Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up real quickly and got dressed.I headed for work.

The work day was tough today.I suffered a chewing out today by one of the supervisors for not returning a "Good Morning" to him.This really made me not only angry,but contributed to the tough and terrible day that I had.So,when quitting time came,I was glad when it did and after my day at work was finished,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I showered quickly and changed clothes.I headed for my weekly anger management meeting.

The meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree to pick up a few needed things.I then headed straight home.

When I got home,I helped out my sister with a few things in the house and after that,I did my personal PC work.I had a light bite to eat on the way home.Later on,as it was getting late,I prepared to retire for the evening.A very tough and somewhat terrible day overall.

Today made me realize that this attitude that I've been having,this "couldn't care less" attitude that I've been having.I'm also realizing that I've been using "the silent treatment" a lot when it comes to both my co-workers and the clients.I realize that this is wrong and it could get me into trouble.I don't want to lose my job nor do I want to have any difficulties.This is becoming a major issue with me.I want to stop this thing,but don't know how.I also want to stop this as I don't want the clients nor my co-workers to get the wrong impression of me nor do I want them to inform any of the supervisors there at the workplace about this.Again,I really need to stop this.I could lose my job.I also could lose respect from others.I don't want neither of these to happen.

How can I stop this?

What do I need to do to stop this.

Please provide any helpful advice within the comments section.I need all the advice and positive verbal support that I can get.I also would appreciate that all of you continue praying for me that I overcome and contain these terrible problems that I have once and for all.Please continue to keep me in your prayers.I need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also would appreciate if you also pray for others who are also struggling with anger,rage and SSA issues.Thanks to all of you for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is another work day.I hope that tomorrow goes better than today.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up real quickly and got dressed.I headed for work.

The work day was complicated and long.I was placed on different things throughout the day to get ready for a visit by certain people.It was really hectic and crazy,but was glad when it was all over.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I ate a light evening meal and did some more personal PC work.I later showered quickly and did a little bit more personal PC work.Later on,I prepared to retire for the evening.A very complicated and hectic day overall.

Please continue praying for me and please leave me some positive verbal support,alongside some helpful advice,within the comments section.Thanks to all of you for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is another work day.I hope that it goes better than today.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I had to go to an improving and building self esteem group that I usually attend every Monday.I went there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move forward,it is still a very difficult road that I am on as a result of me struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.It is never an easy thing for me to deal with and at times,it seems to get worse instead of better.Aside from BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am still also going to continue to rely on God more than anything.When I do rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more,it only makes it a tad easier,but it is still difficult.Whenever the struggle seems unbearable,I simply throw it all on God more and rely on him and his son Jesus Christ and they help sustain me.It isn't easy struggling with mental illness,but relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more makes it more manageable and also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes me feel good.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours twice when I was awakened by erections out of a deep sleep at two separate intervals.I really had to fight both of these temptations as they were both really overwhelming and also,they were also throbbing erections at the same time.I had to really get up and walk until the erections died down at those separate intervals.I simply went back to sleep on both of these occasions.Though I escaped this double whammy,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it may be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to always stay on guard and be watchful as I never know when those nasty temptations will emerge.It is never an easy thing to resist,but I have to try and stay strong as it is sinful to act out on these unnatural desires as God never intended sexuality to be like that.Still,I am relying on God more when this struggle also seems to be unbearable.When I rely on God and his son Jesus Christ,it makes me feel better because as with my mental illness struggles,I know that I am not alone with them leading the way and guiding me.Whenever temptation comes around,I simply take it to God and his son Jesus Christ by talking about it and after that,the temptation is only a memory and forgotten.Thanks again to both God and his son Jesus Christ for all that they provide.Without them,I wouldn't be where I am at today.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I do.I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up and headed for the church for the morning worship service,which was held outdoors today.
The service was terrific.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my dress clothes and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.For me,going to church each and every Sunday always makes the day eventful.
While my recovery continues to move forward,I am still having to daily deal and struggle with BPD and the symptoms that go with it,including the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which makes the struggle even more difficult.At times,it may seem to feel unbearable.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am also going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggles may seem unbearable.It doesn't make the struggle easier,but it does lighten the load a little.It isn't easy struggling with any mental illness,but with God and Christ's help and them leading the way,I have really nothing to worry about and I simply turn to them in prayer whenever it does seem to be out of control as God and Christ makes me feel more at ease.It is great that I don't have to struggle alone or fear anything negative.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when another throbbing erection woke me up out of deep sleep.This was a really very overwhelming urge and it felt almost impossible to resist as it was the strongest temptation to masturbate that I had in a long time.But again,I simply started to get up and when I did,the erection started to soften and I simply got up to walk around and the erection was soon dead and I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what type it can be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I only refer to them as "these unnatural desires that I have" because my desires don't define me as a man,a male nor as a human being.I am a member of the male sex and my body is biologically hard wired to be compatible with that of a female's body.God never intended for men to have unnatural sexual activity with other men as God made man and also made woman.It isn't the way that God intended sexuality to be.Whenever the temptations seem too impossible to resist,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more because without them,the healing process is incomplete and impossible.With God and his son Jesus Christ alongside him,all things are possible.Anyone,such as myself,can heal from unwanted sexual desires associated with Homosexuality if they really want to heal as it is possible for anyone,male or female,to not only heal,but to also change from Homosexual to Heterosexual or to simply become the man or the woman that God intended them to be and wants them to be.It is a difficult struggle,but it can be accomplished.I know that I will always be in the healing process and I know that I do have the choice whether to act out or not,but I am assured that God and Jesus Christ are there to guide me along and to help me heal and also,to strengthen me,when I ask to be strengthened,in my resistance to temptation.Thanks again to both God and Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,I have an improving and building self esteem group that I need to attend.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to the local K-Mart to pick up something that I really needed.After paying for those items,I headed over to the drug store to pick up my prescription for my medication that I take nightly.After paying the co-pay on that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put everything away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery moves forward,I am still,on a day to day basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle is never an easy one.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride and that ride can always be a constant stress for me.The struggle is even more difficult with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and I wish that I didn't have them at all.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.While the struggle with BPD and schizophrenic tendencies is never an easy one,I am still relying on God more than myself.Whenever the struggle with BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have gets seemingly unbearable,I simply talk to God and his son Jesus Christ about it and I feel much better.It also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that really reassures me that I never have to suffer alone.It isn't easy coping with mental illness,but God and Christ both make it bearable and when it seems to be going worse,I simply throw it on them and I feel better.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.This urge was a really overwhelming one indeed and I really had to use all the strength that I had to fight and resist this temptation.I started to get up and when I sat up,the erection started to soften and when I got up to walk,the erection fully softened and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always having to stay on guard and be watchful,as I never know when those temptations will come around.Still,while the fight to resist the unnatural desires associated with Homosexuality/SSA is never an easy one,but relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more eases the struggle a little.Whenever the temptation seems to be too overwhelming for me,I simply throw it on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ by talking about the temptation and I feel better after doing so.Likewise with my mental illness struggles,I simply rely on God and Christ more than my own strength and I feel better.Once I talk about the temptation with them and really let it all out,I feel better and it isn't very overwhelming anymore as it now forgotten once God and Christ take the lead.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there in my struggles with Homosexuality/SSA.
Tomorrow morning,it is church as usual.As for the rest of the day,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
Earlier in the day,I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
I also had one other thing on my agenda.I had my usual weekly meeting with the pastor of the church.It was a continuation of our one on one weekly studies to get me back into the church.The studies are almost finished and I am looking forward to the end where I am finally a member of the church again.
The meeting was wonderful as I got a lot out of that.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local store to pick up something for myself.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is usually a very difficult thing to deal with and at times,I wish that I didn't have to.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.I sometimes don't know whether I am coming or going.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.While the recovery process is never an easy one,I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more when it seems to get unbearable.I simply talk to them about what I am going through and after that,I feel better.It doesn't make it easier,but relying on God and Jesus Christ more makes it more manageable.I do feel joy that I don't have to go it alone in my struggles with mental illness and that is wonderful.Thanks to God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This was yet another overwhelming urge.I really had to use everything in my power to fight and resist this temptation.I simply started to get up and when I did,the erection started to soften.I had to use the bathroom anyway and after I was finished,I simply went back to sleep as the erection was now dead.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.The temptation to act out can be very overwhelming.While that can be,I still rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ more than on my own strength.With God and Christ leading the way and looking out for me,I have nothing to fear and when those nasty temptations come around,I simply turn them over to God and his son Jesus Christ and the temptations go away and are forgotten.If they come around again that same day,I simply take it to God and Christ again and it is history and long forgotten.The fight to resist the temptation to act out on the unnatural sexual desires connected to Homosexuality is always a difficult one,but the fight can be won when God and Christ lead the way.Thanks again to God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I first went to a mandatory spirituality group and that was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have some lunch.After lunch,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go onward,but it is still a very difficult road at that.Day after day,I am having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it is never an easy one.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride and that can be very frustrating.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I am going to continue my therapy sessions and I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I will also still continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle starts to feel too unbearable.Relying on God and Christ doesn't make the struggle easier,but it does make me feel only a tad better as it shows that I am not alone.With them,my recovery isn't possible.I will have to keep relying on God and Christ whenever the situation seems to be skyrocketing out of control.If I don't,it would be like the blind leading the blind.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.This was another overwhelming urge and I really had to use all my strength to fight and resist this current temptation.I simply got up and headed for the bathroom and after I was finished,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still get tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have when I least expect the temptation to come around.I am always in a fight to resist any of these temptations and it is always a difficult fight indeed.While it is a difficult fight,I am now relying on God and his son Jesus Christ.I have been relying on them for quite a while and while it is still difficult,it shows that I am not alone in my struggles as they are leading the way and as soon as I throw the temptation on them,I feel better and after that,it is forgotten.It is also so when I do give into temptation because I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me when that happens.I am happy that I don't have to suffer alone and with them leading the way,I have nothing to worry about as they are there helping me out.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of that.
Tomorrow,I have my appointment with the pastor of the church.As for the rest of the day,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that the benefits that it gives me are positive.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a couple of things on my agenda.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things and after that,I went over to another local store to pick up something that I needed for myself.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player,
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still in the battle for my life when it comes to handling my struggle with BPD as it is never an easy thing to struggle with.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and that is always a difficult thing to deal with.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I have to put up with hearing things and noises that nobody else hears.It is bad enough having BPD,but having schizophrenic tendencies alongside that really makes it extremely difficult.I am still going to attend my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am learning that the struggle with mental illness is never an easy one.But as stated,I am learning that relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when it may seem unbearable does help quite a bit.Whenever it seems to feel more unbearable than I can stand or take,I simply take it to God in prayer and I feel much better.I mean,therapy with another human can be helpful,but it really isn't enough.When I bring God and Christ in,it is even more helpful than what any human therapist can give.I am glad that they are there to listen and to help me when I ask for it.Without them,I would be lost and feeling discouraged.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection out of a deep sleep.It was also another throbbing erection.I had to really use all my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming urge to masturbate the erection away.I started to get up and when I did,the erection started to soften and since I had to use the bathroom,the erection softened on the way there and after I was finished,I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it may be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to keep constantly on guard and be watchful as that temptation can come when I am not aware that it is coming and when it does happen,I feel like I am stuck in the middle.Still,no matter when that happens,I simply can talk to God and his son Jesus Christ.All I do is throw the temptation on them and after that,it is gone and forgotten.If it comes back later on,I simply take it to God and his son Jesus Christ again and it is also gone and forgotten.I am now making it my resolution to always take it to God and Christ in prayer and I feel better.It is great that I am not alone in my fight and that God and Christ are there to take the lead and guide me through.Thanks again to both God and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend and also,I am planning to have lunch over at a local kitchen.Aside from those things,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that the benefits that it gives are positive.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had only a few things planned.
I had an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor later in the day and I was looking forward to this session with her.I had an assignment done and I was going to bring it with me for us to discuss.Firstly,I went to a local supermarket to get my mom something that she wanted.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put what I had to buy away in the fridge and I got ready for my appointment.
The session went well.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did a little bit more on my computer.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward,but it is still a very difficult road.Then again,it is never easy dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is never an easy thing to put up with and it gets tougher by the day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I am still in therapy and I still take my medication as directed,but it still really doesn't make it any easier.When the struggle seems to be unbearable,I rely on God and his son Jesus Christ when it seems that way.I just talk about it with God and his son Jesus Christ and they help me in my struggles.It doesn't make it easier,but it makes it more manageable and also,it isn't really as difficult if I were to go it alone.I am also glad that I really don't have to go it alone and that is good.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate three times in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened out of a deep sleep by erections at three separate intervals,with the third one being the worst.With the first two,I had to get up and use the bathroom on both of these occurrences and I simply went back to sleep as the erections died down as I was doing these things.The third one was worse than the other two as it was accompanied by sexual images of men clouding my mind, and I also started having flashbacks of my past acting outs with other men indulging in that sinful sexual activity.I really had to fight this as I almost gave into that temptation by grabbing my genitals,but managed to let go before I even started to masturbate it away.I really had to fight this terrible urge and use all the strength that I could muster to fight and resist this urge.After a few minutes,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this triple whammy,I have to constantly keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It is never easy to fight the urge to give into this temptation and it gets even more difficult each time the more that I keep fighting and resisting the temptation.It is much easier to give into the temptation and indulge in sin,than it is to fight and resist the temptation.I simply have to keep relying on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the urge seems way too strong for me to handle.I just throw it on them and they take the lead.When I do,I feel much better and it it forgotten after that and if it happens again,I simply throw it on God through his son Jesus Christ's name again and I again feel better.It is never easy to fight and resist these urges,but with God and his son Jesus Christ leading the way,it shows that I don't have to act out nor give into any temptations.I simply rely on them and it is all over and done with when I do.Thanks again to God and his son Jesus Christ for all they do/
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had an improving self esteem group that I needed to attend.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there.On the way,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money for my mom.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over and some talk with the leader,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple 1/2 gallons of orange juice.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the orange juice away and I finished my personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player to watch while relaxing.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues unabated,I am still having to deal with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is never an easy thing to struggle with and I am always in a continuous loop the loop when it comes to that.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.Though it is a difficult thing to deal with,I still have God and his son Jesus Christ to rely on whenever it seems to become unbearable.It is never easy having any mental illness,but the struggle is a little lighter when God and Christ take control.I have to keep relying on them whenever it seems to difficult to handle or when it seems to go out of control.The more I keep doing that,the much better that I feel.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened at two separate intervals in the wee early morning.These were both very overwhelming urges that I was having and I really had to fight to resist the temptation to give into both of these urges.With the first one,I simply got up and walked and as I did this,the erection softened and after I used the bathroom,which was the main reason why I got up in the first place,I simply laid back down and went back to sleep.With the second one,I simply tossed and turned hoping that it would soften as I didn't want to sin.It died down and I went back to sleep.Though I did escape these episodes,I still have to constantly keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,which can take any form,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to keep in mind that the temptation to sin can come whenever it is least expected to come.But again,when it happens,I relay on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this happens.I simply ask them to help strengthen me when it comes and I feel better.If I were to give into the urge,I simply ask God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,it is forgotten and I can move on.Thanks to God and his son Jesus Christ for taking the lead and for getting me through all of that.It is wonderful that I am not alone in my fight.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up into a suit and headed for the church for the Sunday morning worship service and the Holy Bible study class before the service.
Both the service and the class before it were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone,I headed for home.
On my way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something for lunch.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I ate my lunch and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I did the dishes and relaxed while watching a movie that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
My recovery continues unabated,but I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD.It is really hard putting up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.If that wasn't bad enough,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am still going to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more each and every day.It isn't easy putting up with what I got,but relying and trusting more on God and his son Jesus Christ makes it a little bit more bearable.I still have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory and I also still have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have,but with God and Jesus Christ taking the lead,it shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes feel reassured.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened at both intervals with erections out of a deep sleep.With the first one,I simply got up to use the bathroom and after I was finished,I went to sleep as a result of the erection dying down.With the second one,I simply attempted to get up by sitting straight and when I was about to get up to walk,the erection died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped these two episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it may be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I do get tempted to act out on a daily basis and they can take any form there is.Still,whenever that occurs,I can still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through the temptation.I simply talk about the temptation to them and after talking with them Tomorrow,I have an improving self esteem group that I must attend.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my bath,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things on my agenda.I first went to the Best Buy in the next county to pay my credit card bill.After that was done,I headed over to a nearby supermarket to pick up something that my mom wanted me to pick up.After paying for that item,I headed straight home,but stopped on the way to get some gas.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move onward,I am still having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is always a never ending struggle as I go day to day with these symptoms and the roller coaster ride that goes with them.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies that make the struggle even more difficult.Though the struggle is a difficult one,I know that I can continually rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through it all.Their help in all of this and them taking the lead eases my mind in all of this.It doesn't make it easier,but it does show me that I am not alone in my struggle as they are there to help me whenever I really need it.I still continue my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed,but I still rely on God and Christ more while following the orders of the medical people at the same time.It is just wonderful that I have God and Christ there to help me get through any struggles.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection out of a deep sleep.I had to really fight this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one.I simply got up and used the bathroom because I really needed to use it and as I was doing that,the erection died down and I simply went back to sleep after I was finished.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It can take any form,such as fantasies,the temptation to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them or it could be simply masturbating emotionally or as a reliever when the temptation to indulge in fantasies comes around or it can also take the form of looking at porn of all sorts.The SSA struggle is a very difficult one at that and I am learning this on a day to day basis.Still,I do rely on God whenever that happens.I know that if I do indeed give into the temptation,all I do is ask God to forgive me whenever that happens and after that,I can forget it.I am still in the learning process of this and I am also still learning on how not to beat myself up when I fall or fail.I am an imperfect human being as much as any other human being is and I know that God expects me to do the best that I can despite that imperfection,but I do fail or fall from time to time and I know that God is there to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I also ask God for help in not to beat myself up over failing or falling and I know that he is there to do that.Still,those who do visit my blog from time to time,I would appreciate a prayer of two from all of you as they will help keep me going.Thanks in advance for prayers said.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual alongside the Holy Bible study class alongside it.As for the rest of the day,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed to head out to the garage to get my oil changed.When I got there,I waited twenty minutes and after the oil change was completed,I paid them and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply went back to sleep as I was still feeling tired and sleepy.I set the alarm for a certain time,but woke up several minutes before the alarm was supposed to go off as a result of me having to use the bathroom.
After using the bathroom,I settled in to get my personal PC work done.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for all of those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
I also had one other thing that I needed to attend to today.I had an appointment to meet with the pastor of the church to continue our weekly one on one studies that we have been having.The study went great and after it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward.But my struggles with BPD make the recovery more difficult.I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will also continue taking my medication as directed.While the struggle with BPD and having schizophrenic tendencies alongside that is a difficult one,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to feel unbearable.It doesn't make the struggle any easier,but it does make me feel more at ease a little bit.I have to continually rely on them more rather than on my own strength to keep me going.I also have to put up with random obsessive thoughts,but with God and his son Jesus Christ taking over,they simply disappear once I talk to them about these thoughts.It is wonderful to rely on them more and also,to see that they are leading the way makes me feel a little bit better.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted twice to masturbate.Once in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection out of a deep sleep and another time when I was taking that nap when I got home when images of men without their clothes on started to cloud my mind.With both of these,I simply got up and the erections started to soften and since I had to use the bathroom at both instances,I simply went back to sleep after I was finished.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It is not a very pleasant thing to put up with or have,but it does happen.I want to do the right thing,but my sinful nature wants me to do the opposite.When these situations do happen when they do,I can always rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through any temptations when they happen.It is great that I don't have to go it alone or rely more on my own strength to get through any of these things.I have God and Jesus Christ leading the way and all I need to do is tell God about the temptations when they happen as I throw the temptations on him and he gets me through the temptations and I feel better when I do.I just have to keep on doing that and have the take the lead and lead me out of the ugliness of those temptations.Thanks again to God and his son Jesus Christ for all of their help and for being there for me.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to forward,but I have been feeling burned out as of late.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had some stuff planned and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to my spirituality group and that group was wonderful.We talked of many things and after it was over,I left and I headed over to a local kitchen for something to eat.After lunch,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money.After the withdrawl,I stopped at a nearby video store to look around.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finished my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day despite the burnout that I have been feeling.
My road to recovery continues,but it hasn't been very pleasant as of late.I have been feeling burned out lately.It has been a lot of overwhelming things like my mother not feeling well,the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with having BPD and schizophrenic tendencies alongside that and last but not least,the sinful nature that I have that practically every other human being has.Of course,we humans have different or at times the same struggles,but at times,the sinful nature that we all have always wants each and every one of us,including myself,to do what is wrong in the eyes of God when we,including me,wants to do the right thing,To top it off,my mother not feeling up to snuff and also,my dealings and struggles with BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.I am still going to attend my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.But I am hoping that I can feel better than I have been lately.I really hate the burned out feeling as I am just trying to live rightly to the best of my ability,but my sinful nature wants and tempts me to do the opposite.I am desperately asking for prayers from each and every one of you who have been watching and following this blog of mine because I am in real desperate need of prayer and I also desperately need strength to get through this difficult period that I am going through.Thanks to all of you for prayers offered.
Regarding my SSA struggles,they are adding and contributing to the burn out that I have been experiencing.In the past two weeks,I fell twice by masturbation.I fell last week and I also fell this week.I really felt terrible as these failings that I have been going through have been really a crushing weight on me as I want to do the right thing,but I gave into my sinful nature and the temptations that go with that nature.I was also again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours this morning when an erection woke me out of a deep sleep.As soon as I started to get up,the erection died down and after about a couple of minutes,I went back to sleep.This week,though it isn't over yet,has been really and very stressful.I had blood work done on Tuesday and that really took most of the morning from me as I was going without food and coffee for much of that morning.I was at edge for much of Tuesday and was still a little at edge on Wednesday as well from all of that.Today,I have just been feeling burned out and tired of this sinful nature of mine and the temptations that go with it.People keep telling me not to beat myself up so much when I fail,but I can't help feeling sorrow,regret and deep shame for failing.I want to feel better,but don't know how I can go about doing that when I am feeling burned out.Again,please say repeated prayers for me as I really need them and I also need the support,advice and/or guidance at this time.Again,Thanks in advance for everything as need and they are all appreciated.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment to get my oil changed in my engine and I also have a meeting with the pastor of the church as we are continuing our one on one study time together.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
Today,I had only a couple of things planned.I first went to the bank to withdraw some money and after that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward.But I am still having difficulties dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it is never easy.I have to put up with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and that ride is usually not a very nice ride at all.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the symptoms of BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I still attend my therapy sessions.I still take my medication as directed.Though it is difficult,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength that I need to deal with these things.It doesn't make it easier,but it does give me the assurance that they are there and they will help me once I ask for them to take the lead.Again,it doesn't make it easier,but it makes it more manageable.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated.It was both an emotional fall as well as lusting after other men and their bodies without clothes on type of fall.It really made me feel terrible and though I asked God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ,I still felt guilty about it for a long time that day.I also know what led up to that fall.I was still feeling stressed out by the day.Earlier in the day,I had to go to the local hospital for much ordered blood work and the time was very stressful.I was going without food as I had to fast for 12 hours and also,I did without my usual morning cups of coffee to get it done as I was also waiting for the whole thing to be done.It was stressful waiting and also,having to go the hospital basement to get x-rays done also added to that stress as I was waiting for over twenty minutes to get that done.For much of the day,I was really at edge and I really couldn't talk to nobody.It all lead up to my fall last last night and also,though I believed I was forgiven for the fall,I still felt guilty by it all and I am just hoping that the next several days will be better.I also was again tempted to masturbate again when I was awakened by another erection in the wee early morning hours.I did fight to resist this and I won,but it could have led to another fall.Though it didn't,I still could have given into that temptation,but I didn't.I also regret that yesterday,I should have relied on God and his son Jesus Christ,but I didn't and I am sorry for that.I have to keep on remembering to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more when these temptations happen and I will be okay.I also ask that anyone out there who reads and follows my blog regularly to please say a prayer or two for me.I would really appreciate that.Thanks so much.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and I am also hoping to have lunch at local kitchen afterwards.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good and stressful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I headed over to the local hospital.I had to have blood work done and an x-ray on my lower right hip region.It took most of the rest of the morning to get everything done.But after it was all done,I headed over to a local McDonalds for a couple of sandwiches.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.I had to wait a half an hour before I could bathe as a result of food in my system.After I was done with the PC work,which I did within the half an hour,I bathed to clean myself up and after my bath,I had a bowl of cold cereal and the usual 2 cups of coffee.After that was done,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and stressful day.
My road to recovery continues onward,but it isn't an easy one at that.I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle is never an easy one.I am usually on an up and down roller coaster ride and that really makes it tough.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.I will still attend my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.I will also continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ when the going and the struggle seems way too difficult to endure.It doesn't make it easier,but it makes it endurable.With God,all things are possible.I am just glad that I can rely on them when the going seems to feel impossible to bear.But again,with God,everything is possible.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was again awakened by yet another erection.The urge to masturbate was really overwhelming.I had to really get up and do something to get the erection to die down.I went to the bathroom and after I was finished,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected and the temptation to do that can be very overwhelming.As stated,when tempted,I can simply throw them on God and his son Jesus Christ and they will get me through the temptation.After telling them about the temptation,I can move on with the rest of the day and I feel better about it.Thanks to God and Jesus Christ for being there when they are needed.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and I bathed quickly.After my quick bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed quickly to hurry over to my improving self esteem group.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local pizzeria for two slices of pizza as a quick lunch.After that,I headed straight home.
When IO got home,I finished my personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and watched a DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,but it is still a difficult road ahead.I am still having to deal with and struggle with BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that it has.It is never easy and it does happen day to day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which make the struggle even more difficult.But I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through and it does ease the struggle a little.It is still difficult,but with God and Jesus Christ taking over,it isn't as difficult as going it alone without them.I just keep relying on them and it is okay.The more that I rely on them,the better that I feel.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection out of a deep sleep.I had to really fight this overwhelming urge as I was still tired and sleepy.I simply started to get up and as I was doing so,the erection started to soften and when I got up to go to the bathroom,the erection was dead and I simply went back to sleep afterwards.But later on,I started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation,but stopped myself and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that.I need to learn to not touch myself inappropriately for lustful and sexual purposes as that can lead to sinful activity such as masturbation or to start seeking out other men for the purpose of indulging in sexual activity with them.Though I escaped those episodes,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful whenever the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,and work to fight and resist it.The more that I resist,the more stronger the urge comes the next time around.That sort of temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Again,I simply rely on God and Jesus Christ when that happens and after that,it has faded and it is long forgotten.I just have to keep on doing that and I will feel better in the long run.The struggle with SSA is never and easy one,but with God and Christ taking over,I can overcome anything as the Holy Bible says in it's own way "With God,all things are possible."Thanks God and Jesus Christ for everything.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I immediately got dressed up in a suit and I headed over to church for the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the study class and worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with the people,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local gas station to get some gas.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and I did my personal PC work.I wanted to get home as it was a really hot,hazy and humid day.After my personal PC work was done,I relaxed and I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it while relaxing.I also watched another one.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.For me,going to church always makes the day eventful.
My recovery continues to go forward.Still,I have to continue putting up with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle gets even more difficult day after day.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride that can go from bad to worse.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.But as I said before and I will say again,I have God to look after me and I simply throw these things on him in the name of his son Jesus Christ and when I do,I feel better.I still take my medication and I still attend my therapy sessions.But I also have to rely on God and Jesus Christ to get me through the roller coaster rides and also,when the schizophrenic tendencies at times seem to be too much to be bearable and to handle.I feel better and it does ease it a little bit.It is still difficult,but God and his son Jesus Christ make it a tad easier.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.It was really yet another overwhelming urge and I really had to use my strength to fight this temptation.I simply got up and walked until the erection softened.I simply went back to sleep when it did.But later on,during the Holy Bible study class at church,images of naked men and immoral sexual images began to cloud up my mind.When I could,I immediately went into the restroom and quietly prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and simply put the temptation in his hands and asked him to help clear my mind of anything immoral and sexually impure regarding men and after the prayer was over,I felt much better and I immediately joined everyone in the chapel for the worship service.Though I escaped these episodes,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to keep relying on God through his son Jesus Christ to get me through all the temptations that come to take over me constantly.I just throw it on God and ask in his son Jesus Christ's name to take it away and after the prayer is over,I feel better and it is now history.I feel better now that I can rely more on God whenever these temptations come around and afterwards,I can forget about them.If it happens again after the first one,I just pray again and it is all over.Thanks to God and Jesus Christ for being there and getting me through these difficult spells.Without them,I would be lost and would be committing sinful acts knowing the truth.Thanks again God and Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow,I have my usual improving self esteem group.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery marches on.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I had a quick lunch.After lunch,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had only a couple of things to do.
I first went to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple packs of toilet tissue and after paying for those,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few more things there.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I popped a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery marches on,but the road is still not an easy one.I still have to struggle with the symptoms of BPD and that is never an easy one.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride and that is what makes it difficult.I am in therapy and I do take medication as directed,which I will both continue to do,but the struggle to try and keep my moods on an even scale are never easy.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD.While the struggle with a double whammy like I have is never an easy one,I still rely on God to get me through any of the difficulties.I just turn to God whenever the struggle seems unbearable.He and his son Jesus Christ really do help when asked.I feel better whenever I throw this on them and they get me out.It does make me feel relieved and I am turning to them whenever I do need to talk to them when this struggle seems unbearable.If I don't, I won't know whether I am coming or going.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections at a few separate intervals in the morning.This real whammy was really overwhelming me as it felt like the desire to masturbate an erection away was starting to overtake me.As the wee early morning hours were moving forward,I started to pray to God to give me strength to fight and resist this temptation to masturbate.I was still sleepy and as a result,my speech wasn't really straightforward as a result of the drowsiness and tiredness,but I managed to get some words out before falling back asleep while talking to God.I did escape this episode thanks to God,but the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.At times,the temptation to act out can be very overwhelming and also,unbearable.But again,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through any temptation.After that,the temptation simply fades into non-existence.I feel better and I can carry on without thinking about the temptations.I even try reading the recommended Holy Bible readings in the daily devotions that I receive in my e-mail.I have to continually rely on God and Christ more than on my own strength as that is the only way that I will get anywhere in these struggles.I also ask that those reading these posts also pray for me as well.I would appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,it is church as usual in the morning.Regarding the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues marching forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my bath,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first had to go to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and after that,I headed over to the post office to mail out an important letter.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up one more thing.After paying for that item,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and relaxed for a short time.
I also had one more thing on my agenda.I had an appointment for my one on one study class with the pastor over at the church.When the time came for that,I headed over to the church to meet with him and study the material that he assigned me to read every week.
The meeting was wonderful.After the meeting was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while and I also watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to march forward and it is still a very rocky road at that.I have to continually put up with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle with that is never easy.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.But again,I am simply relying on God more than on my own strength and power.Since doing that,I am having a much better time working on managing this stuff.It doesn't make it easier,but it does make it only a tad bearable.It is tough going through what I have to go through,but with God and his son Jesus Christ taking over,I have nothing to worry about.I simply throw it on God and for his help in the name of his son Jesus Christ.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.The temptation to masturbate it away was very overwhelming.I had to really fight to resist this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one.I simply got up to use the bathroom and after I was finished,the erection died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,the temptation to act out,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Day after day,I get the temptation to act out on thee unnatural desires that I have and I am always in the fight to do what is right.Still,all I do is that I throw it all on God and ask him to keep me strong.I simply do that and after talking with him about it,I feel much better.All it takes is approaching him in the name of his son Jesus Christ and when I put it in their hands,it is like that a big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.I feel better and I can go on with the rest of the day.Now,I simply rely on God and he gets me through the temptation with the power of his son Jesus Christ working alongside him.Thanks go to God and his son Jesus Christ.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ