Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better.I had a pretty good nights sleep and that made me feel the way I do.I had a not too eventful day.For most of the day,it rained pretty much.It was just a light rain shower that stopped for a minute or two and started again throughout the day.It was just a mixed weather bag that did not seem to let up.
Despite it not being too eventful of a day,I did manage to get a few errands done.I had to get an anniversary card for my uncle and his wife because it is going to be their 50th Wedding Anniversary party tomorrow evening.I am hoping that the party goes well.I will be seeing some cousins of mine whom I have not seen in a long time.Again,I am hoping that the party goes over well.I am hoping to reconnect with some family members who I haven't spoken with in quite a long time.I hope that this will be well worth going to tomorrow.
Tonight,I am looking forward to my usual entertaining the crowd.I am looking forward to this with a lot of enthusiasm and optimism.I am hoping that the night goes well for me.Though I rarely,if ever,have an off night,I always still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.Also,a friend and his girlfriend are hoping to meet with me tonight as well.I am hoping that this will be a fun night for me and for them as well.I look forward to doing this every week during the work week and when the night arives,I look forward to doing what I enjoy doing best.It always makes me feel good to make others happy.
That was my day today,my hoped for night tonight and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am again feeling mixed emotions.I had a very frustrating day today.The work day started out promising but it later turned into a mess.It started after I got my lunch at the social club.After I got my lunch,there was a little bit of pasta salad as a side dish and since I am not a huge fan of pasta salad,I decided to let someone else have it rather than wasting it.Because I feel that it is not right to waste food after somebody has worked hard to prepare it for other people.When some of the people did not want it,I simply left it in the middle of the table while I ate an Italian sausage,which was the main portion.A very inconsiderate member of the social club actually had the nerve to state "I Guess Nobody Wants It",especially since I did not ask him for his opinion on the subject and I politely and simply informed him that I did not ask for his opinion and that I really did not appreciate that.He just laughed at me.But he was not through with me.He deliberately bumped me on the side of me and even had the nerve to say "Excuse Me" to make it look alright and even tried to play innocent and naive as way of getting sympathy from the social club staff that was there at the time.When I expressed how I felt regarding it in an angry but calm tone of voice,he had the nerve to threaten violence on me by stating that he would knock my block off if he caught me out in the community.He did leave and said that he was done there for the day but he did come back frequently during the afternoon.I simply shrugged and went down in the basement to do my job and not pay any mind to it.Before I did start my job,I actually waited half an hour for my mood to calm down before starting my job because I did not want anybody around saying the wrong thing to me and I would explode.I did not want to take any chances of hurting anybody or even myself.After waiting that half an hour,where I talked with somebody for that time span,I felt better though I was still at edge after what happened.Fortunately for me,the rest of the work day went by smoothly and there were no problems.
When the social club coordinator came back later in the afternoon,I talked with him about what had happened and he said that he would look into this the minute that he had a chance.I will be checking back with him on Tuesday to see what the results are.I am hoping that something can be done to help reduce stuff like this.What happened today did not have to happen and I wish that some people would be considerate of other's feelings and not the opposite where they wind up hurting them.I also wish that more people would understand that their immature actions can hurt others if they are not careful.But as always,you can't always get people to be the way you'd like them to be.Let alone get angry when somebody causes problems.Oh Well.Live and learn.
With what happened today,I am just glad that the weekend is finally here.I am looking forward to entertaining the crowd tomorrow night.I am looking forward to that with a lot of enthusiasm and optimism.I am hoping that the night tomorrow night goes well.Not only that,a friend of mine and his girlfriend are hoping to be there tomorrow night.The night ought to be interesting and fun.
That was my day today and my hoped for day and night tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.I am feeling a little bit of joy,a little bit frustration and mostly angry and at edge.Why?It is over what had happened today at work.While my job went smoothly,I had a run in with the coordinator at the social club today.It was an issue regarding the social club computer on my use of it on Tuesday.
While I was on the social club computer checking out the latest weather report,he called me over and I asked "Is There Something Wrong?" and he answered by saying "I Don't Know.It Depends On What You Have To Say For Yourself."
When I walked into another room with him,he told me that he found some pornographic images in the internet history on the computer consisiting of nude ladies and stuff like that.I had to really assure him that I knew nothing of this and that I did not log on to any site of that nature and that I didn't know how those images got on to there.He even asked if anything popped up on the computer while I was on there and I answered him "NO",which was the truth.For about 2 minutes,I had to keep reassuring him that I knew nothing of anything of that nature and again,I did not log on to anything inappropriate.He said "Okay,We'll Let It Go At That For Now.Just Be Careful.If Anything Pops Up That Isn't Supposed To Be There,Let Us Know."I answered by saying "Okay" and went back on the computer.After checking out a Wikipedia page,I closed off the internet and went back to the basement to finish my shift and I stayed there until lunchtime.I even read from my Life Recovery Bible during the time that I was waiting for the laundry to get done.Before I did go back,I had a talk with another social club staffer about this problem and also assured her that I really did not do anything wrong and I also did not log on to any inappropriate websites during my time on Tuesday.She said that she would look into it and see what could be causing this.
What really amazed me was that I did not get angry nor did I lose my temper during that talk with the coordinator today regarding that social club computer issue.I don't know what it could be.I must be doing something right.I don't know if it's going to the support group at the church each week or if it's the creator in Heaven helping me out.I don't know.But whatever it is,I hope that it continues to work for me.
When I got home this afternoon,I took my mom grocery shopping so we could have some food for the whole month.The shopping trip went well enough and after I got home,I simply checked out some new DVD's that I bought at Blockbuster Video because they still have that sale where you can get 2 Previously Viewed DVD's for free when you buy 2 of them,which I bought after work.I also had to return later to get a new case because one of them had the insides which hold the DVD in place broken.They simply apologized and put the DVD and the accompanying picture label in the new case.Overall,a day with some mixed fortunes and I am hoping that tomorrow works out better.
Tomorrow is yet another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes by smoothly.After that,it's the weekend.I will be glad for that.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty decent day today.Though the day started out frustrating with me picking up a small mess at the drug/alcohol rehab center,I managed to have a pretty good day.After I dropped the laundry off at the work site,I simply drove straight home because I felt tired due to a lack of sleep the previous night.I had a difficult time getting to sleep the previous night due to all the heat and humidity that was around.I had both my window and table top fans going but I still could not get to sleep.I tossed and turned repeatedly trying to get to get to sleep.I managed to doze off without realizing it and did not remember a thing until my mom called me up for breakfast this morning.When I got home,I slept for a few hours because I was tired and needed to get some sleep before I went crazy.When I woke up,I felt better and went out to do an errand for the home.While out,I managed to have a light lunch to tie me over until dinner.
I went to my support group meeting at the church and the meeting was wonderful.I shared experiences from the past several days to them,including the Monday afternoon experience that I shared on here.It was great to have them listening to me and thanking me for sharing my story of the several days experience.It was also a relief to get all of it off of my chest.For that,I am greatful to be going to this group and to have found out about it.I do not know if I would have made it this far without them.The men are a swell bunch.I feel better now finding out about this and going to it.Yes I do.I look forward to the next meeting.I hope that it is as wonderful as this one.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes by smoothly.After work,I have to take my mom grocery shopping for the month.She has informed me that she needs to get some food in the house because it is needed.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a very smooth work day today.Nothing negative happened at work today and I again had a talk with the department head regarding the laundry bag problem and he talked with my supervisor about it and I guess that they are working on it as I am saying this.
Despite the smooth day,I was tired.The day was smooth but the weather,which was HAZY,HOT & HUMID like yesterday even on the drive home,really tired me out.Whne I got home.I was really tired from all the heat and humidity that I had to lay down and take it easy for awhile before returning a phone call that a friend made while I was on the way home.I just did not have the energy to make any phone calls due to the scorching summer weather that we have been experiencing in my hometown the past few days.I am hoping for relief very soon.We are suposed to get some rain tomorrow and that is supposed to cool the weather down for the rest of the week.I am hoping that it does because this heat and humidity have been driving me crazy.It does get bothersome and annoying after a while.Again,I am hoping that relief comes soon.
I did step out for a short time tonight.I stopped in at the place where I entertain for a few minutes to see how some of the people were doing.Apparently,it was a slow night tonight but that is to be expected during near mid-week.They did have a pizza party earlier in the evening so I had a few slices while I was there and I left.I went straight home because I do have to get up in the morning for work.
Tomorrow is simply a pick up day.I am hoping that the pick up works well,which means that I am hoping that there is no mess to pick up at the pick up place.I also have my Wednesday night support group meeting at the church and I am hoping that the meeting goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a not too eventful day today.The reason why the day was not too eventful was because of the weather being HAZY,HOT & HUMID.But I managed to get some stuff done today.I managed to make it to my appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor and the meeting with her went pretty good.After that,I went home to cool off before doing some more shopping.I went to pick up a half gallon of ice cream and I also went to a Burger King in my area for a ICEE cold drink.While there,I saw some young men sitting in some chairs and they were looking at me very unusually.I did not pay any attention to them as I was going to get my straw for my drink.As I was walking past them to get to a seat to enjoy my drink,one of them called me a faggot and the others laughed as he did so.Again,I paid no attention as I was walking past them and they left the restaurant soon after.I just sat down and started to sip my ICEE.When I finished,I disposed of my cup and I talked with an elderly couple before I left.They jokingly asked if it was hot enough for me and I jokingly answered "Yes it is."Again,I did not let what those young men did to me get the better of me.I know that I am not a Gay man.I was only sexually abused in that sense and that is what contributed to me having these SSA desires.I am still determined to overcome these desires and not let them control me or determine who I am.I know that I am NOT Gay and I also know that I,deep down,do not find men sexually attractive.I know what led me to having these desires and as stated,I am not going to let them control me nor will I let them determine who I am or determine my choice in sexual partners.I know that men and women were created to compliment each other and as stated,I am not going to let these SSA desires control me.I am also not going to let name calling determine who I am either.Faggot is simply a negative label and besides,traditionally,faggot is a bunch of twigs tied together,which is something I am not.I am a human being and I am also a man.I am determined to be the man that I want to be and not what the world wants to make me out to be.I know that I am not Gay.I only have the desires and I know that the desires can be changed with the right emotional support.I am still seeking that and I am not giving up.Apparently,those young men wanted to start something with me and they were disappointed that they did not get what they wanted from me.OH WELL!Live and learn.
The rest of the day went by pretty well.After I arrived home,I relaxed for a bit.I finished my personal computer work and I ate dinner.Before the day is through,I don't know what I will do.But I know that it will be something that will get me out in the community and that is what I am striving to do.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by smoothly.
That was my day and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty decent day today.I really did not do too much.I simply went for a drive to the North Tonawanda area to check out a Blockbuster Video in the area.I wanted to see if they had any decent DVD films to purchase.I did manage to buy one film.It was better than nothing.I also stopped at a Wendy's in the area and had some chicken nuggets to tie me over until I got home for dinner.On the way back to the city that I live in,I stopped at a classic car show at a park in the area and I saw a rare sight.I saw a 1971 Ford Pinto there.It was in brand new condition and the owner told me that it was all original.I told him that this is rare seeing a Pinto at a classic car show because due to the negative notoriety that they had aquired during that time,there are not too many around.But he assured me that this was the standard 2-door coupe and they alongside the station wagons were not the problem cars but only the three door hatchback's known as the Runabout's.He even told me that there were some for sale online but he does not know if he's going to get them or not.Still,it was great to see a few great cars and seeing the Pinto made the show for me.
Last night,the night was a success.There was a great big crowd there and that was awesome.This was also the first big crowd that I had seen in a long time there because the crowds in Saturday night's past have been pretty small to medium.Still,it was a delight seeing this big crowd and there were people that I had known who came in who I had not seen in quite a while and that was terrific.There were also some people there who were coming back from a wedding and they thought that they would stop in for a bit and have some fun.Some of the wedding guests who came there also sang a few tunes.Again,it was an awesome night and I had a great time singing up a storm.I sometimes wish that I did have that big a crowd most of the time so there are more people to entertain.Though I never let a small to medium amount of people stop me from doing what I love to do,I always wish that at times I had more.The more the merrier,I always say.But I know that a small crowd is better than having no crowd and I still always appreciate that no matter what.
Tomorrow is a day off.I still have some stuff to do.I have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor and I have to take my mom grocery shopping.But I still get to enjoy the rest of the day when I am finished.I am hoping that everything I have to do goes well.
Thatw as day today,my night last night and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ