Tonight,I check in feeling great with a lot of optimism in me.Saturday night is here and soon I will be going to sing for my friends.I am hoping that everything goes well tonight.Even though I rarely have an off night,I still hope for the night to go well.I am still practicing real hard on the songs that I am going to do tonight and again,I hope that all goes well.I can hardly wait to get to the place and sing.I am hoping that it goes great and that I have a great night.Again,I rarely have an off night but it still does not hurt to hope for everything to go good.I am hoping for a super night and that would be totally excellent.
Tonight,the Sabres are going against the Ottawa Senators in Ottawa.At the moment,the score is 1-0 in favor of Buffalo.It is the second period as I am typing this up to you.I am hoping that the Buffalo Sabres avenge themselves for Wednesday night's loss against the Senators at home,which was very disappointing.A win tonight would be neat.I wouldlove to see the Sabres victorious again after beating the Pittsburgh Penguins last night 4-2 at home.They are currently with the best record in the league and that is truly awesome.A win tonight would be another road win for the record books.They are currently in the record books with the most road wins,so far.The more road wins,the better.It's great to finally see the team get into the record books after all these years.Each and very year,I always hope that they one day bring home the Stanley Cup.That would also be awesome.Until they do,I am just going to keep on hoping until it happens.Again,I hope that they win and I have a good night singing.
That is all for now.Thoughts are always appreciated.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling a little bit better than last night.I had some time to myself tonight while my mom was over at my niece's house celebrating her birthday with her.It was great to finally have some peace and quiet in the house for a change after the array of last week when I had to deal with a bunch of noisy kids and rotten attitudes courtesy of a few family members.It felt great to not hear kids screaming,running around and fussing and not having to deal with rude relatives.Don't get me wrong,I have nothing personal against my family members but sometimes I do need a break from them.Tonight was that break and I could finally relax and take it easy and not have to worry about noisy kids and the attitudes of relatives who crave nothing more than pushing your buttons for no particular reason.On the other hand,the work day went as well as expected.Nothing really negative to write about nor even vent about.It is great to finally not really have too much to deal with at the moment after the frustrations of the previous week where I was cleaning up after drug addicts who could actually pick up after themselves and bag everything so I would not have to worry about it.Oh well,that's life.
On a even better note,the Buffalo Sabres win again tonight at home.They defeated the Pittsburgh Penguins by a score of 4-2.It was disappointing that they lost on Wednesday night but they were victorious tonight.Tomorrow night,they're having a rematch with the Ottawa Senators in Ottawa and I am hoping for yet another win.It would be great for the Sabres to avenge themselves after Wednesday's loss.A win would be totally sweet.I will also be singing again tomorrow night for my friends and i am hoping that this goes well.
That was my day and night.Thoughts are always appreciated.FJ

Tonight,I check in with mixed emotions.I had a pretty decent work day today.I also had to pick up a few things at the supermarket for dinner because me and my mom were eating light tonight.As me and my mom were sitting down to enjoy our meal,we get a phone call from my niece saying that the sitter that was supposed to come over called in saying that she had to take one of her kids right away to the hospital because it got hurt.Truthfully,I really did not like that.I do not like being rudely interrupted when I am about to eat.I had to abruptly stop and take my mom over to my niece's house so she could babysit her great grand kids.I understand the situation surrounding her sitter but I still did not like being interrupted while I was attempting to have my evening meal.I felt that my niece could have waited until we had finished eating and then have me drop off mom at her house.When I did get home,I had my meal finally and I later did the dishes after letting them soak in water for a while.I am feeling a bit better though I still feel a little at edge after what happened.I know and understand that situations such as what happened to her sitter can not be helped and that they are unexpected.But being interrupted as we were sitting down to eat gave me an unsettling feeling.
Before the dinner fiasco,I did take a nap for over an hour to relax because I felt a little sleepy.As I was napping,I had yet another bad dream.I dreamed that I was in a room full of naked men and when they saw me,they all approached me with their genitals at full erection asking that I give them head.I even started talking to myself in my sleep and when I awoke,I had another horrendous throbbing erection myself,I said a little prayer for these images to disappear from my head and that the immoral thoughts related to them be removed.Within a few moments,they did disappear and I went back to sleep.Nothing happened after that.I had a good nap after that.
Tomorrow is yet another work day and I am hoping that it goes well.Tomorrow night,the Buffalo Sabres are taking on the Pittsburgh Penguins in Buffalo.After that disappointing loss to the Ottawa Senators on Wednesday night,I am hoping for them to bounce back.A win would be great.On Saturday night,it is a rematch with the Ottawa Senators this time in Ottawa.I am also hoping that the Sabres will avenge the Wednesday night loss.It that happens,it would be super.Yes it would.
That was my day and night.As always,comments are appreciated.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling great.It was a great night for me.I attended that support group at the church tonight and it was wonderful.The meeting was wonderful and we talked about a lot during the time.I shared my life story and why I came there and it was super.I even talked a few minutes with some of the people I met and that also was great.I actually went home feeling a little bit better about myself that I have in quite a while,which,in itself,says a lot.I will definitely be going next week and get some more rewarding information.I have a feeling that this is going to work out just fine.Again,it was a wonderful meeting and very rewarding.The people there were terrific.I can hardly wait until next week.I have a smile on my face that is not leaving.
I am right now at home and I am still feeling great.It was awesome to find out about this group and attend my first meeting.I am now looking forward to the next meeting.What a night this has been.
Of course,I have just learned that the Buffalo Sabres lost to the Ottawa Senators tonight by a score of 4-2.Though I am disappointed by this loss,I am still proud of my hockey time because they did put a great effort into the game tonight.Still,after the positive experience that I had tonight,I am still feeling good.Yes I am.Plus,I have new tires on my vehicle and that is also a great thing.I had to wait a while for it but when I got it back,it was well worth the wait.
That was my day and night.As always,thoughts are always welcomed.FJ

Tonight,I check in with mixed emotions.The work day went as well as expected with nothing negative to write in about.But at the moment,I am feeling pretty nervous.Tomorrow night,I am going to be checking out that support group at the church and I do not not know what to expect.I will be meeting some new faces and I am hoping to make some new friends to share my experiences with and to just be there and feel like a part of a group.I am hopeful about that but I am still feeling nervous about the whole thing.I guess since the sexual abuse support group has ended several months ago,I have not even attended anything since then and I am hoping that the nervousness goes away little by little.I am still hoping for a positive experience and that it will be well worth it.It will be awesome to attend the group and participate in group discussions and again,just to be a part of the group where I can be myself and just have a positive experience from it all.
Again,the work day went as expected.It went by well without anything negative happening with the exception of getting scoffed at when I cracked a wisecrack at the kitchen lady.That really was not what I was expecting.I guess that she was having a bad day.But anyway,I did my work and finished it.I also went to the post office to have a money order prepared to send out to somebody in Oregon for an Ebay purchase that I made.I even went to the supermarket to pick up a couple of things.I went home,relaxed and had a light supper.A pretty good day.But I am remaining optimistic despite my nervousness regarding the group.I am hoping for a positive experience.
That was my day.Any thoughts?FJ

Tonight,I am checking in feeling really good.It was truly a wonderful day today.I did what I had to get done and that was truly an amazing accomplishment.I feel really good about myself for all I accomplished and that gives me a wonderful feeling.
I actually received in the mail today a VHS tape of a 1980's teen flick caled Lovelines.I saw it on HBO back in 1986 and I have not seen it since then until I got it in the mail today.I also watched a little bit of it to try out the tape in my VCR/DVD combo and the tape played really good.The picture was bright and it was awesome seing that movie again after 20 years.
Today,I did everything that I set out to do.I went to the bank to withdraw some money.I also went shopping to pick up a few things for the home.It was a great day.Nothing negative happened to me and even the traffic was good.I am now at home and feeling good.
Tonight,the Buffalo Sabres win again.They have now won a record 10 straight road games.They beat the reigning Stanley Cup champions the Carolina Hurricanes by a score of 7-4.10 straight road wins is nothing to sneeze at.They are playing the Ottawa Senators in Buffalo Wednesday night.I am hoping for another win.They already have the best record in the league at the moment but I would like for it to get even better.Another win would be totally sweet.Yes it would be.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the work day goes as well as expected.I am also hoping that the week goes by great as well.I am just going to take everyday one day at the time.
That was my day.Comments are welcomed.FJ

Tonight,I am checking in with a lot of good feelings.It was a wonderful day today.I got a lot done today and I had a great day just doing them.Yes,today was my day off and I enjoyed it.Again,I got a lot done today and I had a great time doing it.Yes I have.
I received a video in the mail today of a movie that I have been looking for.The movie is called Lovelines and it was a teen movie from the 1980's that I had seen on HBO back in 1986.It was great to see that movie again after 20 years.It was a treat.Tomorrow is a work day and I am hoping that this goes well all the same.I will be working a full day and again,I hope that it goes well.
Tonight,the Buffalo Sabres won yet another game.They now have 10 road wins on record and that is sure terrific.They actually beat the reigning Stanley Cup champions the Carolina Hurricanes by a score of 7-4.This is the second time that they beat the reigning NHL champs.Again,they now have a record 10 straight road wins,which is impressive.They are playing the Ottawa Senators on Wednesday night at home.I am hoping for yet another win.That would be something.The Buffalo Sabres already have the best record in the league at the moment but I am hoping that it will be better with another win against another tough team.A win would be totally sweet.Yes it would.
Once again,I accomplished a lot.I went to the bank to withdraw some money.I had to do a little shopping for the home.Nothing negative happened and that is good.I am hoping for yet another good day at work tomorrow.I also hope for a good week.
Well,that was my day.It was a great day.As always,comments are welcomed.FJ

Tonight,I am checking in feeling good.It was a pretty good day.I got a lot done.I checked up on my friend and his live in girlfriend and they are doing good.I had to go to a card store to get some birthday cards for a few members of my family because there are more birthdays coming up but they are going to be celebrated on Friday all at once.I told my mother that I am planning on staying home on Friday because I feel that I need some time to myself to relax,meditate and just clear my mind.I will be glad for that time.I am thinking of just sitting at home and watching a movie or simply whatever else I like to do.I am also hoping that this week goes by better than last week.I hope that there are no messes to clean when I pick up laundry on the days I have to pick,which is four days a week.Monday is my day off.I pick it up the rest of the work week.I had a wonderful dinner of pork chops and vegetables and I also had a talk with a friend of mine from New Jersey and it was a great talk.I am feeling good.I am hoping for a good work week.
Last night,I went out to sing for my friends and that was terific.I got to do three new songs and it was awesome.Plus,the Buffalo Sabres defeated the Philadelphia Flyers last night in overtime by a score of 5-4.Daniel Brieire once again scored yet another overtime winning goal. The Sabres have now set a new record in road wins this season so far with 9 consecutive road wins at the start of the season.That is totally awesome.They are playing the Carolina Hurricanes next and I am hoping that they make it 10.LET'S GO SABRES!LET'S GO!
I also managed to watch an episode of an old PBS show online that I used to watch when I was younger called All About You,which was hosted by Louise MacNamara and that was a treat.I have not seen this show in years and it was terrific to see that show after all these years.It was like taking me back to those pleasant childhood memories before enduring some of the tribulation that lead me to having SSA.But again,I am remaining hopeful that I will overcome it one of these days.
That was my day.Comments are always welcomed.FJ

Tonight,I check in with a lot to talk about.I had a very hectic day and getting home after that was an accomplishment.Today,there was a lot of traffic out on the road and it was really stressful and hectic.It was like rush hour.There was also a lot going on due to the fact that it was Veteran's Day.The county was having a Veteran's Day parade and that is why traffic was a bit tied up in my area.Not only that,I also had to contend with inconsiderate drivers who not move when the light turned green even after I beeped my horn three times.Not only that,I learned that a friend of mine did not get his DVD player back because his regular repairman could not fix it and had to take it to an electronics repair shop within the city.Yes,getting home today with all the hazyness around was an accomplishment.I was happy to finally be home to get cleaned up and take my bath before having a good dinner.I have eaten and I am now satisfied.It is now peaceful and I am hoping for a good night.
I am going to entertain my friends tonight and I am hoping that goes well enough.It always does but I still hope that it goes over with a positive response.But I have been practicing hard and it always goes good.
That was my hectic day.Comments are always welcomed.FJ

Tonight,I check in with mixed emotions once again.I had yet another frustrating day on the job and it was not pretty.I once again had to pick up laundry todaya nd the place where I had to pick it up was another unholy mess.Dirty laundry was everywhere on the floor and in bunches and it took me nearly half an hour to pick it up.I was hoping to be on time but wound up being a few minutes late.On top of that,I had to put up with hypocrasy in the form of a colleague when I asked her to sign me up for a lunch but she told me it was too late but the rules of my workplace say that 10:30 am is the cutoff time and it was only 3 minutes left.But I could not get anywhere with her.She kept saying that it was "too late" but there was still only 3 minutes left.I pleaded my case and fortunately,we reached an agreement.She said that if any food was left,she will make sure I got something to eat.I did and I felt better.But the way that the day started out and this needless frustrtaing confrontation alongside the frustration of cleaning up after lazy drug and alcohol problematic people in a rehab center was really too much.If that was not bad enough,I also had to put up with other ignorant people and their baloney.All of these emotional conflicts led me to masturbate.It was just too much.But it was not over yet,I also had to endure yet another spur of the moment invitation from my niece to celebrate my mother's birthday today and I really was not in the mood for that.I was hoping to spend a nice quiet evening at home relaxing and taking it easy but I wound up cutting short such plans to go to a party that I was not even in the mood for and I had to put up with the loudness of my niece's screaming kids,which led me to have a really bad headache.I do not mind going to socail gathering.I have nothing personal against them nor am I anti-social.But I was definitely not in the mood for all of that after what happened to me today at work nor was I looking forward to being around a bunch of noisy kids.I know that they are my grand nieces and my grand nephew(middle child)and I have nothing personal against them.But I was looking forward to having time to myself to forget about all the negativisms that had happened.I did not get it.I am feeling a little at edge tonight and I am hoping for a good night's sleep and a great weekend.That way,I can put all of this behind me and forget it.A good night's sleep and a great weekend will hopefully make me forget about all the negativisms and just toss them to the wind.
I will be entertaining my friends tomorrow night and I am hoping to try out a few new songs that I have been wanting to try out.I hope that it goes well.
That was my day an dnight.Comments are always welcomed.FJ

Tonight,I check in with a little bit more upbeatness that I have had in recent days.It was a work day and that went by as expected.Nothing negative to write about but it went by pretty good.I did my job,did a bit more shopping,went home and napped before dinner.No bad dreams related to my SSA issues happened and it was a great quiet nap.I had dinner and I typed a long e-mail to an online Beatles group that I am a member of,which was a review of the George Harrison album All Things Must Pass.It took me two hours to complete and my mind is now looking forward to a good night's rest.It was a typical day and again,nothing negative happened.
Next Wednesday,I will be taking my 4X4 in for new tire replacements for the winter.It will cost some money but that is okay,it's well worth it.I need to make my 4X4 winter ready and without those tires,it will not be.I am still looking forward to attending that support group at the church next Wednesday the minute that those tires are on the vehicle.I am hoping that it works out for the better and that I can get a lot out of it.I am still feeling optimistic about the whole thing and I am hoping that it goes good.I did not blow up at anybody today or tonight even though I got a little peeved at a couple of inconsiderate drivers as I was driving home from work.But tomorrow is another day and I am hoping that it will be a better drive to work and home.The weekend is fast approaching and I am looking forward to that.I can not wait to entertain my friends again.
That was my day.Thanks for any comments.FJ

Tonight,I check in with mixed emotions again.Today was an emotional roller coaster of giant proportions.After I dropped off some laundry at work,I printed some Sinatra song lyrics that I would like to sing on Saturday night.I left,went home and did my computer work.The roller coaster occured when I was on my way to see my sexual abuse support counselor today.The traffic was immense.I had to contend with inconsiderate drivers who practically have no respect for the law.I drove behind a person who could not obey the speed limits.They were simply driving way too slow.I could not get around because of all the cars that were parked on the street.I had finally made it to the office but I was a few minutes late.I always try to remain punctual with my appointments and I hate it when situations like the one I described above hinders my efforts.I was just a little too angry and I almost really blew up at my counselor,which is something that I had never done before.I know that I need to work on my anger problem and I would like to improve.But situations like that one hinder my efforts.I do want to feel and be happier and I do want to live life to it's fullest alongside moving ahead when it comes to my job.But I am having a difficult time trying to control this problem and it's preventing me from doing what I want to accomplish this.
Regarding that other support group,I have chosen to go next Wednesday because my mechanic said that it would be better for me to go long distances when I have new tires on my vehicle.I am still feeling optimistic about that and I feel that it will be great.I will go next week if I can make it and hope for the best.
On a lighter note,I went to see a movie tonight,which was Texas Chainsaw Masscare:The Beginning and I thought that it was pretty good.It was the first movie that I had seen in a little over a year and that was great.I am hopingthat tomorrow will be better.Not only that,I am also relieved that another Election Day has come and gone.No more negative TV ads from candidates and no more of those totally rude calls from them either.For a year,I have nothing to worry about regarding that.I am also hoping for a Sabres win on Friday night.That would be totally excellent.
Thanks for reading.Comments are welcomed.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling a bit better but I did have a rather frustrating day.After I voted,I went right to work and when I got to the place where I had to pick up the laundry,the place was an unholy mess and it took me 20 minutes to pick up the dirty laundry off the floor and sort it out and bag it.When I arrived at my work site,I simply popped in a load in each of the washers and started them.The work day,after a frustrating start,went as well as expected.It was a pretty quiet day with nothing negative to talk about nor eartshaking but my biggest test was yet to come before the day was over.I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things for the evening supper after filling my gas tank and went home.
When I got home,my mother told me that the bank called reminding me of the amount of money due.I had already known that and was going to pay it tomorrow but I decided to go today and pay it and get it out of the way so I can take it easy the rest of the month.I also got a rude phone call,which was a recorded message by a politician asking me to vote but I had already voted.It really got to me because I tried to get rid of it by hanging up but when I picked up the phone again,it was still there.After a few repeated hang ups,I finally got rid of it and it was peaceful.The only thing that I am awaiting at this moment is the final results of the Election Day votes.Thanks goodness Election Day only comes once a year.After that,I took a nap on the sofa and that was great.No bad dreams or flashbacks happened and it was nice to finally get a few winks and not have any terrible dreams as I have been having lately.After dinner,I relaxed a bit and watched the news.A really tiresome day but it's almost over and I hope that a good nights sleep will make me feel better.
That was my day.Comments are welcomed.FJ

Tonight,I am really feeling at edge.Apparently,yet another spur of the moment thing happened today.My niece invited me and my mother over for dinner and I was not really in the mood.But I went anyway even though I did not want to because I did not want to arouse the ire of the women in this family.It happens to be a tradition in this family.If I do not accept an invitation for something such as that,I'll never hear the end of it.It will always be the same old loud bickering word exchange whenever a refusal happens.Plus,it was not too appealing or even great.My niece's children were all over the place.My brother in law wanted to have debates about religion and my nephew kept telling me to "Shut Up!I'm Trying To Watch A Movie."even though his father started the debate over this.My family does not believe in having a nice family conversation when we're having dinner together.All they want to do is watch movies and it's usually the same old type of movie over and over.It gets boring after a while and it's not very thrilling hearing negativisms all the while being there.I often wonder what has happened to warm,friendly family conversations whenever a family is having dinner together because sometimes that is what brings a family a little closer and fostering a feeling of warmth.But in my family,all they want to do is watch the same old boring types of movies over and over again and it does get tiresome after a while.I wish that I really did not have to do all of that.I was actually hoping for a nice little quiet dinner at home tonight but this spur of the moment invite was not what I really anticipated.The dinner was okay but the atmosphere was not very positive at all.I am now home and it is pretty peaceful at the moment.I can now think better.
Today,I went to my appointment to see my anger management counselor and that went good.We had a nice talk and now,he'll be handling everything pertaining to me.That is great.No more having counseling sessions with a seperate person regarding my medication management and behavioral therapy.He'll now handle everything.Again,that went good and I am glad that at least one thing worked out the way I had hoped it wouldThe day was not a total loss.One thing worked out and that was good.
I am hoping that tomorrow will be better.It is a work day and I am hoping for a good work day.I hope that nothing negative happens.
Well,that was my day.I am hopingthat the rest of the week works out.As always,comments and upbuilding advice are always welcomed.FJ

Tonight,I check in with mixed emotions.But I am feeling a tad upbeat.I had a really busy day of errand running and checking up on a friend.So,it was a very good day and I managed to get what I had to do done.
My mixed emotions are the result of last night's hockey game.The Buffalo Sabres lost to the Toronto Maple Leafs by a score of 4-1.It was their first loss in regulation this season.Yes,it was disappointing and a heartbreaker but tonight,they redeemed themselves.They beat the New York Rangers in overtime by a score of 4-3.But again,as with the Boston Bruins game a few nights ago,I was a little worried when the Rangers dominated most of the game.Buffalo did score first but the Rangers scored three goals when the Sabres made too many costly mistakes in the form of costly penalties and had the lead of 3-1 for most of the game until Daniel Briere scored to make it 3-2.Jason Pominville would tie the game in the third period to force an overtime.Daniel Breire would score the winner in overtime.Again,this game was another nail biter to say the least.But I am hoping that the Sabres will work on not making too many costly mistakes in a game,which can motivate the opponent to dominate and score goals on you.This is also one for the record books.They now have 8 consecutive road wins at the start of a season,breaking records held and shared by Detroit(2005)Philadelphia(1985) and Toronto(1940) for that category.But still,despite Saturday night's loss,they have the best record in the league at the moment.Their next game is Friday the 10th at home against the Florida Panthers.They're going to need the rest after that topsy-turvy playing schedule.
Last night,I sang for my friends and that went great.I actually tried three new songs.One by Kenny Chesney and two by Frank Sinatra.They all loved it.It was a great night and I had a great time.I left the place last night with a smile on my face.
Today,I managed to check up on a friend of mine and his live in girlfriend and they are doing good.They informed me that they were going to spend a week at her parents house and I asked them if they would keep me informed.They said they will.I also manged to do some shopping for my mom and I also got some shopping done myself for personal reasons.The day went by good.I managed to get a lot done and everything worked out for the better.I am now at home relaxing and I am glad.
Tomorrow is my appointment with my anger management counselor and I am hoping that goes well.Wednesday is my appointment with my counselor over at a Sexual Abuse Support Center here in my hometown and I am also hoping that goes well.I am also eventually hoping to attend that support group at the church.I again hope that this also works out.
I also managed to listen to the rest of that Big Blue Marble album last night and it was great.The music brought me back to my childhood when I used to watch the show every Saturday morning on an independant syndicated TV channel in my area.Again,the day went well and nothing negative to write home about(so to speak)and though I am feeling mixed emotions,I am still feeling a tad upbeat after posting all of this.
Thanks for reading and posting comments.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling much better and optimistic.Tonight,I am going to be singing for my friends and I am also hoping for yet another Buffalo Sabres victory tonight.I am going to be trying out a few new songs tonight and I am hoping that it will all work out.I always get a positive response no matter what I do but I always hope that it works out good.I also still have to practice for my nights because it's what I truly feel that I need to do to get things right.Again,I am still hoping for everything to work out and again,I am hoping for Buffalo Sabres victory tonight.Another win would be truly fantastic.
Today,I checked up on a friend and his live in girlfriend and they are doing good.I couldn't stay long because they had company over and personal stuff was being discussed.I did manage to get a few errands done and that made me feel good.I also received yet another new record album for my ever growing vinyl album collection.It is the hard to find soundtrack album for the TV series Big Blue Marble,which I used to watch when I was younger.That was a real treat.I even listened to the first side and so far,so good.It really brought me back.Today was good and nothing negative to report.I will be going to see one of my counselors on Monday and I am hoping that goes good.I also have a meeting with another counselor on Wednesday and I am hoping to attend that evening support group at the church.I am hoping that all of that goes well.
Comments are always welcomed.Thanks.FJ

Today was yet another work day and it went as usual.Nothing to write home about.But I have a three day weekend coming to me as always.I am glad for the much needed break from a lot of the people that I have to be around three days a week.Tomorrow night,I wil be entertaining my friends where I sing and that will be fun.
Today,I am checking in with mixed emotions.The main reason for my happiness regarding my three day weekend away from the people I am around three days a week is because I do have to put up with a lot of ignorance from people.One of them in particular is a lady who never has a clue as to what you are talking about nor what you like.This person has said that she never heard of Lynyrd Skynyrd nor does she know who they are.She always says "That's way before my time."and she does not know any other music other than country western music.Don't get me wrong,I like that type of music myself because I sing it as part of my act and I also sing Sinatra,Bennett,Manilow and other sorts of Vegas style songs.Peopel have told me that I am a combination of Vegas and Nashville rolled into one.Though I have never let that go to my head,it still makes me feel good to receive such a comment.But I just can't listen to only one type of music.I have to have a variety.What gets me is this:She happens to be at the age to know what I know but she always claims to not know it.When I mentioned almost a month ago that Mark David Chapman was denied parole,she asked "Who's He?"Some of the people I know at work have simply advised me not to get too upset about it and that she is in her own little world and she refuses to venture out of it.That lady is totally the opposite of me.I am trying to get out of my comfort zone(i.e.my own little world)and trying to live life the best way that I know how by sharing my singing talent and trying to be around people as much as possible.I will also be trying a new support group that is held on Wednesday night.It is based at a church within the county that I live.I will also keep you all posted on how that goes.Plus,the only movies she watches are horror movies.Again,don't get me wrong,I also love horror movies but not all of the time.Likewise with music,I got to have variety when it also comes to movies.I like comedies,dramas and movies based on true stories and inspired by actual events alongside animated,including Disney,and family films.But again,ignorance is everywhere and I do accept that.But how much is too much?I also wonder if there are limits to ignorance.
On a lighter note,I am also happy that the Sabres won last night.I was worried for a while when the Bruins dominated most of the game.But the Sabres came back to tie the score,force an overtime and have a shootout to win the game 5-4.It was surprising as well as a nail biter.They also made too many mistakes in the forms of turnovers and costly penalties,which they need to work on if they are to continue to do great.But again,I am happy that they won.Saturday night,they will host the Toronto Maple Leafs in Buffalo.I am hoping for another win.But this time,I hope that the Sabres can dominate this time and win big.Again,another win would be great.
Regarding SSA,nothing happened today and no impure thoughts came in nor any flashbacks.But they can happen when least expected.I have to be on guard.
Well,that was my day.It was not very eventful but at least I worked and that went as well as it could.Again,I am happy for the weekend.
Comments are welcomed.Thanks in advance.FJ

Tonight,I am checking in with mixed emotions.I once again had a rude awakening during the day today as I was taking a nap on the sofa at home after I had gotten home from work.I once again had a dream that I was in the middle of a room full of naked men.All of them surrounding me asking for sexual favors and I actually felt powerless within the dream as they were approaching me demanding that I at least gave them blowjobs.I woke up with a horrendous erection that was also throbbing.I am fortunate that I was on the sofa with a family member in another room.I guess that gave me a little strength because I never masturbate or even play with myself with another family member present in front of me.The erection died down within a few minutes.It was still a rude awakening but after it was all over,I felt good because I did not give in to the desire to fantasize by acting out on a fantasy.
On the other hand,I also feel good because my work day went well and that was great.I also mailed out a couple of important letters and that was an accomplishment.Plus,the Buffalo Sabres are playing in Boston tonight.I hope that they can win tonight.A win tonight would be neat.After that shocking shootout loss on Saturday night,a win would be truly sweet.I also had a talk with a good friend tonight over the phone and he's doing good.I always like it when a friend that I can confide in regarding these matters calls to check up on me.That was the only really good thing tonight.A Buffalo Sabres win would make the night even better.
As always,comments are appreciated.Thanks in advance.FJ

Today,I am feeling good but a little depressed at the same time.
Today,this afternoon,I gave into temptation by masturbating.I did feel miserable afterwards because,as I have typed up yesterday,I feel that masturbation poses a negative effect on my healing from unwanted SSA.I did not want to masturbate but I did and I felt lousy afterwards.I did ask my creator to forgive me and I felt better after doing so.But I still feel guilty about this and I feel that all I need is a good nights sleep to get over it.I wil feel better by tomorrow and I can just forget about it.I know that God wipes the slate clean after you ask to be forgiven for your sins and he forgets about it.
Why I feel good is that I had a very exciting day aside from that setback.I managed to find and add to my vinyl record collection,a rare UK pressing of an album by Genesis on Decca Records called Rock Roots.I also found a couple of albums by former member Steve Hackett called Spectral Mornings and Defector.I also managed to find a John Gary album called That Warm And Tender Glow and a couple of Tchaikovsky albums alongside the very first Average White Band album.A very eventfuul day despite the negative setback that happened.Again,after agood night sleep,I will feel better.
I am also in the middle of an emotional roller-coaster.My niece and her husband are seperated at this moment and it is putting the whole family on edge.We are all upset with her about to be ex-husband because he just simply left without saying goodbye nor giving any real reason as to why except that he does not love her anymore because she is "too controling".He is not doing much to help her or his family out.They have three children.Two daughters and one son.The son is the middle child.Again,it is a very hectic emotional roller coaster for me and my family and I never know what to expect anymore all because of this.
Any advice would be truly appreciated,including how I can fight the urge to masturbate.Thanks in advance.FJ

Happy Halloween Everybody.This is the night of thrills,chills and scares.It is also the night of watching horror movies non-stop.Speaking of which,I bought a new 75th Anniversary of Dracula on DVD today at Wal-Mart.It is a 2 DVD set of a the movie.The first DVD is the original Universal Picture Studios classic w/Bela Lugosi in the title role.It has commentaries by film historian David J.Skal and Dracula:Dead And Loving It's screenwriter Steve Haberman.It also has a Philip Glass composed film score performed by The Kronos Quartet(the movie originally did not have a film score due to the fact that it was made during the depression of the early 1930's and Universal had no money to pay a composer to write a score)but you have to select it from the Features menu before you hit Play to watch the film.Plus,it has two great documentaries.The first being a tribute to the great actor Bela Lugosi hosted by director Tod Browning and the next one is called The Road To Dracula,which is a behibd the scenes look at the making of this great film.The second DVD is a Spanish language version that was filmed at Ubiversal Studios at the same time as the American version.The differences is the cast,the director,and there was also a score.It is also in the Spanish w/optional subtitles in English,French and Spanish and an optional Englash dubbed audio.The American version was filmed during the day and the Spanish version was filmed at night.This also has an introduction by Lupita Tovar Kohner,who was in the Spanish version and there is also a Kenneth Branagh hosted documentary on Universal Horror Movie Classics.Plus,the Spanish version is 29 minutes longer than the American version.The American version is 75 minutes long.The Spanish version is 104 minutes long.
Today,worked went well.We had a little party where we watched Young Frankenstein and had pizza and chicken wings.We also had doughnuts,cupcakes and cider for dessert.It was a good day.I was in a great mood and it was also fun.Who says Halloween is just for kids only?
I was tired when I got home today.I laid down on my bed and I took a nap.As I had slept,visions of men with erections danced in my head and I kept hearing things like "I Need A Blowjob" and "I Want You To Suck My Dick!"I woke up with a horrendous erection in my own right and I had a craving to actually masturbate.I do not know what kept me from doing it but the craving was strong.My erect penis was also throbbing like crazy like it was waiting for me to masturbate it away.But again,I resisted and it fell limp in a few minutes.Again,I do not know what strengthened me at that point but it worked.Usually,I am not very good at resistance.I usually give in and ask for forgiveness later in prayer when I do.I think that masturbation has a negative effect on my healing process because it is acting out in a psychological sense(fantasy purposes)and I feel that it will only make my struggles with SSA worse.I always feel guilty when i masturbate because I do not feel that it is right to do nor is it a healthy way of relieving myself of sexual tensions.
I would like to know what a lot of you people think.What can I do to improve my strengths in resisting this temptation when it comes around.Any advice would be helpful.Thanks.FJ