Saturday, February 24, 2018
Tonight,I'm feeling extremely tired and can barely type.Please continue praying for me and please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I still need all the prayerful and positive verbal support that I can get.Thanks to all of you and thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.FJ
Friday, February 23, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my coffee.I washed up and got dressed real quickly.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I showered quickly and got dressed as I headed for my church for a little charitable dinner that they were having in the fellowship hall.
The dinner was wonderful.I ate a lot and it filled me up.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into pajamas and I did my personal PC work.I then relaxed for a while as I also prepared for my evening retirement.A very good day overall.
Please continue praying for me as I am still struggling terribly with SSA.I need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also need to know that those who are praying for me haven't given up on me,although I do feel like a basket case for the constant falling and relapsing that I have been going through.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support,in the forms of spiritual upbuilding with the Holy Bible and some truly encouraging words,in the comments section.Thanks to y'all for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is the start of the weekend.With the exception of church as usual on Sunday,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my coffee.I washed up and got dressed real quickly.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I showered quickly and got dressed as I headed for my church for a little charitable dinner that they were having in the fellowship hall.
The dinner was wonderful.I ate a lot and it filled me up.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into pajamas and I did my personal PC work.I then relaxed for a while as I also prepared for my evening retirement.A very good day overall.
Please continue praying for me as I am still struggling terribly with SSA.I need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also need to know that those who are praying for me haven't given up on me,although I do feel like a basket case for the constant falling and relapsing that I have been going through.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support,in the forms of spiritual upbuilding with the Holy Bible and some truly encouraging words,in the comments section.Thanks to y'all for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is the start of the weekend.With the exception of church as usual on Sunday,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.FJ
Thursday, February 22, 2018
Possible Triggers
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up early and had coffee.After that,I washed up quickly,got dressed and headed for work.
The work day went better than the last two days.It was stressful and draining the last two days.Today,it was a little bit easier and I managed to get everything done on schedule.After the work day was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed a bit and after that,I showered.I then headed back out for a free dinner at a local church,which was wonderful.After that,I bought a few things at a local supermarket and after getting some gas,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.Later on,I prepared for my evening retirement.A pretty fair to good day overall.
In regards to my SSA struggles,I am still struggling terribly.I have had relapses over the last 2-3 days and I'm feeling miserable.I have relapsed by masturbating to numerous sexual images of men and many other things.I feel very terrible after these terrible relapses.I am also getting sick and tired of falling into these terrible sins.I have been really overwhelmed by fantasizing and lusting after these images.Each and every time I fall,I feel miserable and terrible.I feel like I have failed my Heavenly Father and even myself.I always hate myself after a relapse as this SSA struggle that I have is terrible.SSA is a terrible thing.SSA doesn't do anything to enhance lives.It only makes misery,regret,sadness,depression and confusion because the struggle is very difficult.In my case,since I have both Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia,my personal struggle is even more difficult because of my mental health issues and such.I know that I'm a person and not a diagnosis,but these mental health issues coupled with the intense emotional issues that I struggle with alongside SSA make my personal struggles with SSA more difficult.I feel that I hear voices in my head telling me to manipulate my genitals to these images and I also feel that Satan and his minions are the ones overwhelming me with these terrible images.I am also sick of hearing so much "La-Di-Da" talk about the sinful sexual lifestyle that is connected with the terrible "Same-Sex Agenda".To that agenda,their advice is to simply accept your desires and accept the identity that you have and go out and live that identity.
There's just one problem with that.The so called "Homosexual/Gay" identity is a false identity.It is not a true identity at all.The only really true identity is "Heterosexual/Straight". Even the identity of "Bisexual" is as false as "Homosexual/Gay". I don't want this identity.I want to be what I am,which is a man,and not any other identity.
I understand that the sovereign Lord and creator,our Heavenly Father,doesn't condemn anyone for having SSA or the unnatural sexual desires that go with it,but he does condemn the sexual activity associated with the SSA condition.I simply want to stop giving into these terrible and unnatural urges that I have.I also want to stop giving into the perversions that I have,which are just as terrible as the unnatural sexual desires that I have.
What am I doing wrong?
How can I stop giving into these urges?
How can I stop being enslaved by these unnatural sexual desires and perversions that I have?
How can I stop relapsing?
How can I think pure thoughts about my fellow men and not impure ones?
I need helpful answers and advice.Anything helpful that can and will help me is appreciated.You can share them in the comments section.Your helpful advice can be both encouraging words and spiritually upbuilding posts with Holy Bible scripture and many true and positive affirmations.
Please continue to say prayers for me that I can overcome these relapses and get back on the path to true healing and connecting with my true identity,which is male/man.Please continue to pray for me.I also still want to read that those who are still supporting me haven't given up on me.That would really make me feel better.It will also not make me feel so alone in my struggles as I do feel alone right now as nobody really leaves me anything in the comments section.I need some positive verbal support to help keep me going and show me that I am not facing this terrible SSA struggle alone.I need encouragement.I need reassurance.I also need affirmations and spiritually themed posts.Thanks in advance to y'all for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that all goes well.FJ
Today,I woke up early and had coffee.After that,I washed up quickly,got dressed and headed for work.
The work day went better than the last two days.It was stressful and draining the last two days.Today,it was a little bit easier and I managed to get everything done on schedule.After the work day was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed a bit and after that,I showered.I then headed back out for a free dinner at a local church,which was wonderful.After that,I bought a few things at a local supermarket and after getting some gas,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.Later on,I prepared for my evening retirement.A pretty fair to good day overall.
In regards to my SSA struggles,I am still struggling terribly.I have had relapses over the last 2-3 days and I'm feeling miserable.I have relapsed by masturbating to numerous sexual images of men and many other things.I feel very terrible after these terrible relapses.I am also getting sick and tired of falling into these terrible sins.I have been really overwhelmed by fantasizing and lusting after these images.Each and every time I fall,I feel miserable and terrible.I feel like I have failed my Heavenly Father and even myself.I always hate myself after a relapse as this SSA struggle that I have is terrible.SSA is a terrible thing.SSA doesn't do anything to enhance lives.It only makes misery,regret,sadness,depression and confusion because the struggle is very difficult.In my case,since I have both Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia,my personal struggle is even more difficult because of my mental health issues and such.I know that I'm a person and not a diagnosis,but these mental health issues coupled with the intense emotional issues that I struggle with alongside SSA make my personal struggles with SSA more difficult.I feel that I hear voices in my head telling me to manipulate my genitals to these images and I also feel that Satan and his minions are the ones overwhelming me with these terrible images.I am also sick of hearing so much "La-Di-Da" talk about the sinful sexual lifestyle that is connected with the terrible "Same-Sex Agenda".To that agenda,their advice is to simply accept your desires and accept the identity that you have and go out and live that identity.
There's just one problem with that.The so called "Homosexual/Gay" identity is a false identity.It is not a true identity at all.The only really true identity is "Heterosexual/Straight". Even the identity of "Bisexual" is as false as "Homosexual/Gay". I don't want this identity.I want to be what I am,which is a man,and not any other identity.
I understand that the sovereign Lord and creator,our Heavenly Father,doesn't condemn anyone for having SSA or the unnatural sexual desires that go with it,but he does condemn the sexual activity associated with the SSA condition.I simply want to stop giving into these terrible and unnatural urges that I have.I also want to stop giving into the perversions that I have,which are just as terrible as the unnatural sexual desires that I have.
What am I doing wrong?
How can I stop giving into these urges?
How can I stop being enslaved by these unnatural sexual desires and perversions that I have?
How can I stop relapsing?
How can I think pure thoughts about my fellow men and not impure ones?
I need helpful answers and advice.Anything helpful that can and will help me is appreciated.You can share them in the comments section.Your helpful advice can be both encouraging words and spiritually upbuilding posts with Holy Bible scripture and many true and positive affirmations.
Please continue to say prayers for me that I can overcome these relapses and get back on the path to true healing and connecting with my true identity,which is male/man.Please continue to pray for me.I also still want to read that those who are still supporting me haven't given up on me.That would really make me feel better.It will also not make me feel so alone in my struggles as I do feel alone right now as nobody really leaves me anything in the comments section.I need some positive verbal support to help keep me going and show me that I am not facing this terrible SSA struggle alone.I need encouragement.I need reassurance.I also need affirmations and spiritually themed posts.Thanks in advance to y'all for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that all goes well.FJ
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had coffee.After washing up real quick,I got dressed and headed for work.
The work day was stressful.For most of the afternoon,I and a client had to mop the floor with stripper and water as someone poured an oil based thing on the floor.It was a tough job,but it was done,though it took the rest of the afternoon to get it done.After the work day was over,I stopped at a local supermarket for some ground coffee and I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I took out the garbage and did a little bit of work in the house.Later on,I did my personal PC work and had a light evening meal.I also did some more personal PC work.I later prepared for my evening retirement.A pretty stressful day overall.
Please continue praying for me as I am still struggling with the terrible SSA.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support,in the forms of spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words,within the comments section.Thanks in advance for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is another work day and I hope that it goes well.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had coffee.After washing up real quick,I got dressed and headed for work.
The work day was stressful.For most of the afternoon,I and a client had to mop the floor with stripper and water as someone poured an oil based thing on the floor.It was a tough job,but it was done,though it took the rest of the afternoon to get it done.After the work day was over,I stopped at a local supermarket for some ground coffee and I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I took out the garbage and did a little bit of work in the house.Later on,I did my personal PC work and had a light evening meal.I also did some more personal PC work.I later prepared for my evening retirement.A pretty stressful day overall.
Please continue praying for me as I am still struggling with the terrible SSA.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support,in the forms of spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words,within the comments section.Thanks in advance for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is another work day and I hope that it goes well.FJ
Monday, February 19, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Since I had the day off,I woke up late and had coffee and quickly did my personal PC work.After that,I got dressed and headed out.
I took a drive for a while.I got some gas,a bottle of water to drink and stopped at a small store in another area of the county and picked up a few things.After that,I dropped some recyclable papers in the church dumpster and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did some more personal PC work.I later heated up a few things in the oven and that was my evening meal.It was light as I wasn't very hungry.After that,I changed into pajamas and I did some more personal PC work.I also did some dishes that needed to get done.I also did a little bit more personal PC work and even watched some videos on YouTube.Later on,I prepared for my evening retirement.A very good day overall.
Please continue to pray for me as I am still struggling terribly with SSA.It has really been taking a toll on me emotionally and I need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support,in the forms of spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words,in the comments section.Thanks to y'all.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day after the holiday off.I hope that all goes well.FJ
Since I had the day off,I woke up late and had coffee and quickly did my personal PC work.After that,I got dressed and headed out.
I took a drive for a while.I got some gas,a bottle of water to drink and stopped at a small store in another area of the county and picked up a few things.After that,I dropped some recyclable papers in the church dumpster and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did some more personal PC work.I later heated up a few things in the oven and that was my evening meal.It was light as I wasn't very hungry.After that,I changed into pajamas and I did some more personal PC work.I also did some dishes that needed to get done.I also did a little bit more personal PC work and even watched some videos on YouTube.Later on,I prepared for my evening retirement.A very good day overall.
Please continue to pray for me as I am still struggling terribly with SSA.It has really been taking a toll on me emotionally and I need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support,in the forms of spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words,in the comments section.Thanks to y'all.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day after the holiday off.I hope that all goes well.FJ
Sunday, February 18, 2018
Again, Possible Triggers
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the morning and had coffee.After that,I hurriedly got dressed up in a suit and headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service after that.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed from my suit into casual clothes and finished taking the last few boxes of my record albums to the storage facility.Of course I still have more to box and take down there,but I can do that another day.After that was finished,I had a light lunch and after that,I cleaned the bathroom and wiped down a few places here and there.I then went back out to drop off some free newspapers at a few houses and even turned in some bottles at a local supermarket.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and even watched a few videos online.I did go back out again for a little drive and went back home.
When I got back home,I changed into pajamas and I did some more personal PC work.I relaxed for a while until it was time for me to retire.A wonderful and eventful day overall.
Last night,I wrote in detail about my SSA struggles being difficult and the desires skyrocketing on me all due to the stresses of the last few weeks.I also want to share that my mental health struggles with Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia actually make my SSA struggles even more difficult.Yes,I do have both of these mental illnesses,which is a double whammy for me mentally,as I struggle not only with emotional roller coaster rides associated with Bipolar Disorder,but also with hallucinations associated with Schizophrenia.I hear things that nobody else hears,such as voices,footsteps and something calling my name causing me to turn around,only to see nothing or nobody there.This really gets to me negatively.I often wonder what's going on and even ask myself things such as:
What's wrong with me?
Is there really something wrong or is it just me?
What problem do I really have?
At times,these voices and hallucinations,I feel,are what's causing me to give into these terrible temptations that keep coming at me at both sides.My mental health and emotional issues contribute to the difficulty that I have with my struggles with SSA.I simply don't know whether I'm coming or going.I also feel trapped in the middle between where I'm stuck and where I really want to be.I want to get unstuck.I want to break free.I want to discover real and true healing,but don't know where to start.If anyone can help me,please leave me something in the comments section.I need advice.I need spiritual help and upbuilding and some encouraging words.I feel like a complete basket case.I know that I shouldn't feel that way,but I do.I also feel that I have no place or nobody else to turn to or to run run to.Again,if anyone reading can help,please do so.I also need to know that there are people out there who still support me and haven't given up on me,although I still feel that I am stuck somewhere in the middle not knowing which road to go or follow.
I remember when I first started this process,I was feeling good.This process made me discover that I don't have to live a sinful sexual lifestyle that others who are "Homosexual/Gay" are living and that I acting out was a choice and not an inevitability as many claim that it is.Now,I'm back where I was before and I am feeling terribly and extremely miserable.Depression has really sunk in and I feel sad and lonely.I need to get back to that joy that I felt when I first discovered this process and I need all the helpful support that I can get.
Please continue praying for me.I really need all the prayerful support that I can get.I am always in need of prayerful support.Please continue praying for me.I also need some verbal encouragement and spiritual upbuilding and encouragement.The more that I can get the better.I need to get unstuck and on the right path.Please pray for me and encourage me with your verbal support in the comments section.Thanks to y'all and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a holiday and I have the day off.I haven't made any plans,but I hope that whatever I do gives me positive benefits.FJ
Today,I woke up in the morning and had coffee.After that,I hurriedly got dressed up in a suit and headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service after that.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed from my suit into casual clothes and finished taking the last few boxes of my record albums to the storage facility.Of course I still have more to box and take down there,but I can do that another day.After that was finished,I had a light lunch and after that,I cleaned the bathroom and wiped down a few places here and there.I then went back out to drop off some free newspapers at a few houses and even turned in some bottles at a local supermarket.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and even watched a few videos online.I did go back out again for a little drive and went back home.
When I got back home,I changed into pajamas and I did some more personal PC work.I relaxed for a while until it was time for me to retire.A wonderful and eventful day overall.
Last night,I wrote in detail about my SSA struggles being difficult and the desires skyrocketing on me all due to the stresses of the last few weeks.I also want to share that my mental health struggles with Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia actually make my SSA struggles even more difficult.Yes,I do have both of these mental illnesses,which is a double whammy for me mentally,as I struggle not only with emotional roller coaster rides associated with Bipolar Disorder,but also with hallucinations associated with Schizophrenia.I hear things that nobody else hears,such as voices,footsteps and something calling my name causing me to turn around,only to see nothing or nobody there.This really gets to me negatively.I often wonder what's going on and even ask myself things such as:
What's wrong with me?
Is there really something wrong or is it just me?
What problem do I really have?
At times,these voices and hallucinations,I feel,are what's causing me to give into these terrible temptations that keep coming at me at both sides.My mental health and emotional issues contribute to the difficulty that I have with my struggles with SSA.I simply don't know whether I'm coming or going.I also feel trapped in the middle between where I'm stuck and where I really want to be.I want to get unstuck.I want to break free.I want to discover real and true healing,but don't know where to start.If anyone can help me,please leave me something in the comments section.I need advice.I need spiritual help and upbuilding and some encouraging words.I feel like a complete basket case.I know that I shouldn't feel that way,but I do.I also feel that I have no place or nobody else to turn to or to run run to.Again,if anyone reading can help,please do so.I also need to know that there are people out there who still support me and haven't given up on me,although I still feel that I am stuck somewhere in the middle not knowing which road to go or follow.
I remember when I first started this process,I was feeling good.This process made me discover that I don't have to live a sinful sexual lifestyle that others who are "Homosexual/Gay" are living and that I acting out was a choice and not an inevitability as many claim that it is.Now,I'm back where I was before and I am feeling terribly and extremely miserable.Depression has really sunk in and I feel sad and lonely.I need to get back to that joy that I felt when I first discovered this process and I need all the helpful support that I can get.
Please continue praying for me.I really need all the prayerful support that I can get.I am always in need of prayerful support.Please continue praying for me.I also need some verbal encouragement and spiritual upbuilding and encouragement.The more that I can get the better.I need to get unstuck and on the right path.Please pray for me and encourage me with your verbal support in the comments section.Thanks to y'all and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a holiday and I have the day off.I haven't made any plans,but I hope that whatever I do gives me positive benefits.FJ
Saturday, February 17, 2018
Possible Triggers
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I quickly did my personal PC work.After that was done,I managed to move some more boxes containing another portion of my record collection to the rented storage unit.I still have a few more to bring there,which will be done tomorrow after I get home from church.
After all of that,I managed to get some shopping done at a local supermarket.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I had a light evening meal and I changed into pajamas.I also did some more personal PC work.I relaxed for the rest of the evening until it was time for me to prepare for my evening retirement.A pretty good day overall.
My SSA struggles have been tough as of late.The stress of the past week and also the previous week have made the SSA that I have skyrocket.I have had to put with the baloney from the clients at the facility.I also faced persecution from one of them after I let one of the staffers know that I smelled tobacco in one of the restrooms at the facility.They called me vile names and continued to persecute me.They even followed me around when I was walking to find something that I needed to get a certain job done.All of this really made SSA skyrocket for me.I was being tempted to act out on all the perversions that I have.The temptations were attacking me at both sides.I was tempted not only to fantasize and lust,but also to watch "Homosexual/Gay" themed pornography.I feel like I'm going up a steep hill with no end in sight.I have even had some bizarre dreams where I'm stuck in the middle of a deserted road trying to find which way to go.I have also had dreams where I meet wild animals that talk to me and say all sorts of things and gibberish.With the temptations,I have also been tempted to touch myself inappropriately to sexual images of men clouding my mind.Coupled with all of the abuse,physical,emotional and sexual,that I have endured and suffered,the bullying that I endured during much of my school years and also,outside of school and being used and abused by others for their own pleasure,I feel like I'm being worn out and messed up emotionally and mentally.I still don't know whether I'm coming or going.I also feel trapped in a shell with all of my negative emotions and the unnatural sexual desires that I have.I would love to break free from this shell and feel like I'm finally free.As I have said before and I will say again,this terrible SSA struggle that I have made me realize that I have perversions that I never thought I had nor ever knew that I had,but again,I'm not going to go into them as I don't want to trigger anything in anyone nor scare anyone away from me.I am still seeking to break free from these terrible and sinful perversions that I have.I just need some helpful advice.I also need some spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words.I also still need to fix and repair my own relations with my Heavenly Father as I haven't been talking to him regularly like I should.Any advice on how I can do that is appreciated.
Please continue to pray for me.I really and desperately need all the prayerful support that I can get from all of you who are Christian and follow my blog.Yes,I still need your prayers as I really need to know that there are people out there who haven't given up on me.This helps keep me going.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support,in the forms of spiritual upbuiling (i.e. Holy Bible scriptures to help me out and see what I can do to keep fighting and seek the healing that I so desperately need) and encouraging words.Thanks to all of you for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is church as usual and I hope that it goes well and that the rest of the day goes well also.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I quickly did my personal PC work.After that was done,I managed to move some more boxes containing another portion of my record collection to the rented storage unit.I still have a few more to bring there,which will be done tomorrow after I get home from church.
After all of that,I managed to get some shopping done at a local supermarket.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I had a light evening meal and I changed into pajamas.I also did some more personal PC work.I relaxed for the rest of the evening until it was time for me to prepare for my evening retirement.A pretty good day overall.
My SSA struggles have been tough as of late.The stress of the past week and also the previous week have made the SSA that I have skyrocket.I have had to put with the baloney from the clients at the facility.I also faced persecution from one of them after I let one of the staffers know that I smelled tobacco in one of the restrooms at the facility.They called me vile names and continued to persecute me.They even followed me around when I was walking to find something that I needed to get a certain job done.All of this really made SSA skyrocket for me.I was being tempted to act out on all the perversions that I have.The temptations were attacking me at both sides.I was tempted not only to fantasize and lust,but also to watch "Homosexual/Gay" themed pornography.I feel like I'm going up a steep hill with no end in sight.I have even had some bizarre dreams where I'm stuck in the middle of a deserted road trying to find which way to go.I have also had dreams where I meet wild animals that talk to me and say all sorts of things and gibberish.With the temptations,I have also been tempted to touch myself inappropriately to sexual images of men clouding my mind.Coupled with all of the abuse,physical,emotional and sexual,that I have endured and suffered,the bullying that I endured during much of my school years and also,outside of school and being used and abused by others for their own pleasure,I feel like I'm being worn out and messed up emotionally and mentally.I still don't know whether I'm coming or going.I also feel trapped in a shell with all of my negative emotions and the unnatural sexual desires that I have.I would love to break free from this shell and feel like I'm finally free.As I have said before and I will say again,this terrible SSA struggle that I have made me realize that I have perversions that I never thought I had nor ever knew that I had,but again,I'm not going to go into them as I don't want to trigger anything in anyone nor scare anyone away from me.I am still seeking to break free from these terrible and sinful perversions that I have.I just need some helpful advice.I also need some spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words.I also still need to fix and repair my own relations with my Heavenly Father as I haven't been talking to him regularly like I should.Any advice on how I can do that is appreciated.
Please continue to pray for me.I really and desperately need all the prayerful support that I can get from all of you who are Christian and follow my blog.Yes,I still need your prayers as I really need to know that there are people out there who haven't given up on me.This helps keep me going.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support,in the forms of spiritual upbuiling (i.e. Holy Bible scriptures to help me out and see what I can do to keep fighting and seek the healing that I so desperately need) and encouraging words.Thanks to all of you for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is church as usual and I hope that it goes well and that the rest of the day goes well also.FJ
Friday, February 16, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had coffee.I then washed up and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day was stressful,but not like yesterday.I still managed to get a lot done both on and off the schedule.After it was over,I headed for the bank to withdraw some money.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.I also showered after that and had a light evening meal.After that,I did more personal PC work.I later prepared to retire for the evening.A pretty stressful day overall.
I still need prayerful support as I am still struggling terribly with SSA.These struggles are really becoming difficult.I need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support,in the forms of spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words,in the comments section.Thanks to all of you.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow starts the weekend.I hope that all goes well for me as I will have a three day weekend coming up.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had coffee.I then washed up and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day was stressful,but not like yesterday.I still managed to get a lot done both on and off the schedule.After it was over,I headed for the bank to withdraw some money.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.I also showered after that and had a light evening meal.After that,I did more personal PC work.I later prepared to retire for the evening.A pretty stressful day overall.
I still need prayerful support as I am still struggling terribly with SSA.These struggles are really becoming difficult.I need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support,in the forms of spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words,in the comments section.Thanks to all of you.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow starts the weekend.I hope that all goes well for me as I will have a three day weekend coming up.FJ
Thursday, February 15, 2018
Possible Triggers in this post
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had coffee.After that,I washed up and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day was chaotic and stressful.We had to work non-stop and quickly to get the facility clean and up to snuff as we were having an inspection coming today.We were all given tasks to do and we managed to get things done within the time span that we needed to do.After that,it was back to the normal schedule as I had to do a couple of things today to catch up from yesterday.I was forced to go off my usual schedule many times today,but was glad when the work day was over.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I loaded some boxes of record albums into my car and after that,showered quickly and did some of my personal PC work.After that,I went to a local church for a free dinner and after that,I dropped off those boxes of records at a local storage facility.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into pajamas and finished my personal PC work.I relaxed for a while until it was time for me to retire.I am really tired from that stressful work day I had today and will be glad when the weekend comes so I can relax and relieve some stress.This makes me better appreciate the weekends as I technically have off on them.Thank goodness.
My struggles with SSA have been terrible.All the stress of the past week and the chaos and stress of the day today really made SSA skyrocket.I have given into temptation to fantasize and lust many times over the last several days and each time I would fall,it made me miserable.Yes,I felt really and extremely miserable for giving into these terrible temptations.I want to be strong in order to fight and resist these terrible temptations,but I'm weak.I know that there's no such thing as a perfect human,be they male or female,but I feel like the worst sinner in the world as a result of my struggles with this terrible SSA that I have.I feel like the Apostle Paul as a result of the way that I feel.He said that he was the worst sinner of all,which is the way that I feel.I need some guidance.I need some reassurance.I need someone to help me with spiritual upbuilding from the Holy Bible and encouraging words in the comments section.I also still need prayerful support.Please continue praying for me.I need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also need to repair my relationship with my Heavenly Father as I haven't been going to him regularly and talking with him through prayer.Please continue praying for me.I would really appreciate prayerful support.I so desperately need it right now.Thanks to all of you for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is another work day.I'm hoping that it goes smoothly.After that,it's the weekend.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had coffee.After that,I washed up and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day was chaotic and stressful.We had to work non-stop and quickly to get the facility clean and up to snuff as we were having an inspection coming today.We were all given tasks to do and we managed to get things done within the time span that we needed to do.After that,it was back to the normal schedule as I had to do a couple of things today to catch up from yesterday.I was forced to go off my usual schedule many times today,but was glad when the work day was over.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I loaded some boxes of record albums into my car and after that,showered quickly and did some of my personal PC work.After that,I went to a local church for a free dinner and after that,I dropped off those boxes of records at a local storage facility.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into pajamas and finished my personal PC work.I relaxed for a while until it was time for me to retire.I am really tired from that stressful work day I had today and will be glad when the weekend comes so I can relax and relieve some stress.This makes me better appreciate the weekends as I technically have off on them.Thank goodness.
My struggles with SSA have been terrible.All the stress of the past week and the chaos and stress of the day today really made SSA skyrocket.I have given into temptation to fantasize and lust many times over the last several days and each time I would fall,it made me miserable.Yes,I felt really and extremely miserable for giving into these terrible temptations.I want to be strong in order to fight and resist these terrible temptations,but I'm weak.I know that there's no such thing as a perfect human,be they male or female,but I feel like the worst sinner in the world as a result of my struggles with this terrible SSA that I have.I feel like the Apostle Paul as a result of the way that I feel.He said that he was the worst sinner of all,which is the way that I feel.I need some guidance.I need some reassurance.I need someone to help me with spiritual upbuilding from the Holy Bible and encouraging words in the comments section.I also still need prayerful support.Please continue praying for me.I need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also need to repair my relationship with my Heavenly Father as I haven't been going to him regularly and talking with him through prayer.Please continue praying for me.I would really appreciate prayerful support.I so desperately need it right now.Thanks to all of you for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is another work day.I'm hoping that it goes smoothly.After that,it's the weekend.FJ
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
Tonight,I'm feeling extremely tired.I can barely type this.I will share only that I did go to church tonight for Ash Wednesday,which was a wonderful worship service.I am tired and I will post either tomorrow or when I can.Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I am really struggling terribly with this terrible SSA at the moment and I don't know whether I'm coming or going.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support,in the forms of spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words,in the comments section.Thanks to y'all for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.FJ
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Monday, February 12, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had coffee.After that,I washed up quickly and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local U-Haul store to buy some storage boxes.I also got some gas at a local gas station and headed straight home.
When I got home,I went to work and filled the boxes with more of my record albums.After they were all filled,I showered quickly and had a light evening meal.I also did my personal PC work.Later on,I prepared to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.
I am still struggling terribly with this terrible SSA that I have.Please continue praying for me.Please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I really need both spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words by all of you.Thanks for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is another work day.I hope that all goes well.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had coffee.After that,I washed up quickly and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local U-Haul store to buy some storage boxes.I also got some gas at a local gas station and headed straight home.
When I got home,I went to work and filled the boxes with more of my record albums.After they were all filled,I showered quickly and had a light evening meal.I also did my personal PC work.Later on,I prepared to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.
I am still struggling terribly with this terrible SSA that I have.Please continue praying for me.Please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I really need both spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words by all of you.Thanks for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is another work day.I hope that all goes well.FJ
Sunday, February 11, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had coffee.After that,I showered quickly,alongside shaving and got dressed up in a suit to head for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped and had a light lunch at McDonald's.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I changed from my suit into casual clothes and quickly did my personal PC work.I later went back out again to a local U-Haul store to buy some boxes to pack some record albums of mine in.I headed straight home.
When I got home,I packed some record albums in the boxes that I bought.It was a work-out and I did sweat.I also moved some of my cassettes that were in storage things into the garage.After that,I showered again as I had to clean myself from all of the sweat.I then had a light meal and I did some more personal PC work.I later prepared to retire for the evening.A wonderful and eventful day overall.
After the terrible week that I had,I am hoping that this week goes better.I also still need all the prayerful support that I can get.Please continue to pray for me that things will start getting better soon.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section.I really need some spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words right now.Thanks for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that all goes well.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had coffee.After that,I showered quickly,alongside shaving and got dressed up in a suit to head for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped and had a light lunch at McDonald's.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I changed from my suit into casual clothes and quickly did my personal PC work.I later went back out again to a local U-Haul store to buy some boxes to pack some record albums of mine in.I headed straight home.
When I got home,I packed some record albums in the boxes that I bought.It was a work-out and I did sweat.I also moved some of my cassettes that were in storage things into the garage.After that,I showered again as I had to clean myself from all of the sweat.I then had a light meal and I did some more personal PC work.I later prepared to retire for the evening.A wonderful and eventful day overall.
After the terrible week that I had,I am hoping that this week goes better.I also still need all the prayerful support that I can get.Please continue to pray for me that things will start getting better soon.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section.I really need some spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words right now.Thanks for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that all goes well.FJ
Saturday, February 10, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and had coffee.However,early in the morning while I was still in bed,I got an attack of painful leg cramps in both of my legs.They really terribly hurtful.I had to immediately stand up and wait for the pain to be reduced,but it did affect my ability to walk.I wasn't walking very good for much of the morning.After some more coffee and relaxation,I got dressed to head for the local Super Wal-Mart.
While there,I picked up leg cramp pain supplements,a tube of itch cream,a carton of half and half and a gallon of milk.After paying for these things,I headed over to a local McDonald's and had a light lunch.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I took a few leg cramp supplements and decided to do some snow shoveling outside as we did get hit with snow overnight.It was a work-out,but I managed to get what I had to get done accomplished.After that was done,I relaxed for a while and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I went back out to get a take-out Chinese meal and when I got home,I ate it.I also did some more personal PC work.After that,I relaxed until it was time for me to retire.A good,but not too eventful,day overall.
Please continue praying for me as I am still struggling terribly with SSA after the events of this terrible 5 day week.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section.I really need some spiritual upbuilding and also some encouraging words.Thanks to y'all.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is church as usual and I hope that this and the rest of the day goes well.FJ
Today,I woke up in the late morning and had coffee.However,early in the morning while I was still in bed,I got an attack of painful leg cramps in both of my legs.They really terribly hurtful.I had to immediately stand up and wait for the pain to be reduced,but it did affect my ability to walk.I wasn't walking very good for much of the morning.After some more coffee and relaxation,I got dressed to head for the local Super Wal-Mart.
While there,I picked up leg cramp pain supplements,a tube of itch cream,a carton of half and half and a gallon of milk.After paying for these things,I headed over to a local McDonald's and had a light lunch.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I took a few leg cramp supplements and decided to do some snow shoveling outside as we did get hit with snow overnight.It was a work-out,but I managed to get what I had to get done accomplished.After that was done,I relaxed for a while and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I went back out to get a take-out Chinese meal and when I got home,I ate it.I also did some more personal PC work.After that,I relaxed until it was time for me to retire.A good,but not too eventful,day overall.
Please continue praying for me as I am still struggling terribly with SSA after the events of this terrible 5 day week.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section.I really need some spiritual upbuilding and also some encouraging words.Thanks to y'all.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is church as usual and I hope that this and the rest of the day goes well.FJ
Friday, February 09, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the early morning.I had coffee and brushed my hair.I got dressed and headed for work.
The work day went fair.After that,I headed for an office to get my taxes filed and after that was done,I got gas and headed straight home.
When I got home,I ate quickly and did my personal PC work.I also relaxed and took it easy.Later on,I prepared to retire for the evening.A fair day overall.
This week,I didn't post too much as I was not feeling well emotionally.I was the victim of a break-in on Monday.It was a member of my family that did this.They broke in through the cellar and stole some clothes that belonged to my sister.They also took what was their's as well.They ruined the plumbing and we're hoping to get it fixed tomorrow.This is the reason why I haven't been feeling too well emotionally.It's one thing when a total stranger breaks in.But when it's a member of your own,especially one that you helped by letting them live with you,it's even more devastating.This also made me feel violated and affected my sense of security.It also made me angry and also,sad.This is why my emotions have not been good or even stable as of late.I just want to heal from these negative emotions and also,help heal from the affects of the break-in by one of my own relatives.My family relations have been going down the tubes as this is the third relative that has caused trouble.I am hoping to get over this soon.Please continue praying for me.Please pray that I get over this soon and that I heal from these terrible emotions.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section,which can be both spiritually upbuilding and encouraging words.Thanks to y'all and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
This has been a terrible week for me.I hope that the weekend will good for me to get over this things.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning.I had coffee and brushed my hair.I got dressed and headed for work.
The work day went fair.After that,I headed for an office to get my taxes filed and after that was done,I got gas and headed straight home.
When I got home,I ate quickly and did my personal PC work.I also relaxed and took it easy.Later on,I prepared to retire for the evening.A fair day overall.
This week,I didn't post too much as I was not feeling well emotionally.I was the victim of a break-in on Monday.It was a member of my family that did this.They broke in through the cellar and stole some clothes that belonged to my sister.They also took what was their's as well.They ruined the plumbing and we're hoping to get it fixed tomorrow.This is the reason why I haven't been feeling too well emotionally.It's one thing when a total stranger breaks in.But when it's a member of your own,especially one that you helped by letting them live with you,it's even more devastating.This also made me feel violated and affected my sense of security.It also made me angry and also,sad.This is why my emotions have not been good or even stable as of late.I just want to heal from these negative emotions and also,help heal from the affects of the break-in by one of my own relatives.My family relations have been going down the tubes as this is the third relative that has caused trouble.I am hoping to get over this soon.Please continue praying for me.Please pray that I get over this soon and that I heal from these terrible emotions.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section,which can be both spiritually upbuilding and encouraging words.Thanks to y'all and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
This has been a terrible week for me.I hope that the weekend will good for me to get over this things.FJ
Thursday, February 08, 2018
Wednesday, February 07, 2018
I am still not feeling well emotionally.I will post when I do.There has been a lot going on in my life,with most of it being negative.Please continue to keep me in your prayers.Please continue to leave me some positive verbal support,which can be spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words,in the comments section.Thanks to y'all and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.FJ
Tuesday, February 06, 2018
I'm still not feeling well tonight.No,I'm not physically ill,but emotionally ill.Please continue praying for me that I get better emotionally and that I get through the rest of the week.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support in the forms of spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words.I am hoping that I feel emotionally better soon.Please continue to keep me in your prayers.Thanks to all of you.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.FJ
Monday, February 05, 2018
Tonight,I'm not feeling very good.I won't be posting anything tonight as a result of that.Please continue praying for me and don't forget to leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section in the forms of spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words.Thanks to all ofyou and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.FJ
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