Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda for today.
Since we were until an advisory in my area,I simply went out to pick up a few things that I needed.I first stopped at a gas station to get some gas.After that,I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to buy a gallon of milk and after paying for that,I headed to a local Dollar General store to buy some windshield washer fluid.After paying for that and filling up my windshield washer reservoir with the fluid,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries that I bought away and I did a little bit more personal PC work.
After eating,I decided to pop a holiday DVD in and I watched it.I watched a few holiday cartoons since we are now in the Christmas season.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing with the psychiatric double whammy that I have,which is BPD/Schizophrenia.While that struggle is difficult in itself,my most difficult struggle is my struggle with SSA.This morning,I gave into temptation again by manipulating my genitals and yes,sexual images of men clouded my mind while I did that and I wound up ejaculating.After cleaning myself from doing that,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning in the name of his son Jesus Christ as I was really sorry for giving into that temptation.The struggle with SSA is a very difficult one indeed.I never know when temptations will start coming at me.I hate that I struggle with this and I wish that I didn't have to.I hate that I find members of my own gender sexually attractive and I hate everything connected with that.The thing is that anything connected with Homosexuality,including the sexual activity associated with it,is sinful.I understand that it isn't a sin to be tempted and that the Homosexual condition,which is emotional in itself,isn't sinful.It is a sin to act out on the unnatural desires that are connected with SSA and the temptations to act out can be very overwhelming.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life and I really need to get tough on myself and start buckling down on this problem.I need to show these unnatural desires that I have that I am stronger than they are,that I own them and they don't own me.It takes a lot of hard work,but I am willing to do that.I am not going to give up as my Heavenly Father never gives up on me.Fellow blog followers,please continue praying for me and also,I would really appreciate some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things desperately.Please pray for me and please don't be shy and leave me some positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day.
Today,I overslept and the only things that I had time for was a quick shower and a quick 2 cups of coffee.I got dressed up real quickly and I headed for church.I got there a little late for the Holy Bible study class,but I still got a lot out of it.despite that I missed the video segment that was watched and it was still wonderful.
The worship service was also wonderful.After some terrific fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things and after paying for those things,I headed to the nearby Big Lots and picked up something there.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I had my quick breakfast late,but still had it as I couldn't eat it earlier.After that,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,my head was pounding as a result of a sinus headache that I had and I took something for it.I laid down for a little over an hour and that helped me get rid of the headache.I got up and managed to catch the video segment that I missed this morning online and now,my day is complete.
After eating,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.I also did a little bit more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against the psychiatric double whammy that I have and the difficult SSA struggles that I have,which are made more difficult by my struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia.This afternoon,while trying to get a little nap as a result of my headache,I did give into the temptation to manipulate my genitals while sexual images of men clouded my mind.I did manage to stop myself before it went too far and I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him and as always,I asked him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I did feel better after doing so and I had my nap to get rid of my headache and was glad that I felt better later on.Still,I need to get tough on myself in regards to this thing.I need to get to my Heavenly Father in prayer to ask for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me fight and resist these overwhelming urges that I get that are connected with SSA and the struggle that I have with it.These urges can and do get very overwhelming.I really need to buckle down and go to my Heavenly Father in prayer whenever these overwhelming urges come at me.These temptations are terrible and I really need to let these unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.I need to work on keeping them under control.The thing is that with me,I live alone since my mother died last year and I am having it pretty bad as a result of me living alone.Again,I need to get tough on myself and buckle down by going to my Heavenly Father in prayer whenever these terrible urges come at me.I will continue working on that,but I still need prayers by my fellow blog followers.I also need some positive verbal encouragement from my fellow blog followers.I need both of these things desperately.I need these things to help me get by.They both help in a lot of ways as both prayer and positive verbal encouragement do have a lot of power and they work wonders as both are very powerful weapons that help in more ways than one.You never know how far prayers and positive verbal encouragement can go.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with a Winter Weather Advisory going into effect starting at 9:00pm and lasting until 11:00am tomorrow,I am thinking of just staying home and taking it easy and maybe continuing some more work in my old room upstairs.If the weather improves,which I doubt,I will go out to turn in another job application.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,since I overslept and it was too late to go to the Men's Network meeting,I simply went into my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had other things planned for today.
I first went to get my hair done and after that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few vital things and after that,I headed over to a local pizzeria for a few slices of pizza.After that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few more things.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I ate the pizza slices as my late lunch.After that,I headed back upstairs to continue the cleaning process in my old room so I can use it to sleep up there once again.After nearly an hour,I headed back downstairs to do a little bit more personal PC work.
After eating,I watched some old TV reruns for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and the SSA struggles that I have.Today,I actually gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and yes,sexual images of men did indeed cloud my mind.Fortunately,I managed to stop myself before it went too far and I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning.I asked for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and left nothing out.I did feel better and I truly believed that I was forgiven.Since I live alone,I have no roommates living with me as a result of my limited income and having no job,though I am still working on searching for one.I wish that I could have a roommate so that I could have someone that I could relate,identify and connect with in a healthy and authentic Christian way.Until I do find a good job,I have to stay on my own and keep trying to work on making frequent prayer through the day a part of my life.It's bad enough that I struggle with the psychiatric double whammy that I have,which makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.I wish that I didn't have to deal with the psychiatric double whammy that I have and I always wish that the SSA that I have would go away.I am tired of having SSA and I wish that I could find a way that I could resolve this.I keep praying to my Heavenly Father to point me in the direction of relationships with other men that are healthy and authentic that can lead to close friendships,bonding and the best of all,healthy and authentic Christian styled connections.That is all that I yearn and ask for.I have been praying to my Heavenly Father to lead me in the right direction,but so far,these prayers haven't been answered.I keep asking myself "What am I doing wrong in this?"If anyone who follows my blog and reads my posts,please share with me your viewpoint on what I am doing wrong and I will correct it.I need these types of relationships so I can learn and try to fill in all the emptiness that I have because I do want to be a whole man and also,to feel like a whole man.I want to feel the way that a man is supposed to feel and again,that is all that I yearn and ask for.Again,please keep up your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these desperately.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed up in dress clothes to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things on my agenda for today.I first dropped off a couple of job applications and I also paid my electric bill.I also bought a few things at a local Dollar Tree store.After that,I headed to a nursing facility to pick up another job application,which I will fill out over the weekend and turn it in on Monday.After that,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed back into a sweatsuit and I did some personal PC work.
After eating,I decided to pop a DVD into the DVD player and relax while watching it.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,the struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia are still a part of my daily life.Still,I am currently in therapy and taking my medication as directed.I have an appointment with my therapist on the 11th next week.My struggles with SSA are also very difficult as I have to put up with constant temptations to indulge in sinful sexual activity with other men and also,the temptation to indulge in fantasies and lusting with other men,including to look at online porn and online pictures of men in the nude.Yes,I get tempted to look at these things all time and to indulge.At least,I have a choice whether I want to act out or not.I can now go to my Heavenly Father in prayer and ask him for strength to fight and resist these overwhelming urges in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I ask him for this strength and I know that I get it because I don't feel the overwhelming urges anymore once I have prayed for that strength.Today,since I was out for much of the day,I didn't really have any problems.I stayed busy by pursuing jobs and by placing applications in at a couple of local businesses.I also stayed busy by shopping and just keeping my eyes on the road while driving.Still,I need prayers and positive verbal encouragement from all my fellow blog followers.Please continue praying for me and keep up saying positive encouraging words in the comments section.They help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of tomorrow's monthly Men's Network meeting and church on Sunday morning,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed real quickly to head over to my Thursday morning spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful and after that,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at my insurance agent's office to pay my car insurance bill.After that,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and I did my personal PC work.I also listened to some music while doing so.After that,I started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I got dressed again and I headed over to my usual Thursday evening Holy Bible study group,which also went wonderfully well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into bed clothes and prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some more recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the psychiatric double whammy of BPD/Schizophrenia and the terrible SSA struggle.The SSA struggle is difficult in itself,but the psychiatric double whammy that I have makes this particular struggle even more difficult.It is also difficult that I am trying to establish relationships with other men,but I am failing miserably.I keep asking myself "What am I doing wrong?" in regards to this and I can never get an answer.I know that my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ are there to help me and that I should continue working on seeking the kingdom first and my Heavenly Father's righteousness,but I also need to have positive,healthy and authentic relationships with other men that lead to friendships,bonding and healthy authentic connections,but I am not getting anywhere in this endeavor.I want to be a whole man and also,the man that my Heavenly Father intends me to be.I do want to be whole and I want to feel like a man should feel.The thing is that I really don't know how a man is supposed to feel.I also don't know what it feels like to be a man.I was never taught these things and also,my father while I was growing up never educated me in this regard.When I was a boy,the only things that I got from my father was his legalism and his physical and emotional abuse of me.I also never heard my father tell me once that he loved me.He never said it nor did he ever show it.This is the main cause of my SSA issues.This is why I am trying to establish relationships with other men so I can start learning how to be a man and also,to feel the way that a man is supposed to feel.Right now.with my SSA struggles,I don't feel like a man at all.I feel only the opposite.I want to feel like a man and be the man the my Heavenly Father intended me to be and wants me to be.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things desperately.I feel all alone here where I am at as I have nobody in my hometown to confide in.Please pray for me and also,please leave me something positive and encouraging to me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of continuing to put in more job applications,I have nothing else planned.But I do hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had quite a few things on my agenda for today.I first went to the post office to mail out a bill that needed to be paid and after that,I went to the public library to print something that I needed to print from my e-mail and after that,I went over to a nearby Salvation Army thrift store and I bought quite a few vinyl albums and after paying for them,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to buy a few things that I needed and after that,I paid another bill that needed to be paid and after that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few more things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and the really difficult struggle with SSA.Today,since I was out in the community for much of the day,this took my mind off of these struggles.I stayed busy by simply going places and doing what I felt needed to be done.I simply decided to stay busy by going places and having a pretty good time being out and about in the community.It was great that I didn't have to worry about temptation coming at me today as I was out.Still,just because I escaped today doesn't mean that I will escape tomorrow.Tomorrow is another day and I still need and have to stay on guard against these terrible temptations.I am again asking for my fellow blog followers to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive encouragement.I really need both prayers and positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going in this fight and struggle.They also keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my usual Thursday spirituality and evening study groups,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to the garage to pick up my car and I set out to get what I had to get done accomplished.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money and after that,I headed home to register some of the bills at the Where's George site.After that,I went back out to do what I had to do.
I first had lunch at a local pizzeria.After that,I went to the local K-Mart to buy something that I needed.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to buy some groceries and after that,I headed over to another local supermarket to pick up a few other things.After that,I headed over to the place of business of a friend of mine to drop off the last payment that I owed him on something and after picking up a used vinyl album and paying for it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.After that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and the difficult SSA struggle that I am going through at the same time.I fell again today when I gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals until I ejaculated and yes,I was fantasizing and lusting after other men while doing so.I really felt miserable after sinning and I immediately went to my Heavenly Father in prayer and I asked in the name of his son Jesus Christ to be forgiven.I prayed real hard and after I was finished,I felt better.I really need to get tough with myself here.I can't keep falling into sin and asking my Heavenly Father to continue forgiving me.I have to work on not falling into habitual sin and habitual asking for forgiveness.I need to get tough with myself.I need to start praying when these urges come around and I need to pray really hard for strength to help me fight and resist these urges.I am serious that I want to heal from this terrible SSA.I am also serious about wanting to overcome it.Please pray for me as I really need some prayers right now.I need them desperately.I also need some words of positive encouragement right now.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning when I was awakened by a phone call.It was the garage that I left a message with on Saturday afternoon concerning the coolant leak and they simply advised me to bring it in and they would see if they could get to it today.After I hung up,I had my usual 2 cups of coffee and I got dressed to drop my car off at the garage and after that,I walked home.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my prescription refills and after paying the co-pay on them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I sorted out my prescriptions and took one of them.After that,I did my personal PC work and since I was experiencing a very painful headache,I took something for it and I laid down for a while.It took some time,but the headache slowly disappeared.After it was gone,I did a little bit more personal PC work.
I did hear from the garage and they told me that there was a leak in the coolant reservoir system and they would have it fixed before the end of the day,which they did and I told them that I would be by tomorrow to pick it up.I am glad that this is out of the way and I can move on with the rest of the week.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle against BPD/Schizophrenia and the worst thing of all,IMHO,SSA.The SSA struggle is never an easy one at all.It gets tougher and tougher each and every day.My struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia make my struggles with SSA even more difficult.I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia.I hear things and sounds that nobody else hears,such as voices and footsteps.Whenever I hear these things,I turn around to see who might be there,but see nobody or anything.At times,the voices that I hear,which I think could be Satan and/or his minions,telling me to play with myself to anything sexual having to do with men coming to my mind.I hear them all the time and I do give into them at times,though I know that I should pray for strength to fight and resist these urges.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life.I know that it isn't easy,but I am working on it.I need prayers right now as I am really getting tempted to act out on the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA that I struggle with.Please continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional period.I need prayers right now.I also need some positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of doing some shopping and picking up something from my nephew's house,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and phoned my sister so she could take me to church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
The study class and the worship service were both wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I called my sister to pick me up,which she did and we headed straight home.
When I got into the house,I got out of my suit and into a sweatsuit.I had a light lunch and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed upstairs to do some more cleaning up around my old room.I did get the hallway upstairs cleaned up of all the paper residue that was on the floor and that was all that I did.I relaxed and enjoyed some music and after that,I decided to head back downstairs and do some more personal PC work.I also prepared my evening meal while doing so.
After eating,I put a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my usual daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and the terrible SSA struggle.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be.The psychiatric double whammy that I have also makes my SSA struggles difficult.Today,I did give into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and yes,sexual images of men did cloud my mind.I managed to stop myself before it went too far and I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him.I asked him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life.I need to work on habitually asking my Heavenly Father for strength to fight and resist these terrible temptations that keep coming at me from all sides.I need to get tough on myself.I need to start doing this regularly.I need strength within my weakness.I have to start praying incessantly and I need to make it regular.While I am working on this,I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to please keep praying for me and also,don't be shy and leave me some words of positive encouragement.I need both of these things.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of hoping to get my car looked at tomorrow,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I was hoping to get around to that much delayed cleaning up in my old room upstairs,but complications delayed the clean-up again.I went out only once today to get something from a local supermarket and a light lunch at a local pizzeria,which i took home to eat.
When I got home,I saw green droplets on the snow in my driveway.I told my niece about this and she let her live in boyfriend know and he advised me not to drive the car,with the exception of driving it to a garage near-by.I did leave a message with a local garage and I am hoping that they can squeeze me in so they can check my car out to see what the problem is.I did have a talk with my sister and I asked her if she could take me to church tomorrow morning and she said that she might,though I also told her that I left a message with someone that I worship with,though I didn't know if I would be hearing from them before the end of the day.She said that if I did and they agreed,then let her know and I said that I would.After that,I concentrated on preparing my evening meal and when it was finished,I ate it and did some more personal PC work after that.Overall,a pretty good day day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing with everything that I struggle with.This includes the psychiatric double whammy that I have and my struggles with the terrible SSA demon.The latter struggle at times gets even more difficult by the day.Today,I gave into a terrible temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/full erection and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping with sexual images of men clouding my mind and I proceeded to masturbate until I ejaculated.I really felt terrible after I did that.I also felt really miserable that I failed my Heavenly Father.After washing my hands,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him.I asked him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I did feel better after that.I moved with the rest of the day.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life and I am doing this little by little.I really need to start this when these terrible temptations start to rear their ugly head at me when least expected.It is just that I am alone and I have nobody living with me so I can relate and identify with in a healthy and authentic way.I really need to get these same-sex needs that I have fulfilled in authentic ways.I don't want to indulge in any sort of immoral sexual activity with other men as that would only re-affirm the Homosexual/Gay identity,which is the identity that I am trying desperately to escape from.I want to do what is right in the eyes of my Heavenly Father,but my sinful nature wants me to do the exact opposite.I know that I am not perfect and I will fall short at times,but I can't use imperfection as an excuse to sin.I have to avoid falling into the trap of habitual sin.I don't want that to happen to me.I don't want to habitually sin constantly and keep coming for forgiveness as I don't want to abuse that divine gift that my Heavenly Father gives out of his love.I am going to continue working on making frequent prayer a part of my life and I really have to get tough on myself.I am again appealing to all of my fellow blog followers who read my posts to please continue praying for me.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your encouraging words as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.Please pray for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things to help keep me going.I also need to keep my determination and motivation strong with both of these things.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual and finally getting around to cleaning up my old room upstairs,I have no other plans.But I do hope that I can attain positive benefits with what I choose to do.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I had a couple cups of coffee.After that,I got dressed and I headed for the bank to withdraw a little bit of money as I was heading for an AMVETS thrift store in the next county.After getting a little bit of money,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I showered quickly and after my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I registered all the bills at the Where's George site and gave a friend a call to let him know that I was coming to pick him up so we'd go there together.After picking him up,we headed there.
When we got there,we found some wonderful stuff.I bought another suit for church and a blanket.I also bought some tapes and some more vinyl records.After we paid for our stuff,we headed for home.
On the way home,we stopped at a nearby McDonald's for a sandwich and a drink.After that,we headed straight home.
I dropped him off at home and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my clothes and into a sweatsuit.I did my personal PC work and after that,I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.I also made plans for my evening retirement.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I was actually overwhelmed by the positive feelings that I felt while out in the community.I was having a wonderful time and that was great.It took my mind off of my struggles and I didn't think anything about the sexual stuff as being out in the community took my mind off of that and I just concentrated on what I was doing while out in the community.I escaped today unscathed and that was good.Still,I am asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.I need both of these things.They both help keep me going in this particular struggle.They also both help keep my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow Americans out there.
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and when I did,I got a phone call from a friend who needed a ride to a local charitable organization as he had no other way to get there.I told him that I would do it,but I had to shower first and promised him that when I was finished,I would call him to let him know that I was on my way.We hung up and I headed for my shower and I went through it quickly.After I was done,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I phoned him and said that I was on my way and he said that he would be ready to go when I got there.
I got dressed and headed over there and after picking him up at his home,I dropped him off at the charitable organization and I advised him to let me know that he made it home by simply leaving a message on my voice-mail.He said that he would and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I breezed through my personal PC work and I headed over to my nephew's house once I was finished with that for dinner.
The dinner was wonderful.We had lots of food,lots of talk and shared lots of thoughts and stuff.After that,I headed over to another person's house that I was invited to,but when I got there,he told me that he was tired and in bed and he said that we could get together tomorrow.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and I relaxed.I also did some more personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it.I also made plans for my evening retirement.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
Today,since I was busy with my family having dinner and just talking about some things,I really didn't have any problems with SSA today.All of the events of the day took my mind off of these things.I didn't have anything troubling me nor trying to tempt me.I just wish that I could have social situations like this all of the time.I need stuff like this to take my mind off of the sexual aspect of this terrible SSA struggle of mine.In regards to my other struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia,I also didn't have much to worry about.I simply stayed busy with the socialization with my family and tried to stay upbeat and try to enjoy the day.It was pretty good.Still,I would really appreciate that y'all who follow my blog and read the posts that I write here to please continue praying for me and also,I would really appreciate a positive encouraging word or two in the comments section.I will also keep praying and continue to work on making frequent prayer a part of my day within my life.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,that friend who was tired today and I are hoping to go to the AMVETS store in the next county.I am hoping for a lot of bargains as it will be a Black Friday sale.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,but had a pounding headache.After I had a cup of coffee,I took something for it and went right back to bed and slept for a while.
After getting back up,I showered and I had my usual quick breakfast and another cup of coffee.After that,I quickly did my personal PC work and when that was done,I got dressed to go out and shovel the sidewalk for the mail-person so they can deliver the mail.It took about 15 minutes to do.Fortunately for my hometown,the Winter Storm Warning was discontinued so we didn't get the full brunt of snow like we were originally planned to get.I also cleaned off my car of snow and that took about five minutes.After all of my work was done,I went back into the house and changed back into a sweatsuit and I filled out a couple of paper job applications,which I will turn in on Monday afternoon.After that was done,I did some more personal PC work and when I finished that,I relaxed and popped a movie into the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I decided to watch another movie that I popped into the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.After that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia.It is a very difficult thing to struggle with and at times,I wished that I didn't to do so.I hear things that nobody else hears at times or my moods and/or emotions fluctuate when least expected.It can be pretty monotonous at times.It can also be draining and exhausting both emotionally and mentally.If having this psychiatric double whammy wasn't bad enough,I also have SSA struggles alongside that,which are made even more difficult by this particular psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.I have so much on my plate mentally that I can't stand it at times.Today,I gave into temptation twice.The first was that I again manipulated my genitals while still in bed as I was about to rise and later,I looked up sexual images of men online.I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ for falling short today at those two separate intervals as I really felt miserable and was also sorry for falling into sin.I feel like a terrible basket case at times when I sin by giving into temptation.It is just that I don't want to fall back into the trap of habitual sin and keep asking for forgiveness for my sins after I fall each time.I know that I am not perfect and my Heavenly Father also knows that,but I can't use human imperfection as an excuse to habitually sin.I am still working on getting tough with myself as I know that nothing happens overnight.I need to start praying regularly whenever temptation rears it's ugly head and ask for strength to help me fight and resist all sorts of temptations.I really need to do that.I need to show these unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.I need to show them that they don't define me in any way.I also need to show them that I won't let them dictate to me how I will act,live and behave.Fellow blog followers,I need prayers right now more than ever.I also need some words of positive verbal encouragement.I really need both of these things to stay on the road to overcome and heal and to also keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.Please continue praying for me and also leave me some words of positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow is the Thanksgiving holiday.I will be having dinner with my family and will also spend time with friends who live here in my hometown.When I got home,I will just relax and take it easy for a spell while preparing my evening retirement.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the holiday ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and as the afternoon was drawing near,I got dressed up in dress clothes as I was going to meet my job placement counselor at the local Dept. of Labor in my hometown.
When I arrived there,we spent a little over half and hour looking over many possibilities.Most of them required experience in the fields that they had and others required college degrees.After that,she advised me top pick up a few job applications on the way home and fill them out there.I did that as we left the office and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to pick up a job application each and when I went to two other places,they said that they only took applications online.After making a couple of stops at a couple of local stores,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I had a few peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to tie me over until dinner.After I ate them,I did some more personal PC work and I relaxed for a while until it was time to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to pop a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.After that,I relaxed and prepared to retire for the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of both BPD and Schizophrenia.Today,I wasn't feeling too down.I was up to what I had planned for today.I did feel a little hopeful and optimistic in going to the Dept.of Labor in my hometown to look over the various jobs that they had listed there.I will be turning the applications in hopefully on Monday as tomorrow,there is still a Winter Storm Warning in effect for 24 hours and I don't want to take any chances.I guess that tomorrow,if it really storms as they say it will,I will simply have to stay home and take it easy.I got plenty of movies to watch and I will just relax and watch some.In regards to my SSA struggles,I was out for much of the day and that took my mind off of sexual stuff.Still,the temptations were there,but since I was out for much of the day and kept my mind on other things,they simply faded.Though I did escape today unscathed,there will be tomorrow and the day after that and so on.Tomorrow,since I will be home all day,that provides a perfect opportunity for temptation to come at me when least expected.I will have to work on staying strong and keeping up in prayer to my Heavenly Father when that happens.I need to pray for strength and I need help in staying strong.I have to show these unnatural sexual desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.I am also asking that y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please keep up in praying for me.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both prayers and encouraging words.They both help in many ways as prayers and positive verbal encouragement are both very powerful tools.They have much power and can help in more ways than one.My blog gets many visitors,but comments of any kind are rare.I need words of encouragement as much as I need prayers.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep me strong in regards to my determination to overcome SSA and my motivation to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks to all of you in advance for both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,since it is supposed to storming with snow and blowing and drifting snow,I am simply going to stay home and take it easy.I am also going to watch a movie or two during the day.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I had only a few things on my agenda for today.The main thing on my agenda was that I had an appointment with the nurse practitioner at the local hospital.I headed over there and when I got to the local hospital,I dropped off an employment application at the front desk and headed over to her office and waited for a while in the waiting room.
The session was great.After some talk and some check-up's,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something.After paying for what I had to get,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I decided to lay down and relax as I had a terrible sinus headache.I took something for it and laid down for a while.I felt better after that and started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work and when that was done,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia.Today,on that front,I was emotionally feeling a little bit better.I wasn't feeling as down and tired as I was yesterday,which was good.Today,the only thing was that I had a terrible sinus headache,which went away when I decided to lay down and relax.I did feel better after laying down and I decided to prepare my evening meal.In regards to my SSA struggles,which my struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia make even more difficult,I actually gave into temptation twice today by manipulating my genitals when sexual images of men clouded my mind.Once in the early morning while in bed and later on when I laid down again for my headache.On both occasions,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive my sins,which I asked for in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and while asking for his forgiveness,I also accepted full and total responsibility for my fall into sin.I did feel better after that on both of those occasions.I really need to be extremely tough on myself and stick to my resolve to overcome this terrible SSA.I can't let Satan and his minions have their way with me.They continually spread the lies that nobody who is Homosexual/Gay can change and that we are to simply lives our lives as the unnatural sexual desires want us to live.They also spread the lie that there is nothing wrong with any of the sexual activity connected with Homosexuality and that it is inborn,genetic and normal.The thing is that our Heavenly Father says,through his sacred word the Holy Bible,that Satan is the ultimate liar and the father of the lie.The Holy Bible condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender and in it's own way,it says that this particular sexual activity is unnatural,unclean,impure,immoral,unnatural and above all,just plain wrong.I am still working on making prayer a part of my daily life and I really need to pray to my Heavenly Father whenever these terrible temptations to manipulate my genitals to sexual images of men keep coming around.I am still working on this.I am also again asking that y'all continue praying for me as I am going through this terrible and difficult emotional time.It is a very difficult emotional time for me.I need all the prayers that I can get.I also ask that y'all don't be shy and leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.They do help out in many ways.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of meeting my job placement counselor at the local Dept.of Labor,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed over to the church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
The study class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something that I needed.After that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my sweatsuit.After that,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to lay down for a while.I also listened to some music while lying down.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and got ready to retire for the evening.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day as for me,going to church on Sunday morning always makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia.Today,I was feeling pretty down and tired,which is one of the symptoms of BPD,Today was the first time in a long time that I was feeling down and drowsy,though I managed to stay awake and not fall asleep.I went through it much of the day.I even had a cup of hot green tea to try and keep myself awake,but I still remained sleepy.I laid down for about an hour and I did feel a little bit better,though still felt drowsy and down.I am hoping that I will feel better after a good night's sleep tonight and I will be much more up and feeling better tomorrow.I did have a minor fall in regards to my SSA struggles.I gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals to sexual images of men,but I managed to stop myself before it went way too far.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for falling into sin.I asked him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and I left nothing out.I asked for forgiveness because I really felt bad and miserable for sinning.Little by little,I am trying to make frequent prayer a part of my day and life.I am determined to overcome this terrible SSA.I also want to overcome this terrible SSA.The minute that these terrible temptations come around,I need to pray and ask for strength to help me fight and resist them.I need to be tough on myself and I need to start now.I need to start praying and praying really hard whenever these terrible temptations come around.While I work on that,I am again asking that y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive encouragement.I need some positive encouragement right now and as usual,prayers.They do help in a lot of ways.They help keep me going and keep both my determination and motivation strong.Please leave me some positive encouragement in the comments section and also,please continue your prayers for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my appointment with the nurse practitioner at the local hospital,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I had some stuff that needed to get done.I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had to go out and do some running.
Originally,I was planning to stay home and hang out as a result of getting some snow and a Lake Effect Snow Advisory for my area.Since we didn't the snow that we were supposed to get overnight and today,I headed out to do some errand running.
I first went to my niece's house to drop off a couple of things.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those things.I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up another thing.After paying for that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up two more things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed and did some more personal PC work.
After eating,I decided to watch a little bot of TV and after that,I did a little bit more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with BPD/Schizophrenia,which is each and every day.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from day today,or at other times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.The struggle of this psychiatric double whammy is very complicated in and of itself.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to endure the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia,which consists mostly of hearing things,such as voices and sounds,that other people can't hear,but only I can.At times,the voices call my name or I hear footsteps and when I turn around,there is nobody there.It does make me feel perplexed and confused.The struggle can also be draining emotionally and energy-wise.It also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.I also have to put up with and endure the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA struggle.I know that the sexual desires are symbolic of the deeper emotional needs that I have as a male as every male has the same emotional needs.The thing is that I need to get them fulfilled authentically because sexual activity is not the answer to getting them fulfilled.The thing with the "Homosexual/Gay" persuasion is that those needs are sexual and that it is only love that you're getting with the sexual aspect of it.This happens to be a lie as all other statements that they make as excuses to justify their actions are lies.The Holy Bible condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.I just want to get my needs fulfilled authentically and work to do what is right in the eyes of my Heavenly Father through his sacred word the Holy Bible.Today,in regards to temptations,I escaped today as I kept busy by staying out and about and keeping my mind on other things.Still,as usual,I am asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please keep praying for me.I also ask that you leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both of these things daily and weekly.They both help in a lot of ways.It shows that I am not alone in the SSA struggle and also,they also help keep me going.They also help to keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and was about to start cleaning up around the house when my next door neighbor called saying she wanted me to come along with her to the local animal hospital because her cat was hurting again and it was the same thing that was last week.I went with her to the animal hospital and they put a bandage on her cats paw and leg and we headed straight home.
When we got home,I relaxed for a bit and I went upstairs to get that cleaning work done.I only got some of it done as I need more garbage bags to put some more garbage in as I do have a lot of garbage to throw away.I am hoping to get some more by next week after the Thanksgiving holiday.It will take me some time,but I will get the place cleaned and it will be worth sleeping in when it is.After that,I went to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I watched an episode of a classic TV show on DVD.After that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with BPD/Schizophrenia.It is a very difficult struggle in itself and it never gets any easier.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate from time to time.I never know how they will be.I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia.This psychiatric double whammy that I have is nothing to sneeze at.It is very tough to struggle with.It also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.My therapy for this psychiatric double whammy is ongoing and I will be seeing the nurse practitioner on Monday afternoon.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.Today,I actually gave into temptation by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.Yes,it was to sexual images of men that clouded my mind.Fortunately,I was able to stop before it went too far and asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard as I was sorry for what I did.I did feel better after praying and I moved on with the rest of the day.Fortunately,that was the only occurrence today in regards to temptations linked to my struggles with SSA.The SSA struggle is also a very difficult one in itself.The battle to fight and resist the temptations to act out on the unnatural desires that I have that are connected to SSA is a really tough battle.I am always fighting these desires that I have.It isn't easy,but I know that the battle can be won with the right stuff.I am gradually starting to make frequent prayers a part of my daily life.I need to if I want to overcome this terrible SSA.Little by little,I am starting to do this.The thing is that I don't want these unnatural desires that I have own me.I have to tell these desires that I own them and not the other way around.I now know that I do have to get my Heavenly Father involved more.I am going to continue working on making prayer a part of my life.While I am working on that,I am again asking that y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave some words of positive encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and my motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual on Sunday,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed quickly and I headed over to my Thursday morning spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful and I got a lot out of it.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch and after I was finished eating,I headed over to my case-worker's office to sign some papers.After that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station to get a little bit of gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a warm sweatsuit and I did my personal PC work.When that was done,I got dressed to prepare for my evening Holy Bible study group,which also was wonderful.I headed for a local supermarket to pick something up.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into some night clothes to get ready for evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and that,in itself,is a very difficult struggle.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be.At times,I can be up and feeling good.Other times,I can be down and feeling not so good.That is how it is when one has BPD.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have Schizophrenia and with that,I have hallucinatory affects.I hear things that other people can't hear and at times,people get the wrong idea of people who suffer and struggle with this.They always accuse you of being on drugs,such as marijuana,cocaine or worse than those,LSD/Acid or that you are a heavy drinker of alcoholic beverages.One minute,I can hear a voice call my name and there is nobody there.Another minute,I hear footsteps and when I look around,there is nobody there.When I continue on,these things come back and I am back at square one by turning around again and seeing nobody.It makes me feel confused and baffled at times.This psychiatric double whammy that I have also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.At times,I get tempted to act out on the unnatural desires that I have and those temptations can be very overwhelming at times.I am in therapy for the psychiatric double whammy that I have,but when in that particular therapy,I leave out my SSA struggles as mental health therapy is so one sided when it comes to the struggle with SSA.Those in the mental health profession preach that everyone who has unnatural sexual desires and feelings for members of their own gender should simply act out on them and not feel guilty about doing so.The thing is that my Heavenly Father,through his sacred word the Holy Bible,condemns this sort of thing.The Holy Bible,the word of the sovereign Lord and creator of the world,including those who live in the world,and the universe,condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.The Holy Bible states that such activity is unclean,impure,unnatural,inappropriate,obscene and just plain wrong.The Holy Bible also says that those who indulge in that type of practice will not inherit his kingdom.I was tempted to act out today,but I was out of the house pretty much today and being out of the house took my mind off of the unnatural sexual desires that I have.It also helped lessen the temptations.Though I escaped today unscathed,I am again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read the posts that I write here to please continue praying for me.I also ask that y'all please leave me some encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.I need them both each and every day.They both help keep me going.They also help keep me strong in my determination and motivation.Thanks to y'all in advance for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,since it is going to rain all day,I am thinking of simply staying home and catching up on some much needed house cleaning.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I didn't have too much to do today.I ran a few errands that needed to be run.I first went to the local hospital to pick up another application.After that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia.This psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with is difficult in itself.It also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.This morning,I actually gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and I wound up ejaculating.Yes,it was to sexual images of men that clouded my mind.I really felt miserable for giving into this temptation.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him.I asked him for forgiveness in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I was tempted throughout the day to do it again,but I stayed outside and kept busy.I keep planning on making frequent prayer a part of my day,but I keep forgetting.I have to really buckle down and make frequent prayer throughout the day a habit.Lately,I have been praying mostly for forgiveness of my sins when I fall short in my efforts to overcome SSA and everything connected with it.These unnatural sexual desires that I have are terrible and disgusting.I know that they represent the deeper emotional needs that I have,which are the same needs as every guy has.The thing is that I am trying,but so far,I am still all alone.I am going to groups,such as Holy Bible study groups and I have also hooked up with an addictions group,though the group is on hold since two weeks ago as a result of the group leader being sick and under the weather.I am hoping that he gets better soon and the groups will start again.Again,I need to buckle down and make frequent prayer a part of my day and my life.I have been neglecting to do that and I am going to have to start doing that.Again,I have been neglecting that and I have to really be tough on myself and start doing that.While I am working on that,I am again asking that you all continue to pray for me and leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section as I need both prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.They both help in many ways.Yes,they do.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my two study groups and picking up another job application,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
Before I did what I had to do,I had a talk with my job placement counselor and we are to meet next week and the Dept. of Labor in my hometown to see about looking up other jobs and see if at least one job or more interests me.After we talked on the phone,I set about my day and I also had a visit with my case worker and the session with her went well.After she left,I left the house to run a few errands that I had to run.
I went to a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed and after that,I headed over to the local Salvation Army thrift store to look around and when I was done with that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my medication.After paying the co-pay for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I started to prepare my evening meal.While that was being done,I did some more personal PC work.
After eating,I did some more personal PC work and I watched a little TV.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and Schizophrenia.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate pretty much daily,or at other times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.I never know how I will be emotionally or mood-wise.I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia,which makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still in therapy,for which I have a session next Monday and not next Tuesday like I initially thought.I am also still taking my medication as directed.The psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.It's bad enough that I struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia.My SSA struggles are more difficult as a result of this psychiatric double whammy that I have.I am always tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and the temptations can be very overwhelming.They can be anything from being tempted to look at porn or manipulating my genitals to sexual images of men clouding my mind or the worst temptation,which is going out to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.Whenever temptation does come,I pray to my Heavenly Father and I ask him for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me fight and resist these terrible temptations.I ask for strength constantly.I do feel much stronger after that.Fellow blog followers,I again ask that all of you please continue praying for me.I also ask for some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.Please pray for me and please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things to help me keep going and to keep both my determination and my motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for those things.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and as a result of the area that I live in being under a high wind warning and advisory,I stayed home and decided to catch up on some much needed work around the house.
It took me several hours,but I managed to get the work that needed to get done accomplished.After that,I relaxed and did a little bit of reading.
After eating,I decided to pop a movie into the DVD player and watched it.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with,which is BPD/Schizophrenia.Today,i am feeling a little down due to the weather that we were having today.It was windy,cold and rainy.There is nothing to do in my hometown when the weather pattern is like that.It is boring and the only thing to do is to simply stay home and just try to get through the day the best that I can.Today,I simply decided to do some much needed work around the house and I feel a little bit better that I did that.Still,it would have been well if the weather wasn't the way that it was today.Right now,the addictions group that I go to weekly is now on hold while the group leader is sick and is hoping to get well soon so the group meetings will resume soon.I have an appointment with the nurse practitioner next Tuesday at the local hospital and that will take care of my therapy for this year alongside the session that I have with my therapist soon after.It's bad enough that I struggle with the psychiatric double whammy that I have.I also struggle with SSA and that struggle is difficult in itself.My BPD/Schizophrenia struggle makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.Today,though I gave the struggle to my Heavenly Father and let him handle it,I was still tempted to indulge in sinful sexual stuff,such as looking at pornography,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect to sexual images of men and also,I was tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as stated,I stayed home today rather than go out and feed that particular temptation.The temptations get even more overwhelming each time they come around.When you get through a day without giving into these temptations,there is always the next day and the more resistance that I put up,the more stronger and overwhelming the temptations get.I understand that being tempted and enduring temptation isn't sinful,but it is a sin to give into temptation.I asked my Heavenly Father for strength to help me fight and resist these terrible and overwhelming urges.I asked him for that strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ because I really needed and wanted to be strong to fight these terrible temptations.I did feel better and much stronger after that.I am again asking that y'all who repeatedly follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time at the moment.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me some positive and encouraging words in the comments section.My blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rarely left.Your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement are both very powerful tools.They can do a lot more than you think.They both help keep me going.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed over to pick my father up for church.He called me as I was getting out of bed and left a message on the voice-mail and before I jumped into the shower,he called again and I said that I would be on my way soon.I picked him up and we headed for church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
The study class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow congregants,my father and I headed straight home.
After dropping off my father,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I quickly got out of my suit and into my sweatsuit.I fixed myself a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch.After eating them,I quickly did my personal PC work.After that was done,I got dressed into casual clothes and I went to see a movie at the local bargain cinema.
I enjoyed the movie and after picking up a couple of things at a local supermarket,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed back into a sweatsuit and I put the stuff that I bought away.I also heated up a light dinner in the microwave and after that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I am still in my daily struggle against the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia.I am still in therapy for that and I am still taking my medication as directed.While I am still doing those latter things,which do help,I still go through the ups and downs of the emotional roller coaster ride.I also still go through hallucinations where I hear things that nobody else hears,such as voices calling my name or hearing footsteps and other sorts of sounds.It is a very difficult struggle that I go through in regards to the psychiatric double whammy that I have.Last night,while sitting in a chair,I prayed to my Heavenly Father.I prayed by handing my SSA struggle over to him.In the name of his son Jesus Christ,I asked him to help me feel whole and to make me whole.I also asked him to help me in my healing from this terrible emotional condition.I also asked him to help me become the man that he intended and wants me to be.I prayed to my Heavenly Father concerning these things for a little over ten minutes and after I was finished,I felt really good.It also made me feel better.Before I turned in for the evening,I did ask my Heavenly Father for strength to help me fight and resist the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.Today,though I was tempted to masturbate an erection during the wee early morning hours,it wasn't that bad.I simply started to get out of bed and that made the erection soften.I spent most of the day outside of home and that was great.I am again asking that my fellow blog followers please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive verbal encouragement.I still need both prayerful and positive verbal support.I need both of these things.Please do both of these things for me.I would really appreciate that.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
Firstly,I spent a few minutes with my father and after we talked some,I headed out to do some stuff that I had planned.
I went back that AMVETS thrift store in the next county to pick up some more stuff.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed and I did some more personal PC work.
After eating,I decided to watch a little bit of TV and after that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing with everything that I struggle with.I struggle with the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from day to day,or at other times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't enough,the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia makes it really difficult for me.At times,I hear things that nobody else hears,such as voices calling my name,footsteps while I am walking and when I turn to see,there is nobody there.At times,this really drains me energy-wise and also,it can be emotionally draining.If having that psychiatric double whammy wasn't bad enough,I also have SSA and this morning,I gave into the temptation to masturbate when sexual images of men clouded my mind and I gave into the temptation.I did ask my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I did feel better after doing so.The thing is that I still have to work on staying tough with myself as I don't want to let the unnatural sexual desires that I have own me and take over my whole being.I don't want to let the unnatural sexual desires that I have own me.I have to let them know that I own them and not let them own me.I now have to really start working hard on this thing.I need to really start to pray regularly and keep it up.I really need all the strength that I can get.I also need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also need all the positive verbal support that I can get.Fellow blog followers,I again ask that y'all please continue praying for me.I need your prayers desperately.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I see that my blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments of any sort are rare.I don't want to feel alone in my SSA struggles as I do when nobody who visits leaves me any encouraging comments.Your prayers and positive verbal encouragement are both very powerful tools.They help keep me going in this particular struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.They also both show that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a little bit better.Thanks to all of you in advance for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual in the morning and I am also hoping to go to see a movie tomorrow afternoon,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
The main thing on my agenda today was that I had an appointment to meet with the same priest that I talked with last month in hopes of connecting with a Courage support group.I headed over into a city in the next county to talk with him.
The meeting went wonderfully well.After it was all over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at an AMVETS thrift store and I purchased a few things.After paying for those things,I headed to a local supermarket when I was back in my home town and bought something there.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my clothes and into a sweatsuit.I prepared my evening meal and I relaxed while eating it and watching a DVD.I stayed home for the rest of the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle against the symptoms of BPD and Schizophrenia.This psychiatric double whammy that I have can really be draining both energy-wise and emotionally.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia and that can really be a difficult thing to endure.I am still in therapy and I have a session two days before Thanksgiving and I am also still taking my medication as directed.The thing with mental health therapy is that it is one-sided.On one corner,it helps deal with the symptoms and the affects of what the psychiatric diagnosis is.The other thing is that it refuses to understand things,such as the SSA struggle.The mental health professionals are always insisting that individuals should accept their sexual identities as they are and go out and live their lives in accordance to what their sexual identities are.The thing with me personally is this;I have refused to live my life like that.The Holy Bible,the word of the sovereign Lord and creator of the world,the people living on it and the only true God,condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.It flat out says that the sexual activity between two members of the same gender is wrong,inappropriate,and sinful.Not only that,the sinful sexual lifestyle associated with that sinful lifestyle is a very highly destructive lifestyle.There is also no real love connected with that sinful lifestyle.It is a lifestyle of never ending sexual promiscuity that can lead to AIDS and many other sexually transmitted diseases.I am trying to live my life in accordance to what my Heavenly Father,through his word the Holy Bible,wants me to live my life.I know that I will fall short at times,but my Heavenly Father is there to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ.When I do fall short,I simply ask my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I also accept full and total responsibility for my fall.I do feel better after that and I can move on with my day once that is done.Follow blog followers,I am again asking that all of you continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time as I am still struggling right now and it is a very difficult one indeed.I am also asking that all of you please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your encouraging words.They both help keep me going in this struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.I really need both your prayers and your words of positive encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual and I am also hoping to go see a movie,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group,which went wonderfully well.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed over to a local supermarket to turn in all the bottles and cans that I had collected that had accumulated in my back seat.After that,I bought a gallon of milk and after paying for it,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station and got some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the milk in the fridge and I relaxed for a bit as I did feel a little tired.I also did some more personal PC work.
After eating a light dinner,I headed over to my Thursday evening study group and that also went wonderfully well.After that was over,I went to a local supermarket to but one more thing and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into night clothes and headed for evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD and Schizophrenia.I am always battling these things and the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD can be pretty monotonous at times.I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia.If that wasn't bad enough,I also struggle with SSA and those struggles are made even more difficult by the psychiatric double whammy that I have.For much of the day,I kept busy by staying out in the community and that took my mind off of the sexual stuff.But when I was alone at home,the images of men clouded my mind and I lost myself by "near masturbation",but managed to stop myself.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ for giving into that particular temptation.I did feel better,but I still need to get tough on myself.I need to start saying "NO!" when these things start coming into my mentality.I need to start really praying and really start asking for strength to fight and resist these urges.I need to stay strong and show the unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.I need to really get tough and say that I won't let them,the unnatural desires,dictate to nor define who I am and who I will be.I am also again asking for prayers by y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts.I am always in need of prayer.I also need some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Please continue praying for me and also,please don't forget to leave me some positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of meeting with the priest that I met with a month ago for another counseling session,I have really nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I got an unexpected request from my next door neighbor early this afternoon.I went with her so she could pick up her pet cat at a local animal hospital.After that,we headed straight home.
When we got home,I went into the house to use the bathroom as I really had to use it.After that,I headed back out to run a few errands and when they were done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did a little bit more personal PC work and went out to clean the backseat of my car of all the empty bottles and cans that had accumulated over many weeks so I can take them back to the store tomorrow after my Thursday morning group.After that,I went back into the house to prepare my evening meal.
After eating that,I watched a little TV and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,on my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD and the symptoms of Schizophrenia.I never know how my mods and/or emotions will be from one day to the day,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.It's bad enough that I struggle with this terrible psychiatric double whammy that I have.I also struggle with SSA and my psychiatric issues make the SSA struggle even more difficult to deal with.I have to put up with continuous hallucinations and those can be sexual images of other men that are not around me,but only in my mind.They flood my mind tempting me to act out on them constantly by lusting and fantasizing.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as usual,whenever that temptation comes,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed that particular temptation,which is never an easy choice to make.The struggles that I have can be draining emotionally and also,they can even be draining of my physical energy as I do have a lot of energy for a person my age and as a result of a few physical limitations,I can't do certain exercises like running,jogging or any type of exercise that involves the use of my feet.I am always tempted to act out by fantasies and lusting and I am always crying for help in prayer because I don't want to act out nor do I even want to struggle with this SSA as at times,I am really tired of it all.Still,I am going to stay in the fight and not give in to any temptations nor surrender to these unnatural desires that I have.That is what Satan and his minions would want me to do and I can never give them what they want.The reason is that acting out will never fulfill my needs authentically nor will it give me the satisfaction that I really need.Fellow followers,I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me.I still and always need your prayerful support.I am also in need of some positive verbal encouragement.Please pray for me.Please don't be shy and leave me some positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They both continually reassure me.They also keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my usual Thursday morning spirituality group,my plans to return all the bottles and cans in my car and my evening Holy Bible study group,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ