Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,though today,it was a little on shaky ground.

Today,I woke up and had a couple cups of coffee.After my coffee,I decided to do some of my personal PC work,but had to stop so I could take my live-in grandniece to work.

After dropping her off,I decided to do a little holiday shopping.I bought gift cards for some of my family members,but the day almost took a turn for the worse when I was going to get the last gift certificate when I discovered that my wallet was missing.I went back into the last store that I went into,but they said that nobody turned anything in.I also asked another store,but I got the same answer.Throughout my looking for it,I prayed to my Heavenly Father to help me find it as I was really sad and desperate to find it.I kept on praying and praying that the Lord would help me find it and I did.I was overjoyed to find it and I let the stores know that it was found and after that,bought the last gift certificate that I needed and then,I got my hair cut.I headed over to a local supermarket to buy a few things and after that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and finished my personal PC work.After that,I headed back out again to drop off a few free newspapers at a few people's houses with a Christmas card in each of them.After that,I also picked up a couple packs of Winter socks at the local Target.I headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I shoveled a little snow and I cleaned the bathroom.After that,I heated up my evening meal and ate it while watching a video online.After that,I simply did some more personal PC work.When the time came,I planned to retire for the evening.A pretty good day,though stressful when my wallet was missing for a while,overall.

Tonight,I am feeling thankful to my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for helping me to find my wallet.I had to find it and relied on my faith,though I also needed help where I needed faith,in my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ to help me and that faith paid off.This shows that he is a very loving father and his son is a very loving savior.They helped me where and when I needed help.I am going to let this be a lesson to me.It is a very hard lesson.I needed to find it to make sure that my wallet didn't fall into the wrong hands with identity theft running rampant nowadays.Thanks to my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything they've done.I truly appreciate what they did for me not only today,but every day.Thanks to them.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers.I also would still appreciate some spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words of support in the comments section.Thanks to y'all in advance for your help and support.

Tomorrow,it will be church as usual in the morning and for the evening's Christmas Eve candlelight service.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I got up and washed up real quickly.I then got dressed and headed for work.

The work day went well.After it was over,I stopped at the local Target to pick up something that I really needed.After that,I went over to a local supermarket to pick up something for dinner.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and checked my e-mail and after that,I vacuumed the rugs in the house and showered quickly afterwards.I then started to heat up my evening meal and relaxed while waiting for it to get done.I also checked out some videos online while doing so.

After my meal was finessed heating,I ate it and watched a few more videos online.I also did my personal PC work and after that was done,I did some online browsing for a while until I decided to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.

Tonight,I am still feeling sad by the state that I'm in.I have still been saying angry things to myself under my breath and there is nobody there in front of me.I don't know why I keep doing this.I feel so terribly depressed and down as a result of this thing that I have,or should I say problem that I have.I'm afraid that if this keeps up,people will be afraid to come up to me to talk to me.I want people to come near me and not be afraid of me.I want to stop doing this,but don't know how to go about doing it.I have been asking for helpful advice from y'all,but nobody has stepped up.I need help and I need some helpful advice on how I can stop this.This anger and rage burning within me is making me miserable.The angry things I've been saying under my breath are making me miserable.Again,if anyone can help,please help me.I'm crying out for help and reaching out for support,but so far,nothing.Please help me.Please pray that I find help and that I break free from this terrible thing that is depressing me and making me sad so much.Please pray for me.Please leave any helpful advice in the forms or spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words.I really need both of things real badly and seriously.Thanks to y'all and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

The holiday weekend starts tomorrow and I will have a four day weekend coming to me.I am planning to shop tomorrow and attend both church services on Sunday and the Christmas morning service on Christmas.I hope that this holiday weekend goes wonderfully for me.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up and washed up quickly.After that,I drank some coffee to try and wake up and after getting dressed,I headed for work.

The work day went as well as expected.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and after that,I headed out to a local church for a free dinner,which was wonderful.After that,I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things and got some gas at a local gas station.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I put the groceries away and shaved.I also showered after that and when I was finished,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.After that,I did some video watching on a few sites and did a little bit more personal PC work.I later retired for the evening as I was getting tired.A very good day overall.

Tonight,I am still feeling down and depressed over the issues that I have.My anger and rage issues have made me sad.I have been again saying terrible things in anger to myself under my breath and I don't know why.I have been saying really terrible things under my breath about my relatives and such.I don't know why I have been doing this,but I have been doing this for a long time.It always makes me feel miserable as these particular people have never done anything to me at all.I also really don't know any of these people in my family.I always feel miserable and ashamed of myself after I do this.I want to stop doing this.I want to stop saying angry things to myself under my breath.I am seeking answers/advice on how I can stop doing this.It's making me feel so miserable,sad,depressed and above all,I feel like the lowest on Earth as a result of this.I don't want to do this anymore as I am getting tired of saying these things in anger under my breath.If anyone can give me any answers or advice on how I can stop doing this,please share in the comments section.I need some positive support in the comments,such as encouraging words and/or spiritual upbuilding as I need both of these things real bad.I would greatly appreciate anything.Thanks for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is another work day and I hope that it all goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up and had coffee and also cleaned myself up.After that,I got dressed real quickly and headed for work.

The work day went well.There was also a small Christmas party in the staff break room,which was wonderful.After the day was over,I headed for a nearby post office to mail out some late Christmas cards and to get a money order.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a while and did my personal PC work.Since I had ate a lot of food today at work,I was still feeling full from what I ate there that I didn't eat anything at home.I simply settled into my routine at home and relaxed.I did personal PC work for a while until it was time for me to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.

I am feeling extremely tired tonight and I can barely type.I will share more about my struggles when I am feeling more able.In the meantime,please keep up praying for me and leaving me both encouraging words and spiritually upbuilding comments in the comments section.Thanks to all of you and Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is another work day and I am hoping that it all goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

This morning,I got up out of bed and washed up quickly.After a couple cups of coffee,I got dressed and headed for work.

The work day went well,though it was also stressful.After it was all over,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree to pick up a couple boxes of Christmas cards.After that,I headed for home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a while as I was really tired from my hard and stressful day.I also took the trash out to the curb.I then quickly did my personal PC work.I also posted a few comments in a few Facebook groups that I'm a member of.After that,I had a light evening meal as I wasn't very hungry.I did some more personal PC work.I later prepared for my evening retirement.A very good,but also stressful day overall.

In my last few posts,I have discussed my issues with anger,rage,trust and fear.For me,it was a very good unblocking posting all of these things and seeking advice form all of you.I will post more when I can about my struggles.Please continue praying for me.Please continue to leave me some positive verbal support in the forms of encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding as I need both of these things really bad.Thanks to y'all and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is another work day and I hope that all goes well for me.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I got up out of bed and had coffee.After my coffee,I washed up real quickly and got dressed to get ready for work,which I headed for.

The work day went well,though it was a little stressful.After it was over,I headed for home and while on the way,I stopped at a local 7-11 to pick up a sandwich for dinner and a packaged dill pickle,then headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I did my personal PC work and after that,when it was time,I ate the sandwich and dill pickle that I bought.After that,I did some more personal PC work.I later prepared for my evening retirement.A very good day overall.

I'm still yearning to break free from the anger that I feel.This anger that I feel is hurtful.I am also still saying terrible things under my breath and I want to stop doing that.I want to break free from all of these negative things and want to heal and transcend.I don't know how to do it.I want to do it,but need some advice on how to.If anyone has any ideas or advice,please share in the comments section.I am open to anything that can help me.I also ask for y'all to share what has worked for you and how it worked as maybe it could work for me.Please continue to pray for me and please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section,which can be either encouraging words or spiritual upbuilding things.Thanks to all of you and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that all goes well for me.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up and had coffee and washed up.I then dressed up in a suit and headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.

Both the class and the worship service were wonderful as always.I also read from the Holy Bible in front of the congregation today.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed for home.

On the way home,I stopped at a local McDonald's for a quick bite to eat.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I changed from my suit into casual clothes.I quickly did my personal PC work and decided to go out and get a few slices of pizza for lunch.After eating them,I went shopping at a local supermarket and picked up several groceries.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I put the groceries that I bought away and did some cleaning up around the house.After that,I relaxed and did some more personal PC work.I also had a light evening meal and did some more PC work.Later on,as it was getting late,I prepared for my evening retirement.A wonderful and eventful day overall.

Last night,I shared more about my emotional struggles,but I am still not getting any helpful advice from anyone.

I still have this intense anger and rage burning inside of me.I feel like a ticking bomb set to go off on impact.This anger and rage feels like a fire burning inside of me out of control.I just don't know what to do about these intense feelings burning within me.I still feel like I'm all alone at times,although I know that I'm not really alone.I also know that there are others who have the same struggles that I have and that they also have anger and rage issues as well.

However,there is one issue that I have kept hidden and that is the issue of trust.I am now admitting that I also have trust issues.Yes,I have issues with trust.

Why?

Because with my background as someone who has been used,abused in various ways and was the victim of bullying,I feel that there are certain people that I can't trust at all.Plus,with my religious background as following a cult for a short time in my early 20's,I was taught that those who were outside the cult couldn't be trusted.I was also the victim of relentless peer pressure to indulge in things that I wasn't comfortable with and when I wouldn't comply,I was called names and insulted.I was also made to look bad in front of others all because these people weren't getting their way with me.Like this one so called friend,he was a very promiscuous young man and when I refused to indulge in anything that he did,he made me the object of ridicule and wouldn't take me seriously as a person when I refused to do so.This affected the way that I trusted others and were contributors to my issues with trust.I was always afraid that he would try to set me up for a situation that I wouldn't have been able to escape from right away and that is why I put up a front that wasn't really me,which caused even further friction between him and I.Not only that,this particular guy was a narcissist.He always talked about himself.He would always brag about how much he was getting.How big he was and even rubbed my nose in his promiscuous lifestyle.I didn't bow down to his pressure nor did I follow him in his sexually active lifestyle mainly because I was afraid that I would turn out like him if I became promiscuous like he was.I didn't want to be like him as a result of his behavior and attitude and chose not to do so.There were also other young men that I knew that were the same way and that only made my issues with trust even worse.I still have issues with trusting others and I feel that this is hampering my healing and not getting me what I really need.

If anyone has any advice on how I can resolve these trust issues that I have,please share in the comments section.I need some helpful advice on how I can overcome and resolve these issues of trust that I have.I want to trust others,but feel trapped by the issues that I have with this particular area.Please help me.I need all the help that I can get.Thanks in advance for any help or advice offered.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that all goes well for me.FJ