Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
It was a rocky day for me yesterday.In the early afternoon,I was getting up off of a chair to help my mom to the bathroom,when she started to suddenly have pain in her back.She also couldn't breathe without feeling pain.I immediately called my niece who when she arrived,called her mom and her mom advised her to call an ambulance,which she did.The ambulance arrived quickly and took her to the local hospital.I continued on with my day while still awaiting from my niece or my sister about my mom's status.I spent the rest of the evening in the house alone,but tried to pass the time watching TV,but when I tried to sleep last night,I had a difficult time trying too get to sleep as a result of the stress of the day and everything connected with it.
Today,I simply did a few important things,like pay a bill at the local Sears store and also,checking out the local thrift stores for anything.After that,I headed over to the local hospital to pay my mom a visit after hearing what her room number is.
After spending some time with my mom,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple boxes of trash bags.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this to God in the name of son Jesus Christ's name and I do feel a tad better.Therapy does help and medication also does help,but God and Christ do things beyond human therapy and man made medication can do.It is simply a matter of talking to God and helping me to endure through the most difficult days and make them a little bearable.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to really use all my strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one.I simply sat up for a while and when I did,the erection died down and I simply went back to sleep.There was also an episode where I grabbed my genitals and started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of erecting or near erecting them so I could masturbate,but stopped myself and asked God for forgiveness for doing that.Though I did escape these two particular episodes,I still have to keep in mind the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a constant battle with these unnatural desires that I have and the battle can be a very difficult fight and struggle.There are times that I have to simply tough it out and just fight these temptations as giving into them are sinful.Though the struggle seems overwhelming,I still continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems way too unbearable to handle.I simply throw the temptation on them and after talking about it with them,I feel better as the temptation is reduced to nil.It is never easy wanting to do the right thing,but to gain and get God's approval for trying to do the right thing,though I do fall short at times,is always worth it.If I do indeed fall,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive and after that,the slate is wiped clean and it is forgotten by God.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,it is simply church as usual,including the morning's Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.I am also planning to visit my mom in the hospital for a few minutes as well.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned,but I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Saturday, September 01, 2012
Friday, August 31, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,in between helping my mom to and from the bathroom,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had some stuff planned.
I stayed at home for much of the afternoon as my niece,who only spent a few minutes here at home with my mom and I,went to do some stuff for us.I stayed home and hung out and continued helping my mom out with various things around the house until my niece came back later on in the day.
When she did,I headed over to my appointment with the pastor to have our last one on one study session to reinstate me as a member of the church.I went over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The session went great.After some small talk,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a short spell.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or from one minute to the next.It is a very difficult thing to deal with.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggle with BPD even more difficult.I will still continue with my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to get too difficult or seemingly too impossible to handle.I simply take it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they help sustain me.This shows that I am not alone in my recovery and that is wonderful.It also makes the struggle a tad easier when I rely on God and Christ more.Thanks to both of them for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my own strength to fight and resist this current temptation.I simply sat up for a while and as I was sitting up,the erection died down and I simply went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a constant fight with these unnatural desires that I have to resist the temptation to act out on them.I am also still having a problem with manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for masturbatory purposes and I still would love to stop doing that.I am so used to doing that since I was younger and now,it has become an unclean,stubborn and disgusting habit that I can't seem to stop.I am always yearning for people to help me with this.I want to know what has worked for you whenever this craving comes around.Please share and I will try to use it to the best of my abilities.I will also continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever these temptations come around.I will simply throw the temptation on God in the name of son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for doing so and after that,the slate is wiped clean and it is forgotten by God.While doing that,I also yearn for prayers by those who follow this blog and for any helpful advice given.Thanks in advance for any prayers and advice offered and also,Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have made no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ
Today,in between helping my mom to and from the bathroom,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had some stuff planned.
I stayed at home for much of the afternoon as my niece,who only spent a few minutes here at home with my mom and I,went to do some stuff for us.I stayed home and hung out and continued helping my mom out with various things around the house until my niece came back later on in the day.
When she did,I headed over to my appointment with the pastor to have our last one on one study session to reinstate me as a member of the church.I went over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The session went great.After some small talk,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a short spell.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or from one minute to the next.It is a very difficult thing to deal with.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggle with BPD even more difficult.I will still continue with my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to get too difficult or seemingly too impossible to handle.I simply take it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they help sustain me.This shows that I am not alone in my recovery and that is wonderful.It also makes the struggle a tad easier when I rely on God and Christ more.Thanks to both of them for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my own strength to fight and resist this current temptation.I simply sat up for a while and as I was sitting up,the erection died down and I simply went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a constant fight with these unnatural desires that I have to resist the temptation to act out on them.I am also still having a problem with manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for masturbatory purposes and I still would love to stop doing that.I am so used to doing that since I was younger and now,it has become an unclean,stubborn and disgusting habit that I can't seem to stop.I am always yearning for people to help me with this.I want to know what has worked for you whenever this craving comes around.Please share and I will try to use it to the best of my abilities.I will also continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever these temptations come around.I will simply throw the temptation on God in the name of son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for doing so and after that,the slate is wiped clean and it is forgotten by God.While doing that,I also yearn for prayers by those who follow this blog and for any helpful advice given.Thanks in advance for any prayers and advice offered and also,Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have made no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning to help my mom to get to and from the bathroom.After that was done,I went back to sleep.Later on,my niece came over to take my mom to see a doctor about radiation therapy.I woke up some time later on and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Spirituality group today and I was looking forward to that with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after I was done eating,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.I still attend my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to get too overwhelming or seemingly too unbearable to deal and endure with.I simply talk about it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I feel a little bit better.It shows that I am not alone in my struggles and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by throbbing erections at two separate intervals at the time.These temptations to masturbate were really overwhelming.On both of these occasions,I sat up and as I did,the erection softened and I didn't lay back down until the erections were both dead.I went back to sleep after both of these occurrences.Though I escaped these two episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,mo matter what form it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a constant fight to resist the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.If it isn't with morning erections,it is lusting after men,which tempts me to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for masturbatory purposes,which is one temptation that I am having a difficult time with as this is one that I am usually giving in to.I need help in resisting that sort of temptation as well.I am seeking advice and also,requesting that prayers be made so I can beat this particular temptation.I have asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into that particular temptation,but I keep doing it constantly.I want to stop doing that.I will keep praying to God for help,but I also need prayers by others as well,especially by those who keep track of my blog here or from somebody who just happens to run across this blog while surfing the net.Again,I will keep praying to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to resist these temptations,but I also ask for prayers by others as well.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,I have my meeting with the pastor of the church as our personal studies are now winding down.As for much and the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning to help my mom to get to and from the bathroom.After that was done,I went back to sleep.Later on,my niece came over to take my mom to see a doctor about radiation therapy.I woke up some time later on and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Spirituality group today and I was looking forward to that with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after I was done eating,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.I still attend my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to get too overwhelming or seemingly too unbearable to deal and endure with.I simply talk about it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I feel a little bit better.It shows that I am not alone in my struggles and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by throbbing erections at two separate intervals at the time.These temptations to masturbate were really overwhelming.On both of these occasions,I sat up and as I did,the erection softened and I didn't lay back down until the erections were both dead.I went back to sleep after both of these occurrences.Though I escaped these two episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,mo matter what form it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a constant fight to resist the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.If it isn't with morning erections,it is lusting after men,which tempts me to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for masturbatory purposes,which is one temptation that I am having a difficult time with as this is one that I am usually giving in to.I need help in resisting that sort of temptation as well.I am seeking advice and also,requesting that prayers be made so I can beat this particular temptation.I have asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into that particular temptation,but I keep doing it constantly.I want to stop doing that.I will keep praying to God for help,but I also need prayers by others as well,especially by those who keep track of my blog here or from somebody who just happens to run across this blog while surfing the net.Again,I will keep praying to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to resist these temptations,but I also ask for prayers by others as well.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,I have my meeting with the pastor of the church as our personal studies are now winding down.As for much and the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,because I was awakened by mom out of a deep sleep,and I had to help her to the bathroom.After she was done,I led her back to her room and I went back to sleep.I woke back up in the mid morning and after doing a few things for my mom,I bathed,After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed because I had a few errands to run and while my niece stayed to watch mom,I went out to do them.
I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things that I needed and after paying for those,I headed over to a local McDonalds to have a McDouble sandwich.After that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I heated up a can of soup as I was still hungry and after eating that,I did my personal PC work.When I was finished with that,I relaxed and I took it easy.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with having BPD.I never how my mood will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.I simply can't predict how my mood will be.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.Even when it does seem to be getting too overwhelming for me to deal with,that is when I take it to both God and his son Jesus Christ.I simply talk about this with both God and Christ and after that,I feel a little bit better as it is in their hands.The struggle with any kind of mental illness is never an easy one,but with the help of both God and Christ,I am never alone in this.Thanks to both of them for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I simply started to get up and when I did,the erection started to soften and after sitting up for a few minutes,the erection was now gone and I laid back down to go back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind the the temptation to act out on thee unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in the fight to resist any type of temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.When it does seem to be getting too overwhelming and/or seemingly impossible,I simply throw the temptation on both God and his son Jesus Christ and they help in sustaining me and getting me through any temptations.It is great that I can rely on them for help and that I am not in this struggle alone.I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his Jesus Christ and I feel better as the temptation is nil.If in the event that I do give into the temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I feel better as the slate is wiped clean and the sin is forgiven and forgotten by God.Thanks to both God and Christ for being there and for helping is sustaining me whenever any temptations seems to get way too overwhelming or unbearable to handle.Thanks again to both God and Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Spirituality group and my usual lunch at the local kitchen.I have no other things,But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning,because I was awakened by mom out of a deep sleep,and I had to help her to the bathroom.After she was done,I led her back to her room and I went back to sleep.I woke back up in the mid morning and after doing a few things for my mom,I bathed,After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed because I had a few errands to run and while my niece stayed to watch mom,I went out to do them.
I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things that I needed and after paying for those,I headed over to a local McDonalds to have a McDouble sandwich.After that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I heated up a can of soup as I was still hungry and after eating that,I did my personal PC work.When I was finished with that,I relaxed and I took it easy.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with having BPD.I never how my mood will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute to the next.I simply can't predict how my mood will be.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.Even when it does seem to be getting too overwhelming for me to deal with,that is when I take it to both God and his son Jesus Christ.I simply talk about this with both God and Christ and after that,I feel a little bit better as it is in their hands.The struggle with any kind of mental illness is never an easy one,but with the help of both God and Christ,I am never alone in this.Thanks to both of them for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I simply started to get up and when I did,the erection started to soften and after sitting up for a few minutes,the erection was now gone and I laid back down to go back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind the the temptation to act out on thee unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in the fight to resist any type of temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.When it does seem to be getting too overwhelming and/or seemingly impossible,I simply throw the temptation on both God and his son Jesus Christ and they help in sustaining me and getting me through any temptations.It is great that I can rely on them for help and that I am not in this struggle alone.I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his Jesus Christ and I feel better as the temptation is nil.If in the event that I do give into the temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I feel better as the slate is wiped clean and the sin is forgiven and forgotten by God.Thanks to both God and Christ for being there and for helping is sustaining me whenever any temptations seems to get way too overwhelming or unbearable to handle.Thanks again to both God and Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Spirituality group and my usual lunch at the local kitchen.I have no other things,But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning to help my mom get to the bathroom and back to bed and I went back to sleep.I woke up later on in the morning and after helping my mom again,I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.Before I did everything that I had to do,I waited until my niece got home with my mom.That way,if they needed any help from me,I was there.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money.After that,I went to a local supermarket to turn in some pennies that I had for much needed cash.After that was done,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up some much needed sleep aid.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a few minutes and I helped out with some more cleaning up around the house.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my road to recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next or from one minute to the next.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever this struggle seems to get way too difficult or seemingly too impossible to handle.I simply talk about this to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever I can't seem to get through and after that,I feel a little bit better.It shows that I am never alone.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.Fortunately,my mom needed help to get to the bathroom when that happened,so the erection died while I was getting her to the bathroom and after I got her back to the room so she could go back to sleep,I also went back to sleep.But later on,I started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation.I stopped and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sin.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a fight to resist any temptation that comes to me.I always have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will only please Satan and not please God.I also have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity,which is male,and the feelings of authenticity that come with that affirmation.Acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am working to disown and distance myself from.I only accept my true identity,which is male and I refuse to accept anything else other than that.I am also continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more than anyone else.Whenever the temptations seem to get too overwhelming or seemingly too impossible to resist,I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I ever do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for falling and after that,I can move on with the rest of the day as the slate is wiped clean and the sin is forgiven and forgotten by both God and Christ.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being here and showing that I never have to struggle alone.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning to help my mom get to the bathroom and back to bed and I went back to sleep.I woke up later on in the morning and after helping my mom again,I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.Before I did everything that I had to do,I waited until my niece got home with my mom.That way,if they needed any help from me,I was there.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money.After that,I went to a local supermarket to turn in some pennies that I had for much needed cash.After that was done,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up some much needed sleep aid.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a few minutes and I helped out with some more cleaning up around the house.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my road to recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next or from one minute to the next.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever this struggle seems to get way too difficult or seemingly too impossible to handle.I simply talk about this to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever I can't seem to get through and after that,I feel a little bit better.It shows that I am never alone.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.Fortunately,my mom needed help to get to the bathroom when that happened,so the erection died while I was getting her to the bathroom and after I got her back to the room so she could go back to sleep,I also went back to sleep.But later on,I started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation.I stopped and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sin.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a fight to resist any temptation that comes to me.I always have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will only please Satan and not please God.I also have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity,which is male,and the feelings of authenticity that come with that affirmation.Acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am working to disown and distance myself from.I only accept my true identity,which is male and I refuse to accept anything else other than that.I am also continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more than anyone else.Whenever the temptations seem to get too overwhelming or seemingly too impossible to resist,I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I ever do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for falling and after that,I can move on with the rest of the day as the slate is wiped clean and the sin is forgiven and forgotten by both God and Christ.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being here and showing that I never have to struggle alone.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, August 27, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,but had to help my mom to the bathroom and back to her room.After that,I went back to sleep and didn't get back up until later on.When I did get up again,I bathed,had my breakfast and did at least some or my personal PC work.After that,when my niece came over,I headed over to my Monday afternoon group and was looking forward to that.
The group went great.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up quite a few more things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and finished my personal PC work.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.I also helped out around the house with more cleaning up.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be day after day or minute after minute.I never know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.It also makes my struggles even tougher.I still attend my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ a lot more than anything else.Whenever the struggle seems to be getting too overwhelming,I simply turn to both of them and they help sustain me.I never have nothing to fear once they are in control.It is still difficult,but I know that I am not enduring alone.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.I had to get up when my mom called me to help her to the bathroom.After I got her back in bed,I laid back down and went to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,which can take any form,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to always stay on guard and be watchful as it can come when I don't suspect anything.It is always a difficult thing to endure and I really hate to endure this sort of temptation as the sexual activity connected with SSA is sinful and unacceptable to God.I am still continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever these temptations seem to be way too powerful for me to handle.I simply take it to both God and Christ and after that,I feel better as the temptation is reduced to nil after that.I also have to remember to go to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever I am tempted to look at porn in any way,shape or form or to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.I will have to keep on praying and throwing every temptation on both God and Christ whenever the struggle seems to get way too overwhelming for me to handle.If I do ever give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into temptation and after that,the slate is wiped clean and forgotten by both God and Christ.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning,but had to help my mom to the bathroom and back to her room.After that,I went back to sleep and didn't get back up until later on.When I did get up again,I bathed,had my breakfast and did at least some or my personal PC work.After that,when my niece came over,I headed over to my Monday afternoon group and was looking forward to that.
The group went great.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up quite a few more things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and finished my personal PC work.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.I also helped out around the house with more cleaning up.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be day after day or minute after minute.I never know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.It also makes my struggles even tougher.I still attend my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ a lot more than anything else.Whenever the struggle seems to be getting too overwhelming,I simply turn to both of them and they help sustain me.I never have nothing to fear once they are in control.It is still difficult,but I know that I am not enduring alone.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.I had to get up when my mom called me to help her to the bathroom.After I got her back in bed,I laid back down and went to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,which can take any form,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to always stay on guard and be watchful as it can come when I don't suspect anything.It is always a difficult thing to endure and I really hate to endure this sort of temptation as the sexual activity connected with SSA is sinful and unacceptable to God.I am still continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever these temptations seem to be way too powerful for me to handle.I simply take it to both God and Christ and after that,I feel better as the temptation is reduced to nil after that.I also have to remember to go to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever I am tempted to look at porn in any way,shape or form or to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.I will have to keep on praying and throwing every temptation on both God and Christ whenever the struggle seems to get way too overwhelming for me to handle.If I do ever give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into temptation and after that,the slate is wiped clean and forgotten by both God and Christ.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up and when my sister,who lives locally,stopped in,I headed for church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and worship service were wonderful.I had some wonderful fellowship before and after the service.After it was all over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and while a friend of the family worked on cleaning the living room and I put my mom back to bed after she took her afternoon medication,I did my personal PC work and after the living room was cleaned,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.I also managed to get in some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.For me,going to church every Sunday always makes the day eventful.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from day to day,or from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It also makes my SSA struggles even tougher.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more than anything.Whenever the struggle seems way too overwhelming,I simply take it to God and Christ and I feel a tad better.It is simply a matter of letting both God and Christ take the wheel and lead the way.After talking to them and letting take the lead,I do feel a tad better.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the early afternoon when I masturbated.Yes,I did.I really felt miserable and I did ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for falling.I did feel better,but I still have to continually work on fighting and resiting any temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I know the origin and motivation for the falling.I have been under a lot of stress as of late.My mom getting hurt and being diagnosed with cancer,though fortunately it was caught early and my mom has a 99% chance of recovery,all the negative baloney that I have been getting from my sister's while cleaning the house and also,the forceful and aggressive way that my locally living sister has been with me throughout this whole thing,including shooting me down(so to speak)whenever I try to take the lead in something and also all other things that have been really driving me up the wall and driving me crazy.This is why that my recovery has been rocky and rough as of late as I have a lot on my plate and all the stress and strain of what they family,though meaning well,has been lately.I have to learn to stay strong and cool during all of this as it has also been arousing my anger as of late as well and that also plays a factor in my recovery from SSA.I will really have to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever these situations go awry and seem to be getting out of control.I really have to continue relying on them to help me stay cool,calm and slow to anger as God is slow to anger(psalm 103:8)and also,to stay focused on my goals to heal and resist any temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I will have to really start praying hard and really ask them for help in my fights to resist any form of temptation.I am also asking for prayers by those who have been reading and following my blog regularly as they are appreciated.Thanks in advance for them.I really need prayers right now.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Monday afternoon building and improving self esteem group.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up and when my sister,who lives locally,stopped in,I headed for church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and worship service were wonderful.I had some wonderful fellowship before and after the service.After it was all over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and while a friend of the family worked on cleaning the living room and I put my mom back to bed after she took her afternoon medication,I did my personal PC work and after the living room was cleaned,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.I also managed to get in some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.For me,going to church every Sunday always makes the day eventful.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from day to day,or from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It also makes my SSA struggles even tougher.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more than anything.Whenever the struggle seems way too overwhelming,I simply take it to God and Christ and I feel a tad better.It is simply a matter of letting both God and Christ take the wheel and lead the way.After talking to them and letting take the lead,I do feel a tad better.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the early afternoon when I masturbated.Yes,I did.I really felt miserable and I did ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for falling.I did feel better,but I still have to continually work on fighting and resiting any temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I know the origin and motivation for the falling.I have been under a lot of stress as of late.My mom getting hurt and being diagnosed with cancer,though fortunately it was caught early and my mom has a 99% chance of recovery,all the negative baloney that I have been getting from my sister's while cleaning the house and also,the forceful and aggressive way that my locally living sister has been with me throughout this whole thing,including shooting me down(so to speak)whenever I try to take the lead in something and also all other things that have been really driving me up the wall and driving me crazy.This is why that my recovery has been rocky and rough as of late as I have a lot on my plate and all the stress and strain of what they family,though meaning well,has been lately.I have to learn to stay strong and cool during all of this as it has also been arousing my anger as of late as well and that also plays a factor in my recovery from SSA.I will really have to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever these situations go awry and seem to be getting out of control.I really have to continue relying on them to help me stay cool,calm and slow to anger as God is slow to anger(psalm 103:8)and also,to stay focused on my goals to heal and resist any temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I will have to really start praying hard and really ask them for help in my fights to resist any form of temptation.I am also asking for prayers by those who have been reading and following my blog regularly as they are appreciated.Thanks in advance for them.I really need prayers right now.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Monday afternoon building and improving self esteem group.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
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