of encouragement and/or a verse/scripture from the Holy Bible or both.Don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two.I ask these things because both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome SSA and to continue my journey to heal from the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues onward,though today was a little more bumpy.I had a pretty good day today,despite some setbacks.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and was hoping to get around to doing my personal PC work,but that is when the setbacks started.I was without internet for much of the morning as a result of some money that I owed the phone company,who also provides my internet service.I was without it for much of the morning and was actually thinking of going to the public library to do my work,but my locally living sister came to the rescue and she let me use her card for a one time only payment.Though I had some hassles in applying the payment,I managed to get it done and ten minutes later after applying payment,my internet service was restored and I did my personal PC work as I planned and after that,I proceeded with the rest of the day.
Though today is supposedly the First Day of Spring,it don't look like it.It snowed overnight and the weather is COLD!It was only a light dusting,but it was still COLD! and FREEZING!As a result of this,I stayed home for much of the day to relax and watch a DVD or two.I still had plans for today and I didn't let the weather stop me from fulfilling them.The main plan was the last dinner at my church's fellowship hall and I was looking forward to that.I simply relaxed for a while and eagerly awaited the time to come to leave and go there.
The dinner was wonderful and I enjoyed the fellowship with my fellow worshipers.After the dinner was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did some personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day,despite some setbacks.
While my rocky road to recovery continues onward,despite the road being a little more bumpy,I am still in my daily battle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that make my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply bring this particular struggle to God and talk about to him in the name of his son Christ Jesus when I am feeling a little more overwhelmed than usual and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that they are there to help me and that is wonderful,plus it also makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I sat up for a while and the erection started to soften and when it was fully softened,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation after getting up out of bed by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,and yes,sexual images of men clouded my mind and lusting and fantasizing followed.Fortunately,I stopped myself and immediately asked God to forgive me for falling into sin by doing all of these things and I felt much better as I truly believed that I was forgiven and I moved on with the rest of the day.I was tempted to act out by lusting and fantasizing throughout the day and yes,the temptation to manipulate my genitals to those sexual and lustful images of men was also there.I kept up in prayer all day to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever these temptations came at me.I asked God in the name of his son Christ Jesus for strength to fight and resist these urges.I am learning by the day that the more I resist any temptations,the more stronger that they become.I have to always keep asking God in the name of Christ Jesus Christ to give me the strength day after day so I don't fall into sin.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I simply and willfully choose to stay home whenever that particular temptation comes around.I have to constantly keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural sexual desires that I have will never give me what I want and also,so desperately need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation,as acting out will only reinforce the Homosexual/Gay identity,which is the identity that I am trying to disown and stay far away from.Though I have been keeping up in prayer,I am also asking that all of you who follow my blog that you please keep up in prayer for me as I am going through all of this and also,please leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.My blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rare.Please don't be shy when visiting and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I ask these things because both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue my journey in overcoming SSA and to heal from the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA,so I can be the man that God wants me to be and intended for me to be.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,I have my usual spirituality group and lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I delivered free newspapers to a few residents that I deliver to each week.When that was done,I paid a visit to a friend of mine to see how they were doing and after visiting with them for a few minutes,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day today.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.It can get pretty tiresome and monotonous at times.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply take this particular struggle with God and ask him to get me through this in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate once again came at me in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed and,though it was slow going,the erection started to soften.I stood up and proceeded to walk a little and the erection fully softened as I did this and after that,I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in sinful sexual activity by ways of lusting and fantasies,as well as to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping to these sexual images of men that were clouding my mind,which was motivating the temptation to lust and fantasize.I simply decided to take these temptations to God in prayer and asked him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations as they were coming at me from all sides.Each and every time that I resist any temptation,and ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to get me through it and to also give me strength to fight and resist them,the temptations keep coming back stronger each time.This tells me that Satan and his minions will never give up trying to get me to indulge in sinful sexual activity with other men or to lust after other men and fantasize about indulging in all of that.I also get tempted to watch porn online and I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that particular temptation comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than give into that particular temptation.I know that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.I also know that acting out in any way,shape or form will only reinforce the Homosexual/Gay identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape from and disown as I don't want to be Homosexual.I simply want to be the man that God intended and wants me to be.I only accept that I am a male and a man.Aside from accepting that I am a human being,I accept nothing else other than that.I refuse to let a label,such as "Homosexual/Gay" define who I am nor will I let the unnatural desires that I have define me nor will I let them dictate to me how I will act nor react.I am simply a man/male and that is all that I am.Admittedly,it is never easy too accept one's true identity,but once it is done,that person is in Phase One in their healing from SSA and the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with it.While I have been keeping up in prayer to both God and his son Jesus Christ,I am also asking that everyone who follows my blog and reads the posts that I leave here to also please continue in prayer for me.I also ask that you please leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors,but rarely leave anything in the comments section.Please don't be shy.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I ask this because both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and struggle.They also make me even more determined to continue in my journey of overcoming this terrible SSA,but also to continue in my healing from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for all of your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,the only thing on my agenda is the last Wednesday night dinner in my church's fellowship hall.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.I also proceeded with the rest of the day.
I really didn't have too much to do today.It was basically a quite day.The only thing that I did was that I went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a gallon of milk and after paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the milk in the fridge and I sat down for a while and I took it easy.I also popped a DVD into the DVD player while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with BPD,it's symptoms and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be as I go through the day as at times,my moods and/or emotions fluctuate by the minute/moment,but usually it's a day to day thing.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continue to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply put this in God's hands and ask him for help in his son Christ Jesus' name and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone here and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection,though it didn't last very long.I sat up for a while and proceeded to get out of bed,which made the erection slowly start to soften.Though it was slow going,my genitals returned to their fully soft state and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation when sexual images of men clouded my mind.These sexual images of men came through my mind when I had gotten up and sat down as I was still in a tired and drowsy state.I actually started manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping to these images and that motivated me to lust and fantasize with these images,but I managed to stop myself before ejaculation could occur.I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and I felt better after that as I truly believed that I was forgiven.Throughout the day,I was tempted many times to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and the urge to act out by lusting and fantasies can get very overwhelming.I kept up in prayer to God all through the day as these temptations started coming.I kept asking for God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these urges and after praying each time,I felt better and much stronger.Day after day,I am learning that the SSA struggle is a very difficult one indeed.The point is that I have to continue drawing closer to God and keep praying to him in his son Christ Jesus' name to get me through these terrible temptations and to keep giving me the strength to fight and resist these urges as they get stronger with each resistance.I am also again asking that those who follow my blog to continue praying for me and also,please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I ask these things because both your prayers and your encouragement help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA and continue in healing journey from the unnatural sexual desires that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to my followers for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I decide to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward and onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit real quickly and I headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.I was also looking forward to that as I was going to do another reading from the Holy Bible in front of the congregation up on the podium.
Both the study class and the worship service were wonderful.After the service was over,I received even more positive accolades from my reading.One worshiper said that I brought it to life when I was reading and another said that I had read from my heart and put everything that I had into it.Others said that they also enjoyed my reading,including the pastor.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into casual clothes.After I had a light lunch,I called my brother in law to come over and fix the toilet,because the handle disconnected from the flushing mechanism and after he left when he fixed it,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to take a drive around and see how a few people that I knew were doing.After doing that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.For me,going to church in the morning on Sunday makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward and onward,I am still,on a one day at time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary from days or minute/moment within the same day.Aside from BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ about this particular struggle and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am never alone in this struggle and that makes me feel a tad better knowing that God and Christ Jesus are leading the way.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I tossed and turned,but it only made the erection throb more violently.I sat up and for a while,it continued to throb,but I chose to get up and walk and while I did,the erection started to slowly soften and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep as my genitals were now fully and completely softened.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted to act out by fantasies and lusting throughout the day.I also was tempted to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting the near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,which the fantasies and lusting make me do when they come around.I kept up in prayer constantly throughout the day and kept asking for God in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to help me fight and resist these terrible temptations.Each and every time that I fight and resist each temptation,they keep coming back stronger than the last time.The thing is that while I do have these unnatural sexual desires that are connected with SSA,I willfully refuse to let them define who I am nor let them dictate to me how I will be or act.I keep praying and praying and I always feel stronger after doing so.While I have been doing that,I am again asking that those of you who follow my blog to continue praying for me and also,please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is because your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my healing journey from the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did 4/5 of my personal PC work.When that was done,I headed for the bank to withdraw some much needed money and after that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the money away and I finished my personal PC work.After that was done,since I had no place to go and nothing to do,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also popped a DVD in the DVD player and I watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It is always difficult and it never seems to get any better.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable and/or overwhelming for me to handle.Whenever it seems to be getting that way as I just mentioned,I take this particular struggle to God and ask him to help get me through all of the ups and downs and hallucinatory effects of what I have psychiatric disability wise and both God and Christ Jesus help in sustaining me.With them helping me and leading the way,I have nothing to worry about and I do feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the nasty temptation to masturbate came at me again during the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I tossed and turned,but the erection continued to throb more.I had to sit up and attempt to get up and that is when the erection,though slowly,started to soften.I also walked a little and when I started doing that,I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,which I did and after I was finished,the erection had fully died down and I went back to sleep after that.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation after getting up out of bed in the mid morning and I was still feeling tired and drowsy,so my mind drifted off and sexual images of men started to cloud my mind and I started to lust and then,started manipulating my genitals to these lustful images and was at the point or orgasm,but managed to stop myself and I really felt miserable after doing this.I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that sin.I prayed really hard and I felt better knowing that I was truly forgiven and God had forgotten my sin.This still brings to mind one thing:Satan and his minions are using everything that they can on me to make me forsake my healing of these terrible unnatural sexual desires that I have and deliberately live in sexual sin.I am continuously willfully refusing to do that,but I also know that Satan and his minions will never give up.They are going to keep at this until I decided to give up and run right back to that sinful sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have and at times,they can try to really drain out energy.But again,I am willfully refusing to act out on these unnatural desires that I have by simply going out to find men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.Though I am making that choice,I am learning constantly that the choice does have it's difficulties.The thing is even when I am not going out and seeking other men for the purpose of indulging in sexual sin with them,Satan tries to use other means to get me to act out by using sexual images of men to cloud my mind to get me to lust after them and also,to fantasize with them,and to manipulate my genitals with these images.I am always in a fight with these things and it always gets even more difficult.I have to keep telling myself never to give Satan and his minions what they want,though it also means that they will stay keep up with their ways of tempting me to act out no matter how much I work to try and resist them.I also kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ throughout the day and I never ceased.Every time I did that,I always felt better and much stronger as I asked God in Christ Jesus' name to give me the strength to fight and resist these terrible satanically influenced temptations.Though I have been keeping up in prayer myself,I am still asking that everyone who follows and reads my blog to continue praying for me and also,to please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I ask these things because both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and also,they make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA and the unnatural sexual desires that are connected with SSA.Please keep up in prayer for me and also,please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you followers for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church in the morning,including the morning's Holy Bible study class,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I got dressed up to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had an orientation with an organization to set me up with a local job placement program so I can start finding work real soon.I am getting tired of just sitting down on my duff and doing little if nothing.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The orientation went great.After it was over,they informed that I should hear from them with 4-6 weeks or sooner.After that,I headed over to a local kitchen to have some lunch and after lunch,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my dress clothes and into some casual clothes and finished the rest of my personal PC work.When that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle with the symptoms and continuous emotional roller coaster ride of BPD.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate by the day,or by the minute/moment within the same day.I never know how my moods and/or emotional patterns will be like.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPS struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was hit with a triple whammy during three separate intervals in wee early morning hours.I was awakened by throbbing erections during those three separate intervals and they were very overwhelming.I tossed and I turned on each occasion,but the erections continued to throb.I had to sit up for a while on all three occasions and I lost some sleep as a result.Fortunately,they all softened while I was sitting up on each occasion and I went back to sleep after them all.Though I escaped this triple whammy,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies,lusting and to manipulate my genitals while doing so.I kept asking God in prayer in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resit all of these terrible temptations.I want to do the right thing,but my sinful nature wants me to do the opposite.I kept up in prayer all day and I didn't cease.After each prayer,I felt better and much stronger as I knew that God and Christ both heard me and they helped me.Though I am still doing,I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read the posts to please continue praying for me and also,don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA and to continue in my healing journey form the unnatural sexual desires connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed,did my personal PC work and proceeded with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things on my agenda today.I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group,which went well and after that,I had lunch at a local kitchen.After lunch,I headed to a gas station to get some gas and after that was done,I headed for the public library to print something and after that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things and after paying for them,I left and stopped in on a friend to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and I took it easy.
After eating dinner,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.It can be pretty tiresome and monotonous at times.If having BPD isn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I sat up for a while and I didn't lay back down until the erection softened.When it did,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was again later tempted to indulge in fantasies,lusting and to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of attaining near/full erection and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,but instead of giving into that entire temptation pattern,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist all of these things.I prayed hard and I pleaded with God in the name of his son Christ Jesus to give me the strength to fight and resist.After praying,I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and after that,I showered to clean up and get ready for the day.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ all day as these terrible temptations kept coming at me.I continuously prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to fight and resist all of these terrible temptations that were coming at me.I kept it up all day as I didn't want to sin nor displease God in any way,shape or form.I am serious about wanting to heal from SSA and I don't want to continuously fall short as I had done in the last three weeks,where I fell two consecutive times one week,once the second week,and two consecutive times within a twelve hour period the third week.I really want to work hard at fighting hard to resist all of these terrible things and also,to get my mind cleared of all sexual and lustful images of men.I want to think positive thoughts of members of my own gender and also,to look at them in a Christian light,which is as brothers in a spiritual and Christian way and not for any of the selfish intentions and unnatural desires that I have for them.I also want to start thinking of them as the same as I am inside and out,as I am a male and a man and that m body is meant for compatibility with a female,but I also don't want to start thinking lustful thoughts of women either as lust,as a whole,is condemned in the Holy Bible as lust breeds obsession,infatuation and in itself,represents selfishness of the highest degree.Though I have been keeping up in prayer myself,I am also continuing to ask that everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts to continue praying for me as I am going through all of this.Please continue praying for me and also,please do leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section as both your prayers and your encouraging comments both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in the healing process from SSA and the unnatural desires connected with SSA.It is just that my blog gets many visitors,but comments are rare.Please don't be afraid to speak some encouraging words in the comments as I so desperately need some encouragement as well as prayers.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,the only thing that I have planned is to meet with some job placement people to become a client and help me find work and also,lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward and onward,despite some setbacks.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
Today,we had some snowfall that started overnight and lasted all morning.It was pretty light,but the weather was chilly.I simply stayed home and took it easy for a while.The area where I live will be getting some more light snowfall and there will be some chilly temps,so I decided to just stay home and take it easy for the day.
I simply used the day to catch up on some much needed work that I have been putting off.After that was done,I decided to wait until the time so I could go to a church dinner that was being held tonight.When the time came,I headed over there.
The church dinner was wonderful.The food and the fellowship were both wonderful.I got so much out of it.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got into my pajamas and relaxed for a while until I was ready for bed.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward and onward,despite some setbacks,I am still on my daily struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.The emotional roller coaster ride of BPD can wear me out at times.It does as I never know how I will be mood-wise and/or emotional-wise.They vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle with my psychiatric disorder and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to indulge in masturbation,lusting and fantasies in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This was yet another overwhelming urge to indulge in these sinful and immoral practices.I tossed and turned,but that only made the erection throb even more violently.All of a sudden,I felt that I had to use the bathroom,so I got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom.As I headed for there,the erection started to soften,but it was pretty slow going.After I was finished in the bathroom,my genitals returned to their typical softened state,I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into yet another episode when after finally getting out of bed,I gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose getting near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.There was also lusting after other men and fantasies involved as well where I wound up talking to myself imagining that I was indulging in immoral and sinful sexual activity with other men.Before it went too far,I stopped myself and I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning this morning and I really prayed hard.After I was finished,I felt better as I truly believed that I was forgiven by God for my sins.Throughout the day,I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever the temptation to indulge in anything sinful connected with SSA and the unnatural desires that I have that are also connected with SSA.I kept up in prayer and I really prayed hard as I didn't want to sin nor displease God in any way,shape or form.I am learning day after day that the struggle with SSA is a very difficult one at that.It is easier to surrender to the unnatural desires than it is to fight and resist them.Satan and his minions are really working hard to get me to disobey God's perfect law in regards to sexuality,but I am always choosing too fight and make a stand,but Satan and his minions continue to make it tougher and even more difficult by the day.I do keep up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ constantly and I constantly ask for strength to fight and resist these temptations to indulge in fantasies,lusting and to manipulate my genitals alongside them.Again,it gets even more difficult by the day and at times,Satan and his minions will try to wear me out.But again, I have God and his son Christ Jesus intervene and I do feel better knowing that they are leading the way.Though I have been doing this,I am also continuing to ask that all of you who continue to follow my blog and read the posts to continue praying for me as I am going through all of these emotional issues.I also ask that you please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments that are encouraging are rare as they usually don't leave any.I only ask for these things because your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my healing journey from SSA and make me even determined to continue in overcoming SSA at the same time.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have my usual spirituality group and also,lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
After having a light lunch,I headed out to drop off some newspapers at a few people's houses.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.Aside from that,I also have to endure the schizophrenic tendencies that I have,which makes my BPD struggle even worse.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggles seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that is great.I do feel a tad better knowing that they are helping me to keep level and get me through everything in the day in regards to this particular struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This was also the hardest that I had ever been in a long time.I really had to use all of my own strength to fight and resist this particular temptation.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,so I got up out of bed and I headed there and as I did,the erection started to soften and after I was finished in the bathroom,the erection had fully died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I gave into a later temptation after finally getting up out of bed and while sitting in a chair,I started to manipulate my genitals to the point of getting near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping and yes,sexual and lustful images of men were clouding my mind as I was doing this.I managed to stop myself before it went too far and I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and I did feel better knowing that I was forgiven and I moved on with the rest of the day.I kept up in prayer all day as the temptations to act out by fantasies and lusting came at me the entire day.I kept praying to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me by giving me the strength to fight and resist these temptations as they kept coming.The more I put up a resistance,the stronger that the temptations get as they keep coming.It seems that Satan and his minions are not going to give up until I decide to abandon the healing process from SSA,reject the truth about SSA that I already know that Satan and his minions hate that I know and simply go an indulge in all the sinful sexual activity known to man and that the Holy Bible condemns.I am willfully going to continue fighting and I am also going to keep going to God in prayer and asking him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to continue giving me strength to continue fighting and resisting these terrible temptations.I am also again asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts to also continue praying for me as I am going through all of this and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my healing journey to overcome this terrible SSA and the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected to SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and also provide.
Tomorrow,I have a dinner at my church's fellowship hall in the evening.As for most of the day,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.When that was finished,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I simply decided to head to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my emotions and/or moods will be.They fluctuate by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.It can be pretty tiresome and pretty monotonous at times and it does make me wish that I didn't have to go through this particular struggle.It having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.With the schizophrenic tendencies,I also have to put up with hallucinations,such as hearing footsteps,hearing voices calling out my name and when I turn around,there is nothing nor anyone there.At times,I just want to shout out and say something like "Why are you doing this to me whoever you are?!" and/or "Why won't you just show yourself rather than hide from me?!"I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to seek God and his son Jesus Christ and also,to continue relying on them whenever the struggles seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ,I let the both of them take the lead and they both in keep me sustained.I am never alone in this particular struggle and with them leading the way and making sure that the hallucinations and the mood/emotional fluctuations don't get any worse,it makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I tossed and turned,but it only made the erection throb more.At the same time,since I was still in a drowsy state and still in bed,sexual images of men were creeping up into my mind.I simply decided to start sitting up and I sensed that I had to use the bathroom.I walked to the bathroom and the erection started to soften as I was walking there.After I was finished,my genitals were now fully soft and I went back to sleep and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation after getting up while I was sitting in a chair and I started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,and yes,sexual images of men did cloud my mind.The root cause of this,though I am not saying it justifies this,was that I was still tired and drowsy and hadn't fully awakened,though I had just gotten out of bed.I stopped myself and I immediately prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for the fall and after I was finished,I felt better as I truly believed that I was forgiven.I kept up in prayer all day to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ as I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies and lusting and also,to manipulate my genitals at the same time to all of that.I kept up in prayer to God all day and continually asked him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to give me strength to fight and resist all of these temptations and I felt better and much stronger after praying.Those nasty temptations keep coming at me and I know that it is Satan and his minions that are responsible for them.Though I have been doing that all day,I am again continuing to ask that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts here to continue praying for me.I really need prayers and I am so desperately in need of other men supporting me in this fight and struggle against SSA.Please continue in prayer for me and also,please don't be shy by leaving an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome SSA.I would really appreciate prayers and encouraging words by all of you.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up immediately in a suit and I proceeded to head for church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.I got a lot out of them.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my casual clothes.I had a light lunch and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day as for me,going to church on Sunday morning every week always makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be like from day to day,or at times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.It having BPD isn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It makes me feel a little bit better knowing that they are there leading the way and showing that I am never alone in this particular struggle.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I had to use the bathroom,so I got up and headed for the bathroom and as I headed there,the erection softened and when I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted a little bit to act out on these unnatural desires that I have by lusting,fantasizing and to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping alongside the lusting and fantasizing.Yes,it was to images of men clouding up my mind,but I didn't give into these temptations.I prayed hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I threw the temptations on God and asked him for strength to fight and resist these temptations in the name of his son Christ Jesus and I felt better after praying.I went through the day without much on my mind,but I also have to keep in mind that though I did escape today,tomorrow is another day.I can never thing of never giving into temptation again.I simply think in terms of one day at a time when it comes to fighting temptations of all sorts that Satan and his minions will try to throw at me.I have to keep up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and keep asking for strength to fight and resist all temptations that come at me.I am also again asking for prayers by everyone who follows and reads my blog posts and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome SSA and to continue in my healing journey out of it.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made much plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ