Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though still a rocky road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to get ready for the day.I had a lot planned and I wanted to get everything accomplished.
I first went to the public library to do some printing.After that was done,I headed over to a friends place in another part of the county to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery,though it is rocky,continues onward.It isn't easy trying to cope with bipolar depression and it's symptoms.It is just that it is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride that doesn't want to end.On certain days,I am up and feeling good.But on other days,I am feeling down and not so good.I just don't know what mood I will be in as the days continue.Aside from dealing and struggling with bipolar depression,I also have to deal with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have,which makes it all even tougher.Somehow,I am managing and that is good.I am still continuing my therapy sessions and I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a morning erection.It was also another throbbing one.As with the erection that I had yesterday morning,I had to really fight this one,though the tossing and turning that I was doing wasn't helping.I simply got up and sat up for a while and since I had to use the bathroom,I headed over to it and the erection died down.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out in other ways,aside from seeking a male partner out to act out with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to continually keep in mind that acting out,no matter what type of acting out it is,will never give me what I need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that are a part of that affirmation.I want to be and feel like A MAN.I want to be the man that God intended me to be.I know that God never intended for me to be Homosexual as many of those ignorant so called "Homosexual/Gay" activists claim.I also have to continually keep in mind that masturbation will never connect me with my lost maleness as it will only reinforce the Homosexual identity.Masturbation is a very unclean and dirty habit.Though I did get a suggestion from a follower and I have been applying it,I am still open to any other suggestions.Please share with me what has worked for you.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have church as usual and the usual Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the service.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,though still rocky.I had a very good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had some stuff that I needed to do and I wanted to get them accomplished.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that my mom needed.After that,I headed straight home to drop off the stuff and I relaxed for a while before going to the next thing on my agenda,which was a meeting with the pastor of the church in the late afternoon.I wanted to be ready for that as I did have lots to talk with him about.
The meeting with the pastor was wonderful.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I watched some TV and relaxed.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good day.
My road to recovery still continues to move forward,but it is a very rocky road at that.I am still having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of bipolar depression.I don't know when I will be up and feeling good or when I will be down and feeling bad.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride.I don't know what my mood will be like as I am continuing to deal and struggle with all of this.Plus,I also have to deal with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.It is never an easy thing to deal with.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult.The only things that I can continue to do is to continue taking my medication as directed and continue with my therapy sessions.I am just hoping that my recovery will start improving soon and that I will have some days when I will be feeling good.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a morning erection.It was also another throbbing one.This time around,tossing and turning wasn't working.So,I decided to get up and walk to the bathroom since I had to use it.The erection died down while walking there and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on my desires in other ways aside from seeking a male partner to act out with can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to work on keeping myself stronger and to continue to work on resisting the temptation to act out by masturbating because masturbation only reinforces the Homosexual identity and keeps me father away from what I am truly seeking,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I want to be A MAN and and what God intended me to be.I know that God didn't make me Homosexual as God condemns the sexual activity associated with Homosexuality.The Holy Bible says that it is sinful and that it's also inappropriate as God made man and woman and not the way that the so called "Homosexual/Gay" culture portrays it.Though I have been applying the advice of one of my followers,I am still open to other suggestions or advice on how I Can continue to resist the temptation to act out in other ways aside from seeking male partners out for the purpose of acting out sexually with them.Thanks in advance for any help.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rocky road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a few things planned for today and I wanted to get them accomplished.
I first had a spirituality group that I needed to attend.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there and arrived there half an hour ahead of time.
The group was wonderful as I got a lot out of it.After the group,I headed over to a local community kitchen to have lunch.After lunch,I headed for a friends house to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things that my mom wanted me to get.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff away and I relaxed for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward despite the road being rocky.I am still having to deal with the symptoms and the continuous emotional roller coaster ride of bipolar depression(BPD).It is always a rough road.I have to put up with all of this on a one day at a time basis.I don't know what my mood will be day after day.Aside from the BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have,which makes it even rougher.Plus,it also doesn't make my struggle with SSA any easier.The only things that I can continue doing is to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my recovery will start to improve very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really fight this one.I aggressively tossed and turned until the erection died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful.I never know when the temptation to act out in any way,other than seeking a male partner out to act out with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I will just have to muster all the strength that I have to resist the temptation to masturbate any erection away or to simply do it for the sake of doing it.Though I did get some good advice from a follower and I am using it,I am still open to any suggestions or advice on how I can continue to resist.I would like to know what has worked for any or all of those who have been reading.Thanks in advance for anything shared.
Tomorrow,I have another meeting with the pastor and I am hoping that it goes well.As for the rest and most of the day,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a few things planned for today and I needed to get them done.
I first headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that my mom needed for the home.After paying for those items,I dropped them off at home and I headed over to the eye doctor's office as I had an appointment with him today.I arrived and I waited for a short time.
The examination went well.After getting a good report,I headed straight home as I wanted to make sure that my eyes felt better before doing anything else.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.I had to rest my eyes after all of that examination.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,but I am still encountering a rocky road.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression(BPD).I am still dealing with the emotional roller coaster that I am always on.One day,I can up and feeling good.The next day,down and not so good.This happens on a daily basis and I have to deal and struggle with this day after day.Aside from the BPD,I also have to deal with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that can make my struggles with BPD really difficult as I also have to put up with hearing sounds that nobody else hears around me.It is,at times,unbearable.I still hang in there and I try to live day to day.I still attend my therapy sessions.I also still take my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start to improve soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I got a double whammy in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by two morning erections at two separate intervals.The first one was a really hard one and was also a throbber.I had to really toss and turn aggressively until it died down.The second one,which happened not to long after,was another really hard one and this time,tossing and turning didn't help to soften my genitals.I had to go to the bathroom and when I got up to walk to the bathroom,my genitals softened.After that,I slept for a little while longer.Though I escaped these two episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking a male partner to act out with,will rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter how I do it,will never give me the affirmation of my gender identity nor the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Acting out,no matter what form of acting out it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity.Acting out by masturbation or any other ways,aside from seeking male partners to act out with,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and keep me even further away from attaining that lost maleness that I really need to attain and to feel like A MAN and also,a man among men.Plus,my struggles with BPD make the struggle with SSA even more difficult as well,alongside the schizophrenic tendencies that I have as well.Again,though I did get some good advice from a follower,I am still open to any more.Thanks in advance for any help.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rocky road.I had a pretty good day.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual breakfast and 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only a few things planned today.I first went to the bank to withdraw some money for myself and afterwards,I went home to register the bills.After that,I headed downtown to the hospital for my appointment with the nurse practitioner.
The session went well.After that was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
Later on,I went back out to get dinner for me and my mom.My mom and I had a submarine sandwich each from Subway.The sandwich was delicious.After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward though the road is still a rocky one.I am still having to put up with bipolar depression and it's symptoms.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having bipolar depression.It is never an easy thing to deal with.Aside from this,I also have to put up with schizophrenic tendencies alongside the bipolar depression and that even makes it more difficult.It also makes the healing process from SSA also more difficult.The only things that I can do is continue to attend my therapy sessions and to continue taking my medication as directed.I just hope continually that my recovery will start to improve very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.I was tempted to grab my genitals and masturbate the erection away as that was my old way of dealing with this.But now,my priorities have changed as I don't want to masturbate anymore.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity as masturbation is a form of acting out on my desires whether it is emotional,sexual or both.Masturbation will also never give me what I want and need,such as the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.It is really becoming difficult to resist the temptation to masturbate because an erection,especially one that you get in the wee early morning hours that wakes anyone out of a deep sleep.Plus,sexual thoughts of men can sometimes cloud my mind as a result of me having that erection.I have been applying the advice given to me by a follower,but I am still open to anymore suggestions or ideas as to how I can continue to resist the temptation to act out by masturbating.Thanks in advance for any help.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my eye doctor.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rough one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and the usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I hurriedly did my personal PC work and I got dressed for the day as I had a group meeting that I needed to attend and I also had to do a couple of other things.
The group meeting was wonderful.After that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things and after paying for those,I headed over to the bank to make a deposit.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward despite a rough road.It is just the struggle that one must go through when they are suffering from bipolar depression and they have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with this.One day,my emotional state could be up and good while the next day,it could be down and bad.I have to put up with this on a daily basis.Aside from bipolar depression,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside that.I always have to put up with me hearing things that nobody else hears and always looking over my shoulder when I hear these things.It is really a difficult thing to put up with each and every day.The only things that I can do is to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I just hope that my recovery improves soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night by masturbating.I really felt miserable afterwards as I felt that I failed my creator as a result of me giving into this temptation.Then,in the wee early morning hours,I was again tempted to masturbate when I was awakened by another erection.This was also another throbbing one and I didn't want to give into this temptation so I simply tossed and turned and simply tried to keep my hands to my sides to resist,though it wasn't an easy one.I have been really tempted this time around many times and I really don't know why.I don't want to act out in any way,shape or form anymore as acting out won't give me what I want.I want affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I want to be A MAN and want to feel like A MAN.These terrible desires are really overwhelming at times and I at times really don't know if I am coming or going.Though I did get a suggestion from a follower,I am still open to anything else.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have to see the nurse practitioner over at the local hospital.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though still rocky.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my breakfast and had three cups of coffee to wake me up as I was still feeling sleepy.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and headed for church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service went wonderfully.After some fellowship with everyone afterwards,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas in my tank.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.I did my personal PC work after that.After that was done,I had a light lunch and decided to relax for a while.
While relaxing,I popped a DVD in and I continued relaxing.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
My recovery continues onward despite the road being rocky.It all shows that the struggle to deal with the symptoms of bipolar depression is really a very difficult one indeed.I never know how my mood will be one day or the other.I don't know if I will be up one day or if I will be down the other day.It is simply an emotional roller coaster ride that keeps going on a continuous cycle.Aside from the bipolar depression,I also have to deal and even struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have alongside.It is really a struggle to stay focused on reality and also,to stay focused on what is around you.I do at times hear things that nobody else hears like footsteps,my name being called by others who aren't there or just trying to say something negative or when it wants to engage you in conversation.It is really a tough thing.The only thing that I can continue to do is continue attending my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one as well.I had to really and aggressively fight this temptation as it was really a very difficult one to resist.I had to really and aggressively toss and turn around until the erection died down.An few hours later,I had to get up to bathe anyway to get ready to go to church,so I just slept soundly until then.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking male partners to act out with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I will just have to keep fighting the temptation and to continue to stay strong when the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form comes around.Though I have gotten a very good suggestion from a follower,I am still open to any other suggestions,advice and/or ideas on how I can continue to resist.Thanks to all who help.
Tomorrow,I have a group meeting that I must attend.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery pushes forward amidst a rocky road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a couple of things planned and I wanted to get them accomplished.
I first went to the Best Buy in the next county to return a DVD that was sent to me that I didn't order.Well,it was a particular one,but it was the wrong edition.After working out some stuff with the people over at the store,where hopefully,I will get the edition that I really want,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that was needed for the home.After paying for that item,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work and watched a DVD as well.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to move forward,though it is still a very rocky road,as I am still having to put up with the symptoms of bipolar depression.As I stated previously,I never know when my mood will be up or when my mood will be down.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride.I just wish that my mood could be up daily rather than down much of the time.I really hate that I am struggling with this and also,I have to struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.It is really a struggle putting up with all of this stuff.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out by masturbating three times in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections.This is the first time in quite a long time that I had more than two erections in the wee early morning hours.I really had to fight these temptations really hard.An erection really makes it tough to resist the temptation to masturbate,especially when it was my old way of getting rid of the erection in the first place.I am trying to show my body that I own it and not it owning me.I simply had to toss and turn on all three occasions to resist the temptations to masturbate and all three times,I was successful,though it wasn't easy.Though I escaped these episodes,I know that the temptation to act out by masturbation or in other ways,other than seeking a male partner out to act out with,will rear it's ugly head when least expected.It's bad enough that I am putting up with the emotional roller coaster of bipolar depression and with the struggles that I have regarding SSA,it really makes it difficult for me to resist any temptation to act out in other ways aside from searching for male partners to act out sexually with.I will just have to work on staying strong and work on staying strong when the temptation hits again.It won't be easy,but I know that I can do it.Again,advice or suggestions are welcomed.
Tomorrow morning,it will be church as usual.After that,I have made no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery still continues,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I hurriedly did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the the rest of the day as I had some stuff planned.
I first headed over to the bank to withdraw some money.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that my mom had a coupon for.After that,I headed over to the drug store to pick up a couple of prescriptions that my mom really needed.After paying the co-pay on these,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I had a meeting with the pastor planned and I wanted to be ready for it.When the time was nearly there,I headed over to the church to meet with the pastor as I had a lot of things that I needed to talk about.
The meeting with him was wonderful.I did get a lot out of that.After the meeting,I eagerly awaited the charity spaghetti dinner that the church was having.I was looking forward to this all week.
The dinner was also wonderful.I had some wonderful fellowship with the people who were also at the dinner.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed as I was there to stay for the rest of the night.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery still continues,though it is still rocky,but I am still having to deal with the symptoms of bipolar depression as I never know what to expect next.I can be up and feeling good one day,while the next day,I could be down and feeling not so good.Again,I can never anticipate nor predict how my mood will be as it is an emotional roller coaster ride that is unpredictable.Today,I am right in the middle as one side of me feels good but the other feels bad.I wish that I could feel good most of the time rather than feel good one day and bad the next day.Aside from that,I am also dealing with the schizophrenic tendencies alongside the bipolar depression.I am still having to contend with hearing things that nobody else hears,such as footsteps,voices calling my name and there is nobody around as well as hearing other sounds that I can't even decipher.The only thing that I can continue to do is to continue taking my medication as directed and continue with my therapy sessions.I just hope and will continue to hope that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours by masturbating an erection away.I really felt miserable after it happened as I am trying to resist the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking a male partner out to act out with.I don't want to act out anymore as acting out will never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with it.This is the second consecutive time that I have given into this terrible,disgusting,dirty and unclean habit.I don't want to masturbate or act out in other ways anymore as I want to be A MAN and be a whole man.I don't want to reinforce the Homosexual identity anymore as masturbation will only do that.I also no longer want to find men sexually attractive as men are supposed to find women sexually attractive.I want to be a whole man and I want to be a masculine man as sexual relations with other men will never get me the affirmation of my gender identity that I am truly seeking and not reinforcement of the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to disown and overcome as God never intended for men to have sexual relations or activity with each other.God made man and woman for a reason.Though I did get a suggestion from a fellow follower,I am still open to any more ideas or suggestions.Thanks in advance for sharing them.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in mid morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I immediately got dressed.I had a few things planned for today and I wanted to get them done.
I first had a spirituality group that I needed to attend.I needed to get a lot more out of this as I did the previous week.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I left to go to a local community kitchen to get a light lunch.After lunch,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that was needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a movie while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while.I also did some more personal PC work and did some recommended readings of the Holy Bible and some stuff that I have also been studying.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues,but it is still a very difficult road.I am still having to put up with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the up and down emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.I don't know which days that I will be up or which days that I will be down.Aside from that,I also have to endure the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.I have to put up with hearing things that nobody else hears.The worst part is not really putting up with the symptoms of each of these disorders.The worst part is putting up with the ignorance of the public who have a lot of nasty things to say about those who have to endure and suffer mental illness.The public continually calls us names like freak,freakazoid,crazy,stupid,airhead and lots of other nsaty names.I wish that the public wouldn't be so ignorant when it comes to us mentally ill people.It isn't our faults why we have these things.You all need to understand that though we have these mental illnesses,we are still people like the rest of you are and we are also still human like the rest of you are.I still continue to attend my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.I really had to fight this as I did give in yesterday in the wee early morning hours.I didn't want to give in a second consecutive time.I am always continuing to keep in mind that masturbation will never give me what I want and need nor will it fulfill my needs in any way,shape or form as masturbation only reinforces the Homosexual identity.I will just have to stay strong and use all the strength that I have to continue to resist.Thanks in advance for any ideas or suggestions.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with the pastor of the church and I will also be attending a charity spaghetti dinner tomorrow at the church.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,despite some minor issue with the browser's inability to connect with Yahoo,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a couple of things on my agenda today and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to the post office to purchase a money order and I sent it out as payment on a bill that needed to be sent out.After that was done,I headed over to the Best Buy in the next county to pay my Best Buy credit card bill in person.After that was paid,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and after that,I did some required Holy Bible readings and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward despite a rocky road.I have bipolar depression and I never know how my mood will be one day or the next.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride and I never know when it will stall.I am always putting up with the up and down emotional ride and it is always a difficult one.If having bipolar depression wasn't bad enough,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.The only thing that I can continue to do is continue my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that somewhere down the line,my recovery will start improving and I will feel better.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated an erection away.I just grabbed myself and I started to masturbate until I ejaculated.After it was all over,I felt really miserable and I had to get up and clean myself after it all.I really felt terrible after giving into this latest episode.It was in the wee early morning hours and I was still feeling tired.I just gave in and after it was over,I felt lousy.In the past,I admit,I used to feel better after masturbating as it did feel good to do it.But now,since my priorities have changed,I now feel miserable as I now know that masturbation will never give me what I want.Masturbation will never connect me with my lost maleness nor will it affirm my gender identity and it won't give me the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to overcome and distance myself from.I no longer want to be a Homosexual and I don't want to find members of my own gender sexually attractive any longer.I want to start feeling like A MAN because that is what I am.I want to act,react and think like a man does in the proper way.Again,though I have gotten a suggestion from a follower and I am applying that,I am still open to anything from anyone else who reads and/or follows.Thanks in advance for anything.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,but still a little rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and now,I have changed my routine to having three cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I only had a small thing planned today and I wanted to get it done.
I went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and did some reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery still moves on,but it is still a rocky road indeed.I have bipolar depression and you can never tell when you are going to feel up and good or when you are going to feel down and bad.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride where nobody can predict how they are going to feel one day or the next.On certain days,I feel good and on other days,no so good.I just have to hold on and just do what I can to endure this stuff and stay living.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.I have to contend with hearing things like voices,sounds and other things that nobody else can hear or try to comprehend.It isn't easy dealing with this double whammy of problems,as well as trying to hold onto reality and try to be as realistic as possible.I will continue to attend my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I will continue to hold onto the hope that my recovery will start improving in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate when I was awakened again by another erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really and aggressively toss and turn until the erection died down.This erection was really a hard one and resistance was really difficult.But I managed to resist and I didn't give in.Though I escaped this one,I know that I will be tempted again as temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I will just have to stay strong and continue to use all the strength that I can muster to resist the temptation to masturbate or to act out in other ways other than seeking a male partner to have sexual activity with.I did receive one suggestion from one of my blog followers and I have been using this suggestion.I am still open to any more and if anyone out there can help,I would appreciate that.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have not made any plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rocky road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and this time,I had three cups of coffee because I really needed to wake up.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I had a group that I needed to attend today and I was looking forward to that.
The meeting was wonderful.After the meeting,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that were needed for the house.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to move forward.But I am still having to deal with the symptoms of bipolar depression and the emotional roller coaster ride that it gives me.I really don't know how I am going to feel day in or day out or even day by day.One day,I can be feeling good.But the next day,I can feel down.If dealing with the symptoms of bipolar depression weren't bad enough,I also have to deal with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.Still,the only things that I can do is to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I can only hope that my recovery will start to improve in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.I was really tempted to masturbate the erection away as I have done in the past when I did get an erection.I had to really aggressively toss and turn around until the erection died down.Though I escaped this episode,I need to keep in mind that the temptation to act out by masturbating or other ways,other than seeking a male partner out,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to keep fighting all the temptations when they come and use all the strength that I can muster to continually resist the temptation.Though I have been using a suggestion that was given to me by a follower,I am still open to any other suggestions.Thanks in advance for sharing.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,though still rocky.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After bathing,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up to head over to the church for the morning Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.I had some wonderful fellowship with everyone before and after the worship service.After it was all finished,I headed straight home and stayed there because there was really nothing more to do as a result of the rainy weather we were having.For me,going to church every Sunday morning makes the whole day eventful.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and after putting on some casual clothes,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I had a quick lunch and watched a DVD while relaxing afterwards.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
My recovery continues forward although it is still rocky.Then again,when you have bipolar depression,like myself,the road to recovery will usually be rocky.I have to continually tolerate all the emotional ups and downs like I am on a roller coaster that just can't seem to make up it's mind as if it wants to go either up or even down.Aside from bipolar depression,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have alongside it.I still hear things and sounds that nobody else hears.It is really a difficult thing to go through.I am always looking over my shoulder while I am walking anywhere and whenever I do,I usually hear things like footsteps or somebody calling my name,but when I turn around,there is nobody there.I have to continually put up with all of this difficulty.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another morning erection.I was tempted to masturbate the erection away,but chose to fight it instead.I tossed and turned repeatedly and very aggressively until the erection died down.The fight to resist temptation is never an easy one at all.I only resist because in my case,masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is what I am trying to overcome and escape from.I don't want to act out in any way as acting out will never give me what I want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with it.I want to feel like a whole man as that is what I am and that I was born to be.I want to feel like a whole man and be a man among men.Though I escaped this temptation,I still keep in mind that temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Though I did receive some wonderful advice from a follower,I am still open to any other ideas or suggestions.Thanks for sharing them.
Tomorrow,I have a group that I need to attend.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to press on,though it is still a rocky road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the early morning and bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly got dressed to proceed with the rest of the morning as I had an important meeting that I needed to attend,which was my monthly Men's Network meeting.
The meeting was a wonderful one indeed.After the meeting was over,I headed over to a Salvation Army thrift store in the area and I managed to find some great stuff.After I was done shopping there,I headed over to a library in the area and registered some dollar bills at the Where's George site and after I was done with much of my PC work,I headed back into my hometown and headed over to the local Salvation Army thrift store in my hometown to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those items.I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put everything away and I finished my personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and watched a couple of movies in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some reading from the Holy Bible and also,a study book that is connected with the church that I worship in.I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
In my recovery,I am still having to deal with the symptoms of bipolar depression and it is very difficult to deal with them.One minute I can be up while the next minute I can be down.It is a constant emotional roller coaster ride.Aside from the bipolar depression symptoms,I am also struggling with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.It is never an easy road to be on.It is always going to be a very difficult one indeed.I will just have to continue with my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am just hoping that my recovery starts improving soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate an erection away when I was awakened by one.It was also another throbbing one as well.I really had to fight temptation to masturbate this erection away.I really tossed and turned repeatedly until the erection died down.Though I escaped this one,I know that the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking a male partner out to have sexual activity with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to hang in there and keep fighting the urges when they come.I don't want to give in because masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to overcome and disown.I don't want to be a Homosexual anymore and I don't want to act out in any way,shape or form.I am trying to put some advice to heart that a follower gave me,but I am still open to any other ideas or suggestions.Anything is always appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow morning,I am hoping to attend the morning's church service and it's accompanying Holy Bible study class before the service.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues on,though still a little rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I really didn't have to much to do today.I simply went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home and after I paid for them,I simply headed back home.
When I got back home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
On my road to recovery,I am learning that it is never easy to deal with the symptoms of bipolar depression.I never know if I am going to be up one day or down the next.It is simply an emotional roller coaster ride where anyone who struggles with this doesn't know what the days affects are going to be.Aside from dealing with bipolar depression,I also have to deal with schizophrenic tendencies as well.With these tendencies,I hear things that other people can't hear,which includes sounds,voices or anything else connected with hearing things that nobody else hears.It is a rough road and a very difficult experience dealing with one mental illness and also,to deal with tendencies from another disorder and all.It is extremely difficult.The only things that I can continue to do is to continue my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I just hope that my recovery will start improving soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a morning erection.This also was another throbbing one and I really had to fight to resist this temptation.It wasn't easy,but I managed to get through this episode when the erection died down.Though I escaped this episode,I know that the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking a male partner out to act out with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to keep fighting these urges whenever they come up,though the fight is always a difficult one.I will just have to keep up the fight to resist this temptation every time that it comes around.Though I did get a suggestion from another follower and it is a good one and i am trying to put it into practice,I am still open to any other suggestions from others as to what worked for them.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a Men's Network meeting that I need to attend.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though still a little rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with he remainder of the day as I had a few things on my agenda.
I first went to my weekly spirituality group.I was looking forward to this with a lot positive anticipation and enthusiasm as I usually do.I headed over there and went right into it.
The group was wonderful.After the meeting,I had lunch at a local kitchen and after eating lunch,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things that were needed for dinner.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
In my recovery,I am learning day in and day out that it is never easy.The struggle with bipolar depression is never an easy one.Anyone that has this mental disorder has to put up with up and down periods emotionally and it is always unpredictable.One day a person can be up and the next day,the person can be down.Like a lot of those who have this,I have to put up with this emotional roller coaster ride.What makes it even harder is that I have schizophrenic tendencies alongside bipolar depression.I also have to try and stay in the right frame of mind and try to keep a firm grasp on reality,though it is also never easy.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am also going to take my medication as directed.I hope that my recovery starts improving in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one as well.I had to really fight this temptation as I didn't want to give into it like I did twice over the last two days.I had to really hold my own as it was a really overwhelming urge to simply grab my genitals and masturbate until climax.But again,I fought it until the erection died down.Though I escaped this episode,I have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking a male partner out to have sex with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to keep on fighting the urges and start finding out what leads me to masturbate and see if I can stop it before it grows.I hope that I can contain this habit for good.I did get some advice from a follower and I am going to give it a try.I am still open to other ideas or suggestions.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,but rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I had a few things on my agenda today.
I first had to go to the garage to see why the fan in my car wasn't working the way that it should.My fan will only work if it is on the number 4 and won't work on numbers 1-3.I had to get this checked out and see what had to be done.I wanted the fan to work properly again.
It was only a minor thing and after it was finished,I paid for the work and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery in the process of struggling with bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies is not a very easy one.I have to deal with an emotional roller coaster ride where one minute I am up and the next minute I am down.It is very difficult and when you also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the bipolar depression,it makes it even more difficult.I will just have to keep holding on and hoping that my recovery improves in the near and distant future.I also have to continue my therapy sessions and also continue to take my medication as directed.I just hope that someday soon,my recovery will start to improve again and I will feel better about myself.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I gave into temptation late last night and early this morning when I masturbated.Yes,I masturbated twice.I gave in late last night and wee early this morning.I really felt bad after these current falls and it made me feel miserable.I was doing pretty good for a while until late last night and early this morning.I don't know what led me to fall two times.In the near future,I have to keep working harder on resisting the temptation to masturbate in any way,shape or form as well as resist the temptation to act out in other ways other than seeking male partners out for the purpose of acting out sexually with them.It is just that masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and will keep me even further away from getting what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also know that acting out in other ways other than seeking a male partner to act out with will also never give me what I want,either.Again,I am still open to any suggestions or ideas as to how I can do so.Thanks in advance for any encouragement.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery is still going,though it isn't an easy road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had only a couple of small things planned for today.
The first thing on my agenda was that I had to drop something off at one of my mom's friends houses.After that was finished,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
On my road to recovery from the mental illness that I struggle with and deal with on a daily basis,I am still learning that it is a very difficult road to be on.People with bipolar depression,like myself,don't know what their mood will be up or down.The moods keep changing or at times,they stay the way they are for a period of time.It is unpredictable,though I wish at times that I can pinpoint when it might and/or will happen.Aside from bipolar depression,I do have schizophrenic tendencies alongside it,which makes it even more difficult.I just hang in there and I hope for the best.The only other thing that I can do is still attend my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I hope that one day or someday soon,my recovery will start to improve and I can feel better about myself.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection out of a deep sleep.It was a really hard one this time and I really had to fight aggressively to resist the temptation to masturbate it away.I had to really toss and turn until the erection died down.Though I escaped this one,I have to continue to keep fighting to resist the temptation to masturbate erections away when I get one.In the past,I used to masturbate any erection that I received as that was,I felt at the time,the only way to rid myself of an unwanted erection.Now that my priorities have changed,I am now seeking more healthy and constructive ways to fight unwanted erections when they occur and to resist any temptation to masturbate them away.I only resist the temptation because I know that masturbation will never get me what I truly need and want.Masturbation,in no way,will ever connect me with my lost maleness no more that having anything sexual with another man will connect me to my lost maleness.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which I am trying to overcome and cast away from me because it is NOT what I am all about as a man or a human being.I have to keep fighting to resist the temptation to act out in other ways other than seeking a male partner out to have anything sexual with.Again,I am still open to any suggestions as to how I can resist and how I can stay strong whenever temptation rears it's ugly head.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with a garage to have them check out my fan as to see why it isn't working at the lower speeds.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee to drink.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I had a group that I needed to attend and I was looking forward to it.
I headed over to the place where the group was and I attended the meeting.It was an internet resources recovery group and I was looking to get a lot out of what they were using the internet to look for certain websites that help in the recovery of individuals struggles with many mental illnesses.
The meeting was wonderful.After leaving the place,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up several things that were needed for the home.After paying for the items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my road to recovery continues,I do have to admit that when a person,like myself,has bipolar depression,it isn't always easy.Nobody who suffers and struggles with this doesn't know when they will be up or when they will be down.On certain days,I can feel happy and full of life while on other days,I feel down and don't want to do much of anything nor even want anything to do with life.My other problem is that I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the bipolar depression and even that can get rough.You always hear things that nobody else hears and that can get you feeling like there is nothing right at all with anything around.The struggle is never easy at all.It is usually rough and rocky.The only thing that I can continue to do is to attend my therapy sessions when they come up and also,continue to take my medication as directed.I am still hoping that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I was tempted twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by morning erections at two separate intervals in the morning.This is the first double whammy that I have had in a long time.On both these occasions,I had to really toss and turn until my genitals softened and I was able to go back to sleep.Whenever I get an erection in the wee early morning hours,I get tempted to masturbate them away as this was the old way that I used to get rid of them.With my priorities changed and since I am in the healing process,I have to resist the temptation to masturbate when this happens.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is what I am trying to overcome and escape from as the sexual lifestyle connected with it is sinful in the eyes of God through Jesus Christ.I don't want to masturbate and I don't want to have the Homosexual identity reinforced by masturbation or by acting out in other ways other than seeking a male partner out to act out with,which I also don't want to do because acting out in any way will never give me what I really need and want,which is the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.I will just have to keep fighting the temptation day in and day out.I am still open to any more suggestions or advice.Please share anything that you may feel is useful.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ