Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did my personal PC work.While doing this,I received a phone call from my father,who just wanted to check up on me.After that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had a few things to do today.I went to the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things and after paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I am feeling a tad better now.The weather has somewhat improved and I did manage to get out to do some things that I needed to do.Still,my down feelings were still the same,but this time,I managed to get out and just do what I had to do after being couped up in the house the last few days.It was great to finally get out after those last days of being stuck in the house due to the weather.Still,my emotional roller coaster ride stalled at down and I think that it will take a few days for me to get back into positive spirits again.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me during the wee early morning hours when another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,so I got out of bed and I headed there and as I was heading for there,the erection started to soften and when I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and I had to keep up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever these terrible temptations came at me.I prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me strength to fight and resist these terrible temptations as they kept coming at me and I did feel better and much stronger after praying.Lately,these terrible unnatural sexual desires that I have have been really overwhelming me.At times,these desires can be so overwhelming that at times,I feel like giving up and surrendering to these unnatural sexual desires that I have,but I keep deciding to stand my ground as I am determined to continue in my journey to overcome SSA.Yesterday,in the early evening,I had to really pray hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ as these desires were really starting to overwhelm me.The sexual images of men were really clouding my mind and all the opinions of those so called "Pro-Gay" people were also trying to filter my mind alongside the unwholesome images of men.I prayed real hard to God in the name of his son Christ Jesus' name and I left nothing out.I bared all to God and told him that these unnatural sexual desires that I have and also,the sexual images of men and the opinions of those so called "Pro-Gay" people trying to merge with the images.I prayed so hard that I was at the point of tears and even had a little bit of anger.The anger wasn't toward God at all,but towards these feelings and these disgusting sexual and lustful images that weer trying to take over my mentality and try to get me to surrender to the unnatural desires that I have,accept that I am "Gay" and that "being 'Gay' is not a lifestyle choice",which,in reality,it is and that it's "who I am and what I am and there's nothing that can be done about it as it is something that a person who is 'Gay' is born with",which is also the most common lie that is told about it.It isn't easy making the right and also,most righteous decision.I am not saying that I am righteous,as God and his son Christ Jesus are the ones who determine who is truly righteous and who isn't.I prayed that I am simply starving for contact with other men and that I really need to have positive and healthy relationships with other men in order to heal from this terrible SSA condition.Again,I prayed so hard that I was in tears as I was praying and also felt anger at having these terrible desires that were really overwhelming me at that point.I also said to God that I hated it that I found men sexually attractive and that I hated having these unnatural sexual desires for men as this wasn't what God intended sexuality to be when he created the first human couple,man and woman,in the Garden of Eden,which shows what he truly approves of in regards to sexuality and that there are no substitutes.This is God's law regarding sexuality,as he created man and woman,and there is nothing else acceptable to God other than that.I am again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts here.Please continue in prayer for me,and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments of any kind.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in the fight against SSA,strengthens my determination to continue in overcoming SSA and also,to continue in my journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA condition.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for all of your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being there and also,for all that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward.I had a pretty fair day today as a result of the terrible weather we have been having in my area.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I simply relaxed and waited for my substitute case worker to come over.
After the session with my substitute case worker,I simply chose to stay home as it was yet another very rainy day and the winds were blowing.I also was feeling a little down as a result of the weather and I simply chose to relax and take it easy at home.I watched a couple of DVD's and that was it.There wasn't much for me to do as a result of the terrible weather that we were having.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.Today,I was feeling down as a result of the weather that we have been having.It has been rainy and really windy for the past few days and it will be through tomorrow.My down feelings were the result of the weather and also,having really nothing to do as a result of the weather.I am hoping that the weather starts improving real soon.I am also still dealing the hallucinatory effects of the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that is making my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am never alone in this particular struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.I sat up for a while and I proceeded to get up and while I was doing that,the erection started softening and when my genitals were fully soft,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to lust after men,fantasize alongside the lusting and also,to manipulate my genitalia alongside all of these things.I kept up in prayer to God all day in the name of his son Jesus Christ and also asked him for strength to fight and resist all of these terrible temptations and I felt much stronger as I knew that God heard me and that was good.I am again asking for prayers from all of you who continually follow my blog and also,please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I continually ask these things because my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments.Please don't be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue overcoming SSA and to continue in my healing journey from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed withe the rest of my day as I had a few things planned.
I first headed over to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group.I always look forward to these Thursday groups with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm as they fast approach.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch and after I was done eating,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few more things.After paying for them,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and finished the rest of my personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.With God and his son Christ Jesus leading the way,it shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to indulge in masturbation when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I tossed to my left side and the erection softened within a couple of minutes.When my genitals were fully soft,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in lusting after images of men,and to indulge in fantasies of other men,and to also manipulate my genitals with these lustful and sexual images clouding my mind.I kept up in prayer all day to God and asked him in his son Christ Jesus' name for strength to fight and resist these terrible temptations as they kept coming at me.I kept up in praying and each time I finished,I felt much stronger and also felt better.It also proves to me that God and Christ are both there ready to help me whenever I need them and that is wonderful.I am also again asking for prayers by all of you who continue to follow my blog and read the posts and also,please don't be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets quite a few visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments of an encouraging nature.I ask these things repeatedly because both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue to overcome SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of your for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.
Today,the weather was rainy and wet.I didn't have too much to do and I chose to simply stay home and take it easy for the rest of the day.I also felt that I needed a much needed break from everything and from all the stress of life.It has been pretty stressful for me as of late,with all of my medical problems and also,the verbal attacks that I have been receiving as a result of defending my Christian faith and trying to show people who claim to be Christian and also at the same time,claim to be supporters of the LGBT agenda,when in reality,nobody can be Christian and support the LGBT agenda at the same time.I have learned that not everybody will accept that hard truth,but in the long run,I am hoping that they will one day see the error of their ways and see that that can't represent Christianity and represent the agenda of the LGBT movement.I learned the hard way that we can only represent one side of the issue or the other.Nobody can represent both as that would be trying to serve two masters and Matthew 6:24 says,in it's own way,that nobody who is a Christian can do that.You can only represent either God's side or the world's side.When someone claims to represent both the side of God and the world's side and claim to be Christian,that is also trying mix light with darkness and also,partaking at the Lord's table and the demon's table at the same time and again,the Holy Bible in it's own way says that Christians can't do that as the scriptures of 1st Corinthians 10:21 and 2nd Corinthians 6:14 demonstrate.Again,only one side of the issue can be represented or the other,not both.I have chosen to represent only God's side and sever all ties that I have with anyone or anything connected with LGBT agenda as that is the only thing that I as a Christian can do and it is also the right thing to do.I hope that what I said here inspires many and leads many others to think about where they really stand and represent as Christians.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It never gets any easier at all each and every day.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It also shows that I am never alone in this struggle and with God and Christ Jesus leading the way and helping to sustain me,I do feel a little bit better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours at two separate intervals when I was awakened by throbbing erections at both those intervals.I tossed and turned at both these intervals and on both,the erections softened and I went back to sleep after both of these.Though I escaped this double whammy,I was still tempted throughout the day to indulge in lusting after men and to fantasize with those lustful sexual images.I was also tempted to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though ejaculation has occurred on occasion and also at times,I do get tempted to masturbate the rest of the way.When these things happened,I kept up in prayer to God and I kept asking him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to keep giving me strength to fight and resist all of these terrible temptations.After the setbacks of last week and at the beginning of this week,I am trying to stay as clear away from any sexual desires that are connected with SSA and also,to try and stay strong in resisting all sorts of temptations to get me to indulge in lusting and fantasies with other men,but I also know that I can't do it alone as I need the help of both God and his son Jesus Christ in my fight to resist all sorts of sexual temptations.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I simply as well as willfully choose to stay home rather than feed that particular temptation.I am also again asking that all of you who continually follow my blog to keep up in prayer for me as I am going through this emotionally complex time and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.My blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rare.Please share an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section,which can be either something spiritually upbuilding/uplifting or simply some encouragement from anyone who is also in the process of healing from this terrible SSA.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and that also makes me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome SSA and also to continue in my healing journey from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouraging words.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and lunch at a local kitchen after the meeting is over.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did my personal PC work and I managed to get it done despite an issue with the internet connection that lasted ten minutes,which made me re-start my computer to get the internet going well again.
I had only a few things on my agenda for today.I first had a very important appointment with a counselor from an association that I had an orientation with as the month of March was winding down.This time,it was to get me hooked up with a local job placement program in my hometown.
The meeting with the counselor went better than expected.The counselor told me that I should be hearing from the local job placement office real soon.After the meeting was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a movie.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle against the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that they are there to help me and that I don't have to suffer alone.It does make me feel a tad better knowing that.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I,for the second consecutive time this week,gave into temptation by manipulating my genitals to lustful and sexual images of me that were clouding my mind.It led to ejaculation and I felt nothing but misery after falling.After washing my hands,I immediately asked God to forgive me for falling in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I begged for God's mercy as this was my second consecutive fall this week.After I was finished,I felt better as I truly believed that I was forgiven and that the slate was wiped clean.I really need to work on taking these weaknesses and put them in Gods hands.I can't keep falling every time that I turn around.Don't get me wrong,I know that God in his son Christ Jesus' name forgives unlimitedly,but I still need to work on this as I don't want to keep falling constantly.I need to ask God for strength whenever these temptations come around.I really need to go to God and take these temptations to him in prayer and also,I have to learn to be really tough with myself.I want to do what God wants me to do and I want to do the right thing in his eyes and what his sacred word,the Holy Bible,says to do.It is just that my sinful nature wants me to do the exact opposite,which I don't want to do at all,as that would displease God.I am again asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please continually keep praying for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time.I am also asking that all of you please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments are rare.Please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work and when that was finished,I proceeded to get on with the resat of my day.
I had only a few things on my agenda for today.I first went to the post office to buy a money order to pay for my car insurance and after I paid that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I watched a movie.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD,it's symptoms and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions are always on a constant up and down ride.At times,it can get pretty tiresome.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside BPD and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to let God and his son Jesus Christ lead the way and let them help in sustaining me whenever I take this particular struggle to them in prayer.It isn't easy struggling with BPD or even schizophrenia,but with God and Christ helping out,it makes it a tad bearable,though I still have to do my part by continuing my therapy and continuing to take my medication.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am going to be very blunt,straightforward and honest here,though it pains me to write about this.I again gave into temptation this morning while I was online.I gave into the temptation to watch online porn and also,to lust after and fantasize with the men that I was seeing in the porn.It led me to manipulate my genitals and when I reached the point of orgasm,I masturbated to ejaculation.I really felt miserable after this particular fall and after cleaning my hands,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for the fall and when praying to them,I left nothing out.I admitted to everything that I did and asked God in his son Christ Jesus' name to forgive me and also,I begged for God's mercy to be upon me as I did fall four times last week as a result of some negative things that happened,such as my medical concerns and having comments where I shared the truth with other on an online blog and they were removed for being "fanatical fundamentalist rhetoric" and my subsequent sadness and anger over their removal.I guess that I am really not over this.It really hurt me when I saw them removed and that they were taken the wrong way and were also taken entirely out of context.I was trying to be sincere and loving in a Christ like way,but everyone on the blog,who claimed to be Christian,while at the same time claiming to support the LGBT agenda,made them out to be the opposite of my intentions.How can anyone claim to be Christian and be supportive of the LGBT agenda at the same time?It doesn't make sense.I am trying to make people see,in the utmost sincere and Christian way,that you can't be a Christian and support an agenda that God,nor his sacred word,the Holy Bible,doesn't approve of.You can only represent one side of the issue or the other.Nobody who claims to be a Christian can't represent both sides.That is trying mix light with darkness or even so,having a share at the Lord's table and the demon's table at the same time.This can't be done.If you are a Christian,you should only choose to represent God's side and not the worldly side.Nobody can be Christian and support any agenda that God abhors.It's impossible.A true Christian,though it is up to God and his son Christ Jesus to determine who is truly a Christian and who isn't as they are the only real judges in this area,supports and represents only the godly agenda and not any worldly agenda.I know that this does sound harsh,but it is the truth and we have to learn to live by the truth and not by falsehoods nor any agenda that doesn't fit what God intended when he created us and also,made sure his sacred word,the Holy Bible,was well preserved for future generations.I am once again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts regularly.I am also asking again that all of you don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments or encouraging words.Please do leave me an encouraging word or two.Why?Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome SSA and the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,I have to meet with a counselor from an association to help me get hooked up for a job placement program.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up into a suit and I headed for church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.I also did a reading from the Holy Bible in front of the congregation at the podium and the responses were positive,which made me feel appreciated and loved.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my casual clothes.I had a light lunch and after eating that,I did my personal PC work and after that was finished,I relaxed and watched a movie.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day as for me,going to church on Sunday makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily dealing and struggles with BPD,it's symptoms and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be as I go from day to day,or at times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I sat up for a while and I proceeded to get up out of bed and that made the erection soften and when my genitals were fully soft,I went back to bed and to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I had to put up with even more temptation throughout the day as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have by means,such as fantasies,lusting and also,to manipulate my genitals to get them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.I was tempted to do all of that throughout the day.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ as these temptations were coming on strong.I didn't want to fall again as I have fallen four times already this week as result of an emotional tailspin that I have been in as a result of some negative things happening.I am trying to get back into the whole process of healing from SSA and to keep away from anything or anyone that might try to get me to compromise what I have learned to be the cold hard God honest truth.It is never an easy thing to deal with and it is very difficult to resist temptations to act out in any way,shape or form.I am again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads the posts on here.I am also again asking that all of you to please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and struggle and make me even more determined to overcome SSA and to continue in my healing journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I headed for my monthly Men's Network meeting,which I was looking forward to with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful.After it was all over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily struggle with BPD and it's complications.The emotional roller coaster ride can really tire a person out and at times,it seems pretty unbearable and also seems way too overwhelming.It is never an easy thing to put up with and at times,I wish that I didn't have to put up with this,but I know that I have to and I simply handle and endure this the only way that I know how.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing too rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation by lusting and fantasizing with other men.I also manipulated my genitals with these sexual images until the point of orgasm and I masturbated the rest of the way.I really felt miserable after this and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for this fall and I asked for God to show me his mercy as this was the fourth fall that I made this week.I have been very overwhelmed as of late by my medical concerns and also,by comments that I left on a particular blog site where I was sharing the truth about Homosexuality and what God's word had to say about it.The comments that I made were viciously attacked by other participators and the administrators of the website removed my comments and the reason given was that my comments were "Fundamentalist fanatic propaganda."This really angered me as we are supposed to be living in a country that is supposed to be a democracy and as a result of that,we have the right of freedom of speech,including the right to express ourselves and what we truly believe in wholeheartedly when it comes to being spiritual,which freedom of religion supports,and also,how we feel about certain controversial areas,such as Homosexuality and what the Holy Bible has to say about it.The removal of those comments,and subsequently being put on comment moderation as a result of the comments that I made that showed the truth,violated my constitutional rights and it gave the impression of communism rather than democracy.They also accused me of being unloving and hateful,which I wasn't.I was trying to express the truth in the utmost sincerity and Christian love to them,but they took my words the wrong way and attacked me left and right and they were subsequently removed.I am not expecting that everyone has to embrace the truth and accept it as it is.But these people are trying to justify the sinful practices associated with Homosexuality and tried to make them seem that God accepts it as legit and it isn't as sinful as it is made out to be.Those words are wrong because the Holy Bible says that the sexual activity between two members of the same gender is wrong,inappropriate and sinful.It also says that all forms of sexual immorality is sinful as well.But again,I am not expecting that everyone has to accept the truth,but please don't condemn people who share it and ask questions that are of a nature where you would like to learn more and listen to when somebody provides back-up for their reasoning,even if it is from the Holy Bible.This has really put my emotions in a tailspin and I need the help and support of everyone who follows and reads my blog to support and encourage me in this complex emotional time.I need your prayers desperately as I am going through all of this and also,I am also in desperate need of encouraging words in the comments section.Please keep up in prayer for me and also,please don't be shy in leaving an encouraging word or two for me.As stated,your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and also,to continue in my journey in overcoming SSA and to continue my healing journey from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church in the morning,including the morning's Holy Bible study class,I have really no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.
After all of that was done,I headed to the same local kitchen for lunch and after that,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things and after that,I headed to a nearby supermarket across the street to pick up one more thing.After that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some munch needed money.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the bills at the Where's George site and after that was done,I headed back out again to pay a bill at another local supermarket.After picking up one more thing that was needed,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a movie.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still battling the symptoms of BPD and still enduring that continuous emotional roller coaster ride.It is never an easy thing to deal with nor struggle with.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone in this struggle and that makes me feel a tad better,though the ups and downs are still pretty difficult to handle and deal with.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,though I escaped temptation to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep,I gave into a later temptation by manipulating my genitals and this time,I gave into the temptation to watch porn online.After I stopped myself,I really felt miserable for falling and sinning against God and I asked him in his son Jesus Christ's name to forgive me for sinning against him and I did feel better as a result of that as i truly believed that I was forgiven and that the slate was again wiped clean.Throughout the rest of the day,I kept busy and all that I did today took my mind off of anything sexual,including unwholesome sexual images of men.These images do like to cloud my mind and I never know when they might strike.I have to continually keep in mind that Satan and his minions are going to use everything in their evil power to get me to sin against God by indulging in sexual activity with other men,which is what I am trying to avoid as I know that this type of thing is condemned by God in his sacred word,the Holy Bible.I kept busy all day and nothing ever crept up into my mind as I stayed busy.Though this did happen and it was good,I am still asking that all of you who follow my blog to please continue offering prayers for me as I am going through this and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight against this terrible SSA and make me even more determined to continue in my healing journey from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for the weekend,with the exception of a possible Men's Network group tomorrow and church on Sunday,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did 4/5 of my personal PC work.I then headed over to my Thursday morning spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful as usual.After the meeting was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby post office and I mailed out an important bill.After that,I went to the local Sears and paid another bill.After that,I did as little bit of shopping at a local supermarket.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and finished my personal PC work.I also relaxed and watched a movie.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying more on God and his son Christ Jesus whenever this struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not nor ever alone in this fight and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I sat up in bed for a while and I proceeded to get up and that made the erection slowly die down.I didn't lay back down until my genitals were fully soft and when they were,I went back to sleep.Throughout this day,I kept busy with things,such as my group and doing all of my shopping as the day went along.It took my mind off of my struggles with SSA and that was pretty good.My mind was preoccupied with just getting through the day and not thinking much of anything else as I went on.I just kept my mind on what I had to do and that made the day goes by pretty quickly.Though today was pretty busy and I wasn't thinking much of anything else,tomorrow will be another day and that means that it might be different.I am also again asking for prayers by those who continue to follow my blog and read the posts.I am also again asking that those who do to please leave an encouraging comment or two.My blog gets quite a few visitors and curiosity seekers,but again,comments are rare.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me and please don't be shy when visiting.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight against SSA and make me even more determined to continue in my healing journey to heal from the unnatural sexual desires that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for all of your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good,but busy,day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I headed over to the local hospital for a PSA test.I was really nervous and anxious about this whole thing as I have been having problems with frequent trips to the bathroom during the day.
The whole thing went pretty fast.I thought that they were going to x-ray my groin area to see what was wrong,but they simply took some blood and had me provide a sample of my urine for evaluation.After it was all done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby gas station to get some gas and after that,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After that was done,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up some groceries and was there for quite a while.After paying for the groceries,I stopped to see a friend of mine to see how he was doing.After a few minutes talking with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and after that was done.I had a quick lunch of a bowl of soup.After lunch,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and took it easy.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good,but busy,day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.This emotional roller coaster ride is never an easy thing to deal with as it gets tougher and tougher every day and also at times,every minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name if his son Christ Jesus and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation for the third consecutive time when I manipulated my genitals to lustful and fantasy like images of men and I wound up ejaculating as a result.I really felt down and miserable after this particular fall and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sins and after that,I felt better as I truly believed that God forgave me for my sins and that the slate is wiped clean once again.Throughout the day,I was kept preoccupied with everything at the hospital and afterwards when I left.I kept my mind on what I was doing while out in the community and that kept my mind off of everything having to do with my SSA struggles.While that may be so today,there is always tomorrow as it might be different than today.I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read the posts to continue praying for me.I also ask that you don't be shy and please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rare.Please say a kind encouraging word or two for me as that woul dhelp me alongside your prayers.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and lunch at a local kitchen afterwards.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I first went to a local supermarket to turn in some bottles and cans that I had in my trunk and after that,I went to a nearby Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed to a nearby gas station to get some gas and after that was done,I headed over to a friend's place to see how they were doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be as this emotional roller coaster ride is pretty unpredictable.It can also get pretty tiresome and emotionally exhausting.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more of God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation for the second consecutive time when after getting up by manipulating my genitals with lustful and sexual images of men clouding my mind and yes,I did masturbate after I reached the point of orgasm.I really felt miserable as a result of this and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning and falling short.I felt much better knowing that I was forgiven and that God has forgotten my sins and the slate is now wiped clean.I am also sharing what led up to this fall.It is all the emotional stress that I have been having as of late.The negative disagreements of others in regards to what the truth of God's holy and sacred word,the Holy Bible,says about the sinful sexual activity between two members of the same gender and also,disagreements with those who claim to be Christian,but undermine that claim by saying that they support the agenda of the LGBT side,while still continuing to masquerade as Christians.This really gets me angry as well as sad.I mean,How can someone claim to be a Christian and throw their support for a worldly agenda,such as the LGBT agenda?The thing is this;the Holy Bible condemns the sinful practice of two members of the same gender indulging in sinful sexual activity with each other.This also means that since the Holy Bible condemns this practice and that it is God's holy and scared word,God also condemns the agenda of the LGBT as it is an agenda that God doesn't approve of nor condone.I have learned this the hard way since I have been in the healing process and it really saddens me as makes me angry when somebody claims to be a Christian and also at the same times,claims to support the LGBT agenda,which undermines that claim to be a Christian.I already know that you can't be Christian and support the LGBT agenda,but I wish that other so called Christians,or Christian posers as this is what they really are,would also recognize this.It is simply when someone sows a seed along the path and what happens is that Satan,the Devil takes that seed out of the ground before it even has a chance to grow.Aside from that,it is also the stress of the medical problems that I have been facing lately,such as my constantly making frequent trips throughout the day to the bathroom every hour or hour and a half.This has really been getting to me.Tomorrow morning,I have to go to the local hospital to get my groin area x-rayed to see what the problem could be,such as a problem with my prostate or typical overactive bladder.I am hoping that it is the latter and not the former as with the former,it could be rough going ahead as I endure all the stuff that surrounds this particular problem.I am again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts as I could really use them right now.I am also asking for your encouraging words and/or comments in the comments section as I also need them right now as well.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this particular SSA struggle and also,helps keep me at peace as I am facing the medical problems that are a hard reality to me as this moment.Please keep praying for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I am planning and hoping to go to the local hospital to get my groin area checked out to see what could be causing my frequent trips to the bathroom during the day and I am hoping that it isn't very serious.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good,but busy,day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did 4/5 of my personal PC work.I had a a busy day planned and I was hoping to get through it as quick as possible.
I had a doctor's appointment today with my general doctor concerning my problem with my frequent trips to the bathroom during the day.I headed over there and was there on time.
Though being there on time,I was still kept waiting for over three hours.I was really getting antsy as they had me wait for much too long.While waiting,they had me provide a urine sample for them to check out immediately and I continued to wait.The doctor finally got to to me pretty close to closing time and advised me to get a check-up of my prostate gland to see if that's the problem.After it was finally all over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby store to pick up a couple cans of soup.After paying for that,I headed to another nearby store to pick up a small frozen orange juice.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I opened up one of the soup cans and heated it up in the microwave and that was my dinner.After eating,I simply finished my personal PC work and I relaxed and watched a DVD.Overall,a pretty good,but busy,day today.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD,it's symptoms and the accompanying emotional roller coaster ride that goes with having BPD.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Christ Jesus whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I don't have to go through this alone and it does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I fell this morning by manipulating my genitals and yes,I wound up ejaculating and also,there was fantasizing and lusting involved with all of that as well.I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I as usual,I truly believed that I was forgiven as I felt better after praying.As a result of my day being totally busy,I took my mind off of my struggles and I didn't have any problems with any sexual images throughout the rest of the day as I went on through it all.It was good that this didn't happen and all the rigamarole of the day kept my mind off of everything.Still,I am again asking for prayers by all of you who continue to follow my blog and read my posts.I am also again asking for your encouraging words in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Happy Easter or Resurrection Sunday to all of you out there.
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After I was done showering,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for the Easter/Resurrection Sunday festivities today.The day first started with an Easter breakfast in the church's fellowship hall and after that,the 10:30am Easter/Resurrection Sunday Holy Communion worship service.I was looking forward to today with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The whole morning in church was wonderful.I had some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers during the breakfast and before and after the worship service.After it was all over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my casual clothes.I then headed over to my nephew's house for dinner and I was also looking forward to that.
The dinner at my nephew's house was wonderful as well.After hanging out there for a while and talking with all my family that were there,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and I relaxed for the rest of the day.I popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched that while relaxing.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day as for me,going to church on Sunday morning always makes the day eventful for me.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me a feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection,though it didn't last very long.I sat up for a while and proceeded to get out of bed to walk and the erection started to soften as I was doing this.After walking for a short time,my genitals were fully soft and I went back to sleep.Though I did escape this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in lusting and fantasies with other men and to also manipulate my genitals with that temptation.I prayed hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these urges and I felt much better and stronger as a result of doing that.I knew that God and his son Christ Jesus heard me and they were there helping me all of that time.It is great that God and Christ are there to do just that and it is wonderful.I also must share an experience that I have been having when it comes to being free from Homosexuality/SSA and the lack of support in a world that is getting way too sympathetic for those that are living that sinful sexual lifestyle.I have been sharing comments about the healing process and how God in the name of his son Christ Jesus set me free from the Homosexual/SSA trap.I also heard from another who claimed to be Christian,but at the same time,said that they supported the LGBT agenda,which is an agenda that our Heavenly Father doesn't approve of.I tried to show him in my most sincerest and Christian way that this isn't possible.I showed him the scriptures in Matthew 6:24 and also,1st Corinthians 10:21 and also,2nd Corinthians 6:14.While he wasn't offended by what I had shared,another person accused me of not having any humility in what I shared,when in reality,there was more than enough humility in what I shared that what they posted as a response.I am learning that every day,the SSA struggle is never an easy one and there will be repeated persecutions when we share the truth about the healing process from SSA and the truth of God's word,the Holy Bible and what it has to say about this particular thing in it's own words.I was also accused of being a liar by another,but I answered in reply that if anyone were a liar,it wasn't me,but those who continue to believe and spared the lies about Homosexuality and anything else connected with Homosexuality.I even shared the scripture in John 8:44 about Satan,the devil being the first liar and the father of the lies that are being spread by the so called "Gay" community.I am learning this day after day and the persecution can cause the feelings that I have to be hurt tremendously,but I keep soldiering on in this process and seeking God and his kingdom first and his righteousness and not dwelling solely on the future as Jesus Christ said in Matthew 6:33-34.I have to keep reminding myself that I am doing all of this to please God and his son Christ Jesus,who both set me free from the trap of Homosexuality/SSA and everyday,I thank them both for setting me from that terrible trap in my daily and evening prayers.I am grateful that they both set me free and every day,I feel like celebrating that freedom.While I have been praying to God and his son Christ to help me in my fight to resist all temptations that come at me,I am continuing to ask all of you to keep praying for me and also,to please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I only continually ask this because both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in overcoming SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my general doctor concerning my problem with frequently going to the bathroom.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I got dressed and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work.I also proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I really didn't have too much to do.I simply ran a small errand that needed to be run and after that was finished,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also managed to pop a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or sometimes,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this struggle and that is wonderful.It also makes me feel a tad better as a result.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection,though it didn't last very long.I sat up in bed and proceeded to get out of it and the erection started to soften as I did that.When my genitals were fully soft,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies and lusting after other men and also,to manipulate my genitalia while these temptations were coming at me from all sides.I prayed hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever these temptations tried to get the better of me.I asked God to give me the strength to fight and resist all of these terrible temptations as they coming at me and I felt better each time after doing so.I felt stronger and I also felt that God was there listening to me and that he really wanted to help me.I am also again asking for prayers and encouraging words by everyone who follows my blog and reads the posts.I get many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rare.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me and also,please continue in prayer for me.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA and to also continue in my healing journey from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with the SSA condition.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I will be attending church for the Easter breakfast in the church's fellowship hall and the worship service following that.I am also going to my nephew's house for dinner.When that is all done,I am just going to go home and take it easy and watch a movie or two.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work and I proceeded with the rest of the day.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I simply hung out at home for most of the day.I used this opportunity to catch up on some much needed stuff that had to get done.
After my personal PC work was done,I folded up all of my laundry and put everything in their proper places.I also cleaned up around the house here and there and I relaxed for much of the day.I also had a light lunch after the laundry was all folded.I also managed to watch a DVD or two in between all of this.
After eating a light dinner,I got dressed up and headed for church for the Good Friday service.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The Good Friday service was wonderful.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put my pajamas on and I relaxed for a while before turning in for the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It is a constant tiresome ride as my moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or sometimes,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply throw anything on God and ask him for help in enduring this in the name of his son Christ Jesus and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle with this psychiatric disability that I have and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I tossed and turned,but the erection throbbed even more.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,so I got up and headed for the bathroom and the erection started to soften as I was heading for there.After I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went right back to bed and to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation,which was genital manipulation to lustful and sexual images of men after I had fully gotten up and sat down for a while before showering.I was still tired and drowsy and that was what made the images of men cloud my mind and make me give into this temptation and yes,I was near erect and I almost reached orgasm,but managed to stop myself and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into that particular temptation and I did feel better as I truly believed that I was truly forgiven and that my sins were truly forgotten by God and Christ.I was still tempted throughout the day to act out by these same aforementioned things and I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever the temptations kept coming at me.I prayed real hard for strength to fight and resist these temptations and I always felt better after praying.It showed me that God heard me and he was helping me.Though I have been doing this,I am still asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads the posts.Please continue praying for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely,if ever,leave any comments.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me.I ask this because both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this struggle against SSA and make me even more determined to continue in my healing journey from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for the weekend,with the exception of Easter church activities,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did 4/5 of my personal PC work.After that,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and the theme was the death of Christ and his subsequent resurrection.
The group went well.After it was over,I headed for a local kitchen to have lunch and after I was finished,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and after calling my sister,I headed over to her house to pick up something and after leaving her house,I headed over to the post office to mail out an important payment.After that,I stopped at a nearby Salvation Army thrift store and picked up a few things.After that,I headed for a local supermarket to turn in some bottles and cans and after collecting the money from that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finished my personal PC work.I also managed to register the bills that I received after turning in the bottles.
After eating a light dinner,I dressed up and I headed for church for the Maundy Thursday Holy Communion worship service and it was a wonderful service.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got into my pajamas and relaxed until it was time for me to go to bed.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or sometimes,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.It struggling with BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I also have to put up with hearing voices and other things that others can't hear,but can only be heard be me.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone when it comes to this struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation for a second consecutive time within a twelve hour period when I again manipulated my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and yes,there was lusting and fantasies involved and this time,I wound up ejaculating.I felt really terrible after falling this time.I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and I really begged for his mercy as this was the second consecutive time.I did feel better after that.I tried to keep busy all day by just going along with the day.I was tempted again and this time,I really prayed hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations as they were coming at me from all sides.I kept up praying as I didn't want to sin again.It isn't an easy struggle this SSA,but I am not giving up.I am going to continue praying to God in the name of his son Christ Jesus as I don't want to sin again.I am also still getting tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that temptation comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than go out and feed that temptation.While I have been praying,I am also again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read the posts to please continue praying for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time and please,don't be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your words of encouragement both help keep me going in this fight against SSA and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to heal from these unwanted unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with the SSA condition.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,with the exception of the Good Friday evening church service,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded with the rest of my day as I had only one thing on my agenda for today.
After everything that I had to do was done at home,I headed out to a local supermarket and I turned in some cans and bottles that had accumulated in my trunk and after doing that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered the money at the Where's George site and after that was done,I relaxed and watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day and I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I have a very unpredictable mood and/or emotional pattern.My moods and/or emotions can be up and good one day/minute/moment or down the next day/minute/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning when I manipulated my genitals with sexual images of men clouding my mind and when I reached orgasm,I masturbated the rest of the way and ejaculated.I felt really crushed as a result of this particular fall and after washing my hands,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for the fall.I did feel better after that as I truly believed that God had forgiven me for that.I was still facing temptation throughout the day to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and I kept up in prayer all day and when I did,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to fight and resist every temptation that came at me.I did feel much stronger after praying and I did feel that God heard me.I am also again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads the posts that I post here almost every day.I am also again asking for encouraging words by all of you as well.My blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rare.Please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this struggle and make me even more determined to continue in overcoming this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouraging words.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have only a couple of things planned.I have my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and church in the evening.As for in between those two things,I haven't got nothing else planned,but I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did 4/5 of my personal PC work and after that was finished,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had only one thing on my agenda for today.I had to go to the local hospital to see the nurse practitioner there to get a follow-up on my blood work that was done yesterday and the tests came back good.There is really nothing wrong with me and everything is in good working order.I did tell her about some urinary problems that I have been having lately and she asked for even more depth in my blood work tests and she said that she should have the results in a few days.Since my blood work came back good,I am thinking that I may have a problem with my prostate gland or maybe it is simply an overactive bladder.After getting my prescriptions,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby gas station to get some gas and after that,I stopped at the drug store to drop off my prescriptions and I asked for them to get a prescription filled for Vitamin D immediately as though the nurse practitioner said that my blood work tests came back good,I still have a deficiency of Vitamin D in my system.They told me that this should be ready by tomorrow.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and finished my personal PC work.Before that,I made an appointment with my general medical doctor and I will be seeing them on the 1st of April.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day and I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone when it comes to this particular struggle and that is great as with them leading the way,I do feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep,though it didn't last long.I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed and the erection,though it was slow going,died down and when it was fully erect,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to engage in fantasies and lusting after other men and also,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping alongside the sexual images that were clouding my mind.I prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist all of this and I felt better after praying to ask God for that.I also felt stronger and I knew that he was there and he heard me.I kept up in prayer all day and I felt better after doing so.I am also again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts as I really could use them now.I am also asking for an encouraging word or two from all of you.I get many visitors and curiosity seekers,but rarely do they leave a comment or two.Please leave me an encouraging word or two as your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome SSA and to continue in my journey to heal from the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I got dressed to go to the local hospital to get some much needed blood work done.
The time went by pretty fast and it only took about a couple of minutes to get it done.After it was all over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I immediately jumped into the shower and cleaned up.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I relaxed for the rest of the day.I simply put a DVD into the DVD player and watched it while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or sometimes,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.With then both leading the way,I have nothing to worry about when any way too overwhelming things happening.I also feel a tad better as a result.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one.I sat up for a while and as I was sitting up,the erection started to soften and when I proceeded to get out of bed,it only softened it more.When my genitals were returned to full softness,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in lusting and fantasies with other men and also to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping with these sexual images on my mind.I had to pray really hard to my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I asked for strength to fight and resist all of these temptations.I kept it up all day as I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in these sinful practices.I always felt better and stronger after praying and that was great.The urge(s)to indulge in anything sinful connected with SSA can be overwhelming.The more resistance that I put up,the more stronger the urge(s)become each and every time.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that particular urge comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed that particular temptation.I also keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have that are connected with SSA will never give me what I truly need and also want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.While I have been keeping up in prayer,I am also continuing to ask that all of you who continue to follow my blog to continue praying for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rarely left.Please leave an encouraging comment for me.It could be in the form of upbuilding me with any scriptures from the Holy Bible or to encourage me to keep fight and praying.I ask these things,which I feel are not too much in and of themselves,because both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome SSA and to continue in my journey to heal from these unwanted unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with the nurse practitioner at the local hospital.As for the rest of the day,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the study class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone after the service,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my regular casual clothes.I immediately did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day as for me,going to church on Sunday mornings always makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary day after day,or at other times,minute/moment after minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that make my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the BPD emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It also shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection,which didn't last very long.I sat up for a while and the erection started to soften as I did.I also proceeded to get up to walk and the erection continued to soften.When it was fully soft,I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was still tempted throughout the day to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and the temptations were really overwhelming.I was tempted to lust after other men and fantasize with the images that were creeping up into my mind,alongside the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping to these sexual images of men.I kept up in prayer to God all day and I asked him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to give me strength to fight and resist these temptations and I felt better and stronger after I did.I am going to work on making this a habit as I don't want to sin nor displease God in any way,shape or form.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I simply and willfully choose to stay home when that particular temptation come around as I continually keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA will never give me what I truly want and also need,which are affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.While I have been keeping up in prayer,I am also asking again that all of you who follow my blog and read the posts to continue praying for me and also,to please don't be shy by leaving an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets quite a few visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments.I only ask these things because both your prayers and your encouraging comments both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue to work on overcoming SSA and also,to heal from the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,the only thing that I have planned is to get some much needed blood work done over at the local hospital.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ