Tonight,I check in feeling good.At the moment,the Buffalo Sabres and the New York Islanders are tied 3-3.I am hoping that the Sabres can win tonight after that disappointing loss on Friday night.It would be truly neat to see that they win tonight.It would make me happy to hear that they won tonight.I am hoping for a victory tonight.A victory tonight would be totally sweet.Again,I hope that they can win one tonight.
Tonight,I am going to be singing again for my friends and I am hoping that it goes well.Though I rarely have an off night singing and entertaining,I still always hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.Again,I hope that things go well.
I had a pretty good day today.The weather was a bit warmer today and some of the snow melted.I also shoveled a little bit for the mail carrier so he/she would not slip and fall.The minute that I got done and went back in,the mail carrier left a little mail.I also ran an errand today for myself while for most of the day,I had the place to myself because my mother went shopping.It is now evening and the temps have dropped some and it is kind of cold but not as it has been over the past couple of weeks.It will be back in the 20's when the new week begins.Again,I will be looking forward to entertaining the crowds tonight.I am hoping that everything goes good.
That was my day and what my night will hopefully be like.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling okay.Tonight is bitterly cold.The wind chill factor is -12 below zero.It is COLD.This has been the coldest that it's ever been all winter.Tomorrow,we are supposed to get up to the 30's again.The roller coaster ride begins again.We have had it cold the past couple of weeks and now,we are going to back in the 30's tomorrow.WOW!Pretty topsy turvy weather we have been having lately.One minute it's COLD.The next minute it warms up a tad.I guess the atmosphere will be topsy turvy for a while.
Today was yet another work day.I did my job and that went as well as could be expected.Nothing really negative to write about.It was a pretty good day.When I got home,I simply went upstairs to lie down because I was tired and mainly,my niece's kids were over.I just needed some peace and quiet for a while.So,I layed down for almost an hour and it was good.I also had a headache as well so I needed some peace and quiet to get rid of it.I felt better later after having dinner.I am in the house right now relaxing.I am just happy that the weekend is here.
The only disappointing thing to happen tonight was that the Buffalo Sabres lost tonight to the Columbus Blue Jackets by a score of 3-2.
Tomorrow night,I will be singing for my friends.I am hoping that the night goes good.Though I rarely have an off night,I still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling good.It was yet another wonderful day for me.It was totally awesome.Today was another work day and the work day went by smoothly.I got a lot done with no trouble at all.I am simply paying more attention to my job and paying less attention to what is around me.I do pay attention to when my supervisor tells me something and that is all I pay attention.Again,the day went by well and that was rewarding in itself.Yes it was.
I also had to run an errand for my mother when I got home from work.After that was done,I stayed home and took it easy.It was yet another bitterly cold day today with blowing and drifting snow that seemed to never end as it got a little worse.Yes it did.I managed to make it home today even though it was storming a little.It takes a bit longer for my vehicle to warm up when it is really COLD outside.Then again,it's the winter season and that is what's to be expected.We did have some nice warm weather for a while but the arctic blast that we got brought us back to reality.Again,it's winter.It is what the season is all about.
Tomorrow is yet another work day.After that,it will be the weekend and I will be doing my usual singing for the crowd on Saturday night.I am hoping that my work day goes well and that my night of singing goes well.Tomorrow night,the Buffalo Sabres are back on the ice.They are playing the Columbus Blue Jackets in Columbus tomorrow night.I am hoping for a win.Though the Eastern Conference All Star's lost 12-9 to the Western Conference All Star's,I am glad that Daniel Brieire won the All Star Game's MVP award.That in itself is better than nothing.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I am checking in feeling really good.I had a wonderful night.I went to my group and it was yet another wonderful meeting.We talked for a little bit about what was going on with us and how our weeks were going so far.I shared my story and that was great.It is great and rewarding to have some men who are listening and actually caring about you at the same time.Yes it is.I am looking forward to next weeks meeting and talking with them again.Yes I am.I am going to continue going to these.It is truly amazing.
Today,I went to see my sexual abuse support counselor and that went well.I had a wonderful talk with her.We talked about the usual stuff,with part of it being about the harsh time that I spent with my father when I was younger.I have said it before and I will say it again.It is rewarding to find caring and wonderful people who are there to listen to you without being judgemental alongside ignoring you for no reason.Again,it was a wonderful day and night overall.Yes it was.
Tomorrow is yet another work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day and night.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling okay.I had a pretty frustrating day today on the job.I,once again,had to pick up after those people at the rehab center where I pick up laundry every week.It was not a big mess but I had to back a lot of loose dirty laundry that was on the shelves in the laundry room there and it was frustrating because this took time off of my schedule and I was hoping to be right on time.But I wound up picking up after people who can actually pick up after themselves without having to be told what to do or shown how to do it.I hate it when that happens.I hope that the rest of the week goes by smoothly.The work day,despite a couple of minor mishaps,went by superbly.I did my job for the day and went home.I did have to run a couple of errands tonight and now,I am just relaxing while preparing for bed.
I finaly heard from a friend of mine that I have not heard from in a while.He is feeling better and we are still hoping to get together in the near future.I hope that it does indeed happen and we can finally patch up things between us.It will be great to do so.I have had some problems with him in the past and again,I am hoping that everything goes great.Yes I do.
Tomorrow is an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor.Tomorrow night is another group meeting.I hope that both go well.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling pretty good.It was a wonderful day and I got a lot done.I helped my mother out today.I even managed to get some personal stuff done myself.It was not easy due to the bitterly cold weather that we have been having but still,I got a lot done.It was a nice day despite the freezing temperatures.But I got a lot done and that gives me a good feeling.
Tomorrow is another work day.I hope that the work day goes by well.I am also hoping that the week goes by well enough as well.After the frustrating work day that I had on Friday,I am going to need a great week to get over that.Again,I am hoping that the work day and week goes by well.If it does,I will feel a bit better.
The Sabres are not playing until Friday.They will be playing the Columbus Bluejackets on Friday night.I hope that they can start off their first post all star break game with a win.It was very depressing that they lost to the Montreal Canadians in Montreal on Saturday night.Again,a win Friday night can make me forget about that disappointing loss.
Wednesday afternoon is when I will be meeting my sexual abuse support counselor.It is my first meeting with her since the new year began.I am hoping for a wonderful meeting with her.I have a lot to tell her.I hope that the meeting goes well.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling pretty good.I had a wonderful day.I ran an errand for my mother.I even checked up on a friend of mine and he's doing good.I even had a nice talk with a friend of mine from Jersey and he's doing good.Plus,I just sent an e-mail to my new friend in California.Everything is good.Yes it is.I am feeling good and that gives me a wonderful feeling.Yes it does.I feel great and that feeling is better than nothing.
Last night,I sang up a storm for my friends and I had a ball.It was a truly wonderful evening for me and it was wonderful that everybody enjoyed my song selections last night.I came home with a smile on my face and had a wonderful nights sleep.I had no bad dreams and that was wonderful.
The only disappointing thing was that the Buffalo Sabres lost 4-3 to the Montreal Canadians last night.They have the week off for the all star game before resuming play on the 26th against the Columbus Blue Jackets in Coulmbus.The best thing is that three of the Sabres are going to play in the all star game.They are Daniel Briere,Brian Campbell and Ryan Miller.They will be playing on the first team.It will be an interesting game.Lindy Ruff is also going to coach the team that Briere,Campbell and Miller will be playing.Again,it will be an interesting game.
That was my day and night.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling really good.It is Saturday night and I am looking forward to singing up a storm tonight.I hope that the night goes by well.Again,though I rarely have an off night,I still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.Still,I look forward to singing tonight and I am hoping that the night goes good.
Today,I got a lot done.I managed to get to the drug store to pick up my medication and I even took a friend to work today.It was a pretty good day.The weather was bitterly cold and it was a little bit icy and freezing.Despite this,I managed to get a lot accomplished.Again,I look forward to entertaining the crowd tonight and I hope that everything goes well tonight.I enjoy entertaining the crowds every Saturday night and it always makes me feel good when they feel good.Yes it does.
Right now,the Buffalo Sabres are playing.I am hoping that they can win tonight.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling pretty good.It was a wonderful day.I worked a full day today and it worked out pretty good.The day did start out frustrating as I had to pick up an unholy mess in the laundry room over at the drug/alcohol rehab center that I had to pick up the laundry from.Fortunately for me,I had a couple of helpers helping me to pick it up.After that,I simply put the laundry in my vehicle and went to my work place to start my job.The day went by well.I did my work and the day went by pretty fast.I had a good day.It all worked out and everything turned out for the better.
Tonight,the Buffalo Sabres were victorious again.They beat the Vancouver Canucks tonight in a shootout by a score of 4-3.The Sabres travel to Montreal to play the Canadians.This will be the Sabres last game until the All-Star break is over with.I hope that they can win another one again.
I will also be singing tomorrow night.I am hoping that the night goes by well.Though I rarely have an off night,I still hope for everything to go well.You never know what might happen.Again,I also hope for another win by the Buffalo Sabres.
That was my day and night.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling pretty good.It was a very good day today.Though I had a disappointing work day where I only had half a day,I managed to keep myself busy with some stuff.My mother and I got some much needed grocery shopping done.I figured that since I had the afternoon of,why not use it to my advantage.I got a lot done today and that is wonderful.Yes it is.I had a great group night last night and today,I made a new friend who I met in an online Yahoo forum.It is a young lady who's from Hawaii and lives in California.I am communicating with her via e-mail and through other means.She is such a sweetie.I love her as a person.She is truly nice.I like her.We have a lot in common.She likes the same type of movies that I do.Yes she does.It is great to meet new people and make new friends.I am feeling good about that.Yes I am.
Tomorrow is another work day.It will be a full day this time.I will be glad about that.Yes I will.Next week,it will be back to normal as I will now be working full weeks,except when there is a holiday during the week.
Overall,a pretty good day.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling better.I had a wonderful group meeting tonight.It was awesome to let out some more steam.It was a great meeting.The weather might have been cold tonight but it did not dull the mood of teh men who were meeting.It was yet another wonderful meeting.I am looking forward to the next meeting.Yes I am.I always look forward to all the weekly meetings.I am hoping that the next meeting is just as great as the last.Yes I do.
Today,I got a rude awakening.I learned that I will only be working half a day tomorrow.I was a little peeved at this because I was planning to work a full week.I am going to lose a little bit of money and that is disappointing.But I am going to fill it up with something.My mom and I are going to do some grocery shopping.It's going to be cold over the next few days and we feel that it's necessary to do that.At least,I will have something to do.I will be keeping my nimble self busy.It will not be on the job.But it's better than nothing.I was angry that this is happening.But I was surprised that I did not lose my temper.I am normally not very good at keeping my cool.But I have been doing good in that area as of late.WOW!
Tonight,the Buffalo Sabres defeated the Boston Bruins by a score of 6-3.The Sabres three game losing streak is over.It is totally sweet hearing that my #1 team is a winner.It is also sweeter that they are doing great.Their next game is a home game when the Vancouver Canucks come to town.I am hoping that the Buffalo Sabres can win another one.Two consecutive wins at home would be totally sweet.
That was my day and night.FJ

Tonight,I check in with mixed emotions.I am very disappointed with myself tonight.I am really feeling torn apart at the seems and I feel like I am unworthy of a lot of things.Earlier today,I wound up masturbating again.I felt bad about this.It is the same old pattern again.I was once again having those same old dreams about being surrounded by naked men and feeling powerless.I was trying to take a nap today after I had a hard day at work and I weakened.I feel so dirty right now.I want to overcome this terrible SSA that I am going through and it is really bringing me down when I failed today.I did ask God to forgive me for giving in but I still feel guilty.I know that I need to learn to forgive myself after asking from forgiveness from up above and even though I said to myself,albiet mentally,that I forgive you FJ as well,but I still feel miserable.I need all the help that I can get.I want to stop this stuff and I want to overcome SSA but I am having a hard time.I am going to have anothet talk with the Lord in Heaven again before I turn in for the night.I hope that I feel better afterwards.I am feeling depressed as well as angry with myself for falling short.I know that God does not expect me to be a "Superhero". He knows that I am imperfect and will fall short.Plus,I know that he is merciful and forgiving.I am still trusting in him to accomplish my goals but I am still feeling guilty.Again,I will have another talk with him tonight before I turn in for the night and I hope that I feel better after doing so.I still feel miserable.But again,after another talk with the Lord,I hope that I feel better.
Those are my thoughts and ramblings.I would appreciate a few prayers.Thanks.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling disappointed.Why?Because due to the weather we had today,which was a lot of freezing rain,I could not go to my appointment because I had a difficult time trying to get ice off of the driver and passenger side windows of my vehicle.I had no problem getting the ice off of my windshield but those windows were a pain.I tried everything but everything failed.So,I poured Prestone windshield de-icer fluid all over my windows to loosen the ice.It worked but not in time for my appointment.I had to cancel it today and I had it rescheduled for next month.I was hoping to terminate the counseling but I now have to wait another month.Oh well!Mother Nature really let ys have it today,didn't she?The only thing that I get accomplished today was that I had to go to the store to get a couple of things for the home.That is the only thing I did.
I actually fell back into the old thought patterns.I gave into temptation when I kept playing with my genitals.I was also having verbal daydreamed styled fantasies of my past sexual relations with other men.I was also talking to myself on top of it all.I had to say,in my brain,"STOP!THIS IS NOT YOU,BOY!YOU ARE NOT HOMOSEXUAL!YOU JUST HAVE THOSE DESIRES BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE!YOU'RE A HETEROSEXUAL/STRAIGHT GUY WITH A HOMOSEXUAL PROBLEM!"I had to say a little prayer for the lord to forgive me in this because it was wrong.After I done that,I felt better and I listened to some spiritual music to clear my head.I will be listening to it again before I go to sleep.I hope that I can sleep well.I did weaken last night a few hours after posting and I masturbated.I also asked the lord to forgive me for falling short.Plus,the Buffalo Sabres lost to the Boston Bruins in a shootout tonight by a score of 3-2.
We have a winter weather advisory in effect tonight until midnight.I hope that we do not get any more for tonight and a while.We escaped the full brunt of the storm system,but still,anything can happen.
That was my day and night.FJ

Tonight,I am checking feeling a little bit better than yesterday.I had a ball last night entertaining the crowds doing my tribute to Elvis Presley.They all enjoyed it very much and even got some Thumbs Up from several young ladies who were Elvis Presley fans,which was wonderful.I also had a nice conversation with a friend of mine in New Jersey and that also was wonderful.It has been a very nice night.I am feeling better tonight and I am hoping that the week goes by good.I did receive some news from the National Weather Service that there is a Winter storm WARNING in effect from 1:00am Monday morning to 7:00pm Monday evening.I am hoping that we can escape the full brunt of the storm and only get a little bit.We are supposed to get FREEZING rain and that will cause roads to ice up and make travel difficult.But I am hoping that it will not be that bad.If it happens,It happens.If it don't,It don't.But again,there is nothing wrong with hoping.
The only problem that I am going to have is with my appointment tomorrow.It is downtown in the city that I am living in and if we get the worst of it,I am going to have a hard time getting to that appointment.But maybe,we might escape the worst.
Regarding my appointment tomorrow,it will be my last meeting with my anger management counselor and after tomorrow,I can terminate it.I will then go back to regular medication management.I am feling pretty good at the moment and that is a wonderful feeling.
That was my day and night last night.FJ

Tonight,I check in with mixed emotions.Today was a day for me to get some errands done.I had to go pick up a couple of things at the store for the home.I also picked up a few things for myself and even had a light,but late,lunch.I even managed to check up on a couple of friends and see how they were doing.They were doing okay and that gave me a litle bit of happiness.It is reassuring to find that certain people are okay.I actually missed them last week when I went out to entertain hoping to see them but they never showed up.I learned why.It is because one of their relatives was sick.I was disappointed but felt relieved that they wre doing good and their relative was doing good as well.
I managed to get that one thing accomplished today.I did pick up a couple of get well cards for the people I was supposed to get together with yesterday and that made me feel good.I hope that they appreciate the cards.
The only disappointing thing is that the Buffalo Sabres lost to the Tampa Bay Lightning tonight by a score of 3-2.
Tonight,I am going to do my usual entertaining the crowds tonight.I will be doing an Elvis Presley tribute because this is the week of Elvis' birthday.I hope that everything goes well.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I am checking in with mixed emotions.I had a pretty decent day on the job.Nothing really negative happened at work today.I simply did my job and I went home.Nothing to really write home about.
The disappointing thing to happen today was that I was supposed to go over somebody's house for a get together but he and his wife were sick.They were both battling the common cold and were taking medication.They called while I was on a long distance call with a guy who I do business with.It was disappointing.But I am going to buy them a couple of get well cards tomorrow and I hope that they both are feeling better soon.It is a shame but they did not want me to catch what they had.Apparently,his wife got it first and he caught it from her.Again,I will be buying them each a get well card and hope that they are feeling better soon.
A DVD that I have been waiting on had finally arrived.I was on my way out to the bank to cash my paycheck and the UPS delivery guy handed it to me.I opened it and it was the DVD.It was an episode of the classic educational show Big Blue Marble.I watched it after I arrived home from the bank and it was wonderful.I will be ordering another one real soon.I am looking forward to getting a few more in the near future.
The weekend is finally here.I will be going out tomorrow night to entertain the crowd and I will be taking it easy on Sunday.Monday is a holiday.I have an appointment with my anger management counselor.It will also be my last meeting with him.After this,I can terminate it.I will go back to regular medication management after this.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling okay.It was a pretty good day today.It was a typical work day and that went fair.There was no laundry for me to pick up this morning,but I still had some laundry to do in the basement at work.I did it and I went home.On the way home,I picked up a little something and I dropped off a prescription.I went home and relaxed a bit.Tonight is pretty cold out tonight and I am hoping to sleep well tonight.
The only disappointing thing to happen tonight is that the Buffalo Sabres lost to the Toronto Maple Leafs by a score of 4-2.They will be playing again on Saturday night against the Tampa Bay Lightning,which will also be in Buffalo.I am hoping for a win.It will be great after that embarrassing loss to the Leafs.I know that the Sabres can not win every game but it is still disappointing when they lose.
Tomorrow is another work day and I am hoping that the day goes better than today.The weekend will be here and then I can take it easy for a couple of days.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I am checking feeling really good.Yes I am.I had my group tonight and it was totally awesome.We had yet another nice discussion within the group and that was neat.I am already starting to fit in with these guys.It's great to finally have some men finally listening to me rather than ignoring me.WOW!I am glad to have found out about this group.I am now looking forward to every meeting with them every week.Yes I am.
Tonight,the Buffalo Sabres won tonight.They defeated the Chicago Blackhawks by a score of 2-1.It's wonderful that my hockey team is finally doing great.Yes it is.They will be playing the Toronto Maple Leafs in Buffalo tomorrow night.I am hoping for another win.That would be totally sweet.Yes it would.
The first two days of the week went by pretty well.I had the day off on Monday.I just took it easy and ran a couple of errands.Yesterday,I went to work and even that went well.Nothing really negative to write about.It worked out pretty good.Today,the only thing I had to do was a laundry pick-up and that went by pretty easily.Nothing to pick up off the floor.It was all bagged for me,which was super.
That is my report of the past few days.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling okay.I had a wonderful time entertaining the crowd last night.It was totally awesome.I had a ball entertaining the people and I had some talks with a guy who I have been trying to make amends with.Our time together was great.I loved it.I had a wonderful time hanging out with him and his wife.We were laughing,smiling and joking.I think that our reconciliation is going to work out fine.At least,that's how I am feeling at the moment.I am going to take this one day at a time and hope for the best.It actually took my mind off the tragedy that happened on Friday.I still feel sadness that it did happen and I hope that the poor guy's spirit find peace and contentment.It is a shame that it happened.I wish that he were still here right now.I have accepted the fact that he is gone.I will always miss him.Yes I will. The only really great thing to happen last night was that the Buffalo Sabres defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs by a score of 4-3.
Tomorrow is a day off for me as it always is on Monday's.I go back to work Tuesday and I hope that it works out okay.Things have been so-so at work but I hope for better days.I managed to get a little bit of shopping for the home done today and I even managed to see if a friend of mine is okay,which he is.He and his girlfriend were supposed to come and habg out with me last night but somebody in his family got really badly sick last night and he chose to help them rather than go out.There's always next Saturday night.
That was my night last night and my day today.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling a little bit better.I am not on edge as much as I was last night.But I am still being careful.I do not want to do anything that might ruin the evening for me.Though I am a bit calmer and not feeling as angry as yesterday,I still have to be careful.I do not want to do or even say anything that I might regret later.I am going to be careful on what I say and do.
Tonight,the Buffalo Sabres were victorious.They defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs by a score of 4-3.Their next game will be against the Chicago Blackhawks on Wednesday night.I hope that they can make it two in a row.That would be sweet.Yes it would.
I am still feeling a little sadness over the tragedy that happened yesterday.It was truly a shocking thing to happen.I am always going to miss him.It's sad.Even though death is a part of life,it should not happen too soon.The person I knew that died was 33.
I hope that tonight goes well.I am going to meeting a couple of friends tonight where I am goingto be singing.Again,I hope that the night goes well.
I did get a lot done today.I had to do some laundry and a little bit of personal shopping.
That was my day.FJ