Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed over to the church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
The class and the worship service were both wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow congregants,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped a few local stores to pick up some things for lunch and dinner.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff away and had myself some lunch.After I was done with that,I did my personal PC work and when that was done,I headed back out to pick up a few more things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I started to prepare my evening meal and that went well.After eating,I decided to do a little bit more personal PC work and I watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day,as for me,going to church on Sunday makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still battling and dealing with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride,alongside the symptoms of schizophrenia.It is a double whammy that I struggle with psychiatric-wise and it never gets any easier.I am always hearing things that nobody else hears and I am also up and feeling good one day/minute and down and not so good the next day/minute.It never gets any easier to endure.The only good thing was that last night,I slept soundly without having the nightmares of committing suicide.Regarding that,I checked out a website that interprets dreams and when I checked suicide out,it explained that this represents a desperate attempt to escape your waking life.The other possibilities that it explained that I may be harboring feelings of guilt That I feel that I can't get over and I am turning aggression on myself.It advised that I needed to start approaching problems from a different angle.It also explained that another possibility is that I am saying goodbye to one aspect of myself and saying hello to a whole new me.It is symbolic of a personal transformation or a new stage of my life.I am taking this to mean that I am always continually saying goodbye to the old me that was once an active Homosexual/Gay man and trying to take on my true male identity,which I somehow lost connection with as I was growing up to be an adult male.I am still,in desperation,trying to regain my true identity,which is male,and the Heterosexual/Straight man that I am trying to recover and apply to myself.I am a male.I am also a man.I was born a male for a reason.If my Heavenly Father,the sovereign Lord and creator of this Earth and world,humanity and the universe surrounding the Earth constantly,meant for me to be a female,I would have been born a female,but as stated,I was born a male and I am a male as my Heavenly Father made me and meant for me to be a male.The thing is this;I have been battling Homosexuality/SSA for over a decade now.I have fallen short repeatedly,but I get back and start fresh after asking my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ,who endured torture and gave his life on a cross so I may live in freedom from all sorts of sin and not have to be enslaved to any sort of sin anymore.I know that I shouldn't make Heterosexuality my true and main goal in this process of healing and freedom from Homosexuality/SSA,but I so desperately need to attain my true identity so bad because the SSA struggle can stress me out at times and at those times,I feel very fed up by this struggle as I can get so tired of this struggle that I have said to myself at times,even loudly,that "I Don't Want To Struggle With This Emotional Condition Anymore! I Am So Sick Of This Struggle! I Want To Be The Man That My Heavenly Father Intended Me To Be!"At times,the SSA struggle stresses me out so much that I really don't know whether I am coming or going.Coupled with my struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia,it gets even more difficult and stressful.Fellow blog followers and readers,I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me as I am going through this very terrible and difficult emotional time.I really need your prayers and your continuous positive verbal encouragement.My blog gets many visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments in the comments section.Please pray for me and please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.They both help keep me going.They also show that I am not alone in this struggle.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ