Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better that I have been.I had a very smooth work shift today.It went by pretty fast.I got quite a bit done and I was happy.Before I started,I had a nice green salad for lunch at work during the lunch time break and it was delicious.After I had my lunch,I did my job and as stated,the shift went by smoothly.After I dropped off the laundry,I picked up a couple of things at a supermarket,cashed my paycheck and went home.When I got home,I did some catching up on my personal PC work and I also did a viral scan while I ate dinner.The good news is that there are no viruses or spyware on my computer.I even talked with that one friend who I have been trying to get together with for so long and he was feeling down in the dumps due to some things going on in his personal life.I wished him the best of success in his job searching and I hoped that he does indeed find a job.He thanked me and when my mom called me for dinner,I told him that I had to go and he again thanked me for calling.
The weekend is finally here.I am glad for that.I can hardly wait to sing tomorrow night for my friends.I know that it will be something special indeed.This is what I always wait on every week and it always puts a smile on my face when the weekend comes.I am eager to entertain my friends and I am hoping that it all goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for tomorrow night.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.The work shift went by smoothly and even the errand that I ran for my mom went well.But when I got home,I tried to relax but I couldn't.I was lying down on my bed and all of a sudden,images of men in a sexual way were coming back.I had the same old dreams of being in a room with another man with the both of us in bed together and I was performing sexual acts on him and it led me to masturbation.I really felt bad and depressed about this.I asked the creator to forgive me and though I believed I was forgiven,I still felt guilty and miserable.But after taking a couple of St.John's Wart capsules,I felt better and I went to get dinner for me and mom.It was simple take out food from a local KFC and it was pretty good.We had homemade pasta salad as a side dish and it was good.I also had pasta for lunch at work today before I went home for the afternoon after my shift was over.I was tired and I wanted to get home.I have to do it again tomorrow afternoon and I am hoping that the shift goes well.
I am now at home and I am feling better.I do not feel depressed like I did earlier after the relapse.As stated,I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride as of late since the sudden death of a fellow support group at the church member died.I guess that it will take me a while to get over this sudden and tragic death of him.I have never been in a rut like this for as long as this.It has been a month and I have not really started to adjust to life after this.I know that I will but I need to take my mind off of this and I do need to really readjust after this negative and senseless tragedy.I am going to need all the support that I can get.I don't know whether I'm coming or going.Again,I desperately need to readjust.I am hoping that someone can help me.
As stated,tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes by well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.The laundry pick up went well.There was no mess to clean.I simply dropped it off at the work site and after some time at the social club,I went home.On the way,I did manage to stop at a Burger King in my area and have a Whopper Jr. sandwich.I felt that this would tie me over until dinner.
When I got home,I simply watched a special feature on a new DVD that I bought and relaxed.I also layed down on my bed for a bit.I did so because I received the book that I was waiting on.The minute that I get the money to pay that friend of mine,I am going to send it to him.I managed to read some of the contributions that I shared and that was wonderful.It was great to finally read that and smile know that I accomplished something.It is great to contribute to something and share it with the entire world.
After a light dinner,I went to my support group meeting at the church and the meeting was wonderful.We are still feeling the pain of the death of that member who was taken from us so suddenly and at so young of age when he was working on a reconciliation with his family.It is a very tragic thing.Like the rest of my group,I am also feeling it.I have been on an emotional roller coaster ever since this happened.I am hoping that this is over soon.I don't think that I can stand it much longer.But I am going to tough it out and hope for the best.I know that he would not want me or any of the group to dwell on the fact that he is gone.I know that he would want us to move on with our lives and accept that he is no longer with us.I am going to work on that and I am hoping that this rut is over soon.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,I will do a favor for my mom and I will take it easy for the rest of the day.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty fair.I had a pretty smooth work day today.But it did go by slowly.But I managed to get a lot done.
I also managed to finally,on my break,get ahold of a friend of mine who I have been trying to get ahold of the past several days.He said that he had gone away for a while because he felt that he needed to get out of town for a while.I was relived that he was okay and well.I was worried about the guy because I did not hear from him and it really made me think that there was something wrong.But I am relieved that he is okay and that he is well.I am still looking forward to getting together with him and he is still hoping for the same thing.I hope that something will happen.I have not really seen this guy face to face in quite a while and I am hopingthat soon,we can see each other again.We have been having great conversations and that is great.Again,we are hoping to get together again.I hope that something comes of this.
When I got home,I managed to get an errand done for my mom and I also got some donuts from a local Tim Horton's.It was a nice change of pace from having ice cream.I enjoyed the nice little snack.I also managed to relax a bit in the afternoon.That too was great.
I am now at home relaxing.I am getting ready for tomorrow.I only have to do a little bit tomorrow and that is good.Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day and I am hoping that the pick-up goes smoothly.Tomorrow night is also my support group meeting at the church and I am hoping that the meeting also goes well.I am hoping that the day overall goes well.
I rescheduled my appointment with the medication manager at the local hospital.I did it this morning before leaving for work.Though it is only almost a wek away,I am hoping that the meeting goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Happy Labor Day,Everybody!
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty fair day today.I did not do too much.I never have much to do on holidays like this one.I stayed home for much of the day and I took it easy.It was a nice sunny day with only a small amount of humidity.But it was pretty good.I did not leave the house very much today except to run a coulpe of personal trips.I went out to get a couple slices of pizza as a small appetizer to tie me over until dinner.After dinner,I went out to get a battery for my watch so I can keep track of the time.My watch wore out one night and I waited to get a battery until I had the money.It was a cheap watch but the battery was replaceable and it does keep good time.After that,I came home and finished my personal PC work.It was a lot but I got it done.
I am now at home relaxing.It is evening at the moment and I am getting ready for the next day,which is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by smoothly.I have been on an emotional rollercoaster as of late and I see,as far as this moment,that it is not going to end very soon.But I am hanging in there and I am still hoping that things will start working out for me.As stated previously,I am awaiting a book by a friend of mine,which he autographed,and I can not wait to check it out.I am still wondering how my contributions came out in the book.Again,I can hardly wait to receive it and to read it.WOW!I am hoping that it is a great work.
As stated,tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by smoothly.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.I did not do too much.I simply went and did some personal shopping for myself.I had to pick up a few things that I really needed.It was nothing much.It was just a few odds and ends.But I got it out of the way.The day was pretty nice and I had a pretty good time out today.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went great.It was a pretty awesome night.I even tried out one new song last night.It was an old David Allan Coe song.I heard it on the juke box and I thought that I would do it.It was pretty tough to sing but I managed it very well because I did get a very positive reponse from the crowd.The rest of the songs were songs that I reaquainted myself with.I am hoping to try out a few new stuff this coming Saturday and I am hoping that it all works well.Again,it was a wonderful night and I had a blast.
I had a talk with a friend of mine from New Jersey and he's doing good.We talked for a short time but it was great to talk with him.Afterwards,I took it easy for a while.I also layed down for a bit on my bed listening to a few of the old fashioned 78's that I bought a few weeks ago from the old man at that garage sale.For the rest of the evening,I have not really decided what I am going to do.I might go out for a drink and socialize with a few people or I might just stay home.Whatever I do,I hope that it helps me in a positive way.
Tomorrow is Labor Day.It is nothing special because I always have a day off on Monday.But it is great to have a nice holiday where I can do some stuff.There will be nothing much open tomorrow.So,I just might take it easy and concentrate on the week ahead.
That was my day today.My night last night and my hopes for tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling hopeful and optimistic.I had a pretty good day today.I went over to that friends house to pick up the money that he owed me and he had it.That was great.Afterwards,I went to a shopping mall in my town to get a haircut.I had to wait for nearly an hour to get it because there was a lot of customers in the mall and even the hair cut place.I did not mind.If I had to wait.I had to wait.The wait was well worth it.After the near hour was up,I went in and got my hair cut the way I wanted it.It was wonderful.After that,I stopped at a supermarket in my area to pick up a little thing for dinner on Monday.I also had to go to a drug store to pick up something for my mom.Overall,not too bad of a day.
When I got home,I took a bath and shaved.I ate dinner after cleaning up.It was just a small pizza.But it was great.After dinner,I took it easy and finished my personal PC work.I also relaxed in my room and listened to a little music.
Tonight is my night to go out and sing up a storm.I am hoping that the night goes well.Though I rarely,if ever,have an off night,I still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.But I am keeping my head up and I am remaining hopeful and optimistic.I still hope for a great night.
Tomorow is Sunday.I have not made any plans but whatever I do,I hope that it will help me in a very positive way.Monday is the holiday.I might just stay home and take it easy because there will not be too many places open.
That was my day today.My hopes for the nights tonight and my hopes for the rest of the weekend.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a very smooth work shift today.It was so smooth that it went very fast and I was glad when the time was over.After the loads that I had to get done were finished,I simply bagged them and dropped them off at the drug/alcohol rehab center.Afterwards,I went to the store for my mom and picked up a couple of things for the home.One thing was for dinner and another was strictly for the home.Overall,a pretty smooth work day.
When I got home from work,a video that I had been waiting on had arrived.I was worried that it would not show up because I was checking the Track & Confirm via the USPS website and there was no record of the shipment over the last few days.But today,when I got home,there it was in a Priority Mail envelope and I was excited.It was the ZOOM:Best of the '70's video.I even watched it after the local news tonight and it was awesome.It brought back some pretty good memories of my childhood before my dad took me to live with him.Before my dad took me away from here,I had some really pleasant memories here at this home but that "brief" visit with my dad,which lasted nine months,was what really mixed me up.I went from being a happy kid to being an angry young man later on struggling with this SSA gender identity disorder.This was the root cause of my struggles alongside the rejection by other males and the sexual abuse that I endured.But the pleasant stuff that I remembered watching the video was awesome and it was great to revisit the happiness that I felt at that particular time.But now,I am heading in the right direction and I am still working on overcoming and recovering from this rut that I am currently in.
I am glad that the weekend is here.I can hardly wait to entertain the crowd tomorrow at the place where I sing.I always look forward to that every Saturday night and I am hoping that the night goes well.
The only disappointing thing was that when I called that friend of mine who I have been trying to get together with,he was not home or maybe he was sleeping.I will call him again tomorrow afternoon and see if he is doing good.I also have to drop in on a friend who owes me money.But mainly,I want to see how he's doing and see if him and his live in girlfriend is doing good.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty smooth work day today.The shift went by pretty good and fast.It was like nothing happened.But I did get a lot done and that was great.Even the laundry pick-up today went by well.There was no mess to clean.I simply picked up the laundry and brought it to the work place to sort it out and get it done.Again,a very smooth work shift.
I also had an appointment with the substitute sexual abuse support counselor today and that meeting went by well.The lady that my regular counselor substituted for me is actually great.We talked about my life and some of the things that had happened when I was younger.The session was pretty short but I don't mind.I would much rather stretch it out over several sessions rather than talk about everything in one.That way,I always have some stuff to talk about each and every session and that way,my mind doesn't draw a blank when I get to the office for each and every session.Again,it was a great session and I am looking forward to the next one.
After the session,I did some grocery shopping for my mom because she needed some stuff for dinner tomorrow.It was not much.It was just several little things that I needed to get so we could have what my mom would like to fix.I am hoping that it all turns out well.Tomorrow is also pay-day and then there is the three day Labor Day weekend.Of course,Monday is always a day off to me so I am used to the thing.Still,I am just glad that there is a holiday coming up so I can concentrate on the next work day.
Earlier this afternoon,I had a talk with a friend of mine from North Carolina.I was surprised to hear from him so soon.I left a message on his voice mail and I did not expect to hear from him so soon.He told me that the book that he is working on is finished and ready to be sold.He also informed me that my copy is going to be placed in the mail today so I can receive it in a few days.I can hardly wait to get it.It is a book where I contributed some stuff to and I can hardly wait to see how my contributions come out.He also gave me some affirming words about my participation in the men's online inquiry forum.He told me that I was a very courageous man in sharing all of my life within the group and for being honest with the men in the forum and that I should keep it up.He also told me that I was one of the founding members in the forum.All of that made me feel a bit better and that was awesome to hear those words.I always enjoy talking to him because he always knows what to say at the right time.Again,I can hardly wait to receive that book.I can also hardly wait to read it.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better than yesterday.Today was simply a pick up day and that went great.There was no mess to clean nor was there any problems of any sort.After dropping off the laundry at work site and sorting it out,I went straight home.While I was out doing my job,I did a special virus scan on my computer to see if there was anything in my database that should not have been in there because of the problems that I was having yesterday regarding why the screens were freezing on me.Thankfully,there was nothing in my computer database that woudl cause this.There were no viruses or spyware.It was a relief and I felt better about that.I also took a nap when I got home because I still felt a little tired due to a lack of sleep last night.The nap made me feel better.After my nap,I finished my personal computer work.
The current scandal from Washington concerning Senator Craig,who was caught trying to come on to that other guy in that restroom,really brought back things from my past.I started getting mental pictures of some of the things that I used to do in search of anonymous sex with other guys.Whenever I had anonymous encounters,they happened just about anyplace.Most of the times I had anonymous sex,which consisted mostly of me performing oral sex on another guy,happened in places like school bathrooms,in bushes or wooded areas surrounded mostly by trees so we could hide anywhere while I performed the sexual favor(?)on the other guy.It's a wonder why I never got caught doing that to them in those places.Sometimes I wished that someone did catch me mainly because I wanted to stop me and ask "WHY!?" or maybe try to steer me away from it.Yes it did bring back a lot of painful stuff that I was trying to put out of my mind but now they are coming back in the forms of mental pictures.It's like watching a video of yourself performing this activity non-stop on those other guys.I only performed the sexual act because it gave me a feeling of something.It was not a sexual feeling but as I later learned,it was a feeling of fulfillment that I received because I was looking to feel like a man and wanted something that I lacked.I wanted to be masculine and the feeling that sucking the cocks of other guys until they ejaculated in my mouth,which was followed by my swallowing of their ejaculate,was because I wanted masculinity and I was actually sucking them off just to be masculine.Of course,I was to later learn that giving blowjobs was no way of achieving this.The more you gave.The more emptiness you will feel.First,you will feel fulfilled but the feeling is temporary.The emptiness always comes back when the feeling of fulfillment wears off and you're back to where you were before you performed oral sex on the other guy.I also loved the feel that another man's genitals were giving me.That is what led me to become addicted to performing this activity on other guys because I felt that it was something that I really wanted to do and that being attracted to men and performing oral sex on them was an inevitability rather than a choice.Plus,I wanted to feel that good feeling every time I got the opportunity to do just that.I also have to admit that there were times that I did not want to because,at the same time,there were also conflicting emotions over this.While I felt that I was enjoying this and that it was inevitable that I did that,I still felt that this was not right to do nor did it make sense.But when they exposed their hard cocks,I gave in.Again,I was enjoying it even though I felt that this was not the thing for a guy like to do to another guy.But at the same time,I felt that since this was who I was and also felt that this was something that I had to do because of my cravings to feel those "false positive" feelings every time,I felt that there was no choice and that acting out was inevitable and that what I was doing and who I felt that I was in that sense was the essence of who I really was.But now,I am smarter and I now know that acting out is a choice and not an inevitability.Whenever I get the feelings of emptiness,I can now find healthy ways of fulfilling my needs and how I can feel like a man without performing anything sexual on a man.Acting out sexually is a choice and not something I have to do all because of the environmental factors that lead me to become Homosexual(i.e.Gay)and also,the years of sexual abuse that I endured all because I was being used as a little plaything for all those selfish bastards who did not care about how I felt regarding this stuff.Yes,I admit it.There were times that I did because I wanted to do it because they were the moments when I was really hungry and starving and I was going crazy about feeling that way and saying to myself,but not loudly,"I just gotta suck some guy's dick!I am starving!I gotta suck some guy off!I need to feel those feelings again!I need swallow some guy's cum!I gotta suck some guy's dick!"When the opportunity presented itself,I gave in when asked and I did feel better.But again,the haunting reality of emptiness would come back after those good feelings faded and as usual,I was back to where I started from.But again,I know that I am now free from being enslaved to the image of a naked man with an erection.I am glad that I can now fulfill my needs in a healthy way and not perform anything sexual on a guy.I now have knowledge and I can now think before I act.It is great that I no longer have to perform oral sex on another guy to feel fulfilled.If I continued to do that everytime I turned around,I would be doing that for the rest of my life and to forever be addicted to giving blowjobs until the day I die.Thank God I'm free.I stil get the desires but now,I can choose whether to act out on them or not.
My support group meeting at the church tonight went great.It was wonderful to relieve myself of some more emotional baggage and share what went on with me during the last few days.It was wonderful to be heard and to hear the other men.I am looking forward to next week's meeting.I hope that it goes as well as tonight's.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.The work day went by smoothly but for much of the day,I was very depressed.I did not know why that I was.It just happened.I guess that I was still disappointed that I did not get to see the medication manager over at the local hopsital yesterday.I was also feeling somewhat tired.Again,the work day went by smoothly but I was feeling depressed.I am hoping that I will feel better after a good night's sleep.
This afternoon,when I got home,I simply took it easy for a while before doing anything.Though the work day went well,I was tired and I thought that I would rest and take it easy for a while.I did do my personal computer work this afternoon but I had some computer issues.My computer froze on me twice today.It was so bad that I had to pull the plug on it to unfreeze it and start all over again.I did go out earlier this evening looking for herbal tea that can help ease my mood when I get the occasional spell of the blues.Today was no exception as I was feeling down.
I guess another reason I am feeling down is because I am trying to initiate helathy relationships with other guys.You see,I gave my phone number to a few guys that I knew in hopes that they would call me and we can arrange a little get together.But I have not heard anything from them and I am wondering what is going on.I also know a few guys who do have an addiction to sex and I think that this is all they care about.It is a shame when a guy like me who is struggling with emotional issues is trying to seek support from his fellwo man and he is not getting it.Nobody told me that this was going to be easy but this is ridiculous.What is the problem?Is there something I did wrong?If so,What is it?I would like to know.The mere fact that I have not heard from them is what's contributing to my depression.I will keep trying to initiate these things.I am still holding on to the hope that something will happen.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that this goes well.Tomorrow night is my support group meeting at the church.I am hoping that the meeting goes well,too.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.The reason why I am feeling this way is because I had high hopes for attending that appointment today with the medication manager over at the local hospital but it was cancelled.Apparently,the manager did not come into the office today and the appointment recording secretary called me to inform me of the cancellation.I have to call the hospital back in the near future to reschedule the appointment.I am hoping that I get ahold of her soon so I can do that.I had high hopes but those hopes came crashing down.OH WELL!
I did manage to find a suitable replacement for the day.I went to visit a friend of mine who owned a music store to show him the Elvis video that I bought a few nights ago.He told me that it was a good find and that I should take good care of it.After that,I had a pasta lunch at a small local restaurant.I also ran an errand for my mom and I stopped at a couple of Salvation Army thrift shops and found some more collectable records at both of them.Despite the disappointment,I had a pretty good day but now I have to wait a while before I can unload all of what I wanted to unload today with the medication manager at the hospital.I am hoping that I do not have to wait too long.I am going to call the hospital tomorrow and I am hoping that I can reschedule the appointment sooner than expected.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by smoothly.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a not too exciting day today.I simply ran a few errands for my mom and went to visit a friend of mine for short time.He is doing pretty good.The only major disappointment of the day was that I was hoping to get together with a friend who I had been hoping to get together with but he was not home.He was out with his girlfriend.Though it did disappoint me,I did manage to talk with him on the phone for a half hour today.He sadi that we would have to play it by ear and see what happens.I am hoping to get together with him soon.I have not seen him in quite some time.I hope that it happens soon.
I did manage to stop at a few garage sales today.I picked up a lot of stuff at one.It was a bunch of video tapes and a couple more record albums.The person running the sale was a person who I had not seen in quite a while.It was an old school mate of mine.It was great to see him.I also ran into a young lady who I have not seen in quite a while.She was surprised that I remembered her and what she used to do in high school and who she used to go out with.It was awesome running into these people after all these years.It was also awesome finding all these great collectables.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd was a big success.There was a pretty big crowd at the place last night.It was really neat.I had a blast and it was great.I am looking forward to doing it again next week.
For the rest of teh evening,I have not made any plans.But I think that I might go out and have a drink with a few people at the place where I sing.If I do,I will make it short because I have something that I have to do tomorrow.
Tomorrow is my day off.I do have something that I need to do tomorrow afternoon.I have an appointment with the medication manager at the local hospital.I hope that the meeting with her goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling great.I had a wonderful day today.As stated yesterday,I went to the shopping mall where the Buffalo Sabres trio of the 1970's known as the French Connection were signing autographs and it was great to see those guys again.Yes it was.I had a wonderful time waiting in the line to get their autographs and it was well worth the wait.I even had a few great talks with some of teh other fans who were waiting to get their autographs as well.I also got a free ticket to another event there.It is to get FREE pictures of some select athletes from many Western New York sports teams on the 11th of September.I can hardly wait for that.I will be meeting a few current Buffalo Sabres players there that day.It will be totally awesome.I can hardly wait for that.It will at 6:oop.m.on the 11th of September.
Tonight is my night to entertain the crowd at the place where I do sing.I am looking forward to this with of enthusiasm and optimism.I am hoping that the night goes well.Though I rarely,if ever,have an off night,I still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.
Tomorow is Sunday.I am hoping to finally get together with that old friend who I have been meaning to do that with.I will be calling him tomorrow afternoon to see if it is going to be.I hope that it will be what it will.It would be great to sit face to face with him talking about a lot of things.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty tough day today.I had to take over for the normal Friday morning cleaner this morning.I got a couple of hours in this morning and I did my normal job in the afternoon.The laundry pick-up was smooth.No mess to pick up at the pick up place.The rest of the day went by smoothly but I was tired.I am glad that I do not have to do that every time.I am used to resting up in the morning while working to keep myself awake so I can go to work in the afternoon on Fridays.But I am greatful for the extra pay.I am going to need it.
I am glad that the weekend is finally here.I am going to do my usual entertaining the crowd tomorrow night.I am hoping that it goes well.I also have other plans for tomorrow.I am going to a shopping mall where I will be meeting the Buffalo Sabres trio from the 1970's known as The French Connection.I always go somewhere when they sign autographs for their fans and this time,there will be pictures taken as well.That will be neat.I am looking forward to that with a lot of enthusiasm.It will be great to get more autographs.
I also had a talk with an old friend tonight.It was that same friend that I was hoping to get together with last Sunday but he was sick.But we are hoping for this Sunday.I hope that it can happen.I have not seen him in quite a long time.I have talked with him over the phone lots of times.But to see him face to face will be great.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.I am feeling mostly anger because I had a very difficult day at work today.The day started out promsing and I had a lot of optimism in me as the day started.
But the day turned difficult after I had a run in with a guy who thought his shit didn't stink.The run in was regarding the social club computer.As I have stated previously,there have been some problems in the past regarding the social club computer regarding people not recording their time down and all sorts of stuff,such as pornographic web addresses appearing in the history even when the person who was on there during the specific time was not even logging on to.This time,a guy recorded his time down but it was not the correct time based on the computer clock and also,he was also on too long.At the social club,the rules state that you must record time on and off and you also have to use the computer clock and not the clock on the wall.Plus,when I made a statement what that guy told me about his being unaware of that rule,I simply and politely informed him that "Ignorance Of The Rules Is No Excuse."He jumped to the wrong conclusions,got really angry and threatened me right in front of a female staffer and even had to nerve to swear an even swearing(i.e.profanity)was against the rules.Apparently,the coordinator talked with him and told him that threats against other members were inappropriate and that he would be suspended for a week the next time he did so.Of course,while that might have worked out well,I am still feeling at edge over it because I was angry at that guy for what he did wrong to me.I am hoping that I feel better tomorrow.I am hoping that a good night sleep will help me out.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am working a full day tomorrow.The normal Friday morning cleaner called in sick and I am taking over for the cleaner.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.I did my typical laundry pick-up today and it went well.There was no mess today for me clean up and after I picked up,I dropped it off at the work site and sorted out the laundry.I left afterwards.I did not make any stops on the way home except to withdraw some money for my mom and have a light lunch at Burger King.It was nothing special.It was just a Rodeo Cheeseburger and after I finished,I drove home.Before I did that,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas in my tank.
When I got home,I simply finished up my personal computer work.It was a lot to do.But I managed to get it done.
For the rest of the afternoon,I simply took it easy and watched some of the special features on my copy of the special unrated and fully extended edition of Seed Of Chucky.It was great.I saw some stuff on there where they talked about why the movie was made and why they felt it should be made.It was interesting to see all of this stuff and learn something new at the same time.
Later this afternoon,I heard from,via e-mail,the guy who I bought records from on Monday.He told me that he searched high and low for his cell phone but never found it.He also informed me that he bought a new one.I replied thanking him for letting me know and I apologized for his inability to find it.
I attended my support group meeting at the church tonight and it was wonderful as always.Once again,it was wonderful to let go of some emotional baggage and hear the stories of the other men.I am looking forward to next Wednesday night's meeting.I hope that it is as wonderful as the last.
Tomorrow is simply another work day.I hope that the shift goes well for me.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty smooth work day today.It was just the same old same old.But again,it went smoothly and fast.There was a lot to be picked up today and there was also a lot to drop off.I also had a helping hand today in the form of a man that I used to work with and that made me feel pretty good.Afterwards,I went to buy something for my mom and went home.
When I got in,I got a phone call.It was from the guy that I bought the records from yesterday.Apparently,his cell phone was missing.He asked me if I had taken it accidently.I said that I didn't and that if I did,I would've returned it to him.He said that the reason why that he asked was because he left it in his garage and that he really needed it desperately because of his heart condition.I wished him the best of success in finding it and that I do hope that he does.He said Thanks and hung up.After that,I laid down until dinner.We had a light meal.
I also went and picked up some donuts at a local Dunkin Donuts.We had a spare coupon for buy 6 get 6 free and I thought that I would take advantage of this once again.I am always up for something different regarding desserts rather than have the same old stuff every time.It was not a very eventful day but I did get a lot done.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.After that,I will just relax and take it easy for much of the afternoon.After that,I have my Wednesday night support group meeting at the church and I am hoping that it goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a not too eventful day day today.I woke up today around 12:30 p.m. and was greeted by the unexpected.My grandnieces and grandnephew came over to spend the afternoon here.Yes they did.I don't mind but I was a little disappointed because I was hoping for a nice quiet afternoon at home but I did not get it.I know that I won't always get the things that I feel I deserve but having them over when they do at times fight a lot especially when they are on the couch and they sometimes unintentionally hurt themselves and make noise.Don't get me wrong,I know that kids are going to be noisy and that they can be unpredictable in their actions but it is really not a good thing to hear kids scream and holler quite a bit.They were here for a few hours and their mother,my niece,picked them up.
While they were over here,I went out for a while.I stopped over a guy's house who was hanging on to some records for me.When I got there,I checked them out and bought them all.They were mostly old fashioned 78's,where some of them still looked like new and unplayed.It is hard to believe that quite a bit of them looked like brand new and that they were also now being cared for in a good caring home.I also had a couple of record albums added to the set.I also went and had a light but late lunch to tie me over until dinner.
When I did get home,I stayed in my room upstairs for the rest of the afternoon.Of course,being up there was not a very good idea though I did need some quiet time and privacy,I wound up relapsing by masturbating again.I am hoping that this does not happen again.I did ask for forgiveness from the creator and he even helped me to forgive myself for that.Still,it did bring me down for a short while and it was devastating to fail.But I am slowly feeling better about this and I am hoping that tomorrow,I will feel much better.
Last night,I did go out for a quick drink.I hung out with some of the guys at the place where I sing and entertain.I did not do any singing.I just hung out for a few minutes and had a quick drink,which was a bottle of non-alcoholic beer.I do take psychiatric medication and that is why I could not have any alcohol in my system so that when I took it,I had nothing to worry about.I did another scan on my computer last night after the anti-virus software caught a virus,which was a Trojan.Dropper virus,in my system.After restarting the computer while having the system recovery turned off,I did the scan and my computer was clean.What a relief.I stopped a virus before it could do any damage to my system.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.I did have a fairly decent day today.I was hoping to get together with that friend that I was talking to on Friday but he wasn't feeling well.Apparently,he went walking for a little over 3 hours and his feet were hurting him.I was disappointed.I was hoping to get together and watch a movie with him that I had told him about.Oh well.But we are hoping that next Sunday will be a better day and that he is hoping that he is feeling better soon.I also hope so.I had high expectations of getting together with him.But I do understand when a person's health isn't teh way they feel it should be because I at times feel the same way myself because I am a human being.But again,we are both hoping that next Sunday will be a better day.For the day,I just ran an errand for my mom and that was it.
Last night,my Elvis Presley tribute was a hit.Each and every one loved my tribute to The King Of Rock & Roll.The night was a huge success and I felt good about what I had accomplished.It was wonderful and it was also fun.Next week,it will be back to normal.I will be doing the dame old type of stuff that I am used to doing.But again,the next tribute will be for George Harrison when the anniversary of his death rolls around alongside the anniversary of the death of John Lennon.That will be 3.4 months away but those will be my next ones.
For the rest of the night,I have not made any plans but Ia m thinking about going out and having a friendly drink.I have not really made up my mind but if I do,I will keep it safe and sane.
That was my day today,my night last night and my hopes for the rest of tonight and tomorrow.FJ