Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,when I woke up,I had a quick breakfast and I did my personal PC work.After doing that,I decided to do a complete scan for viruses or spyware on my computer and it took a little over an hour and a half to complete.While waiting for the scan to complete,I watched an episode of Friday The 13th: The Series from the second season DVD set that I have. It was a wonderful episode.While watching,I also periodically checked my computer to see if anything was found by the anti-virus software that I use for my computer.The best news was that there were no security risks on my computer and that was great.I did one last night but I had to abort it when it was discovered that there were two security risks in my database.When I saw this,I turned off my system recovery and restarted my computer and it got rid of the risks.Today,there was nothing in my database and that really made my day.After doing a little bit more work,I closed the internet off and went on with my day.
I had to run a couple of errands during two separate times during the day.The first errand was when I went to a local Dollar General store to get my mom something and later on,I went to a local supermarket to get some Klondike bars.In between these,I stopped at a couple of garage sales and I bought a few things at one.I bought a couple pairs of shorts and a few golden oldie 45's.
When I got home,I bathed to get ready for going out tonight.I am looking forward to singing up a stoirm tonight and I am also going to be helping to celebrate the place's 9th anniversary and I am looking forward to that.I am hoping that the night will be a blast.I am also hoping that my entertaining the crowd will also go well.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.I also e-mailed a friend who I have been meaning to e-mail for the past two weeks.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems with images nor cravings.Nothing creeped up into my mentality today and that is wonderful.I am hoping to get through th erest of the weekend unscathed.
I have really no plans for the rest of the weekend but whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the rest of the weekend.FJ
Saturday, June 06, 2009
Friday, June 05, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty easy going day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I did my job in the amount of time that I had and when I was finished,I dropped off the clean laundry at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I dropped some of my personal stuff off and I headed back out.I went to the bank to cash my paycheck and to withdraw some money for my mom.I also went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After I was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I waited for dinner to get done.While waiting,I registered all the bills that I had on Where's George.It was a lot of money to register and all that money now on there.It only took me about 20 minutes to do so.I also did some personal PC work and watched some of the evening news before sitting down to eat.
After eating,I decided to do a little bit more personal PC work,including posting here.I plan on doing some internet browsing,including visiting YouTube and watching some videos on there.
At the moment,I am relaxing and taking it easy.I have really no place to go.There is also nothing to do in my hometown.
I am glad that the weekend is here.I will be singing up a storm tomorrow night and I am hoping for a wonderful evening.Tomorrow night is also a party night.The place where I am entertaining is going to be celebrating 9 years of business and I am looking forward to that.I am hoping that the party will be a blast.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I didn't have anything creeping into my mentality.I am hoping that the weekend will go smoothly where I will not have to deal with any images or cravings.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the weekend ahead.FJ
The work shift went smoothly.I did my job in the amount of time that I had and when I was finished,I dropped off the clean laundry at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I dropped some of my personal stuff off and I headed back out.I went to the bank to cash my paycheck and to withdraw some money for my mom.I also went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After I was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I waited for dinner to get done.While waiting,I registered all the bills that I had on Where's George.It was a lot of money to register and all that money now on there.It only took me about 20 minutes to do so.I also did some personal PC work and watched some of the evening news before sitting down to eat.
After eating,I decided to do a little bit more personal PC work,including posting here.I plan on doing some internet browsing,including visiting YouTube and watching some videos on there.
At the moment,I am relaxing and taking it easy.I have really no place to go.There is also nothing to do in my hometown.
I am glad that the weekend is here.I will be singing up a storm tomorrow night and I am hoping for a wonderful evening.Tomorrow night is also a party night.The place where I am entertaining is going to be celebrating 9 years of business and I am looking forward to that.I am hoping that the party will be a blast.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I didn't have anything creeping into my mentality.I am hoping that the weekend will go smoothly where I will not have to deal with any images or cravings.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the weekend ahead.FJ
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly despite a shaky start.I did what I had to do in the limited time that I had.After I was finished,I dropped the clean laundry off at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit.I had an appointmnet today with a skin doctor to have him examine me about a skin fungus that I have on my chest.He prescribed me a cream and a pill to take care of it and I will be seeing him again in four weeks.After the appointment,I walked around a mall that will be closing up soon and I wanted to walk through one last time before the closing.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that my mom needed.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while while waiting for dinner to get done.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.I also ran a couple more errands.Firstly,I went to a local drug store to pick up the prescriptions that I had dropped off earlier alongside a box of sleep tea.I also picked up a jar of tartar sauce for dinner tomorrow.I also visited with my sister for a while.After that,I headed straight home and I am here to stay.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I had no images or cravings creeping up into my mentality.I am feeling pretty good as a result.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow unscathed.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The work shift went smoothly despite a shaky start.I did what I had to do in the limited time that I had.After I was finished,I dropped the clean laundry off at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit.I had an appointmnet today with a skin doctor to have him examine me about a skin fungus that I have on my chest.He prescribed me a cream and a pill to take care of it and I will be seeing him again in four weeks.After the appointment,I walked around a mall that will be closing up soon and I wanted to walk through one last time before the closing.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that my mom needed.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while while waiting for dinner to get done.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.I also ran a couple more errands.Firstly,I went to a local drug store to pick up the prescriptions that I had dropped off earlier alongside a box of sleep tea.I also picked up a jar of tartar sauce for dinner tomorrow.I also visited with my sister for a while.After that,I headed straight home and I am here to stay.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I had no images or cravings creeping up into my mentality.I am feeling pretty good as a result.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow unscathed.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up,which really relieved me.I wasn't in the mood to clean up after people again.I simply took the only bag that was there and I headed for the work site.
Before sorting out the laundry,I had a light lunch.It only took me a few minutes to sort everything after I ate.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit before going out again to send a few bills out for my mom and to withdraw some money for her.After doing these things,I headed back home.
When I got home,I registered all the money that I withdrew over at the Where's George site and I also did some more personal PC work.
I had only one more errand to run.I went out to a local Wendy's to pick up a few chicken sandwiches and a couple of fries for me and my mom to eat for dinner.
After eating,I watched some of the local news before posting my day on here.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode early this morning.I was having a terrible dream where I was surrounded by men with huge erections all begging me for sexual favors.I was also experiencing a craving to masturbate to these images.Fortunately,I got up out of bed to use the bathroom and when I went back to bed,I had no problems.Still,those images were quite scary and I almost masturbated to this.I slept for a little over an hour after getting back into bed.
At the moment,I am having no temptation to view pornography online.This is making me feel good.As stated,I still need to be on guard because the temptation can come when least expected.I want nothing to do with pornography because as I stated a few days ago,"pornography is garbage".Still,I am just feeling greatful because I have no cravings to look at that pointless eye candy.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up,which really relieved me.I wasn't in the mood to clean up after people again.I simply took the only bag that was there and I headed for the work site.
Before sorting out the laundry,I had a light lunch.It only took me a few minutes to sort everything after I ate.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit before going out again to send a few bills out for my mom and to withdraw some money for her.After doing these things,I headed back home.
When I got home,I registered all the money that I withdrew over at the Where's George site and I also did some more personal PC work.
I had only one more errand to run.I went out to a local Wendy's to pick up a few chicken sandwiches and a couple of fries for me and my mom to eat for dinner.
After eating,I watched some of the local news before posting my day on here.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode early this morning.I was having a terrible dream where I was surrounded by men with huge erections all begging me for sexual favors.I was also experiencing a craving to masturbate to these images.Fortunately,I got up out of bed to use the bathroom and when I went back to bed,I had no problems.Still,those images were quite scary and I almost masturbated to this.I slept for a little over an hour after getting back into bed.
At the moment,I am having no temptation to view pornography online.This is making me feel good.As stated,I still need to be on guard because the temptation can come when least expected.I want nothing to do with pornography because as I stated a few days ago,"pornography is garbage".Still,I am just feeling greatful because I have no cravings to look at that pointless eye candy.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Tonight,I am again feeling mixed emotions.I had a pretty so-so day today.
The work day was fair.It started out pretty frustrating.When I went to the rehab center to pick up the laundry,I found that there was an unholy mess there.There was dirty laundry piled on top of more.This really set me off balance.The rehab center sent two people to help me pick it up but they were griping for much of the pick-up.I didn't say anything.I just did the clean up and didn't even bother complaining because complaining would not have done any good.I just wanted to get the laundry bagged and head over to the work site.
When I got to the work site,it took me 1/2 an hour to sort it.I started two loads and I headed over to the social club next door to hang out while waiting for the loads to get done.
During the wait for the second loads,I read another chapter in the book The Ragamuffin Gospel.This is a pretty fascinating book.It talks about the love of God through his son Jesus Christ and the grace that comes with it.I am enjoying this book immensely.After the second loads were done,I started another two loads and had lunch.
After I ate lunch,I decided to go and get some gas in my tank before finishing off the shift.It was pretty easy and the rest of the day went pretty fair.I was still feeling frustrated from that messy pick-up that I had to do and even hearing the negative complaints from the clients assigned to help me.I did tell the staff about it when I dropped off the clean laundry later in the day.Apparently,these people didn't like to be disciplined.
Oh Well!
Some people don't seem to realize that discipline is a part of life.Without it,where would we be?Even I get disciplined at times and even though the feeling isn't pretty,discipline helps mold you and it also helps make you a better person.It doesn't have to be liked.Just accept it and apply it to your life.
When I got home,I picked up a bag of my wet laundry after my mom did it early in the afternoon.I decided to take it to the laundromat and dry it and give my mom a break from hanging it up because she is feeling back pain at the moment.I was glad to do it.It only took 1/2 and hour to dry and after that was done,I headed over to the store to pick up a half gallon of ice cream.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.I also watched the evening news for a while after finishing it.Overall,a pretty so-so day that actually turned out fair.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had only a brief episode while my time on the job was winding down.The root cause of this was the frustration that I was feeling as a result of how the day started.When this happened,I hung out for a while at the social club next door and this helped alleviate the images that were clouding my head.The images disappeared and I was able to finish off the job today with no problems.
I still have to deal with the temptation to watch pornography while online.But I am handling that as it comes.At the moment,I am not tempted to do that but I know that the temptation can come when least expected and I have to be on guard.The minute that I am tempted,I simply close off the internet and I leave the computer alone for a while.This has been working,so far and I will find other ways to deal with the temptation in the near future.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes better than the pick-up today.I don't know what would happen if I encounter another mess.I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The work day was fair.It started out pretty frustrating.When I went to the rehab center to pick up the laundry,I found that there was an unholy mess there.There was dirty laundry piled on top of more.This really set me off balance.The rehab center sent two people to help me pick it up but they were griping for much of the pick-up.I didn't say anything.I just did the clean up and didn't even bother complaining because complaining would not have done any good.I just wanted to get the laundry bagged and head over to the work site.
When I got to the work site,it took me 1/2 an hour to sort it.I started two loads and I headed over to the social club next door to hang out while waiting for the loads to get done.
During the wait for the second loads,I read another chapter in the book The Ragamuffin Gospel.This is a pretty fascinating book.It talks about the love of God through his son Jesus Christ and the grace that comes with it.I am enjoying this book immensely.After the second loads were done,I started another two loads and had lunch.
After I ate lunch,I decided to go and get some gas in my tank before finishing off the shift.It was pretty easy and the rest of the day went pretty fair.I was still feeling frustrated from that messy pick-up that I had to do and even hearing the negative complaints from the clients assigned to help me.I did tell the staff about it when I dropped off the clean laundry later in the day.Apparently,these people didn't like to be disciplined.
Oh Well!
Some people don't seem to realize that discipline is a part of life.Without it,where would we be?Even I get disciplined at times and even though the feeling isn't pretty,discipline helps mold you and it also helps make you a better person.It doesn't have to be liked.Just accept it and apply it to your life.
When I got home,I picked up a bag of my wet laundry after my mom did it early in the afternoon.I decided to take it to the laundromat and dry it and give my mom a break from hanging it up because she is feeling back pain at the moment.I was glad to do it.It only took 1/2 and hour to dry and after that was done,I headed over to the store to pick up a half gallon of ice cream.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.I also watched the evening news for a while after finishing it.Overall,a pretty so-so day that actually turned out fair.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had only a brief episode while my time on the job was winding down.The root cause of this was the frustration that I was feeling as a result of how the day started.When this happened,I hung out for a while at the social club next door and this helped alleviate the images that were clouding my head.The images disappeared and I was able to finish off the job today with no problems.
I still have to deal with the temptation to watch pornography while online.But I am handling that as it comes.At the moment,I am not tempted to do that but I know that the temptation can come when least expected and I have to be on guard.The minute that I am tempted,I simply close off the internet and I leave the computer alone for a while.This has been working,so far and I will find other ways to deal with the temptation in the near future.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes better than the pick-up today.I don't know what would happen if I encounter another mess.I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, June 01, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling a lot better than I did yesterday.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today was my day off.I really didn't have too much to do.When I got up out of bed,I had a quick breakfast and I also did my personal PC work.I also did some internet browsing for a while.
I had only a few errands to run.Firstly,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that my mom needed and I also went to a local post office to mail out a bill payment that is due in a few days.I shipped it out Priority Mail so it will be there pretty quickly.I also put delivery confirmation on it so I can check the shipment of the payment in a few days to see if it got there.I also paid the friend that I visited yesterday another visit.We talked for a while before I headed for home.
On the way home,I had to make one more stop.I went to a local Dollar General store to pick up a roll of aluminum foil for my mom.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I decided to relax while waiting for dinner to be ready.I did some more internet browsing but closed off the internet when the temptation to visit a pornographic site was starting.That is one thing that I want to avoid.Pornography is garbage and that is all that it is.Garbage is one thing that I wouldn't want to put in my brain and pornography is mental garbage.I felt that closing off the internet was the best way to kill off the temptation to view pornography.
After eating,I eagerly awaited a phone call from a Christian counselor that I have occasional sessions with whenever I need to talk with him.
When he called,we talked for over 1/2 an hour.We did a little tapping exercise and I felt better.I had told him the story of the car accident that I was in back in late November and he guided me through the exercise and he continuously asked me about my anxiety levels at the time of the accident and the anxiety levels that I was feeling now when I was telling hom the story.He told me that I should say to myself "Despite what happened to me,I totally and completely accept myself." and to repeat it each and every time when something that is troubling me comes to mind.Aside from that,I told him about my depression yesterday and why I was feeling the depression that had enveloped me.He understood that those things can be depressing.Plus,the struggle to do the right thing amidst unnatural desires can also bring depression.I told the counselor everything and I left nothing out.When the session was over,I felt way better and much of the way I was feeling has been replaced with a better feeling of self worth.The counselor also advised me to call him when I really need to talk with him about something.I am glad that I can do that.Again,I feel better and I am hoping to carry this feeling into the rest of the week.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I can say that I am having no thoughts or desires regarding sexual relations with other men.I am not having any images of men nor any cravings to indulge in anything sexual with other men.I am feeling good as a result.I am hoping that I can get through the rest of the week with no problems.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today was my day off.I really didn't have too much to do.When I got up out of bed,I had a quick breakfast and I also did my personal PC work.I also did some internet browsing for a while.
I had only a few errands to run.Firstly,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that my mom needed and I also went to a local post office to mail out a bill payment that is due in a few days.I shipped it out Priority Mail so it will be there pretty quickly.I also put delivery confirmation on it so I can check the shipment of the payment in a few days to see if it got there.I also paid the friend that I visited yesterday another visit.We talked for a while before I headed for home.
On the way home,I had to make one more stop.I went to a local Dollar General store to pick up a roll of aluminum foil for my mom.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I decided to relax while waiting for dinner to be ready.I did some more internet browsing but closed off the internet when the temptation to visit a pornographic site was starting.That is one thing that I want to avoid.Pornography is garbage and that is all that it is.Garbage is one thing that I wouldn't want to put in my brain and pornography is mental garbage.I felt that closing off the internet was the best way to kill off the temptation to view pornography.
After eating,I eagerly awaited a phone call from a Christian counselor that I have occasional sessions with whenever I need to talk with him.
When he called,we talked for over 1/2 an hour.We did a little tapping exercise and I felt better.I had told him the story of the car accident that I was in back in late November and he guided me through the exercise and he continuously asked me about my anxiety levels at the time of the accident and the anxiety levels that I was feeling now when I was telling hom the story.He told me that I should say to myself "Despite what happened to me,I totally and completely accept myself." and to repeat it each and every time when something that is troubling me comes to mind.Aside from that,I told him about my depression yesterday and why I was feeling the depression that had enveloped me.He understood that those things can be depressing.Plus,the struggle to do the right thing amidst unnatural desires can also bring depression.I told the counselor everything and I left nothing out.When the session was over,I felt way better and much of the way I was feeling has been replaced with a better feeling of self worth.The counselor also advised me to call him when I really need to talk with him about something.I am glad that I can do that.Again,I feel better and I am hoping to carry this feeling into the rest of the week.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I can say that I am having no thoughts or desires regarding sexual relations with other men.I am not having any images of men nor any cravings to indulge in anything sexual with other men.I am feeling good as a result.I am hoping that I can get through the rest of the week with no problems.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.I had a pretty so-so day today.
I got up this morning and had a quick breakfast and I did my personal PC work.It was a lot more than I have had in the past several days but I managed to get it done.I also decided to cancel my membership to some of the Yahoo forums that I was a member of.I am hoping to reduce my e-mail load.I am still working on canceling my membership to other ones.It is going to take several days but I will get that accomplished.I just need to reduce my e-mail load a tad.
Today,I only ran a small errand.While doing that,I stopped over to see the friend that was supposed to celebrate his birthday but he canceled when a member of his girlfriend's family got hurt while playing in a high school football game.He did call me over an hour before I was supposed to pick him up.I only visited him because he called me and I promised that I would.He is doing okay.I am glad that he is.
The reason why I am feeling mixed emotions is because I am depressed.The main reason was last night's cancellation.I understand that what happened was crucial and it couldn't be helped.But I was hoping to have a good time with him and have a memorable night with a friend and his girlfriend celebrating.But this sudden turn of events really brought me down.Again,I understand that this couldn't be helped and I do sympathize and my heart goes out to him and his girlfriend.I am hoping that her relative gets over his injuries and that they are feeling better soon.It was great for me to talk with him today and see that he is alright.I do feel a little bit better as a result of talking with him,though I am still feeling the blues.I did explain to them how I am feeling and they said that it could also be a side effect of the psychiatric medication that I currently taking.I really don't know if that is contributing to this.Still,anything is possible.I am hoping that it isn't.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went well.Though I was feeling down as a result of my good friend canceling at the last minute.Again,I do sympathize and I don't hold it against him or even her.I had a good time but my depression really affected me and the good time didn't seem like a good time to me.I am hoping that I will be feeling better next week.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I think that this is another reason why I am feeling depressed.I haven't acted out in a long time and I haven't watched any pornography nor have I visited any pornographic websites in a long time.I want to do the right thing and stay away from any situation that might tempt me into acting out on these desires.I know that these desires are emotional in nature and I also know that acting out will never get me the fulfillment that I really need to keep going.But these desires are really strong and my cravings to act out are also strong.Still,I am not going to act out.I am not going to have anything sexual with men.I want to continue leaving the Gay(i.e.Homosexual) lifestyle behind and I am not going to let these desires run my life.I also know that I was sexually abused by other guys for their pleasure,including the time that I was raped by that man in my neighborhood when I was 16.There were also the other times that I was used by other guys for their pleasure and I still keep that in mind.Not only that,the physical,emotional and spiritual abuse that I suffered at the hands of my father was also the main root cause of my desires.I know the right thing to do and I am going to do that.I won't act out and I won't let the desires I have make my choices for me.I have made a choice not to act out and I am sticking to that.The only thing that I need to do is to continue seeking healthy relationships with other men.I am going to continue doing that until I do indeed find what I am seeking.I hope that I get there soon.
Plus,it is all this stuff about "Same-Sex Marriage" that is always in the news and hearing about two members of the same gender "getting married" like if they were a man and a woman.This really makes me sick.The institution of marriage was never meant to be this way because it was Adam and Eve that were created and not Adam and Steve.I know that I shouldn't let it bother me and I really don't want it to.But it really sickens me when I hear about this constantly.It is truly sickening to see two members of the same gender doing something that is strictly meant for a man and woman.If anyone out there has any advice on how I can deal with this effectively,I would appreciate some.I don't want to feel sad and/or depressed.I want to feel happy because of the freedom that I have from Homosexuality.Again,any advice would be strongly appreciated.
You know something,just sharing these feelings and thoughts on here has made me feel a lot better.Still,I would appreciate some advice on how to deal with this stuff.
I am thinking of going out to have a drink or two with the guys at the place where I entertain.I am hoping for some great talks with them.
Tomorrow is my day off.I am hoping that the day goes smoothly.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ
I got up this morning and had a quick breakfast and I did my personal PC work.It was a lot more than I have had in the past several days but I managed to get it done.I also decided to cancel my membership to some of the Yahoo forums that I was a member of.I am hoping to reduce my e-mail load.I am still working on canceling my membership to other ones.It is going to take several days but I will get that accomplished.I just need to reduce my e-mail load a tad.
Today,I only ran a small errand.While doing that,I stopped over to see the friend that was supposed to celebrate his birthday but he canceled when a member of his girlfriend's family got hurt while playing in a high school football game.He did call me over an hour before I was supposed to pick him up.I only visited him because he called me and I promised that I would.He is doing okay.I am glad that he is.
The reason why I am feeling mixed emotions is because I am depressed.The main reason was last night's cancellation.I understand that what happened was crucial and it couldn't be helped.But I was hoping to have a good time with him and have a memorable night with a friend and his girlfriend celebrating.But this sudden turn of events really brought me down.Again,I understand that this couldn't be helped and I do sympathize and my heart goes out to him and his girlfriend.I am hoping that her relative gets over his injuries and that they are feeling better soon.It was great for me to talk with him today and see that he is alright.I do feel a little bit better as a result of talking with him,though I am still feeling the blues.I did explain to them how I am feeling and they said that it could also be a side effect of the psychiatric medication that I currently taking.I really don't know if that is contributing to this.Still,anything is possible.I am hoping that it isn't.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went well.Though I was feeling down as a result of my good friend canceling at the last minute.Again,I do sympathize and I don't hold it against him or even her.I had a good time but my depression really affected me and the good time didn't seem like a good time to me.I am hoping that I will be feeling better next week.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I think that this is another reason why I am feeling depressed.I haven't acted out in a long time and I haven't watched any pornography nor have I visited any pornographic websites in a long time.I want to do the right thing and stay away from any situation that might tempt me into acting out on these desires.I know that these desires are emotional in nature and I also know that acting out will never get me the fulfillment that I really need to keep going.But these desires are really strong and my cravings to act out are also strong.Still,I am not going to act out.I am not going to have anything sexual with men.I want to continue leaving the Gay(i.e.Homosexual) lifestyle behind and I am not going to let these desires run my life.I also know that I was sexually abused by other guys for their pleasure,including the time that I was raped by that man in my neighborhood when I was 16.There were also the other times that I was used by other guys for their pleasure and I still keep that in mind.Not only that,the physical,emotional and spiritual abuse that I suffered at the hands of my father was also the main root cause of my desires.I know the right thing to do and I am going to do that.I won't act out and I won't let the desires I have make my choices for me.I have made a choice not to act out and I am sticking to that.The only thing that I need to do is to continue seeking healthy relationships with other men.I am going to continue doing that until I do indeed find what I am seeking.I hope that I get there soon.
Plus,it is all this stuff about "Same-Sex Marriage" that is always in the news and hearing about two members of the same gender "getting married" like if they were a man and a woman.This really makes me sick.The institution of marriage was never meant to be this way because it was Adam and Eve that were created and not Adam and Steve.I know that I shouldn't let it bother me and I really don't want it to.But it really sickens me when I hear about this constantly.It is truly sickening to see two members of the same gender doing something that is strictly meant for a man and woman.If anyone out there has any advice on how I can deal with this effectively,I would appreciate some.I don't want to feel sad and/or depressed.I want to feel happy because of the freedom that I have from Homosexuality.Again,any advice would be strongly appreciated.
You know something,just sharing these feelings and thoughts on here has made me feel a lot better.Still,I would appreciate some advice on how to deal with this stuff.
I am thinking of going out to have a drink or two with the guys at the place where I entertain.I am hoping for some great talks with them.
Tomorrow is my day off.I am hoping that the day goes smoothly.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
Today is Satrurday.I really didn't have too much to do.After getting out of bed,I had a light breakfast and I did my personal PC work.This time,I didn't have too much PC work to do.It only took me an 1/2 hour to get it done.After finishing,I browsed the internet for a while looking at some videos on YouTube and visiting Wikipedia and Muppet Wiki.I closed off the internet and had a light lunch.
I had only one small errand to run.It was to get a couple of things that my mom needed.After purchasing them,I stopped at the local Salvation Army thrift shop in the area before heading straight home.
When I got home,I browsed the internet for a while and I bathed afterwards while mom prepared dinner.It was a light dinner and I bathed quickly so I could be out when it was ready.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work.I had a few e-mails and I posted a message to a Yahoo group that I am a member of.I just wanted to get the message in before the end of the month.It is now in the group archive and I am glad to have gotten it in.I am hoping for some wonderful feedback from the other men in the forum.
Tonight,I am going to be entertaining the crowd.I am hoping for a wonderful evening.I will also be out with a friend celeebrating his birthday.I am hoping for a blast.Though the nights are usually pretty good,I always hope for a wonderful evening as you never know what might happen.I do have the feeling that everything will work out tonight.Still,I hope.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode early this morning while still in bed.I had a craving to manipulate my sexuality while in bed and the images of a sexual liaison with another man.It is a sexual affair that happened previously.It just repeated itself.Fortunately,I was able to stop it.I simply prayed hard about it and the images faded and I was able to rest for another hour before getting up to start the day.I am hoping that I can get through the rest of the weekend unscathed.
As for the rest of the weekend,I have no plans but whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the rest of the weekend.FJ
Today is Satrurday.I really didn't have too much to do.After getting out of bed,I had a light breakfast and I did my personal PC work.This time,I didn't have too much PC work to do.It only took me an 1/2 hour to get it done.After finishing,I browsed the internet for a while looking at some videos on YouTube and visiting Wikipedia and Muppet Wiki.I closed off the internet and had a light lunch.
I had only one small errand to run.It was to get a couple of things that my mom needed.After purchasing them,I stopped at the local Salvation Army thrift shop in the area before heading straight home.
When I got home,I browsed the internet for a while and I bathed afterwards while mom prepared dinner.It was a light dinner and I bathed quickly so I could be out when it was ready.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work.I had a few e-mails and I posted a message to a Yahoo group that I am a member of.I just wanted to get the message in before the end of the month.It is now in the group archive and I am glad to have gotten it in.I am hoping for some wonderful feedback from the other men in the forum.
Tonight,I am going to be entertaining the crowd.I am hoping for a wonderful evening.I will also be out with a friend celeebrating his birthday.I am hoping for a blast.Though the nights are usually pretty good,I always hope for a wonderful evening as you never know what might happen.I do have the feeling that everything will work out tonight.Still,I hope.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode early this morning while still in bed.I had a craving to manipulate my sexuality while in bed and the images of a sexual liaison with another man.It is a sexual affair that happened previously.It just repeated itself.Fortunately,I was able to stop it.I simply prayed hard about it and the images faded and I was able to rest for another hour before getting up to start the day.I am hoping that I can get through the rest of the weekend unscathed.
As for the rest of the weekend,I have no plans but whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the rest of the weekend.FJ
Friday, May 29, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I simply did what I had to do in the time that I had and when I was finished,I bagged everything and I dropped it off at the rehab center.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I dropped off some stuff of mine and I headed back out again to withdraw some money from the bank for my mom and myself as well as cash my paycheck.I also had to hurry because I had to get this money home.After the transactions were finished,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered the bills from my paycheck at the Where's George site and did some personal PC work while waiting for dinner to get done.
After eating,I registered some more of the bills at the Where's George site and did some more personal PC work.I am still not finished registering the bills.I am going to register the rest of the bills tomorrow.
I am glad that the weekend is here.I am looking forward to entertaining the crowd tomorrow night.Not only that,a friend of mine is celebrating a birthday tomorrow night.I am looking forward to celebrating with him and I am hoping that the night is a blast.I am also hoping that my friend enjoys his birthday tomorrow night.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a couple of brief episodes today.The first episode happened while I was doing my personal PC work this morning when images of me and another guy crept up into my mentality and I immediately got off the internet and shut the computer down.The ultimate irony is that I wasn't even watching any pornography online nor was I tempted to visit any sites.But I felt that temptation would rear it's ugly head if I didn't get off the computer and so,I closed off the internet and shut the computer down.The second episode happened while I was on the job.I was waiting for loads of laundry to get dried when the same images from this morning reemerged.It was something from my past when I was engaging in a sexual liaison with another guy.On both occasions,I prayed really hard to have the images removed.I repeated to the creator to help me remove these immoral images from my mentality and after repeating that,I felt better because they faded.I even asked that the creator forgive me on both occasions.I am feeling better now and I am hoping that I can get through the weekend unscathed.It is scary when something like that creeps up into your mentality when you least expect it.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the new weekend ahead.FJ
The work shift went smoothly.I simply did what I had to do in the time that I had and when I was finished,I bagged everything and I dropped it off at the rehab center.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I dropped off some stuff of mine and I headed back out again to withdraw some money from the bank for my mom and myself as well as cash my paycheck.I also had to hurry because I had to get this money home.After the transactions were finished,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered the bills from my paycheck at the Where's George site and did some personal PC work while waiting for dinner to get done.
After eating,I registered some more of the bills at the Where's George site and did some more personal PC work.I am still not finished registering the bills.I am going to register the rest of the bills tomorrow.
I am glad that the weekend is here.I am looking forward to entertaining the crowd tomorrow night.Not only that,a friend of mine is celebrating a birthday tomorrow night.I am looking forward to celebrating with him and I am hoping that the night is a blast.I am also hoping that my friend enjoys his birthday tomorrow night.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a couple of brief episodes today.The first episode happened while I was doing my personal PC work this morning when images of me and another guy crept up into my mentality and I immediately got off the internet and shut the computer down.The ultimate irony is that I wasn't even watching any pornography online nor was I tempted to visit any sites.But I felt that temptation would rear it's ugly head if I didn't get off the computer and so,I closed off the internet and shut the computer down.The second episode happened while I was on the job.I was waiting for loads of laundry to get dried when the same images from this morning reemerged.It was something from my past when I was engaging in a sexual liaison with another guy.On both occasions,I prayed really hard to have the images removed.I repeated to the creator to help me remove these immoral images from my mentality and after repeating that,I felt better because they faded.I even asked that the creator forgive me on both occasions.I am feeling better now and I am hoping that I can get through the weekend unscathed.It is scary when something like that creeps up into your mentality when you least expect it.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the new weekend ahead.FJ
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I simply did what I had to do in the amount of time that I had and after I was finished,I dropped everything off at the rehab center and headed straight home.
When I got home,I watched a little bit of TV and I laid down on my bed for over 1/2 an hour.After taking in the mail,I headed for the bank to withdraw some money.
After getting home and registering the bill that I withdrew,I tried to finish my personal PC work but I had an issue.The internet browser that I was using was constantly rebooting itself and I restarted my computer while I was eating.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work after it was finished restarting.Despite the issues,I managed to get it done.It was great to have finally gotten it done.I am going to do some browsing on the internet before turning in for the night.
Right now,weatherwise,it is raining.It isn't raining too hard.We started having a light rain shower but it turned heavy after a while.I am staying in for the night because there is no place to go when it is raining.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I have had no images nor cravings creeping up into my mentality.I am feeling pretty good as a result.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow unscathed.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The work shift went smoothly.I simply did what I had to do in the amount of time that I had and after I was finished,I dropped everything off at the rehab center and headed straight home.
When I got home,I watched a little bit of TV and I laid down on my bed for over 1/2 an hour.After taking in the mail,I headed for the bank to withdraw some money.
After getting home and registering the bill that I withdrew,I tried to finish my personal PC work but I had an issue.The internet browser that I was using was constantly rebooting itself and I restarted my computer while I was eating.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work after it was finished restarting.Despite the issues,I managed to get it done.It was great to have finally gotten it done.I am going to do some browsing on the internet before turning in for the night.
Right now,weatherwise,it is raining.It isn't raining too hard.We started having a light rain shower but it turned heavy after a while.I am staying in for the night because there is no place to go when it is raining.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I have had no images nor cravings creeping up into my mentality.I am feeling pretty good as a result.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow unscathed.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up and I wound up taking only a little bit.I sorted out the laundry after I ate lunch and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby Dairy Queen and bought an ice cream sandwich for a snack.I even ran into an old schoolmate of mine there and said hello.After finishing my snack,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I waited for my mom to get ready so we could go grocery shopping.
The grocery shopping went great.We managed to find everything that we were looking for with no problems.After the groceries were paid for,we headed straight home.We also wanted to get home because there was the possibility of a thunderstorm coming and we wanted to get the groceries home before it hit.Fortunately,the storm bypassed us but there is still the high possibility of rain tonight.My mom and I both relaxed for a while after we got home.
After eating a light dinner,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work and also browsed the internet by visiting some pages for my own personal research.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.There were no cravings or images creeping up into my mentality.I feel great as a result.I am also still hoping that the state of New York will uphold the traditional marriage bill and reject the Same-Sex Marriage bill.I even signed a few petitions online to urge my senators to keep marriage between a man and a woman.Why?Because there are no substitutes.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There were no messes to clean up and I wound up taking only a little bit.I sorted out the laundry after I ate lunch and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby Dairy Queen and bought an ice cream sandwich for a snack.I even ran into an old schoolmate of mine there and said hello.After finishing my snack,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I waited for my mom to get ready so we could go grocery shopping.
The grocery shopping went great.We managed to find everything that we were looking for with no problems.After the groceries were paid for,we headed straight home.We also wanted to get home because there was the possibility of a thunderstorm coming and we wanted to get the groceries home before it hit.Fortunately,the storm bypassed us but there is still the high possibility of rain tonight.My mom and I both relaxed for a while after we got home.
After eating a light dinner,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work and also browsed the internet by visiting some pages for my own personal research.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.There were no cravings or images creeping up into my mentality.I feel great as a result.I am also still hoping that the state of New York will uphold the traditional marriage bill and reject the Same-Sex Marriage bill.I even signed a few petitions online to urge my senators to keep marriage between a man and a woman.Why?Because there are no substitutes.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work day went smoothly.I simply did what I had to do in the amount of time that I had and when I was finished,I dropped off the clean laundry and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a few places that I needed to go.Firstly,I dropped off a newspaper at a couple of houses and while doing that,I stopped at the same dude's house that I had yesterday to talk with him again.It was yet another great conversation and I felt pretty good to have talked with him.The conversation only lasted a few minutes.It probably would have lasted longer but it was starting to rain and I had to head back out.On the way to drop off the second newspaper,I stopped for some gas.I headed straight home after dropping off the paper.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and took it easy.I also took a nap for a little over 1/2 an hour.After I woke up,I started to finish my personal PC work.Before I did,I was having some issues with the internet browser and I restarted the computer while I sat down to eat.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work after the computer was finished restarting.It was a lot but I got it done.
I did go back out to run a couple of errands.My mom needed me to buy some coffee and a box of hot cereal.I also stopped at the nearby Salvation Army thrift shop and I bought a couple of things.I also had to hurry because they were getting ready to close.I headed straight home after that.
I am now relaxing and getting ready for the new day.Overall,today was a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.There were no images nor cravings creeping into my mentality today.This is great that I didn't have anything to deal with regarding SSA.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow unscathed.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes smoothly.I also have to take my mom grocery shopping tomorrow to get some more groceries in the house.I am hoping that the day goes smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The work day went smoothly.I simply did what I had to do in the amount of time that I had and when I was finished,I dropped off the clean laundry and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a few places that I needed to go.Firstly,I dropped off a newspaper at a couple of houses and while doing that,I stopped at the same dude's house that I had yesterday to talk with him again.It was yet another great conversation and I felt pretty good to have talked with him.The conversation only lasted a few minutes.It probably would have lasted longer but it was starting to rain and I had to head back out.On the way to drop off the second newspaper,I stopped for some gas.I headed straight home after dropping off the paper.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and took it easy.I also took a nap for a little over 1/2 an hour.After I woke up,I started to finish my personal PC work.Before I did,I was having some issues with the internet browser and I restarted the computer while I sat down to eat.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work after the computer was finished restarting.It was a lot but I got it done.
I did go back out to run a couple of errands.My mom needed me to buy some coffee and a box of hot cereal.I also stopped at the nearby Salvation Army thrift shop and I bought a couple of things.I also had to hurry because they were getting ready to close.I headed straight home after that.
I am now relaxing and getting ready for the new day.Overall,today was a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.There were no images nor cravings creeping into my mentality today.This is great that I didn't have anything to deal with regarding SSA.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow unscathed.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes smoothly.I also have to take my mom grocery shopping tomorrow to get some more groceries in the house.I am hoping that the day goes smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, May 25, 2009
Happy Memorial Day,Everybody.
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
As stated,today is Memorial Day.A day to remember those who gave their lives to make sure that we have freedom.For me,I also use the day to remember those who were close to me who are no longer alive.I was actually remembering my grandfather today.He died when I was 6 years old.
Today,I went back to the community carnival and there were a lot more people there today then there were yesterday.I stopped there to get something to eat.After I ate the food that I got,I headed back out to a couple of stores to pick up a few more things that my mom needed.It was pretty easy finding what she needed and I was glad to be out in the community.I even stopped to talk with someone that I knew as he was busy painting his porch railings.He told me that he lost his job and that he was looking for another one.I wished him the best of success in his job search and I headed straight home.At the same time,I felt bad for him because he is out of work and I still have my job.Still,I meant it when I wished him the best of success in finding another job.I really hope that he does find a job and that he can find joy in working again.It was a pleasant conversation.
After I got home,I watched a little bit of a movie on a DVD that I have and I made my bed.I relaxed for a bit while waiting for dinner to get done after making my bed.
After eating,I did some last minute personal PC work and I also did some internet browsing.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems today,I didn't have no cravings nor did any images creep up into my mentality.I guess that by keeping myself occupied,I kept my mind off of sexual images of men.Still,I need to focus on forming healthy relationships with other guys.I did give another guy my phone number and I am hoping to hear from him soon.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
As stated,today is Memorial Day.A day to remember those who gave their lives to make sure that we have freedom.For me,I also use the day to remember those who were close to me who are no longer alive.I was actually remembering my grandfather today.He died when I was 6 years old.
Today,I went back to the community carnival and there were a lot more people there today then there were yesterday.I stopped there to get something to eat.After I ate the food that I got,I headed back out to a couple of stores to pick up a few more things that my mom needed.It was pretty easy finding what she needed and I was glad to be out in the community.I even stopped to talk with someone that I knew as he was busy painting his porch railings.He told me that he lost his job and that he was looking for another one.I wished him the best of success in his job search and I headed straight home.At the same time,I felt bad for him because he is out of work and I still have my job.Still,I meant it when I wished him the best of success in finding another job.I really hope that he does find a job and that he can find joy in working again.It was a pleasant conversation.
After I got home,I watched a little bit of a movie on a DVD that I have and I made my bed.I relaxed for a bit while waiting for dinner to get done after making my bed.
After eating,I did some last minute personal PC work and I also did some internet browsing.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems today,I didn't have no cravings nor did any images creep up into my mentality.I guess that by keeping myself occupied,I kept my mind off of sexual images of men.Still,I need to focus on forming healthy relationships with other guys.I did give another guy my phone number and I am hoping to hear from him soon.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling really good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was a great day to be out in the community.The city that I live in was having a carnival and I decided to go and check it out.After finishing my personal PC work,which included listening to another wonderful radio sermon online,I got cleaned up and dressed and I headed over there.
When I got there,I had a little lunch.I bought a slice of pizza,a bottle of water and a small serving of cheese fries.I even found a picnic table nearby so I could finish my food without walking around with it.I even had a talk with a guy who came to join me.It was wonderful to be out in the community and just be around others.Plus,the weather was nice and sunny with only a light breeze.I am going to go back there tomorrow and have lunch there again.Tomorrow,which will be Memorial Day,will be the last day for the community carnival.The weather tomorrow is also supposed to be nice and sunny.I hope that it will just as wonderful as it was today.
I also went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that my mom needed to round out the day.I was also fortunate to find everything that she had asked me to get.After paying for the items,I headed for home.I only made one more stop along the way and that was to get some gas in my gas tank.
When I got home,I waited for dinner to get done and while I was doing that,I browsed the internet and I watched some classic Sesame Street clips over on YouTube.I also watched a few other varied videos that were on there.
After eating a light dinner,I watched 60 Minutes.After doing that,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.While I was typing this,the phone rang and it was a friend of mine from out of town.It was a brief but great conversation.We talked for about a few minutes.Overall,a pretty good day.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went great.It was yet another aweome night.I also had a friend who came to join me and that even made it even more wonderful.I had a blast entertaining the crowd and I got some positive responses from the crowd.It was really neat and I am looking forward to next week.I am even thinking of going out to have a drink or two with the gang over at the place where I entertain and I am also hoping for some great talks with the gang there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I have no problems to report.I did not have any images nor cravings creeping up into my mentality today.I guess that just being out in the community today was what took my mind off of anything sexual with men.I feel great as a result.I am hoping to get through the new week unscathed.
Tomorrow is Memorial Day.I hope that the day turns out wonderful.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ
Today was a great day to be out in the community.The city that I live in was having a carnival and I decided to go and check it out.After finishing my personal PC work,which included listening to another wonderful radio sermon online,I got cleaned up and dressed and I headed over there.
When I got there,I had a little lunch.I bought a slice of pizza,a bottle of water and a small serving of cheese fries.I even found a picnic table nearby so I could finish my food without walking around with it.I even had a talk with a guy who came to join me.It was wonderful to be out in the community and just be around others.Plus,the weather was nice and sunny with only a light breeze.I am going to go back there tomorrow and have lunch there again.Tomorrow,which will be Memorial Day,will be the last day for the community carnival.The weather tomorrow is also supposed to be nice and sunny.I hope that it will just as wonderful as it was today.
I also went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that my mom needed to round out the day.I was also fortunate to find everything that she had asked me to get.After paying for the items,I headed for home.I only made one more stop along the way and that was to get some gas in my gas tank.
When I got home,I waited for dinner to get done and while I was doing that,I browsed the internet and I watched some classic Sesame Street clips over on YouTube.I also watched a few other varied videos that were on there.
After eating a light dinner,I watched 60 Minutes.After doing that,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.While I was typing this,the phone rang and it was a friend of mine from out of town.It was a brief but great conversation.We talked for about a few minutes.Overall,a pretty good day.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went great.It was yet another aweome night.I also had a friend who came to join me and that even made it even more wonderful.I had a blast entertaining the crowd and I got some positive responses from the crowd.It was really neat and I am looking forward to next week.I am even thinking of going out to have a drink or two with the gang over at the place where I entertain and I am also hoping for some great talks with the gang there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I have no problems to report.I did not have any images nor cravings creeping up into my mentality today.I guess that just being out in the community today was what took my mind off of anything sexual with men.I feel great as a result.I am hoping to get through the new week unscathed.
Tomorrow is Memorial Day.I hope that the day turns out wonderful.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was a very eventful day.I ran a few errands that needed to be run.Firstly,I ate breakfast when I woke up and I did my personal PC work.It was pretty much and I did get it done.I then set out to get on with the day.
I went out to do a little bit of shopping for my mom.I picked up a few items at a local supermarket and I managed to find everything that I needed to get.After getting these things,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a funnel that I needed because I had to put a quart of motor oil in my engine because I was a quart low.I only had to get one more thing at another local supermarket before I headed straight home.
When I got home,I bathed for a while and after bathing,I had a light dinner of soup and sandwich.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.I also registered some bills at the Where's George site.Overall,a pretty good day.
Tonight is my night to entertain the crowd.I am going to go out and sing and I am hoping for a good night.Though I rarely have a bad night,I still hope for things to go well.I do have a feeling that everything will work out for me.I will also have a friend join me for the evening.Again,I hope that everything will work out for me tonight.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I also had no cravings nor images creeping up into my mentality.That makes me feel good.I am hoping that I can get through the weekend unscathed.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the rest of the weekend.FJ
Today was a very eventful day.I ran a few errands that needed to be run.Firstly,I ate breakfast when I woke up and I did my personal PC work.It was pretty much and I did get it done.I then set out to get on with the day.
I went out to do a little bit of shopping for my mom.I picked up a few items at a local supermarket and I managed to find everything that I needed to get.After getting these things,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a funnel that I needed because I had to put a quart of motor oil in my engine because I was a quart low.I only had to get one more thing at another local supermarket before I headed straight home.
When I got home,I bathed for a while and after bathing,I had a light dinner of soup and sandwich.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.I also registered some bills at the Where's George site.Overall,a pretty good day.
Tonight is my night to entertain the crowd.I am going to go out and sing and I am hoping for a good night.Though I rarely have a bad night,I still hope for things to go well.I do have a feeling that everything will work out for me.I will also have a friend join me for the evening.Again,I hope that everything will work out for me tonight.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I also had no cravings nor images creeping up into my mentality.That makes me feel good.I am hoping that I can get through the weekend unscathed.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the rest of the weekend.FJ
Friday, May 22, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I did what I had to do in the period of time that I had.After finishing,I dropped everything off at the rehab center and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to cash my paycheck and to make a deposit into my account.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I had to pay for my anti-virus software subscription for another year and that is what the deposit was for.I renewed it before I ate dinner and now,I am all set for another year.
When I get home,I relaxed for 1/2 an hour on my bed.I had dinner shortly after getting up.
After eating,I registered all the bills that I had at the Where's George site.They are now all on there and I will be spending some of them tomorrow when I go out.
I am glad that the weekend is here.I am looking forward to going out tomorrow night and entertaining the crowd.I always look forward to singing up a storm each and every week.I will also have a friend join me for the night as well.I am hoping that the evening goes well.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I didn't have to endure any images or cravings.I feel pretty good as a result.I am hoping that I can get through the weekend without any issues.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the upcoming weekend.FJ
The work shift went smoothly.I did what I had to do in the period of time that I had.After finishing,I dropped everything off at the rehab center and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to cash my paycheck and to make a deposit into my account.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I had to pay for my anti-virus software subscription for another year and that is what the deposit was for.I renewed it before I ate dinner and now,I am all set for another year.
When I get home,I relaxed for 1/2 an hour on my bed.I had dinner shortly after getting up.
After eating,I registered all the bills that I had at the Where's George site.They are now all on there and I will be spending some of them tomorrow when I go out.
I am glad that the weekend is here.I am looking forward to going out tomorrow night and entertaining the crowd.I always look forward to singing up a storm each and every week.I will also have a friend join me for the night as well.I am hoping that the evening goes well.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I didn't have to endure any images or cravings.I feel pretty good as a result.I am hoping that I can get through the weekend without any issues.
That was my day today and my hopes for the start of the upcoming weekend.FJ
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty eventful day today.
The work shift went smoothly.I did what I had to do in the time that I had and after I was done,I dropped everything off at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I watched another episode of my After School Specials DVD set.I also had to get ready for my appointment with the sexual abuse support counselor and I managed to make it there on time.
The session went well.We talked a little more about the issues that I am struggling with.The new counselor wants to get to know me a little bit better and I am sharing with her everything that she would like to know.As stated,today's session went well and I was glad.After that,I headed back home.
On the way home,I stopped at the store to pick up something that my mom wanted me to get for her.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finished my personal PC work and I managed to get it done before I ate dinner.I also did a little bit of browsing online for a while before sitting down to dinner.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work before turning in for the night.Overall,a pretty eventful day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I had no images cloud my mentality nor did I have any cravings.I had a pretty good feeling and I am hoping to get through tomorrow without having to deal with that.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The work shift went smoothly.I did what I had to do in the time that I had and after I was done,I dropped everything off at the rehab center and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I watched another episode of my After School Specials DVD set.I also had to get ready for my appointment with the sexual abuse support counselor and I managed to make it there on time.
The session went well.We talked a little more about the issues that I am struggling with.The new counselor wants to get to know me a little bit better and I am sharing with her everything that she would like to know.As stated,today's session went well and I was glad.After that,I headed back home.
On the way home,I stopped at the store to pick up something that my mom wanted me to get for her.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finished my personal PC work and I managed to get it done before I ate dinner.I also did a little bit of browsing online for a while before sitting down to dinner.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work before turning in for the night.Overall,a pretty eventful day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I had no images cloud my mentality nor did I have any cravings.I had a pretty good feeling and I am hoping to get through tomorrow without having to deal with that.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty eventful day today.
The laundry pick-up went as smoothly as it could.There were no messes to clean up and after I ate my lunch,I sorted out the laundry at the work site before continuing on with my day.
The first thing that I did was that I went to the post office to mail out a couple of bill payments.They are no on the way and I am glad to get them out of the way.I headed for the doctor's office after that.
I was seen immediately after I arrived at the office.The doctor gave me a good review of my health and he advised to get some blood work done and to exercise more.I am hoping to get the work done soon.I know that it will be difficult but I do need to get it done.After the doctor,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and I went to the store to get a gallon of milk.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I registered the money that I withdrew at the Where's George site and I relaxed a bit while listening some music after making my bed.
I only ran one more errand before calling it a day.I went to a local Subway to pick up a footlong club sandwich for me and my mom to eat for dinner.It was great to have a fresh sandwich to eat for dinner.It was also very filling and delicious.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.Overall,a pretty eventful day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode.I was having visions of me having sexual relations with another man and I wound up masturbating to the images.I did ask for forgiveness after it was done and I did feel better.I guess what led up to this was that I was a little bit nervous about my medical check-up.I really didn't know what to expect.The nervousness led me to let my mind wander and I gave in.Oh well!I guess that it is back to square one.I am just hoping that I can get through the rest of the week unscathed.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The laundry pick-up went as smoothly as it could.There were no messes to clean up and after I ate my lunch,I sorted out the laundry at the work site before continuing on with my day.
The first thing that I did was that I went to the post office to mail out a couple of bill payments.They are no on the way and I am glad to get them out of the way.I headed for the doctor's office after that.
I was seen immediately after I arrived at the office.The doctor gave me a good review of my health and he advised to get some blood work done and to exercise more.I am hoping to get the work done soon.I know that it will be difficult but I do need to get it done.After the doctor,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and I went to the store to get a gallon of milk.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I registered the money that I withdrew at the Where's George site and I relaxed a bit while listening some music after making my bed.
I only ran one more errand before calling it a day.I went to a local Subway to pick up a footlong club sandwich for me and my mom to eat for dinner.It was great to have a fresh sandwich to eat for dinner.It was also very filling and delicious.
After eating,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.Overall,a pretty eventful day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode.I was having visions of me having sexual relations with another man and I wound up masturbating to the images.I did ask for forgiveness after it was done and I did feel better.I guess what led up to this was that I was a little bit nervous about my medical check-up.I really didn't know what to expect.The nervousness led me to let my mind wander and I gave in.Oh well!I guess that it is back to square one.I am just hoping that I can get through the rest of the week unscathed.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a really good day today.
The work day went smoothly.It was a breeze despite a shaky start with the laundry pick-up.After sorting everything out at the work site,I started a couple of loads.After parking my vehicle in a safe area,I hung out at the social club for a while waiting for the loads to get done.
For much of the day at the social club,they were watching some animated movies to pass the time and it was pretty quiet for a change.There were no fights nor people getting on other's nerves.I am not going to go as far as to say that the day was perfect because there really is no such thing as a perfect day.The lunch hour was equally quiet and they were some great talks with the people.After my work was finished,I bagged everything that was clean and I dropped it off at the rehab center.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I was delighted to see a package that I was waiting on.It is another two bottles of the calcium supplements to help take care of the bone spur that I have in my right foot.They have been doing great as I have not felt any extreme pain in my right foot.After dropping off some stuff,I headed to a nearby supermarket to buy some bagels.
After getting back home,I relaxed and I watched another After School Special on the DVD set that I recently bought.It was wonderful.I relaxed for a while while waiting for dinner to get ready.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.It was quite a lot but I got it done.I also had to make some changes in regards to some of the forums that I am a member of in order to reduce the amount of e-mails that I receive.After finishing,I went out for a while.
I went to a local Dairy Queen and had a dipped cone and I also went to the local Wal-Mart to buy some new underpants.I was running low and I wanted to make sure that I had some extra until the next wash day.I headed for home and that is where I am staying for the night .Overall,a very good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I had no images nor cravings creep up into my mentality.I feel great as a result.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow unscathed.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes well.I also have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I am hoping that I get a good report.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The work day went smoothly.It was a breeze despite a shaky start with the laundry pick-up.After sorting everything out at the work site,I started a couple of loads.After parking my vehicle in a safe area,I hung out at the social club for a while waiting for the loads to get done.
For much of the day at the social club,they were watching some animated movies to pass the time and it was pretty quiet for a change.There were no fights nor people getting on other's nerves.I am not going to go as far as to say that the day was perfect because there really is no such thing as a perfect day.The lunch hour was equally quiet and they were some great talks with the people.After my work was finished,I bagged everything that was clean and I dropped it off at the rehab center.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I was delighted to see a package that I was waiting on.It is another two bottles of the calcium supplements to help take care of the bone spur that I have in my right foot.They have been doing great as I have not felt any extreme pain in my right foot.After dropping off some stuff,I headed to a nearby supermarket to buy some bagels.
After getting back home,I relaxed and I watched another After School Special on the DVD set that I recently bought.It was wonderful.I relaxed for a while while waiting for dinner to get ready.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.It was quite a lot but I got it done.I also had to make some changes in regards to some of the forums that I am a member of in order to reduce the amount of e-mails that I receive.After finishing,I went out for a while.
I went to a local Dairy Queen and had a dipped cone and I also went to the local Wal-Mart to buy some new underpants.I was running low and I wanted to make sure that I had some extra until the next wash day.I headed for home and that is where I am staying for the night .Overall,a very good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had no problems.I had no images nor cravings creep up into my mentality.I feel great as a result.I am hoping that I can get through tomorrow unscathed.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up goes well.I also have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I am hoping that I get a good report.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, May 18, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty good day today.
Today was my day off.I had a couple of things that I needed to do today.Before I did these necessary things,I had a light breakfast and I did 1/3 of my personal PC work.I had an appointment with the medication manager over at the local hospital and I spent some of the time preparing for that.I had to clean up and get ready.I also had to make sure that I left at a time when I would arrive on time and not have too long to wait.
When I got to the hospital,I had lunch in their cafeteria and I went to the waiting room to wait.Fortunately,the medication manager met with me early so we delved into what we needed to talk about the minute that we were in her office.
The session went great.We talked about a lot of things and it was great to get what I wanted to get off of my mind.After the session was over,I left the hospital and headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money and I went to a nearby supermarket to pick up a few things.After I was done with the shopping,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I decided to lay down for a while.I rested for a little over an hour and I felt refreshed.After getting up,I registered the change from shopping at the Where's George site before eating dinner.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.I also did a little bit of browsing online for a while.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode while I was taking a nap.Images of men crept up into my mind and I was tossing and turning to try to rid myself of them.I decided to get up and use the bathroom(which is what I had to do anyway)and get back into bed.This worked.I slept for a while and no more images crept up into my mentality.I felt refreshed and rejuvenated.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today was my day off.I had a couple of things that I needed to do today.Before I did these necessary things,I had a light breakfast and I did 1/3 of my personal PC work.I had an appointment with the medication manager over at the local hospital and I spent some of the time preparing for that.I had to clean up and get ready.I also had to make sure that I left at a time when I would arrive on time and not have too long to wait.
When I got to the hospital,I had lunch in their cafeteria and I went to the waiting room to wait.Fortunately,the medication manager met with me early so we delved into what we needed to talk about the minute that we were in her office.
The session went great.We talked about a lot of things and it was great to get what I wanted to get off of my mind.After the session was over,I left the hospital and headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money and I went to a nearby supermarket to pick up a few things.After I was done with the shopping,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I decided to lay down for a while.I rested for a little over an hour and I felt refreshed.After getting up,I registered the change from shopping at the Where's George site before eating dinner.
After eating,I finished my personal PC work.I also did a little bit of browsing online for a while.Overall,a pretty good day.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I had a brief episode while I was taking a nap.Images of men crept up into my mind and I was tossing and turning to try to rid myself of them.I decided to get up and use the bathroom(which is what I had to do anyway)and get back into bed.This worked.I slept for a while and no more images crept up into my mentality.I felt refreshed and rejuvenated.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
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