Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though I did oversleep a little,and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had only my usual 2 cups of coffee as I had no time to sit down and eat breakfast.I only overslept because I had a very difficult time trying to get to sleep last night.I got dressed real quickly and I headed over to the Men's Network meeting.I was running late today and I managed to make it there,though I was late.
The meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I saw that it was starting to rain.I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and had my usual quick breakfast.After that,I decided to lay down and take a nap because I was still feeling drowsy from last night as a result of my difficulty of trying to get to sleep last night.I slept for an hour and half and after my nap,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to pop a movie into the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I decided to watch a little bit of TV and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I am also still struggling with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.Lately,I have been having the feelings of not knowing whether I have been coming or going.I have also been having some pretty scary and very terrible nightmares.I have been having bad dreams of me jumping off a bridge into water to drown myself and these nightmares have been waking me up out of a deep sleep constantly.These bad dreams have been happening to me pretty much and I really don't know why I have been having them.I have been tossing and turning whenever these terrible dreams have been coming.I wake up out of a deep sleep gasping.In reality,I have no plans to kill myself nor have I been thinking about killing myself.These dreams have been happening and it is the first time in four years that I have been having these sorts of terrible dreams.Four years ago,I had nightmares of hanging myself in a abandoned place out in the countryside.Now,they have me jumping off of a bridge into a body of water.I am hoping that these dreams stop soon.During the mid afternoon,I prayed to my Heavenly Father and I really talked about everything that has been happening.I also talked about my struggles with the terrible SSA that I have been struggling with for most of my life.I left nothing out.I poured my soul out to my Heavenly Father.I asked him for strength to help me endure through all of this negativity in regards to both my BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA struggles.I left nothing out and I kept up praying until I felt better.I felt more relieved and felt like a giant weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.I also asked for forgiveness of my sins that I have committed and asked for his help to help me through all of these terrible negative affects of my struggles with the psychiatric double whammy that I have and the SSA struggles that I have.I felt relieved and much more at ease.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.I also thank them both for listening to me and hearing me.I feel a little bit better and it does give me a pretty good feeling.
To all my fellow blog followers,I am again asking that all of you continue in praying for me.I need all the prayerful support that I can get.I also ask that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please leave me some encouraging words.Don't be shy if you come to visit.I need both prayerful and positive and encouraging verbal support.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have made no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I didn't have too much today.I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things and after that,I got some gas in my tank and I also bought a few things at other places.I also managed to get a replacement band for my wrist watch.After all of these things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away.I also started to prepare my evening meal.While eating,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply throw this struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden.I ask him for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I ask for strength to help me endure through the negative affects of this particular psychiatric double whammy that I have.They both help in sustaining me and also make me feel much calmer and more at ease.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I fell again for the second consecutive time.I masturbated early this morning and yes,sexual images of men did cloud my mind.I gave into this terrible unclean,dirty and disgusting habit.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning and I also begged and pleaded for his mercy on me as I prayed because I was really sorry for giving into this terrible temptation.I was sad and disillusioned as a result of my falling into sin this morning.I prayed and prayed and I did feel better after doing so.Fellow blog followers,I am again asking that y'all continue to pray for me.Yes,I am.I need your prayers desperately.I am really sick of this terrible SSA struggle.I am not going to give up,but I do need prayers and also,I need some words of positive encouragement as I am going through a very difficult emotional time.I hate it that I have these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with this terrible SSA.I hate everything connected to this terrible SSA.Please fellow blog followers,I am asking that y'all continue praying for me and also,please don't be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things desperately.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I don't want to feel alone in this particular struggle.I know that I am not alone in this as I know that there are other men who also struggle with SSA.I feel all alone when I don't get any encouraging words in the comments section.Please leave me something encouraging and also,prayers are also appreciated.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of a Men's Network meeting tomorrow and church as usual on Sunday,I have really nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work.
Today,I was hoping to go to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group,but I had a terrible stomach-ache and after finishing my personal PC work in the morning,I laid down for a while after taking some Rolaids for it.
Fortunately,I was actually feeling better after my nap and I proceeded to get ready for the afternoon Halloween party.I got dressed and I headed for there.
The party was wonderful.After some fun there and when it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put my pajamas on and watched a few Halloween cartoons.I stayed home for the rest of the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I throw this struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden.I also ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to help me endure through the negative affects of this psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.They both help me in keeping me sustained and much more at ease.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning by masturbating.Yes,I did.I really felt miserable after giving into this terrible temptation.After washing my hands,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for falling short.I asked him for forgiveness for my sins.I was really sorry for what I did.After I was finished praying,I did feel a lot better after doing so.I truly believed and knew that I was forgiven and that made me feel a little better.The thing about this SSA struggle is that it is a very difficult and complicated struggle.Personally,as far as I am concerned,I really hate that I struggle with this.I hate everything having to do with this struggle.I hate everything connected with this struggle.I hate these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this struggle.I also hate the addictions that are connected with this struggle.I also hate falling when temptation sets in.I also hate that the mainstream media makes Homosexuality an acceptable,natural and normal thing,when in reality,it isn't acceptable nor is it natural or even normal.I really want to heal from this terrible condition that I struggle with.I really do want to heal.I am again appealing to my fellow blog followers and fellow men who also struggle with SSA.I am appealing that all of you please continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.I have been really feeling at edge as of late and I really don't know why.Please pray for me.I also ask that all of you who follow and/or visit my blog to please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your continued positive verbal support desperately.After this current fall,I really need some prayer and positive verbal encouragement.Both your prayers and your continued positive verbal support both help keep me going in this fight and struggle.They also strengthen both my determination and motivation.The thing is that I don't want to feel like I am all alone here.When comments of any kind are not left,I feel alone.I get many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rarely left.Please pray for me and also,don't be afraid to leave any positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these desperately.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.I also thank my Heavenly Father for his precious gift of forgiveness.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda for today.
I didn't have too much to do today.I simply ran a few errands and I also ate a local Burger King during lunchtime.I simply dropped a few newspapers off at a few people's houses and after that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I popped another DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.I relaxed for the rest of the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply throw this particular struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden.I ask him for strength to help me endure through the negative affects of this psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.I ask him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.They both help in keeping me sustained,but also,on a much calmer and level plain.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection,though it didn't last long.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom.I got out of bed and I headed for the bathroom,which made my genitals soften.When I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went right back to bed and subsequently to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in sinful lusting and fantasizing of other men and I was also tempted to "near masturbate" alongside this.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist these urges as these urges can be very overwhelming at times and today was no exception.Fortunately,I managed to escape and that was good.Though I escaped today unscathed,I am again asking that all of you continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.I also ask that y'all who continually follow my blog and read the posts to please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any type of comments.Please leave me something encouraging and also,please keep praying for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for all of your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I had my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and I am also going to a Halloween party at a church in my area.I am hoping that both are wonderful.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
Today,I ran a few more errands.I went to a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After that,I went over to a local McDonald's to have a couple of sandwiches for lunch.After that,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff away and prepared my evening meal.When it was finished,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it while eating.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply throw this particular struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden and ask him for strength to help me endure through the negatives.I ask him for this strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ.They both help in sustaining me and also,they help keep me on a much calmer plain as well as more at ease.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a little bit better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning hours when another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep,though it didn't last very long.I sat up and I sensed that I had to use the bathroom.I headed for the bathroom and that made my genitals soften.My genitals were fully soft when I was finished and I went right back to bed and to sleep.I was tempted,though minimally,throughout the day to indulge in sinful fantasies and lusting after other men.I stayed outside for much of the day and by being out in the community,it took my mind off of anything sexual with other men.I was out for much of the day and that kept me occupied.It is wonderful being out in public and by being out and about,I had really kept my mind on the tasks at hand and that was pretty good.I am again asking that all of you continue to pray for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.I need both prayers and some positive verbal encouragement.Please leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.They both help keep me going.They also keep both my determination and motivation strong.My blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rarely left.I need both prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things on my agenda for today.I went to a local supermarket to turn in bags full of empty bottles and cans that were in my car.I had to make room for other things.After collecting the money for turning them in,I headed for home to register all the bills and after that,I headed over to a nearby McDonald's to have a couple of sandwiches to tie me over until dinner.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it while relaxing.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that made my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply throw this particular struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden.I ask him for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me endure through the negative affects of this particular psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.They both help in keeping me sustained and also much calmer and more at ease.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a little bit better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection,but it didn't last very long.I sat up and proceeded to get up out of bed,which made my genitals soften.I got up and walked a little and when my genitals were fully soft,I went right back to bed and subsequently back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted,though minimally,to indulge in fantasies and lusting after other men.Today,I stayed out in the community and that took my mind off of anything sexual with men.I stayed out and did what I had to do and that kept my mind off of anything sexual.It was very good to be out and getting some air and staying busy.Though I escaped today,I am again asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please keep on praying for me.I am also asking that all of you please leave me an encouraging word of two in the comments section.I need both badly and desperately.Your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a warm sweatsuit.I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed and headed over to someone's place for a little get together.
I had fun with this person.We ate,had some laughs and talked about a lot of things.After it was all over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and put my pajamas on.I also popped a movie into the DVD player and watched it.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate by the day,or at other times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply throw this struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden.I ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ for strength to help me endure through the negative affects of this psychiatric double whammy that I have.They both help in keeping me sustained,but also much calmer and a little more at ease.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed and I decided to walk a little bit around the house.This made my genitals soften.Though it was slow going,my genitals had fully softened after a while and I went right back to bed and subsequently to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in sinful lusting and fantasizing of other men.The temptations were overwhelming.Today,I simply stayed busy doing what I was doing.I spent time with someone at their place.I had a wonderful time and that was great.It took my mind off of anything sexual with other men.Though I escaped today unscathed,I am again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.I also need some positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.Please pray for me and also,please leave some positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ