Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed to head out to the garage to get my oil changed.When I got there,I waited twenty minutes and after the oil change was completed,I paid them and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply went back to sleep as I was still feeling tired and sleepy.I set the alarm for a certain time,but woke up several minutes before the alarm was supposed to go off as a result of me having to use the bathroom.
After using the bathroom,I settled in to get my personal PC work done.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for all of those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
I also had one other thing that I needed to attend to today.I had an appointment to meet with the pastor of the church to continue our weekly one on one studies that we have been having.The study went great and after it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward.But my struggles with BPD make the recovery more difficult.I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will also continue taking my medication as directed.While the struggle with BPD and having schizophrenic tendencies alongside that is a difficult one,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to feel unbearable.It doesn't make the struggle any easier,but it does make me feel more at ease a little bit.I have to continually rely on them more rather than on my own strength to keep me going.I also have to put up with random obsessive thoughts,but with God and his son Jesus Christ taking over,they simply disappear once I talk to them about these thoughts.It is wonderful to rely on them more and also,to see that they are leading the way makes me feel a little bit better.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted twice to masturbate.Once in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection out of a deep sleep and another time when I was taking that nap when I got home when images of men without their clothes on started to cloud my mind.With both of these,I simply got up and the erections started to soften and since I had to use the bathroom at both instances,I simply went back to sleep after I was finished.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It is not a very pleasant thing to put up with or have,but it does happen.I want to do the right thing,but my sinful nature wants me to do the opposite.When these situations do happen when they do,I can always rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through any temptations when they happen.It is great that I don't have to go it alone or rely more on my own strength to get through any of these things.I have God and Jesus Christ leading the way and all I need to do is tell God about the temptations when they happen as I throw the temptations on him and he gets me through the temptations and I feel better when I do.I just have to keep on doing that and have the take the lead and lead me out of the ugliness of those temptations.Thanks again to God and his son Jesus Christ for all of their help and for being there for me.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to forward,but I have been feeling burned out as of late.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had some stuff planned and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to my spirituality group and that group was wonderful.We talked of many things and after it was over,I left and I headed over to a local kitchen for something to eat.After lunch,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money.After the withdrawl,I stopped at a nearby video store to look around.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finished my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day despite the burnout that I have been feeling.
My road to recovery continues,but it hasn't been very pleasant as of late.I have been feeling burned out lately.It has been a lot of overwhelming things like my mother not feeling well,the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with having BPD and schizophrenic tendencies alongside that and last but not least,the sinful nature that I have that practically every other human being has.Of course,we humans have different or at times the same struggles,but at times,the sinful nature that we all have always wants each and every one of us,including myself,to do what is wrong in the eyes of God when we,including me,wants to do the right thing,To top it off,my mother not feeling up to snuff and also,my dealings and struggles with BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.I am still going to attend my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.But I am hoping that I can feel better than I have been lately.I really hate the burned out feeling as I am just trying to live rightly to the best of my ability,but my sinful nature wants and tempts me to do the opposite.I am desperately asking for prayers from each and every one of you who have been watching and following this blog of mine because I am in real desperate need of prayer and I also desperately need strength to get through this difficult period that I am going through.Thanks to all of you for prayers offered.
Regarding my SSA struggles,they are adding and contributing to the burn out that I have been experiencing.In the past two weeks,I fell twice by masturbation.I fell last week and I also fell this week.I really felt terrible as these failings that I have been going through have been really a crushing weight on me as I want to do the right thing,but I gave into my sinful nature and the temptations that go with that nature.I was also again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours this morning when an erection woke me out of a deep sleep.As soon as I started to get up,the erection died down and after about a couple of minutes,I went back to sleep.This week,though it isn't over yet,has been really and very stressful.I had blood work done on Tuesday and that really took most of the morning from me as I was going without food and coffee for much of that morning.I was at edge for much of Tuesday and was still a little at edge on Wednesday as well from all of that.Today,I have just been feeling burned out and tired of this sinful nature of mine and the temptations that go with it.People keep telling me not to beat myself up so much when I fail,but I can't help feeling sorrow,regret and deep shame for failing.I want to feel better,but don't know how I can go about doing that when I am feeling burned out.Again,please say repeated prayers for me as I really need them and I also need the support,advice and/or guidance at this time.Again,Thanks in advance for everything as need and they are all appreciated.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment to get my oil changed in my engine and I also have a meeting with the pastor of the church as we are continuing our one on one study time together.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
Today,I had only a couple of things planned.I first went to the bank to withdraw some money and after that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward.But I am still having difficulties dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it is never easy.I have to put up with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and that ride is usually not a very nice ride at all.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the symptoms of BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I still attend my therapy sessions.I still take my medication as directed.Though it is difficult,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength that I need to deal with these things.It doesn't make it easier,but it does give me the assurance that they are there and they will help me once I ask for them to take the lead.Again,it doesn't make it easier,but it makes it more manageable.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated.It was both an emotional fall as well as lusting after other men and their bodies without clothes on type of fall.It really made me feel terrible and though I asked God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ,I still felt guilty about it for a long time that day.I also know what led up to that fall.I was still feeling stressed out by the day.Earlier in the day,I had to go to the local hospital for much ordered blood work and the time was very stressful.I was going without food as I had to fast for 12 hours and also,I did without my usual morning cups of coffee to get it done as I was also waiting for the whole thing to be done.It was stressful waiting and also,having to go the hospital basement to get x-rays done also added to that stress as I was waiting for over twenty minutes to get that done.For much of the day,I was really at edge and I really couldn't talk to nobody.It all lead up to my fall last last night and also,though I believed I was forgiven for the fall,I still felt guilty by it all and I am just hoping that the next several days will be better.I also was again tempted to masturbate again when I was awakened by another erection in the wee early morning hours.I did fight to resist this and I won,but it could have led to another fall.Though it didn't,I still could have given into that temptation,but I didn't.I also regret that yesterday,I should have relied on God and his son Jesus Christ,but I didn't and I am sorry for that.I have to keep on remembering to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more when these temptations happen and I will be okay.I also ask that anyone out there who reads and follows my blog regularly to please say a prayer or two for me.I would really appreciate that.Thanks so much.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and I am also hoping to have lunch at local kitchen afterwards.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good and stressful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I headed over to the local hospital.I had to have blood work done and an x-ray on my lower right hip region.It took most of the rest of the morning to get everything done.But after it was all done,I headed over to a local McDonalds for a couple of sandwiches.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.I had to wait a half an hour before I could bathe as a result of food in my system.After I was done with the PC work,which I did within the half an hour,I bathed to clean myself up and after my bath,I had a bowl of cold cereal and the usual 2 cups of coffee.After that was done,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and stressful day.
My road to recovery continues onward,but it isn't an easy one at that.I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle is never an easy one.I am usually on an up and down roller coaster ride and that really makes it tough.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.I will still attend my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.I will also continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ when the going and the struggle seems way too difficult to endure.It doesn't make it easier,but it makes it endurable.With God,all things are possible.I am just glad that I can rely on them when the going seems to feel impossible to bear.But again,with God,everything is possible.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was again awakened by yet another erection.The urge to masturbate was really overwhelming.I had to really get up and do something to get the erection to die down.I went to the bathroom and after I was finished,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected and the temptation to do that can be very overwhelming.As stated,when tempted,I can simply throw them on God and his son Jesus Christ and they will get me through the temptation.After telling them about the temptation,I can move on with the rest of the day and I feel better about it.Thanks to God and Jesus Christ for being there when they are needed.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and I bathed quickly.After my quick bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed quickly to hurry over to my improving self esteem group.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local pizzeria for two slices of pizza as a quick lunch.After that,I headed straight home.
When IO got home,I finished my personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and watched a DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,but it is still a difficult road ahead.I am still having to deal with and struggle with BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that it has.It is never easy and it does happen day to day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which make the struggle even more difficult.But I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through and it does ease the struggle a little.It is still difficult,but with God and Jesus Christ taking over,it isn't as difficult as going it alone without them.I just keep relying on them and it is okay.The more that I rely on them,the better that I feel.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection out of a deep sleep.I had to really fight this overwhelming urge as I was still tired and sleepy.I simply started to get up and as I was doing so,the erection started to soften and when I got up to go to the bathroom,the erection was dead and I simply went back to sleep afterwards.But later on,I started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation,but stopped myself and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that.I need to learn to not touch myself inappropriately for lustful and sexual purposes as that can lead to sinful activity such as masturbation or to start seeking out other men for the purpose of indulging in sexual activity with them.Though I escaped those episodes,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful whenever the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,and work to fight and resist it.The more that I resist,the more stronger the urge comes the next time around.That sort of temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Again,I simply rely on God and Jesus Christ when that happens and after that,it has faded and it is long forgotten.I just have to keep on doing that and I will feel better in the long run.The struggle with SSA is never and easy one,but with God and Christ taking over,I can overcome anything as the Holy Bible says in it's own way "With God,all things are possible."Thanks God and Jesus Christ for everything.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I immediately got dressed up in a suit and I headed over to church for the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the study class and worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with the people,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local gas station to get some gas.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and I did my personal PC work.I wanted to get home as it was a really hot,hazy and humid day.After my personal PC work was done,I relaxed and I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it while relaxing.I also watched another one.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.For me,going to church always makes the day eventful.
My recovery continues to go forward.Still,I have to continue putting up with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle gets even more difficult day after day.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride that can go from bad to worse.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.But as I said before and I will say again,I have God to look after me and I simply throw these things on him in the name of his son Jesus Christ and when I do,I feel better.I still take my medication and I still attend my therapy sessions.But I also have to rely on God and Jesus Christ to get me through the roller coaster rides and also,when the schizophrenic tendencies at times seem to be too much to be bearable and to handle.I feel better and it does ease it a little bit.It is still difficult,but God and his son Jesus Christ make it a tad easier.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.It was really yet another overwhelming urge and I really had to use my strength to fight this temptation.I simply got up and walked until the erection softened.I simply went back to sleep when it did.But later on,during the Holy Bible study class at church,images of naked men and immoral sexual images began to cloud up my mind.When I could,I immediately went into the restroom and quietly prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and simply put the temptation in his hands and asked him to help clear my mind of anything immoral and sexually impure regarding men and after the prayer was over,I felt much better and I immediately joined everyone in the chapel for the worship service.Though I escaped these episodes,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to keep relying on God through his son Jesus Christ to get me through all the temptations that come to take over me constantly.I just throw it on God and ask in his son Jesus Christ's name to take it away and after the prayer is over,I feel better and it is now history.I feel better now that I can rely more on God whenever these temptations come around and afterwards,I can forget about them.If it happens again after the first one,I just pray again and it is all over.Thanks to God and Jesus Christ for being there and getting me through these difficult spells.Without them,I would be lost and would be committing sinful acts knowing the truth.Thanks again God and Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow,I have my usual improving self esteem group.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery marches on.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I had a quick lunch.After lunch,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had only a couple of things to do.
I first went to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple packs of toilet tissue and after paying for those,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few more things there.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I popped a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery marches on,but the road is still not an easy one.I still have to struggle with the symptoms of BPD and that is never an easy one.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride and that is what makes it difficult.I am in therapy and I do take medication as directed,which I will both continue to do,but the struggle to try and keep my moods on an even scale are never easy.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD.While the struggle with a double whammy like I have is never an easy one,I still rely on God to get me through any of the difficulties.I just turn to God whenever the struggle seems unbearable.He and his son Jesus Christ really do help when asked.I feel better whenever I throw this on them and they get me out.It does make me feel relieved and I am turning to them whenever I do need to talk to them when this struggle seems unbearable.If I don't, I won't know whether I am coming or going.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections at a few separate intervals in the morning.This real whammy was really overwhelming me as it felt like the desire to masturbate an erection away was starting to overtake me.As the wee early morning hours were moving forward,I started to pray to God to give me strength to fight and resist this temptation to masturbate.I was still sleepy and as a result,my speech wasn't really straightforward as a result of the drowsiness and tiredness,but I managed to get some words out before falling back asleep while talking to God.I did escape this episode thanks to God,but the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.At times,the temptation to act out can be very overwhelming and also,unbearable.But again,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through any temptation.After that,the temptation simply fades into non-existence.I feel better and I can carry on without thinking about the temptations.I even try reading the recommended Holy Bible readings in the daily devotions that I receive in my e-mail.I have to continually rely on God and Christ more than on my own strength as that is the only way that I will get anywhere in these struggles.I also ask that those reading these posts also pray for me as well.I would appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,it is church as usual in the morning.Regarding the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues marching forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my bath,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first had to go to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and after that,I headed over to the post office to mail out an important letter.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up one more thing.After paying for that item,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and relaxed for a short time.
I also had one more thing on my agenda.I had an appointment for my one on one study class with the pastor over at the church.When the time came for that,I headed over to the church to meet with him and study the material that he assigned me to read every week.
The meeting was wonderful.After the meeting was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while and I also watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to march forward and it is still a very rocky road at that.I have to continually put up with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle with that is never easy.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.But again,I am simply relying on God more than on my own strength and power.Since doing that,I am having a much better time working on managing this stuff.It doesn't make it easier,but it does make it only a tad bearable.It is tough going through what I have to go through,but with God and his son Jesus Christ taking over,I have nothing to worry about.I simply throw it on God and for his help in the name of his son Jesus Christ.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.The temptation to masturbate it away was very overwhelming.I had to really fight to resist this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one.I simply got up to use the bathroom and after I was finished,the erection died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,the temptation to act out,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Day after day,I get the temptation to act out on thee unnatural desires that I have and I am always in the fight to do what is right.Still,all I do is that I throw it all on God and ask him to keep me strong.I simply do that and after talking with him about it,I feel much better.All it takes is approaching him in the name of his son Jesus Christ and when I put it in their hands,it is like that a big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.I feel better and I can go on with the rest of the day.Now,I simply rely on God and he gets me through the temptation with the power of his son Jesus Christ working alongside him.Thanks go to God and his son Jesus Christ.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first attended my usual Thursday morning spirituality group.I am always looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there looking forward to the discussions.
The group meeting went well.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after lunch was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up some things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD and the symptoms of it.It is never an easy thing to deal with.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I have to not only put up with the emotional roller coaster ride,but also with hearing things that other people don't/can't hear.But since I have been relying on God more than my own strength,it's only makes it a tad easier.It is still a struggle,but when God is in control,I have really nothing to fear or worry about.It shows that I am not alone in my suffering.God and his son Jesus Christ get me through the toughest things and that is better than nothing.I mean,I still struggle,but with God and Christ Jesus leading the way,the struggle isn't as unbearable as it is when they are not relied upon and that is wonderful.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into the temptation to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated an erection away.After the episode was all over,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for falling.Though I believed that I was forgiven,I still felt miserable for a while and though I did sleep well until the alarm went off,I got up still feeling miserable and guilty, although I believed that I was forgiven.As the day went on,I started to feel better and the guilt and shame of giving into this temptation started to wear down.This time,the fall was more emotional than sexual,although there was a little bit of fantasy involved,but not to the extreme,as it was more emotional as a result of me having an erection.I gave into this episode,but I now have to try and concentrate on things that are holy rather than things that are immoral,explicit,erotic and simply inappropriate as masturbation is also tied to lusting after other humans be they male or female.I have to really work on turning to God in prayer more when these temptations come.I can't do it alone.God and his son Jesus Christ are the only ones that can give me the strength to fight and resist the temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and the temptations can be very overwhelming and strong at times.Again,I have to start praying whenever the temptation to masturbate comes around and to ask for strength and power to fight and resist.I also ask that my fellow followers of my blog please say a prayer or two for me so I can also stay strong enough to fight and resist any temptations.Thanks in advance for doing so.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting with the pastor of the church in the late afternoon.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had only a few things planned for today.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things that my mom needed.After that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the post office to mail out a letter.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I realized that I had an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor and I got ready to go to that.I headed over to her office.
The session with her went great and after it was over,I stopped in on a friend to see how he was doing.After a visit with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few more things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply went back out again to pick up something to eat.After paying for that,I headed straight home to eat.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.In between all of that,I managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
My road to recovery continues onward and while it does,I still have to struggle with the symptoms of BPD.It is never easy to deal with these symptoms and the struggle is always difficult.The emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD usually makes it difficult.Aside from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that makes it even more difficult.But as I said before and I will say it again,all I need to do is to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ for strength rather than rely on my own strength.While the struggle with any mental illness is never easy,one can put up with it all and reap benefits when God and his son Jesus Christ are relied on more than relying on one's own means.God,through prayer continuously,and his son Jesus Christ are there to help anyone who asks for help in their names.I am not saying that it makes the struggle easy,but it does make anyone feel more at ease.It is a matter of throwing the burden on God and have him help you in his son Jesus Christ's name.Again,it doesn't make it easier,but anyone who asks for their help will make themselves feel more at ease.I will just have to rely more on God in the near future in order for me to continue feeling pretty good.I am also hoping that those who read my posts will be motivated to give this a try if they are feeling overwhelmed by their mental illnesses and the issues alongside them.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection out of a deep sleep.It was also another throbbing one at that.I had to really fight this as I really wanted to touch myself and masturbate the erection away as that was my old way of coping with this problem.I simply got up to go to the bathroom and while walking there,the erection started to soften and after using the bathroom,I simply went back to sleep as my genitals were now back to their flaccid state.Though I did escape this episode,I have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It is never easy trying to fight and resist any temptation.But with God's help,it isn't as overwhelming as it used to be.Whenever I get tempted,all I need to do is to tell God about it and simply put it in his hands.I do this in his son Jesus Christ's name and after that,the temptation simply fades in memory and when I do give into the temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ's name to forgive me for that and after that,I also feel better.It is wonderful that I don't have to "tough it out" when it comes to relying on God and his son Jesus Christ to help get me through any sort of temptation.I am also glad that God is so loving and understanding that he does forgive and he does accept all of us regardless of out faults and character defects.Thanks be to God and his son Jesus Christ for being there when needed.Without them,I would be on the road to nowhere.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the mid morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work quickly and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I first had to go to the local hospital to see the nurse practitioner to get my prescription and also,to talk with her about what has been going on with me in my life.
The session went great.After getting my prescription,I headed out to finish the day.
I had to go to a friend of my mom's to pick up something that she wanted me to pick up.After doing that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to drop off my latest prescription.After doing that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward.I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD and putting up with the ups and downs of the constant emotional roller coaster ride that I am usually on.Aside from that,I have schizophrenic tendencies that I also struggle with and that makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.But I am still praying to God in Heaven and asking him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to get me through the difficulties of both these evils.It has been pretty good and when I throw it all on God,as Psalm 55:22 says to do so,I feel better and I can move on with the rest of the day.I simply throw it on God and ask for help in his son Jesus Christ's name and after that,it isn't as burdensome as it was before asking them.I am just going to simply continue to rely on God through his son Jesus Christ to get me through.I will still continue to attend my therapy sessions.I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that I will continue to feel good in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate when I was awakened out of a deep sleep by yet another erection.This was also another throbbing one as well.I had to really fight and resist this temptation.I simply got up to use the bathroom as the erection softened as I was walking there and after I was finished,I simply went back to sleep.Later on,I was actually manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for masturbatory purposes,but managed to stop myself and God through his son Jesus Christ to forgive me.Though I escaped these two episodes,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I will just have to keep relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more in order to remain strong and ask for their help in the resistance to acting out on these unnatural desires that I have.Without God and without his son Jesus Christ,I am relying on my own strength and I will constantly fail.I will just have to keep relying on God and Jesus Christ more for strength to resist the temptation to act out.I keep thanking them for everything and that is wonderful.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had only a few things on my agenda.
I first stopped at the drug store to pick up a prescription.After that was done,I headed over to the local hospital to attend a mandatory group meeting in order for me to get my prescription when I have to see the nurse practitioner a few weeks later.
The group meeting was great.After it was over,I headed over to a nearby McDonalds for a quick lunch.After that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I popped a DVD in the DVD player and I relaxed.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward and it still isn't an easy road to be on.Then again,it is never easy when somebody,like myself,struggles with BPD and the ups and downs that many who struggle with BPD have.It is always difficult and also,when somebody,like myself,has schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD.Still,though the struggle is never easy,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through.If the struggle ever gets to feel unbearable,I simply lean on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through the struggle.It is still never easy,but relying on God through Jesus Christ more makes it only a tad easier.I feel good knowing that God is there to listen and he uses the power of his son Jesus Christ to aid in his own power to help make a person feel more at ease.Yes,I am glad that I now rely more on God through his son Jesus Christ to help me in my struggles with this double whammy of mental illnesses that I have.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened out of a deep sleep by an erection.This also was yet another throbbing erection as well.I had to really fight this temptation as the temptation to masturbate is strongest whenever I get an erection.I simply got up and walked to the bathroom and as I walked there,the erection started to soften and when I was finished in the bathroom,I went right back to sleep as my genitals were now soft.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.But as I said above,I continue to rely on God through his son Jesus Christ and when I talk about the temptations to God,it seems that the temptation starts to fade when I talk about them.After finishing talking with God in the name of son Jesus Christ,I feel better and I simply continue on with the day.I feel better knowing that I can rely more on God through his son Jesus Christ rather than rely on my own strength to get through this.It makes me stronger asking God rather than relying on my own way.Thanks God and Jesus Christ for that.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up and I headed for church this morning.As usual,I look forward to church every Sunday morning since I returned last year in September.
Both the Holy Bible study class and the service afterwards were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with the people and a few snacks that the people were handing out,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to get all of my dirty clothes together to take them to the laundromat to get them washed and cleaned.It was quite a lot and after I got everything together,I headed over to the laundromat to get them done.
ON the way there,I made a few stops.I picked up a few pizza slices for lunch and stopped at a small convenience store for a small bottle of milk.After paying for those,I headed to the laundromat.
When I got there,I found an available machine and started doing my laundry in a snap.It took about and hour and a half to do.After it was all clean,I put all of my laundry in two separate dryers and eagerly awaited them to get dry.After that was done,I folded everything and I put it in the bag and after that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply unloaded all of my laundry and put it away.I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward.It isn't easy dealing with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.It is always a struggle to try and stay emotionally balanced.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that also makes the BPD struggle even more difficult.But now,though it is a struggle,I am now relying on God through his son Jesus Christ to get me through the struggle.It is still difficult,but it is only a tad easier with them taking the wheel and guiding me.God and his son Jesus Christ are always working to get me through the rough and rocky road of having BPD and also,having schizophrenic tendencies that makes the struggle more difficult.But I am hanging in there and trying to stay focused.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that these good feelings last for quite a while for me.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when another throbbing erection awakened me out of a deep sleep.This was a really hard erection and also,another throbbing one.I had to really use all of my strength to resist this temptation.I simply got up and used the bathroom and after I was finished,my erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Whenever that temptation occurs,I have to use all the strength that I have to fight and resist.I also have God and his son Jesus Christ helping me out in this area.I know that whenever I get the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,I can count on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through the temptation and carry me out of it by simply putting in in their hands.After that,I don't feel it anymore and I can move on from there.It is wonderful that I can rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to give me strength to resist any temptation and with their help,anything is possible.Thanks again to God and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow,I have a group at the local hospital that I must attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I didn't have too much to do today.I first went to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something my mom needed.After paying for that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put everything that I bought away and I popped a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward and though it isn't as rocky as it was before,I still have to endure and put up with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle with that is never an easy one.Though I am not on the emotional roller coaster as much as I was before,I still have to put up with the up and down emotions that I endure on a daily basis.It is never an easy thing to struggle or deal with.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.But I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through this difficulty and to help me through it all.As stated,the struggle with BPD and having schizophrenic tendencies alongside that is never easy,but with God and his son Jesus Christ helping me through it,it does make it a little easier.I am now more confident that with their help,I can get through anything.As the Holy Bible states "With God,all things are possible".
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.I had to really fight this temptation as it was an overwhelming one.I got through it without falling and simply got up to use the bathroom as I had to use it.After finishing in the bathroom,I went back to sleep.I also almost gave into temptation by attempting to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting erect or near erect while bathing for the purpose of masturbation,but managed to stop myself before going any further.Though I escaped these two episodes,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to sin can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Each and every time that I resist any temptation,the temptation comes back stronger than before and can really be overwhelming.But as I said above,I simply continue to rely on God through his son Jesus Christ to get me through by going to them in prayer and putting everything in their hands.After that,I feel better as if a big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.I now have nothing to worry about or fear as God and his son Jesus Christ are in control and having to rely on them rather than my own strength gives me a wonderful feeling that can't be matched by anything sinful,such as indulging in sexual activity with another man.It is terrific that when you put everything in the hands of God and his son Jesus Christ,the feeling is always wonderful and everything is alright.Thanks go to God and Jesus Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,I will be attending church as usual,including the Holy Bible study class before the worship service.I am also hoping to get around to doing my laundry as well as it is piling up.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.I had only a few things planned and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to pay my car insurance and after that was paid,I headed over to the post office to purchase a money order and sent it out to a place that was awaiting a payment on merchandise that they are holding for me.After that was done,I had a small lunch and after eating that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player and watched it while relaxing.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues onward and I am feeling pretty good.I am still leaning on God and his son Jesus Christ to help get me through the stress and helping me to handle the symptoms of BPD.It isn't easy dealing and struggling with the symptoms of this,but with God and Jesus Christ,it is only a little easier,but still difficult.I am simply not feeling the ups and downs of this as much as I used to feel.I am also still putting up and struggling with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have as well and though it does make the BPD struggle more difficult,I simply continue leaning on God through his son Jesus Christ and it makes the recovery process only a fraction easier than without them.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also still continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that this process will stay the way that it has been for quite a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection.I had to really fight this overwhelming temptation.I simply started to sit up and when I did,the erection softened and I had to use the bathroom anyway.After finishing in the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I do have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I simply have to keep relying on God through Jesus Christ to get me through any temptations that may occur.I have to keep reminding myself that with their help,I no longer have anything to worry about as they will both strengthen me and get me through the temptation as I throw everything on God and ask in his son Christ Jesus' name to give me the strength and to get me through all sorts of temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I know that whenever I resist the temptation to sin,the temptation will get stronger and even when that happens,it does my heart good knowing that God is there and he,with his son Jesus Christ in tow,will always get me through any temptation or any urge to sin.Thanks God and Jesus.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I chose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to my usual spirituality group and as usual,I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch and after I finished lunch,I headed for the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and myself.After that was done,I dropped the money off at home and headed back out to get my hair cut.
The hair cut place wasn't very busy today,so I got in rather quickly.After my hair was cut,I paid it and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a DVD that I popped in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues and I am feeling much better than I have been.I still struggle with the symptoms of BPD and though it isn't an easy struggle,I am managing pretty well.I also still struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have,but again,I am managing pretty well.Since I started to turn to God and his son Jesus Christ more,I am feeling better and I can simply share with them how I am feeling and what to do to solve any problems that I may have.Despite the good feelings from repeated prayers,I still attend my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I hope that these good feelings continue for a long time to come.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another morning erection.I simply started to get up and when I did,the erection died down.When it did,I simply went back to sleep.Though I did escape this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.But now,I simply rely on God through Jesus Christ whenever temptation does indeed come around.I just turn to them in prayer and I feel much better as the temptation is relieved by a conversation with my creator in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I don't feel much of any sort of temptation to act out by seeking out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them or to watch porn.It is a wonderful feeling.I now rely on God through his son Jesus Christ now instead of my own strength and if I do fall,I simply ask to be forgiven and the slate is wiped clean.Thanks God and Christ Jesus.
As for tomorrow,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Happy 4th of July to all my fellow Americans out there.
Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I did have a couple of things planned.
I first went to the drug store to pick up a couple of prescription refills that I had made over the phone.I wanted to make sure that these were in the house first before I set out to do the next thing on my agenda.
After dropping of the prescriptions,I headed over to someone's house in the area to attend a 4th of July feast there.I was invited to this a month ahead of time and I headed over there to join in on the festivities there.I headed over there and relaxed when I arrived there.
The feast was a wonderful one at that.I had a really good time.After it was over,I headed straight as I didn't want to leave the party the minute that my medication was going to kick in as I didn't want to risk getting pulled over by the local police.
When I got home,I simply got ready to go to bed.Before going to sleep,I simply popped in a DVD to watch until I got really sleepy.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues unabated and so far,the road hasn't been as rocky as it was before.Ever since I started prayers to God through his son Jesus Christ,my recovery hasn't been as difficult as it was before.I am not saying that dealing with BPD is no longer a struggle,but God has made it at least a little bit more bearable.It is still difficult,but with God and his help,all things a little bit easier.I still also struggle with schizophrenic tendencies alongside the symptoms of BPD,but again,the struggle isn't as difficult with God and his Jesus Christ leading the way and making me feel a little stronger by relying on them rather than on my own strength.I am not feeling the up and down roller coaster ride that I was on prior to starting the prayers all over again.It is wonderful to now rely on God and Jesus Christ more than going it alone and relying on my own strength.It is wonderful and I will be relying on God through his son Jesus Christ more to have this positive experience continue.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to indulge in masturbation twice when I was awakened by erections in the wee early morning hours.The urge to masturbate,with me,is always the strongest whenever I have an erection.Both of these temptations were really overwhelming and I really felt the urge to give into the temptations.But instead,I chose to fight them.With the first occurrence,I simply got up and went to the bathroom as I had to use it.After finishing in the bathroom,I simply went back to sleep.Regarding the second occurrence,I had a headache and I went to the medicine cupboard to take something for the headache.As I walked there,the erection softened and after finishing taking the medication for my headache,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptations to act out can rear their ugly heads when least expected.Yes,I still get tempted,but I no longer have to tough it out all by myself.With God through Jesus Christ handling the situation,I no longer feel that I always have to go it alone.If I do get tempted to act out in any way,shape or form throughout the day,I simply turn to God in prayer in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me and everything is okay after the prayer.I simply throw everything on him and he helps me by getting me through the temptation and also,he helps me to keep my head clean of anything immoral that would trigger the temptation to act out.It is wonderful that I can now rely on God and not on myself only as relying on my own strength will only lead me to further failings and falls,but God in Heaven through his son Jesus Christ will get me through anything when I turn to them and ask for strength.It is wonderful that I am not alone as they are at the wheel now.Thanks God and Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and I will also have lunch at a local kitchen afterwards.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only a few things on my agenda.I first went to the bank to withdraw some money for myself and for my mom.After that was done,I headed for home to register all the money that I had before leaving the house again to do some much needed business that I had to tend to.I first headed over to the post office to mail out an important thing that needed to be mailed.After that was done,I headed over to the local Sears to pay on a bill that had to be paid.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player and watched it while relaxing.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues onward and though it isn't an easy road that I am on,I am still hanging in there and remaining hopeful.I do struggle with BPD and it's symptoms and though it isn't easy to deal with this type of thing,I know that I can always lean on God whenever the struggle seems to be unbearable.Since starting again to rely on God more,I haven't really felt the ups and downs typical of somebody who struggles with BPD.I simply turn to him in prayer whenever it seems unbearable.I also have to struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that does make the BPD struggle more difficult,but again,whenever it seems that it may go beyond control,I simply turn to God and put it in his hands.I ask for God to intervene in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I feel much better.Yes,I do.In the meantime,I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that I will continue feeling better by simply relying on God through Jesus Christ for strength,guidance and also,a way out whenever it seems to be unbearable.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I got yet another double whammy when I was awakened at two separate intervals in the wee early morning by erections.I was tempted to engage in masturbation as a result of these erections.I had to really fight these urges and they were really overwhelming urges as well.Fortunately,on both occasions,I had to use the bathroom and the erections both died down while on the way there.I simply went back to sleep afterwards,but after the second occurrence,I had a really terrible headache and I took something to get rid of it before going back to sleep.Though I did escape these two episodes,I have to still keep in mind that the temptation to act out,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.This time,as I stated above,I now rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever I am faced with the urge to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I simply throw it all on God and ask him in Jesus Christ's name to get me through the temptation and to strengthen me to fight and resist the temptation.It isn't easy struggling with SSA,but I now have two allies in Heaven and they are God and his son Jesus Christ.With them for allies,I can now fight all urges and be strengthened when they come.The struggle doesn't seem as unbearable anymore once I have them to rely on whenever any sort of temptations come.
Tomorrow,since it is the 4th of July,I will be hanging out with a few friends at one of my friends houses and I am hoping that it will go great.I will call to check up on my mom from time to time during the day to see how she is.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to a self esteem group and I was looking forward to that with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there after finishing with getting dressed.
The meeting went well.After the meeting,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I headed back out again to do a little bit of shopping.My mom wanted me to pick up a few things at a local supermarket.I left and went there and managed to find what I was looking for.After paying for the items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.In between,I managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
My recovery continues onward,but now,I am no longer feeling the ups and downs of BPD,at least,for now.I have been continually leaning on God more and casting the temptations onto him in the name of his son Jesus Christ.So far,I have felt much better and I no longer feel the urge to give into temptation.Still,I know that it will happen every once in a while and I know that I have to stay on guard and be watchful because temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am still enduring and putting up with the symptoms of BPD and also,I am still putting up with and enduring the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.I will just have to take them one day at a time.I am going to continue with my therapy sessions and I am going to continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that I will feel good for a long time to come as long as I keep relying on God through Jesus Christ more rather than on my own strength.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again was tempted to masturbate twice at two separate intervals of the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections during those intervals.These temptations were really overwhelming and I really had to fight them.Fortunately,I got through them.The first time,I simply got up and went to the bathroom as I had to go and use it.After finishing in the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Regarding the second time,I simply started to get up and attempted to walk a little,but the erection died down after I got up.I again went back to sleep.Though I did escape these episodes and I didn't give in,I still have to keep in mind,as I stated above,that the temptations to act out,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to continue to keep in mind that God is there to help and all I need to do is ask him for it constantly.I have been doing that and so far,things have been pretty good.I have to also keep in mind that I own my sexuality and not have my sexuality own me.Masturbation is simply a practice where a person's sexuality owns them and they are enslaved by their own sexuality instead of them owning their own sexuality.I have to keep on leaning on God through his son Jesus Christ for some self control.I just have to keep it up and I know that I will be strong.Thanks God and Jesus Christ.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed over to the church for the morning's worship service and the Holy Bible study class before the service.I am always looking forward to church every Sunday since I started going back in September of last year.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful as always.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas and after paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.I had a quick lunch and after eating that,I did my personal PC work and despite a minor difficulty with the Yahoo service,I managed to get it all done.After that was done,I got dressed in casual clothes because I had to do some shopping for myself.I headed over to the local K-Mart to do that.After that was done,I headed back home.
When I got home,I put everything away and relaxed.I also watched a DVD that I put into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.I also managed to do some recommended Holy Bible reading as well.Overall,a very good and eventful day.For me,going to church always makes the day eventful.
My recovery continues unabated and since I started to really communicate with God,I have been feeling better.I haven't really been on any continuous emotional roller coaster rides as of late.Still,I do have to put up and struggle with BPD no matter what as that could change any day or any minute.I also still have schizophrenic tendencies and that is probably why I have had those repeated impure thoughts and/or temptations happening constantly.Again,I have been leaning more on God now and it has been improving little by little.I realized the hard way that I was relying more on my own strength and less or nil on God and that is why I kept failing.Now,with me relying on God more,I have been feeling pretty good and still hanging in there.I still get tempted,but it doesn't overwhelm me like it has in the past several months.I have now learned that those who rely on God through his son Jesus Christ more will get results and will feel stronger than those who rely on their own strength.I am glad that I had that talk with the Christian counselor as that was not only a much needed wake up call,but also a much needed slap in the face.Thanks to God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I did get yet another wee early morning hour erection and yes,it did wake me out of a deep sleep.Yes,I was also tempted to masturbate that erection away,but I stayed strong and fought to resist that temptation.I simply got up to use the bathroom and while walking there,the erection died down and after using the bathroom,I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I know that temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It always seems to come back stronger each and every time that it hits.The more resistance,the more stronger the temptation will be.Still,all I also need to do is to simply rely on God and his his son Jesus Christ for strength.I will feel much stronger the more that I rely on them.I will never rely strictly on my own strength as those who do will always fail and fall.Those who rely on God and his son Jesus Christ will not only feel stronger, but will gain more strength each and every time that any temptations or burdens are upon anyone.Again,I am making it my resolution to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ for strength and will continue to throw my burdens and/or temptations on him and let God handle them through his son Jesus Christ.Again,I will always be grateful to that Christian counselor for pointing out to me that only God can make anyone stronger and not anyone themselves personally.Again,Thank God through his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow,I have an improving self esteem group that I must attend.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something else that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues marching forward and that is good.I have been feeling a little bit better as a result of having that conversation with the Christian counselor on Monday night.I have been really talking to God through his son Jesus Christ and everything has been pretty much okay.I have been feeling better and I am hoping that these good feelings last a while longer.I guess that I have just have to keep leaning on God through his son Jesus Christ a lot more and the good feelings will continue.But still,I will continue my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.As stated,I am hoping that these good feelings last a long time and I will try to stay in contact with God through his son Jesus Christ.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was again awakened by an erection that was also another throbbing one at that.This was a very overwhelming urge and I always get the urge to masturbate whenever I get an erection as that is when the urge is strongest.I simply got up and walked to the bathroom as I had to use it anyway and on the way there,the erection softened and after I used the bathroom,I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to stay on guard and be watchful as the urge to masturbate can come in any way,shape or form.Escaping like this is easy,but throughout the day,the urge can creep up on me and then,I am faced with the dilemma of either giving into the temptation or asking God through his son Jesus Christ to help strengthen me and get me through the temptation.I see that no mere human being can tough it out like they try to do as I have learned the hard way that toughing it out relying on my own strength never really works at all.I will simply have to stay in touch with God and his son Jesus Christ whenever I have the urges.I now realize that they are the only ones that can help get me through any difficult trials with temptation.I may also have to talk with the Christian counselor again whenever possible.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual,including the Holy Bible study class that is held before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to the local Sears store to pick up some new underwear and after paying for those,I dropped the underwear at home and I relaxed for a while and got ready with my meeting with the pastor in the late afternoon.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to move forward and for the last few days,I have been feeling better than ever.I am not feeling so down nor am I having any sort of anxiety.I have been doing quite a bit of praying and quite a bit of leaning on my creator and his son Jesus Christ for the last few days and the feelings have been wonderful.It is great to finally throw everything on God and let him control everything.I haven't had no temptations to act out by either watching porn nor to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful and unnatural sexual activity with them.It has been great and believe me,I now know what to do when it seems pretty unbearable for me to continue that I can always throw everything on God and let him control everything.I have learned that if you to rely more on your own than God,you will come into difficulty and you will be frustrated when you fail or fall.Again,good feeling.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when another erection awakened me out of a deep sleep.It was also another throbbing erection as well.I really had to fight to resist this overwhelming urge to masturbate.I simply got up and went to use the bathroom and that is when the erection died down.I also realized that I forgot to plug my cell phone in to get recharged and I did that before going back to sleep.I did escape this episode and I am glad.I always get the overwhelming urge to masturbate whenever an erection occurs in the wee early morning hours.I am now in the process of learning to not let my sexuality own me.I am learning to tell my sexuality that I own it and not the other way around.I know that it is never easy to fight the urge and resist any temptation,but I would rather fight and resist than give into any temptation as anything having to do with sexual activity will never give me the fulfillment that I so desperately need.I am really in desperate need to relate,identify and connect with my fellow man in a healthy and authentic way.I am looking to have close relationships with my fellow men and just be one of the guys as I am a guy myself.I already know that sexual activity will only leave me empty and wanting more sex and that is not what I want.Again,it isn't easy fighting any urges,but fighting and resisting with God as an aid,it does make me feel good that I do have somebody helping me out and that I am not alone.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery moves forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I first had a spirituality group that I needed to attend.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there hoping to get a lot out of the group.
The group meeting was wonderful as I did get a lot out of it.After the meeting was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch and after eating,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something for dinner.After paying for it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward and since I started praying a little each day,I am feeling better.The talk that I had with the Christian counselor really did some good.I even prayed yesterday when I was feeling temptation trying to get the better of me and I felt better after that.I just relaxed after that and I took it easy and watched something that I popped in the DVD player.Despite these good things,I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that these good feelings last quite a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another morning erection and it was another throbbing one.I had to really fight this overwhelming temptation as it was really strong.I simply got up to go to the bathroom and the erection softened.After using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.I did get a semi-erection later on when it was almost daylight,but that soon died after I got up to sit up for a bit and went back to sleep afterwards.I must say that temptation can try to get the better of anyone whenever it hits.Though I felt the overwhelming desire to masturbate the erection away,I felt pretty good that I didn't give into the temptation.I am hoping that I can still get this strength and use it to the best of my ability in the near and distant future.Also,for the first time in quite a while,I didn't have the temptation to watch porn nor the temptation to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.This has been giving me a pretty good feeling and I am hoping that these good feelings continue for a long time.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting with the pastor of the church.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned,but whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

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Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better after I had a talk with a counselor last night.I had a very good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I had a meeting with someone from the church in the early afternoon and I rushed to get ready for it.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there when the time came to go there.
The meeting was wonderful.After the meeting was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few more things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.In between all of that,I managed to withdraw some money for my mom from the bank.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good day.
My recovery continues and today,for the first time in quite a while,I was feeling a little bit better.After having a talk with a Christian counselor over the phone last night and I discussed with her about what I was going through.We talked for a while and we prayed together and after it was over,I felt better.I slept pretty good during the night and I didn't have any sexual images of men cloud my mind.I slept wonderfully and I got up in the mid morning feeling like a 1,000,000 ton weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.Last night's talk with her made me realize that I need to rely on God more than my own personal strength.I am weak,but God can make me strong with his power.I guess that throwing everything of yours on the Lord really makes a difference.I am not feeling sad nor anything negative.It was great and I am looking forward to talking with her again in the near future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when an erection awakened me.I simply got up to use the bathroom as I had to use it.After using it,I simply went back to sleep and slept well until I did get up.For the first time in a long time,I had no temptation to act out in any way,shape of form.I also didn't have any cravings for anything sexual with other men nor to watch any porn.It was great.I went through the day without any anxieties nor any fears or temptations.I am just hoping that I can get through the near and distant future without having any of these temptations.I know that I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as those temptations can rear their ugly heads when least expected.I now know that I can pray and give these things to God through Jesus Christ now.I feel relieved and wonderful.Thank God and his son Jesus Christ for that.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though it is still rough and rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only one thing on my agenda today.I had a group to go to today.The group was an improving self esteem group and I had to attend today.I headed over to the group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm because this is an area where I really need to improve.
The group was wonderful.I got quite a lot out of it.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues,it is still a rough and rocky one at that.I suffer and struggle with BPD and it is always a difficult struggle to deal with.I have to put up with the constant emotional roller coaster ride that I am usually on.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good one day or if I will be down and feeling not so good the next.It also happens within the same day sometimes.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will start feeling good for a long time rather than this constant emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections at two separate intervals in the wee early morning hours.Both of these erections were really stiff and throbbing ones at that.With the first erection,I tried to toss and turn,but it only got stiffer.I had to get up and when I started to get up,the erection softened and after being up for a few minutes,I went back to sleep.Regarding the second erection,I had to get up and use the bathroom and as I walked there,the erection softened and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped these two double whammy's,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It can come in any form,such as the temptation to masturbate,which is one of my problem areas,and the temptation to watch porn,which is another one of my problem areas.I have to learn to really stay strong and fight and resist these temptations when they occur.I also still get tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that temptation happens,I simply and willfully choose to stay home when that particular temptation occurs.I am still in desperate need for advice and/or suggestions on how I can stay strong to continue to fight and resist the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form.If any one of you out there who regularly checks out this blog of mine have anything that you think could benefit me,then please share and please don't be shy.I am open to anything that could work for me.Please share.I would really appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment to meet with somebody with the church and I am hoping that the meeting will go well.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in just a dress shirt,tie and dress pants to head over to the church as they were having an outdoor service as they usually do during the Summer months on the last Sunday of each month during the Summer season.
The service was wonderful and we had some fellowship with each other in the fellowship hall and also had some refreshments alongside some wonderful conversation.After I had eaten some stuff and some great talks,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I immediately got out of my dress clothes and into a pair of sweatpants.I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD in to watch while doing so.I had really nothing else to do for the afternoon except look in on my mom who though feeling much better than before,is still feeling a little under the weather.I kept my eye on her as I feel it is my duty to do that.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.For me,going to church and having some wonderful fellowship afterwards always makes the day eventful.
My road to recovery continues to soldier onward,but I must admit that the road is still a rough and rocky one at that.I struggle with BPD and it's symptoms and the struggle is always a difficult one.I am always on an emotional roller coaster ride that never seems to let up.On some days,I can be up and feeling good,while on other days,down and feeling not so good.It also happens within the same day at times.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that makes the BPD struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I am still continuing my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one day,my recovery will improve and I will be feeling good for a long time rather than this constant emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when an erection awakened me from a deep sleep.It was also another throbbing erection at that.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I tried to toss and turn,but that only made my genitals harder.I then decided to get up and go to the bathroom since I had to use it anyway.My erection softened while on the way there and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this torturous episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always staying on guard and being watchful when this happens.Aside from the temptation to masturbate erections away,I also get tempted to watch porn,which is another one of my main problem areas.I,on a daily basis,also get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but as I have said before and I will say it again,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than give into that particular temptation.But the areas of masturbation and porn are my main problem areas as I get tempted to masturbate whenever an erection occurs or to watch porn and also masturbate while watching porn.I really need some advice and/or suggestions to help me out here.I need to keep fighting to resist the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and I am still open to any ideas on How I can continue to do that.Again,if anyone out there has anything that they feel that I could use or even need,please share and I will try to use it to the best of my ability.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,I have a group that I need to attend.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ