Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my bath,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things on my agenda.I first went to the Best Buy in the next county to pay my credit card bill.After that was done,I headed over to a nearby supermarket to pick up something that my mom wanted me to pick up.After paying for that item,I headed straight home,but stopped on the way to get some gas.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move onward,I am still having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is always a never ending struggle as I go day to day with these symptoms and the roller coaster ride that goes with them.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies that make the struggle even more difficult.Though the struggle is a difficult one,I know that I can continually rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through it all.Their help in all of this and them taking the lead eases my mind in all of this.It doesn't make it easier,but it does show me that I am not alone in my struggle as they are there to help me whenever I really need it.I still continue my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed,but I still rely on God and Christ more while following the orders of the medical people at the same time.It is just wonderful that I have God and Christ there to help me get through any struggles.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection out of a deep sleep.I had to really fight this temptation as it was a very overwhelming one.I simply got up and used the bathroom because I really needed to use it and as I was doing that,the erection died down and I simply went back to sleep after I was finished.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It can take any form,such as fantasies,the temptation to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them or it could be simply masturbating emotionally or as a reliever when the temptation to indulge in fantasies comes around or it can also take the form of looking at porn of all sorts.The SSA struggle is a very difficult one at that and I am learning this on a day to day basis.Still,I do rely on God whenever that happens.I know that if I do indeed give into the temptation,all I do is ask God to forgive me whenever that happens and after that,I can forget it.I am still in the learning process of this and I am also still learning on how not to beat myself up when I fall or fail.I am an imperfect human being as much as any other human being is and I know that God expects me to do the best that I can despite that imperfection,but I do fail or fall from time to time and I know that God is there to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I also ask God for help in not to beat myself up over failing or falling and I know that he is there to do that.Still,those who do visit my blog from time to time,I would appreciate a prayer of two from all of you as they will help keep me going.Thanks in advance for prayers said.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual alongside the Holy Bible study class alongside it.As for the rest of the day,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed to head out to the garage to get my oil changed.When I got there,I waited twenty minutes and after the oil change was completed,I paid them and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply went back to sleep as I was still feeling tired and sleepy.I set the alarm for a certain time,but woke up several minutes before the alarm was supposed to go off as a result of me having to use the bathroom.
After using the bathroom,I settled in to get my personal PC work done.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for all of those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
I also had one other thing that I needed to attend to today.I had an appointment to meet with the pastor of the church to continue our weekly one on one studies that we have been having.The study went great and after it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward.But my struggles with BPD make the recovery more difficult.I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will also continue taking my medication as directed.While the struggle with BPD and having schizophrenic tendencies alongside that is a difficult one,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to feel unbearable.It doesn't make the struggle any easier,but it does make me feel more at ease a little bit.I have to continually rely on them more rather than on my own strength to keep me going.I also have to put up with random obsessive thoughts,but with God and his son Jesus Christ taking over,they simply disappear once I talk to them about these thoughts.It is wonderful to rely on them more and also,to see that they are leading the way makes me feel a little bit better.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted twice to masturbate.Once in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection out of a deep sleep and another time when I was taking that nap when I got home when images of men without their clothes on started to cloud my mind.With both of these,I simply got up and the erections started to soften and since I had to use the bathroom at both instances,I simply went back to sleep after I was finished.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It is not a very pleasant thing to put up with or have,but it does happen.I want to do the right thing,but my sinful nature wants me to do the opposite.When these situations do happen when they do,I can always rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through any temptations when they happen.It is great that I don't have to go it alone or rely more on my own strength to get through any of these things.I have God and Jesus Christ leading the way and all I need to do is tell God about the temptations when they happen as I throw the temptations on him and he gets me through the temptations and I feel better when I do.I just have to keep on doing that and have the take the lead and lead me out of the ugliness of those temptations.Thanks again to God and his son Jesus Christ for all of their help and for being there for me.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to forward,but I have been feeling burned out as of late.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had some stuff planned and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to my spirituality group and that group was wonderful.We talked of many things and after it was over,I left and I headed over to a local kitchen for something to eat.After lunch,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money.After the withdrawl,I stopped at a nearby video store to look around.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finished my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day despite the burnout that I have been feeling.
My road to recovery continues,but it hasn't been very pleasant as of late.I have been feeling burned out lately.It has been a lot of overwhelming things like my mother not feeling well,the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with having BPD and schizophrenic tendencies alongside that and last but not least,the sinful nature that I have that practically every other human being has.Of course,we humans have different or at times the same struggles,but at times,the sinful nature that we all have always wants each and every one of us,including myself,to do what is wrong in the eyes of God when we,including me,wants to do the right thing,To top it off,my mother not feeling up to snuff and also,my dealings and struggles with BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.I am still going to attend my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.But I am hoping that I can feel better than I have been lately.I really hate the burned out feeling as I am just trying to live rightly to the best of my ability,but my sinful nature wants and tempts me to do the opposite.I am desperately asking for prayers from each and every one of you who have been watching and following this blog of mine because I am in real desperate need of prayer and I also desperately need strength to get through this difficult period that I am going through.Thanks to all of you for prayers offered.
Regarding my SSA struggles,they are adding and contributing to the burn out that I have been experiencing.In the past two weeks,I fell twice by masturbation.I fell last week and I also fell this week.I really felt terrible as these failings that I have been going through have been really a crushing weight on me as I want to do the right thing,but I gave into my sinful nature and the temptations that go with that nature.I was also again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours this morning when an erection woke me out of a deep sleep.As soon as I started to get up,the erection died down and after about a couple of minutes,I went back to sleep.This week,though it isn't over yet,has been really and very stressful.I had blood work done on Tuesday and that really took most of the morning from me as I was going without food and coffee for much of that morning.I was at edge for much of Tuesday and was still a little at edge on Wednesday as well from all of that.Today,I have just been feeling burned out and tired of this sinful nature of mine and the temptations that go with it.People keep telling me not to beat myself up so much when I fail,but I can't help feeling sorrow,regret and deep shame for failing.I want to feel better,but don't know how I can go about doing that when I am feeling burned out.Again,please say repeated prayers for me as I really need them and I also need the support,advice and/or guidance at this time.Again,Thanks in advance for everything as need and they are all appreciated.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment to get my oil changed in my engine and I also have a meeting with the pastor of the church as we are continuing our one on one study time together.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
Today,I had only a couple of things planned.I first went to the bank to withdraw some money and after that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward.But I am still having difficulties dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it is never easy.I have to put up with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and that ride is usually not a very nice ride at all.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the symptoms of BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I still attend my therapy sessions.I still take my medication as directed.Though it is difficult,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength that I need to deal with these things.It doesn't make it easier,but it does give me the assurance that they are there and they will help me once I ask for them to take the lead.Again,it doesn't make it easier,but it makes it more manageable.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated.It was both an emotional fall as well as lusting after other men and their bodies without clothes on type of fall.It really made me feel terrible and though I asked God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ,I still felt guilty about it for a long time that day.I also know what led up to that fall.I was still feeling stressed out by the day.Earlier in the day,I had to go to the local hospital for much ordered blood work and the time was very stressful.I was going without food as I had to fast for 12 hours and also,I did without my usual morning cups of coffee to get it done as I was also waiting for the whole thing to be done.It was stressful waiting and also,having to go the hospital basement to get x-rays done also added to that stress as I was waiting for over twenty minutes to get that done.For much of the day,I was really at edge and I really couldn't talk to nobody.It all lead up to my fall last last night and also,though I believed I was forgiven for the fall,I still felt guilty by it all and I am just hoping that the next several days will be better.I also was again tempted to masturbate again when I was awakened by another erection in the wee early morning hours.I did fight to resist this and I won,but it could have led to another fall.Though it didn't,I still could have given into that temptation,but I didn't.I also regret that yesterday,I should have relied on God and his son Jesus Christ,but I didn't and I am sorry for that.I have to keep on remembering to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more when these temptations happen and I will be okay.I also ask that anyone out there who reads and follows my blog regularly to please say a prayer or two for me.I would really appreciate that.Thanks so much.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and I am also hoping to have lunch at local kitchen afterwards.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good and stressful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I headed over to the local hospital.I had to have blood work done and an x-ray on my lower right hip region.It took most of the rest of the morning to get everything done.But after it was all done,I headed over to a local McDonalds for a couple of sandwiches.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.I had to wait a half an hour before I could bathe as a result of food in my system.After I was done with the PC work,which I did within the half an hour,I bathed to clean myself up and after my bath,I had a bowl of cold cereal and the usual 2 cups of coffee.After that was done,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and stressful day.
My road to recovery continues onward,but it isn't an easy one at that.I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle is never an easy one.I am usually on an up and down roller coaster ride and that really makes it tough.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.I will still attend my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.I will also continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ when the going and the struggle seems way too difficult to endure.It doesn't make it easier,but it makes it endurable.With God,all things are possible.I am just glad that I can rely on them when the going seems to feel impossible to bear.But again,with God,everything is possible.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was again awakened by yet another erection.The urge to masturbate was really overwhelming.I had to really get up and do something to get the erection to die down.I went to the bathroom and after I was finished,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected and the temptation to do that can be very overwhelming.As stated,when tempted,I can simply throw them on God and his son Jesus Christ and they will get me through the temptation.After telling them about the temptation,I can move on with the rest of the day and I feel better about it.Thanks to God and Jesus Christ for being there when they are needed.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and I bathed quickly.After my quick bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed quickly to hurry over to my improving self esteem group.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local pizzeria for two slices of pizza as a quick lunch.After that,I headed straight home.
When IO got home,I finished my personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and watched a DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,but it is still a difficult road ahead.I am still having to deal with and struggle with BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that it has.It is never easy and it does happen day to day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which make the struggle even more difficult.But I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through and it does ease the struggle a little.It is still difficult,but with God and Jesus Christ taking over,it isn't as difficult as going it alone without them.I just keep relying on them and it is okay.The more that I rely on them,the better that I feel.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection out of a deep sleep.I had to really fight this overwhelming urge as I was still tired and sleepy.I simply started to get up and as I was doing so,the erection started to soften and when I got up to go to the bathroom,the erection was dead and I simply went back to sleep afterwards.But later on,I started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation,but stopped myself and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that.I need to learn to not touch myself inappropriately for lustful and sexual purposes as that can lead to sinful activity such as masturbation or to start seeking out other men for the purpose of indulging in sexual activity with them.Though I escaped those episodes,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful whenever the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,and work to fight and resist it.The more that I resist,the more stronger the urge comes the next time around.That sort of temptation can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Again,I simply rely on God and Jesus Christ when that happens and after that,it has faded and it is long forgotten.I just have to keep on doing that and I will feel better in the long run.The struggle with SSA is never and easy one,but with God and Christ taking over,I can overcome anything as the Holy Bible says in it's own way "With God,all things are possible."Thanks God and Jesus Christ for everything.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I immediately got dressed up in a suit and I headed over to church for the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the study class and worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with the people,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local gas station to get some gas.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and I did my personal PC work.I wanted to get home as it was a really hot,hazy and humid day.After my personal PC work was done,I relaxed and I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it while relaxing.I also watched another one.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.For me,going to church always makes the day eventful.
My recovery continues to go forward.Still,I have to continue putting up with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle gets even more difficult day after day.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride that can go from bad to worse.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.But as I said before and I will say again,I have God to look after me and I simply throw these things on him in the name of his son Jesus Christ and when I do,I feel better.I still take my medication and I still attend my therapy sessions.But I also have to rely on God and Jesus Christ to get me through the roller coaster rides and also,when the schizophrenic tendencies at times seem to be too much to be bearable and to handle.I feel better and it does ease it a little bit.It is still difficult,but God and his son Jesus Christ make it a tad easier.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.It was really yet another overwhelming urge and I really had to use my strength to fight this temptation.I simply got up and walked until the erection softened.I simply went back to sleep when it did.But later on,during the Holy Bible study class at church,images of naked men and immoral sexual images began to cloud up my mind.When I could,I immediately went into the restroom and quietly prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and simply put the temptation in his hands and asked him to help clear my mind of anything immoral and sexually impure regarding men and after the prayer was over,I felt much better and I immediately joined everyone in the chapel for the worship service.Though I escaped these episodes,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to keep relying on God through his son Jesus Christ to get me through all the temptations that come to take over me constantly.I just throw it on God and ask in his son Jesus Christ's name to take it away and after the prayer is over,I feel better and it is now history.I feel better now that I can rely more on God whenever these temptations come around and afterwards,I can forget about them.If it happens again after the first one,I just pray again and it is all over.Thanks to God and Jesus Christ for being there and getting me through these difficult spells.Without them,I would be lost and would be committing sinful acts knowing the truth.Thanks again God and Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow,I have my usual improving self esteem group.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ