Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed quickly and I headed over to my Thursday morning spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful and I got a lot out of it.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch and after I was finished eating,I headed over to my case-worker's office to sign some papers.After that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station to get a little bit of gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a warm sweatsuit and I did my personal PC work.When that was done,I got dressed to prepare for my evening Holy Bible study group,which also was wonderful.I headed for a local supermarket to pick something up.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into some night clothes to get ready for evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and that,in itself,is a very difficult struggle.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be.At times,I can be up and feeling good.Other times,I can be down and feeling not so good.That is how it is when one has BPD.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have Schizophrenia and with that,I have hallucinatory affects.I hear things that other people can't hear and at times,people get the wrong idea of people who suffer and struggle with this.They always accuse you of being on drugs,such as marijuana,cocaine or worse than those,LSD/Acid or that you are a heavy drinker of alcoholic beverages.One minute,I can hear a voice call my name and there is nobody there.Another minute,I hear footsteps and when I look around,there is nobody there.When I continue on,these things come back and I am back at square one by turning around again and seeing nobody.It makes me feel confused and baffled at times.This psychiatric double whammy that I have also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.At times,I get tempted to act out on the unnatural desires that I have and those temptations can be very overwhelming at times.I am in therapy for the psychiatric double whammy that I have,but when in that particular therapy,I leave out my SSA struggles as mental health therapy is so one sided when it comes to the struggle with SSA.Those in the mental health profession preach that everyone who has unnatural sexual desires and feelings for members of their own gender should simply act out on them and not feel guilty about doing so.The thing is that my Heavenly Father,through his sacred word the Holy Bible,condemns this sort of thing.The Holy Bible,the word of the sovereign Lord and creator of the world,including those who live in the world,and the universe,condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.The Holy Bible states that such activity is unclean,impure,unnatural,inappropriate,obscene and just plain wrong.The Holy Bible also says that those who indulge in that type of practice will not inherit his kingdom.I was tempted to act out today,but I was out of the house pretty much today and being out of the house took my mind off of the unnatural sexual desires that I have.It also helped lessen the temptations.Though I escaped today unscathed,I am again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read the posts that I write here to please continue praying for me.I also ask that y'all please leave me some encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.I need them both each and every day.They both help keep me going.They also help keep me strong in my determination and motivation.Thanks to y'all in advance for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,since it is going to rain all day,I am thinking of simply staying home and catching up on some much needed house cleaning.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I didn't have too much to do today.I ran a few errands that needed to be run.I first went to the local hospital to pick up another application.After that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia.This psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with is difficult in itself.It also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.This morning,I actually gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and I wound up ejaculating.Yes,it was to sexual images of men that clouded my mind.I really felt miserable for giving into this temptation.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him.I asked him for forgiveness in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I was tempted throughout the day to do it again,but I stayed outside and kept busy.I keep planning on making frequent prayer a part of my day,but I keep forgetting.I have to really buckle down and make frequent prayer throughout the day a habit.Lately,I have been praying mostly for forgiveness of my sins when I fall short in my efforts to overcome SSA and everything connected with it.These unnatural sexual desires that I have are terrible and disgusting.I know that they represent the deeper emotional needs that I have,which are the same needs as every guy has.The thing is that I am trying,but so far,I am still all alone.I am going to groups,such as Holy Bible study groups and I have also hooked up with an addictions group,though the group is on hold since two weeks ago as a result of the group leader being sick and under the weather.I am hoping that he gets better soon and the groups will start again.Again,I need to buckle down and make frequent prayer a part of my day and my life.I have been neglecting to do that and I am going to have to start doing that.Again,I have been neglecting that and I have to really be tough on myself and start doing that.While I am working on that,I am again asking that you all continue to pray for me and leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section as I need both prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.They both help in many ways.Yes,they do.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my two study groups and picking up another job application,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
Before I did what I had to do,I had a talk with my job placement counselor and we are to meet next week and the Dept. of Labor in my hometown to see about looking up other jobs and see if at least one job or more interests me.After we talked on the phone,I set about my day and I also had a visit with my case worker and the session with her went well.After she left,I left the house to run a few errands that I had to run.
I went to a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed and after that,I headed over to the local Salvation Army thrift store to look around and when I was done with that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my medication.After paying the co-pay for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I started to prepare my evening meal.While that was being done,I did some more personal PC work.
After eating,I did some more personal PC work and I watched a little TV.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and Schizophrenia.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate pretty much daily,or at other times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.I never know how I will be emotionally or mood-wise.I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia,which makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still in therapy,for which I have a session next Monday and not next Tuesday like I initially thought.I am also still taking my medication as directed.The psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.It's bad enough that I struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia.My SSA struggles are more difficult as a result of this psychiatric double whammy that I have.I am always tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and the temptations can be very overwhelming.They can be anything from being tempted to look at porn or manipulating my genitals to sexual images of men clouding my mind or the worst temptation,which is going out to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.Whenever temptation does come,I pray to my Heavenly Father and I ask him for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me fight and resist these terrible temptations.I ask for strength constantly.I do feel much stronger after that.Fellow blog followers,I again ask that all of you please continue praying for me.I also ask for some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.Please pray for me and please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things to help me keep going and to keep both my determination and my motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for those things.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and as a result of the area that I live in being under a high wind warning and advisory,I stayed home and decided to catch up on some much needed work around the house.
It took me several hours,but I managed to get the work that needed to get done accomplished.After that,I relaxed and did a little bit of reading.
After eating,I decided to pop a movie into the DVD player and watched it.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with,which is BPD/Schizophrenia.Today,i am feeling a little down due to the weather that we were having today.It was windy,cold and rainy.There is nothing to do in my hometown when the weather pattern is like that.It is boring and the only thing to do is to simply stay home and just try to get through the day the best that I can.Today,I simply decided to do some much needed work around the house and I feel a little bit better that I did that.Still,it would have been well if the weather wasn't the way that it was today.Right now,the addictions group that I go to weekly is now on hold while the group leader is sick and is hoping to get well soon so the group meetings will resume soon.I have an appointment with the nurse practitioner next Tuesday at the local hospital and that will take care of my therapy for this year alongside the session that I have with my therapist soon after.It's bad enough that I struggle with the psychiatric double whammy that I have.I also struggle with SSA and that struggle is difficult in itself.My BPD/Schizophrenia struggle makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.Today,though I gave the struggle to my Heavenly Father and let him handle it,I was still tempted to indulge in sinful sexual stuff,such as looking at pornography,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect to sexual images of men and also,I was tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as stated,I stayed home today rather than go out and feed that particular temptation.The temptations get even more overwhelming each time they come around.When you get through a day without giving into these temptations,there is always the next day and the more resistance that I put up,the more stronger and overwhelming the temptations get.I understand that being tempted and enduring temptation isn't sinful,but it is a sin to give into temptation.I asked my Heavenly Father for strength to help me fight and resist these terrible and overwhelming urges.I asked him for that strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ because I really needed and wanted to be strong to fight these terrible temptations.I did feel better and much stronger after that.I am again asking that y'all who repeatedly follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time at the moment.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me some positive and encouraging words in the comments section.My blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rarely left.Your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement are both very powerful tools.They can do a lot more than you think.They both help keep me going.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed over to pick my father up for church.He called me as I was getting out of bed and left a message on the voice-mail and before I jumped into the shower,he called again and I said that I would be on my way soon.I picked him up and we headed for church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
The study class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow congregants,my father and I headed straight home.
After dropping off my father,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I quickly got out of my suit and into my sweatsuit.I fixed myself a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch.After eating them,I quickly did my personal PC work.After that was done,I got dressed into casual clothes and I went to see a movie at the local bargain cinema.
I enjoyed the movie and after picking up a couple of things at a local supermarket,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed back into a sweatsuit and I put the stuff that I bought away.I also heated up a light dinner in the microwave and after that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I am still in my daily struggle against the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia.I am still in therapy for that and I am still taking my medication as directed.While I am still doing those latter things,which do help,I still go through the ups and downs of the emotional roller coaster ride.I also still go through hallucinations where I hear things that nobody else hears,such as voices calling my name or hearing footsteps and other sorts of sounds.It is a very difficult struggle that I go through in regards to the psychiatric double whammy that I have.Last night,while sitting in a chair,I prayed to my Heavenly Father.I prayed by handing my SSA struggle over to him.In the name of his son Jesus Christ,I asked him to help me feel whole and to make me whole.I also asked him to help me in my healing from this terrible emotional condition.I also asked him to help me become the man that he intended and wants me to be.I prayed to my Heavenly Father concerning these things for a little over ten minutes and after I was finished,I felt really good.It also made me feel better.Before I turned in for the evening,I did ask my Heavenly Father for strength to help me fight and resist the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.Today,though I was tempted to masturbate an erection during the wee early morning hours,it wasn't that bad.I simply started to get out of bed and that made the erection soften.I spent most of the day outside of home and that was great.I am again asking that my fellow blog followers please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive verbal encouragement.I still need both prayerful and positive verbal support.I need both of these things.Please do both of these things for me.I would really appreciate that.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
Firstly,I spent a few minutes with my father and after we talked some,I headed out to do some stuff that I had planned.
I went back that AMVETS thrift store in the next county to pick up some more stuff.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed and I did some more personal PC work.
After eating,I decided to watch a little bit of TV and after that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing with everything that I struggle with.I struggle with the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from day to day,or at other times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't enough,the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia makes it really difficult for me.At times,I hear things that nobody else hears,such as voices calling my name,footsteps while I am walking and when I turn to see,there is nobody there.At times,this really drains me energy-wise and also,it can be emotionally draining.If having that psychiatric double whammy wasn't bad enough,I also have SSA and this morning,I gave into the temptation to masturbate when sexual images of men clouded my mind and I gave into the temptation.I did ask my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I did feel better after doing so.The thing is that I still have to work on staying tough with myself as I don't want to let the unnatural sexual desires that I have own me and take over my whole being.I don't want to let the unnatural sexual desires that I have own me.I have to let them know that I own them and not let them own me.I now have to really start working hard on this thing.I need to really start to pray regularly and keep it up.I really need all the strength that I can get.I also need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also need all the positive verbal support that I can get.Fellow blog followers,I again ask that y'all please continue praying for me.I need your prayers desperately.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I see that my blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments of any sort are rare.I don't want to feel alone in my SSA struggles as I do when nobody who visits leaves me any encouraging comments.Your prayers and positive verbal encouragement are both very powerful tools.They help keep me going in this particular struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.They also both show that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a little bit better.Thanks to all of you in advance for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual in the morning and I am also hoping to go to see a movie tomorrow afternoon,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
The main thing on my agenda today was that I had an appointment to meet with the same priest that I talked with last month in hopes of connecting with a Courage support group.I headed over into a city in the next county to talk with him.
The meeting went wonderfully well.After it was all over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at an AMVETS thrift store and I purchased a few things.After paying for those things,I headed to a local supermarket when I was back in my home town and bought something there.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my clothes and into a sweatsuit.I prepared my evening meal and I relaxed while eating it and watching a DVD.I stayed home for the rest of the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle against the symptoms of BPD and Schizophrenia.This psychiatric double whammy that I have can really be draining both energy-wise and emotionally.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia and that can really be a difficult thing to endure.I am still in therapy and I have a session two days before Thanksgiving and I am also still taking my medication as directed.The thing with mental health therapy is that it is one-sided.On one corner,it helps deal with the symptoms and the affects of what the psychiatric diagnosis is.The other thing is that it refuses to understand things,such as the SSA struggle.The mental health professionals are always insisting that individuals should accept their sexual identities as they are and go out and live their lives in accordance to what their sexual identities are.The thing with me personally is this;I have refused to live my life like that.The Holy Bible,the word of the sovereign Lord and creator of the world,the people living on it and the only true God,condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.It flat out says that the sexual activity between two members of the same gender is wrong,inappropriate,and sinful.Not only that,the sinful sexual lifestyle associated with that sinful lifestyle is a very highly destructive lifestyle.There is also no real love connected with that sinful lifestyle.It is a lifestyle of never ending sexual promiscuity that can lead to AIDS and many other sexually transmitted diseases.I am trying to live my life in accordance to what my Heavenly Father,through his word the Holy Bible,wants me to live my life.I know that I will fall short at times,but my Heavenly Father is there to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ.When I do fall short,I simply ask my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I also accept full and total responsibility for my fall.I do feel better after that and I can move on with my day once that is done.Follow blog followers,I am again asking that all of you continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time as I am still struggling right now and it is a very difficult one indeed.I am also asking that all of you please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your encouraging words.They both help keep me going in this struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.I really need both your prayers and your words of positive encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual and I am also hoping to go see a movie,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group,which went wonderfully well.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed over to a local supermarket to turn in all the bottles and cans that I had collected that had accumulated in my back seat.After that,I bought a gallon of milk and after paying for it,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station and got some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the milk in the fridge and I relaxed for a bit as I did feel a little tired.I also did some more personal PC work.
After eating a light dinner,I headed over to my Thursday evening study group and that also went wonderfully well.After that was over,I went to a local supermarket to but one more thing and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into night clothes and headed for evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD and Schizophrenia.I am always battling these things and the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD can be pretty monotonous at times.I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia.If that wasn't bad enough,I also struggle with SSA and those struggles are made even more difficult by the psychiatric double whammy that I have.For much of the day,I kept busy by staying out in the community and that took my mind off of the sexual stuff.But when I was alone at home,the images of men clouded my mind and I lost myself by "near masturbation",but managed to stop myself.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ for giving into that particular temptation.I did feel better,but I still need to get tough on myself.I need to start saying "NO!" when these things start coming into my mentality.I need to start really praying and really start asking for strength to fight and resist these urges.I need to stay strong and show the unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.I need to really get tough and say that I won't let them,the unnatural desires,dictate to nor define who I am and who I will be.I am also again asking for prayers by y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts.I am always in need of prayer.I also need some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Please continue praying for me and also,please don't forget to leave me some positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of meeting with the priest that I met with a month ago for another counseling session,I have really nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I got an unexpected request from my next door neighbor early this afternoon.I went with her so she could pick up her pet cat at a local animal hospital.After that,we headed straight home.
When we got home,I went into the house to use the bathroom as I really had to use it.After that,I headed back out to run a few errands and when they were done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did a little bit more personal PC work and went out to clean the backseat of my car of all the empty bottles and cans that had accumulated over many weeks so I can take them back to the store tomorrow after my Thursday morning group.After that,I went back into the house to prepare my evening meal.
After eating that,I watched a little TV and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,on my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD and the symptoms of Schizophrenia.I never know how my mods and/or emotions will be from one day to the day,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.It's bad enough that I struggle with this terrible psychiatric double whammy that I have.I also struggle with SSA and my psychiatric issues make the SSA struggle even more difficult to deal with.I have to put up with continuous hallucinations and those can be sexual images of other men that are not around me,but only in my mind.They flood my mind tempting me to act out on them constantly by lusting and fantasizing.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as usual,whenever that temptation comes,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed that particular temptation,which is never an easy choice to make.The struggles that I have can be draining emotionally and also,they can even be draining of my physical energy as I do have a lot of energy for a person my age and as a result of a few physical limitations,I can't do certain exercises like running,jogging or any type of exercise that involves the use of my feet.I am always tempted to act out by fantasies and lusting and I am always crying for help in prayer because I don't want to act out nor do I even want to struggle with this SSA as at times,I am really tired of it all.Still,I am going to stay in the fight and not give in to any temptations nor surrender to these unnatural desires that I have.That is what Satan and his minions would want me to do and I can never give them what they want.The reason is that acting out will never fulfill my needs authentically nor will it give me the satisfaction that I really need.Fellow followers,I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me.I still and always need your prayerful support.I am also in need of some positive verbal encouragement.Please pray for me.Please don't be shy and leave me some positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They both continually reassure me.They also keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my usual Thursday morning spirituality group,my plans to return all the bottles and cans in my car and my evening Holy Bible study group,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I had only a few things on my agenda for today.I first went over to a friend's place to pick up something and after that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also popped A DVD in the player and I watched it.I also managed to give my visiting father a call and talked with him for a while.
After eating,I went to visit with my father for a short spell and after spending some time with him,I went back home to get ready to retire for the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the symptoms of Schizophrenia.I have a psychiatric double whammy that is very difficult to deal and struggle with on a daily basis.I am still in therapy and taking my medication as directed for this particular struggle,but at times,despite my being pro-active in this,the struggle can be very overwhelming at times and can be very difficult to endure.If having this psychiatric double whammy wasn't bad enough,I also struggle with SSA,which can be also be very difficult to struggle with and endure.My psychiatric problems can contribute to the difficulty of my SSA struggle at times.I am always tempted to act out in many ways,such as fantasies,lusting and even the biggest temptation,which is going out to seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.When that latter temptation happens,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed it.I have to continually keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural sexual desires that I have will never give me the fulfillment that I need to benefit me.I have to continually keep in mind that my needs are emotional in nature and not sexual.I need to have them fulfilled in authentic ways rather than indulging in meaningless sinful sexual activity that won't give me any kind of positive fulfillment.I was tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep,but it didn't last very long.I turned another way in bed and the erection softened within less than a couple of minutes and I fell fast asleep again.Today,though I wasn't out very long,I really didn't have too much problems with the SSA.Though I was tempted a little throughout the day,I just stayed busy and that kept my mind off of the unnatural sexual desires and any sexual thoughts.Though I did escape today,I know that tomorrow is another day.I am again asking that y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things daily and desperately to keep me self-confidence and self-esteem intact.They both also help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Please do both of things for me as I really need them.I will also keep praying as well.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work.Today,since it was raining,I chose to stay home and take it easy for the day.It was raining throughout the day and I simply didn't feel like going out.
Since I stayed home,I chose to simply relax and catch up on some reading that I have been putting off.It was simply reading a few Holy Bible based publications and using my copy of the Holy Bible alongside what I was reading.After doing that,I watched a few DVD's and relaxed while watching them.Over the weekend,I managed to put a couple more job applications in and I am hoping for the best.I am also hoping that it will lead to a job somewhere down the line.
After eating,I decided to do a little bit more personal PC work and watch another DVD or two.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle against the symptoms of both BPD and Schizophrenia.This struggle never gets any easier.I am not saying that it gets worse by the day,but at times,it does get worse.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate by the day,or at other times,by the minute/moment within the same day.It is a very difficult thing to struggle with and though I am in therapy and I do take medication,it still doesn't get any easier.It also doesn't make my SSA struggle any easier,either.The psychiatric double whammy that I have makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.I have to putt up with voices telling me to do things and the voices can get quite monotonous.At times,struggling with both of these things can be emotionally draining and exhausting.At times,I wish that I didn't have to struggle with any of these things,especially SSA,which is very difficult to struggle with in and of itself.The SSA struggle is as much a rocky road as the struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia is.Again,it never gets any easier.I face temptation to act out on the unnatural desires that I have day in and day out.The temptations can be very overwhelming at times.I am still working on being tough with myself in this regard.I have to show that I won the desires and not the desires owning me.I also have to show that I own my sexuality and not my sexuality owning me.I have to work on telling these temptations constantly that I own them and they don't own me.I am working on trying making my body my slave and not me being a slave to my body.I am again asking for all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please keep praying for me.I need your prayers desperately and often.I also need some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.It is just that when nobody comments in the comments section when visiting my blog,I feel all alone when I don't get any words of positive encouragement.Please leave me something encouraging and positive in the comments section as I really do need some positive verbal encouragement right now.Words of positive encouragement,when combined with prayers,are very very powerful and can help in many ways,such as boosting self-confidence and self-esteem and also assuring that those who struggle are not alone in their struggle.They also help keep both my motivation and determination strong.They also help keep me going.Thanks in advance to all of you for your positive verbal encouragement and your continued prayers.Thanks also to my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I quickly showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and headed out the door for church.Today,my father,who is visiting from out of town,asked if he come with me today yesterday and I picked him up and we both went together.We both attended the morning's Holy Bible study class as well.
The class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,we left and I dropped my father off at the house of one of my nephew's.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a sweatsuit and did my personal PC work.After that,I headed out to run a few errands that needed to be run and I was hoping to visit with a few friends,but I saw that the sky was getting very cloudy with some storm clouds and I decided to head straight home just in case if a storm was coming.
When I got home,I put the stuff away that I bought and after that,I relaxed and did a little reading.
After eating,I popped a DVD into my DVD player and watched it.I relaxed the rest of the evening.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day,as for me,going to church on Sunday makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have to deal and struggle with the symptoms of Schizophrenia at the same time.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate when I least expect them to.I also have to put up with hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia as well.This particular struggle also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.I have to also put up with the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.I get tempted to act out by fantasies,lusting and to go out to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.I never know when these temptations are going to strike.Regarding the psychiatric double whammy that I have,I am still in therapy and I am still taking my medication as directed.It is just that I have to battle the SSA alongside the psychiatric double whammy that I have.These struggles really stress me out at times and can also drain me emotionally.At times,I feel pretty exhausted as far as emotions go.These struggle never get any easier.At times,as I stated previously,I wish that I didn't have to struggle with SSA nor have the temptations associated with it.I am again asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive encouragement.I need both prayers and positive verbal encouragement desperately.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Please continue to pray for me and please leave me some words of positive encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide,
As for tomorrow,since it will rain tomorrow,I am just going to stay home and relax and take it easy.
That was my day today and my hopes for the ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today,
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda for today.
I didn't have too much to do today.I simply ran a few errands and I also paid a visit to a friend's place and spent a few minutes with him.After that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local McDonald's to have a couple of sandwiches.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did some more personal PC work.I also listened to a little bit of music while doing that.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with BPD and Schizophrenia.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one minute to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.My SSA struggles are also a lot more difficult as a result of this psychiatric double whammy that I have.Aside from the mood fluctuations and the hallucinatory affects of this particular psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.My SSA struggles are far more difficult with this because I hear things and/or voices that nobody else hears.I am still attending my therapy sessions and continuing to regularly take my medication as directed.Today,I almost fell again into sin as I was tempted to look up Homosexual themed porn online and also,look at sexual images of men online as well.I had to really fight and resist these urges to look at these things.The thing is if I give into the temptation to view and look at these things,I am feeding the urges and acting out on them by doing this.I struggle day after day with this terrible SSA and it can be emotionally draining at times.There are also times that I wish that I didn't struggle with this terrible SSA.There are also times that I get tired of struggling with this terrible SSA.I really do want to heal from this SSA and I want to feel like a man.I also want to be the man that my Heavenly Father intended me to be.The thing about this is that I do feel all alone in this struggle,though I know that I am not alone as I know that there are other men who struggle with SSA as well.I am simply talking about feeling alone in the territory that I live because there isn't too much for a man like me to get involved with.I mean,I just started with an addiction conquering support group and I am hoping that in time,I can conquer my addictions to genital manipulation,masturbation and pornography.I am going to try and make my resolve to start praying to my Heavenly Father a lot more.Most of the time,I have been praying to ask to be forgiven when I fall into temptation.I want to be break free from these terrible addictions that I have as they are starting to have a hold on me once again.I need to start making it my resolve to pray more and more.I will continue going to church,going to my study groups and also,continue attending the conquering addictions support group.I also have an appointment with the priest that I talked to a month ago and I will continue those as well.But again,I have to make it my resolve to start praying regularly as I now know that I have been neglecting to do that pretty much.I am also again asking that y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please keep on praying for me and also,please leave me some positive encouraging words in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement so I won't feel alone in this struggle.Please fellow followers and fellow brothers who also struggle with SSA,I need both your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement desperately.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
For much of the day,I was out in the community running a few errands.I collected a few bottles and cans and I also did a little shopping at a local supermarket.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I prepared my evening meal.While eating,I watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player and watched the rest after I was finished eating.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I was feeling disillusioned and saddened early this evening.I gave into temptation by masturbating.Yes admittedly,sexual images of men did cloud my mind and since I do live alone since my mother died last year,I gave into them.I live alone and I do feel lonely at times.This Sunday,my mom's birthday will be here and my mother would have been 84 if she lived a little longer.I am still feeling her absence and it's harder for me than it is for my locally living sister because I lived with my mom in the house until the day she died a little over a year ago.I am not trying to justify nor excuse the fall.No,far from it.I was simply sitting in a chair at home and I gave into these terrible temptations.I hate that I struggle with this terrible SSA.I hate that I find members of my own gender sexually attractive.I hate that I sinned.I hate everything having to do with this terrible struggle with this terrible SSA.I hate that I feel practically all alone in this terrible struggle as far as living in the area that I live goes.I understand that the condition itself is not sinful.It is the sexual activity that is associated with Homosexuality that is sinful.I want to heal from this terrible SSA condition.I want to change.I want to be the man that my Heavenly Father intended me to be.I also want to be the man that I was meant to be,but somehow,my male identity got lost somewhere and I am trying to find it and reconnect with it.I am talking about my gender identity,which is male and is actually my true identity,and not just my gender identity,but also,male is also my true sexual identity.The thing is that Homosexual/Gay is a false identity and that identity does nothing to enhance any sexual identity,but simply wrecks,destroys and simply ruins lives.I don't want my life ruined by that terrible sinful sexual activity connected with this terrible SSA.After I fell,I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and I poured myself out to him.I left nothing out.I did feel better after I was finished,but I have to keep working on myself.I have to work on stopping myself from falling into sin so much.I have to be careful that I don't become a habitual sinner again like I was before I discovered the truth about Homosexuality/SSA.I don't want to fall into that trap of becoming a habitual sinner.I am again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me.I need your prayers desperately.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.Your positive verbal encouragement can be in the form of scriptural upbuilding,spiritual encouragement or simply to continue pressing on.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Please everyone.I don't want to feel that I am all alone.I know that I am not really all alone in this particular struggle,but in my area,I do feel all alone as there aren't any programs that help men like me who struggle with this terrible SSA.I really want to heal from this terrible SSA.Please pray for me.Please leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I really and desperately need both of those things.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday as usual,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After showering,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I headed over to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed over to the house of one of my nephews and had a bowl of homemade soup that my father made.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed over to my Thursday evening Holy Bible study group.
That group also was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my clothes and into my night clothes.I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still having a very difficult time dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the symptoms of Schizophrenia alongside that.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate constantly They can be up and feeling good one day/minute/moment and down the next day/minute/moment.I also have to put up with hearing things that only I can hear and nobody else can hear and that really can stress me out and also,drain me emotionally.I still attend my therapy sessions.I also continue taking my medication as directed.The psychiatric double whammy that I have also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.In my struggles with SSA,I have to deal and put up with temptations coming at me left and right and also,these temptations range from going out to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity to watching pornography online.They can also range from being tempted to masturbate and/or manipulate my genitals while lusting and fantasizing with other men,like today,I gave into that particular temptation and I really felt miserable.I prayed hard to my Heavenly Father and I asked him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and I did feel better after that.I am also again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please keep up in prayer for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement desperately.They both help keep me going and also,they help keep my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as today was a big day.
Today was a big day because my father came into town and we had lunch at a restaurant where they served roast beef sandwiches and we could help ourselves to vegetable at the bar.It was a wonderful lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I dropped a couple of newspapers off and when that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I headed for the bathroom as I had to use it badly.After that,I did a little bit more personal PC work.After that,I went and got some gas and I headed over to the house at one of my nephews and we had pizza and chicken wings for dinner.After eating and having a little bit of conversation,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend was doing and after spending some time with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did a little bit more personal PC work.I also popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it.Overall,a very good and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.The ups and downs of BPD can be draining and stressful.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also battle symptoms of Schizophrenia and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult as I have to put with hallucinatory things that only I can hear and nobody else can.It also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult at the same time.Today,I was plagued,though minimally,to indulge in sinful lusting and fantasies of other men and even this morning,my temptations to masturbate came when I was awakened by an erection.Fortunately for me,I had to use the bathroom,so I got out of bed and I headed for there and when I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went right back to bed and subsequently to sleep.Fortunately for me,I stayed out and about for much of the day and also,the anticipation of my father's visit and having lunch and dinner out with the family took my mind off of anything sexual with other men.I have also been feeling minimal temptation to indulge in fantasies and lusting since getting involved with the addictions support group on Monday night and looking forward to the next one.I am hoping that these good things and feelings continue onward.Of course,I got through today unscathed,but there is always tomorrow.I am hoping that tomorrow will be just like today.I am going to keep up praying myself,but I also ask that all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please keep up praying for me.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.I need both prayerful and positive verbal support at the same time.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my two spirituality groups in both the morning and the evening,I have nothing much planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and headed out to pay some much needed bills that needed to be paid.After that,I stopped a few local stores to buy a few more things that I needed and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and I also had my evening meal,which was light.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have.Fortunately,I am still attending my therapy sessions. and I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I also battle the terrible demon known as SSA,which is also a very difficult struggle in itself.Today,since I spent most of the day out and about in the community,I wasn't distressed by these things.I kept busy by being out and about in the community.I simply did what I had to do and it was wonderful.It took my mind off of sexual thoughts with men and it also kept me at ease.It was great that I had no distressing things today.I also think that going to the group last night for conquering addictions also helped as well.My mind,last night,actually felt refreshed and it also felt pretty good.I am now going to really pray to my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ tonight before I go to sleep.I have a feeling that they led me to this group and I am feeling a bit better now and I am hoping to feel a lot much better in the future by continuing to attend meetings each week.Fellow blog followers,please continue praying for me and also please leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I still need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and my motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,my father is coming for a visit and I really don't know how long he is going to stay.I am hoping that his visit is a wonderful one.I am also hoping to catch up on some much needed shopping myself.Aside from these things,I have nothing else planned.I hope that whatever I do choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had some things planned.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up some much needed food and groceries.After that,I paid a few bills and went to another local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I headed back out tonight to attend a meeting at a local church,which is a Holy Bible based addictions group where people can talk about things without being judged and/or negatively criticized by others.It was my first meeting and I headed there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group meeting was wonderful.I got a lot out of it.I will be going to the next meeting next Monday evening.After it was all over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into my night clothes and I relaxed.I also watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player until I was sleepy.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD,it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride and the symptoms of schizophrenia.I deal and struggle with these things on a daily basis and it never gets any easier.It gets tougher and tougher by the day.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be.I also never know how the hallucinatory effects of the schizophrenic tendencies that I have will come around with noises and voices that only I can hear and nobody else hears.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier.I am always hearing voices in my head telling me to seek out other men and indulge in sinful sexual activity with them.I get tempted all the time to indulge in some form of sinful sexual activity that is connected with the SSA struggle and condition.If it isn't the temptation watch pornography of all kinds and mess with my private parts while watching that.It could be to simply mess with my private parts and imagine myself in sinful sexual activity with other men,which is associated with lust and fantasies.It also could be to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that temptation comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home.The thing that I keep seeing each and every day is that my life is always in danger as a result of my struggles with SSA.Why?The sinful sexual lifestyle of any man active in that sinful lifestyle is a life of danger,destruction and a road to nowhere.The only thing that any man active in that sinful lifestyle has to look forward to is never ending sexual promiscuity that can lead to AIDS later on in life,which kills people that it infects because AIDS is still currently incurable.The SSA struggle,coupled with the psychiatric double whammy that I have,can really be stressful and can be energy draining.It can wear a person out psychologically and the effects can cause psychological drowsiness.Fellow blog followers and readers,I am again asking for prayers from all of you as I am always in constant need of prayers.I am also asking that y'all who follow and read my blog to please continue leaving me some positive encouraging words in the comments section.I need both prayerful and positive verbal support.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.My blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rarely left.I need some positive verbal encouragement alongside your prayers.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed over to the church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
The class and the worship service were both wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow congregants,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped a few local stores to pick up some things for lunch and dinner.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff away and had myself some lunch.After I was done with that,I did my personal PC work and when that was done,I headed back out to pick up a few more things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I started to prepare my evening meal and that went well.After eating,I decided to do a little bit more personal PC work and I watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day,as for me,going to church on Sunday makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still battling and dealing with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride,alongside the symptoms of schizophrenia.It is a double whammy that I struggle with psychiatric-wise and it never gets any easier.I am always hearing things that nobody else hears and I am also up and feeling good one day/minute and down and not so good the next day/minute.It never gets any easier to endure.The only good thing was that last night,I slept soundly without having the nightmares of committing suicide.Regarding that,I checked out a website that interprets dreams and when I checked suicide out,it explained that this represents a desperate attempt to escape your waking life.The other possibilities that it explained that I may be harboring feelings of guilt That I feel that I can't get over and I am turning aggression on myself.It advised that I needed to start approaching problems from a different angle.It also explained that another possibility is that I am saying goodbye to one aspect of myself and saying hello to a whole new me.It is symbolic of a personal transformation or a new stage of my life.I am taking this to mean that I am always continually saying goodbye to the old me that was once an active Homosexual/Gay man and trying to take on my true male identity,which I somehow lost connection with as I was growing up to be an adult male.I am still,in desperation,trying to regain my true identity,which is male,and the Heterosexual/Straight man that I am trying to recover and apply to myself.I am a male.I am also a man.I was born a male for a reason.If my Heavenly Father,the sovereign Lord and creator of this Earth and world,humanity and the universe surrounding the Earth constantly,meant for me to be a female,I would have been born a female,but as stated,I was born a male and I am a male as my Heavenly Father made me and meant for me to be a male.The thing is this;I have been battling Homosexuality/SSA for over a decade now.I have fallen short repeatedly,but I get back and start fresh after asking my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ,who endured torture and gave his life on a cross so I may live in freedom from all sorts of sin and not have to be enslaved to any sort of sin anymore.I know that I shouldn't make Heterosexuality my true and main goal in this process of healing and freedom from Homosexuality/SSA,but I so desperately need to attain my true identity so bad because the SSA struggle can stress me out at times and at those times,I feel very fed up by this struggle as I can get so tired of this struggle that I have said to myself at times,even loudly,that "I Don't Want To Struggle With This Emotional Condition Anymore! I Am So Sick Of This Struggle! I Want To Be The Man That My Heavenly Father Intended Me To Be!"At times,the SSA struggle stresses me out so much that I really don't know whether I am coming or going.Coupled with my struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia,it gets even more difficult and stressful.Fellow blog followers and readers,I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me as I am going through this very terrible and difficult emotional time.I really need your prayers and your continuous positive verbal encouragement.My blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments in the comments section.Please pray for me and please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also show that I am not alone in this struggle.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though I did oversleep a little,and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had only my usual 2 cups of coffee as I had no time to sit down and eat breakfast.I only overslept because I had a very difficult time trying to get to sleep last night.I got dressed real quickly and I headed over to the Men's Network meeting.I was running late today and I managed to make it there,though I was late.
The meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I saw that it was starting to rain.I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and had my usual quick breakfast.After that,I decided to lay down and take a nap because I was still feeling drowsy from last night as a result of my difficulty of trying to get to sleep last night.I slept for an hour and half and after my nap,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to pop a movie into the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I decided to watch a little bit of TV and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I am also still struggling with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.Lately,I have been having the feelings of not knowing whether I have been coming or going.I have also been having some pretty scary and very terrible nightmares.I have been having bad dreams of me jumping off a bridge into water to drown myself and these nightmares have been waking me up out of a deep sleep constantly.These bad dreams have been happening to me pretty much and I really don't know why I have been having them.I have been tossing and turning whenever these terrible dreams have been coming.I wake up out of a deep sleep gasping.In reality,I have no plans to kill myself nor have I been thinking about killing myself.These dreams have been happening and it is the first time in four years that I have been having these sorts of terrible dreams.Four years ago,I had nightmares of hanging myself in a abandoned place out in the countryside.Now,they have me jumping off of a bridge into a body of water.I am hoping that these dreams stop soon.During the mid afternoon,I prayed to my Heavenly Father and I really talked about everything that has been happening.I also talked about my struggles with the terrible SSA that I have been struggling with for most of my life.I left nothing out.I poured my soul out to my Heavenly Father.I asked him for strength to help me endure through all of this negativity in regards to both my BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA struggles.I left nothing out and I kept up praying until I felt better.I felt more relieved and felt like a giant weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.I also asked for forgiveness of my sins that I have committed and asked for his help to help me through all of these terrible negative affects of my struggles with the psychiatric double whammy that I have and the SSA struggles that I have.I felt relieved and much more at ease.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.I also thank them both for listening to me and hearing me.I feel a little bit better and it does give me a pretty good feeling.
To all my fellow blog followers,I am again asking that all of you continue in praying for me.I need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also ask that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please leave me some encouraging words.Don't be shy if you come to visit.I need both prayerful and positive and encouraging verbal support.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I didn't have too much today.I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things and after that,I got some gas in my tank and I also bought a few things at other places.I also managed to get a replacement band for my wrist watch.After all of these things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away.I also started to prepare my evening meal.While eating,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply throw this struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden.I ask him for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I ask for strength to help me endure through the negative affects of this particular psychiatric double whammy that I have.They both help in sustaining me and also make me feel much calmer and more at ease.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I fell again for the second consecutive time.I masturbated early this morning and yes,sexual images of men did cloud my mind.I gave into this terrible unclean,dirty and disgusting habit.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning and I also begged and pleaded for his mercy on me as I prayed because I was really sorry for giving into this terrible temptation.I was sad and disillusioned as a result of my falling into sin this morning.I prayed and prayed and I did feel better after doing so.Fellow blog followers,I am again asking that y'all continue to pray for me.Yes,I am.I need your prayers desperately.I am really sick of this terrible SSA struggle.I am not going to give up,but I do need prayers and also,I need some words of positive encouragement as I am going through a very difficult emotional time.I hate it that I have these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with this terrible SSA.I hate everything connected to this terrible SSA.Please fellow blog followers,I am asking that y'all continue praying for me and also,please don't be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things desperately.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I don't want to feel alone in this particular struggle.I know that I am not alone in this as I know that there are other men who also struggle with SSA.I feel all alone when I don't get any encouraging words in the comments section.Please leave me something encouraging and also,prayers are also appreciated.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of a Men's Network meeting tomorrow and church as usual on Sunday,I have really nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work.
Today,I was hoping to go to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group,but I had a terrible stomach-ache and after finishing my personal PC work in the morning,I laid down for a while after taking some Rolaids for it.
Fortunately,I was actually feeling better after my nap and I proceeded to get ready for the afternoon Halloween party.I got dressed and I headed for there.
The party was wonderful.After some fun there and when it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put my pajamas on and watched a few Halloween cartoons.I stayed home for the rest of the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I throw this struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden.I also ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to help me endure through the negative affects of this psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.They both help me in keeping me sustained and much more at ease.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning by masturbating.Yes,I did.I really felt miserable after giving into this terrible temptation.After washing my hands,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for falling short.I asked him for forgiveness for my sins.I was really sorry for what I did.After I was finished praying,I did feel a lot better after doing so.I truly believed and knew that I was forgiven and that made me feel a little better.The thing about this SSA struggle is that it is a very difficult and complicated struggle.Personally,as far as I am concerned,I really hate that I struggle with this.I hate everything having to do with this struggle.I hate everything connected with this struggle.I hate these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this struggle.I also hate the addictions that are connected with this struggle.I also hate falling when temptation sets in.I also hate that the mainstream media makes Homosexuality an acceptable,natural and normal thing,when in reality,it isn't acceptable nor is it natural or even normal.I really want to heal from this terrible condition that I struggle with.I really do want to heal.I am again appealing to my fellow blog followers and fellow men who also struggle with SSA.I am appealing that all of you please continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.I have been really feeling at edge as of late and I really don't know why.Please pray for me.I also ask that all of you who follow and/or visit my blog to please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your continued positive verbal support desperately.After this current fall,I really need some prayer and positive verbal encouragement.Both your prayers and your continued positive verbal support both help keep me going in this fight and struggle.They also strengthen both my determination and motivation.The thing is that I don't want to feel like I am all alone here.When comments of any kind are not left,I feel alone.I get many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rarely left.Please pray for me and also,don't be afraid to leave any positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these desperately.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.I also thank my Heavenly Father for his precious gift of forgiveness.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda for today.
I didn't have too much to do today.I simply ran a few errands and I also ate a local Burger King during lunchtime.I simply dropped a few newspapers off at a few people's houses and after that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I popped another DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.I relaxed for the rest of the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply throw this particular struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden.I ask him for strength to help me endure through the negative affects of this psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.I ask him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.They both help in keeping me sustained,but also,on a much calmer and level plain.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection,though it didn't last long.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom.I got out of bed and I headed for the bathroom,which made my genitals soften.When I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went right back to bed and subsequently to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in sinful lusting and fantasizing of other men and I was also tempted to "near masturbate" alongside this.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist these urges as these urges can be very overwhelming at times and today was no exception.Fortunately,I managed to escape and that was good.Though I escaped today unscathed,I am again asking that all of you continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.I also ask that y'all who continually follow my blog and read the posts to please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any type of comments.Please leave me something encouraging and also,please keep praying for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for all of your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I had my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and I am also going to a Halloween party at a church in my area.I am hoping that both are wonderful.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
Today,I ran a few more errands.I went to a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After that,I went over to a local McDonald's to have a couple of sandwiches for lunch.After that,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff away and prepared my evening meal.When it was finished,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it while eating.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply throw this particular struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden and ask him for strength to help me endure through the negatives.I ask him for this strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ.They both help in sustaining me and also,they help keep me on a much calmer plain as well as more at ease.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a little bit better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning hours when another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep,though it didn't last very long.I sat up and I sensed that I had to use the bathroom.I headed for the bathroom and that made my genitals soften.My genitals were fully soft when I was finished and I went right back to bed and to sleep.I was tempted,though minimally,throughout the day to indulge in sinful fantasies and lusting after other men.I stayed outside for much of the day and by being out in the community,it took my mind off of anything sexual with other men.I was out for much of the day and that kept me occupied.It is wonderful being out in public and by being out and about,I had really kept my mind on the tasks at hand and that was pretty good.I am again asking that all of you continue to pray for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.I need both prayers and some positive verbal encouragement.Please leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.They both help keep me going.They also keep both my determination and motivation strong.My blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rarely left.I need both prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things on my agenda for today.I went to a local supermarket to turn in bags full of empty bottles and cans that were in my car.I had to make room for other things.After collecting the money for turning them in,I headed for home to register all the bills and after that,I headed over to a nearby McDonald's to have a couple of sandwiches to tie me over until dinner.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it while relaxing.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that made my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply throw this particular struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden.I ask him for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me endure through the negative affects of this particular psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.They both help in keeping me sustained and also much calmer and more at ease.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a little bit better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection,but it didn't last very long.I sat up and proceeded to get up out of bed,which made my genitals soften.I got up and walked a little and when my genitals were fully soft,I went right back to bed and subsequently back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted,though minimally,to indulge in fantasies and lusting after other men.Today,I stayed out in the community and that took my mind off of anything sexual with men.I stayed out and did what I had to do and that kept my mind off of anything sexual.It was very good to be out and getting some air and staying busy.Though I escaped today,I am again asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please keep on praying for me.I am also asking that all of you please leave me an encouraging word of two in the comments section.I need both badly and desperately.Your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a warm sweatsuit.I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed and headed over to someone's place for a little get together.
I had fun with this person.We ate,had some laughs and talked about a lot of things.After it was all over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and put my pajamas on.I also popped a movie into the DVD player and watched it.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate by the day,or at other times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply throw this struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden.I ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to help me endure through the negative affects of this psychiatric double whammy that I have.They both help in keeping me sustained,but also much calmer and a little more at ease.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed and I decided to walk a little bit around the house.This made my genitals soften.Though it was slow going,my genitals had fully softened after a while and I went right back to bed and subsequently to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in sinful lusting and fantasizing of other men.The temptations were overwhelming.Today,I simply stayed busy doing what I was doing.I spent time with someone at their place.I had a wonderful time and that was great.It took my mind off of anything sexual with other men.Though I escaped today unscathed,I am again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.I also need some positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.Please pray for me and also,please leave some positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ