Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning to help my mom get to the bathroom and back to bed and I went back to sleep.I woke up later on in the morning and after helping my mom again,I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.Before I did everything that I had to do,I waited until my niece got home with my mom.That way,if they needed any help from me,I was there.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money.After that,I went to a local supermarket to turn in some pennies that I had for much needed cash.After that was done,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up some much needed sleep aid.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a few minutes and I helped out with some more cleaning up around the house.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my road to recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next or from one minute to the next.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever this struggle seems to get way too difficult or seemingly too impossible to handle.I simply talk about this to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever I can't seem to get through and after that,I feel a little bit better.It shows that I am never alone.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.Fortunately,my mom needed help to get to the bathroom when that happened,so the erection died while I was getting her to the bathroom and after I got her back to the room so she could go back to sleep,I also went back to sleep.But later on,I started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation.I stopped and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sin.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a fight to resist any temptation that comes to me.I always have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will only please Satan and not please God.I also have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity,which is male,and the feelings of authenticity that come with that affirmation.Acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am working to disown and distance myself from.I only accept my true identity,which is male and I refuse to accept anything else other than that.I am also continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more than anyone else.Whenever the temptations seem to get too overwhelming or seemingly too impossible to resist,I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I ever do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for falling and after that,I can move on with the rest of the day as the slate is wiped clean and the sin is forgiven and forgotten by both God and Christ.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being here and showing that I never have to struggle alone.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ