Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I simply went out to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed and after paying for that,I headed for a local Salvation Army thrift store to look around,but didn't buy anything.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and caught up on some reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have to deal with schizophrenic tendencies at the same time.This psychiatric double whammy that I have is a really difficult thing to deal with as well as endure.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply bring this particular struggle to my Heavenly Father in prayer.I ask him to get me through in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me and keeping me level.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me during the wee early morning hours when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I turned to the opposite side and when that didn't work,I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed,which made the erection die down and I didn't lay back down until my genitals were fully soft.I went back to sleep after laying back down.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in sinful things that are connected with SSA.I was tempted to watch online porn.I was also tempted to lust and fantasize after other men and also,to manipulate my genitals alongside that particular temptation because sexual images of men were flooding my mind.I also got tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I stayed home as I didn't want to feed that urge.I kept up in prayer to my Heavenly Father all day as these temptation kept coming at me.I asked him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these urges as they came at me.I didn't want to fall again as I did three consecutive times this week,as I am still having anxiety over the whole situation of me looking for work,and not getting any calls from the places that I applied to for an interview.I have been making that a matter of prayer also and I keep praying about it constantly.While I have been doing that,I am also again asking that all of you keep up in prayer for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time.I am also asking that all of you to please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also make me even more determined to continue in my goals to overcome this terrible SSA,and to continue in my journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I haven't made any other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I Had a few things planned.
The main thing that I had planned was that I went to a local place to fill out a handwritten job application in and also,I included my resume and the business card for the counselor of the local job placement agency.After doing that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and caught up on some reading that I have been putting off.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply take this struggle to my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I really talk hard about it and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed to head for the bathroom as I had to use it.After I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went right back to bed and to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation to manipulate my genitals and yes,sexual images of men did could my mind as I did this,but fortunately,I managed to stop myself before it went too far and asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into this temptation and I did feel better as I truly believed that I was forgiven and that the slate was wiped clean.I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in same sex fantasies and lusting,but I kept up in prayer all through the day and I prayed for strength to fight and resist all of these terrible temptations that were coming at me from all sides.I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts here on my blog.I also ask that you leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.My blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave a comment of any kind.Please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in overcoming this terrible SSA and also,they motivate me to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with this terrible SSA that I am struggling with.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery still continues moving onward,despite some setbacks.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my usual spirituality group,which went well.After that,I had lunch at a local kitchen and after eating that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed and caught up on some reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
My rocky road to recovery has been moving onward.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It is never an easy thing to deal and struggle with as it keeps getting tougher and tougher by the day.If having to deal and struggle with BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult to deal with.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with and endure the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply pray hard about this struggle and I talk to my Heavenly Father about it in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me and also,they both help keep me on a normal level plain.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel only a little bit better as I still have to contend with the varied and complex emotional patterns of this psychiatric double whammy that I have.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am going to say some things here and I am going to be very blunt and honest in regards to this.I have given into temptation three times this week.Yes,I have fallen and though it has made me miserable,I do truly believe that I have been forgiven by my Heavenly Father as I truly believes that he does forgive in an extremely huge way and through the power of his son Jesus Christ,I know that my slate of sins has been wiped clean.The reason why I have been falling so much this week is because I have been very overly anxious lately in regards to finding a new job.I have put in many applications online and in person and so far,I haven't received any calls for an interview.I have been trying and waiting in vain to find work and keep hoping that I get a call to come in for an interview at any/all of the places that I have applied.This anxiety that I have been feeling is behind my three consecutive falls this week as I fell again in the late afternoon yesterday.I am not saying that the anxiety is excusing it,but it is behind why I have been falling so much as of late.Again,I am not saying that it excuses the failings,but that they motivated them.I am really in desperation in regards to looking for a new job as I love to work hard for my money and be dedicated in doing the hard work that I am assigned.It is just that I love to work and I am hoping something comes soon.Today,I was tempted minimally,but I did pray for strength to fight and resist these minimal temptations,but temptation is still temptation no matter how minimum or maximum it can be.Tomorrow,I am going to go to a place where I applied online and submit a hand written application to them as I called them yesterday and I asked about the status of my application as I did apply online and they simply advised me to come into their office and fill out an hand written one as well.I am going to make copies of my resume so I can something to staple onto the application and I am also going to staple a business card of the job placement counselor that has been working with me.I know that I shouldn't be overly anxious about things as the Holy Bible advises those who are believers not be to be overly anxious,but I am a human being and I do have anxieties of every kind.I am not only human,but also imperfect,and I do sin and fall short from time to time.I mean,just because I am a believer and I do pray,and I do go to church each and every Sunday,doesn't mean that I an not infallible.I am still a fallible human being and I do and will fall short from time to time.The best thing about that is that my Heavenly Father is there to forgive me whenever I do.He forgives me in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever I ask to be forgiven for sinning and falling short.Aside from the job hunting anxiety,I still get pressure from mental health professionals to go out and live the sinful sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle,but I already know that this is not what my Heavenly Father intended for anyone of us to live.Our Heavenly Father created male and female and we are all biologically hard-wired for male/female compatibility as anything else other than that is unacceptable to him.Our Heavenly Father doesn't recognize Homosexual/Gay sexual activity or anything connected with it.He only recognizes healthy and happy Heterosexuality and accepts no substitutes.I have to continue keeping that latter in mind day in and day out each and every day.It isn't easy,but I am still working on that and trying to keep my mind clear of any other alternative worldly thinking in the area of sexuality.To everyone who follows my blog and reads that posts,I am again asking that all of you keep up in prayer for me and also to please leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.One of my blog followers and good friends has done that and I am extremely grateful to him for doing that.I am again asking that many other followers to do those very same things.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this struggle and make me even more determined to continue in overcoming this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of my followers for their prayers and their encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of going to file a hand written application at a place where I applied online,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda today.
After having a light lunch at home,I went out to get my hair cut and after that,I went to do a little bit of shopping at the local Super Wal-Mart.After doing that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did a little bit of reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While mt rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a little bit better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation by masturbating.I really felt terrible after that and feeling so remorseful after doing this,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and also begged for my Heavenly Father to show me his mercy as I did this as I was really and truly sorry and repentant for doing this.I did feel better after doing so as I truly believed that I was truly forgiven and that my slate of sins were wiped clean.I did keep busy throughout the day so I wouldn't fall again.I am going to have to try and keep working on praying hard whenever these sorts of temptations come around.I don't want to keep falling every time I turn around.I know that my Heavenly Father forgives in a large way,but I don't want to feel that I am abusing this.I am still going through a lot of emotional issues and I am anxious as I want to find a job,but so far,though I have turned in applications,I haven't heard from none of the places that I have applied to as of yet.I am still hoping that I will indeed find a new job and I have been praying continually for that as well.I am asking that all of you keep up in prayer for me and also please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this struggle and fight.They also make me even more determined to continue in my goals to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of my usual Thursday morning spirituality group,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went out to drop off some free newspapers at a few select people's houses.After that,I turned in a couple of applications for employment at a couple of local places.After that,I paid a visit to a friend to see how they were doing.After spending a few minutes with them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and caught up on some reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing with the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the symptoms of that disorder.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the daily,or at times,the minute/moment changes of my mood,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia,such as hearing sounds and/or voices that nobody else but me hears.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply take this to my Heavenly Father and I really talk hard about this particular struggle and I share this with him in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in keeping me sustained and also,to keep me on a normal level plain.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning when I masturbated.There was some lusting and fantasizing involved in this and yes,I gave into it.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sins and I did feel better afterwards as I truly believed that I was truly forgiven and my sins were forgotten by him.I kept up in prayer all day to my Heavenly Father as the temptations kept coming at me.I didn't want to fall short again and I kept up in prayer all day and tried to stay as busy as I could while trying to keep my mind on all things holy.I am again asking that all of you who follow my blogs and read my posts to please keep up in prayer for me as I am going through a really difficult emotional time.I am also asking that you all leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going.Please leave me words of encouragement in the comments section and also,please keep up in prayer for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a couple of things planned.
I had to pay a visit to the job placement counselor today to talk with him about a few things.After the 10 minute meeting,which went well,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch and I finished eating,I headed straight home.
When I got home,as a result of the day being rainy,I stayed home and finished my personal PC work.I also did some work around the house that I needed to do.After finishing that,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,enduring and putting up with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have to endure and put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have,which makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggles seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply throw this struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden as Psalm 55:22 says to do and I ask for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me endure and get me through the negatives and the difficulties and they both help in not only sustaining me,but also work with me to keep me on a normal level plain.It makes me feel a tad better knowing that they are there.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning when yet another erection woke me up out of a deep sleep,though it didn't last long.I turned to my left side and I asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to help me fight and resist this temptation and as I prayed,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies and lusting after other men and also,to manipulate my genitals alongside this.I asked my Heavenly Father for strength to fight and resist all of these temptations because they were really overwhelming.After praying,I felt much stronger and more able to carry on throughout the day.I kept up in prayer and I felt better doing so.Though I have been doing this,I am still asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to continue praying for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time.I also ask that you leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section as well.I need some encouraging words,alongside the prayers,to help keep me going in this fight and struggle as they both make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal form the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed real quickly and I headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the study class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my casual clothes.I had a light lunch and did my personal PC work.
I also decided to pay a visit to a friend who I hadn't seen in a while to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I decided to relax and do a little reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day as for me,going to church every Sunday makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still enduring the whole struggle with the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the nasty symptoms that this type of disorder has.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day or at other times,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult as I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia alongside the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply take this particular struggle to my Heavenly Father and ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me endure through this difficult struggle with this psychiatric disability that I have and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better as both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ are leading the way.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to indulge in masturbation during the wee early morning hours and yes,sexual images of men were also clouding my mind.I sat up and proceeded to walk to the bathroom as I had to go and that made the erection soften and when I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went right back to bed and also,right back to sleep.I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in sinful sexual fantasizing and lusting after other men and yes,the temptation to manipulate my genitals to get them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping was not far behind.I prayed to my Heavenly Father all through the day whenever these temptations came around.I asked for strength to help me fight and resist all of these temptations and I asked him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I felt better after doing so and also,much stronger.While I am doing that,I am again asking for prayers by all of you who follow my blog and read the posts here.Please continue in prayer for me and also,please don't forget to leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.My blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but when they visit,they rarely leave comments.Plus,when comments aren't left,I feel that I am struggling alone and that nobody cares about helping someone like me.Please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I continually ask this because both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in overcoming this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA that I struggle with.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of an appointment that I have with my job placement counselor,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I headed over to my Men's Network meeting.
The meeting was wonderful and I got a lot out of it.After the meeting was over,I headed over to a nearby Salvation Army thrift store and found some really nice things there.After that,I went to a nearby Dollar Tree store to check out and see if they had anything that I was looking for,but they didn't,and I went to the public library and did a little bit of computer work and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store and found exactly what I was looking for there.After paying for these things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and while doing that,I listened to an online sermon.After that was done,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.The emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD can be pretty tiresome and monotonous,but I am hanging in there and still alive.My moods and/or emotions can go from up and feeling good one day or one minute/moment and at times,down and feeling not so good the next day or minute/moment.If that wasn't bad enough,I also have hallucinations at times.At times,I hear footsteps that nobody else hears and at other times,hearing voices calling me and seeing that on both occasions that nobody is there.As I said,it can get pretty monotonous and tiresome at times and I wish that I didn't have to go through any of these things.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply take it to my Heavenly Father whenever this struggle tries to wear me down and I ask him to help me endure in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help me in keeping me sustained and also,they keep me on a healthy and normal plain.It shows that I am not alone here and that is great.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I manipulated my genitalia until it ejaculated and yes,there was also lusting and fantasizing with other men involved with this as well.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I did feel better after doing so.I was also again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed and that is what softened my genitals and when they were fully soft,I went back to bed and to sleep.Throughout the rest of the day,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in Homosexual/Gay themed lusting and fantasies and also,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of attaining near/full erection and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.I didn't want to fall and sin again like I did late last night.I did keep up in prayer to my Heavenly Father all day and kept asking for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I did feel a measure of strength as I did so.I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue in prayer for me and also,I am again asking that all of you please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as I do need some words of encouragement to help keep me going in this fight and struggle alongside your prayers.Please continue in prayer for me and also,please leave an encouraging word or two for me when you visit.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for all that they do to help out and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church in the morning,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
After having a light lunch,I went out to do a few important things that I needed to get done.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things and after that,I headed out to a gas station to get some gas in my tank and after that,I headed for a bargain outlet close-out store to pick up something that I really needed.After paying for that,I headed to the local K-Mart to pick up a few other things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still battling the symptoms and the consistent emotional roller coaster ride of BPD.I am always battling the symptoms of this,with my moods and/or emotions varying by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.Aside from the BPD struggle,I also have to struggle with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia,which makes my BPD struggles even more difficult,as I also have to put up with hearing things,such as voices calling out to me or the sound of footsteps,and then turning around only to find that there is nobody or anything there.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply take this particular struggle to my Heavenly Father and I pray about it in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I leave nothing out.I always feel a tad better after that as both of them help in sustaining me and also,make me feel more at ease.It also shows that I don't have to struggle with this alone.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed and walk and that is what made the erection soften.After doing a little bit of walking,the erection was dead and I went right back to bed and to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into yet another temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.There was some lusting after other men as sexual images of them did cloud my mind and it lead to me fantasizing about them.Fortunately,I managed to stop this and immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and as usual,I felt much better as I truly believed that I was forgiven for my sins and that they were forgotten by my Heavenly Father.I kept up in prayer all day as I was being tempted left and right.I didn't want to fall again and I also didn't want to act out with lusting and fantasies.I kept asking in prayer for strength to fight and resist all of these terrible temptations and I did feel much stronger after each prayer.Though I have been doing this,I am again asking that all of you who continue to follow my blog and read my posts to continue praying for me.I am still going through a rough and difficult emotional time and I need all the prayers that I can get.I also ask that you also please leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.My blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments.Please leave an encouraging comment or two for me in the comments section as I could also use some words of encouragement.Prayers and words of encouragement both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in overcoming and healing from this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouraging words.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my Men's Network group meeting,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and headed to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group.I overslept and didn't have the time to really get to doing my personal PC work,so I put it off until later.
The group meting went as well as expected.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch and after I was finished,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I relaxed for a while.
Later on,I went over to my niece's house for dinner,which saved me from cooking.After I was finished,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from day to day,or at other times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply take this particular struggle to my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in keeping me sustained and also,they both help me in keeping me at a normal level plain.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel only a tad better as I am still battling the issues connected with the double whammy that I have for a psychiatric disability.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.Since I had to use the bathroom,I got out of bed and started towards there.As I headed for there,the erection started to soften and when I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went back to bed and to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into yet another later temptation by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.Yes,sexual images of men clouded my mind while doing that and I gave into the temptation to fantasize and lust after them.Fortunately for me,I was able to stop myself before it went too far and asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into that particular temptation and I did feel better after that as I truly believed that I was truly forgiven and that the slate was wiped clean.I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in same sex sexual fantasies and to also manipulate my genitals to these sexual images of men.I kept up in prayer all day to my Heavenly Father and asked him for strength to help me resist all of these temptations that kept coming at me from all sides and each and every temptation was stronger than the last.I kept asking my Heavenly Father for strength all day as I didn't want to fall as I am really and truly serious about wanting to be free from the trap of SSA and the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.It is just that lately these temptations have been coming at me from all sides and they keep getting stronger and stronger with each resistance.While I have been keeping up in prayer all day to my Heavenly Father and been keeping up day after day,I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue in prayer for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time and also,please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as I really could use some encouragement right now.Please don't be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going.Yes,they really do.Please keep up in prayer and when you visit my blog,please leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and also,provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first dropped my laundry off at my niece's house and after that,I headed over to a local supermarket to turn in some bottles that I had and I also picked something up that I needed.After that,I headed over to the post office to get a money order to pay my car insurance and after that,I headed over to my insurance agent's office to pay the bill.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the bills that I got from the bottles at the Where's George site and after that,I relaxed for a bit to head over to my niece's house for dinner.I stayed over there for a while and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and watched a little bot of TV.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.If not having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they not only help in sustaining me,but also help to keep me on a steady plain.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I turned to the left side of the bed and when that didn't work,I sat up for a while and then proceeded to get out of bed,which made the erection soften and when my genitals were fully soft,I went right back to sleep.Throughout the rest of the day,I wasn't tempted to do anything in regards to acting out on SSA and that was good.I kept busy throughout the day doing what I had to do and nothing of any sorts came to my mind.Though I did escape today,I still have to keep in mind that tomorrow is another day and there are also other days as well.I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to continue in prayer for me and also,to please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome SSA and also to continue in my healing journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of my usual Thursday morning spirituality group,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money to pay an important bill.After that,I headed back home to register the bills and after that,I paid the bill and I also returned to the bank to pay another bill.After that,I dropped some newspapers off at a few people's places and after that was done,I sent out another payment through the post office and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did a little bit more personal PC work.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at other times,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me and keeping me at a steady level plain.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection,though it didn't last very long.I had to get up and use the bathroom and I headed for there and as I was doing that,the erection started to soften and was fully dead when I was finished.I went right back to sleep after I was finished.Though I escaped this episode,I gave into yet another later temptation when images of men clouded my mind and I gave into the temptation to lust and fantasize by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.Fortunately,I managed to stop myself before it went too far and I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I did feel much better as I truly believed that I was forgiven and that my sin was forgotten by my Heavenly Father.Since I was out for much of the day,I was tempted to do anything,such as lust and fantasize and that was very good.I went through the rest of the day without anything to worry about.Though I did get through the rest of this day,there is still tomorrow and the day after that and so on.I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue in prayer for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time and also,to please leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.My bog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rare.Please leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle and make me even more determined to overcome and heal from this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I watched another MASH marathon on TVLand and after that was over,I did my personal PC work and after that,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had a few things on my agenda today.I first went to the local Sears to pay a much overdue bill and after that,I headed over to a nearby supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up some much needed groceries.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and relaxed while watching a little bit more TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggles seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that is not only great,but makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I sat up and proceeded to go the bathroom as I had to use it and after I was finished,the erection fully softened and I went back to sleep.Though I did escape this episode,I did give into a later temptation to fantasize and lust after other men,and I did manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping to the sexual images of men that clouded my mind.I stopped myself and I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and I did feel better and I also truly believed that I was truly forgiven and that my sin was forgotten.Throughout the rest of the day,I kept busy doing what I had to do so I wouldn't be tempted as much and it did work.I kept busy and the images didn't cloud my mind nor did I get the temptation to manipulate my genitals.While I did get through the rest of the day without a scratch,I am again asking that all of you continue praying for me and please don't forget to leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Please leave me an encouraging word or two as both your prayers and encouraging words help keep me going in this particular struggle and make me even more determined to continue in overcoming and healing from SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and headed for the church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Target to pick up a small bottle of juice for breakfast tomorrow.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a pair of lounge pants.I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I had lunch.After that,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day,as for me,going to church on Sunday always makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggles seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply place this struggle in the hands of my heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me and keeping me on a level plain.It does make me feel a tad better when they are taking the lead and getting me through the difficulties of this double whammy of a psychiatric disability that I have.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything they do to help me through all of these difficulties connected with the psychiatric double whammy that I have.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection,though it didn't last very long.I had to get up and use the bathroom and so,I headed for there and as I was going there,the erection started to soften and was fully soft when I was finished.I went right back to sleep afterwards.I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies and lusting after other men,but this time,it wasn't as strong as it was the last two weeks up to my falling yesterday.I did pray to my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever these temptations came at me and I asked for strength to fight and resist.I did feel better after praying and I did feel stronger after that.I am again asking for prayers by all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts here.I also need some encouraging words shared by all of you as well.It is just that my blog gets many visitors,but comments of any kind are rare.Please pray for me and please leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in my goals to overcome this terrible SSA and for me to also continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA,Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Christ Jesus as well for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to the public library to print something important.After that,I headed over to a nearby Dollar Tree store to pick up something that I needed.After that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby office surplus store to make copies of my resume.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation during the wee early morning hours when I masturbated an erection away and yes,I was lusting and fantasizing after other men while I did that.I felt so miserable after falling and I hated it that I did.After washing my hands,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I felt better as I truly believed that my sins were forgiven and that the slate was wiped clean.I did keep busy throughout the rest of the day as I was out of the house for much of the day.I simply kept busy and through the rest of the day,I didn't get tempted very much.Though I fell today,I wanted to try and not fall again,though it wasn't easy.I think that it's because I am trying to start relationships with other men and I am striking out big time.I keep asking myself "What am I doing wrong?"The only men that I know are those who make obnoxious and sexist remarks about things having to do with sinful sexual activity and it does throw me off when they do that.I am now really desperate as I am trying to start these types of relationships.I am again appealing to all of my blog followers who have been reading my blog and following it to please keep praying for me as I am going through this rough emotional time.I also ask that you please leave me an encouraging word or two for me as your prayers and your encouragement both help keep me going.I feel like that I am being ignored here and I hate being ignored.Please pray for me and leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for doing that.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw a little bit of money and after that,I went to get some gas at a local gas station.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a movie.
I also had to babysit for my niece as she went to work and I watched her kids until her live in boyfriend came home.When he did,I headed for home.
On the way home,I was thinking of going to get some take out food,but my niece gave me a few hot dogs to eat and instead,I went to get a loaf of rye bread and a can of baked beans at a couple of local stores.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I ate what I had bought and watched a little TV.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.As I go from day to day,I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult and/or overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a little bit better as I am still coping with the issues connected with my psychiatric disability.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me again at two separate intervals during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections at both these intervals.I sat up on both occasions and though it was slow going,the erections softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this double whammy,I was still tempted throughout the day to indulge in lusting and fantasies with images other men and to also manipulate my genitals to these lustful and fantasy images.I prayed real hard for strength to fight and resist these temptations.I asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to fight and resist these overwhelming urges and I did feel better after doing so.The struggle with SSA is a difficult one indeed,but I can't let these unnatural sexual desires that I have own me nor envelope me.I have to show them that I own them and not the other way around.It is difficult,but I know that it can be done.I am again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads that posts that I write here.I also ask that you please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I need encouragement and the more I get,the more determined I become.The more prayers I get,the more I want to continue in pursuit of overcoming this terrible SSA and heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my weekly spirituality group and it went well.After the group was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Big Lots to pick up something that I needed and after paying for that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up something else that I needed.After paying for that item,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I finished my personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and took it easy for a while and watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both not only help in sustaining me,but also,they both help keep me level and at a hopeful and optimistic plain and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.I turned the opposite way that I was sleeping and though it was slow,the erection did die down and I went back to sleep.I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in same sex fantasies and lusting and also,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping to these lustful and fantasy images of men.I kept up in prayer all day to my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I kept asking him for strength to fight and resist all of these temptations and I felt better as I felt much stronger and went with the rest of the day and I prayed whenever these overwhelming urges kept coming at me.I am also again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to continue praying for me and also,to please leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging do help keep me going in this fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA and to also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and since I had nothing to do today,I simply stayed home and caught up on some my reading.After doing a little bit of reading,I did a little work around the house and when that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at other times,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply take this particular struggle to my Heavenly Father,pray about it in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.This shows me that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me again during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection and this time,the urge to masturbate it away was really overwhelming.I turned to the opposite side of the bed while staying in bed and though it was slow,the erection softened and I went right back to sleep.Throughout the rest of the day,I tried to keep busy at home by doing things around the house and cleaning up here and there to try and keep my mind off of anything sexual with men.Though it has been sporadic,I have been tempted to indulge in fantasies and lusting after other men and at times,it has made me give into the temptation of manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.I am really serious about wanting to heal from this terrible condition and I really don't want to fall again.The temptation to act out on these unnatural sexual desires that I have can be very overwhelming and very difficult to resist.I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue in prayer for me as I am going through this really difficult time and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of my weekly spirituality group and lunch at a local kitchen afterwards,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I had only a couple things on my agenda for today.I first went to a local bargain outlet store to pick up some cereal as I ran out of it today.After paying for that,I proceeded to drop off some newspapers at a few people's homes in the area that I knew.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the cereal that I bought away and I was hoping to relax and catch up on some reading that I had been putting off,but had to babysit for my niece while she went to workI watched her kids until her live in boyfriend came home from work.When he did,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I fixed my evening meal.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at other times,by the minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia alongside the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular and difficult struggle with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.This shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and it does make me feel only a little bit better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me again during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection,but it didn't last very long.I started sitting up and that is what made the erection soften and after a while of sitting up,my genitals were fully soft and I went right back to sleep when they were.Though I did escape this episode,I did give into two later temptations when I,at two separate intervals in the morning,manipulated my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping and yes,there was lusting and fantasizing with other men involved with this fall as well.I asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for falling and I did feel better as I truly believed that I was forgiven and that my sin was forgotten.I was tempted throughout the day to act out in many ways,such as fantasies,lusting and also,to manipulate my genitals to these lustful and fantasy images of men.I asked my Heavenly Father to give me the strength to fight and resist these urges in the name of his son Jesus Christ as I know that lust is sinful and must not be fed in any way.I also have to show these lustful thoughts and desires that I own them and not they owning me.I kept up in prayer all day as I went through these terrible lustful images and thoughts.The more resistance that I put up,the more stronger the lust becomes and I must remain strong.I have to keep asking my Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ,his son,to keep giving me strength to fight and resist these temptations.While I am doing this and trying to rely more on God than on my own strength,I am again asking that all of you to continue to pray for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time and also,that none of you be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors,but comments are rare.Please don't be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in my goals to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for all of your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Happy Memorial Day,everyone.
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I put a pair of sweat pants on and decided to simply take it easy as I didn't have anything else to do today.I never have nothing to do when holidays,such as Memorial Day, come around.
I simply watched TV for most of the day.There was a special MASH marathon on TVLand and I sat and watched it and it all ended with the series finale "Goodbye,Farewell and Amen."It was really a blast watching this marathon.MASH happens to be one of my favorite classic TV shows.Since I had nothing to do or no place to go today,I simply decided to stay home and make the best of it.It was wonderful.
In between watching the non-stop episodes,I managed to have a nice lunch and relaxed for the whole day.
After eating a light dinner,I continued watching the marathon and when I was all over,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day as I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from day to day,or sometimes,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication,which was just increased,as directed.I am also still continue to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me and keeping me evenly level.It does make me feel a tad better that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that is actually very good.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning hours when another erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I sat up for a while and I proceeded to get out of bed and that is what made the erection soften.I proceeded to walk to the bathroom as I had to use it and when I was finished with what I had to do,I went right back to bed and back to sleep.Throughout the rest of the day,I wasn't tempted too do anything in regards to SSA.No images of men clouded my mind nor did any lustful and sexual thoughts of men creep up into my mind.I simply kept busy watching TV and simply keeping up with life and just enjoying the day.Though nothing happened today,there is still tomorrow and the days after that.I am again asking that all of you who follow and read the posts on my blog keep up in prayer for me as I am going through this.Please continue to pray for me as I am going through a pretty difficult emotional period even though I wasn't tempted today to do anything sexually sinful in the forms of lusting and fantasies with other members of my own gender.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this particular fight and make me even more determined to continue in my goals to overcome SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks again in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ