Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one at that.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After the bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up quickly and I headed over to the church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone afterwards,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a store to pick up something.After paying for it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.I also heated up a cup of Echinacea tea and drank it during a break from the PC work.I started to brew another cup of tea after that and drank it after I was done with my personal PC work.
After my personal work was done,I got all of my dirty clothes together so I could take them to the laundromat to get them cleaned up.After putting everything in the car,I headed for the place.
On the way there,I made a couple of stops.I stopped at a local convenience store to pick up something to drink.After that,I headed over to a local Chinese restaurant to pick up a hot bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup and a couple of egg rols.After paying for them,I headed straight to the laundromat.
When I got to the laundromat,I put all of my dirty clothes in a washer and relaxed while waiting for them to get clean.I had my lunch while waiting for them to get clean
After about 45 minutes,my clothes were ready to be put inside a couple of dryers to get dried.After a little over 1/2 an hour,I pulled them out and folded them up and bagged them.After bagging them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I unbagged the laundry and put it all in it's proper place.After that,I made another cup of Echinacea tea and relaxed while drinking it.I also made another one before eating.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
My recovery still continues to move forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.Then again,when somebody,like myself,struggles with BPD,the road is usually a rough and rocky one indeed.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is never easy dealing and struggling with this.Aside from BPD,I also have struggles with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.It also doesn't make my struggles with Homosexuality and easier at all.I will continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one of these days,I will start feeling good one day and will continue to do so for a little while longer rather than put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am on constantly.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out by masturbating in the wee early morning hours when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.It wasn't just the erection that woke me up,it was also because my right eye was watery.I simply walked to the medicine chest and took tow Echinacea and Goldenseal capsules with water followed by two ibuprofen liquid gels.Within a couple minutes,my eye stopped watering and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to constantly keep in mind that the temptation to act out,no matter what type it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Nobody,like myself,can guess when the temptation to act out will come around.I have to work on staying strong and keeping up a good fight against temptation.I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners out for the purpose of acting out with them as sexual thoughts about men continue to preoccupy my mind constantly,but I willfully choose not to do that and I stay home whenever that temptation rolls around.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that goes with that affirmation.I also want to relate,identify and connect with my fellow men in a healthy and authentic way in the forms of real friendships and bonding with my fellow men,which is all I need and ask for.Again,I am glad that there are those who read everything and I am glad for some encouraging comments that have been left behind by those who regularly read and follow my blog.But I still need some friendly advice on how I can resist the temptation to masturbate and how to stay strong in the face of that temptation.Anything is welcomed.Thanks in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues moving forward,though still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I left the house to do some necessary and personal work.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some more money for myself.After that,I headed over to the post office to mail out an important payment.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and I also registered some bills at the Where's George site.After that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up some groceries that my mom wanted me to get.After paying for those,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up some necessary personal items.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a DVD that I popped in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go onward,it is still a rough and rocky at that.Since I have BPD,I am always on an emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I don't know if my mood will be up or if my mood will be down.It is a very continuous thing.I sometimes wish that I didn't have to go through something like this.Aside from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.The only things that I can continue to do is to continue seeking my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that someday soon,I will get a break from this emotional roller coaster ride and start feeling good for a while rather then this up and down thing that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated an erection away.Later on in those same wee early morning hours,I got yet another morning erection that woke me up out of deep sleep,but that died the minute that I started to move.I really felt bad about this particular episode.I gave into the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires and though the fall was emotional,it is still considered acting out.I don't want to act out on these unnatural desires in any way,shape or form anymore,but I do give into the temptation to do so at times and when I do,it makes me miserable and I feel guilty for doing so.Again,I don't want to act out anymore as acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.On a daily basis,I still get tempted to go out and seek other male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I willfully choose to stay home rather than give into that temptation to do anything immoral,such as having sexual activity with another man.I want to be strong and I want to give up this terrible and unclean habit of masturbation.I don't want to masturbate anymore.Again,if anyone has anything that can help me,please share and I will use it to the best of my own ability.Thanks.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual in the morning and in the afternoon,I will be going to the laundromat to do my laundry as it is beginning to pile up.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the as I had only a few things planned.
There really wasn't much to do today as a result of having rain for the majority of the day.But I did have a few things planned.I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a box of herbal Echinacea tea.After paying for that,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and myself.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the money that I had at the Where's George site and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,which I had to go back out and get it from a local restaurant,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery moves forward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I have to continually put up with the symptoms of BPD on a daily basis.I have to also put up with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I can never predict when my mood will be up or when it will be down.It is just a constant struggle to try and keep yourself emotionally balanced when having BPD and putting up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I am going to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one of these days,my mood will improve and I will feel good for quite a while rather than this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was another throbbing erection at that.Since I had to use the bathroom,I got up and headed for the bathroom and the erection softened as I was heading for there.After using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this temptation episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.The temptation to act out on them can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form of it is,will never give me what I truly need and want.I need real friendships with other men and I want to be affirmed in my gender identity and have feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I want to feel like a man as I am a man and I want to be A MAN among men.I still get tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them.When that temptation rolls around,I choose to simply stay home and not satisfy nor feed that temptation.Aside from that,I also get tempted to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation and at times,I do give into that temptation,but lately,I have chosen to stop myself midway whenever orgasm is about to happen.Aside from SSA,I also struggle with psychological secondary erectile dysfunction as a result of all the abusive things that I went through,including legalistic religious groups,such as the cult that I dropped out of when I was younger and my overbearing religious fanatic father,who was also very legalistic in his approach to me and also,clashes with impulses on both the Homosexual and Heterosexual fronts as I used to get repeatedly pressured and called names by people all because I never gave them what they wanted.Plus,I also think that even the psychiatric medication that I take also has a hand in it as well.I sense that it is psychological because I can get erections while I sleep in the wee early morning hours and I can get myself erect by simple manipulation,although orgasm happens too fast.I really want to stop this terrible,impure and unclean masturbation habit.Masturbation,whether it is emotional or sexual,is a form of acting out and like other forms of acting out on these unnatural desires,it only reinforces that Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.Again,I have seen that there are many visitors to my blog and that they read the posts that I make.I did receive some advice from one person and I am using it to the best of my ability.Still,I am open to any suggestions or advice as to how I can continue to resist any temptation.I know that a lot of you are reading,but nobody is leaving anything positive or encouraging to me.Please leave something that will encourage me or something positive that will help me.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a Men's Network meeting that I must attend.Aide from that,I have no other plans,But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,though it is still a rough and rocky one indeed.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things planned.I first went to my weekly spirituality group and that went as well as expected.After that was over,I headed for a local kitchen to have lunch and after eating,I headed over to a local supermarket to turn in some more empty bottles and after collecting my refund from those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player while doing so.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,it is still a very rough and rocky one at that.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD.I am still continuing to go through the usual emotional roller coaster that goes with the territory of having BPD.I can never predict how my emotions will be from one day to the next.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that someday soon,my recovery from BPD will start improving and I will start to feel good for a while rather than put up with this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really use all of my strength to resist this temptation as it was a really strong one.I tried to toss and turn,but the erection still wouldn't soften.I had to get up and walk around some until the erection died down.I went back to sleep when that happened.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires in any way,shape or form can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to continue using all of my strength to resist each and every temptation that comes my way.The struggle with SSA is definitely no picnic.I have to continually put up with every facet of this condition and the unnatural desires that go with it.I am still tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I willfully choose to stay home and not give into that temptation.Acting out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I am constantly in a fight to stay sexually sober,but these unnatural desires really make it extremely difficult for me to stay sober.Again,I appeal to those who read my blog posts regularly and follow it,please leave some encouragement for me and some practical and helpful advice and/or suggestions as to how I can continually stay strong when these desires try to take control of me.Please share something encouraging to me.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I did have only one thing planned for today and I wanted to get it done.
I had only one place to go.I simply went to a local store to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply popped a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.I am still having to struggles with the symptoms of BPD.It is never an easy struggle to deal with.I have to put up with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that some day soon,my recover will start improving and I will feel good for a long time rather than this continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really fight this overwhelming urge to masturbate this erection away.I tried to toss and turn,but it didn't work.But then,I felt that I needed to use the bathroom,so I got up and walked to the bathroom and while walking there,the erection died down.After using the bathroom,I went right back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have in any way,shape or form,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also have to continue keep in mind that God never intended sexuality the way that the world is using it at the moment.God intended for each of us,male or female,to be healthy and happy Heterosexuals.In God's eyes,we are all Heterosexual as that is what God intended us to be.I simply look at myself as being a Heterosexual man with a Homosexual problem.Right now,the only thing that I truly want and need is healthy and authentic relationships with my fellow man so I can feel like a man and be A MAN among men.I still get tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek out male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I willfully choose to stay home and also,I choose not to satisfy nor feed that temptation.I am still seeking advice and/or suggestions as to what has worked for anyone who continues to follow this blog.I have been getting people checking out what I post on here,but nobody leaves anything encouraging or helpful.To those who check out and read,please leave me an encouraging and helpful comment or two.I need to get by and only the help of people,especially from my fellow men,can get me by.I am applying advice that someone else has given me and I am using it,but I am still open to anything more.Please help me.Thanks in advance for doing so.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.After that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.I had only a couple of things planned.
I first went to the local Dollar Tree store to pick up something for snacking.After that,I went to the nearby supermarket to pick up something else that was needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,it is still a very rough and rocky road that I walk on.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is always a crushing and stressful thing to put up with.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next.It is a constant ride that never seems to end.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier.I will still continue to attend my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start to improve and I will start feeling good for a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection.This temptation was really overwhelming and I really had to use all of my strength to resist this temptation.I really had the urge to grab my genitals and simply masturbate them,but I resisted.I simply got up to go to the bathroom and while on the way there,the erection died down.After using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am still getting tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out with them,but I simply stay home when that temptation happens and I willfully refuse to satisfy or feed that temptation.I still have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also have to keep in mind that God never intended for sexuality to be used in the way that the world is using it for.Again,I am still asking for any help in how to resist these temptations.I seek advice and/or suggestions as to what has worked for you.I see that my blog posts get many viewings,but nobody leaves anything.Please leave an encouraging comment or two or something that can and will help me.Thanks in advance for doing so.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Happy Memorial Day to all my fellow Americans out there.
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,though it is still rough.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my personal PC work was done,I had myself a quick lunch and I got dressed.I had only had a few things planned for the day and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to a local supermarket to turn in some empty cans and bottle that had accumulated in my trunk.After doing that and picking up the money,I headed over to the nearby Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of small things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues onward,the road is still a rough and difficult one.Day after day,I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am continuously on.I don't what days I will be up or what days I will be feeling down.It is always unpredictable.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD,which makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will continue to attend my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good for a long time to come rather than the up and down emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated.I did feel terrible for that terrible fall last night and I was again tempted later on in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a morning erection that was also another throbbing one.Yes,I gave into that temptation last night and I am sorry that I did as it didn't make me feel any better nor any more whole that I am striving to be.It just made me feel miserable.Though this was an emotional fall,I still acted out and that was what made me feel terrible.Also,getting that wee early morning hour erection,which also tempted me to do it again,was also not a help.I want to stop this terrible unclean and dirty habit,but I am having a really difficult time doing that.I don't know what to do nor what to try.I haven't been watching any online porn lately as I am trying to push that out and I haven't watched that in a long time,though it hasn't been easy.I avoid porn or at least try to as I get tempted to watch it every day.I also still get tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as I said before,I willfully choose to stay home and not give into that temptation as acting out will never give me the fulfillment that I truly need and want.The struggle gets even more difficult day in and day out.I so desperately want to heal from these unwanted and unneeded unnatural desires as I don't want to have them anymore.If anyone out there can help me,please do so.I see that there have been many visitors and viewers to my blog,but nobody leaves anything encouraging.I would really appreciate something encouraging and something that might help me with this difficult problem that I have.I know that God never intended sexuality to be this way and he also never intended for any humans he created to be Homosexual as his sacred word,the Holy Bible,condemns such practices by calling them unnatural and downright sinful.Again,though I did receive some advice and I have been using it to the best of my ability,I am still seeking more and more suggestions or advice.Thanks in advance for sharing anything.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go onward,though it is still a rough and rocky one.I had a wonderful and very eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed into a suit and I headed out to the church.I always look forward to attending church each and every week and this morning was no exception.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
Both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards were wonderful.This morning's service was a lot longer than usual as it was confirmation Sunday and the first Sunday of Pentecost.Still,it was a wonderful service and we had triple the amount of people in attendance and there was a lot of wonderful fellowship afterwards.After all of that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and after hanging it up,alongside my shirt and belt,I put on a pair of sweatpants and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I had a quick lunch and after eating that,I headed outside to the car to clean out my trunk of loose empty cans and bottles that were in it and I put them in a couple of trash bags so I can turn them in tomorrow in the early afternoon.After that was done,I went back into the house to relax and I popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,I must say that the road that I am on is a rough and rocky one indeed.I am still having to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is a really difficult struggle to deal with.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and feeling not so good.I put up with this on a daily basis.Aside from the symptoms of BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that someday soon,my recovery will start improving and that I will start to feel good and continue feeling good for a while,instead of this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really fight this temptation as it was stronger than all the other temptations that I have had previously.I tried tossing and turning,but it wouldn't soften.I then got up to walk a little and that is when the erection died down as I headed for the bathroom and after using it,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me the fulfillment that I crave and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I still get tempted to go out out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I willfully choose not to give into that temptation as I choose to stay home and not feed nor satisfy that temptation.I see that people do visit and read the posts that I make here,but are leaving nothing in the comments.Please,if there is anyone out there that can give me anything that may or could help me.please share.I am open to anything.Though I was advised by a fellow follower to try reading and I have been doing that,I still would like to know what any or all of you tried that helped you and why and how it worked for you.Thanks in advance for any answers.
Tomorrow,I have only one thing on my agenda.I am going to turn in all the bottles and cans that I have in the trunk at the store.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,despite the road being rough.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I didn't have too much to do.I simply went to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things that my mom wanted me to get.After paying for those items,I headed to a local convenience store to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the stuff away and I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.I also popped a DVD in the DVD player and I relaxed while watching it.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go onward,the road is still a rough and rocky one at that.I still have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I really don't know how my mood will be day after day.I sometimes wish that I didn't have to struggle with this thing.I wish that I could feel good almost every day rather than feel good one day and/or feel bad the next.Aside from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have as well and that makes it even more difficult.It is just terrible that I have to put up with two things regarding my mentality and emotional makeup all at once.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I just hope that one of these days,I will start feeling good one day and it will continue for a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another morning erection.This was also another throbbing one.The temptation to masturbate that erection away was really overwhelming.I had to really fight this overwhelming urge.I tried to toss and turn,but it was not working.I then discovered that I had to use the bathroom,so I got up to use the bathroom and as I walked there,the erection died down and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to keep in mind that acting out sexually on these unnatural desires will never give me what I truly need and want.I am looking for and craving affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Acting out,no matter what form it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and give me what I truly need and want.I am trying to escape and distance myself from the Homosexual identity and not reinforce it.Day after day,I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I don't satisfy nor feed that temptation.I simply and willfully choose stay home when that sort of temptation comes around.I don't nothing sexual with any man nor men.I want to be a part of the group of men as I am a man myself.God never intended sexuality to be the way that the world has it and I know that the way the world has it is simply wrong,inappropriate and just plain unnatural and immoral.I want to do teh right thing,but these unnatural desires that I have want me to do the opposite,which is sin and simply enjoy living in sin,but I won't do that.Again,though I did receive some good advice and I am applying it,I am still open to anything idea and suggestion wise as to what has worked for you,how it has worked for you and why it worked.Thanks in advance for any answers.
Tomorrow morning,it is church as usual and the morning Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,but it is still a very rough one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
Today,I had only a few things planned.I also wanted to make sure that I did get them done.I first went to the local laundromat,which is also a place where they dry clean and fix things like zippers in coats and pants,and dropped off a pair of suit pants to replace the zipper.After doing that,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things that I had forgotten yesterday.After paying for those things,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things that were needed.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and decided to get ready for my appointment with the pastor of the church.During that time,I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.These meetings have been going great and I have been getting a lot out of these.When the time came,I headed over to the church to talk with him.
The meeting with the pastor was wonderful.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery moves on,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.As I have shared before,I do have BPD.It is a very difficult thing to deal with.I have to put up with the continual emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.On certain days,I can be up and feeling good while on other days,down and feeling not so good.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have alongside the BPD,which makes it even more difficult.I have to put up with hearing things that nobody else hears,like footsteps,voices calling out my name and just about anything else that happens.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.The only things that I can continue to do is continue my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one of these days,I will feel good and will feel that way for a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours twice when I was awakened be morning erections at two separate intervals in the wee early morning hours.They were both throbbing erections as well.The desire to give into that temptation was very overwhelming and I had to really had to fight this temptation.On the first one,I had to get up and walk for a bit until the erection softened.I went back to sleep after that.On the second one,I had to get up and use the bathroom and while I was heading for there,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out in any way will rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to keep in mind that acting out on my unnatural desires will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners out for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I willfully choose to stay home and not satisfy nor feed that temptation,though I do admit that it isn't an easy thing do nor is it easy to struggle with when you're starving for healthy and authentic contact with other men.I want to make friends with other men,and I mean be friends with them,and not have anything sexual with them.I want to relate and identify and connect with other men in a healthy and authentic manner.I also have to keep in mind that acting out on my desires,in any way,shape or form,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to disown,escape from and distance myself from.I don't want to masturbate nor do I want to act out on these unnatural desires in any way,because that is not what God intended us humans to be and not what he intended sexuality to be.I want to do what is right in God's eyes and through his scared word,the Holy Bible,but my unnatural desires want me to do the opposite.God forbids the sexual activity between two members of the same gender as his word,the Holy Bible,says so.Though I am using the advice that a follower gave me and I am applying that advice to the best of my ability,I am still open to any more advice and/or suggestions as to what has worked for them and how they made it work for them.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I really don't have anything else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed as usual.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to get on with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.When the week started,I thought that I was going to have to miss this as a result of my car troubles,but since my car is back on the road,I went there and again,looking forward to it.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after lunch,I headed over to see how a friend was doing.After a few minutes with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.I also did some more recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues,but the road is still a very rough road indeed.It is the territory when one does struggle with BPD and it's symptoms.I still have to continually deal and struggle with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.Aside from that,I am also having to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD,which makes the struggle with this even more difficult.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,I will start feeling good for a period of time rather than be on this continuous emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.It was also another throbbing erection.I have to repeatedly toss and turn until the erection would soften and though it took longer than usual,it did.I went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out in many ways can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to work on my strength to keep up the fight against this temptation.Aside from the temptation to masturbate,I also get tempted to act out in other ways,with the most common temptation being that I get tempted on a daily basis to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as stated,I don't give into that temptation.I simply stay home whenever that temptation rolls around.I also have to continually keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never ever satisfy my need for gender identity affirmation nor will it give me the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Acting out,no matter what form it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.The SSA struggle is a really difficult one indeed.I want to do the right thing as God describes in his holy word,the Holy Bible.But my unnatural sexual desires want me to do the opposite.Again,I am still open to any suggestions as what has worked for you in your fights to resist any form of temptation and I will try to put whatever you share with me to the best of my ability.Thanks in advance for sharing.
Tomorrow,I only have a meeting with the pastor of the church on my agenda.As for teh rest of the day,before and after,I haven't got anything else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues forward,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and since I had only a couple of thing planned for today,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to get some gas at a local gas station.After that,I did a little bit of grocery shopping.I had to pick up something that my mom needed.After paying for that item,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put what I had bought away and I helped my mom set up a window fan in the kitchen window.After that was done,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward,but the road is still a rocky and rough one.Then again,when you are someone who struggles with the symptoms of BPD,the road will always be rocky.I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that on a daily basis.I don't really know nor can I predict how my emotions are going to be.On one day,I can be up and feeling good,while on another day,I can be down and not so good.On some days,it happens on the very same day,where I am up and feeling good one minute and down and feeling not so good the next.At times,it seems unbearable.Aside from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD,which makes my struggles even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one day,my recovery will start improving and I will start feeling good for a while instead of this constant emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one.I really had to fight this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one.I tried to toss and turn,but it wasn't working.I had to get up and walk to the bathroom as I had to go and use it and that is when the erection died down.After using the bathroom,I simply went to sleep.But after finally getting up and putting my bath water in,I sat down and I started to fondle myself and when I was erect,I started to masturbate,but stopped.This unclean and nasty habit has really become a very overwhelming thing for me.It has really grabbed a hold of me and it seems that it is controlling me.I want to control the habit,not have the habit control me.I also want to own my sexuality,not have my sexuality own me.Whenever the craving the masturbate occurs,it can be an overwhelming craving indeed.I don't want to masturbate any longer,but I wind up giving into the temptation to do it when it comes,sometimes.I really don't know whether I am coming or going.Not only that,aside from the temptation to masturbate,I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I simply stay home and I don't feed nor satisfy that temptation.I have to continually keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly want or need.It will only leave me feeling empty and yearning for more of anything sexual,which will lead to even more emptiness.I need to have healthy and authentic relationships with members of my own gender,which leads to affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.My mind can get pretty preoccupied with sexual images of men and the cravings to indulge in sinful sexual activity with them.I want and need to think of healthy,authentic and pure thoughts of men and not the opposite.I just need to be around other men in a healthy and authentic environment which can lead to affirmation,authenticity and the feeling of being able to feel like a man and I mean A MAN.Again,I am putting some advice to good use in the area of trying to resist the temptations,but I still need to have even more advice and/or suggestions as to how I can continue this resistance.Again,anything offered is appreciated.Thanks so much in advance.
Tomorrow,I have my Thursday morning spirituality group and after that,lunch at the community kitchen.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
Today,I went to pick up my car at the garage.It was all fixed up and all I had to do was pay the bill.My niece gave me a ride down there and before heading for the garage,I stopped at a nearby branch of my bank to deposit some money.After the deposit was made,I headed over to the garage and paid the repair bill.After that was paid,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and I got ready to do some more additional work for my mom.
I first went to the post office to mail out something important that had to be mailed out.After that was done,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something else that was needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and decided to get ready for my appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor,which I was almost afraid that I had to cancel as a result of my car troubles.But since I didn't have to,I headed over there to meet with her.
The session with her went wonderful.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my road to recovery continues,despite it being a rough road,I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD.I am still putting up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It does get monotonous and tiresome at times.I sometimes wish that I didn't have to put up with this thing and also that I can feel good for a long while rather than up and feeling good one day and down and feeling not so good the next.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that I will start feeling good for a while in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours twice to masturbate when I was awakened by morning erections at two separate intervals in the wee early morning hours.Both of these were also throbbing erections.At both intervals,I had to get up and walk until both of these erections died down.The first time,I had to use the bathroom and after I was done and the erection died down,I went back to sleep.At the second one,I simply walked back and forth until the erection died down and like the first,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this double whammy,I still get tempted to act out by masturbation whenever these morning erections occur.I try to resist and at times I do fail,but I stay in the fight in overcoming SSA.I also still get tempted to go out and seek other men for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I don't feed nor satisfy that temptation,as I choose to stay home rather than give into it by going out.The temptation to act out in any way,shape or form can rear it's ugly head when least expected and it makes it even more difficult to deal with.I still have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires will never give me what I truly need and want.Acting out will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.I also have to continually keep in mind that God didn't intend for sexuality to be this way nor did he intend for us humans to be Homosexual as he intended everyone,male and female,to be healthy and happy Heterosexuals.The sexual activity between two members of the same gender is not approved of by God because his sacred word,the Holy Bible,condemns such activity.A fellow follower gave me advice to read and keep reading and I am applying this.But still,I am open to any more advice or suggestions as to how I can resist any temptation to act out.Anything offered is appreciated.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,but still rough.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I called AAA to have them tow my car to the garage so it can get fixed and it is at the garage waiting to get fixed.After that,I did my personal PC work and I simply put on a pair of sweatpants and I relaxed for a while.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
Since my car is in the repair shop waiting to get fixed,I had nothing else to nor any place else to go.So,I relaxed and watched a couple of movies in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty fair day.
My car needs a brake hose.It will be ready tomorrow morning.My life will be back on track again.
My recovery continue to move onward,but the road is still a rough one.I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD and it's symptoms.It is this constant emotional roller coaster ride that I have to put up with and endure.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and feeling not so good.It is usually unpredictable.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts improving soon and I will be feeling good for a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours by masturbating an erection away.I really felt terrible about giving into that and it didn't make me feel different than I did before I gave into that.I have to develop much stronger resistance to this dirty habit.I don't want to masturbate anymore nor act out in other ways.Masturbation is simply a dirty and unclean habit.It won't give me what I truly want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also have to continually keep in mind that acting out in other ways also won't give what I need and want,either.Day after day,I still get tempted to go out and search for male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I simply stay home when that temptation comes and I don't feed nor satisfy that temptation.Acting out,no matter what form of acting out it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to distance myself and escape from.Though I did get some advice and though it works throughout the day when temptation rolls around,I am still seeking advice and/or suggestions as to how I can continue to resist any temptation to act out.Anything is always welcomed.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.Despite some setbacks,I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and since my car has to go back into the shop again due to something wrong with the brake mechanism,I phoned my niece and she dropped me off at church this morning.
On the way,my niece and I talked about some things and after dropping me off,I informed her that I would call her the minute that the service over.She left and I joined the Holy Bible study class and an hour an a half later,the worship service.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful as I got quite a lot out of them both.After some wonderful fellowship with the rest of the people,I phoned my niece to pick me up and she dropped me off at home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.I had a quick lunch and afterwards,I did my personal PC work.
Tomorrow morning,I am going to have my car towed to the garage,to be on the safe side,for them to check out and get back to me regarding what needs to be fixed on it and I am hoping that it will not be too much money.I am just going to hope for the best and expect the worst.
Since the car needs repairs,I had no place to go and nothing to do,so I relaxed and watched a movie or two.I did feel sort of down as a result,but I am still hoping that it isn't that bad.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I watched a TV special.After that,I popped a DVD in the DVD player before doing some last minute personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
My road to recovery continues moving forward,despite a really rough and rocky road.Then again,it goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I don't know when my mood will up and feeling good or when my mood will be down and feeling not so good.It is always the same emotional roller coaster ride that happens continuously with anyone who has this disorder.At times,it happens all in one day when one minute I can be up and feeling good and then the next,down and feeling not so good.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.I have to put up with hearing things that nobody else hears.It makes my recovery even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue taking my medication as directed.I am still hoping that my recovery will improve one of these days where I will be feeling good for a little while instated of this roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one as well.I tried to toss and turn the erection away,but it wasn't working.I simply got up to walk and since I felt that I had to go to the bathroom,I simply headed for the bathroom and my genitals softened.After using the bathroom,I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful.The temptation to act out,no matter what form of it will be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to be watchful.I have to constantly keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires will never give me what I truly need and truly want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I still get tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek out male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as stated,I don't feed nor satisfy that temptation as I simply stay home when that occurs.I still get tempted to act out in other ways,such as fantasies,masturbation to them or simply masturbation for emotional reasons.It can come in any way,shape or form when least expected.I have said it before and I will say it again,though I did get some helpful advice and I am using it to the best of my abilities,I am still open to any more advice or suggestions as to what has worked for anyone who has been following this blog of mine.Thanks in advance for sharing anything helpful.
As for tomorrow,since my car is in need of repair,I don't have anything planned and since I can't go to my usual Monday afternoon group,I will just stay home and take it easy.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my usual personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things that I needed to get done.I first went to the local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things for my mom and after paying for them< I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply had a light lunch and after that,I headed back out again to do a couple more important things.
I stopped at a local 7-Eleven to pick up a light snack and something to drink with it.After finishing the snack,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I even did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to move on,though the road is still and rough and rocky one.Then again,it is never easy putting up with the emotional roller coaster ride and the other various symptoms of BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I can never predict that.It is just that the roller coaster ride that goes with the territory can get pretty monotonous and tiresome at times.As I have stated before,one day,I can be up and feeling good while on another day,down and feeling not so good.Sometimes,it happens in one day.Apart from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD,which makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier at all,either.I am going to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I hope that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will start to feel good for a while rather than this dreaded emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection twice.The first time,I had to get up and use the bathroom and while going there,the erection died down and after I was finished in the bathroom,I went back to sleep.The second time,I simply turned to my right side and the erection died down and again,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this double whammy,I know that the temptation to act out in every way can rear it's ugly head when least expected.When this happens,I have to continually keep in mind that acting out in any way,shape or form will never give what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with the affirmation.I also have to continually keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape,flee and distance myself from.I don't want to have anything sexual with any man.I want to be accepted and affirmed by my fellow man.I also want to relate,identify and connect with my fellow man in a healthy authentic way.My needs are basically emotional needs that need to be fulfilled in healthy and authentic ways and sexual activity will only distance myself from fulfilling those needs in a healthy and authentic way.The temptation to act out on these unnatural desires have really been overwhelming me as of late.I still get tempted to go out and seek other male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but again,I simply stay home and willfully refuse to feed or satisfy that temptation as that really isn't what I want to do.Though I did receive some helpful advice and I am trying my hardest to apply it,I am still open to any more advice and/or suggestion as to what has worked for others who have been in the same predicament that I am in.Thanks in advance for anything.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual,including the morning Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.Aside from this,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though still rough.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I managed to wake up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had quite a few things planned.
I first had to go to the repair garage to get my electronic sensor replaced to turn off the Check Engine light.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things needed for dinner.After paying for those articles,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up some personal items.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the stuff away in their proper places and afterwards,I did my personal PC work.
After my PC work was done,I headed back out again to pick up a can of Spaghettios from a local Dollar Tree store.I headed straight home after paying for it.
After getting home,I heated up the can in the microwave and that was my lunch.After cleaning the dish,I headed back out again to get a light snack at another local supermarket and after that,I stopped at a local 7-Eleven to pick up something to drink.After eating the snack and finishing the drink in the car,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got ready for my meeting with the church pastor and I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm as I usually do.
The meeting went wonderfully well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work,alongside some recommended Holy Bible reading.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to move through,though the road is still a rocky one indeed.Then again,when one,like myself,struggles with the BPD and it's symptoms and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is usually a very difficult thing to deal and struggle with.One day,I could be up and feeling good,but the next day,down and feeling not so good.At times,it happens in one day where one minute I can be feeling good,but the next minute,feeling not so good.Aside from that emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.I will continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good for quite a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.The temptation to masturbate it away was really overwhelming and it was also stronger than yesterday's temptation.This time,I simply turned to my right and the erection died down and I fell back asleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to continue to keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly need and want.Acting out will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.I still get tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek other men for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I simply stay home and choose not to feed or even satisfy this temptation.The road to overcoming SSA is a very difficult one indeed.I am still seeking advice from people who follow my blog on what has worked for them and how and why it worked.I am still applying the advice that a fellow follower gave,but I am still open to any new suggestions or advice.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
As for the weekend,with the exception of attending church,which includes attending the Holy Bible study class before the worship service,I haven't really made any plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that the benefits that it gives me are positive.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my weekly spirituality group and I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.I got a lot out of it.After the group was over,I headed over to a community kitchen to have lunch.After that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Wal-Mart to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rocky one indeed.It is never easy when you are someone struggling with BPD.It is always difficult dealing with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.One day,I can be up and feeling good,but the next day,down and not so good.Sometimes,it can get monotonous.There are times that I feel like nothing at all and there are times when I feel like there is something there,but nothing comes of it.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will feel good for a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection.It also was another throbbing one.The temptation to masturbate the erection away was really overwhelming,but I fought it.I had to get up and use the bathroom and while walking there,the erection died down.After using the bathroom,I simply went back to sleep for a while because a few hours later,it would have been time for me to get up anyway.Though I escaped this episode,I have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Temptation is a very fickle thing.The more you try to resist and fight the temptation,the more stronger the temptation becomes.It just keeps getting stronger the more resistance that anyone puts up.I also get tempted to act out in other ways,especially in the one crucial area where I get the temptation to go out and seek a male partner for the purpose of indulging in sexual activity with him,but I simply stay home whenever that type of temptation comes around as I willfully refuse to feed it or satisfy it.I do get tempted into indulging in fantasy,but if I ever do get that,I try to change my frame of mind and try to think of other positive wholesome things,though it isn't easy.I still have to keep in mind that acting out will only leave me feeling empty and wanting more and more in regards to sexual activity and that type of thing can lead to AIDS,which is something that I don't want as AIDS is incurable and can kill.Plus,it will only keep me even further away from satisfying my same sex emotional needs,such as gender identity affirmation and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Again,I did get some great advice from a fellow follower of my blog here and I am putting it to good use to the best of my abilities,I am still open to any other forms of advice and/or suggestions on how I can continue to resist any temptation and continue to stay strong when it comes around.Thanks in advance for anything offered or shared.
Tomorrow,I have to get my car fixed in the early morning hours and in the late afternoon,I have an appointment to meet with the pastor of the church.Aside from those things,I have made no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had a few things planned.
I first headed over to the repair garage as my check engine light in my car was now frozen on and wasn't going off.They simply checked it out to see what the problem is and how much it might cost and since no work was done,I headed for home.I have to bring the car in on Friday morning and they will do the work then.It is going to be a very expensive job and I will be glad to get it fixed.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to march forward despite the road being rough and rocky.I still,on a daily basis,have to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD.I have to continually put up with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.As I have shared before and I will share again.On certain days,I can be up and feeling good,but on others down and not so good.There are times when this happens all in one day where I can be up and feeling good one minute,but down and not so good the next.It is always a difficult struggle indeed.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have and that also makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I will continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one day,my recovery will improve and I will be feeling good for a while and not be on this roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a throbbing erection.I had to really fight this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one indeed.I tossed and turned,but it wasn't working.I discovered that I had to use the bathroom and so I walked to the bathroom and that is when the erection started to soften.I used the bathroom and after that,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out by masturbating,be it emotional or sexual,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually stay on guard and be watchful when these temptations roll around.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly want and need.Acting out,no matter what form it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to distance myself from and escape from.I don't want to reinforce nor do I want to be a Homosexual.The main reason is that God never intended men to be Homosexual as his word,the Holy Bible,condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.He intended all of us,be they male or female,to be healthy and happy Heterosexuals as that what God intended sexuality to be and not what the world intended it for at all.I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I don't give in to nor feed or satisfy that temptation as acting out will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I need to have real male friends where the friendships can lead to healthy bonding and positive friendship connections where I can relate,identify and connect with other men in a healthy and authentic way where I can feel like a man and put me on the road to attaining my lost maleness and to finally be the man that God intended me to be.Again,though I did get some helpful advice from a follower and I am putting it to good use,I am still seeking even more helpful advice and suggestions from anyone else who follows or reads my blog.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and I am hoping to get an awful lot out of it.As for the rest of the day,I Haven't made any other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had only a couple of things planned.
I first had to drop off something at one of my mom's friends houses.I also had to drop off some stuff at other people's houses as well.After that was done,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that my mom wanted me to get.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed for a while.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward and the road is still a rocky one.Then again,when a person,like myself,struggles with BPD,the road to recovery is never an easy one.I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am continuously on.On one day,I can be up and feeling good while the next day I can be down and feeling not so good.It is always a huge emotional put downer and also,a very stressful thing to go through.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.It really makes the struggle even more difficult.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.I just hope that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will feel better for a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation for the second consecutive time by masturbating in the wee early morning hours when I had another morning erection.I really felt miserable after this fall and I was just depressed and not feeling so good at all.I mean,I am trying to resist the temptation to act out on my unnatural desires and I wind up giving into them by masturbating an erection away.Again,I really felt miserable and I just felt like that I have gone too far.But I am still going to stay in the fight as I am not giving up.This was just a fall and I need to pick myself up and start all over again.A fall isn't the end of the world,though at times,it does feel like that.I need to get my mind on positive and spiritual things and get my mind off of sexual activity with members of my own gender.I am still.on a daily basis,getting tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out in a sexual manner with them,but I simply choose to stay home and not satisfy nor feed that temptation.Acting out,no matter what type of acting out it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and not fulfill any of my same sex emotional needs.I need to have positive reinforcement of my same sex emotional needs and not negative reinforcement.The only way that I can get this positive reinforcement is to simply have positive relationships with members of my own gender in the forms of friendships,male bonding,relating and identifying with my fellow men and connecting with them in a healthy authentic way to get my same sex emotional needs fulfilled.Acting out will only keep me as far away from fulfillment of those needs and again,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.I want to be the man that God intended me to be and I am determined to be that man that God intended me to be.I don't want to be a Homosexual and I no longer want to have these desires.Though I am putting advice from a follower to heart and I am applying it to the best of my ability,I am still eager for even more advice or suggestions as they are all very much welcomed.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though rough and rocky,marches on.I have a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I first went to my online recovery resources group and that went well.After that was over,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while,including some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to march forward,but it is a rough and rocky road that I am on.It isn't easy struggling with BPD and it's symptoms.It is also not easy dealing and struggling with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or if I am going to be down and not so good.This is never a very easy road to recover from and it is never an easy thing to deal with.Aside from the BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have.Those tendencies make my struggles even more difficult to deal with,including my struggles with SSA.I am going to continue my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping,and I am going to continue holding on to the hope,that my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good for a while instead of the emotional roller coaster that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours by masturbating when I had an erection.It really brought me down.I felt so terrible about giving into this dirty and unclean habit.I fell and it made me miserable.I need to get my mind off anything sexual with men.I need to think of other things that are beneficial for my growth spiritually and my growth emotionally instead of sexual activity with other guys.This morning,the fall was emotional as I had an erection that awoke me out of a deep sleep and there was nothing sexual involved in thought or actuality.But my mind is still continuously preoccupied with sexual images of men and thoughts of acting out sexually with other men.I need as well as want to get these unnatural and sinful thoughts out of my mind.I want to think of pure thought about men by thinking of men as spiritual brothers and that each and every man is a mirrored image of each other.Men are incompatible as sexual partners as men created man and woman in regards to sexuality and never intended for sexuality to be the way that the rest of the world thinks it is,including Homosexual sexual activity and it's equivalents.God intended for all of us to be Heterosexual as he did create man and woman for a reason.Again,I still get the temptation to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as I said before and I will say again,I don't give in nor do I feed or satisfy that temptation.Also again,I need and want to take my mind off of anything sexual with other men and need and want to think of men as brothers and that the only right manly love is brotherly love.Though I am putting into practice the advice that I got from a fellow follower,I still need even more advice or suggestions from others on how I can get my mind off of anything sexual and think only pure and natural thoughts of my fellow spiritual brothers.Thanks in advance for anything shared and given.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out in the world everywhere.
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to march forward,though the road is still rough.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful as I got a lot out of both of them.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed for the home.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.After dropping something off at the neighbor's house,I had myself some lunch and after that,I did my personal PC work.
Since today was Mother's Day and there wasn't anything for me to do,I simply relaxed for a while and popped a DVD in.My sister was over for much of the day and I just relaxed and watched the movie.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,my mom and I watched a special TV program on that we had been waiting all week to see.I did watch the evening news a little later.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
My road to recovery continues marching forward,but the road is still rough and rocky all around.Then again,when someone,like myself,suffers and struggles with BPD,the road to recovery is never an easy one,as it is always difficult.I am continually putting up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.I don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I can be up and feeling good one day and I could be down and not so good the next.Sometimes,it happens on the same day when I can be feeling good and up one minute and down and not so good the next.It is never easy.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.The only thing that I can continue doing is to still continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start to improve very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another morning erection.I had to really fight this temptation as each and every temptation to masturbate gets even stronger whenever I get an erection during the wee early morning hours.I tried to toss and turn,but it didn't work as the erection continued to throb.I simply got up and headed for the bathroom as I had to use it anyway and when I reached the bathroom,the erection died down and I simply went back to sleep after I was finished in the bathroom.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful.The temptation to act out on these unnatural SSA desires that I have can rear it's ugly head before I even realize that it's there.I will just have to keep fighting these urges when they do try to overtake me.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me the fulfillment that I truly need.It will never give me the affirmation of my gender identity nor will it give me any feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Aside from the temptation to masturbate any erections away,I still get tempted to act out in other ways.Day after day,I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners out to act out sexually with them,but I don't fulfill nor feed that temptation.Whenever that temptation starts to rare it's ugly head,I choose to stay home instead of going out as I know that it will never give me what I truly want and need.Acting out,no matter what type of that it is,will only leave me feeling empty and wanting more and more until it becomes and addiction as well as an obsession.Acting out will never connect me with my lost maleness in any way.I still have to continually seek out real male friends and simply learn from them.Regarding the male friends,I simply want to relate,identify and connect in a healthy authentic way with other men and just be one of the guys as I am a guy myself.Plus,God never intended for men to be Homosexual as he intended each and every man to be Heterosexual as that what he intended sexuality to be and he also created woman for a reason.Though I am still applying the advice that one follower of my blog did share and I am putting the advice to good use,I am still open to any suggestions or any advice on how I can continue to resist these temptations.Anything said and shared is appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Monday afternoon recovery group.After that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still rough.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and headed out to go to the post office to mail out an important payment that needed to be mailed out.After I was done at the post office,I headed out to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick a couple of things that my mom needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff bought away and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I first stopped at a local 7-Eleven to pick up a light lunch.After eating that lunch,I headed over to a friends house to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how another friend was doing.After a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while,did some recommended Holy Bible reading and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to move forward,but the road is a very rough one.I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I can never tell how my mood will be one day or the next,or at times,one minute to the next.It is simply a continuous roller coaster ride that is always unpredictable.It having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have alongside the BPD.I have to put up with hearing noises and things that nobody else hears,such as footsteps,hearing my name being called and there is nobody around when I turn around to see if someone is calling me and other noises.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will continue my therapy sessions and I will also continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my recovery will start improving and I can start feeling good for a while instead of the roller coaster ride that my emotions are always on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate when I was awakened by an erection.This was also another throbbing one.This erection was almost unbearable and horrendous.I had to really get up and take a walk,but for a while,my penis still remained erect.I just kept it up until it would soften and when I felt that I had to use the bathroom,I simply headed for the bathroom and the erection started to die down.After using the bathroom,I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that acting out in any,way,shape or form will never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Masturbation,which is a form of acting out either by emotional or fanciful(i.e.fantasy)purposes,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and keep me even further away from my lost maleness that I am trying to attain.The Homosexual identity is an identity that I am trying to distance myself from and escape from and acting out will only reinforce that identity.It the temptation to masturbate isn't bad enough,I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purposes of having sexual activity with them.But I don't go out to satisfy nor fulfill that temptation as it also will never give me what I truly need or want,either.I have to keep in mind God's law regarding sexuality and that God made man and woman and intended each and every one of us living on Earth to be healthy and happy Heterosexuals.Homosexuality is simply an identity that wasn't what God intended for us humans living on Earth as it happened after the fall from perfection when Adam and Eve disobeyed God and were unrepentant in their sin and as a result,led all of mankind into imperfection,sin,including sexual sin,and the worst of all,death.I am only trying to adhere to God's laws regarding sexuality and I don't want to act out on my unnatural desires and reinforce the identity that I am trying to distance myself from and escape,which is Homosexuality.Again,I did get some really good advice from a fellow follower and though I am trying to apply it in my life in my resistance to acting out on my unnatural sexual desires,I am still seeking even more advice and/or suggestions in this area.I am also still open to anything.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,being Mother's Day,I only have church on my agenda and the Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ