Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
When I woke up in the early afternoon,I had a bowl of cereal and also got an unexpected phone call from a Christian counselor who I have confided in for a while.We talked for about 10 minutes and hung-up.I then began to do my personal PC work,which I finished in about an hour.
After that,I went out to run an errand for my mom.I went to a nearby supermarket to pick up a few more things for her.While there,I ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in 13 years.He was with his mother shopping and we talked for quite a while.He was here for a visit and he wanted to know how I was doing.We talked for a while before he went back to his mother and I headed for the checkout to pay for the groceries.
After coming home,I brought the groceries in the house and bathed for a while.I had to clean myself up because I am going out tonight to sing for my friends and I wanted to make sure that I was clean and neat for that tonight.After my bath,I ate a light dinner.
After eating,I registered a few more bills at the Where's George site and I did some more last minute personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Tonight,as stated,I am going to be singing for my friends and I am hoping that the evening goes well for me.Last week,my night of entertaining the crowd went great and I was warmly welcomed back into the place by an appreciative crowd.It was awesome.I am hoping for another awesome night and I am looking forward to singing again.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation and I masturbated.I did it last night while sitting in a chair.I felt so miserable after that and I asked the creator to forgive me.It was over images of nude men with erect penises.I just can't shake them loose.I want to shake them loose because I am getting sick and tired of masturbating to these images and also the way they keep clouding my mind.I am still feeling hopeful that I can.I just need the right level of support.I am not going to act out.I know that masturbation is considered acting out.But I don't want to act out with another man because the sexual activity associated with the Homosexual condition is wrong and inappropriate.The condition itself isn't sinful.It is just the activity that is sinful.I need to get some support and I also need to start to take an active role in seeking and nurturing healthy relationships with other men.I am hoping that I can start doing that soon.I am getting sick and tired of the emotional rut that I am in.If anyone out there has any ideas,I would like to know what they are.Thanks in advance.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the rest of the weekend ahead.FJ
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Friday, February 06, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went smoothly.Despite a minor mess that I had to clean up doing the pick-up,the day went well.There was nothing really to gripe about.After my job was done,I bagged everything and dropped it off at the rehab center before heading for home.
On the way home,I went to the bank to cash my paycheck and to withdraw some money for my mom.After that,I went to do some more grocery shopping.It was to pick up a few more things that were needed.I headed straight home after that.
I dropped off the groceries at home and I also headed back out to drop some money off at my mechanic's garage.He was glad to have gotten the money.It was quite a lot.He thanked me for it and I headed back home.
When I got home,I had a hearty dinner and it was filling.After that,I decided to go and register some bills at the Where's George site.They are now all on there and I am glad that they are.I even had to write some of them on paper so I could register them later.I also did some last minute personal PC work.I still have a little bit more to do before I shut down for the night.
I am glad that the weekend is here.I am actually even happier that I am now singing again.I actually missed entertaining my friends every Saturday night.I am glad to have been there last week and I am looking forward to tomorrow night.Again,I am glad to be doing this again.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being plagued by images of nude men with erect penises.I almost manipulated my sexuality today as a result.But I managed to stop myself.But there is still the images.I am still feeling hopeful that I can overcome this.I know that I have to make some changes.I have stopped acting out on my desires and I am still working on avoiding pornography,especially Gay pornography.But I know that I do have to do a lot more.I still have to work on finding and forming healthy relationships with other males.I have given my phone number to practically every guy that I know to call me to talk but I have yet to hear from them.I guess that I have to try other areas.If anyone has any ideas and/or advice,please share.Thanks.
I am also still feeling the temptation of going to a pornography site and watching porn.But again,I am going to visit YouTube and watch a few more music videos and/or cartoons.I am hoping that the temptation dies down.
As stated,the weekend begins tomorrow and I am looking forward to tomorrow night.As for the rest of the weekend,I haven't made any plans but whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ
The work shift went smoothly.Despite a minor mess that I had to clean up doing the pick-up,the day went well.There was nothing really to gripe about.After my job was done,I bagged everything and dropped it off at the rehab center before heading for home.
On the way home,I went to the bank to cash my paycheck and to withdraw some money for my mom.After that,I went to do some more grocery shopping.It was to pick up a few more things that were needed.I headed straight home after that.
I dropped off the groceries at home and I also headed back out to drop some money off at my mechanic's garage.He was glad to have gotten the money.It was quite a lot.He thanked me for it and I headed back home.
When I got home,I had a hearty dinner and it was filling.After that,I decided to go and register some bills at the Where's George site.They are now all on there and I am glad that they are.I even had to write some of them on paper so I could register them later.I also did some last minute personal PC work.I still have a little bit more to do before I shut down for the night.
I am glad that the weekend is here.I am actually even happier that I am now singing again.I actually missed entertaining my friends every Saturday night.I am glad to have been there last week and I am looking forward to tomorrow night.Again,I am glad to be doing this again.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am still being plagued by images of nude men with erect penises.I almost manipulated my sexuality today as a result.But I managed to stop myself.But there is still the images.I am still feeling hopeful that I can overcome this.I know that I have to make some changes.I have stopped acting out on my desires and I am still working on avoiding pornography,especially Gay pornography.But I know that I do have to do a lot more.I still have to work on finding and forming healthy relationships with other males.I have given my phone number to practically every guy that I know to call me to talk but I have yet to hear from them.I guess that I have to try other areas.If anyone has any ideas and/or advice,please share.Thanks.
I am also still feeling the temptation of going to a pornography site and watching porn.But again,I am going to visit YouTube and watch a few more music videos and/or cartoons.I am hoping that the temptation dies down.
As stated,the weekend begins tomorrow and I am looking forward to tomorrow night.As for the rest of the weekend,I haven't made any plans but whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work shift went by smoothly.There were no problems at all.The pick-up went surprisingly well and I managed to get a lot done.Not only that,the money that I was waiting on from my work place for repairs that my 4X4 needed to get it in great running condition also came in.I now have quite a bit of money to give my mechanic on Monday when I have to do some more running around.This is really going to help him.I can hardly wait to give it to him.Not only that,my 4X4 is running pretty good.I have had no problems with the BRAKE light coming on since my mechanic topped off my brake fluid reservoir with brake fluid.If I can go by until next Wednesday with no problems,COOL!
After I ate lunch,I dropped off the clean laundry and I headed for home.
On the way home,I had to make a stop along the way.I went to a local supermarket to buy a box of cereal for my mom.I also mailed a letter out that needed to be mailed out.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I rested up and I also finished my personal PC work.I also had a light dinner and decided to do some more last minute PC work before turning in for the night.
I had only one more errand to run before calling it a day.I had to go to a nearby drug store to buy something that I personally needed.My day is now complete.
I am now relaxing and anticipating the new day tomorrow.I don't know what to expect but I am hoping that everything goes good.
At the moment,regarding my SSA struggles,I am still feeling hopeful.I did have a brief,albiet minor,episode earlier this afternoon when I was trying to take a nap.An image of a naked man with an erection was clouding my mind and I also gave into the temptation to manipulate my sexuality but fortunately,I stopped before I was at the point of orgasm.I simply shook my head rigorously to rid myself of the image and the feelings associated with it.I slept for a little over an hour and I had no problems.I am hoping that I can stop myself from psychologically acting out in the near future.I don't want to start masturbating or even trying to track down someone who will let me act out with them.My goals are to simply find and have healthy same sex relationships where I can learn how to be a man,act as well as react like a man and just to be one of the men.I don't want anything sexual nor do I want to act out sexually with another man because it is not going to fulfill my needs any time soon nor will it give me the satisfaction that I need to feel like A MAN.I am hoping that anyone out there can help me.I am also getting tempted to visit a pornograpic site to see some guys act out sexually in a Homosexual/Gay manner.But instead,I am going to visit YouTube and watch some music videos to quench the temptation.Prayers and advice would be appreciated.Thanks in advance.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The work shift went by smoothly.There were no problems at all.The pick-up went surprisingly well and I managed to get a lot done.Not only that,the money that I was waiting on from my work place for repairs that my 4X4 needed to get it in great running condition also came in.I now have quite a bit of money to give my mechanic on Monday when I have to do some more running around.This is really going to help him.I can hardly wait to give it to him.Not only that,my 4X4 is running pretty good.I have had no problems with the BRAKE light coming on since my mechanic topped off my brake fluid reservoir with brake fluid.If I can go by until next Wednesday with no problems,COOL!
After I ate lunch,I dropped off the clean laundry and I headed for home.
On the way home,I had to make a stop along the way.I went to a local supermarket to buy a box of cereal for my mom.I also mailed a letter out that needed to be mailed out.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I rested up and I also finished my personal PC work.I also had a light dinner and decided to do some more last minute PC work before turning in for the night.
I had only one more errand to run before calling it a day.I had to go to a nearby drug store to buy something that I personally needed.My day is now complete.
I am now relaxing and anticipating the new day tomorrow.I don't know what to expect but I am hoping that everything goes good.
At the moment,regarding my SSA struggles,I am still feeling hopeful.I did have a brief,albiet minor,episode earlier this afternoon when I was trying to take a nap.An image of a naked man with an erection was clouding my mind and I also gave into the temptation to manipulate my sexuality but fortunately,I stopped before I was at the point of orgasm.I simply shook my head rigorously to rid myself of the image and the feelings associated with it.I slept for a little over an hour and I had no problems.I am hoping that I can stop myself from psychologically acting out in the near future.I don't want to start masturbating or even trying to track down someone who will let me act out with them.My goals are to simply find and have healthy same sex relationships where I can learn how to be a man,act as well as react like a man and just to be one of the men.I don't want anything sexual nor do I want to act out sexually with another man because it is not going to fulfill my needs any time soon nor will it give me the satisfaction that I need to feel like A MAN.I am hoping that anyone out there can help me.I am also getting tempted to visit a pornograpic site to see some guys act out sexually in a Homosexual/Gay manner.But instead,I am going to visit YouTube and watch some music videos to quench the temptation.Prayers and advice would be appreciated.Thanks in advance.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There was no messes to clean up,which really made me feel good.After dropping off the laundry,sorting it out and having lunch at work,I headed for home.
On the way home,I had to stop at my mechanic's garage.I did this because my BRAKE light kept coming on while I was applying the brake while stopping or slowing down with it turning off after a few seconds of driving.On the way,I had to shift into park while waiting at a traffic light so I would not have to see that red colored light on the dash.When I got there,I told my mechanic and he topped off my brake fluid reservoir with brake fluid and I was on my way.
I also had to stop at the bank to withdraw some money for my mom so the water bill can be paid and I also withdrew some money for myself so I can pay the car insurance when it's due.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I put my PJ's back on and tried to take a nap.I slept for a little over 1/2 an hour before getting back up.I also relaxed on the bed and read while I listened to a little bit of music for a while before dinner.
After eating a light dinner,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.I am now caught up and that is great.
Regarding SSA,I did have a brief episode.While laying down trying to take a nap,the images were creeping back in.It also made me want to manipulate my sexuality with the images.I did for a short time but I managed to stop myself.I still felt terrible about that but I am feeling better.I need to find some alternative ways of relaxation to try to get rid of the sexual images of men that creep up on me when I least expect them.I have also discovered that as a result of me not going out due to me not having a vehicle,my mind has been pretty preoccupied with sex,including where I am craving to act out and wanting to perform sexual favors for members of my own gender.I need to get my mind off of sex somehow.I also need to work on my emotional make-up,including my anger issues so I don't think about sex with other men so much.I need to keep remembering that men are brothers and that only real & Healthy male love is brotherly love with no sex included.I need to keep thinking of that and not on sex.If anyone out there has any ideas,please share.Thanks.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.I also have to go and pay the water bill for the month after work before heading for home.After that,I might just take it easy for the rest of the day.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The laundry pick-up went smoothly.There was no messes to clean up,which really made me feel good.After dropping off the laundry,sorting it out and having lunch at work,I headed for home.
On the way home,I had to stop at my mechanic's garage.I did this because my BRAKE light kept coming on while I was applying the brake while stopping or slowing down with it turning off after a few seconds of driving.On the way,I had to shift into park while waiting at a traffic light so I would not have to see that red colored light on the dash.When I got there,I told my mechanic and he topped off my brake fluid reservoir with brake fluid and I was on my way.
I also had to stop at the bank to withdraw some money for my mom so the water bill can be paid and I also withdrew some money for myself so I can pay the car insurance when it's due.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I put my PJ's back on and tried to take a nap.I slept for a little over 1/2 an hour before getting back up.I also relaxed on the bed and read while I listened to a little bit of music for a while before dinner.
After eating a light dinner,I decided to do some last minute personal PC work.I am now caught up and that is great.
Regarding SSA,I did have a brief episode.While laying down trying to take a nap,the images were creeping back in.It also made me want to manipulate my sexuality with the images.I did for a short time but I managed to stop myself.I still felt terrible about that but I am feeling better.I need to find some alternative ways of relaxation to try to get rid of the sexual images of men that creep up on me when I least expect them.I have also discovered that as a result of me not going out due to me not having a vehicle,my mind has been pretty preoccupied with sex,including where I am craving to act out and wanting to perform sexual favors for members of my own gender.I need to get my mind off of sex somehow.I also need to work on my emotional make-up,including my anger issues so I don't think about sex with other men so much.I need to keep remembering that men are brothers and that only real & Healthy male love is brotherly love with no sex included.I need to keep thinking of that and not on sex.If anyone out there has any ideas,please share.Thanks.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.I also have to go and pay the water bill for the month after work before heading for home.After that,I might just take it easy for the rest of the day.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.
The work day went smoothly.It was actually a pretty quiet day on the job.As a result,the day went pretty fast.I simply did my job and when I was finished in the early afternoon,I bagged everything,dropped it off at the rehab center and headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket and bought a few things that were needed for home.I also went to a gas station and filled my gas tank up.Though I had 3/4 of a tank,I still wanted to fill it up because we are going to have a bitterly COLD!!!! night tonight and a bitterly COLD!!!! day tomorrow.That way,my 4X4 will start up in the morning faster.This morning,I had no problems starting her up,which was a relief.I was a little worried that it wouldn't.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and took it easy.I also watched a 30 minute documentary video on the history of Filmation animation.It was interesting to watch and very informative.
After eating a light dinner,I finished my personal PC work that I had started in the morning while on break at work.It was quite a lot and despite some issues,I got it done.
I am now relaxing at home and I am anticipating the next day.I am just hoping that tomorrow will be a very worthwhile day.
Regarding my SSA issues,they have been mild but I'm still feeling the feelings that I don't want to feel.I am also having piowerful cravings to act out on my desires but I am not going to do that.I have had some images creeping up on me in my mind and I was trying to manipulate my sexuality along with the images.I stopped before I could go too far.This is really bringing me down.The only reason why I don't talk about this with any of the counselors that I am currently seeing is because they will only tell me that it is who I am and what I am and I should just embrace the identity that I have and I will feel happier.But I can't do that.From all of the books that I have read,I have come too far in this process and returning to that way and/or pattern of living is like the dog returning to it's own vomit after it has expelled it out.I want to stay on the road to recovery.I want to overcome this dreaded SSA that I am struggling with and I know that acting out on my desires will NEVER get me the fulfillment that I need to feel like a man.If anyone out there has any advice for me,please share so I can get over this obstacle that I have been trying to get over for the past few years.Please help me,anyone out there.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up ges smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
The work day went smoothly.It was actually a pretty quiet day on the job.As a result,the day went pretty fast.I simply did my job and when I was finished in the early afternoon,I bagged everything,dropped it off at the rehab center and headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket and bought a few things that were needed for home.I also went to a gas station and filled my gas tank up.Though I had 3/4 of a tank,I still wanted to fill it up because we are going to have a bitterly COLD!!!! night tonight and a bitterly COLD!!!! day tomorrow.That way,my 4X4 will start up in the morning faster.This morning,I had no problems starting her up,which was a relief.I was a little worried that it wouldn't.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and took it easy.I also watched a 30 minute documentary video on the history of Filmation animation.It was interesting to watch and very informative.
After eating a light dinner,I finished my personal PC work that I had started in the morning while on break at work.It was quite a lot and despite some issues,I got it done.
I am now relaxing at home and I am anticipating the next day.I am just hoping that tomorrow will be a very worthwhile day.
Regarding my SSA issues,they have been mild but I'm still feeling the feelings that I don't want to feel.I am also having piowerful cravings to act out on my desires but I am not going to do that.I have had some images creeping up on me in my mind and I was trying to manipulate my sexuality along with the images.I stopped before I could go too far.This is really bringing me down.The only reason why I don't talk about this with any of the counselors that I am currently seeing is because they will only tell me that it is who I am and what I am and I should just embrace the identity that I have and I will feel happier.But I can't do that.From all of the books that I have read,I have come too far in this process and returning to that way and/or pattern of living is like the dog returning to it's own vomit after it has expelled it out.I want to stay on the road to recovery.I want to overcome this dreaded SSA that I am struggling with and I know that acting out on my desires will NEVER get me the fulfillment that I need to feel like a man.If anyone out there has any advice for me,please share so I can get over this obstacle that I have been trying to get over for the past few years.Please help me,anyone out there.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick-up ges smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, February 02, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty so-so day today.
Today was my day off.I simply woke up late and I had a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast.After that,I got dressed and I headed for my mechanic's garage to drop off his money for the week.
When I got there,my mechanic adjutsed the idle and he even cleaned the throttle choke off because it was really dirty.Since my 4X4 had been sitting for over a year,this was to be expected.But I am hoping that there are no problems with the starting mechanism tomorrow when I start the 4X4 up so it can warm up for a few minutes before I can drive it.
I also ran an errand for my mom.I picked up a bottle of pain reliever for her and I headed for the bank to withdraw some money for her.
When I got home,I ate dinner and I also went out again for my mom to drop off some money at one of her girlfriend's houses because my mom owed it to her.I also picked up a couple more things that my mom needed and I also managed to stop by a local Radio Shack to see of they had additional cables so I can hook up my VCR/DVD combo to the digital converter box that we have for the analog to digital transferance on February 17th.I have to hook that up the night before the 17th before I turn in for the night.That way,we will have TV on the day it goes all digital.I still have to get a converter box for another TV that I have so that way when I start using that,I will have it ready for the transferance.I didn't buy anything yet because I didn't have any money.But when I do,I will buy the cables that I need.
I am feeling okay.I have had only minimal problems with SSA today.But Ia m hoping to start getting what I need to help me overcome them.
Tomorrow is work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today was my day off.I simply woke up late and I had a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast.After that,I got dressed and I headed for my mechanic's garage to drop off his money for the week.
When I got there,my mechanic adjutsed the idle and he even cleaned the throttle choke off because it was really dirty.Since my 4X4 had been sitting for over a year,this was to be expected.But I am hoping that there are no problems with the starting mechanism tomorrow when I start the 4X4 up so it can warm up for a few minutes before I can drive it.
I also ran an errand for my mom.I picked up a bottle of pain reliever for her and I headed for the bank to withdraw some money for her.
When I got home,I ate dinner and I also went out again for my mom to drop off some money at one of her girlfriend's houses because my mom owed it to her.I also picked up a couple more things that my mom needed and I also managed to stop by a local Radio Shack to see of they had additional cables so I can hook up my VCR/DVD combo to the digital converter box that we have for the analog to digital transferance on February 17th.I have to hook that up the night before the 17th before I turn in for the night.That way,we will have TV on the day it goes all digital.I still have to get a converter box for another TV that I have so that way when I start using that,I will have it ready for the transferance.I didn't buy anything yet because I didn't have any money.But when I do,I will buy the cables that I need.
I am feeling okay.I have had only minimal problems with SSA today.But Ia m hoping to start getting what I need to help me overcome them.
Tomorrow is work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better that I have been feeling.I had a pretty fair day today.
First off,I ran a few errands.I had to pick up a few things for the home and I also picked up a couple of things for myself.It was really neat.The day was also wonderful weatherwise.It was warm and mild but there was still a little bit of a chill in the air.But I didn't let it stop me from enjoying the day or running the errands.I had a lot to run and I wanted to get them done.
The first thing that I did was that I had to buy a few food items for the home.I also bought a box of cereal for myself.After that,I bought a bag of zesty salsa tortilla Combos and a box of Sno-Caps.I headed straight home after that and that is where I stayed.
When I got home,I ate a light dinner and I also did some last minute personal PC work.It was a pretty fair day and I am glad to have gotten out and did some things.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went great.It was wonderful to be among my friends again after over two months of being away from them.I had a blast entertaining the crowd and they enjoyed the fact that I had returned.It was really awesome to be there and I am looking forward to next week.I am hoping that next Saturday night will be as wonderful as last night was.I feel much better now that I sang for my friends again.
As for the rest of the night,I am just going to stay home and take it easy.I will be going out to have a drink again on Sunday's with my friends starting next Sunday.For tonight,I am going to take it easy.
Despite all the things that I did,I still felt somewhat down.I suffered another relapse.I masturbated.It all started with me playing with my genitals and when I reached the moment of orgasm,I masturbated until ejaculation.I felt really depressed after that.Even after I asked the creator to forgive me,my feelings still didn't change.I still felt down and guilty for that.I am hoping that these feelings will disappear.I need prayers really desperately.I am hoping that people pray for me and hope that I am restored.I am sick of struggling with SSA alone and I would appreciate some support from people,especially from other men,out there.Please help me.Thanks.
Tomorrow is my day off.I hope that the day goes well.I do have to go to my mechanic's garage to pay him the money that I promised to pay him each week,which is the only thing on my agenda for tomorrow.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ
First off,I ran a few errands.I had to pick up a few things for the home and I also picked up a couple of things for myself.It was really neat.The day was also wonderful weatherwise.It was warm and mild but there was still a little bit of a chill in the air.But I didn't let it stop me from enjoying the day or running the errands.I had a lot to run and I wanted to get them done.
The first thing that I did was that I had to buy a few food items for the home.I also bought a box of cereal for myself.After that,I bought a bag of zesty salsa tortilla Combos and a box of Sno-Caps.I headed straight home after that and that is where I stayed.
When I got home,I ate a light dinner and I also did some last minute personal PC work.It was a pretty fair day and I am glad to have gotten out and did some things.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went great.It was wonderful to be among my friends again after over two months of being away from them.I had a blast entertaining the crowd and they enjoyed the fact that I had returned.It was really awesome to be there and I am looking forward to next week.I am hoping that next Saturday night will be as wonderful as last night was.I feel much better now that I sang for my friends again.
As for the rest of the night,I am just going to stay home and take it easy.I will be going out to have a drink again on Sunday's with my friends starting next Sunday.For tonight,I am going to take it easy.
Despite all the things that I did,I still felt somewhat down.I suffered another relapse.I masturbated.It all started with me playing with my genitals and when I reached the moment of orgasm,I masturbated until ejaculation.I felt really depressed after that.Even after I asked the creator to forgive me,my feelings still didn't change.I still felt down and guilty for that.I am hoping that these feelings will disappear.I need prayers really desperately.I am hoping that people pray for me and hope that I am restored.I am sick of struggling with SSA alone and I would appreciate some support from people,especially from other men,out there.Please help me.Thanks.
Tomorrow is my day off.I hope that the day goes well.I do have to go to my mechanic's garage to pay him the money that I promised to pay him each week,which is the only thing on my agenda for tomorrow.
That was my weekend and my hopes for the start of the new week ahead.FJ
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