Tonight,I am feeling much better and optimistic.Tonight,I am going to be singing for my friends and I am also hoping for yet another Buffalo Sabres victory tonight.I am going to be trying out a few new songs tonight and I am hoping that it will all work out.I always get a positive response no matter what I do but I always hope that it works out good.I also still have to practice for my nights because it's what I truly feel that I need to do to get things right.Again,I am still hoping for everything to work out and again,I am hoping for Buffalo Sabres victory tonight.Another win would be truly fantastic.
Today,I checked up on a friend and his live in girlfriend and they are doing good.I couldn't stay long because they had company over and personal stuff was being discussed.I did manage to get a few errands done and that made me feel good.I also received yet another new record album for my ever growing vinyl album collection.It is the hard to find soundtrack album for the TV series Big Blue Marble,which I used to watch when I was younger.That was a real treat.I even listened to the first side and so far,so good.It really brought me back.Today was good and nothing negative to report.I will be going to see one of my counselors on Monday and I am hoping that goes good.I also have a meeting with another counselor on Wednesday and I am hoping to attend that evening support group at the church.I am hoping that all of that goes well.
Comments are always welcomed.Thanks.FJ

Today was yet another work day and it went as usual.Nothing to write home about.But I have a three day weekend coming to me as always.I am glad for the much needed break from a lot of the people that I have to be around three days a week.Tomorrow night,I wil be entertaining my friends where I sing and that will be fun.
Today,I am checking in with mixed emotions.The main reason for my happiness regarding my three day weekend away from the people I am around three days a week is because I do have to put up with a lot of ignorance from people.One of them in particular is a lady who never has a clue as to what you are talking about nor what you like.This person has said that she never heard of Lynyrd Skynyrd nor does she know who they are.She always says "That's way before my time."and she does not know any other music other than country western music.Don't get me wrong,I like that type of music myself because I sing it as part of my act and I also sing Sinatra,Bennett,Manilow and other sorts of Vegas style songs.Peopel have told me that I am a combination of Vegas and Nashville rolled into one.Though I have never let that go to my head,it still makes me feel good to receive such a comment.But I just can't listen to only one type of music.I have to have a variety.What gets me is this:She happens to be at the age to know what I know but she always claims to not know it.When I mentioned almost a month ago that Mark David Chapman was denied parole,she asked "Who's He?"Some of the people I know at work have simply advised me not to get too upset about it and that she is in her own little world and she refuses to venture out of it.That lady is totally the opposite of me.I am trying to get out of my comfort zone(i.e.my own little world)and trying to live life the best way that I know how by sharing my singing talent and trying to be around people as much as possible.I will also be trying a new support group that is held on Wednesday night.It is based at a church within the county that I live.I will also keep you all posted on how that goes.Plus,the only movies she watches are horror movies.Again,don't get me wrong,I also love horror movies but not all of the time.Likewise with music,I got to have variety when it also comes to movies.I like comedies,dramas and movies based on true stories and inspired by actual events alongside animated,including Disney,and family films.But again,ignorance is everywhere and I do accept that.But how much is too much?I also wonder if there are limits to ignorance.
On a lighter note,I am also happy that the Sabres won last night.I was worried for a while when the Bruins dominated most of the game.But the Sabres came back to tie the score,force an overtime and have a shootout to win the game 5-4.It was surprising as well as a nail biter.They also made too many mistakes in the forms of turnovers and costly penalties,which they need to work on if they are to continue to do great.But again,I am happy that they won.Saturday night,they will host the Toronto Maple Leafs in Buffalo.I am hoping for another win.But this time,I hope that the Sabres can dominate this time and win big.Again,another win would be great.
Regarding SSA,nothing happened today and no impure thoughts came in nor any flashbacks.But they can happen when least expected.I have to be on guard.
Well,that was my day.It was not very eventful but at least I worked and that went as well as it could.Again,I am happy for the weekend.
Comments are welcomed.Thanks in advance.FJ

Tonight,I am checking in with mixed emotions.I once again had a rude awakening during the day today as I was taking a nap on the sofa at home after I had gotten home from work.I once again had a dream that I was in the middle of a room full of naked men.All of them surrounding me asking for sexual favors and I actually felt powerless within the dream as they were approaching me demanding that I at least gave them blowjobs.I woke up with a horrendous erection that was also throbbing.I am fortunate that I was on the sofa with a family member in another room.I guess that gave me a little strength because I never masturbate or even play with myself with another family member present in front of me.The erection died down within a few minutes.It was still a rude awakening but after it was all over,I felt good because I did not give in to the desire to fantasize by acting out on a fantasy.
On the other hand,I also feel good because my work day went well and that was great.I also mailed out a couple of important letters and that was an accomplishment.Plus,the Buffalo Sabres are playing in Boston tonight.I hope that they can win tonight.A win tonight would be neat.After that shocking shootout loss on Saturday night,a win would be truly sweet.I also had a talk with a good friend tonight over the phone and he's doing good.I always like it when a friend that I can confide in regarding these matters calls to check up on me.That was the only really good thing tonight.A Buffalo Sabres win would make the night even better.
As always,comments are appreciated.Thanks in advance.FJ

Today,I am feeling good but a little depressed at the same time.
Today,this afternoon,I gave into temptation by masturbating.I did feel miserable afterwards because,as I have typed up yesterday,I feel that masturbation poses a negative effect on my healing from unwanted SSA.I did not want to masturbate but I did and I felt lousy afterwards.I did ask my creator to forgive me and I felt better after doing so.But I still feel guilty about this and I feel that all I need is a good nights sleep to get over it.I wil feel better by tomorrow and I can just forget about it.I know that God wipes the slate clean after you ask to be forgiven for your sins and he forgets about it.
Why I feel good is that I had a very exciting day aside from that setback.I managed to find and add to my vinyl record collection,a rare UK pressing of an album by Genesis on Decca Records called Rock Roots.I also found a couple of albums by former member Steve Hackett called Spectral Mornings and Defector.I also managed to find a John Gary album called That Warm And Tender Glow and a couple of Tchaikovsky albums alongside the very first Average White Band album.A very eventfuul day despite the negative setback that happened.Again,after agood night sleep,I will feel better.
I am also in the middle of an emotional roller-coaster.My niece and her husband are seperated at this moment and it is putting the whole family on edge.We are all upset with her about to be ex-husband because he just simply left without saying goodbye nor giving any real reason as to why except that he does not love her anymore because she is "too controling".He is not doing much to help her or his family out.They have three children.Two daughters and one son.The son is the middle child.Again,it is a very hectic emotional roller coaster for me and my family and I never know what to expect anymore all because of this.
Any advice would be truly appreciated,including how I can fight the urge to masturbate.Thanks in advance.FJ

Happy Halloween Everybody.This is the night of thrills,chills and scares.It is also the night of watching horror movies non-stop.Speaking of which,I bought a new 75th Anniversary of Dracula on DVD today at Wal-Mart.It is a 2 DVD set of a the movie.The first DVD is the original Universal Picture Studios classic w/Bela Lugosi in the title role.It has commentaries by film historian David J.Skal and Dracula:Dead And Loving It's screenwriter Steve Haberman.It also has a Philip Glass composed film score performed by The Kronos Quartet(the movie originally did not have a film score due to the fact that it was made during the depression of the early 1930's and Universal had no money to pay a composer to write a score)but you have to select it from the Features menu before you hit Play to watch the film.Plus,it has two great documentaries.The first being a tribute to the great actor Bela Lugosi hosted by director Tod Browning and the next one is called The Road To Dracula,which is a behibd the scenes look at the making of this great film.The second DVD is a Spanish language version that was filmed at Ubiversal Studios at the same time as the American version.The differences is the cast,the director,and there was also a score.It is also in the Spanish w/optional subtitles in English,French and Spanish and an optional Englash dubbed audio.The American version was filmed during the day and the Spanish version was filmed at night.This also has an introduction by Lupita Tovar Kohner,who was in the Spanish version and there is also a Kenneth Branagh hosted documentary on Universal Horror Movie Classics.Plus,the Spanish version is 29 minutes longer than the American version.The American version is 75 minutes long.The Spanish version is 104 minutes long.
Today,worked went well.We had a little party where we watched Young Frankenstein and had pizza and chicken wings.We also had doughnuts,cupcakes and cider for dessert.It was a good day.I was in a great mood and it was also fun.Who says Halloween is just for kids only?
I was tired when I got home today.I laid down on my bed and I took a nap.As I had slept,visions of men with erections danced in my head and I kept hearing things like "I Need A Blowjob" and "I Want You To Suck My Dick!"I woke up with a horrendous erection in my own right and I had a craving to actually masturbate.I do not know what kept me from doing it but the craving was strong.My erect penis was also throbbing like crazy like it was waiting for me to masturbate it away.But again,I resisted and it fell limp in a few minutes.Again,I do not know what strengthened me at that point but it worked.Usually,I am not very good at resistance.I usually give in and ask for forgiveness later in prayer when I do.I think that masturbation has a negative effect on my healing process because it is acting out in a psychological sense(fantasy purposes)and I feel that it will only make my struggles with SSA worse.I always feel guilty when i masturbate because I do not feel that it is right to do nor is it a healthy way of relieving myself of sexual tensions.
I would like to know what a lot of you people think.What can I do to improve my strengths in resisting this temptation when it comes around.Any advice would be helpful.Thanks.FJ

Today I am feeling very good.I finally got something accomplished today that I have always wanted to accomplish.I finally managed to make it to an f.y.e.store to get my new Backstage Pass card in place of my former Replay card that I had gotten through Media Play before all of the stores closed down in January of this year.I finally made it down there to pick it up and that was great.The best thing about this is that I do not have to rack up points to get savings.I just simply make a purchase and I already save 10% on purchases.I also get an additional 10% on my birthday.I finally made it down there.The only reason why I could not get there before was because the location was in the next county in New York State and the traffic is always treacherous trying to get there.Today,the traffic was not bad going down but there was a moderate traffic jam on the way back.But I managed to make it home.Today was also a beautiful sunny day.I had my window down and my KISS music blaring from my car stereo.It was awesome.I also managed to buy myself a calendar of my hockey team,the Buffalo Sabres.It's great.The whole thing has some nice glossy pictures of the team members in action.I even managed to get a few errands done at the same time.A very eventful day.
I also received a new movie in a movie that I bought off of Ebay a few days ago.It is a classic called The Silent Scream.A 1980 movie about a bunch of college students who share rooms in an isolated country house and they keep disappearing one by one.WOW!I have not seen this movie in years and I am going to watch it this weekend.
As for the Sabres,they will be playing this Thursday night in Boston against the Bruins and Saturday night at home against the Toronto Maple Leafs.I can hardly wait for those games.I hope that they'll win.
That was my day.Comments are welcomed.FJ

Tonight,I check in with happiness and disappointment.Yes,I do.I am feeling happy but I am also feeling disappointed.
My happiness is because I had a great night of entertaining the crowds last night at the cafe.I sang my heart out.I sang two appropriate songs for teh occasion.I sang Alan Jackson's Midnight In Montgomery,which is about Alan himself visiting the gravesite of Hank Williams Sr. in Montgomery Alabama and seeing the ghost of Hank Sr. while also paying tribute to him.The next song that I sang was Monster Mash by Bobby "Boris" Pickett and again,I was well received.It was a pretty decent night even though not too many people showed up.But the weather did play a factor.It has been cold,windy and we did have a little bit of rain on Friday night.Plus,they were also having a Halloween party and that was fun.I had a good time and everything went as hoped.I also did a couple of Sinatra songs in the middle of those two and ended singing a couple of KISS songs,which were Beth and Hard Luck Woman.
My disappoinment is that the Buffalo Sabres lost last night to the Atlanta Thrashers in a shootout by a score of 5-4.Though I am disappointed by this,I am still proud of them in that they still have the best record in the NHL with 10-1-0 and there is always next year to set a new record in the opening season.They are off until Thursday when they travel to Boston to play the Bruins.I am hoping for a victory.If that happens,that would be terrific.
Today,I managed to take a cruise and I bought a few used oldie 45's at a used record store.It was a great day and even though it was cold and a little windy,it was still great to get out and just enjoy the day.
I would appreciate any comments to what I share.Thanks.FJ