Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda today.I first went to a local supermarket to turn in some bottles and cans that were in my car's trunk.After doing that,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did some work in my vinyl room and after that work was done,I relaxed and took it easy.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It is never easy and it does get difficult day after day or minute/moment as my emotions vary at different times.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I always feel a tad better after talking about this particular struggle with them as it shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened out of a deep sleep by yet another throbbing erection and lustful thoughts were also creeping up into my mind.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this particular temptation.I sat up for a while,but the erection continued to throb.I had to pray to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was a very difficult temptation that I was dealing with.I kept praying until the erection softened and the sexual images of men and their accompanying lustful thoughts.After they did disappear,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in lusting after men and and also,to fantasize with sexual images of other men.I also was tempted to manipulate my genitals at the same time to all of those things.I kept up in prayer to God and asked him for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I kept it up every time until the temptation disappeared and the sexual images faded away.I felt better after that and I kept moving on after each prayer.It shows that God and Christ are there leading the way and that makes me feel better that I can talk to them anytime about these things.I am also again asking for prayers by all of you who are following my blog and reading the posts.I also ask that you leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It can be an upbuilding scripture from the Holy Bible to saying something like "You can beat this.Keep up the fight."Of course, you can say something like that in your own way.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have church as usual and I am also planning to go to my sister's house to do my laundry as it is an awful lot that needs to be done.I am just going to take it easy for the rest of the day.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I really didn't do too much today.I simply went out only once today to pick up a few things at a local Dollar Tree store and after paying for those things,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be as I go from day to day,or at times,from minute/moment to minute/moment.At times,it can get so difficult that it can at times drive me crazy.It having BPD isn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone in this particular struggle.I can simply talk to God and his son Christ Jesus about it and they help keep me looking clam and make me feel a tad better in the long run.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I sat up for a while and wouldn't lay down to go back to sleep again until the erection had softened and when it did,that is was what I did.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation to fantasize and lust after other men while manipulating my genitals to all of it.I immediately stopped and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and I did feel better afterwards.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ all day as these terrible temptations came around and I kept asking God in the name of his son Christ Jesus to give me the strength to fight and resist all of these temptations.I kept it up and after I prayed each time,I felt better and much stronger.It showed that God and Christ both heard me and that really reassures me each time.I am also again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to continue praying for me and also,to please leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging comments both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.Please continue to pray for me and don't be shy by leaving and encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a lot planned for today.
I first went to my spirituality group today and that group meeting went wonderfully well.After it was over,I headed for a local kitchen to have lunch and after eating that,I headed over to the local Public Works department to drop off some old and broken down electronics equipment for them to have recycled.After that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw a little bit of money and after that,I headed for a gas station to get some gas and after that,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a few movies on DVD for the rest of the day and I also had dinner while watching one of them.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I go through this day after day and at times,it can get pretty tiresome and boring.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying more on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.This shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to engage in the unclean habit of masturbation when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I sat up for a while and didn't lay back down until the erection softened.I laid down and went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted a little bit to indulge in fantasies and lusting that are connected with this terrible SSA,but I prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations and I did feel better after praying.Since I was busy for much of the day getting some much needed stuff done,I wasn't really preoccupied with anything of that nature,but I must keep in mind that tomorrow is another day and the temptations can at times come back with a vengeance when least expected.I am again asking that all of you who follow and read my blog to keep on praying for me as I am going through all of this.I also ask that you please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section also.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first met with my case worker here at the house.The meeting was for 20 minutes and it went well.After the meeting,I headed out to a local store to pick up something that I needed for myself and after paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and I had an early dinner as I had plans to attend church tonight as it is Ash Wednesday,the start of the season of Lent.I got dressed up in nice dress clothes and headed for the church.
The Ash Wednesday service was a wonderful service and we also had Holy Communion as well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did some cleaning up here and there and I put some stuff into my car's rear seat to drop off at the local Public Works place.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading as well before turning in for the night.Overall,a very good and eventful day,as for me,attending church always makes the day eventful.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.At times,this particular struggle can get pretty tiresome and I also wish that I didn't have to go through it,although I know that I have to go through it day after day.The emotional roller coaster ride can really feel draining at times as I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next.It struggling with BPD wasn't bad enough,I also suffer from the schizophrenic tendencies that I have.Aside from the BPD emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to struggle with hearing things that only I can hear and that nobody else hears,such as footsteps,voices calling my name and whenever I look,there is nothing nor nobody to be found.At times,this struggle can also make me feel drained and even make me feel confused.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone in this particular struggle with God and Christ Jesus leading the way.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection and lustful thoughts alongside with that temptation.I got up and started to walk and the erection softened while I was doing that and when it was fully soft,I went back to bed and to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to act out in other ways,such as fantasies,lusting and also,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though at times,ejaculation does occur or I proceed to masturbate when orgasm happens.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever these terrible SSA related temptations came at me.I prayed and I prayed real hard and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to fight and resist these urges and to also show that I am serious about healing from these terrible unnatural sexual desires that I have and from this terrible SSA,as I didn't want to sin nor displease God in any way,shape or form.I felt better after praying for that strength and I felt stronger.As the temptations came,I prayed and I prayed hard and I felt better after that.I am also asking again for prayers by all of you who follow my blog and read the posts.I also ask that y'all leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as both your prayers and your encouraging words keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome SSA.It is just that my blog gets visitors,but they don't leave an encouraging comment or two for me.Please don't be shy.Please leave me an encouraging word or two and also,keep up in prayer for me.Thanks in advance to all of for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Thursday spirituality group,lunch at a local kitchen afterwards and dropping off some stuff at the local Public Works office.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed over to a gas station to get a little bit of gas and after that was done,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day and I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions can be up and good one day or one minute/moment or down the next day or minute/moment.It's bad enough that I have to go through this,but I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.With this,I also have to put up with hearing things that nobody else can hear,such as footsteps,voices calling my name and others sorts of things.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks in advance to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I tosses and turned for a while,but it wouldn't soften.I got up to walk and as I did,the erection softened and when it was fully soft,I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I did escape this episode,I was tempted to indulge in fantasies and lusting that are connected with SSA and also to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though at times ejaculation does occur and also at times,I finish with masturbating.I kept up in prayer to God all through the day and I prayed to God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and I felt better as the temptation was reduced to nil and I could go on with the rest of the day,but the urges did come back and at times,they came back with a vengeance and I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ as I didn't want to sin nor displease God in any way,shape or form.I kept it up as I didn't want to act out on these unnatural desires that I have as acting out on them will never give me what I want.I am asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to keep up in prayer for me and also to please leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Please do both of these things for me as I am so much in desperate need for these things.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting with my case worker and I am also planning to attend the evening's church service as Ash Wednesday is tomorrow.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
Since the weather has improved and it is a little warmer,I headed out to a local auto outlet to get the tire for my passenger side rear wheel replaced.This took only a few minutes and after paying for the work,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things that were needed and after paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed for a while and watched TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to do some recommended Holy Bible as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It is bad enough that I struggle with the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,but I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone in this struggle and that is great as I can openly talk about this particular struggle with God in his son Christ Jesus name and not be ashamed of doing so.Thanks in advance to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again awakened out of a deep sleep in the wee early morning hours by yet another throbbing erection and my urge to masturbate it away was really strong.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this urge to masturbate and also,as a result of my still being tired and sleepy,sexual images of men were starting to cloud my mind.I simply got up out of bed and started to walk towards the bathroom.As I walked to the bathroom,the erection softened and the sexual images of men clouding my mind also started to disappear.After using the bathroom,which was when the erection that I had softened,I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was still tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies and lusting with sexual images of men clouding my mind and yes,I had the urge to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping and/or to proceed to masturbating once orgasm has been reached.The lustful and sexual images of other men were what was causing that urge and I really had to pray to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ really hard to ask for strength to fight and resist these urges and also to have these sexual images of men cleared out of it as I didn't want to sin/fall short and displease God by doing so.With what I know now about Homosexuality/SSA,Satan,the Devil is using everything in his power to get me to against God's perfect law and indulge in all the sinful sexual activity that the so called "Gay" lifestyle offers,but I willfully refuse to let Satan have his way with me.I turn over all of these temptations to God and ask him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to give me strength to fight and resit all of these urges and I prayed real hard as well.After praying all of those times,I really felt better and much stronger as I knew that God heard me and helped me.I am now going to work on making that a habit whenever these urges come around to try and get me to indulge in everything that the unnatural desires that I have that are connected to SSA come at me.I am also asking again that all of you who follow and read my blog posts to continue in prayer for me as I am going through all of this and again,to please leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section as both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going.Thanks in advance for all of your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit quickly as I awaited my ride to church with one of the men that I worship with.We also had a pleasant talk while going there and it was great.The minute that we arrived at church,we both attended the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the study class and the worship service were wonderful.We are starting to prepare for the Lenten season and I hope that it's a wonderful season at that.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,my ride giver and I left and he dropped me off at home.We also had another pleasant conversation on the way as well.
After I got home,I got out of my suit and into my home suit and I relaxed.I called my ex brother in-law to come over and look at the stove to see what could be wrong with the oven and he couldn't fix it,but he tried.After he left,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and took it easy for the rest of the day.I simply listened to some of my music and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.For me,going to church every Sunday makes the day eventful and it never changes for me as it always stays the same.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward and forward,I am still on my daily struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be like at all.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I have nothing to worry about with God and his son Christ Jesus leading the way and that is great.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do to help me and also,for what they provide as they provide powers and means way beyond what any human therapy can provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by throbbing erections at two separate intervals in the wee early morning hours.With the first one,I sat up in bed and started to get out of bed and that softened the erection as I was getting up.With the second one,it didn't last very long as I had to get up anyway and as I headed from my room into another room,the erection softened and I also had to use the bathroom as I continued to walk elsewhere in the house.Though I escaped this double whammy,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies with and lusting after other men and also,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect or to the point of orgasm and stopping alongside the fantasies and lusting,which is when I usually fall when they come around.I kept up in prayer all day to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I asked for strength to help me fight and resist these terrible temptations and I prayed really hard because I didn't want to sin nor displease God in any way,shape or form.After praying each time,I felt better as the temptations were reduced to nil.I knew that God and his son Christ Jesus were there to help me and they did give me the strength as I felt much stronger whenever I finished praying.It was wonderful to know that God and Christ Jesus are there to help out and lead the way for me.While I am keeping up in prayer myself,I am also asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my blog posts to continue praying for me as I am going through this complex emotional time.Though it has been nearly six months since my mother passed way,I am still feeling the effects of her death and her absence because I lived with my mother from the day we moved into the house,which I am still living in and grew up in,until the day that she passed away in the house.I am still feeling the absence of hers and I do miss having her around.Please continue in prayer for me and also,please share an encouraging word or two in the comments section,as both your prayers and encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome SSA and the unnatural sexual desires that are connected with it.It is just that my blog gets many visitors,but they usually don't leave any comments.If you visit,please don't be shy.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It would really make my day to read something encouraging that somebody left for me as a comment.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do or provide.
Tomorrow,if the weather pattern hold up and we get what is planned to come,which is warmer weather and some rain to help melt the snowy mess that we have currently,I am hoping to go to a local auto place to get my tire replaced and also,to withdraw some money to help pay some bills that need to be paid.As for the rest of the day,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ