Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and,after helping my mom out for a few minutes,I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I only had one errand to run.I simply went to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things that were needed.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the stuff that I bought away and I helped out with the clean-up over at the house.I had only a little bit to do today and when I was done,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still battling the symptoms of BPD on a daily basis.I am always on a constant emotional roller coaster ride and it can get pretty monotonous at times.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and feeling not so good.At times,it happens all on the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply take it to both God and Christ and they help keep me sustained and cool.I have nothing to fear nor worry about with them leading the way and taking control.It doesn't make the struggle any easier,but it does make it only a tad bearable.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being there and for always taking the lead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a throbbing erection.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming temptation.I simply sat up and as while I did,the erection slowly died down and after helping my mom to the bathroom and back to bed,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.The temptation can be a very overwhelming one at that.I want to do the right thing,but the unnatural desires that I have want me to do the opposite.Even when it does seem to get too overwhelming,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ a lot more whenever the struggle seems to get too overwhelming.I simply take the temptation to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is nil.I can then move on with the rest of the day.If I ever do give into any temptations,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that and after that,the slate is wiped clean and I feel better after doing that.It is wonderful that I am not alone in my struggles and that is very reassuring.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,it is church as usual,including the morning's Holy Bible study class before the worship service.I will also help with the clean-up tomorrow if and when needed.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast and in between helping out my mom,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had some important stuff that I needed to do.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that I needed.After that,I headed over to a local shopping mall for a few other things.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put everything that I bought away and I got ready for my appointment with the pastor for our personal one on one studies.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The study session went great.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed only for a short spell.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery is moving onward,but it is still a rough and rocky road ahead.I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD and the emotional roller coaster rode that goes with it.It is a constant fight and struggle that I deal and struggle with,but I am still hanging in there.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.It sometimes happens all on the same day.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult.I still attend my therapy sessions.I still take my medication as directed.I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be feeling to unbearable to endure.With them,I simply throw it on them and I feel a little bit better.It is a matter of having them take over and sustaining me.Thanks to both of them for all their help and direction.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation by masturbating two consecutive times over the last 12 hours.I gave into it late last night and in the wee early morning hours today.It was a combination of emotional and sexual images of men clouding my mind.On both of these occasions,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for falling on both of these occasions and after begging God for his mercy and forgiveness as a result of my falling,I did feel better as the slate is wiped clean.I have really been tempted as of late as a result of all the stress that has been happening in my life at this moment.My mom getting hurt,my sisters taking over the house like Grant took Richmond when it comes to getting the house cleaned up for our conveniences and everything else that has been happening.I was really sorry for falling on both of these occasions.I have to really start getting serious about this and make it a habit of taking this God and Christ whenever temptations starts to rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to make that a habit or else I will be falling constantly.I hate it when I fail as I at times feel that I am not doing enough to resist these temptations.I ask for prayers by those who are reading and following this blog of mine.They are always appreciated.I really need prayers right now.I am struggling and getting tempted like crazy.Thanks in advance for all the prayers offered.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church,I have made no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,after helping my mom out,and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I hurriedly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had some things on my agenda today.I first went to my usual Thursday spirituality group and I was looking forward to that group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was all over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have myself some lunch and after I was finished,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to check on a couple of friends to see how they were doing.After spending a few minutes with them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I helped out with some more cleaning up around the house.There was still a lot to get done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from day to day or at times,from moment to moment.I never know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.It is just an endless cycle of things.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I have to also continually put up with hearing things that other people don't hear.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever this struggle seems to get out of hand.I simply talk to them about it and after that,I feel a little bit better.The struggle with BPD and schizophrenic tendencies is a difficult struggle indeed,but I am managing.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.The urge to masturbate was really overwhelming and I had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and I didn't lay back down until the erection died down.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a constant battle over these desires and my desire to do the right thing in God's eyes.I want to always do the right thing,but these unnatural desires that I have want me to indulge in sinful sexual activity.Still,I am relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggles seems way too unbearable to handle.Whenever I get tempted,I simply take it to both God and Christ in prayer and after that,the temptation is nil.I do it whenever temptation comes around.After throwing it on both God and Christ,I feel better and I can move on with the rest of the day.If I get tempted again before the day is through,I simply throw it again on both God and Christ and it is again nil.If I do give into temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I feel better.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with the pastor to continue my studies with him.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I,after I helped my mom out and after my niece took over,I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.My niece stayed at the house for much of the day.
I stayed home for much of the day helping out with the cleaning up.It was a lot of work to do and all,but we got a lot more done than we planned on getting done.It took several hours,but we got more done and I also ran errands when I had to run them.After several hours,my sisters left and I relaxed for a while as I was tired.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I don't know how I will be from day to day or from minute to minute within the same day.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.The emotional roller coaster ride can get pretty monotonous at times.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.While that can be so,I am still continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to get way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk to them about it and afterwards,I feel a little bit better.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I simply got up as I had to get up and help my mom out because she had to go to the bathroom.After helping her out,I went back to sleep.I was fortunate for that as that was my means of escape.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful.The temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a fight against these unnatural desires and the temptations that I get to act out on them.The struggle to do the right thing in the eyes of God can be a really difficult one.The unnatural desires that I have want me to indulge in sinful sexual activity with other men,but I want to do the right thing and NOT act out on these unnatural desires that I have.The desires that I have want me to do the opposite,but I simply have chosen to NOT act out on them.Though the struggle is a difficult one,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever it seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply throw the temptations onto God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help sustain me.I simply talk about the temptation until the temptation is nil and after that,I can move on with the rest of the day.If it happens again on the same day,I simply take it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ again and after that,I continue moving forward.If I do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that and after that,I feel better as the slate is wiped clean.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for taking the wheel,leading the way and guiding me away from anything evil.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and a lunch at a local kitchen.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I helped out my sisters and my niece with the clean-up around the house.
My mom came home yesterday and we are still working on getting the house cleaned up for her.We are halfway there and it is coming along good.We might be finished by the end of the week and I think that it will look good after it is finally finished.
The clean-up took several hours and after they were done for the evening,my sisters and my niece headed for home and my mom went back to bed and I relaxed for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,but it is still a rough and rocky road that I am on.I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller ride that goes with having BPD.I really don't know how I will be from one day to the next or from one minute to the rest.I simply don't know how I will be.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.While that is so,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too difficult to handle.I simply talk to them about it and after that,I feel a little bit better.When they take the lead,I have really nothing to fear nor worry about.Thanks to the both of them for all that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my own strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was a really overwhelming temptation.I simply started to sit up and the erection started to soften.I sat up for a while until the erection was gone.After that,I went back to sleep.Though I did escape this episode,I am still staying on guard and being watchful as the temptation to act out on the unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form they take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I simply don't know when it will strike.Still,whenever it happens,I can simply take it to both God and his son Jesus Christ by simply talking about the temptation.I simply throw it on them and put it in both of their hands.After that,the temptation is nil.I feel better after telling both God and Christ about that and I can then move on with the rest of the day.If it happens that I do give into the temptation,I simply go to God and him in the name of son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my falling and after that,I can move on.Thanks to both God and Christ for being there whenever they are needed.With them leading the way and taking the wheel,I can overcome anything.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Monday afternoon building and improving self esteem group and I was looking forward to it.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group went well.After it was over,I headed over to the hospital to spend a few minutes with my mom and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I called my niece over to help me with some more cleaning up around the house and later on,my sisters came over to help out more.The cleaning took several hours,but we did get a lot more done.After they left,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched a little more TV and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery moves onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is never an easy thing to deal with and it does get really hard at times.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.Each and every day has it's own difficulties.Then again,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable.I simply take it to them and they help sustain me.I feel a little bit better once I have taken it to both God and Christ and I can simply move on after that.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was also another overwhelming urge as I really had to fight to resist this temptation.I simply started sitting up and the erection started to soften and after a few minutes,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.The urge to give into this temptation can be very overwhelming indeed.I am always at war with the desire to do the right thing in God's eyes and to indulge in the sinful sexual activity that is associated with the so called "Gay" lifestyle.My battle to continue doing to right thing still rages on.But as I have said before,I still continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the urge to indulge in anything sinful seems to get too overwhelming.Whenever the temptation to act out comes around and the temptation is really strong,I simply take it to God in the name of son Jesus Christ and I really talk it out to them and afterwards,I feel better.I then can move on with the rest of the day.It is wonderful to have God and Christ leading the way and not letting me be really overwhelmed by temptation.It is great.Thanks to both and Christ for all of their help.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had so much planned.
Today,we had a special outdoor church service at a park where there was a picnic after that.The worship service was wonderful and I had a very good time at the picnic afterwards.After spending several hours talking with church members and others,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a spell and after that,joined my family while they were cleaning up the house to prepare for my mom's return home,which is supposed to be sometime this coming week.I am hoping that my mom recovers soon.
After doing some work around the house,I relaxed and did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.To me,going to church each and every Sunday makes the day eventful.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still dealing and struggling,on a daily basis,with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I am usually on a constant ride with my emotional make up and at times,it gets pretty difficult.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and feeling not so good.At times,it happens within the same day.I also schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be too unbearable to handle.It is never easy struggling with BPD or schizophrenic tendencies,but with God and Christ's help,it makes it a tad easier.I simply take it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I do feel a little bit better,though I am still dealing with the issues.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.I simply sat up and the erection died down while I was sitting up.After a few minutes,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected and I have to stay on guard and be watchful at all times.The temptations to act out can be very overwhelming at times.When that happens,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too difficult to handle.I simply thrown the temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after I am finished praying,the temptation is reduced to nil.I always feel better whenever I pray the temptation away.The struggle with SSA is never an easy one,but with the help and leading of both God and his son Jesus Christ,I can escape and be sustained.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for all of their help.
Tomorrow,I have a group that I must attend.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and before getting dressed,I decided to do some more cleaning up around the house to prepare for my mom's coming home.I even got a phone call from my mom this morning as well.
After doing some more cleaning up,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I decided to first pay a visit to my mom in the hospital to see if she has improved any more.She has improved minimally and that is good.After spending some time with her,I left the hospital and headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did a little bit more cleaning up and I relaxed while watching a movie.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is never and easy thing to deal with.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am continuing to attend my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more to help keep me sustained.Without them,I would be on the road to nowhere.The medication that I take does help,but the help of God and Christ does more than what medication can do.Whenever the struggle seems to feel out of control or too unbearable,I throw it on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and that helps keep me sustained.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.The urge to masturbate it away was really overwhelming and I tossed and turned,but decided to sit up and as I did that,the erection softened and for a while,I continued sitting up until the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,regardless of what form the temptation might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always staying on guard and being watchful as these temptations can come whenever I am not expecting them.The temptations can be very overwhelming and the urge to give in can be pretty strong.But as I said before,when that happens,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through.Whenever the temptations get too overwhelming and the urge to give in strong,I throw it on God and his son Jesus Christ and I keep talking about it until the temptation is nil and I can go on with the rest of the day.If the temptations come back,I simply go to God and Christ again and it is also the same as it was earlier when the initial temptation happened.Thanks again to both God and Christ for all their help and also,for setting me free from the trap of Homosexuality/SSA and for opening my eyes to the truth.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Tomorrow morning,there is a special outdoor church service in a park where a picnic is going to be after the service and I am looking forward to that.with the rest of the day,I am just going to do some more cleaning up and relax for the rest of the day.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
After eating a light lunch,I decided to go to the hospital and pat my mom a visit.After spending some time talking with her and everything,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I called my niece and she came over to do some necessary cleaning up around the house to prepare for my mom's coming home.After it was done,which took some time,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the player and watched it.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.It sometimes happens all on the same day.I simply don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next or from one minute to the next.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggle even more difficult.But despite these difficulties,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more than on my own strength.I am still in therapy and I am still taking my medication as directed,but that is not enough,as I do need God and Christ in my life to help ease me whenever this struggle seems to be getting out of control or too unbearable to endure.Without them,I would be on the road to nowhere and the struggle would feel too unbearable.I am constantly relying on them to help sustain me and keep me on the right track.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.Fortunately,it didn't last long.I simply started to sit up and as I did,the erection started to soften.I sat up for a while and didn't lay back down until my genitals were soft.I had to get up and use the bathroom anyway and when I was finished in the bathroom,I laid back down.Though I did escape the episode,I am still keeping in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as I never know when the temptation will strike.It seems to strike when I am not even thinking of anything sexual,but somehow,anything sexual can cross my mind at anytime.I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever that temptation rears it's ugly head at me.I simply throw it on them and they help in sustaining me and helping me to clear my mind of anything immoral.I simply keep talking to them about it and I don't stop until it fades away.The more that I do that,the more I feel better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I really didn't have much time,so I got dressed and I headed for my spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful.After the group was over,I had a quick lunch courtesy of the program that had the group within it and after eating that,I headed for the post office to mail out something that needed to be mailed out.After that was done,I headed over to the hospital,but my mom wasn't in her room as she went to another place outside the hospital for tests and after waiting some time,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finally got around to doing my personal PC work and was glad to have gotten it done.After it was finished,I relaxed and watched A DVD while relaxing.In between all of that,I did manage to phone my niece to see how everything was,but they had no real concrete answers as of yet.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and that is a very difficult thing to struggle with.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and it is never easy.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God more than on my own strength because I would be nowhere without God and his son Jesus Christ leading the way.The struggle with mental illness is always a difficult thing,but relying on God and Christ more makes it only a tad easier.I am going to have to continue relying on God more because without them,the struggle might seem to get too unbearable to handle.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.After I fell yesterday,I didn't want to fall again today as this urge was really overwhelming.I simply turned to God and asked him to keep me strong and to help sustain me in the midst of this temptation.I kept up praying until my penis started to soften and after the prayer,I had to get up and use the bathroom and after I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take or be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.The temptation to act out can take many forms and I get tempted daily to act out in many ways.Last night,I really had to talk in prayer to God and explain everything to him as I really didn't know why I was being tempted and that I didn't know whether I was coming or going as a result of being tempted constantly.I really poured out my soul to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I was almost on the verge of tears when I did that.I did feel better as a result of that and I did sleep pretty good.I have to continually rely on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ more and to keep constantly asking them to keep me strong in the face of temptation.I know that I can't rely on my own as that will make me fail constantly.I will continue to pray and ask for help continuously whenever temptation seems to rear it's ugly head at me.Thanks to both God and Christ for their help.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to visit with my mom at the hospital.After spending some time with her,I headed out to finish what I had to do.
I first went to a local restaurant for a quick lunch and after eating,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff away and was hoping that my niece would come over and help me get rid of some stuff that needed to be thrown away,but something came up and it couldn't be done.As a result of this change of plans,I relaxed while watching a DVD.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD on a daily basis.It is a very difficult thing to struggle with and it is never an easy thing at all.I am usually on a continuous emotional roller coaster ride that happens day after day and at times,it happens all on the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.But again,I rely on God and his son Jesus whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.I simply talk to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I do feel a tad better.It is still a difficult struggle,but with God and Christ both leading the way,it is a tad easier.It shows that I never have to struggle alone.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again fell early this morning when I masturbated until ejaculation and it was both emotional and to degrading sexual images of men.When that happened,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that fall and after I was through praying,I felt better as I now knew that the slate was wiped clean.Lately,sexual images of men have been really clouding my mind and I really don't know why.For quite a while,I didn't have this problem,but now,they seem to be coming back with a vengeance.I think that this is the work of Satan and his minions.I know too much about the truth about Homosexuality that Satan and his minions are using these images to try and woo me back into that sinful sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle.I am trying to say to the devil "NO",but the unnatural desires that I have are being used by the devil to try and get me to change my mind about that sinful sexual lifestyle that God abhors and condemns in his sacred word,the Holy Bible,and he is using every evil weapon on me to get me to change my mind.But I must tell that wicked and powerful angel known as Satan that I am going to try and follow God's laws instead of following the world under his control.I fell today,but I have to try and continue to use all of my strength to fight and resist these urges.I have to keep saying to myself:"I am a Heterosexual man with a Homosexual problem".My body is made to be compatible with a female and it is not to be used for anything else that is sinful,immoral and unacceptable.I also have to keep relying on God and his son Jesus Christ for strength to resist these urges and to continue to seek them and their guidance in everything.Thanks to them both for all of their hard work.I am also seeking prayers from those who follow my blog regularly and they are always appreciated.Thanks in advance for all prayers offered and please share a friendly word or two on my blog as an encouragement.A positive comment or two would really make my day,especially when it is encouraging.Thanks again in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.I also have plans to have lunch at a local kitchen,mail out an important letter and visit my mom at the hospital.Aside from these things,I have nothing else planned.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up early when the phone rang.It was my mom calling from the hospital and after talking with her for a few minutes,I went back to sleep for another hour.After that,I got up and I bathed.After my bath,I had breakfast,a couple cups of coffee and after that was done,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to pop a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.
After lunch,I headed over to the hospital to pay my mom a little visit.After spending some time talking with her,I headed out for home,but first went for a drive to find a certain location where a special outdoor worship service is going to be held this coming Sunday and that will include a picnic lunch.After finding where the location was,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched another DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is a very difficult struggle indeed,but I still continue to hang in there and keep living and going on with life.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to feel too unbearable to handle.I simply turn to them in prayer and they help keep me sustained and help me to deal with this struggle one day at a time.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.When this happened,I simply turned to God in prayer to help get me through this temptation as it was a very overwhelming urge to give in.I simply kept talking to God until the erection softened and I went back to sleep thanking him.Later on,I had to stop myself from manipulating my genitals to get them erect for the purpose of masturbation and yes,sexual images of men were again clouding my mind.I stopped myself and I asked God to forgive me for that and after that,I felt netter.I guess that the next time that this particular urge comes,I have to turn to God and his son Jesus Christ for the purpose of being strengthened to resist that unclean practice of touching myself inappropriately and asking God to help me resist that urge.This type of urge gets really overwhelming.I have a difficult time trying to resist this type of urge.I am going to have to continue praying to God whenever this urge comes around.I don't want to have a share in any immoral sexual activity,including the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.I am asking for some prayers by those who continually follow my blog.Please pray for me and also,pray for my mom who is in the hospital recuperating.Please offer prayers as I would really appreciate that.Thanks in advance for doing so.Thanks also to God and Christ for all of their help.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Monday afternoon group for building and improving self esteem.I was looking forward to this as I usually do every week.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group went great and after the group was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the hospital to see how my mom was doing and after several minutes,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,it is still a rough and rocky road at best.Then again,it goes with the territory of having BPD.My mood changes by the day and at times,it changes within the same day.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am on and at times,it can feel like it will become unbearable.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.Aside from that,I am also going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when it seems that it is really getting too unbearable to handle.I simply talk to both God and Christ and they help sustain me.It is wonderful to rely on the one responsible for me being here and the son that he sent for us to break us free from the bondage of sin.Thanks again to both God and Christ for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.Like the previous two occurrences,this didn't last very long.I simply started to get up and the erection started to die down.I sat up for about a few minutes and when the erection fully softened,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Later on while bathing,my mind started to wander and degrading sexual images of men started to cloud my mind and I had to stop myself as I was also attempting to get erect by manipulating my genitals to attain erection and then proceed to masturbation.I simply asked God to forgive me for that and after that,I felt better.Though I escaped those episodes,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to use all my strength and know how to fight and resist these urges.It can get really difficult as the urge to act out can be really strong and overwhelming.While that can be,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle and/or endure.I simply throw it on God in the name of son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.I have to continue praying and relying on God and Christ more.Without them,it is impossible to endure and fight.Thanks to both God and Christ for that.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though it has been rocky the past couple of days,including today.I had a pretty good and eventful day today.
Today,I was initially awakened out of a deep sleep by my mom.She tried,on her own,but was failing,to get up to use the bathroom.I had to get up and turn on a light so we could see where we were going as I led her there.After she used it,I led her back to her room so she could get back in bed.I went back to sleep and I got up a little over an hour and a half later.
When I did get up,I bathed quickly and after I was finished,I had to put off breakfast because I had to lead my mom to the bathroom again.After she was finished,I led her back to her bedroom again and I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and called my niece to come over to watch over my mom while I was in church.After hanging up the phone,I headed over to the church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.After some great fellowship,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something for my mom and a few things for myself.After paying for the items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I made a phone call to my niece to check up on my mom and she told me that she was just out of a cat scan and she would let me know if she learns anything.I hung up and heated up a can of soup for my lunch.After lunch,I did my personal PC work and after that,I did the dishes to keep myself busy as I awaited that phone call from my niece.
As I awaited that call,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I relaxed while watching it.
Regarding my mom,there was nothing broken,but they are keeping her overnight for observation.I don't know when she will be coming home.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.For me,going to church each Sunday makes the day eventful.
While my recovery continues onward,the road is still rocky as it has been the last couple of days,including today.With my mom falling yesterday,feeling pain and not able to walk on her own,I had a lot of stress going on and that made the recovery very difficult.As I have said in previous blog entries,I suffer and struggle with BPD and that is a very difficult thing to struggle with.With the current things happening right now,I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride.One minute I am up while the next minute,I am down.I don't how my mood will be from one minute to the next.Plus,having schizophrenic tendencies also makes it even more difficult.I have to put up with hearing things or sounds that nobody else hears.This really makes the struggle more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.When that happens,I simply turn to God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through the difficulties.It is never easy struggling with any form of mental illness,but with the help of God and Christ,I can get through anything.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection awoke me up out of a deep sleep.This one,though as throbbing as it did,didn't last very long.I simply sat up and the erection started to soften and I sat up for a while until the erection had softened all the way.I went back to sleep after that,but was awakened later on when I heard my mom yelling in pain as she unsuccessfully tried to get up to use the bathroom and I had to help her to the bathroom and back to her room again.Though I did escape that,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always having to stay on guard and be watchful whenever that temptation strikes.I always have to use all the strength that I can muster up to fight and resist these temptations.But again,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever it seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.Whenever temptation seems to be trying to get the better of me,I simply turn to both God and Christ to help me get through this temptation as I thrown it on them and after doing that,I start to feel better.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle as they,God and Christ,are there to help get me through any difficulties and get me out unscathed.In the event that I do give into the temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me and after that,the slate is wiped clean.Once again,I thank God and Christ for being there and getting me through all sorts of temptations.
Tomorrow,I do have my usual building and improving self esteem group,but I am not sure if I will go to it as a result of what happened to my mom yesterday.I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
That was my day today and my hopes and possible plans for the day ahead.FJ

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Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my bath,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.I had only a couple of things planned.
I first went to the post office to mail out a couple of things that had to be mailed.After completing this task,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed until it was time for me to go to my appointment with the pastor of the church for my weekly study lesson with him.
The session went great and after it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I took it easy.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more than anything.When the struggle seems too unbearable,I turn to God and ask in his son Jesus Christ's name to help me get through the strain and help to sustain me through it all.It is never easy suffering from a mental illness,but with the divine intervention of both God and Christ,it is wonderful that I am not alone and that they are there to help when asked to help.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.This time,the temptation didn't last too long as when I started to get up,the erection started to soften and after about a minute or two,I simply laid back down and went back to sleep.Later on,I had to stop myself as I was bathing,I started manipulating my genitals while sexual images of men started to cloud my mind.I stopped myself and after my bath,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that as it was wrong for me to do.I have figured out the root cause of this,though.In the past,I used to watch a lot of Homosexual sex themed porn and as a result of that,the sexual images of men from those porn videos cloud my mind up.Not only that,while watching the porn,I at times used to fantasize that I was in the video myself performing the sexual act on the other man.I haven't watched any porn in a long time,but the images still continue to cloud my mind when I least expect them to and that leads me to almost giving into or giving into the temptation to act out by masturbating to these images.Since I have been in the process of healing and that I now know the truth about Homosexuality/SSA and that acting out is a choice as well as living the life of a sexually active Homosexual person is also a choice,I feel that Satan and his minions are trying to lure me back into that sinful sexual lifestyle.They are trying to get me to having sex with other men by simply making my mind rehash all those impure and unclean erotic images of other men having sex with each other and also,bringing up images of men in the nude alongside that.I really want to clear my mind permanently of these disgusting,impure,unclean,immoral and degrading images of this sort of thing.I will keep praying and to and relying on God and Jesus Christ to help me clear my mind of these degrading images and help me to think pure and clean thoughts of my fellow men and to look at them as brothers in a spiritual sense and that the only real manly love that any man can give to other men is brotherly love and there is no substitute for that type of love as it is non-sexual,unselfish and best of all,can make any man feel like a man.I have to continually keep in mind that I am a male and that is the only identity that I am.I refuse to accept no other identity other than the identity of me being a human being and a male.Again,I willfully refuse to accept no other identity.I am a male.I am a human being and those are the only titles that I accept.I am going to continue praying to and relying on both God and Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to get too overwhelming and/or unbearable to go through.I am also asking for prayers by those who continue to follow my blog regularly.Please pray for me that I can get my mind cleared of all these disgusting and degrading sexual images of men.Thanks in advance for all the prayers and for all of your support through this difficult time.It is very much appreciated.
As for the weekend,I have no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning Spirituality group.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group meeting went well.After it was over,I had lunch at a local kitchen and after I was finished,I mailed out a few important letters for my mom.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few more things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery still continues,though not much has improved.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster that goes with it.It is a very difficult road to be on and aside from BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.But again,as I said before,I am still relying on God and Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.I simply turn to them and after talking with them,I feel better.It seems that they are there to listen whenever the world around me won't listen.It is wonderful that I can talk about these things with God and his son Jesus Christ being there to listen.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to really use all of my strength to resist this temptation as it was yet another overwhelming one.I took it to God in prayer and as I was praying and asking God to strengthen me to resist this temptation to masturbate,the erection softened and after that,as usual,I went to use the bathroom as I had to use it.After that was done,I went back to sleep.Later on,while bathing,I stopped myself later on when I was manipulating my genitals while sexual images of men were clouding my mind.I stopped myself and after I was finished bathing,I prayed to ask God to forgive me for that and after that,I also felt better.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It can be very overwhelming at times and it very difficult to resist.But again,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever these come around and after throwing the temptation to act out on them,I feel better as if a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.I am learning on a daily basis that the struggle to do the right thing is never an easy one.It is easier to give into temptation and sin than it is to fight and resist the temptation.I will have to continue asking God for strength to help me continue to fight and resist any temptation that comes around.Without them,I would never have that strength.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,I have my usual one on one study meeting with the pastor.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had a few things planned.
After having lunch,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed.After paying for those items,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I forgot to pick up yesterday.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away in their proper places and I relaxed for a while.I also watched a DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.At times,it happens all on the same day.It is a very difficult thing to deal with and everything.Also,aside from the symptoms of BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.But still,no matter how difficult it might be,I am still continuing to rely on God more to help get me through all of this.With the help of God and his son Jesus Christ,I am not alone in my mental illness struggles and that is wonderful.I also appreciate the assistance that they provide and that is great.The process of having BPD,with schizophrenic tendencies on the side,is never an easy thing to deal with or even struggle with.But with the help and direction of both God and Christ,it makes it only a tad easier,but still difficult.Thanks to both God and Christ for being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened out of a deep sleep by yet another throbbing erection.The urge to masturbate this away was very overwhelming.I had to use all of the strength that I had to resist this overwhelming urge.I did turn to God in prayer for strength to assist me in fighting and resisting this urge and as I talked about it,the erection started to soften and since I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,I simply got up and went to the bathroom and after using it,I simply went back to sleep.I wasn't out of it yet as later on,I was sitting in a chair and I started to manipulate my genitals while sexual images of men clouded my mind.I did stop myself from this when I realized what was happening and immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that unclean and impure things.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of it can be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in the fight for my life against these evil,unnatural and impure sexual desires that I have,which I refuse to let dictate to me how and who I am as a person.While I may have SSA and I do struggle with these unnatural desires that I have that are relative to the condition,I simply refuse to let these unnatural desires that I have decide for me who I will be or what I will be.I am a male and that is all that I am.The body that I have is meant to be compatible with that of a female's body.I also have to keep in mind that God did not nor did he ever intend for sexuality to be used the way that the world outside the church is using it for.Though those so called "Gay" activists keep saying for many men to simply accept their sexual identity,which is counterfeit in and of itself,they will be okay and in the long run,they'll feel good about themselves.But that is not true at all.When I was active in that sinful sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle,I was miserable.I felt used and unwanted.Instead of getting love and acceptance,I was only asked to relieve other guys when they wanted relief.I indulged in a lot of the activity that it offered to please those other guys and while it did make me feel good for a while,the good feelings soon ended and I was back to where I was before I did the sexual act on them.I have found out on my own that true and real male love is extremely rare in that sinful sexual lifestyle as the only main emphasis is sex,sex and more sex.I am glad that I am out of that lifestyle and I never want to go back,though Satan and his minions want me to simply surrender to the unnatural desires that I have and simply indulge in all the sinful sexual pleasures that the so called "Gay" lifestyle offers,and that is my choice and decision.I am not going to let these unnatural desires that I have tell me how I should live my life.I am going to continue and have to rely on God and Jesus Christ more when these temptations try to get the worst of me and want me to sin against God.I have to continue doing that whenever that happens and I know that in the long run,I will feel better.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there and leading the way.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and after that,lunch at a local kitchen.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some more money for my mom.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to check out if they had any wall phones for sale and how much they were.After doing that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at my insurance agent's office to pay my car insurance.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to move forward,but I am still walking a very rough road at that.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is a very difficult thing to go through and it is never a pretty thing at all.I never know how my mood will be day after day.I can be up and feeling good one day,but the next day,down and not so good.Sometimes,it happens all on the same day.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am also still going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever this struggle seems to be going to the point of feeling unbearable.I simply talk to them in prayer about this and after that,I feel better.I simply turn to them and they help me in ways that nobody on Earth can.It is wonderful that I can rely on them for help and to be sustained through them in my mental health struggles.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection awakened me out of a deep sleep.I had to really fight this overwhelming temptation as it was keeping me from sleeping and only strengthened my urge to grab my genitals and masturbate them.I simply turned to God in prayer to help strengthen me to fight and resist this overwhelming temptation to masturbate and I kept talking until the urge and the erection were both dead.After that,I simply went to use the bathroom and after using it,I went back to sleep.Later on,as I was bathing,I started to manipulate my genitals while sexual images of men started to cloud my mind,but I stopped myself and after I was finished bathing,I simply asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning and afterwards,I felt better.Though I escaped these episodes,I am still keeping myself on guard and being watchful as these temptations to act out can rear their ugly heads when least expected.These temptations can be anything from masturbation when I get an erection in the wee early morning hours,to watch porn and at times,to masturbate while watching porn,to being tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them or to manipulate my genitals for the purposes of getting them erect or near erect for the purposes of masturbation to sexual images of men and so forth.Regarding that temptation of going out to seek other men,I simply ignore that temptation by staying home and not feeding nor satisfying that particular temptation.The rest of those are a really big problem for me.As I stated before and I will state it again,I simply continue relying on God more to strengthen me when these temptations seem to feel too unbearable.I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help keep me strong when these urges come and after throwing them on God and his son Jesus Christ,I simply feel better and I can move on after that.If I do fall by giving into any temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me for the fall and after that,I can move on from there after being forgiven for the falling.The struggle with SSA is never an easy one,but with God's help through the help of his son Jesus Christ,I can accomplish anything and stay strong with them leading the way and sustaining me.Thanks again to both God and is son Jesus Christ for that.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to my building and improving self esteem group as I usually look forward to this each and every week.I headed over there with a lot of enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After the meeting,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things and after that,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money and after that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the money at the Where's George site and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.I still have my ups and downs and I try to deal with this on a one day at a time basis and all,but it is usually a very difficult thing to deal with.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more to handle this.When the struggle seems a little too unbearable to manage,I simply ask God and his son Jesus Christ to help me through the daily struggle and I do feel a little bit better.The struggle with BPD and schizophrenic tendencies is never an easy struggle,but with the help of God and Christ,it is only a tad easier.Thanks to both God and Christ for helping me and being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened out of a deep sleep by yet another erection.This was yet another overwhelming urge and I really had to use everything that I had to fight and resist this temptation.I did turn to God and asked him for strength to resist this temptation and as I prayed,the erection softened and after that,as usual,I had to get up and use the bathroom as the erection died down as I was heading there.When I was finished,I simply went back to sleep.Though I did escape this episode,the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Like early this morning,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through any temptation.I simply take it to them in prayer and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil after I put it in their hands.I feel better and I can move along with the rest of the day and if it happens again before the day is through,I simply turn to both God and Christ again and I feel batter after doing so.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there and that I don't have to struggle alone as they are there to help me whenever I ask for it.Thanks again to both God and Christ.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ