Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I got up in the morning and had coffee and after that,I got dressed up in a suit and headed for church.

The church service was wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I changed from my suit into casual clothes and I did my personal PC work.After that,I headed out to a local supermarket to pick up a few grocery items as I had a gift card to do so.After that,I got some gas and headed straight home.

When I got home,I did some work around the house by vacuuming a few rugs and cleaning the bathroom.After that,I had a light lunch and did some more personal PC work.

later on,in the evening,I showered and changed into dress clothes to head for the New Year's Eve church service.It was another wonderful worship service and after picking up a few slices of pizza at a local pizzeria,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I changed into pajamas and ate my pizza slices.I did a little bit more personal PC work before preparing for my evening retirement.A wonderful and eventful day overall.

I am feeling extremely tired.Please continue praying for me and please leave me some positive support in the forms of spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words.Thanks y'all and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is the New Year's Day church service and after that,I have no plans.I'll simply play by ear and see what happens.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up in the mid morning and had a few cups of coffee.After my coffee,I washed up real quickly and relaxed for much of the morning.I did my personal PC work and after finishing that,I headed out to a friend's place to visit with him for a while.

The visit was wonderful.We also had dinner and after dropping his girlfriend off,I headed for a gas station to get some windshield washer fluid and after that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I did a little vacuuming in the house and I washed my face and shaved.After that,I showered quickly and I did some more personal PC work before preparing to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.

I am feeling really tired tonight.Please continue praying for me and please leave me some spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words in the comments section.Thanks to y'all and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is church in the morning and also,in the evening.I am also hoping to get around to doing a little more cleaning before the day is through.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I got up and had coffee and hurriedly got dressed.I headed for work.

The work day went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a while.I also did personal PC work.I later had an evening meal and I did more personal PC work before retiring for the evening.A very good day overall.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers.Please continue to leave me some spiritually upbuilding and encouraging words in the comments section.I am tired and I can barely type.I will try to share more tomorrow or when I can.Thanks.

This coming weekend,I am hoping to get together with a friend that I haven't spoken with in a while and church as usual on Sunday.I hope that the weekend,which will be three days,goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I got up out of bed and had my usual coffee.I then got dressed real quick and headed for work.

The work day went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a short time and headed back out again.

I went to a local church for a free dinner and it was wonderful.After I was finished eating,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.After that,I planned to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.

Tonight,I'm feeling extremely tired as my medication is kicking in and I can barely type.Please continue praying for me.Please continue to leave me some spiritually upbuilding and encouraging words posts in the comments section.Thanks to all of you.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that the day goes well for me.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up in the early morning and had coffee.I was running late as I had to get my vehicle to the garage to get fixed as the muffler and exhaust system needed replacing and fixing.After dropping it off at the garage,I was given a ride to work.

The work day went well.After it was over,I called the garage and they picked me up from work.After paying for the repairs,I shopped at the local K-Mart and after that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a while and did my personal PC work.I also had a light evening meal.After that,I did some more personal PC work before preparing for my evening retirement.A very good day overall.

My head is hurting me real bad.The pain is hurting me and I can barely think.I will try to post anything on my struggles hopefully by tomorrow or when I am feeling better.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and please leave me some upbuilding and encouraging words in the comments section.Thanks to y'all and Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that the day goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,since I had the day off from work,I decided to catch up on some much needed cleaning in the house.After that,I went out shopping at the local K-Mart and after that,I had a light lunch at a local pizzeria and also shopped a little at the local Super Wal-Mart before heading straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for the rest of the day and quickly did my personal PC work.

After a light evening meal,I did some more personal PC work and after that was finished,I prepared to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.

My emotional state right now is varied.While I'm feeling at peace at the moment,I still feel anger and rage burning inside of me.I would like to let go of this unresolved anger and rage,but again,I don't know how to go about it.I am still asking for advice on how this can be done.I have been trying to let go of these things,but have failed.If anyone can help me,please do so.I need help and advice and also,as much prayerful support that I can get,alongside the spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words that I seek.Please pray for me and show me your verbal support in the comments section.Thanks to all of you.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a back to work day and I hope that all goes well.FJ

Merry Christmas to you all.

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up in the early morning and had coffee.I then cleaned up and got dressed up in a suit.I headed for church for the Christmas Day worship service.

The service was wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I had a light lunch at the local Denny's.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my pajama pants and did my personal PC work.I also shoveled snow and showered quickly.I then got dressed in casual clothes and headed over to my nephew's house for Christmas dinner,which was wonderful.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I changed into pajamas and did some more personal PC work before preparing for my evening retirement.A wonderful and eventful day overall.

My head is hurting me and I am going to hold off sharing more about my struggles when I'm feeling better.Please continue praying for me and please leave some spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words in the comments section.Thanks for your continued support and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I got up and washed up quickly.I then got dressed up in a suit and headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.

Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I had a light late breakfast at a local McDonald's before heading straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and did some personal PC work.After that,I had a light lunch at the local Taco Bell.After getting some gas and shopping at a local Dollar Tree,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a while and did some vacuuming up in the house.I also did some more personal PC work.I then relaxed again for a while until early this evening,when I attended the Christmas Eve candlelight service,which was another wonderful service.After some more wonderful fellowship,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I changed into pajamas and did some more personal PC work.I later retired for the evening.A wonderful and eventful day overall.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,I would appreciate some spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words in the comments section.Thanks for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is the Christmas Day church service and dinner at my nephew's house.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,though today,it was a little on shaky ground.

Today,I woke up and had a couple cups of coffee.After my coffee,I decided to do some of my personal PC work,but had to stop so I could take my live-in grandniece to work.

After dropping her off,I decided to do a little holiday shopping.I bought gift cards for some of my family members,but the day almost took a turn for the worse when I was going to get the last gift certificate when I discovered that my wallet was missing.I went back into the last store that I went into,but they said that nobody turned anything in.I also asked another store,but I got the same answer.Throughout my looking for it,I prayed to my Heavenly Father to help me find it as I was really sad and desperate to find it.I kept on praying and praying that the Lord would help me find it and I did.I was overjoyed to find it and I let the stores know that it was found and after that,bought the last gift certificate that I needed and then,I got my hair cut.I headed over to a local supermarket to buy a few things and after that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and finished my personal PC work.After that,I headed back out again to drop off a few free newspapers at a few people's houses with a Christmas card in each of them.After that,I also picked up a couple packs of Winter socks at the local Target.I headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I shoveled a little snow and I cleaned the bathroom.After that,I heated up my evening meal and ate it while watching a video online.After that,I simply did some more personal PC work.When the time came,I planned to retire for the evening.A pretty good day,though stressful when my wallet was missing for a while,overall.

Tonight,I am feeling thankful to my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for helping me to find my wallet.I had to find it and relied on my faith,though I also needed help where I needed faith,in my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ to help me and that faith paid off.This shows that he is a very loving father and his son is a very loving savior.They helped me where and when I needed help.I am going to let this be a lesson to me.It is a very hard lesson.I needed to find it to make sure that my wallet didn't fall into the wrong hands with identity theft running rampant nowadays.Thanks to my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything they've done.I truly appreciate what they did for me not only today,but every day.Thanks to them.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers.I also would still appreciate some spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words of support in the comments section.Thanks to y'all in advance for your help and support.

Tomorrow,it will be church as usual in the morning and for the evening's Christmas Eve candlelight service.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I got up and washed up real quickly.I then got dressed and headed for work.

The work day went well.After it was over,I stopped at the local Target to pick up something that I really needed.After that,I went over to a local supermarket to pick up something for dinner.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and checked my e-mail and after that,I vacuumed the rugs in the house and showered quickly afterwards.I then started to heat up my evening meal and relaxed while waiting for it to get done.I also checked out some videos online while doing so.

After my meal was finessed heating,I ate it and watched a few more videos online.I also did my personal PC work and after that was done,I did some online browsing for a while until I decided to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.

Tonight,I am still feeling sad by the state that I'm in.I have still been saying angry things to myself under my breath and there is nobody there in front of me.I don't know why I keep doing this.I feel so terribly depressed and down as a result of this thing that I have,or should I say problem that I have.I'm afraid that if this keeps up,people will be afraid to come up to me to talk to me.I want people to come near me and not be afraid of me.I want to stop doing this,but don't know how to go about doing it.I have been asking for helpful advice from y'all,but nobody has stepped up.I need help and I need some helpful advice on how I can stop this.This anger and rage burning within me is making me miserable.The angry things I've been saying under my breath are making me miserable.Again,if anyone can help,please help me.I'm crying out for help and reaching out for support,but so far,nothing.Please help me.Please pray that I find help and that I break free from this terrible thing that is depressing me and making me sad so much.Please pray for me.Please leave any helpful advice in the forms or spiritual upbuilding and encouraging words.I really need both of things real badly and seriously.Thanks to y'all and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

The holiday weekend starts tomorrow and I will have a four day weekend coming to me.I am planning to shop tomorrow and attend both church services on Sunday and the Christmas morning service on Christmas.I hope that this holiday weekend goes wonderfully for me.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up and washed up quickly.After that,I drank some coffee to try and wake up and after getting dressed,I headed for work.

The work day went as well as expected.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and after that,I headed out to a local church for a free dinner,which was wonderful.After that,I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things and got some gas at a local gas station.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I put the groceries away and shaved.I also showered after that and when I was finished,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.After that,I did some video watching on a few sites and did a little bit more personal PC work.I later retired for the evening as I was getting tired.A very good day overall.

Tonight,I am still feeling down and depressed over the issues that I have.My anger and rage issues have made me sad.I have been again saying terrible things in anger to myself under my breath and I don't know why.I have been saying really terrible things under my breath about my relatives and such.I don't know why I have been doing this,but I have been doing this for a long time.It always makes me feel miserable as these particular people have never done anything to me at all.I also really don't know any of these people in my family.I always feel miserable and ashamed of myself after I do this.I want to stop doing this.I want to stop saying angry things to myself under my breath.I am seeking answers/advice on how I can stop doing this.It's making me feel so miserable,sad,depressed and above all,I feel like the lowest on Earth as a result of this.I don't want to do this anymore as I am getting tired of saying these things in anger under my breath.If anyone can give me any answers or advice on how I can stop doing this,please share in the comments section.I need some positive support in the comments,such as encouraging words and/or spiritual upbuilding as I need both of these things real bad.I would greatly appreciate anything.Thanks for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is another work day and I hope that it all goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up and had coffee and also cleaned myself up.After that,I got dressed real quickly and headed for work.

The work day went well.There was also a small Christmas party in the staff break room,which was wonderful.After the day was over,I headed for a nearby post office to mail out some late Christmas cards and to get a money order.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a while and did my personal PC work.Since I had ate a lot of food today at work,I was still feeling full from what I ate there that I didn't eat anything at home.I simply settled into my routine at home and relaxed.I did personal PC work for a while until it was time for me to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.

I am feeling extremely tired tonight and I can barely type.I will share more about my struggles when I am feeling more able.In the meantime,please keep up praying for me and leaving me both encouraging words and spiritually upbuilding comments in the comments section.Thanks to all of you and Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is another work day and I am hoping that it all goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

This morning,I got up out of bed and washed up quickly.After a couple cups of coffee,I got dressed and headed for work.

The work day went well,though it was also stressful.After it was all over,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree to pick up a couple boxes of Christmas cards.After that,I headed for home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a while as I was really tired from my hard and stressful day.I also took the trash out to the curb.I then quickly did my personal PC work.I also posted a few comments in a few Facebook groups that I'm a member of.After that,I had a light evening meal as I wasn't very hungry.I did some more personal PC work.I later prepared for my evening retirement.A very good,but also stressful day overall.

In my last few posts,I have discussed my issues with anger,rage,trust and fear.For me,it was a very good unblocking posting all of these things and seeking advice form all of you.I will post more when I can about my struggles.Please continue praying for me.Please continue to leave me some positive verbal support in the forms of encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding as I need both of these things really bad.Thanks to y'all and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is another work day and I hope that all goes well for me.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I got up out of bed and had coffee.After my coffee,I washed up real quickly and got dressed to get ready for work,which I headed for.

The work day went well,though it was a little stressful.After it was over,I headed for home and while on the way,I stopped at a local 7-11 to pick up a sandwich for dinner and a packaged dill pickle,then headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I did my personal PC work and after that,when it was time,I ate the sandwich and dill pickle that I bought.After that,I did some more personal PC work.I later prepared for my evening retirement.A very good day overall.

I'm still yearning to break free from the anger that I feel.This anger that I feel is hurtful.I am also still saying terrible things under my breath and I want to stop doing that.I want to break free from all of these negative things and want to heal and transcend.I don't know how to do it.I want to do it,but need some advice on how to.If anyone has any ideas or advice,please share in the comments section.I am open to anything that can help me.I also ask for y'all to share what has worked for you and how it worked as maybe it could work for me.Please continue to pray for me and please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section,which can be either encouraging words or spiritual upbuilding things.Thanks to all of you and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that all goes well for me.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up and had coffee and washed up.I then dressed up in a suit and headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.

Both the class and the worship service were wonderful as always.I also read from the Holy Bible in front of the congregation today.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed for home.

On the way home,I stopped at a local McDonald's for a quick bite to eat.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I changed from my suit into casual clothes.I quickly did my personal PC work and decided to go out and get a few slices of pizza for lunch.After eating them,I went shopping at a local supermarket and picked up several groceries.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I put the groceries that I bought away and did some cleaning up around the house.After that,I relaxed and did some more personal PC work.I also had a light evening meal and did some more PC work.Later on,as it was getting late,I prepared for my evening retirement.A wonderful and eventful day overall.

Last night,I shared more about my emotional struggles,but I am still not getting any helpful advice from anyone.

I still have this intense anger and rage burning inside of me.I feel like a ticking bomb set to go off on impact.This anger and rage feels like a fire burning inside of me out of control.I just don't know what to do about these intense feelings burning within me.I still feel like I'm all alone at times,although I know that I'm not really alone.I also know that there are others who have the same struggles that I have and that they also have anger and rage issues as well.

However,there is one issue that I have kept hidden and that is the issue of trust.I am now admitting that I also have trust issues.Yes,I have issues with trust.

Why?

Because with my background as someone who has been used,abused in various ways and was the victim of bullying,I feel that there are certain people that I can't trust at all.Plus,with my religious background as following a cult for a short time in my early 20's,I was taught that those who were outside the cult couldn't be trusted.I was also the victim of relentless peer pressure to indulge in things that I wasn't comfortable with and when I wouldn't comply,I was called names and insulted.I was also made to look bad in front of others all because these people weren't getting their way with me.Like this one so called friend,he was a very promiscuous young man and when I refused to indulge in anything that he did,he made me the object of ridicule and wouldn't take me seriously as a person when I refused to do so.This affected the way that I trusted others and were contributors to my issues with trust.I was always afraid that he would try to set me up for a situation that I wouldn't have been able to escape from right away and that is why I put up a front that wasn't really me,which caused even further friction between him and I.Not only that,this particular guy was a narcissist.He always talked about himself.He would always brag about how much he was getting.How big he was and even rubbed my nose in his promiscuous lifestyle.I didn't bow down to his pressure nor did I follow him in his sexually active lifestyle mainly because I was afraid that I would turn out like him if I became promiscuous like he was.I didn't want to be like him as a result of his behavior and attitude and chose not to do so.There were also other young men that I knew that were the same way and that only made my issues with trust even worse.I still have issues with trusting others and I feel that this is hampering my healing and not getting me what I really need.

If anyone has any advice on how I can resolve these trust issues that I have,please share in the comments section.I need some helpful advice on how I can overcome and resolve these issues of trust that I have.I want to trust others,but feel trapped by the issues that I have with this particular area.Please help me.I need all the help that I can get.Thanks in advance for any help or advice offered.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that all goes well for me.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up and after washing up and getting dressed,I headed for work.

The work shift,which I had to make up for not working the afternoon on Tuesday,went well.After it was done,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed back out and had a bite to eat at a pizzeria in another area and after that,bought a bottle of windshield washer fluid and dumped it into my car's reservoir.I headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I relaxed for a while and did some more personal PC work.Later on,as it was getting late,I prepared for my evening retirement.A pretty good day overall.

For the last few days,I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride.I have been feeling sad and depressed one day/minute and feeling some happy feelings the next.But lately,I am still feeling the intense anger and rage that I have been feeling all of my life.I have said some really terrible things underneath my breath about certain people in my life,although they haven't done anything.I don't know why I'm feeling this way.The things I've said under my breath have been very atrocious and inappropriate.I don't know whether I'm coming or going.

I have also been struggling with SSA.I have given into sinful temptations quite a few times.It always makes me sad when I give into these things.On Thursday,after I was finished with a certain thing that I had to do at my work place,I went into the office,shut the door and asked my Heavenly Father for forgiveness and mercy in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I felt better,but I still need to work on repairing my relationship with my Heavenly Father as I haven't been really going to him lately as a result of the intense anger and rage that I feel.No,I'm not angry with my heavenly Father at all,but I have said some really angry things to myself lately and there's nobody in front of me as I'm saying these things.I feel so lousy as a result of all this emotionally tangled mess that I'm in because I feel that I'm sinning when I'm saying these angry things to myself.

I want to let go of these negative things and emotions,but I haven't been able to.

What am I doing wrong?

What is the right thing I need to do to let go?

I need some help fellow followers and readers.Please help me.Any advice is appreciated.

I want to let go and transcend.How can I do that?

Thanks in advance for anything helpful.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers.Please continue to leave me some encouraging words and spiritually upbuilding posts in the comments section.Thanks to all of you for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is church as usual.I hope that the day goes wonderfully well for me.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I got up and got ready for work.I headed out to work when fully dressed.

The work day went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and did some snow shoveling.I also went out to a local 7-11 and bought a few things.I headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I had a light evening meal and I did my personal PC work before retiring for the evening.A very good day overall.

I will post some things in regards to my struggles hopefully tomorrow.I am feeling tired right now.Please continue keeping me in your prayers.Please continue to leave me some encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding in the comments section.Thanks to all of you and Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a day where I have to make up hours I didn't work Tuesday due to my doctor's appointment.I hope that all goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up and washed up.After a couple cups of coffee,I headed for work.

The work day went well,though it was a little stressful.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and I headed back out again to a local church for a free dinner,which was wonderful.After picking up a few things at the local Super Wal-Mart and getting some gas,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I changed into pajamas and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I did a little cleaning work in the house and washed a few dishes.I did some more personal PC work before preparing to retire for the evening.A very good,but a little stressful,day overall.

I am feeling extremely tired tonight and I can barely type.I only ask you all that you please continue to keep me in your prayers and please leave me some positive encouraging words and some spiritual upbuilding as I really need both of these things right now.Thanks to all of you and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that the day goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today was a work day,which went well.After that,I headed for home.

When I got home,I relaxed and did some of my personal PC work.After that,I left the house to pick up a few things at the drug store and at a local 7-11.I headed straight home.

When I got home,I ate a light meal and I did some more personal PC work before preparing to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.

Tonight,I am extremely tired as my medication is kicking in.Please continue praying for me and please leave me some encouraging support and spiritual upbuilding in the comments section.Thanks for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that it goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up and washed up.I also had coffee and after getting dressed,I headed for work.

The half work day went well.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I showered quickly to clean up and after that,I headed for my doctor's appointment.

On the way there,I stopped at the local Denny's to have lunch,which was a breakfast dish.After that,I paid a much needed bill at the local city hall and hung out for a few minutes with a few people that I know.After that,I headed for my doctor's office.

The visit with the doctor went better than expected.They said that my blood pressure was good and that my heart rate was good.After that was over,I stopped at a nearby McDonald's for a cup of coffee and a few hash browns.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I changed clothes and helped out with some clean-up work in the house.After that,I had a light evening meal and I did my personal PC work.I later prepared for my evening retirement.A pretty good and somewhat eventful day overall.

Tonight,my head is hurting and I can barely write.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section,which is encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding that I really need.Thanks very much and Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that all goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up and washed up real quickly and got dressed.I headed for work as it was a work day for me today.

The work day was pretty hectic in the afternoon.It was easier in the morning,but the afternoon was tough.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,there were a couple of workers working on one of the rooms upstairs in the house.They left over an hour after I gad gotten home.During this time,I quickly did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed out to a local supermarket to pick up some coffee and headed to a nearby Burger king for a sandwich and onion rings.I headed straight home afterwards.

When I got home,I cleaned myself a little and shaved.I did more personal PC work and prepared to retire for the evening.A very hectic and stressful day overall.

Please continue to pray for me as I am still struggling terribly right now.I also would appreciate some positive encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding in the comments section.Thanks for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day in the morning and a visit with my general doctor in the afternoon.I hope that both go well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I got up and washed up and shaved quickly.I then got dressed up in a suit and headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.

Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.After that,I ran a few errands that I needed to run and after that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I showered and cleaned the bathroom after that.I also had a light evening meal and I did some more personal PC work.I later retired for the evening.A wonderful and eventful day overall.

I am feeling really tired tonight.I can barely type and my head is hurting.Please continue praying for me.Please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks to all of you and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that it goes very well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I got up to wash my hair and get dressed.I had to head for work today to make up three hours I didn't work on Wednesday due to my seeing my therapist.

The short make-up went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I did some cleaning up around the yard of the house and packed everything in big garbage bags.When that was done,I went on an errand to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I had a light evening meal and I did my personal PC work.I also watched a little TV.I later retired for the evening.A pretty fair day overall.

Please continue praying for me and please leave me some encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding in the section.My head is hurting me bad.I will hopefully share more tomorrow.Thanks again.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I got up and washed up quickly.After a couple of coffee,I got dressed and headed for work.

The work day went a little bit better than yesterday.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I did a little bit of cleaning in the house and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I simply relaxed for a while and had a light evening meal.I also did some more personal PC work.I later retired for the evening.A very good day overall.

I am still struggling terribly with fantasies and lusting.I don't know whether I'm coming or going.I am still seeking Christian counseling,but haven't found any yet.I will keep on searching for a Christian counselor until I find one.I still need to learn how to let got of past anger,rage and trauma issues.I could still use some helpful advice from all of you.

How did all of you learn to let go of past anger,rage and trauma issues?

Maybe what you all learned can work for me.Please share any helpful advice.Thanks.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section,which can be both encouraging words and spiritually upbuilding posts.Thanks.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I washed up quickly,got dressed and headed for work.

The work day was hectic.It went okay through the morning,but the afternoon was when the hectic stuff began.

I work as a janitor for a drug/alcohol rehab facility.The first thing to happen was a guy singing a song with the line "I need another cigarette"Later on,another guy,who was checking out and was waiting for a ride,accused me falsely of saying "Heroin" under my breath,which I didn't.I even told the guy he was mistaken,but he kept trying to argue with me that I said it,though I didn't.Fortunately,my fellow colleagues helped me out and told this particular guy to shut up.After some time,I managed to calm down and finish what I started around that time and did my last job of the day within the time frame.After it was over,I headed straight home and after a while,I changed clothing a little bit and I headed for a local church for a free dinner.After some shopping at 7-11,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I showered and did my personal PC work.I later retired for the evening.A pretty hectic day overall.

Tonight,my head is hurting me again.Please continue praying for me.Please continue to leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I need some encouragement and spiritual upbuilding and you can leave all of that in the comments section.

Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that it will be better than today.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up and washed up real quick,had a couple cups of coffee and got dressed.I headed for work.

The half a day at work went well.I headed over to my therapist's office for a session.I had a lot to talk with her about what had been happening with me over the last month.

The meeting with my therapist went as well as expected.After it was over,I had lunch at a nearby restaurant.After that,I bought myself an egg nog milkshake at a nearby McDonald's.After that,I was hoping to go to the public library,but when the snow got too intense,I decided to head straight home instead.

When I got home,I did some dishes and also cleaned around the kitchen after doing so.I also did some vacuuming.After that,I had a light evening meal and I did my personal PC work.Later on,as it was getting late,I prepared to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.

I really need some helpful advice.I haven't begun to let go of the anger and rage that is burning within me.This anger and rage has been burning within me for a long time.As I shared in previous posts,it's the way that I've been feeling towards my father,my paternal grand-mother,those who sexually used and abused me for their pleasure,the lies and deceit that I suffered while part of a religious cult for only two brief years and those who bullied me and called me names.This anger and rage burns really terribly and I would love to simply let it go,but I don't know how.It's easier to hang on to these negative emotions and feelings,but it's so difficult to let them go.I want to,but don't know how to go about it.I was also the victim of trauma all through my life.The trauma was caused by my father and his legalistic ways and his physical and emotional abuse of me.The rape that I endured when I was 16 years of age by a man who lived in my neighborhood.It was also being used and abused by various guys for their own pleasure and the near death experience I had when I was chased into the path of two cars when I was 17 years of age and the painful healing process that went with it.I want to let go,heal and transcend,but simply don't know how.I have held on to these things for so long that it has gotten very difficult for me to let it all go.

At times,I also have very strange and bad dreams at times.I really can't go into detail as to what happens to them because many of them are way too terrible to talk about.Some of these dreams are also very strange.At times,I see wild animals in my dreams.I don't know why,but I do.In one dream I had,I walked and saw a baby elephant who actually talked to me.There are also others where I keep walking and walking,but get nowhere.I even had one weird dream where I was sitting in a chair and the phone rang.The voice-mail came on and it was the voice of my deceased next door neighbor.This dream actually woke me up out of a deep sleep.I've even had dreams where I hung myself in an abandoned location and nobody was there to see.These dreams have also woke me up out of a deep sleep.One night,I had a dream where I was swimming to try to get to shore,but the shore kept getting farther and farther away the closest I got to the shore.I can't even understand these dreams nor do I know why I have them.

My fellow readers,please continue to keep me in your prayers.I need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section.I need both encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding.I need all the verbal support and spiritual upbuilding that I can get.Thanks to all of you for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that the day goes well for me.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I went to work and though the day was well,it was also a little hectic.I headed straight home after it was all over.

When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy.I also did my personal PC work.

After a while,I went back out to get a sandwich for dinner.After I got home,I ate it and did some more personal PC work.I later retired for the evening.A very good,but a little hectic,day overall.

Tonight,my head is hurting me and I am really tired.I can't really post anything in regards to my struggles as my head is hurting me terribly.Please keep me in your prayers and leave me some encouraging word in the comments section.Thanks to all of you and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is work in the morning and my therapist in the early afternoon.I hope that both go well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today was a work day.It went well,though it was also hectic.I had to repeatedly tell the clientele at the place where i work the same old rules and such.They simply weren't listening too much.I was finally glad when it was all over when I punched out and headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a while and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I showered quickly and headed out to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things and I headed straight home.

When I got home,I had a light evening meal and I did some more personal PC work.I also did a little vacuuming in the house.Later on,I prepared to retire for the evening.A very good,but also hectic,day overall.

Please pray that I make the move to seek Christian counseling.Please pray that I don't procrastinate.I need to seek it.I also really need it.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section,which can be both words of encouragement and spiritual upbuilding.Thanks for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that it goes better than today.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up and after cleaning up,I got dressed up real quick and I headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.

Both the class and the worship service were wonderful,with the fellowship after the service being equally wonderful.I headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I changed into casual clothes and quickly did my personal PC work.After that,I did some vacuuming in the house and went back out to get a few slices of pizza for a late lunch.After that,I headed back home to pick up a bagful of empty plastic water bottles at a local supermarket.After that,I did some shopping and when I was finished,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I put the groceries that I bought away and I showered quickly.I also washed my face and shaved after that.I also prepared my evening meal and after I ate it,I did some more personal PC work.As the evening was winding down,I prepared to retire for the evening.A wonderful and eventful day overall.

Last night,I posted that I am seeking Christian therapy and maybe it would help me with my struggles and also,to get me on the right track to healing and to find affirming relationships with other men.As I said,I simply want to be one of the guys in a healthy and authentic social setting.I want nothing sexual as sexual activity between two members of the same gender is wrong and sinful.I know that there are those who will disagree with that,but that's their choice to do so.I am hoping that by tomorrow or during the week,I will be making that step to make that phone call to make an appointment with a Christian counselor,especially that particular pastor that I've been meaning to call.I am hoping that this gets me finally on the path that I really need to get on and finally attain the healing that I so need to set me back on track.Please pray for me that I will make that decision and that I finally get what I need to finally have real healing and real affirmations that I need so much to get me on the right path.Please continue to keep me in your prayers.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section and again,please make it in the form of encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding as I really need both of these things.Thanks to y'all for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is the start of the new work week and I hope that the first day goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up in the mid morning and worked on my personal PC work.I had to stop it for a while to drop my grand-niece off at work.After that,I went straight home to finish it.

I then took a quick shower to clean up and I watched a few YouTube videos.After that,I went back out to do a few things I needed to do.

I turned in some bottles at a local bottle and can return center.I then headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to buy a few things that I needed.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and watched a couple more YouTube videos.I then had a light evening meal and I did some more personal PC work.

I then headed out to a local 7-11 to buy a couple more things and headed straight home once I was done.

When I got home,I relaxed and did some more personal PC work and later prepared to retire for the evening.A pretty good day overall.

Two nights ago,I shared that I was trying to seek out healthy and affirming relationships with other men and how I was failing.Well,a close friend of mine and blog follower gave me some helpful advice that I truly appreciated.It was upbuilding in a friendly, loving and spiritual way.It was also loving advice that I also needed.It made me wake up that I need to work on my relationship with my Heavenly Father mostly than with other humans.While my therapy is doing well,I also need to seek out Christian therapy as this might help me get back on the right track and help me in my working on and with my relationship with my Heavenly Father.I have to start that right now and hopefully,I will feel better in the long run.

I've been wanting to seek Christian therapy and counseling for a long time,but keep procrastinating.I think that I'm scared to seek it or maybe I am not too sure about it.We just had a new pastor fill in the previous pastor's spot in my church and he seems nice.I've been meaning to ask him if he'd like to meet with me for something,but have been too fearful of it or not knowing how I should ask.I have also been meaning to call this other pastor that I know,but again,the same fears and uncertainty have been coming upon me and I procrastinate even further.I don't know how to go about this and I also don't know what to expect or anticipate.I don't know what could be wrong with me.I want to seek and pursue this,but my fears and uncertainty keep coming back.I am thinking of making this step maybe tomorrow or Monday.Please pray that I make this step and that I can get the right Christian therapy and counseling.Your prayers mean a lot to me and also,please continue to leave me some positive and encouraging words in the comments section,which includes more spiritually upbuilding comments.Thanks to y'all for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is church as usual.I hope to get a lot out of it and learn to live by the lessons learned.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,i went to work and after it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a while and did a little bit of my personal PC work.

Later on,I went out to get a sandwich for dinner and a few other needed things.I headed for home and when I got there,I did some vacuuming in the house.

I ate my dinner and did some more personal PC work.I later retired for the evening.A very good day overall.

I will start posting more about my struggles tomorrow as I am feeling tired and my head is hurting.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and please leave me some encouraging and spiritually upbuilding words.Thanks to all of you.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

The weekend is here and with the exception of church on Sunday,I have nothing planned.But I hope that I get positive benefits out of something I do.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I went to work and it went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I did some checking up on my messages online and after that,I shaved quickly and headed out to a local church for a free dinner.After eating,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and quickly did my personal PC work.I also showered quickly and prepared for my evening retirement.A very good day overall.

Lately,I haven't been posting very much in regards to my struggles.But I want to share another struggle that I have.It is in regards to my struggles with SSA,but only in another area.I am still trying to gain and find healthy and authentic relationships with fellow men.However,I have been striking out big time in my pursuit of these sorts of relationships.I have tried many means to try and gain these,but I'm failing.When I used to go out to hang out with some guys,I would give them my phone number and my home address for them to call me and arrange for get together's.But they never called me nor did they even offer anything in that regard.This has been frustrating me.I have been striking out in my pursuit of these sorts of healthy relationships where I can relate,identify and connect with other men.I simply want and need healthy and affirming relationships with other guys where the only real benefits are friendship,closeness,bonding and just being one of the guys.However,as I said,I've been striking out big time and it's not only frustrating me,but is also making me feel sad.It also makes me feel lonely.This is also making my SSA struggles worse.

I hate that I struggle with this terrible emotional condition.

I hate having these unnatural desires that go with this terrible struggle.

I also have a psychological sexual dysfunction problem as a result of this and also,all the sexual abuse that I suffered endured,alongside the religious/spiritual abuse that I suffered and endured at an early part of my life as a young man.I'm still feeling the effects of both of these abuses and I don't know if I will ever fully recover from it all.I have been in therapy all throughout my life as a result of all of this.I simply want to heal and recover from this terrible thing that I struggle with.The thing is that nobody wants to really help me.I feel all alone and it's making me feel really sad and depressed.I get hit with spells of the blues when least expected.I've been taking my medication and continuing my therapy,but these spells still hit.

I need more than just therapy and medication.I need to have healthy affirming relationships.I need to find myself in this terrible,cruel and mad world.I want to be accepted by other guys as I am,faults and all.I am hoping to find and have these types of relationships soon.If anyone can give me any good advice,please do so.Thanks.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers.Please continue to leave me some encouraging and spiritually upbuilding words in the comments section.Thanks to all of you.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is another work day and I hope that all goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I went to work and the work day went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I put some stuff in the garage and after that,I helped with a little cleaning in the house.After that,I went back out to the drug store to pick up my prescription and after that,I headed over to a local Dollar General store to pick up a few things.I headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I cleaned the bathroom and after that was done,I headed over to a local 7-11 to buy a sandwich.I headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I relaxed and ate my sandwich.I also did my personal PC work.After that,I planned for my evening retirement as the evening was winding down.A very good day overall.

Tonight,I am feeling a little tired.My psychiatric medication kicks in when least expected and right now,it is.Please continue to keep me in your prayers.Please continue to encourage me with encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding.Thanks to y'all and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I went to work and the work day went well.After it was over,I headed Straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a while and took it easy as I was beat.

I had a light evening meal and I did my personal PC work before preparing for my evening retirement as I was tired.A very good day overall.

Right now,my head is starting to hurt terribly and I can't think straight.I will start posting a little more tomorrow.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and please leave some encouraging and spiritually upbuilding words in the comments section.Thanks to all of you and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

I went to work today and it went well.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and did my personal PC work.

Later on,I had a light evening meal and did some more personal PC work.I also helped in putting up a Christmas tree in the house.A very good day overall.

I will start talking about my struggles again when I can.I am just too tired right now and I need my rest.Please continue praying for me and please continue leaving me some positive encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding in the comments section.Thanks.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.

Today,I woke up in the early morning and I cleaned up real quickly.After that,I got dressed up in a suit and I went to church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.

Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.I also went out and had lunch at a local pizzeria.I headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I relaxed for a while again and I did some more personal PC work.Later on,as it was getting late,I prepared to retire for the evening.A wonderful and eventful day overall.

Please continue praying for me.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section.I will start talking more about my struggles tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I woke up in the mid morning and had my coffee.I did my personal PC work and later on,I got dressed,washed my hair and shaved.I then headed out to run a few errands.After they were done,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and had a light evening meal.I did some more personal PC work.I later prepared for my evening retirement as I was very tired.A pretty fair day overall.

I will share more stuff hopefully after the weekend.I still need prayerful and positive verbal support in the comments section.My only thing tomorrow is church in the morning.Thanks to all of you for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.

Today,i woke up in the early to mid morning and I had my usual coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and after that,I showered and shaved.After that,I got dressed and paid a bill that needed to be paid.After that,I went home to pick up a few things and I headed back out.

Since it was Black Friday today,I went thrift shop hopping and bought a pair of second hand jeans.After that,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and did more personal PC work.I also went back out to get something to eat.I headed for home.

When I got home,I ate what I bought for dinner and also had a few snacks.I did some more personal PC work and when I was getting sleepy,I retired for the evening.A pretty good day overall.

I will post more about my struggles soon.All I ask is that y'all continue praying for me and also,leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section in the forms of encouraging words and spiritually upbuilding.FJ

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my readers who are living in the USA.

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues onward.

Today,I woke up in the morning and had my coffee and I did my personal PC work.I later showered and did some vacuuming in the house.

Later on,in the early afternoon,I went over to my nephew's house for a wonderful dinner and after that,I went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things.I headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I changed into pajamas and I did some more personal PC work.Later on,I retired for the evening as I was really tired.A wonderful and eventful day overall.

I will post more about my struggles after the holiday.The only thing that I ask is that you all continue praying for me and continue to leave me some encouraging words and spiritually upbuilding posts.Thanks to all of you and Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

As for the rest of the holiday weekend,I have no plans,but I hope that it all goes well for me.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today was a work day,which went okay.After it was over,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy while doing my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed out to get a few things at the local Super Wal-Mart and a small thing at a local Dollar Tree.I headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I relaxed and had my evening meal.I also did some more personal PC work.I later prepared to retire for the evening.a very good day overall.

I will post some more things after the Thanksgiving holiday.I will report about how the holiday went for me tomorrow and hopefully by Friday,I will post more.

Please continue praying for me.Please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section,which can be words of encouragement and spiritual upbuilding.Thanks to all of you and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today was a work day and it went okay.After it was over,I headed for home and relaxed for a bit while doing my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed out to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things for dinner and after that,I went to a local Dollar Tree to pick up one more thing before heading back home.

When I got home,I showered and cleaned the bathtub.I then had my evening meal and I did a little vacuuming.I also did some more personal PC work,which included some recommended Holy Bible reading.I later prepared for my evening retirement.A very good day overall.

In my last blog posts,I talked about being sexually abused in both physical and verbal senses.It wasn't grand nor pretty being sexually abused in any of these cases.As I said,sexual abuse can be the ultimate brainwash and make people think differently about themselves,especially if they've been abused in a Homosexual/Gay way by another man,such as myself.As i also said,I'm still recovery and I don't know if I'll ever fully recover,but only time will tell.

I will now talk about spiritual abuse.Yes,I too was abused in a spiritual sense.First,my father who claimed to be "Christian" physically and emotionally abused me.He also forcefully tried to indoctrinate me into believing his agenda.The thing is that I didn't believe in this sort of thing that he believed in.At that time,I was still a child and didn't really have a set or system of beliefs at that time.Though my mother rescued me,it was already too late as the damage was already done and I suffered a lot more abuse when I was rejected by my fellow peers and wasn't accepted.Then,when I was in my early 20's,I endured more spiritual abuse at the hands of the religious cult that I followed for two brief years.They too forcefully tried to indoctrinate me.Though I was enthusiastic and zealous for what I was learning from them,it all died when I was the victim of lies and other things,especially when someone poked their nose in my business in regards to things that I wrote in notebooks that I had written in and was the victim of false accusations and misunderstandings.Though I pleaded my innocence and tried to tell them that it wasn't what they thought,my pleas fell on death ears and that drove me away.I haven't followed them for twenty-three years,though I did almost rejoin nearly eight years later,I changed my mind when I heard about them hiding and protecting child molesters from authorities and doing nothing to protect their victims.This really angered me as how can they tell me that sexual activity out of wedlock is wrong,but condone pedophilia.Plus,since I too was the victim of a pedophile at three separate intervals of my life,this only made me even more angry.Thank goodness that I no longer follow any cults and have now found a wonderful Christian spiritual home.I made that a lesson learning experience about jumping on bandwagons without doing research first.I also now help other victims of that particular cult and it does make me feel a little good.

I still need prayers by every one of you.Please continue praying for me and also,please don't forget to post something encouraging and spiritually upbuilding in the comments section.Thanks to y'all and Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that it goes well.After that,a four day holiday weekend that I will so truly need after some hectic days over the last few weeks.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today,I went to work and the work day went pretty well.After it was over,I headed straight home and I took my grand-niece to work.After that,I did a little bit of shopping at the local Super Wal-Mart and bought a small thing at a local Dollar Tree.I headed straight home after that.

When I got home,I did some dishes and cleaned up a little bit.I did my personal PC work.After that,I showered quickly and ate a light evening meal.After that,I did a little bit more personal PC work.I later retired for the evening.A very good day overall.

In the last two posts,I shared that I was sexually abused by other guys,both physically and verbally.I was used and abused by other guys for their own pleasure and I endured a lot of verbal abuse by being inundated by repeated sexual innuendos by other guys.I was also harassed by many guys when they kept repeatedly bothered me to have sex with members of the opposite gender,but refused due to the teachings of a religious cult,which is what I will discuss here right now.

When I was in my early 20's,I jumped on the bandwagon of a religious cult.I abandoned my previous church affiliation to do so as per their requirement.I was planning to make this a lifelong commitment,but I dropped out after only two brief years.At first,I was love bombed by many in the cult,but after that first year passed,it all stopped.I became the victim of lies when a few young ladies made up stories about me to their elders and though I proclaimed my innocence repeatedly,they took the young ladies words over mine.I was also the victim of relentless criticisms by my last study conductor and that made me feel worse.He lambasted me repeatedly.When I appealed to him to lay off of me and let me work on one thing at a time,he simply refused to do so.He also saw notebooks of things that I wrote and he even severely criticized me for that as well.He was always on my case and never laid off.He didn't care whether he was hurting my feelings by his relentless criticisms of me.They taught me that sex out of wedlock was wrong and sinful,but eight years after drooping out,I learned that they condone pedophilia.They simply hide and protect the child predators and do little if nothing top help their victims.They also forbid their followers to get the proper authorities involved and to leave them handle it and put it "in the Lord's hands". The thing is that this made me angry because I too am a victim of child sex abuse in my own right and I know the pain and the hurt that goes with being abused in that way.How can they teach that sex is strictly for married people,but condone the evil of pedophilia?This really made me angry.I too am a victim of child sex abuse and I know the pain that goes with it.I also know the hurt that goes with it.I am still in healing from it and I am hoping to fully recover.

I still need prayerful support from y'all.I also still need some positive verbal support from y'all.I need both encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding.Thanks to all of you and Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that it all goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today was a day to go to church.I went to church and both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service were wonderful.Though they were,we did have a couple of men who had to be taken to the hospital,which was the only setback.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I did some much needed cleaning work in the house and when that was finished,I quickly did my personal PC work.When that was finished,I went out to a local Denny's for lunch and did some shopping at a few stores.I headed straight home when I was done.

When I got home,I did some more cleaning up and I ate my evening meal.I also did some more personal PC work.I relaxed for the rest of the evening and did some more PC work before preparing to retire for the evening.A wonderful and eventful day overall.

In my last post,I shared that I was sexually abused by other guys,including a rape episode that happened to me when I was 16 years old.This was sexual abuse in a physical and psychological sense.It messed me up and confused me as to what it was.To put it a better way,I was brainwashed by the sexual abuse and that is where the confusion and messing me up was instigated.I learned the hard way that sexual abuse can be the ultimate brainwash as it can make you think and feel some thing(s) that isn't/aren't legit.It made me think that I was "Homosexual/Gay" and that is what my purpose in the world was,but I later learned that it was wrong and that the acts themselves were wrong.Good thing I woke up and started to distance myself from that terrible and destructive life before I wound up with something that I wouldn't want.

Now,I want to share another type of sexual abuse that I endured.It was verbal sexual abuse.I was called very sexist type names when I was growing up.Most of these was when I wouldn't give people what they wanted in a sexual sense.No,it wasn't refusing to give them sexual favors,but there were a few of those that did happen.I was called names like "faggot", "Homo", "dickhead",(reference to oral sex), "fag whore", "fag slut" and "male bitch" as a result of my refusal to fool around with sexual stuff when I was studying the bible with a religious group that turned out to be nothing more than a cult.They taught me man-made doctrines and twisted Holy Bible scripture around to emotionally manipulate and brainwash me into believing that they were "THE only true Christian congregation/organization on Earth." I suffered verbal sexual abuse repeatedly during my life growing up and into adulthood and I never heard the end of it.At one time,I was disowned by a friend all because I refused to indulge in sinful activity with a prostitute,although this so called "Friend" was footing the bill.This only made this worse as the name calling continued and that I was rejected as a result of this guy not getting what he wanted from me.These things still plague my mentality and I would like for that not to anymore.I don't know how to go about stopping these things from plaguing my mind.If anyone can offer any advice,please share in the comments section.I also still need both prayerful and positive verbal support as well.Thanks to all of you and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is the start of another work week.I hope that the day goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.

Today was a day that I had to make up the time I didn't work Thursday due to an appointment with my therapist,however,it was rescheduled and I only learned about it when I arrived at the office.I managed to get a lot done within the few hours that I worked and after dropping off some free newspapers at other people's places,I bought a sandwich and fries at a local Arby's and after eating them there,I headed straight home.

When I got home,I simply relaxed and did my personal PC work.I also listened to a little music online and watched a video in one of the groups that I'm a member of.After that,I helped my sister out with putting away some groceries and relaxed a little more.After she left to get together with a few of her friends,I headed back out to a local supermarket to buy a can of soup and a fee healthy snacks before heading straight home.

When I got home,I heated up the can of soup and also made a sandwich,which was my evening meal.I then cleaned the dishes and relaxed while doing some more personal PC work.I later retired for the evening as I was getting sleepy.A very good day overall.

In the last few blog posts,I shared some really deep and serious stuff in regards to my growing up and all the abuse that I suffered at the hands of my father,the non-acknowledgement of my paternal grandmother,the bullying that I endured as a result of my being in special education due to the aforementioned emotional problems that I had that were caused by the legalistic abuse at the hands of my father and my own paternal grandmother ignoring me.I also shared my near death experience,which happened at the hands of some of those bullies who chased me into the path of two oncoming cars,but I managed to survive and live to tell about it. All the name calling and insults that I endured at the hand of bullies and also,all the threats that I received and those jerks telling me all the time that "Satan's gonna get you!" and even the violence that I endured at the hands of the bullies.The harassment is another thing I endured.These things really messed me up and again,it's why I have the emotional,mental and SSA issues that I have now.The SSA struggle that I have is even more difficult as a result of my mental health issues with the Schizo-Affective Disorder that I have and that makes this particular struggle for me even more difficult.

Now,I am going to go into the other abuse that I endured when I was younger.I was also sexually abused when I was a child.The first instance was when I was 7 years old when a man who lived in my neighborhood invited me into his house and masturbated in front of me when he tricked me into coming to the bathroom in his house,but for a long time,I had forgotten about this until it came back to me in a dream when I was seeking therapy for sexual abuse,which is when I remembered it all too well.There was also another instance when I was 10 years old.At that age, a 16 year old boy who I hadn't met before until that day i met him,talked me into performing oral sex on him,which I did.He taught me how to do it and all that.After that instant,I actually became confused and thought that maybe this is what guys do.The worst instance was when I was 16 years old,when a man who lived in my neighborhood,raped me.He lured me into his house and made me get naked with him.He even gave me alcohol and then,he lured me to his bed and he tried to ram his private parts up my rectum without using a condom and it really hurt me terribly.I was almost on the verge of crying when this happened,but held back the tears.He did grow tired of my wincing in pain and pulled his genitalia out of me.He then said that if I told anyone,he would deny it and say that I was lying.I kept it hush-hush all of that time and didn't reveal it until I sought sexual abuse therapy where I could talk about this and the others in a private and confidential setting without fear of being found out.There were also other instances where other young men used me for their pleasure as they always talked me into performing oral sex on them.There were times that I would refuse,but the minute the released their genitals to me,I gave in and performed the oral sex activity on them.I admit that there were times that they asked and I obliged because I wanted to,but most of the time,I was being made to do it whenever they released their genitals from the bounds of their pants and I gave into doing it.I also had numerous encounters with men over the years where I would join in their perverted and twisted pleasures.While it made me feel good for a while,it made me feel empty yet again when the good feelings disappeared.But again,I simply went and did the same old things again with the same old men and again,the same emptiness would return.All in all,it made me a very confused mess within my mind and as a result of all of these things,I suffer from psychological dysfunction and the SSA that I currently struggle with.I am still in recovery and I don't know if I will ever fully recover.I am still seeking the right therapy,but mostly,I would like for it to be spiritual and encouraging.I haven't found anything yet of that sort,but I'm still seeking and hoping to find it.

The thing is this;I am trying to find healthy and authentic relationships with other guys.I am looking for friendships,bonding and to just be one of the guys.I am a guy myself.It has been a struggle trying to find affirming healthy and authentic relationships of this sort,but I still remain hopeful and hoping that one day,I can find these things.

I am also still hoping to find a way where I can let go and transcend the feelings of anger and rage and also,all the trauma issues from my years growing up.I am hoping that one day,I can find the right spiritual counseling where I can find release from these and get more out of my life.I feel that these things are preventing me from discovering the real healing that I so truly need.If anyone can help me,please share some encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding in the comments section of my blog.Thanks to all of you and Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is church and I am hoping to get a lot out of it and hopefully,the day will also be wonderful.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.

Today was a work day and it went well.After it was over,I headed for home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did a little bit of cleaning work in the house.
Later on,after my evening meal,I did my personal PC work.I relaxed for a while and just reflected on the day and how well the work day was.I did some more personal PC work and then,retired for the evening as I was getting tired.A very good day overall.

In my SSA struggles,I talked about the abuse that I suffered at the hands of my father and my paternal grandmother's refusal to acknowledge me as her grandson.I would like to add that before my father did his negative handiwork on me when I was a boy,I had no emotional problems.I felt no pull of any sort towards other boys.I did have crushes on a few older ladies and such.I also did like girls as well in some ways and saw that they were cool.However,as I have shared that when I was between the age of 8-9 years old,that is when my father took me away from my mother and laid his negative handiwork on me.He made me a young man full of anger and rage that continues to burn within me to this day.Even my mother's boyfriend at the time angrily asked my father during the bitter custody battle that followed between my mother and father "What did you do to that boy to make him like that?" and my father answered him very nastily "I gave that boy good old fashioned Christian discipline."Of course,it was Legalism as I learned years later.He deprived me of things that I enjoyed and took away a lot of things that I cherished.He made me a slave in his own house and wouldn't let me have what I had when I was with my mother.I really didn't need my father in my life as I had quite a few positive male role models that were pointing me in the right direction and I was happier.His so called "Christian discipline" ruined me and made me the emotional,confused and mental wreck that I am.I still seek healing and I will continue to seek healing until I get it.Plus,my father deprived me of things I enjoyed,such as the TV shows I liked,the music I liked and imposed his own thing on me.The only music allowed was Gospel music and anything related to it and only Christian based shows instead of the things I enjoyed.

I also want to bring up something else that came to my mind today.This came to my mind while I was on my lunch hour at work.There was another thing that my father did to me that also added to how I feel and the intense anger and rage that goes along with it.My father also never let me get involved in extracurricular activities after school.I wanted to get involved with these things as I did when I was still living with my mother.My father wouldn't let me do anything I wanted to do.Not only that,I was always invited to birthday parties and get together's with other kids from school,but again,my father would never let me go to these things.His reason or excuse,depending on the point of view of others,was because of my "unChristian behavior".I mean,what "unChristian behavior"?This is yet another case where showing emotion got me punished as when I showed how I felt about his constant refusal to let me do anything that I wanted to do,I got punished.I got so mad and angry that I slammed the door every time this would happen,but again,for showing one ounce of emotion,I was punished severely and after he would slap me around with anything he could pick up,he would then say "That unChristian behavior is what I am talking about! That is something a two year old would do when they don't get their way!"He would always say "like a two year old" constantly whenever I expressed anything on how I felt.I was still a mere child back then as I was 8 and later 9 years of age.Is saying that "Only a two year old would do something like that" a mere stereotype.I want to know.Please answer this question for me.Thanks.

There is another area that I would like to talk about that contributed to my SSA and other emotional,and mental,issues.I was also the target of bullies in school.I was bullied by many kids when I was going to school.I was called names,such as retard,retarded,freakazoid,freaky boy,psycho and just plain freak.I was also the target of threats from these bullies.They not only threatened me with violence,but also threatened my life as well many times.This was because of my being in special education starting with the fourth grade and was in special ed until graduation.I was also harassed by many kids and no matter how many times I demanded them to "Leave me alone",they wouldn't.They kept harassing me by not only threatening me,but threw rocks at me,called me names and even pushed me against the wall many times.When I was a freshman in high school,many jerks and meanies would say things like; "Satan's gonna get you! Watch out,Satan's gonna get you!"Though it was half heartedly,I would always respond by saying "Not if the lord and savior Jesus Christ has anything to say or do about it."Of course, they would laugh wickedly at this thinking that it was a joke.One tough guy tried to strangle me to death,but his girlfriend and a couple of his other friends pulled him away.I was also the target of all sorts of violence by the bullies and anyone that they could get to join them in their assaults of me.I suffered this so much and the worst part of it was the school administrators did little if nothing to stop the bullying.I was the one getting into trouble for being bullied while the bullies got off scot free or got a slap on the wrist.It was like the bullies were the ones running the school and the administrators who were supposed top be the ones enforcing the rules were simply sitting on their butts letting it happen.This was terrible as I went through it most of my academic life.I could never be the student I could've been as a result of being in special ed,being the target of bullies and also,most of the bullies and tough guys were in the same classroom as I was,which made it really tough.Not only that,when I was 17,I nearly lost my life when I was chased into the path of two cars one night.I was struck by one and run over and dragged by the second.I could've died if it weren't for a passer-by getting into the street and signifying the driver who was dragging me to stop,which he did,but I was seriously injured and the doctors who operated on me didn't give me a good chance of survival as a result and the extent of my injuries.However,I pulled through and lived to tell about it as it is a night that is still locked in my mind.Though I did start having friends after that and I had a wonderful senior year,whose memories I still cherish to this day.Still,being bullied and threatened by the bullies who bullied me around were another contributor to my SSA struggles,alongside my mental and other emotional problems.It was like that I was reliving what my own father did to me because their bullying me was no different than the abusive ways that my father unleashed upon me during the brief time I spent with him when I was between the age of 8-9 years of age.All of that made my anger and rage worse as there were times I imagined them getting their due for all of the terrible things they did to me.Believe me,I really thought of some terrible things that I wished would happen to them as a result of their terrible things that they did to me.Of course,it was wrong of me to even imagine these things,but that was the way that I felt at the time.Again,I learned that imagining these things was as wrong as the bullying that they did to me and I later stopped doing that.It also showed me that it was no different than what they did to me.Again,my school years did end on a positive note,though I still remember all the bullying and threats that I received during the vast majority of my school years.I did further my education a little in the years after graduation,but I now have a wonderful job that I'm proud of and where I'm very much appreciated.

Still,I need prayerful support and also,I still need some positive verbal encouragement and spiritual upbuilding.Thanks for your support.Thanks also to both my heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is the start of the weekend.I have to work in the morning to make up the three hours that I didn't work on Thursday tomorrow and church as usual on Sunday.I hope that it will be a nice weekend for me.FJ

Possible Triggers. My Apologies if Anything Negative Comes To Anyone Reading This.

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,it was a work day and the half a day I had went a little better than yesterday.It wasn't too hectic,but again.it was a little better.When it was noon,I headed for home.
When I got home,I immediately jumped into the shower to clean up as I really needed it.After that,I shaved my face too look neat and after that,I got dressed again to head for my therapist's office.
However,when I got there,I learned that my appointment was rescheduled and after getting the new appointment time,I headed back home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I went back out to turn in some bottles and cans at a local supermarket.I headed home again after that.
When I got home,I relaxed for the rest of the evening and did some more personal PC work.I later retired for the evening.A very good day overall.
My struggles with SSA are still getting worse instead of better.
Last night,while in bed,I couldn't sleep much as I had a hard time getting to sleep.I tossed and turned,but still had a tough time getting to sleep,though I did take my medication at the time that I was supposed to take it.
As a result of this tough time getting to sleep,I gave into temptation last night and it due to one of the perversions that I have,which I still will not discuss as I don't want to have any triggers set off on anyone.I manipulated my genitalia and wound up at the point of orgasm and then,masturbated the rest of the way until ejaculation.I felt miserable after giving into this terrible temptation.I also felt plain lousy and sad as a result.It was also a crushing weight on me because I sinned terribly.Though I did dose off,I still felt the same way I did last night as a result of my giving into this terrible temptation.I feel like that I'm the worst sinner of all as a result of my continuation of giving into these terrible temptations as the Apostle Paul said in his letters to Christians that he wrote to.I know that our Heavenly Father looks at all of us equally as in his eyes,there is no worse sinner than another,but I still feel like that I'm the worst as a result of giving into these awful urges as they don't give me anything but feelings of guilt,shame and sadness,which I always feel when I do give in as I really don't want to anymore.
I also want to share some more things as a continuation of the last few days.As I have mentioned in my last previous posts on her,my father was very abusive towards me when I was in between the ages of 8-9 years old.He both physically and emotionally abused me.The reason he used was that he was a "Christian" (i.e. born-again) and that he was using "Good old fashioned Christian discipline" on me.He repeatedly beat me with leather belts or anything that he could get his hands on to physically hurt me.He also emasculated me lots of times by calling me terrible names,such as stupid,worthless,dumb and that I would never amount to anything.He also took away my right of self expression and would always use drastic measures on me to ensure that I would never express myself nor even open my mouth.I was also physically beaten by my father when I had to stay after school for some behavioral mistake that I made,which only added insult to injury.No matter how many times that I said that I was sorry,it never did me any good as to him,saying that you're sorry doesn't cut it.Later on,in the ensuing years,I later learned that it wasn't really "Christian discipline" that he used,but Legalism in a theological sense.He was very loud and very abusive.I suffered the worst of it because I was his son and also,a boy.I felt these negative effects all over myself.Before all of that,I was a happy kid and loved being who I was,but after my father took me away from my mother and imposed his negative handiwork on me,I went from being a happy kid to being a young man full of intense anger and rage,which I haven't been able to overcome and recover from as nobody ever pointed me in the direction of resolving this in the right way.This,topped with the non-acknowledgement of my own paternal grandmother only made me feel hurt,angry,sad and full of rage.I am still feeling these negative effects of what happened during that brief time that I was with my father.
As a result of this,I wound up not only having emotional problems,but also wound up with Schizoaffective Disorder,which is a combination of Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder.This double whammy is why I am in the rut that I am in and also,my mental illness is making my struggles with SSA much more difficult.I still haven't overcome my emotional problems and I would love to overcome and recover from them.
I did later learn from one of my siblings that our father also possibly went through the same thing with his mother that I went through as she being my grandmother.This could mean that my father is also a tortured person himself,but the point is that there is no excuse to be abusive towards your own children in any way.There is no excuse to be abusive towards children or anyone.Abuse can scar someone for life and the scars from the abuse can take a long time to heal.These scars that I have are what caused me to have these problems,both emotional and mental.I crave healing and affirmation,but haven't been able to get these things.I am still seeking ways that I can get away from these problems and seek solutions,but also haven't succeeded.I am still yearning and hoping to find the right counseling and right affirming stuff so I can finally heal and get more out of my life,but again,I have not been able to find them.
I even checked for Christian counselors,but none of them are in my home area.I feel lost as a result of this,but I will keep checking and searching.I am hoping that one day I will finally get what I need to put me on the path to reclaiming my true identity and get the affirmations that I need to reclaim it.
I still need prayerful support.I also still need encouraging comments and spiritual upbuilding in the comments section.I just want to stop this fantasizing and lusting that I have been giving in to as of late as these things are unhealthy and don't give the right feeling or affirming that I need as it only feeds the immoral tendencies that go along with the fantasizing and lusting as lust is something that the Holy Bible,and it's author,our Heavenly Father,condemns.Please continue praying for me.Please continue to leave me some encouraging words and spiritual upbuilding in the comments section.Thanks for your continued support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day and I hope that all goes well.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.
I had a very hectic work day today.It was one thing after another with not only the clients of the facility,but also,a few particular staff members as well.I had to drop one thing to accommodate and work faster than ever to get the job done within the specific time that I had to do it.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into pajama pants and I ate my meal.I also did a little bit of work on the outside and did some cleaning work on the inside.I relaxed and did my personal PC work.I was glad when the work day ended as it was a very hectic day.I was also glad to be home so I could relax and take it easy.I later retired for the evening and again,a very hectic day overall.
As I reported last night,this SSA struggle seems to be getting worse for me instead of better.I still feel like I'm stuck in the middle of the road between Homosexuality and Heterosexuality.I have given into terrible temptation after terrible temptation.Every time I give into these things,I also feel lousy and terrible afterwards.I just can't seem to break free from this vicious cycle or trap that I'm in.Sexual images of men in general cloud my mind and it gets worse and worse.I try to shake loose,but can't seem to do so.
What is wrong with me?
What am I doing wrong?
What can I do to stop this vicious cycle or trap?
Last night,I shared about the intense anger that I feel with my father.I feel it for all the physical and emotional abuse he did to me during the time I was between the ages of 8-9 years of age.He never let me express myself and when I tried to do so,I was punished by him thinking that it was the demons talking through me and he would also hold me down until he felt the evil spirits were out of me.I was also punished when I got sick constantly.My father also deprived me of things that I loved and enjoyed because he felt that those things were of Satan and his evil demons and said that he didn't want them in his house,which he tried to make into "The perfect little Christian home" free of all worldly influences,but it only added to my emotional problems and issues instead of being anything beneficial.I was an emotional wreck and I still haven't been able to overcome the negative effects of it all as nobody ever pointed me in the right direction of wanting to overcome these things.
Aside from my father,I also feel intense anger towards my paternal grandmother,who was my father's mother.Though she has been dead for over a decade,I am still feeling the anger that I have for her.She never acknowledged me after the death of my paternal grandfather,who died when I was six years old and was more like a father to me at that time than my own father was in my lifetime.She acknowledged her other grandchildren,but not me or my older siblings.To her,I simply didn't exist.She refused to even recognize me as her grandson.This really hurt me and at times,made me sad where I felt like crying,but held back all of the tears.Though she is dead,I still feel the anger,sadness and hurt that she caused by her refusal to acknowledge me as her grandson.She also didn't talk very nicely to me either when I did talk with her during her lifetime on a few occasions.She just didn't want to talk to me unless she was forced to by someone else within the family.
I also want to share something in regards to this SSA struggle that I have.This particular struggle made me realize that I had perversions that I never thought I had nor would even think of having.I won't mention what these perversions are as I don't want to trigger anything in anyone.
Why?
Because these perversions are terrible,degrading and inappropriate.I don't want to scare anyone away from me either,so I won't mention them nor will I talk about them and again,I don't want to trigger any negative effects in anyone reading this.Please don't ask me to describe nor talk about these perversions.I am hoping that they will fade when I find what I have to do right just so I can feel stronger and not be giving into them constantly.
I feel so ashamed that I have these perversions.I don't want to have them anymore nor even feel them.
I am hoping that I can find what I need to get rid of these things and start towards what I need to heal and finally get control of this terrible SSA struggle and again,move on and finally feel the real healing that I need.
If anyone can help,please do so.I still need to be assured and reassured that I'm not alone in this struggle,although I feel that I'm alone in this struggle at times.
Please continue praying for me.Please continue to share some verbal encouragement and spiritual upbuilding in the comments sections as I need all of these things to keep going.Thanks to all of you and Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day in the morning and in the afternoon,I have to see my therapist.I am hoping that both of these things go well with me.Thanks again to all of you and to my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.FJ