Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and was surprised that my alarm didn't go off.When I got up and out of bed,I saw that my alarm clock was flashing 5:31am this morning and when I went to check the time on another clock,I saw that it was 7:40am in the morning.I had discovered that while I was sleeping,the power went out and I saw that a few of the electric clocks had a flashing time or no time on them.
I hurriedly jumped into the shower and showered quickly.After I dried up quickly,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I hurriedly got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church.I spent much of the time waiting for the car to warm up working to get ice off of my windows and windshield that had accumulated as a result of the freezing rain that we had last night.I worked as fast as I could and when I had gotten the vast majority of the ice off,I drove to church and it was pretty tough driving there as I had to drive carefully over the slick roads and I also had to watch out for fallen tree branches and other wooded messes around on the streets as a result of the freezing rain storm last night.Fortunately,I made it to church all in one piece and was ready for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,where everyone there thanked me for sending them Christmas cards,I headed straight home and it was easier getting home as a result of the change in the rainy weather pattern,though I still needed to look out for downed tree branches and even some electrical wires down.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a sweatsuit.I did my personal PC work and after that was finished,I watched a few holiday themed videos.
After eating,I relaxed and watched a few more holiday themed videos and DVD's.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia and my daily struggles with SSA.I never know what will happen when it comes to the psychiatric double whammy that I have or the SSA that I struggle with.Today,I was tempted throughout the afternoon,but kept busy with watching holiday themed videos and DVD's.I kept watching them religiously.I have plenty of them.Today,it wasn't a very big problem,but tomorrow and the subsequent days after tomorrow have their own troubles and anxieties.Temptations can come when least expected and I never know when a temptation will come around.I am still working on getting tough with myself.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my daily life.I have to show the unnatural sexual desires that I have that I won them and that they don't own me.I know that this is easier said than done,but I know that I can do it with the help of my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.Please continue in prayer for me and please continue to leave me some words of positive encouragement.I need them both as they do keep me going and show that I am not alone.They also help keep me on the path to change and continue searching for myself in regards to my manliness and finally connecting with my true identity,which is male.I need to connect with my true male identity as I have never connected with it as a result of the physical and emotional abuse that I suffered at the hands of my father and also,his legalistic ways that screwed me up and is the main reason for my struggles with SSA.There were other contributing factors,such as being the victim of sexual abuse at the hands of other members of my gender and also,being the victim of a pedophile at three separate intervals of my life.With the help of my Heavenly Father,his son Jesus Christ and also,the helpful prayerful and positive verbal support of my fellow man,I can overcome SSA and also,transcend from it into my true male identity.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only one thing planned for today.
The only thing that I did today was that I went to the local Super Wal-Mart to buy myself an ice scraper for my car's windows and windshield.Since this is the Winter season,I need to be prepared for unpredictable weather patterns and also,we are supposed to get freezing rain in my region tonight and I want to be ready.After buying that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and watched a holiday themed DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I decided to watch a few more holiday themed DVD's and videos.I also prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and my daily struggles with SSA.The SSA struggle is always very difficult.I have to continuously put up with overwhelming temptations that come at me when I least expect them and at times,they are very difficult to resist.Though sexual images of men did cloud my mind today,I was out in the community today and that helped take my mind off of those things.With being out and about,I simply went and did what I had to do and that was good.I really didn't have anything to worry about nor did I have to deal with the difficulties of overwhelming temptations.Again,though I got through today,there is still tomorrow and the days after tomorrow.Each and every day has it's own troubles and anxieties.I know that I shouldn't worry about tomorrow as Christ Jesus said in the Holy Bible,but I still need to be on guard against all sorts of things.Satan and his minions will try anything to get me or any SSA man into trouble by using everything in their evil power to get any one of us SSA men,including myself,to sin against our Heavenly Father and to disobey his laws in regards to what it says about the sexual activity between two members of the same gender or any other forms of sexual immorality.Again,I need to be on guard and watch out for anything that comes at me.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my day and while I am doing that,I am again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me and leave me something encouraging in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you fr your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of going to church,I have really nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.When I do head for church tomorrow,I am going to need to be careful while driving as there is a storm watch in effect and also,a freeze warning as we are supposed to get freezing rain overnight.I am just hoping to make it to church and back home safe and sound.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a very good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda for today.
The main thing on my agenda for today was my session with the priest.After getting some gas and doing a little shopping at a Salvation Army thrift store on the way,I headed over to his office and I was looking forward to this session as I always been looking forward to them.
The session was wonderful.I shared with him everything that had happened since we last talked and also,I shared with him my latest fall today,which I will be sharing before the end of the post.After our wonderful talk,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby public library to register a ten dollar bill and the Where's George website.After that,I stopped at an AMVETS thrift store that was in the area and I bought a few tapes.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit to relax and take it easy.I also did some more personal PC work.
After eating,I decided to pop a holiday themed DVD and watched it while relaxing.I then prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a very good day.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and my struggles with SSA.Today,I did give into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and yes,sexual images of men did cloud my mind while doing so.After washing my hands,I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for my sins in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I left nothing out and I accepted full and total responsibility for my falling into sin.After I was finished,I did feel better and I did truly believe that I was forgiven.Still,I need to work on avoiding falling into the trap of habitual sin and I am still working on getting tough with myself in regards to that.I am still a work in progress and that is okay.The thing is since I live alone,the temptations to act out are getting stronger and I really need to work on making prayer a part of my daily life.Right now,the only time that I pray is at night before going to sleep and while that is good,I need to start doing it more often during the day and again,it is one of the goals in my walk with my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.I need to start praying more than that just one time at night.I need to really bring myself closer to my Heavenly Father and really pray and sense his presence when I am praying.While I am still working on that,I am again asking that my fellow blog followers please continue praying for me and also,please leave something encouraging in the comments section.I need these things day in and day out to know that I am not alone.I only feel alone when nobody says anything in the comments section.Both prayerful and positive verbal support are always appreciated.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal support.Thanks in advance to my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual on Sunday,I have really nothing planned.But I do hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda for today.
I first went over to the place where my usual Thursday morning Holy Bible study group was to attend the group meeting for today.Before the meeting,I had to meet with one of the counselors who has been working with me for a while to sign some consent papers and after that,I eagerly awaited the group meeting to begin.
The group meeting was wonderful.After the meting was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local kitchen for lunch.After eating lunch,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few more things.After paying for those things,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was and after a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed and did a little bit more personal PC work.After that,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I relaxed.
After eating,I headed over to my Thursday evening Holy Bible study group and that also was wonderful.After that was over,I headed straight home to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle with the psychiatric double whammy that I have of BPD/Schizophrenia and my daily SSA struggles.The struggles on both of these sides never ends.They just keep getting even more difficult.Today,I really didn't have much of a problem with temptation in regards to my SSA struggles.It was simply going to both my morning and evening Holy Bible study groups that took my mind off of the sexual stuff.I was also keeping busy by simply being around people and helping them get to know our Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ through the Holy Bible.I also shopped and visited with a friend and that also made my mind stay clear,Still,there is always tomorrow and I need to keep in mind that just because I escaped unscathed today,tomorrow is a different matter altogether.I have to work on staying strong and taking the matters over to my Heavenly Father in prayer and to ask for strength in prayer in the name of his son Jesus Christ constantly.I am still a work in progress and that is okay.Fellow blog followers,please continue in prayer for me and also,please leave me some positive encouraging words in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment to meet with a priest who I have been having sessions with hoping to connect with a Courage group that he leads.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had a few things on my agenda for today.Yesterday,I received a gift card from a friend of the family in a Christmas card that I received in the mail.I went out shopping at the local supermarket where the card was from and I bought some stuff that I needed pretty badly and after paying for the stuff,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a friend's business and I picked something up that he was holding for me.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed while watching a couple of DVD's.
After eating,I decided to watch a few more holiday themed DVD's.I then prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA.Today,I stayed out and stayed busy for much of the day shopping and that kept me busy.This took my mind off of the sexual stuff connected with the SSA struggle.Admittedly,the SSA struggle is a very difficult struggle to endure and deal with.It can also be very draining energy and emotional wise.At times,I wish that I didn't have to struggle with this because SSA ruins the lives of people rather than enhances them in regards to the sinful sexual activity connected with it.The thing is that I have to keep in mind that the sexual desires connected with SSA are unnatural and inappropriate.I understand that the SSA condition in itself isn't sinful,but the sexual activity connected with it is sinful.Regarding what I am looking for in regards to members of my own gender,I am simply for relationships where the benefits friendships,bonding,healthy Christian styled connections and real acceptance by my fellow men and not the false sense of acceptance that the so called "Gay" culture has,where it leads to the never ending sexual promiscuity that is very common in that culture,which can only lead to AIDS,which at present is an incurable disease that kills people who have it and suffer with it.The thing is that,even though I have brought it up numerous times,our Heavenly Father never intended sexuality to be used and abused in the way that the unholy world around us is using and abusing it for.He intended for sexuality to be shared by a man and his wife in the marital framework of healthy and happy Heterosexuality and not for anything other than that.The thing is that this SSA struggle is really overwhelming at times and the temptations can be very strong and the more that the temptations are resisted,the more stronger that they become.Fellow blog followers,I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I would appreciate both of these positive and wonderful things.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination to overcome SSA and my motivation to heal from SSA strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my daytime and evening time Holy Bible study groups,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and since my niece came through for me and opened up the bottom of my driveway,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to the post office to mail out some Christmas cards for my friends and after that,I got some gas in my gas tank and after that,I headed over to a local Burger King for a quick lunch and after that,I headed for a local Dollar Tree to pick up some things and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a friends place to see how they were doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed and watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I decided to watch a few more holiday themed DVD's.After that,I prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is made worse by my struggles with the former psychiatric double whammy that I have.How is it made worse?I have to put up with hearing things,such as sounds that nobody hears like footsteps or voices calling out my name and there is nobody there when I look to see.I also hear someone in my head telling me to do things that I don't want to do,like today,I again gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals,but this time,I wound up ejaculating as a result of that and sexual images of men did cloud my mind.I really felt terrible about this and after washing my hands,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for my sins in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I also accepted full and total responsibility for my falling.I did feel better after that.What led to the fall was the stress of me being couped up in the house all day as a result of my driveway opening being snowed in.I really have to make it a habit of praying more frequently so I don't fall so much.I really hated that I fell again and it makes me angry at myself for doing so.I have to learn to ignore the voices telling me to do that wrong and particular unclean and dirty habit of genital manipulation to sexual images of men.I need to find some way of cleaning my mind and keeping my mind pure and clean in the near and distant future.I hate it when I fall and I really hate the sexual pull that I have towards members of my own gender.I also hate it when those so called "Gay" activists sing the praises of that sinful sexual lifestyle that my Heavenly Father condemns in his sacred word,the Holy Bible,as in it's own words,which are my Heavenly Father's words written down by men as my Heavenly Father said,that the sexual activity between two members of the same gender is wrong,unclean,impure and inappropriate.Plus,I have to keep in mind that my Heavenly Father's view on sexuality,which he created,is not on par with the world's view.My Heavenly Father never intended sexuality to be used and abused the way that the world is using and abusing it.Fellow blog followers,I need prayers and positive verbal encouragement like never before.Please say a few kind words in the comments section and also,please continue praying for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to simply go out temporarily and shovel the sidewalk for the mail people to come and deliver my mail.I was stuck at home much of the day because the city snow plows plowed the bottom of my drive way in and I know that I couldn't get out of the driveway to do things that I needed to do.I simply went back in the house and watched a couple of DVD's while having a couple cups of hot chocolate.I relaxed for much of the day and I am hoping that I might be able to get out tomorrow to do what I have to do.
After eating,I simply watched a few more holiday themed DVD's while relaxing and I decided to get ready for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily struggle against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA.Today,I was tempted to manipulate my genitals to sexual images of men,but this time,I grabbed the bull by the horns and I asked my Heavenly Father to give me the strength to fight and resist in the name of his son Jesus Christ.After that,I stayed busy by watching DVD's all through the day.It took my mind off of the sexual aspect of SSA and I felt better.Still,I need all the prayerful and emotional support that I can get.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things desperately and now.Please leave me something encouraging in the comments section.Please also continue praying for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I am hoping to get out and do what I have to do.I am hoping that my family will come through for me and blow all the snow at the bottom of the driveway so I can do what I have to do.If it doesn't happen,then I guess that I have to hang out at home again.
That was my day today and my hoped for plans for the next day.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed out to church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.Though I had a terrible time getting out of my driveway to head for church,I made it out and I made it there all in one piece.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful with my fellow worshipers,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few boxes of hot chocolate and a couple bags of snacks.After paying for these,I headed straight home.
When I got home,though I had some difficulty getting into my driveway,I put the stuff that I bought away and I got out of my suit and into a sweatsuit.I also did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and watched a couple of DVD's that I popped into the DVD player.After these were over,I did a little more personal PC work.
After eating,I watched a few holiday themed DVD's and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia and the terrible SSA.The SSA struggle is made even more difficult with the BPD/Schizophrenia.I hear things and sounds that nobody else hears,such as footsteps and voices calling out my name or trying to get me to say other things.Early this afternoon,I again gave into temptation by manipulating my genitals when sexual images of men clouded my mind,but again,I was fortunate that I stopped myself before it went too far and I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ for sinning.While I did feel better after that,I am still working on trying to get tough with myself to stop this cycle of habitually sinning.I don't want to fall into a trap of sinning constantly against my Heavenly Father and keep asking for forgiveness for doing so.This is a trap that I am trying to avoid falling into and I know that at the moment,I am not doing a very good job of that.I really need to buckle down and start relying more on my Heavenly Father to give me the strength to fight and resist these terrible and overwhelming urges.I am really serious about wanting to heal from this terrible SSA and I want to stop doing this unclean practice of genital manipulation while sexual images of men creep up into my mind.If anyone has any ideas and/or advice on how I can stop this particular practice,please share it in the comments section,especially if it is Holy Bible based.I am open to try anything to stop this unclean and impure practice.I am also again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read the posts to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.My log gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments are rare.Please leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.A nice encouraging post in the comments section by a fellow blog follower would make my day.I need some positive verbal encouragement right now and prayers as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of going out to do some shoveling of snow and to keep my car clean of snow,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and as a result of the Winter Weather Advisory in effect for the area that I am living in,I didn't leave the house at all,except to simply go out and shovel the walk for the mail people and I also cleaned my car off of the snow that was on it.I also turned the engine on to warm it up for a few minutes as I don't want it to stall on me tomorrow morning when I leave the house to go to church.After I was done,I went back in the house and I popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it.I also watched another one after that was over.After that,I started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to watch a few holiday themed DVD's.I also prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily struggle against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA.Today,I fell again by giving into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and yes,sexual images of men clouded my mind while doing so.I stopped myself before it went too far and I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I really need to start buckling down and getting tough with myself.I can't keep falling constantly.I have to stop myself as I feel that I am falling back into habitual sin by falling so much.I need to start praying to my Heavenly Father for strength to help me fight and resist these urges.I also still need prayers from my fellow blog followers.I also need positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.Please leave me some positive verbal encouragement and please continue praying for me.I need all the support that I can get.Please show me that I am not alone.I feel alone when nobody leaves me any encouraging comments.Please leave me some positive verbal encouragement and also,please continue praying for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and afterwards,I watched a few holiday themed DVD's while waiting for my caseworker to show up.After the meeting with my caseworker,I shoveled the sidewalk for the mail people and cleaned the snow off of my car.It was snowing pretty heavily today and I just hung out at home watching a DVD or two.After the shoveling and the cleaning,I watched a couple more DVD's.After that,I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to watch a few more holiday themed DVD's and relaxed.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA.The SSA struggle can be very emotionally draining at times and can take away some much needed emotional energy.Today,as a result of me being home due to the heavy snowfall,I gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals to sexual images of men clouding my mind.I stopped myself before it went too far and I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I admitted full and total responsibility for my falling into sin as well.I did feel better as I truly believed that I was forgiven and that my Heavenly Father wiped the slate clean.I still need to continue working on getting tough with myself.I am still a work in progress and the best thing is that my Heavenly Father will never give up on me,but I can't abuse that in any way,shape or form.I have to avoid falling into the trap of habitually sinning and asking my Heavenly Father to forgive me for that.I see that anyone can fall into that trap,but I really want to avoid falling into that particular trap.Fellow blog followers and readers,if anyone or all of you has any ideas and/or advice so I can avoid that,please share.I need prayers,advice and continuous positive verbal support.Please pray for me.Please leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.Please leave me anything that I can use so I can avoid falling into that particular trap of habitually sinning and asking for forgiveness.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I am just going to stay home and watch a few more holiday themed DVD's while at home.I might also do some more cleaning up in my old upstairs room so I can start sleeping in it again.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I headed out to my Thursday morning spirituality group and I took my time getting there as a result of the weather conditions,which were blowing and drifting snow,but I made it there.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local kitchen to have lunch and when I was finished,I headed to the bank to withdraw some much needed money.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the money at the Where's George site and did my personal PC work.After that,I headed out again to a Best Buy in the next county to pay a bill and after doing a little shopping there,I headed straight home,though it took a little bit of extra time as there was also blowing and drifting snow in the area where the Best Buy was,but I made it home safely.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I did some more personal PC work.
After eating,I headed over to my usual Thursday evening Holy Bible study group,which was also a very wonderful meeting.I headed straight home after the meeting.
When I got home,I decided to get ready for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle with the psychiatric double whammy of BPD/Schizophrenia and my daily struggles with SSA.I was tempted,though minimally,today to indulge in lusting and fantasies of other men.Today,since I was out in the community,it wasn't a very big problem.I stayed busy and that took my mind off of the SSA.I was out and about today and that took my mind off of the negativity of the lustful and fantasy styled thoughts of men.I just stayed busy with what I had to do and I got through and that was good.I had no major upsets and that made me feel a little bit better.Still,I need prayers and positive verbal encouragement from my fellow blog followers.Please continue praying for me and please don't be shy and leave me some positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things each and every day.My blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rarely left.I need both of things.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also show that I am not alone in this as I feel alone when nobody leaves me an encouraging word or two.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of meeting with my caseworker,I have nothing planned.Since there is a possibility of a Winter storm coming,I might stay home and take it easy and watch a DVD or two or more.I also might clean up some more in my old upstairs room.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I actually woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda for today.
The real big thing for me today was that I had an appointment with my therapist today.I headed over to the local hospital for the session.
The session was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple more things.After paying for these things,I dropped a prescription off at the local drug store.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries that I bought away and I also got a phone call about a hopeful job interview opportunity.I returned the call by leaving a message on their voice-mail and after that,I also called the priest that I am currently having sessions with and left a message on his voice-mail so we can schedule our next session.After that,I did some more personal PC work.
After eating,I decided to pop a holiday themed DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.I relaxed and prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle with the psychiatric double whammy of BPD/Schizophrenia and my daily SSA struggles.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be.I also never know how my struggles with SSA will be.Day after day,it gets more and more difficult.At times,I wish that I didn't have these struggles.This morning,while still in bed trying to get up,I gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals while sexual images of men clouded my mind and that motivated the temptation.Fortunately,I managed to stop myself before it went too far and I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and I did feel better after that.For the rest of the day,since I had a few things on my agenda,I was out and that took my mind off of these things.For the rest of the day,nothing entered my mind to inhibit any temptations.I stayed busy just seeing my therapist and getting some more grocery shopping done.I am still asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things desperately.They both help keep me going and also,they show that I am not alone in this particular struggle.When nobody leaves me anything encouraging,I feel that I am alone.Please don't make me feel alone by leaving me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and my evening study group,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today, I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after relaxing for a while as a result of a terribly pounding sinus headache,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda for today.I first dropped another job application off at a nursing facility in another area of the county where I live and after that,I carefully headed for home as a result of some blowing and drifting snow that was happening at that particular moment.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few canned vegetables.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the canned vegetables that I bought away and proceeded to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to pop in a holiday themed DVD and I relaxed while watching it.After that,I got the garbage ready for tomorrow morning and I also put some recyclables in the recycling bins that I have.I put them out on the curb for the garbage collectors to pick up tomorrow.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I must say that the stuff that I struggle with gets even more difficult by the day.My struggles with the psychiatric double whammy of BPD/Schizophrenia,alongside my struggles with SSA,which are made more difficult by the psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with at the same time.It never gets any easier.I am still in therapy for the psychiatric double whammy that I have and I am still taking my medication as directed for it.Still,my SSA struggles are made more difficult by that.I hear voices telling me to manipulate my genitals constantly at at times,I do give into that.I really need to buckle down and get tough on myself.I really need to go to my Heavenly Father in prayer whenever this/these particular thing(s)start to come around.Today,since I was out in the community,I didn't have any real problems with that.I simply kept my mind on the important things that I was doing and that took my mind off of these negative things.Still,with the Winter season fast approaching where I am living,I need to really stay on guard as since there is really nothing much to do in my home area during this time of the year,temptation can rear it's ugly head when I least expect it.Right now,I need to buckle down and get tough on myself.I need to go to my Heavenly Father in prayer to ask for strength to help me fight and resist these urges as they come around.I need to ask for that strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I really need to start making a habit of that.I am still working on that and I am hoping to start making that a habit.I am also still going to need all the prayerful and positive verbal support that I can get from my fellow blog followers out there.Please continue praying for me and please continue to leave some positive verbal comments in the comments section.I need both of these things desperately.I really do need both of these things.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my appointment with my therapist in the early afternoon,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda for today.
Since we were until an advisory in my area,I simply went out to pick up a few things that I needed.I first stopped at a gas station to get some gas.After that,I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to buy a gallon of milk and after paying for that,I headed to a local Dollar General store to buy some windshield washer fluid.After paying for that and filling up my windshield washer reservoir with the fluid,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries that I bought away and I did a little bit more personal PC work.
After eating,I decided to pop a holiday DVD in and I watched it.I watched a few holiday cartoons since we are now in the Christmas season.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing with the psychiatric double whammy that I have,which is BPD/Schizophrenia.While that struggle is difficult in itself,my most difficult struggle is my struggle with SSA.This morning,I gave into temptation again by manipulating my genitals and yes,sexual images of men clouded my mind while I did that and I wound up ejaculating.After cleaning myself from doing that,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning in the name of his son Jesus Christ as I was really sorry for giving into that temptation.The struggle with SSA is a very difficult one indeed.I never know when temptations will start coming at me.I hate that I struggle with this and I wish that I didn't have to.I hate that I find members of my own gender sexually attractive and I hate everything connected with that.The thing is that anything connected with Homosexuality,including the sexual activity associated with it,is sinful.I understand that it isn't a sin to be tempted and that the Homosexual condition,which is emotional in itself,isn't sinful.It is a sin to act out on the unnatural desires that are connected with SSA and the temptations to act out can be very overwhelming.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life and I really need to get tough on myself and start buckling down on this problem.I need to show these unnatural desires that I have that I am stronger than they are,that I own them and they don't own me.It takes a lot of hard work,but I am willing to do that.I am not going to give up as my Heavenly Father never gives up on me.Fellow blog followers,please continue praying for me and also,I would really appreciate some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things desperately.Please pray for me and please don't be shy and leave me some positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day.
Today,I overslept and the only things that I had time for was a quick shower and a quick 2 cups of coffee.I got dressed up real quickly and I headed for church.I got there a little late for the Holy Bible study class,but I still got a lot out of it.despite that I missed the video segment that was watched and it was still wonderful.
The worship service was also wonderful.After some terrific fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things and after paying for those things,I headed to the nearby Big Lots and picked up something there.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I had my quick breakfast late,but still had it as I couldn't eat it earlier.After that,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,my head was pounding as a result of a sinus headache that I had and I took something for it.I laid down for a little over an hour and that helped me get rid of the headache.I got up and managed to catch the video segment that I missed this morning online and now,my day is complete.
After eating,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.I also did a little bit more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against the psychiatric double whammy that I have and the difficult SSA struggles that I have,which are made more difficult by my struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia.This afternoon,while trying to get a little nap as a result of my headache,I did give into the temptation to manipulate my genitals while sexual images of men clouded my mind.I did manage to stop myself before it went too far and I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him and as always,I asked him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I did feel better after doing so and I had my nap to get rid of my headache and was glad that I felt better later on.Still,I need to get tough on myself in regards to this thing.I need to get to my Heavenly Father in prayer to ask for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me fight and resist these overwhelming urges that I get that are connected with SSA and the struggle that I have with it.These urges can and do get very overwhelming.I really need to buckle down and go to my Heavenly Father in prayer whenever these overwhelming urges come at me.These temptations are terrible and I really need to let these unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.I need to work on keeping them under control.The thing is that with me,I live alone since my mother died last year and I am having it pretty bad as a result of me living alone.Again,I need to get tough on myself and buckle down by going to my Heavenly Father in prayer whenever these terrible urges come at me.I will continue working on that,but I still need prayers by my fellow blog followers.I also need some positive verbal encouragement from my fellow blog followers.I need both of these things desperately.I need these things to help me get by.They both help in a lot of ways as both prayer and positive verbal encouragement do have a lot of power and they work wonders as both are very powerful weapons that help in more ways than one.You never know how far prayers and positive verbal encouragement can go.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with a Winter Weather Advisory going into effect starting at 9:00pm and lasting until 11:00am tomorrow,I am thinking of just staying home and taking it easy and maybe continuing some more work in my old room upstairs.If the weather improves,which I doubt,I will go out to turn in another job application.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,since I overslept and it was too late to go to the Men's Network meeting,I simply went into my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had other things planned for today.
I first went to get my hair done and after that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few vital things and after that,I headed over to a local pizzeria for a few slices of pizza.After that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few more things.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I ate the pizza slices as my late lunch.After that,I headed back upstairs to continue the cleaning process in my old room so I can use it to sleep up there once again.After nearly an hour,I headed back downstairs to do a little bit more personal PC work.
After eating,I watched some old TV reruns for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and the SSA struggles that I have.Today,I actually gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and yes,sexual images of men did indeed cloud my mind.Fortunately,I managed to stop myself before it went too far and I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning.I asked for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and left nothing out.I did feel better and I truly believed that I was forgiven.Since I live alone,I have no roommates living with me as a result of my limited income and having no job,though I am still working on searching for one.I wish that I could have a roommate so that I could have someone that I could relate,identify and connect with in a healthy and authentic Christian way.Until I do find a good job,I have to stay on my own and keep trying to work on making frequent prayer through the day a part of my life.It's bad enough that I struggle with the psychiatric double whammy that I have,which makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.I wish that I didn't have to deal with the psychiatric double whammy that I have and I always wish that the SSA that I have would go away.I am tired of having SSA and I wish that I could find a way that I could resolve this.I keep praying to my Heavenly Father to point me in the direction of relationships with other men that are healthy and authentic that can lead to close friendships,bonding and the best of all,healthy and authentic Christian styled connections.That is all that I yearn and ask for.I have been praying to my Heavenly Father to lead me in the right direction,but so far,these prayers haven't been answered.I keep asking myself "What am I doing wrong in this?"If anyone who follows my blog and reads my posts,please share with me your viewpoint on what I am doing wrong and I will correct it.I need these types of relationships so I can learn and try to fill in all the emptiness that I have because I do want to be a whole man and also,to feel like a whole man.I want to feel the way that a man is supposed to feel and again,that is all that I yearn and ask for.Again,please keep up your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these desperately.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed up in dress clothes to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things on my agenda for today.I first dropped off a couple of job applications and I also paid my electric bill.I also bought a few things at a local Dollar Tree store.After that,I headed to a nursing facility to pick up another job application,which I will fill out over the weekend and turn it in on Monday.After that,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed back into a sweatsuit and I did some personal PC work.
After eating,I decided to pop a DVD into the DVD player and relax while watching it.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,the struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia are still a part of my daily life.Still,I am currently in therapy and taking my medication as directed.I have an appointment with my therapist on the 11th next week.My struggles with SSA are also very difficult as I have to put up with constant temptations to indulge in sinful sexual activity with other men and also,the temptation to indulge in fantasies and lusting with other men,including to look at online porn and online pictures of men in the nude.Yes,I get tempted to look at these things all time and to indulge.At least,I have a choice whether I want to act out or not.I can now go to my Heavenly Father in prayer and ask him for strength to fight and resist these overwhelming urges in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I ask him for this strength and I know that I get it because I don't feel the overwhelming urges anymore once I have prayed for that strength.Today,since I was out for much of the day,I didn't really have any problems.I stayed busy by pursuing jobs and by placing applications in at a couple of local businesses.I also stayed busy by shopping and just keeping my eyes on the road while driving.Still,I need prayers and positive verbal encouragement from all my fellow blog followers.Please continue praying for me and keep up saying positive encouraging words in the comments section.They help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of tomorrow's monthly Men's Network meeting and church on Sunday morning,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed real quickly to head over to my Thursday morning spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful and after that,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at my insurance agent's office to pay my car insurance bill.After that,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and I did my personal PC work.I also listened to some music while doing so.After that,I started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I got dressed again and I headed over to my usual Thursday evening Holy Bible study group,which also went wonderfully well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into bed clothes and prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some more recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the psychiatric double whammy of BPD/Schizophrenia and the terrible SSA struggle.The SSA struggle is difficult in itself,but the psychiatric double whammy that I have makes this particular struggle even more difficult.It is also difficult that I am trying to establish relationships with other men,but I am failing miserably.I keep asking myself "What am I doing wrong?" in regards to this and I can never get an answer.I know that my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ are there to help me and that I should continue working on seeking the kingdom first and my Heavenly Father's righteousness,but I also need to have positive,healthy and authentic relationships with other men that lead to friendships,bonding and healthy authentic connections,but I am not getting anywhere in this endeavor.I want to be a whole man and also,the man that my Heavenly Father intends me to be.I do want to be whole and I want to feel like a man should feel.The thing is that I really don't know how a man is supposed to feel.I also don't know what it feels like to be a man.I was never taught these things and also,my father while I was growing up never educated me in this regard.When I was a boy,the only things that I got from my father was his legalism and his physical and emotional abuse of me.I also never heard my father tell me once that he loved me.He never said it nor did he ever show it.This is the main cause of my SSA issues.This is why I am trying to establish relationships with other men so I can start learning how to be a man and also,to feel the way that a man is supposed to feel.Right now.with my SSA struggles,I don't feel like a man at all.I feel only the opposite.I want to feel like a man and be the man the my Heavenly Father intended me to be and wants me to be.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things desperately.I feel all alone here where I am at as I have nobody in my hometown to confide in.Please pray for me and also,please leave me something positive and encouraging to me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of continuing to put in more job applications,I have nothing else planned.But I do hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had quite a few things on my agenda for today.I first went to the post office to mail out a bill that needed to be paid and after that,I went to the public library to print something that I needed to print from my e-mail and after that,I went over to a nearby Salvation Army thrift store and I bought quite a few vinyl albums and after paying for them,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to buy a few things that I needed and after that,I paid another bill that needed to be paid and after that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few more things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and the really difficult struggle with SSA.Today,since I was out in the community for much of the day,this took my mind off of these struggles.I stayed busy by simply going places and doing what I felt needed to be done.I simply decided to stay busy by going places and having a pretty good time being out and about in the community.It was great that I didn't have to worry about temptation coming at me today as I was out.Still,just because I escaped today doesn't mean that I will escape tomorrow.Tomorrow is another day and I still need and have to stay on guard against these terrible temptations.I am again asking for my fellow blog followers to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive encouragement.I really need both prayers and positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going in this fight and struggle.They also keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my usual Thursday spirituality and evening study groups,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to the garage to pick up my car and I set out to get what I had to get done accomplished.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money and after that,I headed home to register some of the bills at the Where's George site.After that,I went back out to do what I had to do.
I first had lunch at a local pizzeria.After that,I went to the local K-Mart to buy something that I needed.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to buy some groceries and after that,I headed over to another local supermarket to pick up a few other things.After that,I headed over to the place of business of a friend of mine to drop off the last payment that I owed him on something and after picking up a used vinyl album and paying for it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.After that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia and the difficult SSA struggle that I am going through at the same time.I fell again today when I gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals until I ejaculated and yes,I was fantasizing and lusting after other men while doing so.I really felt miserable after sinning and I immediately went to my Heavenly Father in prayer and I asked in the name of his son Jesus Christ to be forgiven.I prayed real hard and after I was finished,I felt better.I really need to get tough with myself here.I can't keep falling into sin and asking my Heavenly Father to continue forgiving me.I have to work on not falling into habitual sin and habitual asking for forgiveness.I need to get tough with myself.I need to start praying when these urges come around and I need to pray really hard for strength to help me fight and resist these urges.I am serious that I want to heal from this terrible SSA.I am also serious about wanting to overcome it.Please pray for me as I really need some prayers right now.I need them desperately.I also need some words of positive encouragement right now.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning when I was awakened by a phone call.It was the garage that I left a message with on Saturday afternoon concerning the coolant leak and they simply advised me to bring it in and they would see if they could get to it today.After I hung up,I had my usual 2 cups of coffee and I got dressed to drop my car off at the garage and after that,I walked home.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my prescription refills and after paying the co-pay on them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I sorted out my prescriptions and took one of them.After that,I did my personal PC work and since I was experiencing a very painful headache,I took something for it and I laid down for a while.It took some time,but the headache slowly disappeared.After it was gone,I did a little bit more personal PC work.
I did hear from the garage and they told me that there was a leak in the coolant reservoir system and they would have it fixed before the end of the day,which they did and I told them that I would be by tomorrow to pick it up.I am glad that this is out of the way and I can move on with the rest of the week.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle against BPD/Schizophrenia and the worst thing of all,IMHO,SSA.The SSA struggle is never an easy one at all.It gets tougher and tougher each and every day.My struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia make my struggles with SSA even more difficult.I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory affects of Schizophrenia.I hear things and sounds that nobody else hears,such as voices and footsteps.Whenever I hear these things,I turn around to see who might be there,but see nobody or anything.At times,the voices that I hear,which I think could be Satan and/or his minions,telling me to play with myself to anything sexual having to do with men coming to my mind.I hear them all the time and I do give into them at times,though I know that I should pray for strength to fight and resist these urges.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life.I know that it isn't easy,but I am working on it.I need prayers right now as I am really getting tempted to act out on the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA that I struggle with.Please continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional period.I need prayers right now.I also need some positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of doing some shopping and picking up something from my nephew's house,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and phoned my sister so she could take me to church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
The study class and the worship service were both wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I called my sister to pick me up,which she did and we headed straight home.
When I got into the house,I got out of my suit and into a sweatsuit.I had a light lunch and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed upstairs to do some more cleaning up around my old room.I did get the hallway upstairs cleaned up of all the paper residue that was on the floor and that was all that I did.I relaxed and enjoyed some music and after that,I decided to head back downstairs and do some more personal PC work.I also prepared my evening meal while doing so.
After eating,I put a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my usual daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and the terrible SSA struggle.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be.The psychiatric double whammy that I have also makes my SSA struggles difficult.Today,I did give into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and yes,sexual images of men did cloud my mind.I managed to stop myself before it went too far and I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him.I asked him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life.I need to work on habitually asking my Heavenly Father for strength to fight and resist these terrible temptations that keep coming at me from all sides.I need to get tough on myself.I need to start doing this regularly.I need strength within my weakness.I have to start praying incessantly and I need to make it regular.While I am working on this,I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to please keep praying for me and also,don't be shy and leave me some words of positive encouragement.I need both of these things.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of hoping to get my car looked at tomorrow,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I was hoping to get around to that much delayed cleaning up in my old room upstairs,but complications delayed the clean-up again.I went out only once today to get something from a local supermarket and a light lunch at a local pizzeria,which i took home to eat.
When I got home,I saw green droplets on the snow in my driveway.I told my niece about this and she let her live in boyfriend know and he advised me not to drive the car,with the exception of driving it to a garage near-by.I did leave a message with a local garage and I am hoping that they can squeeze me in so they can check my car out to see what the problem is.I did have a talk with my sister and I asked her if she could take me to church tomorrow morning and she said that she might,though I also told her that I left a message with someone that I worship with,though I didn't know if I would be hearing from them before the end of the day.She said that if I did and they agreed,then let her know and I said that I would.After that,I concentrated on preparing my evening meal and when it was finished,I ate it and did some more personal PC work after that.Overall,a pretty good day day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing with everything that I struggle with.This includes the psychiatric double whammy that I have and my struggles with the terrible SSA demon.The latter struggle at times gets even more difficult by the day.Today,I gave into a terrible temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/full erection and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping with sexual images of men clouding my mind and I proceeded to masturbate until I ejaculated.I really felt terrible after I did that.I also felt really miserable that I failed my Heavenly Father.After washing my hands,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him.I asked him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I did feel better after that.I moved with the rest of the day.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life and I am doing this little by little.I really need to start this when these terrible temptations start to rear their ugly head at me when least expected.It is just that I am alone and I have nobody living with me so I can relate and identify with in a healthy and authentic way.I really need to get these same-sex needs that I have fulfilled in authentic ways.I don't want to indulge in any sort of immoral sexual activity with other men as that would only re-affirm the Homosexual/Gay identity,which is the identity that I am trying desperately to escape from.I want to do what is right in the eyes of my Heavenly Father,but my sinful nature wants me to do the exact opposite.I know that I am not perfect and I will fall short at times,but I can't use imperfection as an excuse to sin.I have to avoid falling into the trap of habitual sin.I don't want that to happen to me.I don't want to habitually sin constantly and keep coming for forgiveness as I don't want to abuse that divine gift that my Heavenly Father gives out of his love.I am going to continue working on making frequent prayer a part of my life and I really have to get tough on myself.I am again appealing to all of my fellow blog followers who read my posts to please continue praying for me.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your encouraging words as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.Please pray for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things to help keep me going.I also need to keep my determination and motivation strong with both of these things.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual and finally getting around to cleaning up my old room upstairs,I have no other plans.But I do hope that I can attain positive benefits with what I choose to do.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I had a couple cups of coffee.After that,I got dressed and I headed for the bank to withdraw a little bit of money as I was heading for an AMVETS thrift store in the next county.After getting a little bit of money,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I showered quickly and after my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I registered all the bills at the Where's George site and gave a friend a call to let him know that I was coming to pick him up so we'd go there together.After picking him up,we headed there.
When we got there,we found some wonderful stuff.I bought another suit for church and a blanket.I also bought some tapes and some more vinyl records.After we paid for our stuff,we headed for home.
On the way home,we stopped at a nearby McDonald's for a sandwich and a drink.After that,we headed straight home.
I dropped him off at home and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my clothes and into a sweatsuit.I did my personal PC work and after that,I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.I also made plans for my evening retirement.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I was actually overwhelmed by the positive feelings that I felt while out in the community.I was having a wonderful time and that was great.It took my mind off of my struggles and I didn't think anything about the sexual stuff as being out in the community took my mind off of that and I just concentrated on what I was doing while out in the community.I escaped today unscathed and that was good.Still,I am asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.I need both of these things.They both help keep me going in this particular struggle.They also both help keep my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow Americans out there.
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and when I did,I got a phone call from a friend who needed a ride to a local charitable organization as he had no other way to get there.I told him that I would do it,but I had to shower first and promised him that when I was finished,I would call him to let him know that I was on my way.We hung up and I headed for my shower and I went through it quickly.After I was done,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I phoned him and said that I was on my way and he said that he would be ready to go when I got there.
I got dressed and headed over there and after picking him up at his home,I dropped him off at the charitable organization and I advised him to let me know that he made it home by simply leaving a message on my voice-mail.He said that he would and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I breezed through my personal PC work and I headed over to my nephew's house once I was finished with that for dinner.
The dinner was wonderful.We had lots of food,lots of talk and shared lots of thoughts and stuff.After that,I headed over to another person's house that I was invited to,but when I got there,he told me that he was tired and in bed and he said that we could get together tomorrow.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and I relaxed.I also did some more personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it.I also made plans for my evening retirement.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
Today,since I was busy with my family having dinner and just talking about some things,I really didn't have any problems with SSA today.All of the events of the day took my mind off of these things.I didn't have anything troubling me nor trying to tempt me.I just wish that I could have social situations like this all of the time.I need stuff like this to take my mind off of the sexual aspect of this terrible SSA struggle of mine.In regards to my other struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia,I also didn't have much to worry about.I simply stayed busy with the socialization with my family and tried to stay upbeat and try to enjoy the day.It was pretty good.Still,I would really appreciate that y'all who follow my blog and read the posts that I write here to please continue praying for me and also,I would really appreciate a positive encouraging word or two in the comments section.I will also keep praying and continue to work on making frequent prayer a part of my day within my life.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,that friend who was tired today and I are hoping to go to the AMVETS store in the next county.I am hoping for a lot of bargains as it will be a Black Friday sale.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,but had a pounding headache.After I had a cup of coffee,I took something for it and went right back to bed and slept for a while.
After getting back up,I showered and I had my usual quick breakfast and another cup of coffee.After that,I quickly did my personal PC work and when that was done,I got dressed to go out and shovel the sidewalk for the mail-person so they can deliver the mail.It took about 15 minutes to do.Fortunately for my hometown,the Winter Storm Warning was discontinued so we didn't get the full brunt of snow like we were originally planned to get.I also cleaned off my car of snow and that took about five minutes.After all of my work was done,I went back into the house and changed back into a sweatsuit and I filled out a couple of paper job applications,which I will turn in on Monday afternoon.After that was done,I did some more personal PC work and when I finished that,I relaxed and popped a movie into the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I decided to watch another movie that I popped into the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.After that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia.It is a very difficult thing to struggle with and at times,I wished that I didn't to do so.I hear things that nobody else hears at times or my moods and/or emotions fluctuate when least expected.It can be pretty monotonous at times.It can also be draining and exhausting both emotionally and mentally.If having this psychiatric double whammy wasn't bad enough,I also have SSA struggles alongside that,which are made even more difficult by this particular psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.I have so much on my plate mentally that I can't stand it at times.Today,I gave into temptation twice.The first was that I again manipulated my genitals while still in bed as I was about to rise and later,I looked up sexual images of men online.I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ for falling short today at those two separate intervals as I really felt miserable and was also sorry for falling into sin.I feel like a terrible basket case at times when I sin by giving into temptation.It is just that I don't want to fall back into the trap of habitual sin and keep asking for forgiveness for my sins after I fall each time.I know that I am not perfect and my Heavenly Father also knows that,but I can't use human imperfection as an excuse to habitually sin.I am still working on getting tough with myself as I know that nothing happens overnight.I need to start praying regularly whenever temptation rears it's ugly head and ask for strength to help me fight and resist all sorts of temptations.I really need to do that.I need to show these unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.I need to show them that they don't define me in any way.I also need to show them that I won't let them dictate to me how I will act,live and behave.Fellow blog followers,I need prayers right now more than ever.I also need some words of positive verbal encouragement.I really need both of these things to stay on the road to overcome and heal and to also keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.Please continue praying for me and also leave me some words of positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow is the Thanksgiving holiday.I will be having dinner with my family and will also spend time with friends who live here in my hometown.When I got home,I will just relax and take it easy for a spell while preparing my evening retirement.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the holiday ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and as the afternoon was drawing near,I got dressed up in dress clothes as I was going to meet my job placement counselor at the local Dept. of Labor in my hometown.
When I arrived there,we spent a little over half and hour looking over many possibilities.Most of them required experience in the fields that they had and others required college degrees.After that,she advised me top pick up a few job applications on the way home and fill them out there.I did that as we left the office and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to pick up a job application each and when I went to two other places,they said that they only took applications online.After making a couple of stops at a couple of local stores,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I had a few peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to tie me over until dinner.After I ate them,I did some more personal PC work and I relaxed for a while until it was time to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to pop a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.After that,I relaxed and prepared to retire for the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of both BPD and Schizophrenia.Today,I wasn't feeling too down.I was up to what I had planned for today.I did feel a little hopeful and optimistic in going to the Dept.of Labor in my hometown to look over the various jobs that they had listed there.I will be turning the applications in hopefully on Monday as tomorrow,there is still a Winter Storm Warning in effect for 24 hours and I don't want to take any chances.I guess that tomorrow,if it really storms as they say it will,I will simply have to stay home and take it easy.I got plenty of movies to watch and I will just relax and watch some.In regards to my SSA struggles,I was out for much of the day and that took my mind off of sexual stuff.Still,the temptations were there,but since I was out for much of the day and kept my mind on other things,they simply faded.Though I did escape today unscathed,there will be tomorrow and the day after that and so on.Tomorrow,since I will be home all day,that provides a perfect opportunity for temptation to come at me when least expected.I will have to work on staying strong and keeping up in prayer to my Heavenly Father when that happens.I need to pray for strength and I need help in staying strong.I have to show these unnatural sexual desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.I am also asking that y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please keep up in praying for me.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both prayers and encouraging words.They both help in many ways as prayers and positive verbal encouragement are both very powerful tools.They have much power and can help in more ways than one.My blog gets many visitors,but comments of any kind are rare.I need words of encouragement as much as I need prayers.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep me strong in regards to my determination to overcome SSA and my motivation to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks to all of you in advance for both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,since it is supposed to storming with snow and blowing and drifting snow,I am simply going to stay home and take it easy.I am also going to watch a movie or two during the day.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I had only a few things on my agenda for today.The main thing on my agenda was that I had an appointment with the nurse practitioner at the local hospital.I headed over there and when I got to the local hospital,I dropped off an employment application at the front desk and headed over to her office and waited for a while in the waiting room.
The session was great.After some talk and some check-up's,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something.After paying for what I had to get,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I decided to lay down and relax as I had a terrible sinus headache.I took something for it and laid down for a while.I felt better after that and started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work and when that was done,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia.Today,on that front,I was emotionally feeling a little bit better.I wasn't feeling as down and tired as I was yesterday,which was good.Today,the only thing was that I had a terrible sinus headache,which went away when I decided to lay down and relax.I did feel better after laying down and I decided to prepare my evening meal.In regards to my SSA struggles,which my struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia make even more difficult,I actually gave into temptation twice today by manipulating my genitals when sexual images of men clouded my mind.Once in the early morning while in bed and later on when I laid down again for my headache.On both occasions,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive my sins,which I asked for in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and while asking for his forgiveness,I also accepted full and total responsibility for my fall into sin.I did feel better after that on both of those occasions.I really need to be extremely tough on myself and stick to my resolve to overcome this terrible SSA.I can't let Satan and his minions have their way with me.They continually spread the lies that nobody who is Homosexual/Gay can change and that we are to simply lives our lives as the unnatural sexual desires want us to live.They also spread the lie that there is nothing wrong with any of the sexual activity connected with Homosexuality and that it is inborn,genetic and normal.The thing is that our Heavenly Father says,through his sacred word the Holy Bible,that Satan is the ultimate liar and the father of the lie.The Holy Bible condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender and in it's own way,it says that this particular sexual activity is unnatural,unclean,impure,immoral,unnatural and above all,just plain wrong.I am still working on making prayer a part of my daily life and I really need to pray to my Heavenly Father whenever these terrible temptations to manipulate my genitals to sexual images of men keep coming around.I am still working on this.I am also again asking that y'all continue praying for me as I am going through this terrible and difficult emotional time.It is a very difficult emotional time for me.I need all the prayers that I can get.I also ask that y'all don't be shy and leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.They do help out in many ways.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of meeting my job placement counselor at the local Dept.of Labor,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed over to the church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
The study class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something that I needed.After that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my sweatsuit.After that,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to lay down for a while.I also listened to some music while lying down.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and got ready to retire for the evening.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day as for me,going to church on Sunday morning always makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia.Today,I was feeling pretty down and tired,which is one of the symptoms of BPD,Today was the first time in a long time that I was feeling down and drowsy,though I managed to stay awake and not fall asleep.I went through it much of the day.I even had a cup of hot green tea to try and keep myself awake,but I still remained sleepy.I laid down for about an hour and I did feel a little bit better,though still felt drowsy and down.I am hoping that I will feel better after a good night's sleep tonight and I will be much more up and feeling better tomorrow.I did have a minor fall in regards to my SSA struggles.I gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals to sexual images of men,but I managed to stop myself before it went way too far.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for falling into sin.I asked him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and I left nothing out.I asked for forgiveness because I really felt bad and miserable for sinning.Little by little,I am trying to make frequent prayer a part of my day and life.I am determined to overcome this terrible SSA.I also want to overcome this terrible SSA.The minute that these terrible temptations come around,I need to pray and ask for strength to help me fight and resist them.I need to be tough on myself and I need to start now.I need to start praying and praying really hard whenever these terrible temptations come around.While I work on that,I am again asking that y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive encouragement.I need some positive encouragement right now and as usual,prayers.They do help in a lot of ways.They help keep me going and keep both my determination and motivation strong.Please leave me some positive encouragement in the comments section and also,please continue your prayers for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my appointment with the nurse practitioner at the local hospital,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ