Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up early when the phone rang.It was my mom calling from the hospital and after talking with her for a few minutes,I went back to sleep for another hour.After that,I got up and I bathed.After my bath,I had breakfast,a couple cups of coffee and after that was done,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to pop a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.
After lunch,I headed over to the hospital to pay my mom a little visit.After spending some time talking with her,I headed out for home,but first went for a drive to find a certain location where a special outdoor worship service is going to be held this coming Sunday and that will include a picnic lunch.After finding where the location was,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched another DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is a very difficult struggle indeed,but I still continue to hang in there and keep living and going on with life.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to feel too unbearable to handle.I simply turn to them in prayer and they help keep me sustained and help me to deal with this struggle one day at a time.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.When this happened,I simply turned to God in prayer to help get me through this temptation as it was a very overwhelming urge to give in.I simply kept talking to God until the erection softened and I went back to sleep thanking him.Later on,I had to stop myself from manipulating my genitals to get them erect for the purpose of masturbation and yes,sexual images of men were again clouding my mind.I stopped myself and I asked God to forgive me for that and after that,I felt netter.I guess that the next time that this particular urge comes,I have to turn to God and his son Jesus Christ for the purpose of being strengthened to resist that unclean practice of touching myself inappropriately and asking God to help me resist that urge.This type of urge gets really overwhelming.I have a difficult time trying to resist this type of urge.I am going to have to continue praying to God whenever this urge comes around.I don't want to have a share in any immoral sexual activity,including the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.I am asking for some prayers by those who continually follow my blog.Please pray for me and also,pray for my mom who is in the hospital recuperating.Please offer prayers as I would really appreciate that.Thanks in advance for doing so.Thanks also to God and Christ for all of their help.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Monday afternoon group for building and improving self esteem.I was looking forward to this as I usually do every week.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group went great and after the group was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the hospital to see how my mom was doing and after several minutes,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,it is still a rough and rocky road at best.Then again,it goes with the territory of having BPD.My mood changes by the day and at times,it changes within the same day.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am on and at times,it can feel like it will become unbearable.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.Aside from that,I am also going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when it seems that it is really getting too unbearable to handle.I simply talk to both God and Christ and they help sustain me.It is wonderful to rely on the one responsible for me being here and the son that he sent for us to break us free from the bondage of sin.Thanks again to both God and Christ for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.Like the previous two occurrences,this didn't last very long.I simply started to get up and the erection started to die down.I sat up for about a few minutes and when the erection fully softened,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Later on while bathing,my mind started to wander and degrading sexual images of men started to cloud my mind and I had to stop myself as I was also attempting to get erect by manipulating my genitals to attain erection and then proceed to masturbation.I simply asked God to forgive me for that and after that,I felt better.Though I escaped those episodes,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to use all my strength and know how to fight and resist these urges.It can get really difficult as the urge to act out can be really strong and overwhelming.While that can be,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle and/or endure.I simply throw it on God in the name of son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.I have to continue praying and relying on God and Christ more.Without them,it is impossible to endure and fight.Thanks to both God and Christ for that.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though it has been rocky the past couple of days,including today.I had a pretty good and eventful day today.
Today,I was initially awakened out of a deep sleep by my mom.She tried,on her own,but was failing,to get up to use the bathroom.I had to get up and turn on a light so we could see where we were going as I led her there.After she used it,I led her back to her room so she could get back in bed.I went back to sleep and I got up a little over an hour and a half later.
When I did get up,I bathed quickly and after I was finished,I had to put off breakfast because I had to lead my mom to the bathroom again.After she was finished,I led her back to her bedroom again and I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and called my niece to come over to watch over my mom while I was in church.After hanging up the phone,I headed over to the church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.After some great fellowship,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something for my mom and a few things for myself.After paying for the items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I made a phone call to my niece to check up on my mom and she told me that she was just out of a cat scan and she would let me know if she learns anything.I hung up and heated up a can of soup for my lunch.After lunch,I did my personal PC work and after that,I did the dishes to keep myself busy as I awaited that phone call from my niece.
As I awaited that call,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I relaxed while watching it.
Regarding my mom,there was nothing broken,but they are keeping her overnight for observation.I don't know when she will be coming home.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.For me,going to church each Sunday makes the day eventful.
While my recovery continues onward,the road is still rocky as it has been the last couple of days,including today.With my mom falling yesterday,feeling pain and not able to walk on her own,I had a lot of stress going on and that made the recovery very difficult.As I have said in previous blog entries,I suffer and struggle with BPD and that is a very difficult thing to struggle with.With the current things happening right now,I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride.One minute I am up while the next minute,I am down.I don't how my mood will be from one minute to the next.Plus,having schizophrenic tendencies also makes it even more difficult.I have to put up with hearing things or sounds that nobody else hears.This really makes the struggle more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.When that happens,I simply turn to God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through the difficulties.It is never easy struggling with any form of mental illness,but with the help of God and Christ,I can get through anything.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection awoke me up out of a deep sleep.This one,though as throbbing as it did,didn't last very long.I simply sat up and the erection started to soften and I sat up for a while until the erection had softened all the way.I went back to sleep after that,but was awakened later on when I heard my mom yelling in pain as she unsuccessfully tried to get up to use the bathroom and I had to help her to the bathroom and back to her room again.Though I did escape that,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always having to stay on guard and be watchful whenever that temptation strikes.I always have to use all the strength that I can muster up to fight and resist these temptations.But again,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever it seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.Whenever temptation seems to be trying to get the better of me,I simply turn to both God and Christ to help me get through this temptation as I thrown it on them and after doing that,I start to feel better.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle as they,God and Christ,are there to help get me through any difficulties and get me out unscathed.In the event that I do give into the temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me and after that,the slate is wiped clean.Once again,I thank God and Christ for being there and getting me through all sorts of temptations.
Tomorrow,I do have my usual building and improving self esteem group,but I am not sure if I will go to it as a result of what happened to my mom yesterday.I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
That was my day today and my hopes and possible plans for the day ahead.FJ

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Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my bath,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.I had only a couple of things planned.
I first went to the post office to mail out a couple of things that had to be mailed.After completing this task,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed until it was time for me to go to my appointment with the pastor of the church for my weekly study lesson with him.
The session went great and after it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I took it easy.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more than anything.When the struggle seems too unbearable,I turn to God and ask in his son Jesus Christ's name to help me get through the strain and help to sustain me through it all.It is never easy suffering from a mental illness,but with the divine intervention of both God and Christ,it is wonderful that I am not alone and that they are there to help when asked to help.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.This time,the temptation didn't last too long as when I started to get up,the erection started to soften and after about a minute or two,I simply laid back down and went back to sleep.Later on,I had to stop myself as I was bathing,I started manipulating my genitals while sexual images of men started to cloud my mind.I stopped myself and after my bath,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that as it was wrong for me to do.I have figured out the root cause of this,though.In the past,I used to watch a lot of Homosexual sex themed porn and as a result of that,the sexual images of men from those porn videos cloud my mind up.Not only that,while watching the porn,I at times used to fantasize that I was in the video myself performing the sexual act on the other man.I haven't watched any porn in a long time,but the images still continue to cloud my mind when I least expect them to and that leads me to almost giving into or giving into the temptation to act out by masturbating to these images.Since I have been in the process of healing and that I now know the truth about Homosexuality/SSA and that acting out is a choice as well as living the life of a sexually active Homosexual person is also a choice,I feel that Satan and his minions are trying to lure me back into that sinful sexual lifestyle.They are trying to get me to having sex with other men by simply making my mind rehash all those impure and unclean erotic images of other men having sex with each other and also,bringing up images of men in the nude alongside that.I really want to clear my mind permanently of these disgusting,impure,unclean,immoral and degrading images of this sort of thing.I will keep praying and to and relying on God and Jesus Christ to help me clear my mind of these degrading images and help me to think pure and clean thoughts of my fellow men and to look at them as brothers in a spiritual sense and that the only real manly love that any man can give to other men is brotherly love and there is no substitute for that type of love as it is non-sexual,unselfish and best of all,can make any man feel like a man.I have to continually keep in mind that I am a male and that is the only identity that I am.I refuse to accept no other identity other than the identity of me being a human being and a male.Again,I willfully refuse to accept no other identity.I am a male.I am a human being and those are the only titles that I accept.I am going to continue praying to and relying on both God and Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to get too overwhelming and/or unbearable to go through.I am also asking for prayers by those who continue to follow my blog regularly.Please pray for me that I can get my mind cleared of all these disgusting and degrading sexual images of men.Thanks in advance for all the prayers and for all of your support through this difficult time.It is very much appreciated.
As for the weekend,I have no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning Spirituality group.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group meeting went well.After it was over,I had lunch at a local kitchen and after I was finished,I mailed out a few important letters for my mom.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few more things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery still continues,though not much has improved.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster that goes with it.It is a very difficult road to be on and aside from BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.But again,as I said before,I am still relying on God and Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.I simply turn to them and after talking with them,I feel better.It seems that they are there to listen whenever the world around me won't listen.It is wonderful that I can talk about these things with God and his son Jesus Christ being there to listen.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to really use all of my strength to resist this temptation as it was yet another overwhelming one.I took it to God in prayer and as I was praying and asking God to strengthen me to resist this temptation to masturbate,the erection softened and after that,as usual,I went to use the bathroom as I had to use it.After that was done,I went back to sleep.Later on,while bathing,I stopped myself later on when I was manipulating my genitals while sexual images of men were clouding my mind.I stopped myself and after I was finished bathing,I prayed to ask God to forgive me for that and after that,I also felt better.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It can be very overwhelming at times and it very difficult to resist.But again,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever these come around and after throwing the temptation to act out on them,I feel better as if a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.I am learning on a daily basis that the struggle to do the right thing is never an easy one.It is easier to give into temptation and sin than it is to fight and resist the temptation.I will have to continue asking God for strength to help me continue to fight and resist any temptation that comes around.Without them,I would never have that strength.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,I have my usual one on one study meeting with the pastor.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had a few things planned.
After having lunch,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed.After paying for those items,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I forgot to pick up yesterday.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away in their proper places and I relaxed for a while.I also watched a DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.At times,it happens all on the same day.It is a very difficult thing to deal with and everything.Also,aside from the symptoms of BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.But still,no matter how difficult it might be,I am still continuing to rely on God more to help get me through all of this.With the help of God and his son Jesus Christ,I am not alone in my mental illness struggles and that is wonderful.I also appreciate the assistance that they provide and that is great.The process of having BPD,with schizophrenic tendencies on the side,is never an easy thing to deal with or even struggle with.But with the help and direction of both God and Christ,it makes it only a tad easier,but still difficult.Thanks to both God and Christ for being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened out of a deep sleep by yet another throbbing erection.The urge to masturbate this away was very overwhelming.I had to use all of the strength that I had to resist this overwhelming urge.I did turn to God in prayer for strength to assist me in fighting and resisting this urge and as I talked about it,the erection started to soften and since I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,I simply got up and went to the bathroom and after using it,I simply went back to sleep.I wasn't out of it yet as later on,I was sitting in a chair and I started to manipulate my genitals while sexual images of men clouded my mind.I did stop myself from this when I realized what was happening and immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that unclean and impure things.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of it can be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in the fight for my life against these evil,unnatural and impure sexual desires that I have,which I refuse to let dictate to me how and who I am as a person.While I may have SSA and I do struggle with these unnatural desires that I have that are relative to the condition,I simply refuse to let these unnatural desires that I have decide for me who I will be or what I will be.I am a male and that is all that I am.The body that I have is meant to be compatible with that of a female's body.I also have to keep in mind that God did not nor did he ever intend for sexuality to be used the way that the world outside the church is using it for.Though those so called "Gay" activists keep saying for many men to simply accept their sexual identity,which is counterfeit in and of itself,they will be okay and in the long run,they'll feel good about themselves.But that is not true at all.When I was active in that sinful sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle,I was miserable.I felt used and unwanted.Instead of getting love and acceptance,I was only asked to relieve other guys when they wanted relief.I indulged in a lot of the activity that it offered to please those other guys and while it did make me feel good for a while,the good feelings soon ended and I was back to where I was before I did the sexual act on them.I have found out on my own that true and real male love is extremely rare in that sinful sexual lifestyle as the only main emphasis is sex,sex and more sex.I am glad that I am out of that lifestyle and I never want to go back,though Satan and his minions want me to simply surrender to the unnatural desires that I have and simply indulge in all the sinful sexual pleasures that the so called "Gay" lifestyle offers,and that is my choice and decision.I am not going to let these unnatural desires that I have tell me how I should live my life.I am going to continue and have to rely on God and Jesus Christ more when these temptations try to get the worst of me and want me to sin against God.I have to continue doing that whenever that happens and I know that in the long run,I will feel better.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there and leading the way.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and after that,lunch at a local kitchen.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some more money for my mom.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to check out if they had any wall phones for sale and how much they were.After doing that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at my insurance agent's office to pay my car insurance.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to move forward,but I am still walking a very rough road at that.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is a very difficult thing to go through and it is never a pretty thing at all.I never know how my mood will be day after day.I can be up and feeling good one day,but the next day,down and not so good.Sometimes,it happens all on the same day.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am also still going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever this struggle seems to be going to the point of feeling unbearable.I simply talk to them in prayer about this and after that,I feel better.I simply turn to them and they help me in ways that nobody on Earth can.It is wonderful that I can rely on them for help and to be sustained through them in my mental health struggles.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection awakened me out of a deep sleep.I had to really fight this overwhelming temptation as it was keeping me from sleeping and only strengthened my urge to grab my genitals and masturbate them.I simply turned to God in prayer to help strengthen me to fight and resist this overwhelming temptation to masturbate and I kept talking until the urge and the erection were both dead.After that,I simply went to use the bathroom and after using it,I went back to sleep.Later on,as I was bathing,I started to manipulate my genitals while sexual images of men started to cloud my mind,but I stopped myself and after I was finished bathing,I simply asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning and afterwards,I felt better.Though I escaped these episodes,I am still keeping myself on guard and being watchful as these temptations to act out can rear their ugly heads when least expected.These temptations can be anything from masturbation when I get an erection in the wee early morning hours,to watch porn and at times,to masturbate while watching porn,to being tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them or to manipulate my genitals for the purposes of getting them erect or near erect for the purposes of masturbation to sexual images of men and so forth.Regarding that temptation of going out to seek other men,I simply ignore that temptation by staying home and not feeding nor satisfying that particular temptation.The rest of those are a really big problem for me.As I stated before and I will state it again,I simply continue relying on God more to strengthen me when these temptations seem to feel too unbearable.I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help keep me strong when these urges come and after throwing them on God and his son Jesus Christ,I simply feel better and I can move on after that.If I do fall by giving into any temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me for the fall and after that,I can move on from there after being forgiven for the falling.The struggle with SSA is never an easy one,but with God's help through the help of his son Jesus Christ,I can accomplish anything and stay strong with them leading the way and sustaining me.Thanks again to both God and is son Jesus Christ for that.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to my building and improving self esteem group as I usually look forward to this each and every week.I headed over there with a lot of enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After the meeting,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things and after that,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money and after that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the money at the Where's George site and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.I still have my ups and downs and I try to deal with this on a one day at a time basis and all,but it is usually a very difficult thing to deal with.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more to handle this.When the struggle seems a little too unbearable to manage,I simply ask God and his son Jesus Christ to help me through the daily struggle and I do feel a little bit better.The struggle with BPD and schizophrenic tendencies is never an easy struggle,but with the help of God and Christ,it is only a tad easier.Thanks to both God and Christ for helping me and being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened out of a deep sleep by yet another erection.This was yet another overwhelming urge and I really had to use everything that I had to fight and resist this temptation.I did turn to God and asked him for strength to resist this temptation and as I prayed,the erection softened and after that,as usual,I had to get up and use the bathroom as the erection died down as I was heading there.When I was finished,I simply went back to sleep.Though I did escape this episode,the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Like early this morning,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through any temptation.I simply take it to them in prayer and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil after I put it in their hands.I feel better and I can move along with the rest of the day and if it happens again before the day is through,I simply turn to both God and Christ again and I feel batter after doing so.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there and that I don't have to struggle alone as they are there to help me whenever I ask for it.Thanks again to both God and Christ.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for the morning worship service and the Holy Bible study class before it.I was looking forward to both of these with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed over to another store to pick up something that I forgotten over at the supermarket.After paying for that,I headed straight home as it was about to start storming any minute and I wanted to be home before the storm would hit.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work.After that,I had a light lunch and I popped a DVD in the DVD player while relaxing and taking it easy.Since we were in for a terrible rain storm,I stayed home for the rest of the day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading during the day.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.For me,going to church each and every Sunday always makes the day eventful.
My recovery continues to move forward,but I am still encountering some really rough terrain as I try to get through the day.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride and I don't what my mood will be as I go through the days each week.It is a really rough road and not a very easy road to be on.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle starts to seem too unbearable for me to handle.It doesn't make it easier,but I do feel more at ease when I do talk to them about it.It also shows me that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes me feel a little bit better.Thanks to both God and Christ for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This urge was a lot more overwhelming than previous urges.I talked to God and told him about the temptation and asked him for strength to fight and resist this temptation.As I prayed,the erection started to soften and I started to get up and use the bathroom and after I was done,I went back to sleep.Thanks to both God and Christ for helping me in escaping this episode as it does indeed work to pray hard when it comes.This also shows me that the next time that this temptation comes around,I can simply turn to them and throw it all on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.It made me feel good that I was stronger thanks to both God and Christ.But I must say that I still get tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and the temptation is never an easy thing to fight and resist.The temptation can take many forms,such as to look at porn,to masturbate to sexual images of men or to do that while watching the porn.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.That latter one is simply one that I choose not to do by simply staying home and not feeding nor satisfying that temptation.But the other temptations are my most difficult areas.Still,I continue to rely on God and Christ more whenever these temptations come and after I throw them on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ,the temptation is reduced to nil and I am okay.If it happens again before the day is through,I take it to God in the name of Christ again.It is wonderful that I can rely on God and Christ more when I am being tempted and it makes me feel better knowing that they are there and are helping me by leading me away from temptations and sustaining me.If I do ever give into the temptations,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I feel better as I am forgiven and I can go on with the rest of the day.Thanks again to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being there and leading me away from the evil unnatural desires of that sinful practice of sexual activity between two members of the same gender.
Tomorrow,I have an improving and building self esteem group that I must attend.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had some important stuff planned.
The main thing on my agenda was getting my laundry done.I was originally planning to do it tomorrow,but with the high possibility of a terrible rain storm coming,I decided to do my laundry today.I got all of my clothes ready to do it and after putting my laundry bags in the car,I headed over there.
On the way there,I had to make a few stops.I first stopped at a local closeout bargain outlet store to see if they had some laundry detergent.After buying a bottle,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed over to the local Sears to pay my monthly credit card bill.After that was paid,I headed for the laundromat to get my laundry done.
When I arrived at the laundromat,I immediately found a washer to use and started my laundry that minute.After it was done in the washer,I dried all of it and folded everything and bagged it all.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery moves forward,I am still battling the symptoms of BPD on a daily basis and that is a very difficult thing to struggle with.I am still having to contend with the emotional roller coaster rode that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or if I will be feeling down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems way too difficult to handle.I will simply turn to them and after that,it is in their hands and everything is good.I will have to remember to continue doing that more whenever it seems that I am at the end of my road.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.This was a really overwhelming urge that I was going through and I was really fighting to resist this urge.After failing late Thursday night,I wanted to try and stay strong for this one.I simply went to God and told him about the urge and as I was talking to God,the erection started to soften and I simply got up to use the bathroom.After finishing in there,I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually be on my guard and also,to continue to ask God and his son Jesus Christ for strength to resist the urges.I now know that the more that I rely on God and Christ,the more that I can escape any temptation.I simply turn to them,talk about the temptation to them and after that,it is gone and in their hands.I will keep relying on God and Christ more as I will never be able to fight and resist these urges on my own without them.Thanks again to both God and Christ for that.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual.For the rest of the day,since there is high possibility of a terrible rain storm,I am just going to stay home and take it easy and possibly watch a movie that I will pop in the DVD player.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few small things to do today.I first went to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and myself and after that,I went to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the money that I had withdrawn and after that was done,I headed back out again to go to the post office to mail out a couple of important things.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still continuing my daily battle against the symptoms of BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have.The battle gets even more difficult each and every day.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and also,hearing sounds and things that nobody else hears.It is a very difficult struggle and at times,it does feel unbearable.I am still continuing my therapy sessions and I am still continuing to take my medication as directed.But I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more to get me through all of this.The recovery from any sort of mental illness is a difficult one,but with God and Christ leading the way,it does make it more manageable.Whenever this struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle,I simply turn to both God and Christ and they simply help me to feel better.Thanks to both of them for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated.I have fallen after a few weeks of not doing that and simply fighting the urge,but this time,the urge got to me and I gave in.I have had so much on my plate as of late with my mom not feeling good and also,everything else that has been consuming my life lately,with much of it being personal.At times,sexual images of men cloud up my mind and that also makes me fail at times.After the fall,I felt miserable and also,unworthy.I took a few deep breaths after the fall and before I went to sleep,I asked God to forgive me for my fall in the name of son Jesus Christ as it was a sin that I committed by falling and giving into that terrible unclean and unsanitary habit known as masturbation.I even ask myself at times if there is something that I am doing wrong as to why I am failing.Though I have been forgiven for this fall and I am moving on,I have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as these temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It is never an easy thing to fight and resist,as I have learned again last night,but the temptations will keep coming back.I know that I should have relied on God and Christ to strengthen me when the temptation came around,but I wound up giving in and I accept full and total responsibility for that fall.From now on in,I will simply turn to God and Christ in prayer whenever these overwhelming urges are starting to really overtake me.I will have to ask God for strength to resist as I really don't want to act out in any way,shape or form anymore.I am still open to anything that has worked for anyone out there who has had the same problem.I am also asking for prayers by those who read my blog regularly so I can keep going.Thanks in advance for anything offered.Again,the next time temptation starts to really try and overtake me,I will have to turn to God and Christ for strength to help me fight and resist any temptations when they come around.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to my spirituality group and it was very enlightening.I got a lot out of this and after it was over,I headed over to a community kitchen for some lunch and after eating,I visited with a friend for a while to see how he was doing.After a few minutes with him,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to move forward,but the road can be rocky at times.On a daily basis,I am dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle can be a really difficult one.At times,I am on an emotional roller coaster ride and that really makes it tough.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.While the recovery process can be difficult,I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the process seems to be going out of control.I simply talk to them about it all and after that,I feel better.If it happens again,I talk to them about it again.It doesn't make it any easier,but I feel more at ease when I do that.It is simply telling both God and Christ how I am feeling at that present moment and after that,I feel as if a giant weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.Thanks to both God and Christ for being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This was yet another overwhelming urge.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.When I started to get up,the erection started to soften and as I sat up for a while,the erection had died and I simply went back to sleep.Later on,I was again tempted when I started to grab my genitals to manipulate them to get erect or near erect,but I stopped myself when I was nearing orgasm.It is just that I have psychological erectile dysfunction where I get erections in the wee early morning hours and I don't get them throughout the day as a result of the rigorous religious teaching,legalism,the sexual abuse that I endured at the hands of those who used and abused me for their own pleasure and by constantly being at war between Heterosexual and Homosexual impulses.It is just a terrible thing to go through with the SSA that I struggle with being the worst of it.I did pray to God through his son Jesus Christ to ask for forgiveness and after that,I felt better.Though I did escape these episodes,I am still in a continuous battle with the temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and sometimes,the battle gets even more difficult by the day.I am always tempted to act out in many ways,but it is very difficult to resist those temptations and at times,it can feel pretty unbearable.But again,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more when I am tempted rather than rely on my own strength.If I rely more on my own,I will get nowhere and I will be giving into temptations each and every time.I rely on God and Christ and they help sustain me.I fell better and when I do throw the temptation on God and ask God to help me get through the temptations in the name of Jesus Christ,I feel better after praying.It is wonderful to see that I am not alone in my fight and that makes me feel,as stated,wonderful.Thanks again to both God and Christ.
As for tomorrow,since I won't be meeting with the pastor this week,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
Today,I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I first went to the drug store to pick up my mom's prescription.After paying for that,I dropped it off at home and decided to get ready for my late afternoon appointment with the doctor to see what the verdict was regarding the blood work that was done a few weeks ago.
The results were very favorable as they said that everything was okay.After that visit with the doctor,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues,I am still having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it is never an easy one.I still have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.Sometimes,I wish that I didn't have too be on this emotional roller coaster ride nor even struggle with BPD.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the recovery even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.While struggling with mental illness is difficult,I still rely on God whenever the struggle seems unbearable and seems impossible to handle.With God's help and his son Jesus Christ helping along,I have nothing to worry about nor fear.I simply talk to them whenever the struggle might be getting worse and after that,I feel better.With them,everything is possible and though it doesn't make it easier,it makes it more manageable.The more I rely on God and Christ,the better that I feel.Thanks again to both God and Christ.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.It was yet another overwhelming urge at that.I simply got up and when I did,the erection softened and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Later on,I also started to manipulate my genitals while sexual images of men clouded out my mind,but I stopped myself before it went too far.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it can be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually stay on guard and be watchful.I did ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for what I did later on and I felt better.I also still have to remember to rely on God and Christ more whenever these temptations seem overwhelming and almost out of control.Whenever temptation comes throughout the day,I simply throw it on God and Christ and talk about it and after that,I feel better.With God and Christ,all things are possible.I simply have to keep relying on them and everything will go well.Thanks again to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.After that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though a little rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I simply went out to the public library to print an article that I wanted to read during my spare time and after that,I visited a friend to see how they were doing and after a few minutes with them.I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues,it was a rocky road today.My struggle with BPD wasn't the way it could have gone.I was feeling up and good for a while,but later,I was feeling down and not so good.I am hanging in there and staying with the flow of things.I am still also putting up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and though it does contribute to the difficulty of putting up with the symptoms of BPD,I try not to make it worse by simply trying to stay occupied and busy.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am also continuing taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God whenever the struggle seems to get too unbearable.I ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I have nothing to worry about as they sustain me whenever I talk about this with them.I do feel better and when I finish talking with them,it is more manageable and I feel more at ease.I am going to continue relying on God and Christ more often because if I don't,I am lost as I can't function without them.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.This was yet another overwhelming urge and I really had to use everything that I had to fight and resist this.I simply got up and when I did,the erection softened and when I did die down,I went back to sleep.But I wasn't out of the woods yet as I was tempted twice more and I had to stop myself when that happened.I twice gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals twice during the morning for the purpose of getting them hard or near hard for the purpose of masturbation and also,sexual images of men were clouding my mind at the same time.I had to stop myself on both of these accounts and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for doing both of those unclean and impure things that I did.Though I did escape these episodes and believe that I am forgiven,I am still dealing with the temptations to act out in many different ways without doing the ultimate of seeking out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.I don't want to do that as that will never give me the fulfillment that I truly and desperately need,which is the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also need to be around my fellow men a lot more and establish close friendships with them that can lead to bonding and healthy and authentic connecting with them,which is the best way to help me feel like a man and feel the way that a man is supposed to feel.I will keep relying on God and Christ more when I get tempted in the near future and I want to have my mind be totally free of lustful and sexual thoughts of men and keep a pure and clean mind.I want to think of pure,wholesome and clean thoughts about my fellow men and view them the way that a man is supposed to view them,which is as brothers in a spiritual sense as all of men are brothers to each other.I keep asking God and Christ to continue leading the way for me and to help get me out of situations that can lead to any traps along the way.Thanks again to God and Christ.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment to meet with my general doctor about the results of my recent blood work.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I had to go to an improving and building self esteem group that I usually attend every Monday.I went there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move forward,it is still a very difficult road that I am on as a result of me struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.It is never an easy thing for me to deal with and at times,it seems to get worse instead of better.Aside from BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am still also going to continue to rely on God more than anything.When I do rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more,it only makes it a tad easier,but it is still difficult.Whenever the struggle seems unbearable,I simply throw it all on God more and rely on him and his son Jesus Christ and they help sustain me.It isn't easy struggling with mental illness,but relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more makes it more manageable and also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes me feel good.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours twice when I was awakened by erections out of a deep sleep at two separate intervals.I really had to fight both of these temptations as they were both really overwhelming and also,they were also throbbing erections at the same time.I had to really get up and walk until the erections died down at those separate intervals.I simply went back to sleep on both of these occasions.Though I escaped this double whammy,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it may be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to always stay on guard and be watchful as I never know when those nasty temptations will emerge.It is never an easy thing to resist,but I have to try and stay strong as it is sinful to act out on these unnatural desires as God never intended sexuality to be like that.Still,I am relying on God more when this struggle also seems to be unbearable.When I rely on God and his son Jesus Christ,it makes me feel better because as with my mental illness struggles,I know that I am not alone with them leading the way and guiding me.Whenever temptation comes around,I simply take it to God and his son Jesus Christ by talking about it and after that,the temptation is only a memory and forgotten.Thanks again to both God and his son Jesus Christ for all that they provide.Without them,I wouldn't be where I am at today.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I do.I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up and headed for the church for the morning worship service,which was held outdoors today.
The service was terrific.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my dress clothes and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.For me,going to church each and every Sunday always makes the day eventful.
While my recovery continues to move forward,I am still having to daily deal and struggle with BPD and the symptoms that go with it,including the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which makes the struggle even more difficult.At times,it may seem to feel unbearable.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am also going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggles may seem unbearable.It doesn't make the struggle easier,but it does lighten the load a little.It isn't easy struggling with any mental illness,but with God and Christ's help and them leading the way,I have really nothing to worry about and I simply turn to them in prayer whenever it does seem to be out of control as God and Christ makes me feel more at ease.It is great that I don't have to struggle alone or fear anything negative.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when another throbbing erection woke me up out of deep sleep.This was a really very overwhelming urge and it felt almost impossible to resist as it was the strongest temptation to masturbate that I had in a long time.But again,I simply started to get up and when I did,the erection started to soften and I simply got up to walk around and the erection was soon dead and I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what type it can be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I only refer to them as "these unnatural desires that I have" because my desires don't define me as a man,a male nor as a human being.I am a member of the male sex and my body is biologically hard wired to be compatible with that of a female's body.God never intended for men to have unnatural sexual activity with other men as God made man and also made woman.It isn't the way that God intended sexuality to be.Whenever the temptations seem too impossible to resist,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more because without them,the healing process is incomplete and impossible.With God and his son Jesus Christ alongside him,all things are possible.Anyone,such as myself,can heal from unwanted sexual desires associated with Homosexuality if they really want to heal as it is possible for anyone,male or female,to not only heal,but to also change from Homosexual to Heterosexual or to simply become the man or the woman that God intended them to be and wants them to be.It is a difficult struggle,but it can be accomplished.I know that I will always be in the healing process and I know that I do have the choice whether to act out or not,but I am assured that God and Jesus Christ are there to guide me along and to help me heal and also,to strengthen me,when I ask to be strengthened,in my resistance to temptation.Thanks again to both God and Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,I have an improving and building self esteem group that I need to attend.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to the local K-Mart to pick up something that I really needed.After paying for those items,I headed over to the drug store to pick up my prescription for my medication that I take nightly.After paying the co-pay on that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put everything away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery moves forward,I am still,on a day to day basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle is never an easy one.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride and that ride can always be a constant stress for me.The struggle is even more difficult with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and I wish that I didn't have them at all.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.While the struggle with BPD and schizophrenic tendencies is never an easy one,I am still relying on God more than myself.Whenever the struggle with BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have gets seemingly unbearable,I simply talk to God and his son Jesus Christ about it and I feel much better.It also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that really reassures me that I never have to suffer alone.It isn't easy coping with mental illness,but God and Christ both make it bearable and when it seems to be going worse,I simply throw it on them and I feel better.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.This urge was a really overwhelming one indeed and I really had to use all the strength that I had to fight and resist this temptation.I started to get up and when I sat up,the erection started to soften and when I got up to walk,the erection fully softened and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always having to stay on guard and be watchful,as I never know when those temptations will come around.Still,while the fight to resist the unnatural desires associated with Homosexuality/SSA is never an easy one,but relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more eases the struggle a little.Whenever the temptation seems to be too overwhelming for me,I simply throw it on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ by talking about the temptation and I feel better after doing so.Likewise with my mental illness struggles,I simply rely on God and Christ more than my own strength and I feel better.Once I talk about the temptation with them and really let it all out,I feel better and it isn't very overwhelming anymore as it now forgotten once God and Christ take the lead.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there in my struggles with Homosexuality/SSA.
Tomorrow morning,it is church as usual.As for the rest of the day,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
Earlier in the day,I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
I also had one other thing on my agenda.I had my usual weekly meeting with the pastor of the church.It was a continuation of our one on one weekly studies to get me back into the church.The studies are almost finished and I am looking forward to the end where I am finally a member of the church again.
The meeting was wonderful as I got a lot out of that.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local store to pick up something for myself.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is usually a very difficult thing to deal with and at times,I wish that I didn't have to.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.I sometimes don't know whether I am coming or going.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.While the recovery process is never an easy one,I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more when it seems to get unbearable.I simply talk to them about what I am going through and after that,I feel better.It doesn't make it easier,but relying on God and Jesus Christ more makes it more manageable.I do feel joy that I don't have to go it alone in my struggles with mental illness and that is wonderful.Thanks to God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This was yet another overwhelming urge.I really had to use everything in my power to fight and resist this temptation.I simply started to get up and when I did,the erection started to soften.I had to use the bathroom anyway and after I was finished,I simply went back to sleep as the erection was now dead.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.The temptation to act out can be very overwhelming.While that can be,I still rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ more than on my own strength.With God and Christ leading the way and looking out for me,I have nothing to fear and when those nasty temptations come around,I simply turn them over to God and his son Jesus Christ and the temptations go away and are forgotten.If they come around again that same day,I simply take it to God and Christ again and it is history and long forgotten.The fight to resist the temptation to act out on the unnatural sexual desires connected to Homosexuality is always a difficult one,but the fight can be won when God and Christ lead the way.Thanks again to God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I first went to a mandatory spirituality group and that was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have some lunch.After lunch,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go onward,but it is still a very difficult road at that.Day after day,I am having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it is never an easy one.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride and that can be very frustrating.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I am going to continue my therapy sessions and I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I will also still continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle starts to feel too unbearable.Relying on God and Christ doesn't make the struggle easier,but it does make me feel only a tad better as it shows that I am not alone.With them,my recovery isn't possible.I will have to keep relying on God and Christ whenever the situation seems to be skyrocketing out of control.If I don't,it would be like the blind leading the blind.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.This was another overwhelming urge and I really had to use all my strength to fight and resist this current temptation.I simply got up and headed for the bathroom and after I was finished,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still get tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have when I least expect the temptation to come around.I am always in a fight to resist any of these temptations and it is always a difficult fight indeed.While it is a difficult fight,I am now relying on God and his son Jesus Christ.I have been relying on them for quite a while and while it is still difficult,it shows that I am not alone in my struggles as they are leading the way and as soon as I throw the temptation on them,I feel better and after that,it is forgotten.It is also so when I do give into temptation because I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me when that happens.I am happy that I don't have to suffer alone and with them leading the way,I have nothing to worry about as they are there helping me out.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of that.
Tomorrow,I have my appointment with the pastor of the church.As for the rest of the day,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that the benefits that it gives me are positive.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a couple of things on my agenda.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things and after that,I went over to another local store to pick up something that I needed for myself.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player,
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still in the battle for my life when it comes to handling my struggle with BPD as it is never an easy thing to struggle with.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and that is always a difficult thing to deal with.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I have to put up with hearing things and noises that nobody else hears.It is bad enough having BPD,but having schizophrenic tendencies alongside that really makes it extremely difficult.I am still going to attend my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am learning that the struggle with mental illness is never an easy one.But as stated,I am learning that relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when it may seem unbearable does help quite a bit.Whenever it seems to feel more unbearable than I can stand or take,I simply take it to God in prayer and I feel much better.I mean,therapy with another human can be helpful,but it really isn't enough.When I bring God and Christ in,it is even more helpful than what any human therapist can give.I am glad that they are there to listen and to help me when I ask for it.Without them,I would be lost and feeling discouraged.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection out of a deep sleep.It was also another throbbing erection.I had to really use all my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming urge to masturbate the erection away.I started to get up and when I did,the erection started to soften and since I had to use the bathroom,the erection softened on the way there and after I was finished,I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it may be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to keep constantly on guard and be watchful as that temptation can come when I am not aware that it is coming and when it does happen,I feel like I am stuck in the middle.Still,no matter when that happens,I simply can talk to God and his son Jesus Christ.All I do is throw the temptation on them and after that,it is gone and forgotten.If it comes back later on,I simply take it to God and his son Jesus Christ again and it is also gone and forgotten.I am now making it my resolution to always take it to God and Christ in prayer and I feel better.It is great that I am not alone in my fight and that God and Christ are there to take the lead and guide me through.Thanks again to both God and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend and also,I am planning to have lunch over at a local kitchen.Aside from those things,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that the benefits that it gives are positive.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had only a few things planned.
I had an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor later in the day and I was looking forward to this session with her.I had an assignment done and I was going to bring it with me for us to discuss.Firstly,I went to a local supermarket to get my mom something that she wanted.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put what I had to buy away in the fridge and I got ready for my appointment.
The session went well.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did a little bit more on my computer.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward,but it is still a very difficult road.Then again,it is never easy dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is never an easy thing to put up with and it gets tougher by the day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I am still in therapy and I still take my medication as directed,but it still really doesn't make it any easier.When the struggle seems to be unbearable,I rely on God and his son Jesus Christ when it seems that way.I just talk about it with God and his son Jesus Christ and they help me in my struggles.It doesn't make it easier,but it makes it more manageable and also,it isn't really as difficult if I were to go it alone.I am also glad that I really don't have to go it alone and that is good.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate three times in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened out of a deep sleep by erections at three separate intervals,with the third one being the worst.With the first two,I had to get up and use the bathroom on both of these occurrences and I simply went back to sleep as the erections died down as I was doing these things.The third one was worse than the other two as it was accompanied by sexual images of men clouding my mind, and I also started having flashbacks of my past acting outs with other men indulging in that sinful sexual activity.I really had to fight this as I almost gave into that temptation by grabbing my genitals,but managed to let go before I even started to masturbate it away.I really had to fight this terrible urge and use all the strength that I could muster to fight and resist this urge.After a few minutes,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this triple whammy,I have to constantly keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It is never easy to fight the urge to give into this temptation and it gets even more difficult each time the more that I keep fighting and resisting the temptation.It is much easier to give into the temptation and indulge in sin,than it is to fight and resist the temptation.I simply have to keep relying on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the urge seems way too strong for me to handle.I just throw it on them and they take the lead.When I do,I feel much better and it it forgotten after that and if it happens again,I simply throw it on God through his son Jesus Christ's name again and I again feel better.It is never easy to fight and resist these urges,but with God and his son Jesus Christ leading the way,it shows that I don't have to act out nor give into any temptations.I simply rely on them and it is all over and done with when I do.Thanks again to God and his son Jesus Christ for all they do/
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had an improving self esteem group that I needed to attend.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there.On the way,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money for my mom.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over and some talk with the leader,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple 1/2 gallons of orange juice.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the orange juice away and I finished my personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player to watch while relaxing.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues unabated,I am still having to deal with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is never an easy thing to struggle with and I am always in a continuous loop the loop when it comes to that.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.Though it is a difficult thing to deal with,I still have God and his son Jesus Christ to rely on whenever it seems to become unbearable.It is never easy having any mental illness,but the struggle is a little lighter when God and Christ take control.I have to keep relying on them whenever it seems to difficult to handle or when it seems to go out of control.The more I keep doing that,the much better that I feel.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened at two separate intervals in the wee early morning.These were both very overwhelming urges that I was having and I really had to fight to resist the temptation to give into both of these urges.With the first one,I simply got up and walked and as I did this,the erection softened and after I used the bathroom,which was the main reason why I got up in the first place,I simply laid back down and went back to sleep.With the second one,I simply tossed and turned hoping that it would soften as I didn't want to sin.It died down and I went back to sleep.Though I did escape these episodes,I still have to constantly keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,which can take any form,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to keep in mind that the temptation to sin can come whenever it is least expected to come.But again,when it happens,I relay on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this happens.I simply ask them to help strengthen me when it comes and I feel better.If I were to give into the urge,I simply ask God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,it is forgotten and I can move on.Thanks to God and his son Jesus Christ for taking the lead and for getting me through all of that.It is wonderful that I am not alone in my fight.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up into a suit and headed for the church for the Sunday morning worship service and the Holy Bible study class before the service.
Both the service and the class before it were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone,I headed for home.
On my way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something for lunch.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I ate my lunch and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I did the dishes and relaxed while watching a movie that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
My recovery continues unabated,but I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD.It is really hard putting up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.If that wasn't bad enough,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am still going to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more each and every day.It isn't easy putting up with what I got,but relying and trusting more on God and his son Jesus Christ makes it a little bit more bearable.I still have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory and I also still have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have,but with God and Jesus Christ taking the lead,it shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes feel reassured.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened at both intervals with erections out of a deep sleep.With the first one,I simply got up to use the bathroom and after I was finished,I went to sleep as a result of the erection dying down.With the second one,I simply attempted to get up by sitting straight and when I was about to get up to walk,the erection died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped these two episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it may be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I do get tempted to act out on a daily basis and they can take any form there is.Still,whenever that occurs,I can still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through the temptation.I simply talk about the temptation to them and after talking with them Tomorrow,I have an improving self esteem group that I must attend.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my bath,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things on my agenda.I first went to the Best Buy in the next county to pay my credit card bill.After that was done,I headed over to a nearby supermarket to pick up something that my mom wanted me to pick up.After paying for that item,I headed straight home,but stopped on the way to get some gas.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move onward,I am still having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is always a never ending struggle as I go day to day with these symptoms and the roller coaster ride that goes with them.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies that make the struggle even more difficult.Though the struggle is a difficult one,I know that I can continually rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through it all.Their help in all of this and them taking the lead eases my mind in all of this.It doesn't make it easier,but it does show me that I am not alone in my struggle as they are there to help me whenever I really need it.I still continue my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed,but I still rely on God and Christ more while following the orders of the medical people at the same time.It is just wonderful that I have God and Christ there to help me get through any struggles.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection out of a deep sleep.I had to really fight this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one.I simply got up and used the bathroom because I really needed to use it and as I was doing that,the erection died down and I simply went back to sleep after I was finished.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It can take any form,such as fantasies,the temptation to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them or it could be simply masturbating emotionally or as a reliever when the temptation to indulge in fantasies comes around or it can also take the form of looking at porn of all sorts.The SSA struggle is a very difficult one at that and I am learning this on a day to day basis.Still,I do rely on God whenever that happens.I know that if I do indeed give into the temptation,all I do is ask God to forgive me whenever that happens and after that,I can forget it.I am still in the learning process of this and I am also still learning on how not to beat myself up when I fall or fail.I am an imperfect human being as much as any other human being is and I know that God expects me to do the best that I can despite that imperfection,but I do fail or fall from time to time and I know that God is there to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I also ask God for help in not to beat myself up over failing or falling and I know that he is there to do that.Still,those who do visit my blog from time to time,I would appreciate a prayer of two from all of you as they will help keep me going.Thanks in advance for prayers said.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual alongside the Holy Bible study class alongside it.As for the rest of the day,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ