Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today,
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda for today.
I didn't have too much to do today.I simply ran a few errands and I also paid a visit to a friend's place and spent a few minutes with him.After that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local McDonald's to have a couple of sandwiches.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did some more personal PC work.I also listened to a little bit of music while doing that.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with BPD and Schizophrenia.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one minute to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.My SSA struggles are also a lot more difficult as a result of this psychiatric double whammy that I have.Aside from the mood fluctuations and the hallucinatory affects of this particular psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.My SSA struggles are far more difficult with this because I hear things and/or voices that nobody else hears.I am still attending my therapy sessions and continuing to regularly take my medication as directed.Today,I almost fell again into sin as I was tempted to look up Homosexual themed porn online and also,look at sexual images of men online as well.I had to really fight and resist these urges to look at these things.The thing is if I give into the temptation to view and look at these things,I am feeding the urges and acting out on them by doing this.I struggle day after day with this terrible SSA and it can be emotionally draining at times.There are also times that I wish that I didn't struggle with this terrible SSA.There are also times that I get tired of struggling with this terrible SSA.I really do want to heal from this SSA and I want to feel like a man.I also want to be the man that my Heavenly Father intended me to be.The thing about this is that I do feel all alone in this struggle,though I know that I am not alone as I know that there are other men who struggle with SSA as well.I am simply talking about feeling alone in the territory that I live because there isn't too much for a man like me to get involved with.I mean,I just started with an addiction conquering support group and I am hoping that in time,I can conquer my addictions to genital manipulation,masturbation and pornography.I am going to try and make my resolve to start praying to my Heavenly Father a lot more.Most of the time,I have been praying to ask to be forgiven when I fall into temptation.I want to be break free from these terrible addictions that I have as they are starting to have a hold on me once again.I need to start making it my resolve to pray more and more.I will continue going to church,going to my study groups and also,continue attending the conquering addictions support group.I also have an appointment with the priest that I talked to a month ago and I will continue those as well.But again,I have to make it my resolve to start praying regularly as I now know that I have been neglecting to do that pretty much.I am also again asking that y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please keep on praying for me and also,please leave me some positive encouraging words in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement so I won't feel alone in this struggle.Please fellow followers and fellow brothers who also struggle with SSA,I need both your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement desperately.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Saturday, November 09, 2013
Friday, November 08, 2013
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
For much of the day,I was out in the community running a few errands.I collected a few bottles and cans and I also did a little shopping at a local supermarket.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I prepared my evening meal.While eating,I watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player and watched the rest after I was finished eating.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I was feeling disillusioned and saddened early this evening.I gave into temptation by masturbating.Yes admittedly,sexual images of men did cloud my mind and since I do live alone since my mother died last year,I gave into them.I live alone and I do feel lonely at times.This Sunday,my mom's birthday will be here and my mother would have been 84 if she lived a little longer.I am still feeling her absence and it's harder for me than it is for my locally living sister because I lived with my mom in the house until the day she died a little over a year ago.I am not trying to justify nor excuse the fall.No,far from it.I was simply sitting in a chair at home and I gave into these terrible temptations.I hate that I struggle with this terrible SSA.I hate that I find members of my own gender sexually attractive.I hate that I sinned.I hate everything having to do with this terrible struggle with this terrible SSA.I hate that I feel practically all alone in this terrible struggle as far as living in the area that I live goes.I understand that the condition itself is not sinful.It is the sexual activity that is associated with Homosexuality that is sinful.I want to heal from this terrible SSA condition.I want to change.I want to be the man that my Heavenly Father intended me to be.I also want to be the man that I was meant to be,but somehow,my male identity got lost somewhere and I am trying to find it and reconnect with it.I am talking about my gender identity,which is male and is actually my true identity,and not just my gender identity,but also,male is also my true sexual identity.The thing is that Homosexual/Gay is a false identity and that identity does nothing to enhance any sexual identity,but simply wrecks,destroys and simply ruins lives.I don't want my life ruined by that terrible sinful sexual activity connected with this terrible SSA.After I fell,I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and I poured myself out to him.I left nothing out.I did feel better after I was finished,but I have to keep working on myself.I have to work on stopping myself from falling into sin so much.I have to be careful that I don't become a habitual sinner again like I was before I discovered the truth about Homosexuality/SSA.I don't want to fall into that trap of becoming a habitual sinner.I am again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me.I need your prayers desperately.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.Your positive verbal encouragement can be in the form of scriptural upbuilding,spiritual encouragement or simply to continue pressing on.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Please everyone.I don't want to feel that I am all alone.I know that I am not really all alone in this particular struggle,but in my area,I do feel all alone as there aren't any programs that help men like me who struggle with this terrible SSA.I really want to heal from this terrible SSA.Please pray for me.Please leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I really and desperately need both of those things.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday as usual,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
For much of the day,I was out in the community running a few errands.I collected a few bottles and cans and I also did a little shopping at a local supermarket.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I prepared my evening meal.While eating,I watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player and watched the rest after I was finished eating.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I was feeling disillusioned and saddened early this evening.I gave into temptation by masturbating.Yes admittedly,sexual images of men did cloud my mind and since I do live alone since my mother died last year,I gave into them.I live alone and I do feel lonely at times.This Sunday,my mom's birthday will be here and my mother would have been 84 if she lived a little longer.I am still feeling her absence and it's harder for me than it is for my locally living sister because I lived with my mom in the house until the day she died a little over a year ago.I am not trying to justify nor excuse the fall.No,far from it.I was simply sitting in a chair at home and I gave into these terrible temptations.I hate that I struggle with this terrible SSA.I hate that I find members of my own gender sexually attractive.I hate that I sinned.I hate everything having to do with this terrible struggle with this terrible SSA.I hate that I feel practically all alone in this terrible struggle as far as living in the area that I live goes.I understand that the condition itself is not sinful.It is the sexual activity that is associated with Homosexuality that is sinful.I want to heal from this terrible SSA condition.I want to change.I want to be the man that my Heavenly Father intended me to be.I also want to be the man that I was meant to be,but somehow,my male identity got lost somewhere and I am trying to find it and reconnect with it.I am talking about my gender identity,which is male and is actually my true identity,and not just my gender identity,but also,male is also my true sexual identity.The thing is that Homosexual/Gay is a false identity and that identity does nothing to enhance any sexual identity,but simply wrecks,destroys and simply ruins lives.I don't want my life ruined by that terrible sinful sexual activity connected with this terrible SSA.After I fell,I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and I poured myself out to him.I left nothing out.I did feel better after I was finished,but I have to keep working on myself.I have to work on stopping myself from falling into sin so much.I have to be careful that I don't become a habitual sinner again like I was before I discovered the truth about Homosexuality/SSA.I don't want to fall into that trap of becoming a habitual sinner.I am again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me.I need your prayers desperately.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.Your positive verbal encouragement can be in the form of scriptural upbuilding,spiritual encouragement or simply to continue pressing on.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Please everyone.I don't want to feel that I am all alone.I know that I am not really all alone in this particular struggle,but in my area,I do feel all alone as there aren't any programs that help men like me who struggle with this terrible SSA.I really want to heal from this terrible SSA.Please pray for me.Please leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I really and desperately need both of those things.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday as usual,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Thursday, November 07, 2013
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After showering,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I headed over to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed over to the house of one of my nephews and had a bowl of homemade soup that my father made.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed over to my Thursday evening Holy Bible study group.
That group also was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my clothes and into my night clothes.I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still having a very difficult time dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the symptoms of Schizophrenia alongside that.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate constantly They can be up and feeling good one day/minute/moment and down the next day/minute/moment.I also have to put up with hearing things that only I can hear and nobody else can hear and that really can stress me out and also,drain me emotionally.I still attend my therapy sessions.I also continue taking my medication as directed.The psychiatric double whammy that I have also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.In my struggles with SSA,I have to deal and put up with temptations coming at me left and right and also,these temptations range from going out to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity to watching pornography online.They can also range from being tempted to masturbate and/or manipulate my genitals while lusting and fantasizing with other men,like today,I gave into that particular temptation and I really felt miserable.I prayed hard to my Heavenly Father and I asked him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and I did feel better after that.I am also again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please keep up in prayer for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement desperately.They both help keep me going and also,they help keep my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After showering,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I headed over to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed over to the house of one of my nephews and had a bowl of homemade soup that my father made.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed over to my Thursday evening Holy Bible study group.
That group also was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my clothes and into my night clothes.I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still having a very difficult time dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the symptoms of Schizophrenia alongside that.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate constantly They can be up and feeling good one day/minute/moment and down the next day/minute/moment.I also have to put up with hearing things that only I can hear and nobody else can hear and that really can stress me out and also,drain me emotionally.I still attend my therapy sessions.I also continue taking my medication as directed.The psychiatric double whammy that I have also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult.In my struggles with SSA,I have to deal and put up with temptations coming at me left and right and also,these temptations range from going out to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity to watching pornography online.They can also range from being tempted to masturbate and/or manipulate my genitals while lusting and fantasizing with other men,like today,I gave into that particular temptation and I really felt miserable.I prayed hard to my Heavenly Father and I asked him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and I did feel better after that.I am also again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please keep up in prayer for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement desperately.They both help keep me going and also,they help keep my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, November 06, 2013
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as today was a big day.
Today was a big day because my father came into town and we had lunch at a restaurant where they served roast beef sandwiches and we could help ourselves to vegetable at the bar.It was a wonderful lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I dropped a couple of newspapers off and when that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I headed for the bathroom as I had to use it badly.After that,I did a little bit more personal PC work.After that,I went and got some gas and I headed over to the house at one of my nephews and we had pizza and chicken wings for dinner.After eating and having a little bit of conversation,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend was doing and after spending some time with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did a little bit more personal PC work.I also popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it.Overall,a very good and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.The ups and downs of BPD can be draining and stressful.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also battle symptoms of Schizophrenia and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult as I have to put with hallucinatory things that only I can hear and nobody else can.It also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult at the same time.Today,I was plagued,though minimally,to indulge in sinful lusting and fantasies of other men and even this morning,my temptations to masturbate came when I was awakened by an erection.Fortunately for me,I had to use the bathroom,so I got out of bed and I headed for there and when I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went right back to bed and subsequently to sleep.Fortunately for me,I stayed out and about for much of the day and also,the anticipation of my father's visit and having lunch and dinner out with the family took my mind off of anything sexual with other men.I have also been feeling minimal temptation to indulge in fantasies and lusting since getting involved with the addictions support group on Monday night and looking forward to the next one.I am hoping that these good things and feelings continue onward.Of course,I got through today unscathed,but there is always tomorrow.I am hoping that tomorrow will be just like today.I am going to keep up praying myself,but I also ask that all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please keep up praying for me.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.I need both prayerful and positive verbal support at the same time.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my two spirituality groups in both the morning and the evening,I have nothing much planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as today was a big day.
Today was a big day because my father came into town and we had lunch at a restaurant where they served roast beef sandwiches and we could help ourselves to vegetable at the bar.It was a wonderful lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I dropped a couple of newspapers off and when that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I headed for the bathroom as I had to use it badly.After that,I did a little bit more personal PC work.After that,I went and got some gas and I headed over to the house at one of my nephews and we had pizza and chicken wings for dinner.After eating and having a little bit of conversation,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend was doing and after spending some time with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did a little bit more personal PC work.I also popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it.Overall,a very good and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.The ups and downs of BPD can be draining and stressful.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also battle symptoms of Schizophrenia and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult as I have to put with hallucinatory things that only I can hear and nobody else can.It also makes my SSA struggles even more difficult at the same time.Today,I was plagued,though minimally,to indulge in sinful lusting and fantasies of other men and even this morning,my temptations to masturbate came when I was awakened by an erection.Fortunately for me,I had to use the bathroom,so I got out of bed and I headed for there and when I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went right back to bed and subsequently to sleep.Fortunately for me,I stayed out and about for much of the day and also,the anticipation of my father's visit and having lunch and dinner out with the family took my mind off of anything sexual with other men.I have also been feeling minimal temptation to indulge in fantasies and lusting since getting involved with the addictions support group on Monday night and looking forward to the next one.I am hoping that these good things and feelings continue onward.Of course,I got through today unscathed,but there is always tomorrow.I am hoping that tomorrow will be just like today.I am going to keep up praying myself,but I also ask that all of you who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please keep up praying for me.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.I need both prayerful and positive verbal support at the same time.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my two spirituality groups in both the morning and the evening,I have nothing much planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Tuesday, November 05, 2013
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and headed out to pay some much needed bills that needed to be paid.After that,I stopped a few local stores to buy a few more things that I needed and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and I also had my evening meal,which was light.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have.Fortunately,I am still attending my therapy sessions. and I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I also battle the terrible demon known as SSA,which is also a very difficult struggle in itself.Today,since I spent most of the day out and about in the community,I wasn't distressed by these things.I kept busy by being out and about in the community.I simply did what I had to do and it was wonderful.It took my mind off of sexual thoughts with men and it also kept me at ease.It was great that I had no distressing things today.I also think that going to the group last night for conquering addictions also helped as well.My mind,last night,actually felt refreshed and it also felt pretty good.I am now going to really pray to my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ tonight before I go to sleep.I have a feeling that they led me to this group and I am feeling a bit better now and I am hoping to feel a lot much better in the future by continuing to attend meetings each week.Fellow blog followers,please continue praying for me and also please leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I still need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and my motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,my father is coming for a visit and I really don't know how long he is going to stay.I am hoping that his visit is a wonderful one.I am also hoping to catch up on some much needed shopping myself.Aside from these things,I have nothing else planned.I hope that whatever I do choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and headed out to pay some much needed bills that needed to be paid.After that,I stopped a few local stores to buy a few more things that I needed and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and I also had my evening meal,which was light.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have.Fortunately,I am still attending my therapy sessions. and I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I also battle the terrible demon known as SSA,which is also a very difficult struggle in itself.Today,since I spent most of the day out and about in the community,I wasn't distressed by these things.I kept busy by being out and about in the community.I simply did what I had to do and it was wonderful.It took my mind off of sexual thoughts with men and it also kept me at ease.It was great that I had no distressing things today.I also think that going to the group last night for conquering addictions also helped as well.My mind,last night,actually felt refreshed and it also felt pretty good.I am now going to really pray to my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ tonight before I go to sleep.I have a feeling that they led me to this group and I am feeling a bit better now and I am hoping to feel a lot much better in the future by continuing to attend meetings each week.Fellow blog followers,please continue praying for me and also please leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I still need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also help keep both my determination and my motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,my father is coming for a visit and I really don't know how long he is going to stay.I am hoping that his visit is a wonderful one.I am also hoping to catch up on some much needed shopping myself.Aside from these things,I have nothing else planned.I hope that whatever I do choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, November 04, 2013
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had some things planned.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up some much needed food and groceries.After that,I paid a few bills and went to another local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I headed back out tonight to attend a meeting at a local church,which is a Holy Bible based addictions group where people can talk about things without being judged and/or negatively criticized by others.It was my first meeting and I headed there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group meeting was wonderful.I got a lot out of it.I will be going to the next meeting next Monday evening.After it was all over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into my night clothes and I relaxed.I also watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player until I was sleepy.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD,it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride and the symptoms of schizophrenia.I deal and struggle with these things on a daily basis and it never gets any easier.It gets tougher and tougher by the day.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be.I also never know how the hallucinatory effects of the schizophrenic tendencies that I have will come around with noises and voices that only I can hear and nobody else hears.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier.I am always hearing voices in my head telling me to seek out other men and indulge in sinful sexual activity with them.I get tempted all the time to indulge in some form of sinful sexual activity that is connected with the SSA struggle and condition.If it isn't the temptation watch pornography of all kinds and mess with my private parts while watching that.It could be to simply mess with my private parts and imagine myself in sinful sexual activity with other men,which is associated with lust and fantasies.It also could be to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that temptation comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home.The thing that I keep seeing each and every day is that my life is always in danger as a result of my struggles with SSA.Why?The sinful sexual lifestyle of any man active in that sinful lifestyle is a life of danger,destruction and a road to nowhere.The only thing that any man active in that sinful lifestyle has to look forward to is never ending sexual promiscuity that can lead to AIDS later on in life,which kills people that it infects because AIDS is still currently incurable.The SSA struggle,coupled with the psychiatric double whammy that I have,can really be stressful and can be energy draining.It can wear a person out psychologically and the effects can cause psychological drowsiness.Fellow blog followers and readers,I am again asking for prayers from all of you as I am always in constant need of prayers.I am also asking that y'all who follow and read my blog to please continue leaving me some positive encouraging words in the comments section.I need both prayerful and positive verbal support.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.My blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rarely left.I need some positive verbal encouragement alongside your prayers.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had some things planned.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up some much needed food and groceries.After that,I paid a few bills and went to another local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I headed back out tonight to attend a meeting at a local church,which is a Holy Bible based addictions group where people can talk about things without being judged and/or negatively criticized by others.It was my first meeting and I headed there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group meeting was wonderful.I got a lot out of it.I will be going to the next meeting next Monday evening.After it was all over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into my night clothes and I relaxed.I also watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player until I was sleepy.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD,it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride and the symptoms of schizophrenia.I deal and struggle with these things on a daily basis and it never gets any easier.It gets tougher and tougher by the day.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be.I also never know how the hallucinatory effects of the schizophrenic tendencies that I have will come around with noises and voices that only I can hear and nobody else hears.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier.I am always hearing voices in my head telling me to seek out other men and indulge in sinful sexual activity with them.I get tempted all the time to indulge in some form of sinful sexual activity that is connected with the SSA struggle and condition.If it isn't the temptation watch pornography of all kinds and mess with my private parts while watching that.It could be to simply mess with my private parts and imagine myself in sinful sexual activity with other men,which is associated with lust and fantasies.It also could be to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that temptation comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home.The thing that I keep seeing each and every day is that my life is always in danger as a result of my struggles with SSA.Why?The sinful sexual lifestyle of any man active in that sinful lifestyle is a life of danger,destruction and a road to nowhere.The only thing that any man active in that sinful lifestyle has to look forward to is never ending sexual promiscuity that can lead to AIDS later on in life,which kills people that it infects because AIDS is still currently incurable.The SSA struggle,coupled with the psychiatric double whammy that I have,can really be stressful and can be energy draining.It can wear a person out psychologically and the effects can cause psychological drowsiness.Fellow blog followers and readers,I am again asking for prayers from all of you as I am always in constant need of prayers.I am also asking that y'all who follow and read my blog to please continue leaving me some positive encouraging words in the comments section.I need both prayerful and positive verbal support.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep both my determination and motivation strong.My blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind are rarely left.I need some positive verbal encouragement alongside your prayers.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Sunday, November 03, 2013
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed over to the church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
The class and the worship service were both wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow congregants,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped a few local stores to pick up some things for lunch and dinner.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff away and had myself some lunch.After I was done with that,I did my personal PC work and when that was done,I headed back out to pick up a few more things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I started to prepare my evening meal and that went well.After eating,I decided to do a little bit more personal PC work and I watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day,as for me,going to church on Sunday makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still battling and dealing with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride,alongside the symptoms of schizophrenia.It is a double whammy that I struggle with psychiatric-wise and it never gets any easier.I am always hearing things that nobody else hears and I am also up and feeling good one day/minute and down and not so good the next day/minute.It never gets any easier to endure.The only good thing was that last night,I slept soundly without having the nightmares of committing suicide.Regarding that,I checked out a website that interprets dreams and when I checked suicide out,it explained that this represents a desperate attempt to escape your waking life.The other possibilities that it explained that I may be harboring feelings of guilt That I feel that I can't get over and I am turning aggression on myself.It advised that I needed to start approaching problems from a different angle.It also explained that another possibility is that I am saying goodbye to one aspect of myself and saying hello to a whole new me.It is symbolic of a personal transformation or a new stage of my life.I am taking this to mean that I am always continually saying goodbye to the old me that was once an active Homosexual/Gay man and trying to take on my true male identity,which I somehow lost connection with as I was growing up to be an adult male.I am still,in desperation,trying to regain my true identity,which is male,and the Heterosexual/Straight man that I am trying to recover and apply to myself.I am a male.I am also a man.I was born a male for a reason.If my Heavenly Father,the sovereign Lord and creator of this Earth and world,humanity and the universe surrounding the Earth constantly,meant for me to be a female,I would have been born a female,but as stated,I was born a male and I am a male as my Heavenly Father made me and meant for me to be a male.The thing is this;I have been battling Homosexuality/SSA for over a decade now.I have fallen short repeatedly,but I get back and start fresh after asking my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ,who endured torture and gave his life on a cross so I may live in freedom from all sorts of sin and not have to be enslaved to any sort of sin anymore.I know that I shouldn't make Heterosexuality my true and main goal in this process of healing and freedom from Homosexuality/SSA,but I so desperately need to attain my true identity so bad because the SSA struggle can stress me out at times and at those times,I feel very fed up by this struggle as I can get so tired of this struggle that I have said to myself at times,even loudly,that "I Don't Want To Struggle With This Emotional Condition Anymore! I Am So Sick Of This Struggle! I Want To Be The Man That My Heavenly Father Intended Me To Be!"At times,the SSA struggle stresses me out so much that I really don't know whether I am coming or going.Coupled with my struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia,it gets even more difficult and stressful.Fellow blog followers and readers,I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me as I am going through this very terrible and difficult emotional time.I really need your prayers and your continuous positive verbal encouragement.My blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments in the comments section.Please pray for me and please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also show that I am not alone in this struggle.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed over to the church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
The class and the worship service were both wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow congregants,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped a few local stores to pick up some things for lunch and dinner.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff away and had myself some lunch.After I was done with that,I did my personal PC work and when that was done,I headed back out to pick up a few more things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I started to prepare my evening meal and that went well.After eating,I decided to do a little bit more personal PC work and I watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day,as for me,going to church on Sunday makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still battling and dealing with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride,alongside the symptoms of schizophrenia.It is a double whammy that I struggle with psychiatric-wise and it never gets any easier.I am always hearing things that nobody else hears and I am also up and feeling good one day/minute and down and not so good the next day/minute.It never gets any easier to endure.The only good thing was that last night,I slept soundly without having the nightmares of committing suicide.Regarding that,I checked out a website that interprets dreams and when I checked suicide out,it explained that this represents a desperate attempt to escape your waking life.The other possibilities that it explained that I may be harboring feelings of guilt That I feel that I can't get over and I am turning aggression on myself.It advised that I needed to start approaching problems from a different angle.It also explained that another possibility is that I am saying goodbye to one aspect of myself and saying hello to a whole new me.It is symbolic of a personal transformation or a new stage of my life.I am taking this to mean that I am always continually saying goodbye to the old me that was once an active Homosexual/Gay man and trying to take on my true male identity,which I somehow lost connection with as I was growing up to be an adult male.I am still,in desperation,trying to regain my true identity,which is male,and the Heterosexual/Straight man that I am trying to recover and apply to myself.I am a male.I am also a man.I was born a male for a reason.If my Heavenly Father,the sovereign Lord and creator of this Earth and world,humanity and the universe surrounding the Earth constantly,meant for me to be a female,I would have been born a female,but as stated,I was born a male and I am a male as my Heavenly Father made me and meant for me to be a male.The thing is this;I have been battling Homosexuality/SSA for over a decade now.I have fallen short repeatedly,but I get back and start fresh after asking my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ,who endured torture and gave his life on a cross so I may live in freedom from all sorts of sin and not have to be enslaved to any sort of sin anymore.I know that I shouldn't make Heterosexuality my true and main goal in this process of healing and freedom from Homosexuality/SSA,but I so desperately need to attain my true identity so bad because the SSA struggle can stress me out at times and at those times,I feel very fed up by this struggle as I can get so tired of this struggle that I have said to myself at times,even loudly,that "I Don't Want To Struggle With This Emotional Condition Anymore! I Am So Sick Of This Struggle! I Want To Be The Man That My Heavenly Father Intended Me To Be!"At times,the SSA struggle stresses me out so much that I really don't know whether I am coming or going.Coupled with my struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia,it gets even more difficult and stressful.Fellow blog followers and readers,I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me as I am going through this very terrible and difficult emotional time.I really need your prayers and your continuous positive verbal encouragement.My blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments in the comments section.Please pray for me and please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also show that I am not alone in this struggle.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
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