Tonight,my road to recovery,though still a little rocky,continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in mid morning and showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a small thing planned for today.
Today,since the weather wasn't too decent,I decided to simply go to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed over to a local Salvation Army thrift store to look around,but couldn't find what I was looking for.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed while listening to a little music.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues onward,despite it being a little rocky,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my emotions or my mood will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply throw it on God in the name of Christ Jesus,his son,and after that,I feel a tad better as a result.It shows that I don't have to go it alone in this struggle and that is great.It is wonderful that I can talk about this with God and his son and feel a little bit better knowing that they are there to help me out and keep me sustained.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.I simply turned on my right side and the erection died down and I went back to sleep.Later on,in the later morning,I gave into temptation by starting to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or to go to the point of orgasm and stop and yes,there was some lusting involved,but I stopped myself and I asked God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that I felt better.Though I escaped the early morning episode and I was forgiven by God for that later giving into temptation,I still have to keep in mind that Satan is on the rampage when it comes to getting people to disobey God's perfect laws and simply indulge in all the sexual sin that the world,including that so called "Gay" lifestyle,has to offer.I am always fighting these urges to sin and though I did stop myself from one incident earlier,I have to try to ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me escape these dreaded and terrible urges.I have to keep in mind that God never intended for sexuality to be used and abused the way that they world is using and abusing it.I have to really ask God in the name of his son Christ Jesus for strength to fight and resist these urges.A wise man once said that "It takes more strength to ask for help in how to resist a sinful habit rather than go it alone and hope for the best".,or something like that and I have to keep that in mind.I am now going to constantly ask God and Christ to help me resist these terrible urges.I really need all the help and strength that only they can give.Thanks to both God and Christ for being there for me and again,I will be asking for help constantly to beat these dirty and unclean habits and kick them to the curb once and for all.I am also requesting prayers from those who regularly read my blog.Thanks in advance for everything.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual,including the morning's Holy Bible study class an hour and half before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though rocky,continues to move on.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only one thing on my agenda for today.I had an appointment to meet with some people who want to prepare me for living on my own and hopefully,find a good lawyer that isn't too costly so I can transfer the house in my name and continue living in the house on my own.My sister who lives locally was also a part of the talk with them and we all talked about how we are going to work all of this out.
The meeting went pretty good and wasn't too long at all,either.After the meeting was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move on,it is still a rocky road.I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that with the territory.I never how my emotions,in particular my moods,will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.I also have to deal with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about the struggles with God and his son Jesus Christ and they help in sustaining me.It is simply a matter of letting both God and Christ take the lead and helping me deal with all the psychological aspects of having any type of mental disorder.It is great that they are there to help me and that I am not alone here.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I simply turned to my right side and the erection died down and I was able to sleep the rest of the night.Though I did escape this episode,I am still staying on guard and being watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a fight with these unnatural desires and at times,the fight might even try to wear me out.I will never give Satan what he wants.He wants me to surrender to these desires and act out on them,but I willfully refuse to do that.I am simply going to try and continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggles gets really overwhelming and the temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have is also really overwhelming.I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I do sin by giving into ant type of temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the sin is forgiven and forgotten and I move on.I am still requesting that prayers be said on my behalf so I can continue to fight and win with God's help.Prayers of all kinds are always appreciated.Thanks in advance for prayers offered and also to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still rocky,continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning Spirituality group,which I was looking forward to.
The meeting was wonderful.After it was all over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after I was finished,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while and even listened to a little bit of music.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is never and easy thing to deal with.I never know how I will be emotions or mood wise from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am still also continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about my struggles with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I feel a tad better as they help in sustaining me.The struggle is still a very difficult one,but with God and Christ taking the lead,it is a tad easier.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.I sat up and stayed sitting up until the erection softened and I went back to sleep when it did.Later on,I was again tempted to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or at the point of orgasm and then stopping and that was the toughest one to resist.I did escape both of these episodes,but the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It comes in many forms and I have to stay on guard and be watchful whenever they start to come around.I never know what form that the temptation takes and I have to be watchful as I never know how it will be.I will continue to also rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the temptations seem to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply throw any temptations on God and ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I ever do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Christ Jesus to forgive me and after that,my sins are forgiven,forgotten and I can move on.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they provide.
Tomorrow,I have to meet with somebody in regards to getting legal help in regards to the house that I am living in.As for teh rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues to move on.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a couple of things planned.
I had to stop at a local aid office to drop off an aid application in hopes of getting additional aid that I really need and also to discuss other things that I had to talk about.After meeting with them,I headed straight home as I had nothing else to do.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and listened to some music and watch a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my rocky road to recovery moves on,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my emotions or my mood will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which makes my struggle with BPD even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about my struggles with God and Christ and after that,they help in sustaining me.It is simply a matter of sharing how I feel or anything else with God and Christ and their help in making me feel more stable and sustained.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation early this morning when I masturbated.It was terrible.I really felt down for a while and also ashamed of myself as a result of this fall.This was the second fall for me in the last few days.I don't know what could be wrong with me as I am falling left and right.I asked God to forgive me for my sins in the name of Jesus Christ and I did feel better afterwards.I am just going to have to try and work harder at going to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ for even more help.I am also asking for prayers by those who continue to follow my blog and read the posts that I write here.Please pray for me everyone who follows this blog of mine as I really need then right now.I would really appreciate them.Thanks to all of you in advance for them.I will try and do my part as well.Thanks again.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend and I also plan to stop at a local kitchen for lunch.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,though still rocky,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a couple of things planned.
I had an appointment to meet with a caseworker at a local office.The appointment was prepared for me ahead of time a few days ago and I was looking forward to this.I headed over to the local office.Before that,I went to the post office to mail out an important bill payment.
The meeting went as well as expected.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something that I needed.After paying for it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still having to deal with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood or emotions will be.I can be up and feeling good one day or one minute,while the next day or minute,down and not so good.It is a very complex ride of emotions.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult as I am always putting up with hearing things or sounds that nobody else hears.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and Christ for all of their help.I simply talk about my BPD struggles with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they help in sustaining me.The struggle with any type of mental disorder is never an easy one,especially when you are someone,such as myself,with the diagnosis that I have.It is never an easy thing to deal with,but talking about the struggle with God and his son Jesus Christ does make it a tad easier as they help in keeping me more at ease so I don't go up the wall(so to speak)or goo beyond any more that I can bear.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for all their help as they give strength beyond what any human therapy can give.Thanks again to both God and Christ.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was very overwhelming.I simply sat up for a while and didn't lay back down until the erection softened.After it did,I laid down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I am still getting tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have in many ways.There are lots of ways that anyone who struggles with SSA can act out on the unnatural desires that they have and it is not just going out to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.A person who struggles with SSA can get tempted to masturbate or to watch porn or both.They can also get tempted to fantasize with or lust after other members of their own gender.The ways are very numerous.I get tempted to do all of these things and it is never an easy thing to deal with when temptation knocks on the spiritual door to get anyone to act out on the unnatural desires that one has when struggling with SSA.I am still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for it's own good.I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and the temptation is reduced to nil.It is simply a matter of talking about the struggle with God and asking for help in resisting the temptation.After that,I can move on as the temptation is reduced to nil.If I ever do give into any type of temptation,I simply ask God in the name of Jesus Christ too forgive me and after that,I feel better as my sin is forgotten by God as the slate is wiped clean.God forgives over and over as he and his son are both very loving indeed.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still rocky,continues to go as it goes.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first called the garage to get an estimate on car repair as I need to get it repaired in order for it to pass inspection.After getting that,I called my niece up to see how she was doing as she has been sick for a while.She said that she still wasn't feeling good and I offered to do her grocery shopping for her as a favor as I had nothing else to do as a result of it being a holiday and I didn't have a group to go to.She really appreciated the offer and I went and did the shopping.
Before heading for the store to do the shopping,I left a note for a friend who I have been trying to get a a hold of,but keep getting their voice mail,with me asking them to call me the minute that they read the note.After that,I did the shopping.
After the shopping was done,I headed back home to put all the groceries away and after I did that,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.Since I had no group meeting today,I felt that it was a good way to loosen up and enjoy myself.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go as it goes,I am still,on a daily basis,having to deal with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my emotions or how my mood will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.It is never an easy thing to deal with,which can get pretty tiresome at times.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I still continue my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as direction.I am still also relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about the struggles with God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and they help in sustaining me.With them leading the way,I feel better and I feel more at ease.It shows that I am not alone in my struggles.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation by masturbating early this morning.It was mostly emotional,though there was also a little bit of lusting involved as well.After the fall,I asked God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I felt better as a result of me being forgiven and that the slate is wiped clean by God,who forgets all sins confessed as he forgives them.As a result of a death in my family,my emotions are really in a tizzy as a result of it.Plus,I am thinking more and more about sinful stuff as I am now in this state of utter emotional disarray.The only thing that I really regretted as that I didn't go to God in the name of his only begotten son Christ Jesus when I was being tempted.Don't get me wrong,I do sincerely believe that I am forgiven for my sins and I am not going to dwell on the failure.But I have to learn to turn to God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever I am being tempted to act out in many ways.I am asking for prayers from those who have been following my blog and reading the posts.I really needs prayers and support right now as I am desperately trying to get out of this emotional rut that I am currently in.Please pray for me as I am going through all of this.I really need all the prayerful support that I can get.Thanks to all of you in advance for prayers offered.I also ask that you pray that I go to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever I am being tempted.Thansk again in advance for prayers offered and all the support that I can get.
Tomorrow,I will be meeting with a case worker to help me fill out an aid application and also,to help me get the aid that I desperately need.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still a little rocky,continues to move forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit to head over to church for the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.I headed there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
Both the study class and the worship service were wonderful.Now that I am a member of the church again,I had my first communion and it was wonderful.After some terrific fellowship with all the other members,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up a couple of prescription refills and a couple cans of soup.After paying for them.I headed straight home.
When I got home,I had a light lunch of the soup and after eating lunch,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I did the dishes and straightened out my bed as well as made it.I laid down for a while and I listened to some music.I just wanted to relax and take it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and after that,I watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player.I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.For me,going to church every Sunday always makes the day eventful.
While my recovery continues to move forward,despite it being a rocky road,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood or any emotions that I have will be from one minute to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.It is a very tough thing to deal with.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still in therapy and I am still taking my medication as directed.Even when it might seem to be getting too difficult for me to handle,I still rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever that happens.I simply talk about my mental health struggles with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I also ask for help in sustaining me from it all and after that,I feel a tad better.It is simply a matter of talking with God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and letting them keep me at ease and under their good care.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and their help in sustaining me.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I sat up for a while and while doing that,the erection softened and I went back to sleep after that.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that I will be tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.The temptation,no matter what form it takes,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have and the war at times can get ugly.There are also times that I feel like surrendering to these desires and go out and act out on them,but I willfully choose not to do that.Why?Because that is what Satan wants me to do.Satan wants me to abandon what God has set forth in his law and go out and live my life as the unnatural desires that I have want me to.When that happens,I turn to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to ask for strength to keep me on the path to restoration and also,to keep me in his word and to help me keep to his natural and perfect law for mankind through his sacred and blessed word,the Holy Bible.I simply throw any temptation on God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sins and after that,I feel better knowing that I am forgiven and my sin is forgotten by God.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,since it is a holiday and I have no group,I have made no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hops for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still a little rocky,continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and headed over to my Men's Network group meeting and I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful and after it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby Dollar Tree store to pick up a jar of pizza sauce and after paying for that,I headed over to a local supermarket the minute that I got back into town.After paying for the items that I purchased,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into my home suit and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I had myself some lunch before setting up a stereo system that I have been meaning to set up for a long time.After that was done,I tested it out and it works beautifully for me to enjoy forever.I simply relaxed and listened to some music for a while and a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,the road will still be rocky for a while as a result of my mom passing away two weeks ago.It is going to be quite a while for me to adjust to her absence from my life.I actually lived with her in the same house until the day that she died.I am now here all alone in the house and I am hoping that soon,all the legal business will be over and this house will be mine to live in until the day that I die.I am also still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.I still go to therapy and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.When that happens,I simply turn to God in prayer and ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help get me through and they both help in sustaining me.It is simply a matter of having both God and Christ handle everything as they provide power beyond what any human therapy can give.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do for me.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This urge was overwhelming and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this urge.As usual,I started to sit up in bed and while I was sitting up,the erection softened and after it was fully dead,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I am still staying on guard and being watchful.The temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it makes itself to be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always on guard and being watchful as that temptation can rear it's ugly head whenever possible.At times,I feel like throwing in the towel and surrendering to the desires that I have,but I willfully refuse to do that as that is what Satan wants me to do.Whenever I feel like doing that,I still turn to God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle is trying to get the better of me.I simply throw any temptations on God in the name of Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.It is simply a matter of throwing everything on God in the name of Jesus Christ,his son,and having that temptation reduced to nothing.If I do ever give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I feel better as God has forgiven and forgotten my sins.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being there and for helping me get through any form of temptation.Thanks again.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual,including the morning's Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,though still rocky,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had some things planned.
I had to go to another local organization to help me handle some legal stuff concerning the house that I am still currently living in and see if they could help me locate a good lawyer for that.I made an appointment with them and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local kitchen to have lunch and after eating the lunch,I headed straight home
When I got home,I relaxed and listened to some music while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is never an easy thing to deal nor struggle with.I never how my emotions nor mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable or impossible to deal with.I simply talk about the issues and the matter of my mental illness struggles with both God and Christ and they help sustain me.It is simply a matter of being sincere in my heart and simply asking them to help get me through all the emotional roller coaster rides and all the noises and things that only I can hear and always looking over my shoulder to see what is there,only to find nothing.Still,I am going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever this happens and continue to ask them to help sustain me in this.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning when I masturbated an erection away.After the episode,I really felt bad for doing that and I asked God to forgive me for doing that in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I felt better.The roots for the fall is simply still feeling the mixed emotions of everything that has been happening.From my mother getting sick,her passing away and all the emotions that have been reeling through me as a result of that and yes,there was a tad lusting involved as well.Though I do believe that I was forgiven and I can move on,this make me more determined to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it takes,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It did this morning and it was an ugly fall at that.I also have to ask God to give me the strength to really resist these urges and also to ask him to help sustain me.I also have to learn not to let any emotions get the better of me so it doesn't lead to even more falls.I always feel bad whenever I fall,but though I do,I do still believe that I am forgiven when I ask to be forgiven.I am also asking for prayers and support while I am still going through a difficult time in my life as I am working to get over these emotional issues that have been plaguing me as of late.I will continue praying to God in the name of Jesus Christ in the meantime,but I stll ask for prayers by those who follow my blog and who read the posts that I write on this blog.Thanks in advance for prayers offered and Thanks also to God and Christ for all of their help.
Tomorrow,I have a men's meeting that I must attend.As for the rest of the weekend,it will be church as usual,but I still haven't made any other plans other than that.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still rocky,is still ongoing.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first had a spirituality group that I needed to attend.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there early as I had an appointment to talk with someone at the agency where the group was being held before the meeting was to start.
After meeting with that person at the agency,where he helped me partially fill out an aid form,I attended the group meeting.
The group meeting was wonderful.After the meeting was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed over to the local hospital to pick up an extra prescription refill and I also did some shopping at a nearby Dollar Tree store.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I dropped the stuff off and I headed out again.I went to pay a visit to a friend to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.I also finished my personal PC work.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery is still ongoing,despite a rocky road,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggles with BPD even more difficult.I am still continuing my therapy and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about my struggles with God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and after that,I feel a tad better as they help sustain me.It is simply a matter of putting the matter in God's hands and after that,letting him and his son Jesus Christ take the lead.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was yet another overwhelming temptation.I had to really use all the strength that I had to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up for a while and stayed sitting up for only a few minutes and when the erection died down,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It comes in many different forms,but they are all terrible.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have and at times,I feel like surrendering to them,but I refuse to do that,as that is what Satan wants and I am not giving him that satisfaction.I simply continue to take the matter of my struggles to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and have them lead the way.I simply throw any temptations on God and ask him in his son Christ's name to get me through the temptation by giving me even more strength to resist and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.But if it should ever happen that I give into any type of temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning by giving into the temptation and after that,I feel better knowing that I am forgiven and the sin is forgotten by God.It truly shows that I am now alone in my struggle.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being there and for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I am heading for a local office to help out with some legal problems.As for the rest of the day,I have not made any plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,though still a little rocky,my road to recovery soldiers on.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After that,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money for myself.After that,I headed back home to register the money at the Where's George site and after that was done,I headed out to the post office to have a money order made and sent out and after that was finished,I headed over to the local Sears to make a payment on my credit card.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery soldiers on,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.As I have said before and I will say again,I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It is always unpredictable as I can never anticipate what or how my mood is going to be.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the BPD struggle even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about my BPD struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I feel a little bit better.It shows me that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this urge.Since it has been working for me,so far,I sat up for a while and after a few minutes,the erection fully softened and I went to back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,and they are not very easy to escape,I am now always on guard as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might be in,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always fighting these unnatural desires that I have and the fight gets even more difficult with every resistance to the temptations to act out on them.It is never an easy thing to fight these temptations as they getting stronger the more that I resist the temptations to act out on them.Still,I continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the temptations seem to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.When that happens and the temptation is really strong,I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,my sin is forgotten by God as I know that I have been forgiven.It is simply a matter of talking to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,forgiveness is provided and I can move on with the rest of the day.This shows me that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.After that,it's lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,while still rocky,continues moving.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and waited to see my father off before I showered.I am now all alone in the house and right now,I am feeling pretty confident that I can make it on my own.I am going to be living by myself and I am looking forward to the challenge of being on my own.
I showered after my father left for his home and after showering,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to a friend's house to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Radio Shack store to compare prices for stereo connector wires.After looking around,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my recovery continues moving,despite a rocky road,I am still dealing and struggling with,on a daily basis,the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.My mood is always unpredictable as I never know how I will be feeling.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking making my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.All I do is talk about my struggle with God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and I feel a tad better.I still struggle,but with God and his son Christ Jesus leading the way,they help sustain me and I feel a little bit better knowing that I am not alone in my struggles.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was a very overwhelming urge.I tossed and turned,but the erection wasn't softening.I finally sat up for a few minutes and the erection softened.I laid down and went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it makes itself,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.At times,the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can be strong and overwhelming.The urge to give into the temptation is usually as strong as the temptation is.Each and every time I resist,the temptation always comes back stronger than the last one and the urge to give in even stronger.When that happens,I take my struggles to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ in prayer and I feel better.It is simply a matter of taking the temptation and throwing it on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and the temptation is reduced to nil.I feel better once I have done that and I can move on with the day.If I ever do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I feel better knowing that I am forgiven and that God has forgotten about my sin and has forgiven it and has also forgotten it.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do in my struggles with SSA.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though it will be rocky for a while,is continuing to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things to do.When the afternoon hit,I headed over to my weekly building and improving self esteem group and I was looking forward to that with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there expecting to get quite a bit out of it.
The meeting went well.After it was all over,I was hoping to meet with someone in their office at the group site to have an aid application filled out,nut the person wasn't in as he was sick.I headed for home a little disappointed.I will have to call tomorrow to see if he is in so I can get it filled out.
On the way home,I stopped in to see how a friend of mine was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I never know if my mood will be up or down.It varies day to day and at times,from minute to minute.I can never predict ahead of time how my mood will be.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the BPD struggle even more difficult for me.Aside from the BPD emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with hearing things,sounds or voices that nobody else hears or even knows about.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am also still going to continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about my struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help sustain me.It is simply a matter of sharing my struggles with God and after that,feeling only a tad batter as a result.It shows that I am not alone in this struggle and that feels good.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This was another very overwhelming temptation.I really had the urge to grab my genitals and masturbate the erection away as it was,again,a very overwhelming one.I simply sat up in bed and after about a couple of minutes,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to always be on guard and be watchful as I never know when the temptation will hit.I know that being tempted is not a sin,but giving into temptation is a sin.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have and the battle to fight and resist is a very difficult one.It is just that I refuse to surrender to these unnatural desires that I have,even though resistance to the temptation to act out on them is a very difficult one.When it gets to be getting too extreme,I am still going too continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the temptation to act out in any way comes around.I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.The best thing about this is that God is there to help anyone who is tempted to sin and he is there to help with the removal of any sort of temptation.It is wonderful that I am not alone in my struggle.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though it will be rocky for a while,is still ongoing.I have a wonderful and very eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and headed over to the church for the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service were equally wonderful.It was also a special day for me because I am now officially a member of the church and will be able to participate in many of the things that the church members do.I am looking forward to next week as I am now a reinstated member of the church as a whole.It was a very happy day for me.After some wonderful fellowship with the members and getting their congratulations for me now being a member officially,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my home suit,which is a sweat suit.I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I had a light lunch.After lunch,I turned on the TV and watched some classic TV reruns.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.For me,though I have said it several other times,but I really mean it when I say this;For me,going to church on Sunday always makes the day eventful for me.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
My father also came back today from his weekend trip.He will be heading back to North Carolina early Tuesday morning.
Though my road to recovery in still ongoing,despite a rocky road that I am on as a result of my mom's passing,I am still dealing and struggling,on a daily basis,with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It is just the way it goes with having this terrible condition.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I still attend therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply take it to both God and Christ and they help in sustaining me.After telling them about my struggle,I feel a tad better and I can move on.I still do what my therapists tell me to do,but both God and Christ give power beyond what any human therapy can give.It is simply a matter of talking about the struggle with God and his son Jesus Christ and they help in getting me through it.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated a throbbing erection away and it was all emotional.I just grabbed myself and I gave in.I really felt miserable after that and I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sin and after that,I feel better.I am forgiven and I can now forget the sin.This also shows me that I will have to have the strength and the courage to ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me get through these trying and emotional times.It is a very difficult time for me right now as a result of my mom passing away and I really need the strength and the courage to ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations.I am also asking for prayers and support from those who regularly read my blog and please leave an encouraging comment or two for me so I can carry on and try to be strong to fight and resist any sort of temptations.I would really appreciate that.I will still do my part,but I do need the help,support,encouragement and prayers of those who read and follow my blog.Thanks in advance to everyone for everything that they offer.
Tomorrow,I have a building and improving self esteem group that I am looking forward to attending.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still a little rocky,moves forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After cleaning myself up,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things planned.I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to see if I could find some steel grip glue.After that,I decided to take a drive out to see how a friend of mine has been doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery moves forward,the road will still be rocky for a while.I am still dealing with the affects of my mother passing away.It isn't going to be easy,but I need to learn how to manage without her.I am still struggling,on a daily basis,with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the BPD struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.I am still attending therapy and I am still taking my medication.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about my struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I feel a tad better.It is simply a matter of taking it up with God and Christ and letting them help ease my pain and suffering.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was a very overwhelming temptation and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this.I turned to the left side and just didn't touch my genitals and after that,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I did escape this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with the unnatural desires that I have and at times,the war cam seem too impossible to fight,but I also keep in mind that with God,all things are possible and the battle can be won.I am still going to continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for it's own good.With God and Christ leading the way,I feel better knowing that I am not alone in this fight and that is very reassuring.It is simply a matter of throwing the temptation on God and ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to get me through it and to help me to resist the temptation and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I ever do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I feel better knowing that I am forgiven and that God has forgotten my sin.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have church as usual,including the Holy Bible study class before the worship service.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still rocky,continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had some stuff planned.
For the next two days,including today,I have the house all to myself.My locally living sister is spending the weekend in New York City.My father is visiting relatives in Pennsylvania and will be meeting up with my youngest nephew where he is camping.My flight attendant sister will be going back home to Florida soon.I am all alone here in the house as I felt that I needed some time to myself after having people coming in or out of the house as result of my mom's illness and her passing a week ago.So,I am taking this opportunity to spend some time alone and just hang out for a spell.
After doing my PC work,I headed for the group site to drop off an application for added benefits.After doing that,I had lunch at a local kitchen and after that,I visited with a friend for a few minutes.After spending some time with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my prescription refill.After paying the co-pay for that,I headed over to my sister's house to pick up my laundry.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put my laundry away and I relaxed for a while.I also managed to get some work done that I have been putting off for quite some time.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
Though my recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It has been a little bit harder now since my mom has passed away and I am going to need all the help and support that I can get to get me through this.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.It also makes my SSA struggles very difficult as well.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more than anything as they have power far beyond what any human therapy can give.I simply talk about my struggles with God in the name of Christ Jesus,his son,and I feel only a little bit better.It is still difficult in itself,but talking with God and Christ and letting them take the wheel makes it a tad easier.It also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.It is simply a matter of talking about the BPD/Schizophrenia combination struggle with God and his son Christ Jesus and I feel a tad better knowing that I am not alone.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated until ejaculation.I really felt terrible after doing that,even though this fall was emotional mostly with only a little lusting involved.After cleaning myself up after giving in,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I went back to sleep.Though I do truly and sincerely believe that I am forgiven for my sins,I have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form the temptation might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with these fleshly and unnatural desires as they want me to do one thing,which is wrong,when I want to do another thing,which is right.I want to do everything that God's sacred word,the Holy Bible,says,but these unnatural desires that I have want me to do the opposite.I want to do what is right,but these unnatural desires that I have want me to do wrong,such as indulging in sinful sexual activity with members of my own gender.I am always fighting these desires as they never seem to let up.I am going to have to learn to be string enough to take these types of temptations to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help give me the strength to resist these immoral snares that want to envelope me and rule my life.I want to tell my desires that I won them and that they don't own me.I am going to have to continue to rely on God and Christ more whenever these desires try to overwhelm me greatly.I am in a period of great emotional distress and vulnerability as a result of my mother passing away last Friday and I really need all the prayers and support that I can get.To those who follow my blog and read the posts,please pray for me and ask God and his son Jesus Christ to help get me through this emotionally trying time.Thanks in advance for prayers and support.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still rocky,continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did only 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
My father and I first went to the local Social Security office to try and straighten some things out and it took shorter than we anticipated.After that,we headed straight home.
When we got home,my father took a walk over to my sister's house and I decided to finish that 1/4 of my personal PC work.
After that was done,I went to get ready for my spirituality group.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there hoping for it to be wonderful.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch.After eating,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to turn in a few empty cans and bottles.After that was done,I stopped over to see how a friend of mine was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my recovery continues onward,the rad is going to be rocky for a while as I am still learning how to cope without my mom being around.Her death was hard on the family,especially myself.My symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having it is going to be getting worse.I am going to experience mood changes and everything as I am trying to continue to hold on.I am just trying to hold my own and I must admit that it isn't easy.I will still never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.Plus,the schizophrenic tendencies that I have are also getting worse.But I am going to continue hanging in there and going the course of life.I will also continue going to my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am also going to continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle with the double mental illness whammy that I have seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle and endure.I will continue talking about my struggles with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too impossible to handle as I know that both God and Christ will be there to help.I simply talk about this with them and after that,I feel a tad better knowing that I am not alone in my struggle.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was very overwhelming.I really had the overwhelming desire to grab my genitals and masturbate,but I fought it,I started to sit up and as I did,the erection started to soften and I sat up for a while until my genitals were finally soft enough for me to lie down and go back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a constant fight against these unnatural desires that I have and at times,the war can be really difficult.I am always getting tempted to masturbate and watch porn or do both.It also adds some stress to my life as well.But again,I am still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever it seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.Whenever the temptations to act out come around,I simply throw the temptations on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.It is simply a matter of taking it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ in prayer and talking about the temptation and asking them for help in sustaining me.If I ever do give into temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I feel better as I am forgiven and my sins are forgotten by God.It also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for all of their help.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still a little rocky,continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I had to do some running for my sister and when I got home,I did my personal PC work.I then got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had some stuff that I needed to do.I first went to the local public assistance office to pick up an application.After that,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to turn in some empty cans and bottles that had accumulated in my car over several weeks.After turning all of those in,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,the road is still rocky as a result of my mom now dead.It hasn't been easy for me as I continue to struggle with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I never know how my mood will be.It is always unpredictable.It is now a little more rougher with my mom being dead and I am still in recovery from the shock of that and also,the hard and long road that goes with to overcome the hurt,sadness and the feeling of absence that goes with the loss of a family member,especially when it's own mother.The schizophrenic tendencies that I have are also getting worse as a result of that.I will still continue to take my medication and continue my therapy sessions.While the road right now is rough and it is very difficult,I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.It can get very overwhelming.I simply take my struggles and talk about them with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.The struggle when someone has a double whammy,BPD and schizophrenia mixed in,like I have is very difficult,but with God and Christ being there,it makes it a tad easier.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.This was a very overwhelming urge that I had to masturbate and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and stayed sitting up until the erection softened and when it did,I tried to go back to sleep,but had to get up again to use the bathroom and after I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I later gave into another temptation by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near to the point of orgasm and stopping.There was also some lusting involved as well.With that,I asked God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I felt better and all,but I still have to have the strength to resist this and ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me strength to fight and resist this particular urge whenever it comes.I am now at a very vulnerable state right now and I am being tempted to act out on thee unnatural desires that I have in a lot of ways and forms.I really need prayers from everyone who follows this blog and reads what I post here.I am in desperate need of prayers right now and they will all be appreciated.I will also continue to praying to God in the name of Christ Jesus myself as I could now use all the strength that I can muster up to fight and resist these sinful urges.I am hoping that I can be strong in this period of weakness and vulnerability.Yes,I need prayers desperately and I will also continue to pray myself.Thanks in advance for any prayers said.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Spirituality group and lunch at the local kitchen.I have no other plans for the rest of the day,but I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though it will be rocky for a while,continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.I had a few things planned and I wanted to get them done.
I first had to call the local Social Services office to make an appointment to discuss some things with them,mostly personal,and after that was done,I simply relaxed for a while.
After a while,I decided to go out and run a few errands.I still have to work on keeping busy.I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things and after paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed for a while after doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,it is going to be rocky for a while and I am going to need all the help and support that I can get.I am glad to have my family and some caring friends from church and otherwise.It is still not going to be easy as I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.Last night,depression started to set in as a result of my mom's passing on Friday and the emotional eulogy that I gave.It is going to take me a while to start getting back where I would like to be emotionally and also,I have to also battle the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.I will continue my therapy and continue taking my medication as directed.I will also continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle, because without them,I feel that I won't make it through anything.I can never go it alone as that would be impossible.The battle with the symptoms of BPD with schizophrenia mixed in is difficult enough and going it alone is out of the question.I continue to rely on God and Christ more and when I talk about my struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ,I feel a tad better and it makes it only a tad easier.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that I never have have to go it alone.Thanks to both God and Christ Jesus for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This temptation was yet another overwhelming one and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and as I was sitting up,the erection started to soften and I also had to use the bathroom,which I did use and after I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I gave into a later temptation to manipulate my genitalia for the purposes of getting them erect and/or near orgasm and stop and yes,it was to sexual images of men for lustful and forbidden purposes.It wasn't any man that I know personally,it was simply images of men in general.After I did this,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive and after I was finished,I felt better and I went about my day.I am now becoming even more aware that Satan is using my struggles with SSA in hopes of me deciding to go back to the so called "Homosexual/Gay" lifestyle,but I am working on not giving them the satisfaction that Satan feels that he deserves and I refuse to surrender to the unnatural desires that I have to indulge in sinful sexual activity with another man or other men.I have to work on staying strong and showing these unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not them owning me.Regarding masturbation,I also have to show my male sexuality that I also own it and not it owning me,as masturbation is mostly being enslaved to your own sexuality and not making your sexuality a slave.I will still continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too impossible for me to endure or fight.I have to keep throwing any sort of temptations on them and having those temptations be reduced to nil.If I do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I feel better knowing that I am forgiven for my sin and that God forgets sins once forgiven.It is a pleasure to worship God and also,learn how to properly serve him in the name of his son Jesus Christ.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I still have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,though it will be rocky for a while,my road to recovery is ongoing.I had an eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had quite a few things to do today.
After making a few important phone calls,I went to my building and improving self esteem group and was looking forward to this.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put everything away and I started to get ready for the memorial service for my mom.
The memorial service lasted for a while and everyone that my mom knew and everyone that I knew were there.It was wonderful seeing all the people who came and it was great that they also shared their condolences and shared in our grief.After it was over,we made preparations for the burial and we all headed for home.
When I got home,I had a light meal and got ready for bed.Overall,an eventful day and I still managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my recovery in ongoing,I will still be on a rocky road for a while as a result of my mom being no longer with us.The symptoms of BPD that I have are actually getting worse for now and also,the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD are also getting worse.I know that this is only temporary as this will reduce itself in time.I will continue taking my medication and keeping up with my therapy.I will also still continue to rely on both God and Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for it's own good.I simply talk about my struggles with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I feel a tad better.It is simply a matter of continually talking to to God and asking him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to get me through it all and after that,it is in their hands and I can feel better a little bit knowing that they are there.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes me feel a tad good.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.This was a very overwhelming temptation and I had to use all my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and since I had to use the bathroom,I went to the bathroom and used it and after that,the erection softened and I went back to sleep after that.Though I did escape this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it comes in,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have and at times,it seems that they are winning and that I should surrender.But I won't surrender as I refuse to do so.I can't let these desires that I have win.I have to stay strong and show them that I won them and not the other way around.When it does become seemingly too unbearable,I still rely on both God and his son Jesus whenever that happens.If I am ever really tempted,I simply take the temptation to God and throw it on him in Jesus name and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil and I feel better.If I ever do give into any sort of temptation,I ask God to forgive me for sinning in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,all is forgiven and forgotten by God and I can move on.It shows that I am not alone in my fight or struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ