Saturday, April 25, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I simply started the day off by doing my personal PC work and eating breakfast.Despite an issue with the internet browser,I managed to get my work done.I simply closed the browser and restarted the computer so I could increase the speed.It worked and I got the work that I needed to get done accomplished.
I only ran a couple of errands today.I went and got some gas in my tank and I also turned in some bottles that had accumulated in the backseat of my 4x4.I got a little over a couple of bucks but it was great to finally get them to the store and also help the environment a little.
When I got home,I took a bath while mom heated up some homemade soup for dinner.I also did some more personal PC work before even taking my bath,including registering a few more bills at the Where's George site.I am going out tonight and I wanted to be sure that I was cleaned up before anything else.I am going to be doing my usual singing tonight and I am hoping that the evening goes well.Though I rarely have a bad night,I still hope for things to go well.
After eating,I did some more last minute personal PC work.Weatherwise,the wind is blowing and we just had a passing rain shower.We are supposed to get some more rain before the evening is through.I will just have to be more careful while driving home tonight because of the rain.I am going to have a friend with me tonight because he called while I was bathing and said that he would like to go out.Again,I will just have to be careful while I am driving home tonight.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.Nothing crept up into my mentality today.I had no images,cravings nor any desire to act out.I guess that keeping myself busy today was what kept me from thinking of anything sexual with men as well as anything sexual in genral.I am feeling pretty good as a result.I am hoping that I can get through the rest of the weekend unscathed.
As for the rest of the weekend,I have no plans made but whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for tonight and the rest of the weekend ahead.FJ

Friday, April 24, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly,including the laundry pick up.Before I began my job,I had lunch and socialized for a while.After eating,I sorted the laundry out and did the work.
After I was finished,I bagged everything and dropped it off at the rehab center before heading for home.
I made a few stops on the way home.I first went to the bank to cash my paycheck and I went to the local K-Mart.I was looking for pain relieving patches but couldn't find the ones that I was looking for.I then headed over to the local Wal-Mart and I found the ones that I was looking for.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did some e-mail checking before having dinner.I only had a few e-mails and after reading them,I ate.
After eating,I went out and ran an errand for my mom.I had to pick up one last thing for her before the day was through.I went to the local supermarket to pick up a 1/2 gallon of ice cream and headed for home.Overall,a pretty good day.
I am glad that the weekend is here.I am going to go out and sing tomorrow night for my friends.I am hoping that the evening goes well for me.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I kept busy to try and keep my mind off of sex with other men and I had no problems.There were no cravings nor any images creeping up in my mind.I am hoping that I can get through the weekend unscathed.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the weekend ahead.FJ

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I simply did what I had to do in the small amount of time that I had.There were also no messes to clean up during the laundry pick-up this morning.After lunch,I bagged the clean laundry that was already done,drooped it off at the rehab center and headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby gas station to get some gas in my tank and I headed straight home.
When i got home,I decided to take a nap.I slept for over an hour.This time,I slept soundly with no problems with images or cravings.I actually felt refreshed after the nap and when I got out of bed,I decided to finish my personal PC work,but put it off when dinner was ready.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work and I also browsed the internet for a while.I did run into some issues with the internet browser while doing that.It froze for about 10 seconds and rebooted itself.It did this about 3 times before I decided to just close the browser off and restart the computer.
While the computer was restarting,I ran a couple of errands for my mom.My mom wanted me to pick up a few things that she needed for dinner tomorrow night.I went out to get the things.I had to go to 2 different stores to get the stuff but I was glad to have gotten the errands done.I headed for home and didn't stop for anything on the way home.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems with any images,cravings nor did I have anything creeping up into my mind.As stated,even my nap today was pretty smooth with no images nor cravings.I guess the way things went contributed to me not having to deal with the feelings.They do make me feel uncomfortable when the occur and I just have to deal with them whenever they happen or creep up.But again,no problems and I am glad for that.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was simply a laundry pick-up day.The pick-up went well.There were no messes to clean up and everything worked out for the better.After having lunch at work,I sorted out the laundry and headed for home.
On the way home,I mailed out an important letter for my mom and I also dropped something off at my sister's house.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I took a nap for about an hour.I was feeling a little tired and I felt that a nap would be good.After the nap,I got dressed and ran an errand for my mom.
I had to pick up a small thing at a local Dollar General that my mom needed and I went to get that before dinner.On the way home,I stopped briefly to pick up a bag full of empty soda cans that someone left on the street.When I get a chance,I am going to take back the whole bunch of cans that I have in the back seat of my 4X4.I need to free up some room in the back.
When I got home,I ate dinner and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
With the exception of the errand,I stayed home for much of the day because we had non-stop rain throughout the day.There is nothing to do in my hometown when it is raining.
Regarding my SSA struggles,as far as today went,I had a brief episode.I haven't acted out with someone else as a partner in a long time.But today,I did get cravings.While trying to take a nap,I had a dream where I was being pursued by other guys for sexual favors and even though I tried to escape,I would always wind up stuck in the middle where I would be surrounded by guys with their erections sticking out and them asking me to perform oral sex.Fortunately,I did wake up briefly during my nap and that stopped it.I went back to sleep and nothing happened.I did have a craving to masturbate but didn't do it.I need advice on how I can handle something like that in the near future so it won't lead me to acting out,such as masturbating to these images.I know the root of the issues that I am struggling with but I do need a more better way of coping and escaping.If anyone out there has any advice for me out,I want to hear it.Thanks.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty busy day today.
Today was a work day.I went to work and I did my job.It was quite a lot to do.The laundry pick-up also went smoothly as there were no messes to clean up.The work took me nearly five hours to complete.I also hung out at the social club next door to my work for a while during the morning and for the rest of the day,I concentrated more on my work and I after it was done,I simply dropped off the clean laundry at the rehab center and headed for home.
On the way home,I had to make a stop at a local supermarket to pick up some thin breads for dinner tomorrow night.I also bought a 1/2 gallon of orange juice that my mom asked me at the last minute to get while I was at the supermarket.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I took the garbage out to the curb and I decided to stay home for the rest of the day.The weather was very rainy and dull and there was no place to go.There is never really anything to do in my hometown when it's raining.The only thing that I did do was that I went for a short walk after I had dinner.It was just a stroll in my neighborhood.After I went back into the house,I chose not to go out anymore.
After eating and going for that aforementioned walk,I finished my personal PC work.It was great to be online and getting the necessary work done.Overall,a pretty busy day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.There were no images nor cravings creeping up.If I can get through tomorrow well enough,great.But for tonight,nothing new to report.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes well with no messes to clean up.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Monday, April 20, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was my day off.I had quite a bit to do.Before I did anything,I did my personal PC work and I also had something to eat.After that,I got ready to do what I had to do.
Today,weatherwise,it was raining.Plus,my legs were really hurting me as a result of the weather.But I didn't let the rain stop me from doing what I had to do.I had to get out and do what I had planned and I am glad to have gotten it done.
Firstly,I went to the post office to mail out some bills that needed to be paid.I had only a week to get the payments out so I mailed them out today by three day Priority Mail.They are now on their way and I am hoping that they get to their destination soon.
Second,I ran an errand for my mom.I had to stop at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that my mom needed to make homemade bean soup tomorrow.It took a bit of looking around but I managed to get all the things that my mom needed for the soup so she could make it tomorrow.After getting all of that,I headed straight home.
I relaxed for a bit when I got home while my mom prepared dinner.While relaxing,I watched a little bit of TV and I also browsed the internet for a while.I even visited the YouTube site for a while and watched some more animated shorts that I hadn't seen in years.They were Tales of the Wizard of Oz shorts that I used to watch when I was a kid.I used to watch them in the early Saturday morning hours and on various weekday shows.It was wonderful to watch these after all of these years and they did bring back some positive memories.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.I also registered some more bills at Where's George.
Right now,the only thing that I heard regarding what the governor of New York is trying to make Same-Sex Marriage a law in NY is that in a recent scientific poll,NY state residents were asked if they favored Same-Sex Marriage and 53% said that they did.Of course,this is only a scientific poll and it is not very accurate.Still,the NY state senate are working their hardest to try and keep traditional marriage the way it is and not have it be perverted by the Same-Sex Marriage bill.I am hoping that they succeed in keep this bill from becoming law.There is no need for Same-Sex Marriage to even exist anywhere because it is not what was intended for marriage.Marriage is between a man and a woman and it should be kept that way.Today,I received soem encouraging words from Miss California that she also believes the same thing.All I can say is more power to you and "You Go,Girl".
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.No images or cravings crept into my mind.I simply kept busy all day and didn't even let my mind wander.I am hoping that I can get through the rest of the week unscathed.
Tomorrow is a work day and I am hoping that the day goes smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a good day today.
When I woke up this morning,I had something to eat and I also did my personal PC work.While doing that,I listened to a radio sermon online via the website that it originated from.It was wonderful.It was about accepting the truth about Christ's resurrection.It was a wonderful sermon to listen to and I am looking forward to next week's.I am hoping that it's as wonderful as today's was.I also registered a few more bills at the Where's George site.
After doing that,I had to get ready for the day.I had another small errand to run and I needed to get it done.I needed a few personal things for myself and I also had to pick up a prescription from the local drugstore.It was a medication that I needed to get filled immediately because I had only one pill left.After doing all of these things that needed to get done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I laid down relaxing on my bed.I also read from a book that I have until dinner was ready.
After eating,I did some more personal PC work and watched a few classic animated shorts on YouTube for a while.The shorts that I watched were from The New Adventures of Pinocchio that were developed by Rankin Bass when their company name was called Videocraft.It was wonderful to watch several of these animated shorts again after all of these years.I used to watch them a lot when I was a little boy and it was great to revisit my childhood for a short time.I have been visiting YouTube quite a bit to revisit my childhood days and I am planning on visiting YouTube quite often in the near future.
Last night,I my night of entertaining the crowd went great.I had a blast singing up a storm.I also got a lot of positive responses from the crowd and it made me feel good.I am looking forward to singing next Saturday night.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had another brief episode this morning.I was still feeling rather tired even after having a good noght's sleep.I guess that it's the side effect of the medication that I am taking while under the supervision of a medical practioner at the local hospital.I was playing with myself and images of men with erections were creeping into my mind.Fortunately,it didn't lead to any masturbatory activity but I still felt pretty down-trodden as a result of it.I am feeling better right now but this episode really got me down for a while this morning.I am just hoping that I can get through the new week unscathed.
I am also thinking of going out tonight and having a drink or two with some of the gang over at the place where I entertain.I am hoping for any really good talks with them.
Tomorrow is my day off.The only thing on my agenda is that I have to mail out a few payments on bills that I need to pay.I am hoping to get through the day pretty well.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Tonight,I am actually feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good,if not too eventful,day today.
Today was the start of the weekend.I simply had breakfast when I woke up and I also did my personal PC work.There wasn't an awful lot to do.After doing that,I started to plan the day.
I had an errand to run today for my mom.I had to pick up a few things that she needed in the house pretty quickly.It was quite a short list she gave me and I managed to find everything at the local Dollar General.After buying all the stuff on my mom's behalf,I headed straight home.
After I got home,I bathed while my mom prepared dinner.I am going out to sing tonight and I wanted to make sure that I was cleaned up so I could be ready to go out.
After eating a light diner,I did some more personal PC work and I also registered the two bills that I got in change at Where's George.I also e-mailed a friend of mine who lives out of town.I managed to get that done despite an issue that my computer was having.I restarted the computer after sending the e-mail because my computer was freezing up and rebooting itself while I was trying to type the e-mail and also sending it.My computer is now working good.I am having no problems.
Tonight,I am going to be singing up a storm tonight.I am hoping that the evening goes well for me.Though I rarely have an off night,I still hope for things to go well for me because you never know what could happen.But I do have the feeling that everything will work out for me.Still,I hope.
With this being the weekend,the state senate is not working.During the week,the encouraging news that the New York state senate is opposing the Same-Sex Marriage bill was the best news the entire week.At the moment,the senate office is closed and will resume next week.Again,I am hoping that the Same-Sex Marriage bill will never make law in New York state.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode this morning.I was still trying to wake up even after getting out of bed.Images and cravings were clouding my mind and I was playing with myself as well.But I managed to stop myself before it went any further.I am just fortunate that it didn't lead to masturbation or worse.I have to be on guard.I can't let the cravings overwhelm me like that.
As for the rest of the weekend,I haven't made any plans but whatever I do,I am hoping that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the rest of the weekend.FJ

Friday, April 17, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling very good.I had a very good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.After I ate lunch,I did my job and I did everything that I needed to do in the short period of time that I had.After I finished,I bagged everything and I dropped everything off at the rehab center.I headed straight home.
I also left the house after I came home.I went to my regular bank to cash my paycheck and I also withdrew some money for myself that I needed to help me pay a few bills that I need to pay next week.The day also was a bright sunny day and I enjoyed just being out in the community and getting some air.Before heading back home,I went to a nearby gas station to get some gas.
When I got home,I ate a light dinner and afterwards,I registered all the bills that I had at Where's George.It was quite a lot but I managed to get them all on there.I relaxed and listened to some music for a while before going back out again.
I went to a local Wal-Mart to buy some allergy medicine that I needed because I took my last pill this morning.I was blowing my nose quite a bit and I also was clearing my throat constantly.I headed straight home and that is where I am staying for the rest of the night.
I haven't heard anything new in the news regarding what New York governor David Paterson is doing to try and make Same-Sex Marriage legal in New York state.So far,the only thing that I have heard is that the state senate is still working dilligently and agressively to try and keep the bill from becoming law.The NY state senate wants to fight to keep traditional marriage the way it is and not have it be perverted by this bill.I am hoping that the NY state senate can keep the Same-Sex Marriage bill from becoming law.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.No images nor cravings crept up.I am glad for that.If I can get through the weekend unscathed,great.I am just hoping that I can.
Tomorrow night,I am going to be singing up a storm and I am hoping that the evening goes well for me.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the weekend ahead.FJ

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I simply did my required work in the amount of time that I had and when I was done,I simply bagged everything that was clean and dropped it off at the rehab center.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while because despite having a pretty smooth work day,I was feeling tired and wanted to relax.While relaxing,I watched an episode of the 2nd season of Friday The 13th:The Series on the DVD that I own and I enjoyed it.I was also eagerly awaiting the delivery of a movie that I ordered at the beginning of the week and I wanted to get the movie in the house so it would be in my library.With mail thefts happening on occasion,I just wanted to make sure that it was in the house.After checking the DVD out,I shut off the DVD player and finished my personal PC work.
After eating a light dinner,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work by cleaning out my e-mail Inbox after it was all done.I was going to do it right after finishing but I had an issue with the program.I restarted it and did the work.It is now completed.
I also received some news.I heard that New York governor David Paterson is trying to get a bill on Same-Sex Marriage on the law books.The good news is that the state senate is working to make sure that it doesn't get on the books.Lead by George Maziarz,they are working to keep marriage between a man and a woman and that it should always be kept that way.I am hoping that the state senate succeeds in keeping the bill because marriage is between a man and a woman and nothing should change that.I am just glad that I am in the healing process from SSA and not in the rut that I used to be.I am glad to know the truth and I feel free.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems and I also had no images nor cravings while trying to sleep last night.I had a good nights sleep and today,even the news regarding what NY governor Paterson is trying to do didn't have any impact on me.Again,I am hoping that the state senate succeeds in blocking this bill from becoming law.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up.I simply picked up the bags and dropped them off at the work site.After lunch,I sorted out the laundry before heading for home.
On the way home,I stopped at my regular bank to withdraw some money for my mom and I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I prepared some stuff that I had to mail out.I sent out an RCA DVD Recorder/VCR combo that I bought on credit to the place that I ordered it from because it was defective.I also had to mail out a couple of other things for my mom and after that was done,I headed back home.
I stayed at home for a while waiting for the mail to come.I was waiting on a new movie that I bought off of Ebay.I was checking the USPS's track and confirm and though it informed me that it arrived in my hometown,I didn't receive it.But there is always tomorrow.I am still eagerly awaiting this.I am hoping to add it to my collection pretty soon.
After the mail came,I went to the local drug store to pick up a follow-up prescription on my blood pressure medication and a couple of half gallons of milk.I headed back home.
We had a light dinner early because my grand nieces and grand nephew were coming over for over an hour.While they watched a movie on TV that I put into the DVD player,I went out for a walk for a bit but went back home after staying out for about 20 minutes.I laid down for a while while the kids were watching the movie.I needed some peace and quiet for a while and being upstairs in my room was a way for me to get it.My grand nieces and grand nephew are now home with their mother and it is now pretty quite in the house.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode overnight while trying to get to sleep.I was also manipulating my sexuality along with the images that were crossing through my head.The intensity was so much that I had to ask the creator to help me remove the images from my mind and as I prayed,the images disappeared and I went to sleep.Today,I had no problems as a result of me staying busy and keeping my mind on my job and the tasks that I had to do today.During the day no images crept into my mind nor any cravings.If I can get through the rest of the week unscathed,good.I am hoping that I can get through the rest of the week.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work day went smoothly.I had quite a lot to do.I picked up four heaping bags of laundry and sorted everything out and started my job.I hung out at the social club for a while waiting for the first loads to get done.
After that,I started another load and I decided to pay more attention to my job before my lunch break.After lunch,I simply finished the hours and I read from my copy of "A Christian Perspective on Homosexuality" while waiting for the last loads to get done.After they were done,I dropped off everything that was clean at the rehab center and I headed for home.
When I got home,I saw that a package that I was expecting had come in.It was a four DVD set of the first two movies in the Japanese One Missed Call series.I did play the first one to check it out and it plays terrific.I have yet to try out the second one in the series and I am hoping that this will also play great.I relaxed for much of the afternoon and only did one errand for my mom before I ate dinner.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work and I also added another blog to my watch list.It is a People Can Change blog.I learned about this via a People Can Change online forum that I am a member of.I added it immediately.It is a new blog on Blogger and I am glad to have it on my watch list.
I also received some great news today.I heard on the news that the Same-Sex Marriage bill might not become law in New York state after all.It has passed the New York state assembly but now,it is in the hands of the New York state senate.So far,the vast majority of the NY state senate is opposing the bill,including George Maziarz,who also believes in traditional marriage.Not only that,a pastor named Gerry Gillis also supports the senate majority who are opposed and also hopes that traditional marriage is kept the way it is.I am also hoping that this happens.So far,So Good.Again,I hope that the bill doesn't become law in New York state.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I have nothing negative to report.I had a pretty good day and I kept busy all day with my job and it went well.I know that there is tomorrow and the rest of the week.I hope that I can get by unscated.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Monday, April 13, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was my day off.I didn't have too much to do today.I had breakfast and I did my personal PC work.After that,I got ready to do what I needed to do.
I had an appointment to day with a sexual abuse support counselor who I had worked with previously.Before heading for that clinic,I had to make a stop over at my doctor's office to inquire about getting a follow-up on my prescription for a blood pressure medication that I am currently taking.They told me that they would call it in before the end of the day but when I called the drug store,they informed me that nothing was called in at the moment.I am hoping that it will be called in soon.I would hate to be without the blood pressure medication that I need.I only have a few pills left and I am going to be needing enough to last me until the next appointment that I have with the doctor.I am going to call tomorrow and see if it has been called in.
My session with the sexual abuse support counselor went well.I told her what I had been doing for the past several months.I told her about the accident that I had in late November 2008,which was why I hadn't come to counseling for a few months.After the session,we made another appointment and I left the office.
On the way home,I stopped at my mechanic's garage so he could check on my wheel alignment.I had a problem trying to steer my 4X4 on Friday trying to go in another area of Western New York and he said for me to bring the vehicle over and have him check it out.After he drove it and checked the undercarriage,he told me that there was nothing wrong and that the reason why I had trouble was that it was windy on the day that I was trying to go out of town.I was relieved and I headed straight home.
I guess that I am still a little nervous after what had happened to me in November of last year.I was in a very bad accident that totaled my car and I had to get my 4X4 back on the road as a result,which took a little over two months and lots of expensive work.I am glad to be driving again but I need to take this slow.I guess that I need to work on my long distance travel and try to overcome the nervousness that I am still feeling as a result of the November accident.I know that I will be back to where I was before that happened but it will take some time to ease back into it.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had really nothing happen.No images or cravings came upon me and I feel pretty good.I know that there is tomorrow and the day after that and so on.I am hoping to get by unscathed this week.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter,Everybody!
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good holiday today.
When I woke up,I did my personal PC work and while doing that,I listened to a sermon online.It was really neat.It was all about the resurrection of Jesus Christ and what it truly meant and symbolized.I actually enjoyed listening to the sermon and I am looking forward to next week's.I am hoping that that it will be another wonderful one.
Despite some issues with the internet browser that I used,I finished the work and I closed off the internet after finishing.It was quite a lot to do and I am happy that I did it.
After that,I watched another episode of the classic Friday The 13th:The Series TV show.Since I really didn't have much to do,I just took it easy and I only ran a couple of errands.I had to pick up a couple of things that my mom and I needed.I also went to a local gas station to get some gas in my gas tank.
When I got home,I watched a little bit of TV as I eagerly awaited for dinner to get done.My mom was preparing dinner for the two of us as we decided to stay home for the holiday.
After eating,I registered a bill that I got in change from the gas station that I went to and I also went to check up on someone that I know to see how he was doing.I tried to call him up on the phone but I kept getting a busy signal,so I went to his house only to learn that he was sick from eating something.I told his visitor to wish him well on my behalf and he said that he would do that.I left and headed straight home after that.Overall,a pretty good day.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went great.It was yet another awesome night.I got a lot of positive responses from the crowd and it really made me feel good.I am looking forward to next Saturday night and I am hoping that next week goes as great as last night did.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems today.No images and no cravings came upon me.I managed to escape almost unscathed without acting out or even masturbating.The new week will be a new beginning and I am hoping that I can get through the week unscathed.I know that the struggles with SSA is no picnic but I have to keep trying.I need prayers and advice on how to keep myself together.
Before the evening is over,I am thinking of going out and having a drink with the guys at the place where I entertain and I am hoping to have some great talks with any guys that will be there.
Tomorrow is my day off.I do have an appointment with a sexual abuse support counselor tomorrow afternoon and I am hoping that the session goes well.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better than I did yesterday.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was a very busy day for me.After eating and doing my personal PC work,I ran to do a few errands today.
Firstly,I went to a public library to print a couple of articles to read during my spare time off the internet.I headed for home after that and I also stopped at a drug store to pick up some medication that my mom needed on the way there.
Second,I also went to a mom's friend;s house to pick up something that she had for mom and I brought it home.I laid down for a short time before taking a bath.
After bathing,I ate a light dinner and I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Today,weatherwise,was sunny and mild but a little chilly still.Since it was a nice day,I went out and did the errands and I enjoyed being out in the community.It was wonderful to be around people and to be out.As stated,I had a pretty good day and I enjoyed myself.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.No images creeped up into my mind nor did I have any cravings.Not only that,the best thing to happen was that I didn't hear anything about Same-Sex Marriage in the news.Though nothing new on that,I still need to be on guard and I need some advice on how I can weather the storm and manage my emotions during this time when they bring it back in the news again.If anyone out there can give me any advice on doing so,please do.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks in advance.
Tonight is my night to sing for the crowd.I am looking forward to that.I sing each and every Saturday and I always look forward to doing that.I am hoping for a wonderful evening.Though I rarely have an off night,I still hope for things to go well because you never know what might happen.I do have the feeling that everything will work out for me tonight.Still,I hope.
As for tomorrow,which is the holiday,I am going to be staying home tomorrow for dinner.I am really not planning to go anywhere.But if I do decide to go somewhere and do something,I hope that it give's me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for tonight and the holiday ahead.FJ

Friday, April 10, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.I had a pretty good day but I am feeling a little bit down.I am also feeling hopeful and optimistic.
Today was a day off for me.It was Good Friday today and though I had a day off,I still had quite a bit to do today.It was mostly personal stuff but I managed to get everything done.
First,I had to go to a local supermarket to pick up a few more extra things that we needed before the holiday.It was a pretty hectic day at the supermarket.There were a lot of people rushing to get some last minute things before the holiday arrives.It is only two days away and I am glad that this happens only once a year.I wouldn't want to go through this every day.It is just too stressful and hectic just trying to survive when a holiday weekend is upon us.
After dropping the groceries off at home,I registered some bills that I received after cashing my paycheck at the Where's George site and it was quite a lot.They are on the site as of now and I am going to be spending some of them bills tomorrow night when I go out to sing for my friends.I am looking forward to that tomorrow night.
After doing that,I decided to go to a library in another part of Western New York but changed my mind.I was feeling a little nervous while trying to drive out there and I decided to just go and pick up a couple of records that my record store friend was holding for me and head for home.Before going home,I decided to make one last trip to the supermarket and pick up something else for myself.
After getting home,I ate a light dinner and I decided to do some last minute personal PC work after eating.I also watched the season finale of Terminator:The Sarah Connor Chronicles.I have only more thing to do before calling it a day.
The reason why I am feeling mixed emotions is because I have been hearing so much about Same-Sex Marriage as of late.Today,I heard a little bit more regarding this and believe me,it is just weighing me down.I feel depressed and saddened by this very prospect because as I have stated previously,the institution of marriage is between a man and a woman and not the way that these so-called "Gay" activists want it to be.It's bad enough that these so-called "Gay" people believe all the lies that they are told relentlessly that they are "born that way" and that there is nothing they can do to change themselves.I am also fed up with the mental health profession also pushing forth these lies and encouraging those who are living in this sort of lifestyle to just go out and be what they are as well as be proud of it.This is not only WRONG but it is also not the way that it is intended to be.It really makes me angry that many people are believing these lies and are not pursuing the right roads.They believe the lies and then they believe more lies.I know that lies will always be spread no matter how hard the effort to suppress them.But it is just terrible that so many people would rather believe a liar than those who speak truth.
This whole thing is going to be a real test to my SSA struggles.I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride as of late and I am already reaching the height of the ride.I don't know when I am going down again.But when I do,anything can happen.I am just hoping that the governor of New York state and President Obama vetoes the Same-Sex Marriage bills so marriage can be kept between a man and a woman and not be changed to satisfy the political attitudes and beliefs of radicals trying to get their own way with the leaders who were either elected or who take over after the previous elected leaders resigned.
But as stated,I am feeling hopeful and optimistic.Despite my depression,I am glad that there are people who believe the truth and are fighting to keep traditional marriage legal.I just uploaded the link to the website for National Organization For Marriage and the commercial AD that they made on my blog.For those visiting,feel free to check them out.Again,I am glad that there are groups of people who believe the truth and are spreading the truth in the midst of this storm that is happening in front of us.Despite the lies,there is truth in the midst of the lies and it makes me feel better knowing that.My love goes out to those spreading the truth.
As I stated,I am going to go out and sing for my friends tomorrow night.I am hoping that the night goes well.As for the holiday,I am going to stay home and take it easy and try to make it a very good day.
That was my day today and my hopes for the upcoming weekend.FJ

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I simply did the required work that I had to do in the time that I had.After eating lunch,I bagged everything and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped and got some gas at a nearby gas station.I also visited a friend of mine who owns a record store in my hometown and I gave him some business by buying a couple of record albums.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and took it easy.I needed to sit down for a while before helping my mom with an errand.My mom needed to do some more grocery shopping before the holiday starts.That way,she has some stuff in the house for the holiday.
While my mom was grocery shopping,I decided to go to the local Wal-Mart to buy another movie.But I changed my mind and decided to go back to the store and check up on my mom to see if she was done with her grocery shopping.
After we got home and I unloaded the car,I went back out to get a 1/2 gallon of ice cream at another supermarket in the area because my mom forgot to pick up one at the store that she was shopping at.I headed back home to wait for dinner to get done.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.It was quite a lot of e-mails to read and I am glad to have gotten it done.I am now relaxing and I am anticipating the upcoming holiday weekend.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,there are being put to the test at the moment.I have been hearing in the news recently about the Same-Sex Marriage bill being presented to Congress and to the governer of my state,David Paterson.This is really going to be a very nerve wracking thing.I am hoping that the bill gets thrown out by Congress.If they pass the bill,which I hope does not happen,I hope that President Barack Obama vetoes the bill and that it doesn't become law.Not only that,I am also hoping that David Paterson doesn't make it legal here in New York state.That would be the "ULTIMATE" death knell in both the state of New York and the country.Same-Sex Marriage is not only WRONG,UNETHICAL & INNAPPROPRIATE,but the marital arrangemnet as a whole was not meant for this purpose.Marriage is a sacred vow and bond between a man and a woman,which is the way our creator intended.He never intended for marriage to be used in such a manner where two people of the same sex could become like a man and a women.Instead of it being "holy matrimony", it will be "unholy matrimony" and it would also be a travesty if this bill would ever get passed.If our founding fathers would ever have heard this going about,they'd turn over in their graves.They would have never intended for this to come to pass.Not only that,it was Adam and Eve who were made,NOT Adam and Steve.I am just hoping that this bill will either be thrown out or simply vetoed.Again,marriage is between a man and a woman and it should be kept that way.Again,it is the way that the creator intended marriage to be because he created the marital arrangemnet to be this way.I am going to need some support,prayers and encouragement because my SSA issues will be put to the test.Anger will also be aroused because it makes me angry that they are considering this and even trying to get this passed into law.Once again,I am hoping that this doesn't happen and I hope that marriage is kept the way it was originally intended.Again,I am going to need prayers,support and encouragement.I am hoping that I can get some of that.Thanks in advance for all of that.
Tomorrow is Good Friday.I have the day off and I have no plans at the moment.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.I will be singing over the weekend as usual.I am hoping that my night of entertaining goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the holiday weekend ahead.FJ

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up and that really made the day for me.After eating lunch at work,I sorted the laundry out at the worksite and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed a bit before helping my mom out on an errand.My mom needed to get some gifts for her great grandchildren for the Easter holiday and I had to take her to the store so she could get the things that she needed.I also had to pick up a few other things that my mom needed at other stores in the area while she was shopping.After we were done,we headed straight home again.
While we were home,I ordered a pizza over the phone at a local Pizza Hut and while we were waiting for the pizza to get done so I could pick it up,I registered a few more bills at the Where's George site and I went to pick up the pizza.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.Before the evening is through,I have to register some more bills at the Where's George.These are bills that we both got in change from shopping and the pizza.
The weather today was pretty fair.The rain that we were supposed to get didn't come.We still had some cold air in the atmosphere and we had some sunshine.Yesterday,because of the snow falling,I felt like putting in one of the Christmas specials that I have on DVD,but I didn't.The feeling was still there but I didn't give in.At least,we didn't get any more snow.I am hoping that this will be the last snowfall for a while until Winter returns.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode today.I had a pretty negative experience with a social club member.I printed a personal e-mail that a minister I have been conversing with about my SSA struggles and put it on a table face down.The social club member actually picked up and tried to look at it but I took it away from her and said that it was mine and she gave me a look of disgust.The anger I felt in a split second actually caused an immoral image to creep back into my mind.I left the place after tucking the e-mail in my bag.Despite the brief episode that I had,I didn't relapse and despite the anger,it also didn't lead to me acting out.I simply helped my mom out and I kept busy.I felt better after that.I am hoping that I can get through the rest of the week unscathed.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,I have a three day weekend coming to me.I have the day off on Good Friday and I am just going to take it easy.I might even pay a visit to a friend who I have been meaning to visit for quite a while but have been putting off.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work day went smoothly.There was quite a lot of laundry to pick up.The bags were really full.I had to make 2 trips to pick up the laundry today.After I started my job,I decided to hang out at the social club next door while waiting for the loads to get done.
After hanging out there for a while,I decided to concentrate more on my job and while waiting for the second loads to get done,I read from a new book that I just started about a week ago.The book is called "A Christian Perspective on Homosexuality" by Daniel Puls, which is published by Concordia House publishing.I have just started reading the book about a week ago and so far,it is a wonderfully written book.I even use my copy of the Life Recovery Bible when I look up scriptures.It is always wonderful to read on a subject from the perspective and style of another person who has been through the same issues.You can learn how they went through them and how they overcame them.Each and everything that I have read has really been a help.I have gained some new insights and I am looking forward to reading even more about the subject.The more I read.The more I learn.The next book that I am hoping to start reading is The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning.I purchased the book via Amazon.com on Monday and I am eagerly awaiting the book.I know that it will be a few days and again,I am hoping to start reading it the minute that I receive it.
After my job was done,I bagged what was clean and I dropped it off at the rehab center and headed for home before running another errand.
The errand that I ran was to pick up a few more things for my mom at a local supermarket.I managed to find everything that she needed and I also picked up a couple of things for myself. After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,we sorted everything out and I relaxed a bit while waiting for dinner.It was going to be a light dinner of leftover homemade chicken soup.We had a bitterly cold and snowy day today and my mom felt that a hot bowl of homemade soup was appropriate.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.I didn't get much of a chance to start it whiel on break from work because the social club was having computer problems with one computer.Apparently,a virus or some malaware had gotten into the system and they were working on getting rid of the infection.Nobody know how it got into the system and most of the day was spent working on getting rid of the infection.This is why I couldn't do very much and most of the time I just had to pay attention on my job and let the social club staff take care of the computer problem.But I am just glad to get my e-mails done and doing all the usual personal stuff that I needed to get done online.
I am still finding it hard to believe that we are in the season of Spring.Today,the weather was very December like.It was snowy,cold and a little windy.Fortunately,the roads for driving were not too slick.I managed to get to work and drive home unscathed.Tomorrow,we will be getting snow to start with before it turns into rain.The weather will be a little bit warmer but I won't be convinced that it's Spring until the really warmer weather arrives.
Right now,the weather is cold and windy but the snow has stopped falling for now.But I know that we will be getting more in the early morning hours.It wil be rainy for the rest of the day.Again,I will only be convinced that it's Spring when the really warmer weather arrives.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.No images creeped up into my mind today and there were no cravings to act out.I am glad that I made it through this day unscathed but I still have the rest of the week.I am hoping tyo make it through tomorrow without any issues and even the day after and so on.I still need to take this one day at a time.
I am also adding a new link.It is a link explaining the mission of PFOX.I am hoping that any visitors will check it out.It will explain what the organization is all about and I am also hoping that it helps shatters some of the myths caused by ignorance.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes well with no messes to clean up.I also have to help my mom out tomorrow after I am done doing a couple of things for myself after I do my job.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Monday, April 06, 2009

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was my day off.I ran a few errands today and that was it.First,I did my personal PC work and I set out about getting the errands done.Before even getting out,I was waiting for the mail to come,which was late as usual.I then set out to do the errands.
I went to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and I had lunch at a local shopping mall.Last but not least,I went to a local Wal-Mart to buy several personal items that I needed for the month.I managed to find everything that I needed and after the shopping was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered the bills at Where's George and headed back out again to buy a few snack wraps at a local Tim Horton's for dinner.My mom and I wanted to have something different from eating out rather than the usual burgers.It was really neat and we even had some onion rings as a side dish.After eating,I registered the change that I received at Tim Horton's at Where's George.
Right now,at the moment,the weather is snowing and a light wind is blowing outside.There is really no place to go as well as nothing to do when it is snowing where I am living.We started out having a light rain but it changed to snow when the evening was starting to get underway.I am now at home relaxing anticipating the new day as the snow is falling outside.It's hard to believe that we are in the Spring season but it doesn't even look or even feel like it.But overall,it was a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.There were no issues with unwholesome images or any cravings.Still,while I got through this day unscathed,there is always the next day and the day after that and so on.There is also the chance that they might bring up that dreaded Same-Sex Marriage issue in the news again,which is one of those triggers that really sets me off because of the way I feel about this particular subject area.I still need to be on guard and to be careful.Nobody said that the plight of a man struggling with SSA was going to be easy.While I have accepted that as a fact,there are times that I want to say "BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS!"I still need to take this one day at a time.I can never think of "never falling short,again", because I know that I can fall short anytime.I do wish that I never have to hear about Same-Sex Marriage in the news.But I know that it can come up in the news again.I just have to deal with this when it comes back.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ