Tonight,I check in feeling really good.It is Saturday night and I am looking forward to singing up a storm tonight.I hope that the night goes by well.Again,though I rarely have an off night,I still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.Still,I look forward to singing tonight and I am hoping that the night goes good.
Today,I got a lot done.I managed to get to the drug store to pick up my medication and I even took a friend to work today.It was a pretty good day.The weather was bitterly cold and it was a little bit icy and freezing.Despite this,I managed to get a lot accomplished.Again,I look forward to entertaining the crowd tonight and I hope that everything goes well tonight.I enjoy entertaining the crowds every Saturday night and it always makes me feel good when they feel good.Yes it does.
Right now,the Buffalo Sabres are playing.I am hoping that they can win tonight.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling pretty good.It was a wonderful day.I worked a full day today and it worked out pretty good.The day did start out frustrating as I had to pick up an unholy mess in the laundry room over at the drug/alcohol rehab center that I had to pick up the laundry from.Fortunately for me,I had a couple of helpers helping me to pick it up.After that,I simply put the laundry in my vehicle and went to my work place to start my job.The day went by well.I did my work and the day went by pretty fast.I had a good day.It all worked out and everything turned out for the better.
Tonight,the Buffalo Sabres were victorious again.They beat the Vancouver Canucks tonight in a shootout by a score of 4-3.The Sabres travel to Montreal to play the Canadians.This will be the Sabres last game until the All-Star break is over with.I hope that they can win another one again.
I will also be singing tomorrow night.I am hoping that the night goes by well.Though I rarely have an off night,I still hope for everything to go well.You never know what might happen.Again,I also hope for another win by the Buffalo Sabres.
That was my day and night.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling pretty good.It was a very good day today.Though I had a disappointing work day where I only had half a day,I managed to keep myself busy with some stuff.My mother and I got some much needed grocery shopping done.I figured that since I had the afternoon of,why not use it to my advantage.I got a lot done today and that is wonderful.Yes it is.I had a great group night last night and today,I made a new friend who I met in an online Yahoo forum.It is a young lady who's from Hawaii and lives in California.I am communicating with her via e-mail and through other means.She is such a sweetie.I love her as a person.She is truly nice.I like her.We have a lot in common.She likes the same type of movies that I do.Yes she does.It is great to meet new people and make new friends.I am feeling good about that.Yes I am.
Tomorrow is another work day.It will be a full day this time.I will be glad about that.Yes I will.Next week,it will be back to normal as I will now be working full weeks,except when there is a holiday during the week.
Overall,a pretty good day.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling better.I had a wonderful group meeting tonight.It was awesome to let out some more steam.It was a great meeting.The weather might have been cold tonight but it did not dull the mood of teh men who were meeting.It was yet another wonderful meeting.I am looking forward to the next meeting.Yes I am.I always look forward to all the weekly meetings.I am hoping that the next meeting is just as great as the last.Yes I do.
Today,I got a rude awakening.I learned that I will only be working half a day tomorrow.I was a little peeved at this because I was planning to work a full week.I am going to lose a little bit of money and that is disappointing.But I am going to fill it up with something.My mom and I are going to do some grocery shopping.It's going to be cold over the next few days and we feel that it's necessary to do that.At least,I will have something to do.I will be keeping my nimble self busy.It will not be on the job.But it's better than nothing.I was angry that this is happening.But I was surprised that I did not lose my temper.I am normally not very good at keeping my cool.But I have been doing good in that area as of late.WOW!
Tonight,the Buffalo Sabres defeated the Boston Bruins by a score of 6-3.The Sabres three game losing streak is over.It is totally sweet hearing that my #1 team is a winner.It is also sweeter that they are doing great.Their next game is a home game when the Vancouver Canucks come to town.I am hoping that the Buffalo Sabres can win another one.Two consecutive wins at home would be totally sweet.
That was my day and night.FJ

Tonight,I check in with mixed emotions.I am very disappointed with myself tonight.I am really feeling torn apart at the seems and I feel like I am unworthy of a lot of things.Earlier today,I wound up masturbating again.I felt bad about this.It is the same old pattern again.I was once again having those same old dreams about being surrounded by naked men and feeling powerless.I was trying to take a nap today after I had a hard day at work and I weakened.I feel so dirty right now.I want to overcome this terrible SSA that I am going through and it is really bringing me down when I failed today.I did ask God to forgive me for giving in but I still feel guilty.I know that I need to learn to forgive myself after asking from forgiveness from up above and even though I said to myself,albiet mentally,that I forgive you FJ as well,but I still feel miserable.I need all the help that I can get.I want to stop this stuff and I want to overcome SSA but I am having a hard time.I am going to have anothet talk with the Lord in Heaven again before I turn in for the night.I hope that I feel better afterwards.I am feeling depressed as well as angry with myself for falling short.I know that God does not expect me to be a "Superhero". He knows that I am imperfect and will fall short.Plus,I know that he is merciful and forgiving.I am still trusting in him to accomplish my goals but I am still feeling guilty.Again,I will have another talk with him tonight before I turn in for the night and I hope that I feel better after doing so.I still feel miserable.But again,after another talk with the Lord,I hope that I feel better.
Those are my thoughts and ramblings.I would appreciate a few prayers.Thanks.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling disappointed.Why?Because due to the weather we had today,which was a lot of freezing rain,I could not go to my appointment because I had a difficult time trying to get ice off of the driver and passenger side windows of my vehicle.I had no problem getting the ice off of my windshield but those windows were a pain.I tried everything but everything failed.So,I poured Prestone windshield de-icer fluid all over my windows to loosen the ice.It worked but not in time for my appointment.I had to cancel it today and I had it rescheduled for next month.I was hoping to terminate the counseling but I now have to wait another month.Oh well!Mother Nature really let ys have it today,didn't she?The only thing that I get accomplished today was that I had to go to the store to get a couple of things for the home.That is the only thing I did.
I actually fell back into the old thought patterns.I gave into temptation when I kept playing with my genitals.I was also having verbal daydreamed styled fantasies of my past sexual relations with other men.I was also talking to myself on top of it all.I had to say,in my brain,"STOP!THIS IS NOT YOU,BOY!YOU ARE NOT HOMOSEXUAL!YOU JUST HAVE THOSE DESIRES BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE!YOU'RE A HETEROSEXUAL/STRAIGHT GUY WITH A HOMOSEXUAL PROBLEM!"I had to say a little prayer for the lord to forgive me in this because it was wrong.After I done that,I felt better and I listened to some spiritual music to clear my head.I will be listening to it again before I go to sleep.I hope that I can sleep well.I did weaken last night a few hours after posting and I masturbated.I also asked the lord to forgive me for falling short.Plus,the Buffalo Sabres lost to the Boston Bruins in a shootout tonight by a score of 3-2.
We have a winter weather advisory in effect tonight until midnight.I hope that we do not get any more for tonight and a while.We escaped the full brunt of the storm system,but still,anything can happen.
That was my day and night.FJ

Tonight,I am checking feeling a little bit better than yesterday.I had a ball last night entertaining the crowds doing my tribute to Elvis Presley.They all enjoyed it very much and even got some Thumbs Up from several young ladies who were Elvis Presley fans,which was wonderful.I also had a nice conversation with a friend of mine in New Jersey and that also was wonderful.It has been a very nice night.I am feeling better tonight and I am hoping that the week goes by good.I did receive some news from the National Weather Service that there is a Winter storm WARNING in effect from 1:00am Monday morning to 7:00pm Monday evening.I am hoping that we can escape the full brunt of the storm and only get a little bit.We are supposed to get FREEZING rain and that will cause roads to ice up and make travel difficult.But I am hoping that it will not be that bad.If it happens,It happens.If it don't,It don't.But again,there is nothing wrong with hoping.
The only problem that I am going to have is with my appointment tomorrow.It is downtown in the city that I am living in and if we get the worst of it,I am going to have a hard time getting to that appointment.But maybe,we might escape the worst.
Regarding my appointment tomorrow,it will be my last meeting with my anger management counselor and after tomorrow,I can terminate it.I will then go back to regular medication management.I am feling pretty good at the moment and that is a wonderful feeling.
That was my day and night last night.FJ

Tonight,I check in with mixed emotions.Today was a day for me to get some errands done.I had to go pick up a couple of things at the store for the home.I also picked up a few things for myself and even had a light,but late,lunch.I even managed to check up on a couple of friends and see how they were doing.They were doing okay and that gave me a litle bit of happiness.It is reassuring to find that certain people are okay.I actually missed them last week when I went out to entertain hoping to see them but they never showed up.I learned why.It is because one of their relatives was sick.I was disappointed but felt relieved that they wre doing good and their relative was doing good as well.
I managed to get that one thing accomplished today.I did pick up a couple of get well cards for the people I was supposed to get together with yesterday and that made me feel good.I hope that they appreciate the cards.
The only disappointing thing is that the Buffalo Sabres lost to the Tampa Bay Lightning tonight by a score of 3-2.
Tonight,I am going to do my usual entertaining the crowds tonight.I will be doing an Elvis Presley tribute because this is the week of Elvis' birthday.I hope that everything goes well.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I am checking in with mixed emotions.I had a pretty decent day on the job.Nothing really negative happened at work today.I simply did my job and I went home.Nothing to really write home about.
The disappointing thing to happen today was that I was supposed to go over somebody's house for a get together but he and his wife were sick.They were both battling the common cold and were taking medication.They called while I was on a long distance call with a guy who I do business with.It was disappointing.But I am going to buy them a couple of get well cards tomorrow and I hope that they both are feeling better soon.It is a shame but they did not want me to catch what they had.Apparently,his wife got it first and he caught it from her.Again,I will be buying them each a get well card and hope that they are feeling better soon.
A DVD that I have been waiting on had finally arrived.I was on my way out to the bank to cash my paycheck and the UPS delivery guy handed it to me.I opened it and it was the DVD.It was an episode of the classic educational show Big Blue Marble.I watched it after I arrived home from the bank and it was wonderful.I will be ordering another one real soon.I am looking forward to getting a few more in the near future.
The weekend is finally here.I will be going out tomorrow night to entertain the crowd and I will be taking it easy on Sunday.Monday is a holiday.I have an appointment with my anger management counselor.It will also be my last meeting with him.After this,I can terminate it.I will go back to regular medication management after this.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling okay.It was a pretty good day today.It was a typical work day and that went fair.There was no laundry for me to pick up this morning,but I still had some laundry to do in the basement at work.I did it and I went home.On the way home,I picked up a little something and I dropped off a prescription.I went home and relaxed a bit.Tonight is pretty cold out tonight and I am hoping to sleep well tonight.
The only disappointing thing to happen tonight is that the Buffalo Sabres lost to the Toronto Maple Leafs by a score of 4-2.They will be playing again on Saturday night against the Tampa Bay Lightning,which will also be in Buffalo.I am hoping for a win.It will be great after that embarrassing loss to the Leafs.I know that the Sabres can not win every game but it is still disappointing when they lose.
Tomorrow is another work day and I am hoping that the day goes better than today.The weekend will be here and then I can take it easy for a couple of days.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I am checking feeling really good.Yes I am.I had my group tonight and it was totally awesome.We had yet another nice discussion within the group and that was neat.I am already starting to fit in with these guys.It's great to finally have some men finally listening to me rather than ignoring me.WOW!I am glad to have found out about this group.I am now looking forward to every meeting with them every week.Yes I am.
Tonight,the Buffalo Sabres won tonight.They defeated the Chicago Blackhawks by a score of 2-1.It's wonderful that my hockey team is finally doing great.Yes it is.They will be playing the Toronto Maple Leafs in Buffalo tomorrow night.I am hoping for another win.That would be totally sweet.Yes it would.
The first two days of the week went by pretty well.I had the day off on Monday.I just took it easy and ran a couple of errands.Yesterday,I went to work and even that went well.Nothing really negative to write about.It worked out pretty good.Today,the only thing I had to do was a laundry pick-up and that went by pretty easily.Nothing to pick up off the floor.It was all bagged for me,which was super.
That is my report of the past few days.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling okay.I had a wonderful time entertaining the crowd last night.It was totally awesome.I had a ball entertaining the people and I had some talks with a guy who I have been trying to make amends with.Our time together was great.I loved it.I had a wonderful time hanging out with him and his wife.We were laughing,smiling and joking.I think that our reconciliation is going to work out fine.At least,that's how I am feeling at the moment.I am going to take this one day at a time and hope for the best.It actually took my mind off the tragedy that happened on Friday.I still feel sadness that it did happen and I hope that the poor guy's spirit find peace and contentment.It is a shame that it happened.I wish that he were still here right now.I have accepted the fact that he is gone.I will always miss him.Yes I will. The only really great thing to happen last night was that the Buffalo Sabres defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs by a score of 4-3.
Tomorrow is a day off for me as it always is on Monday's.I go back to work Tuesday and I hope that it works out okay.Things have been so-so at work but I hope for better days.I managed to get a little bit of shopping for the home done today and I even managed to see if a friend of mine is okay,which he is.He and his girlfriend were supposed to come and habg out with me last night but somebody in his family got really badly sick last night and he chose to help them rather than go out.There's always next Saturday night.
That was my night last night and my day today.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling a little bit better.I am not on edge as much as I was last night.But I am still being careful.I do not want to do anything that might ruin the evening for me.Though I am a bit calmer and not feeling as angry as yesterday,I still have to be careful.I do not want to do or even say anything that I might regret later.I am going to be careful on what I say and do.
Tonight,the Buffalo Sabres were victorious.They defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs by a score of 4-3.Their next game will be against the Chicago Blackhawks on Wednesday night.I hope that they can make it two in a row.That would be sweet.Yes it would.
I am still feeling a little sadness over the tragedy that happened yesterday.It was truly a shocking thing to happen.I am always going to miss him.It's sad.Even though death is a part of life,it should not happen too soon.The person I knew that died was 33.
I hope that tonight goes well.I am going to meeting a couple of friends tonight where I am goingto be singing.Again,I hope that the night goes well.
I did get a lot done today.I had to do some laundry and a little bit of personal shopping.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I check in once again with mixed emotions.I am feeling a little at edge at the moment and I am also feeling sadness and depression.Today,I received some distressing news over the television.A person that I have known for 10 years died early this morning in a house fire.Apparently,he fell asleep with a lit cigarette in his hand and he did not know what hit him.The first tragedy of the year for me involving somebody I knew.Him and I were not the best of friends but we did talk about a lot of things whenever we ran into each other.Now he's gone.The news really hit me like a ton of bricks when I heard about it this evening on the TV news.It was shocking because I had just talked with him a month ago and he was in good spirits.Again,now he's gone.I am going to miss him.
Today was yet another work day and it went as well as it could.Tonight,the Sabres lost to the Penguins 4-2.They play tomorrow night against the Toronto Maple Leafs.I hope that they can win that game.
I hope that tomorrow will be a better day.Tomorrow is Saturday and I am hoping that the day goes good.I am also going to be singing tomorrow night and I hope that this also goes well.
Well that was my day.FJ

Tonight,I check in with mixed emotions.I had a so-so work day.Nothing negative happened but I just felt depressed for no particular reason.The Sabres lost to the Ottawa Senators 6-3 last night in Ottawa and I actually misplaced a newspaper that I picked up during my lunch break.I looked all over the house for it but there was no trace of it.I went out to pick up another copy.Fortunately,it was a free newspaper.Right now,it is raining outside and there is really nothing around for me to do.I do not know what is wrong with me.I have never misplaced anything where I could not find it anymore.I am feeling depressed for no reason at the moment.I do not know what the problem is.I am hoping that I feel better in the next few days.Maybe when I go out Saturday night I will feel better and I am also hoping that tomorrow,which is a work day,goes well.If it does,hopefully I will feel better.I guess that I am still feeling down about what happened to me on Tuesday regarding my tire.Every time something bad happens to me,I have an anxiety about the rest of the week and I always hope that nothing bad happens during the week.Again,I hope that I am feeling better soon.
Those are my thoughts and feelings.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling really good.I had a wonderful meeting tonight with my group at the church and that really made the night.I told the men about what had hapend to me yesterday and it was great to share this woth them.It made me feel better to talk about it with them.It was wonderful.The men in the group are a really swell bunch.It is great that I found out about them.I have been going to every meeting and every meeting has been doing me a lot of good.I am going to continue going to those meetings.I have been getting an awful lot of them.Ever since I have been going,I have not been losing it lately.I mean,what happened yesterday made me angry but I did not lose my temper nor did I shout curses at the sky like I have done previously in the past.I guess going to that group has been helping me.Yes it has.I have not been at edge as much lately nor have I lost my temper as of late.I feel a great sense of accomplishment coming over me.WOW!It seems like only yesterday that I was a guy who always was at edge and was ready to explode when somebody said the wrong thing or when something happens that should not have happened.But I am still keeping on guard because I could fall short anytime when I least expect it.But still,I feel that I have accomplished something.
Tomorrow is yet another work day.I am hoping that all goes well tomorrow and the rest of the week.If nothing negative happens during the rest of the week,I will really feel good.Yes I will.
That was my night.FJ

Tonight,I check in with mixed emotions.The day that I had started out promising but would take a turn for the worse later on.I did my job and the first half of the day went by very smoothly.The second half of the day not so smoothly.The afternoon started when I was moving my vehicle to another parking space and was surprised to see that my passenger side rear tire was flat.It appeared that it was slashed.That really made me angry.Tires are expensive nowadays.I had to pay over $70.00 for that tire,including maintenance.The new year started out positive with the Sabres winning and then this happens.The reason why I was angry was not just because this happened but there was no police patrolling the area.If there was enough police patrolling the area,this would not have happened.I remember back in the years before,there was adequate police patrols.Police were on the streets 24/7 and the crime rate where I lived was scarcely low.Now,there are hardly any police on the streets and the crime rate is so high that the elected officials are doing little if nothing to bring back the adequate police protection that we need to keep the rate low.This year,we need to elect a new mayor in my hometown so they can bring policemen back to the streets.Playing politics with law enforcement is not only wrong but it's unacceptable.We need to get politicians back who care about public safety and who will never take public safety for granted.It stinks.
I hope that tomorrow will be better.I have to do a pick up of laundry for the Wednesday afternoon person.I am hoping that tomorrow goes by smoother than today.
Well that was my day.FJ

HAPPY NEW YEAR,EVERYBODY!
Tonight,I am checking in feeling pretty good.Last night,the New Year's party was an awesome success.It was truly wonderful.I entertained the crowd and they were very appreciative.It was a truly awesome night.Yes it was.I did eat a lot of food but that is part of the holiday celebration.I am looking forward to the new year with a lot of optimism and enthusiasm.I am hoping that the new year goes great.My resolution is to continue working on my emotional problems,such as my problem with anger.I have been doing well,so far and that makes me feel good.Again,I hope that the new year gows well.
The Buffalo Sabres were victorious yet again.They defeated the New York Islanders by a score of 3-1.That was truly the event of the day.Yes it is.I am happy that the new year is starting off on a promising and positive note.A Buffalo Sabres win to start off the new year is something.Yes it is.
Tomorrow is another work day.The post office and other government agencies will be closed for a day of mourning for former vice president/president Gerald R.Ford.The mail delivery will resume on Wednesday.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight is New Year's Eve.In just under five hours,we will be ringing in another year.It will be 2007 very soon.I can hardly wait for the new year to start.In under five hours,it will begin.I will be doing my typical entertaining on New Year's.I will be celebrating with my friends and singing up a storm for them.I know that it will be a fun night.I always have fun singing on New Year's Eve and helping to ring in the new year with everyone.It is always a BLAST.Yes it is.
The Buffalo Sabres defeated the Atlanta Thrashers last night 4-1.It was truly a great game and a great way to ring in the new year with a big bang.With this win,Lindy Ruff is going to be coaching the All-Star team when the All-Star break comes.That is really AWESOME.I hope that Lindy Ruff does a great job in coaching that team.
I am looking forward to the new year and I am looking forward to the party tonight when I am going to be singing.It will be a fun night.Yes it will.
Well,I hope that everybody has a Happy New Year.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling okay and with a little optimism.I am going to be singing for my friends tonight and I am hoping that all does go well.Though I rarely have an off night,there nothing wrong with hoping for things to go well.I have a feeling that it will be a wonderful night and I am looking forward to it with a lot of enthusiasm and optimism.Again,I hope that all goes well.
Today,was a very good day.I went out to have my hair cut and I also had to forward a package to someone in New York state and I am hoping that the package that I am expecting gets here on Wednesday.The post office will be closed to pay tribute to the recently deceased former vice president/president Gerald R.Ford.All other government agencies will also be closed as well.I will be looking forwrad to receiving it on Wednesday.I also have to mail a check out for a bill that is due on Friday.I will send it Priority Mail.
Tomorrow is New Year's Eve.I am looking forward to that with a lot of enthusiasm.I will be entertaining the crowds tonight and tomorrow.I can hardly wait.
Tonight,the Sabres are playing the Atlanta Thrashers and they are leading 1-0.I hope for another win.
That was my day.FJ