Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I was hoping to get around to that much delayed cleaning up in my old room upstairs,but complications delayed the clean-up again.I went out only once today to get something from a local supermarket and a light lunch at a local pizzeria,which i took home to eat.
When I got home,I saw green droplets on the snow in my driveway.I told my niece about this and she let her live in boyfriend know and he advised me not to drive the car,with the exception of driving it to a garage near-by.I did leave a message with a local garage and I am hoping that they can squeeze me in so they can check my car out to see what the problem is.I did have a talk with my sister and I asked her if she could take me to church tomorrow morning and she said that she might,though I also told her that I left a message with someone that I worship with,though I didn't know if I would be hearing from them before the end of the day.She said that if I did and they agreed,then let her know and I said that I would.After that,I concentrated on preparing my evening meal and when it was finished,I ate it and did some more personal PC work after that.Overall,a pretty good day day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing with everything that I struggle with.This includes the psychiatric double whammy that I have and my struggles with the terrible SSA demon.The latter struggle at times gets even more difficult by the day.Today,I gave into a terrible temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/full erection and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping with sexual images of men clouding my mind and I proceeded to masturbate until I ejaculated.I really felt terrible after I did that.I also felt really miserable that I failed my Heavenly Father.After washing my hands,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him.I asked him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I did feel better after that.I moved with the rest of the day.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life and I am doing this little by little.I really need to start this when these terrible temptations start to rear their ugly head at me when least expected.It is just that I am alone and I have nobody living with me so I can relate and identify with in a healthy and authentic way.I really need to get these same-sex needs that I have fulfilled in authentic ways.I don't want to indulge in any sort of immoral sexual activity with other men as that would only re-affirm the Homosexual/Gay identity,which is the identity that I am trying desperately to escape from.I want to do what is right in the eyes of my Heavenly Father,but my sinful nature wants me to do the exact opposite.I know that I am not perfect and I will fall short at times,but I can't use imperfection as an excuse to sin.I have to avoid falling into the trap of habitual sin.I don't want that to happen to me.I don't want to habitually sin constantly and keep coming for forgiveness as I don't want to abuse that divine gift that my Heavenly Father gives out of his love.I am going to continue working on making frequent prayer a part of my life and I really have to get tough on myself.I am again appealing to all of my fellow blog followers who read my posts to please continue praying for me.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your encouraging words as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.Please pray for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things to help keep me going.I also need to keep my determination and motivation strong with both of these things.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual and finally getting around to cleaning up my old room upstairs,I have no other plans.But I do hope that I can attain positive benefits with what I choose to do.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I had a couple cups of coffee.After that,I got dressed and I headed for the bank to withdraw a little bit of money as I was heading for an AMVETS thrift store in the next county.After getting a little bit of money,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I showered quickly and after my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I registered all the bills at the Where's George site and gave a friend a call to let him know that I was coming to pick him up so we'd go there together.After picking him up,we headed there.
When we got there,we found some wonderful stuff.I bought another suit for church and a blanket.I also bought some tapes and some more vinyl records.After we paid for our stuff,we headed for home.
On the way home,we stopped at a nearby McDonald's for a sandwich and a drink.After that,we headed straight home.
I dropped him off at home and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my clothes and into a sweatsuit.I did my personal PC work and after that,I prepared my evening meal.
After eating,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.I also made plans for my evening retirement.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I was actually overwhelmed by the positive feelings that I felt while out in the community.I was having a wonderful time and that was great.It took my mind off of my struggles and I didn't think anything about the sexual stuff as being out in the community took my mind off of that and I just concentrated on what I was doing while out in the community.I escaped today unscathed and that was good.Still,I am asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.I need both of these things.They both help keep me going in this particular struggle.They also both help keep my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow Americans out there.
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and when I did,I got a phone call from a friend who needed a ride to a local charitable organization as he had no other way to get there.I told him that I would do it,but I had to shower first and promised him that when I was finished,I would call him to let him know that I was on my way.We hung up and I headed for my shower and I went through it quickly.After I was done,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I phoned him and said that I was on my way and he said that he would be ready to go when I got there.
I got dressed and headed over there and after picking him up at his home,I dropped him off at the charitable organization and I advised him to let me know that he made it home by simply leaving a message on my voice-mail.He said that he would and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I breezed through my personal PC work and I headed over to my nephew's house once I was finished with that for dinner.
The dinner was wonderful.We had lots of food,lots of talk and shared lots of thoughts and stuff.After that,I headed over to another person's house that I was invited to,but when I got there,he told me that he was tired and in bed and he said that we could get together tomorrow.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and I relaxed.I also did some more personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and watched it.I also made plans for my evening retirement.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
Today,since I was busy with my family having dinner and just talking about some things,I really didn't have any problems with SSA today.All of the events of the day took my mind off of these things.I didn't have anything troubling me nor trying to tempt me.I just wish that I could have social situations like this all of the time.I need stuff like this to take my mind off of the sexual aspect of this terrible SSA struggle of mine.In regards to my other struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia,I also didn't have much to worry about.I simply stayed busy with the socialization with my family and tried to stay upbeat and try to enjoy the day.It was pretty good.Still,I would really appreciate that y'all who follow my blog and read the posts that I write here to please continue praying for me and also,I would really appreciate a positive encouraging word or two in the comments section.I will also keep praying and continue to work on making frequent prayer a part of my day within my life.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,that friend who was tired today and I are hoping to go to the AMVETS store in the next county.I am hoping for a lot of bargains as it will be a Black Friday sale.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,but had a pounding headache.After I had a cup of coffee,I took something for it and went right back to bed and slept for a while.
After getting back up,I showered and I had my usual quick breakfast and another cup of coffee.After that,I quickly did my personal PC work and when that was done,I got dressed to go out and shovel the sidewalk for the mail-person so they can deliver the mail.It took about 15 minutes to do.Fortunately for my hometown,the Winter Storm Warning was discontinued so we didn't get the full brunt of snow like we were originally planned to get.I also cleaned off my car of snow and that took about five minutes.After all of my work was done,I went back into the house and changed back into a sweatsuit and I filled out a couple of paper job applications,which I will turn in on Monday afternoon.After that was done,I did some more personal PC work and when I finished that,I relaxed and popped a movie into the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I decided to watch another movie that I popped into the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.After that,I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia.It is a very difficult thing to struggle with and at times,I wished that I didn't to do so.I hear things that nobody else hears at times or my moods and/or emotions fluctuate when least expected.It can be pretty monotonous at times.It can also be draining and exhausting both emotionally and mentally.If having this psychiatric double whammy wasn't bad enough,I also have SSA struggles alongside that,which are made even more difficult by this particular psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.I have so much on my plate mentally that I can't stand it at times.Today,I gave into temptation twice.The first was that I again manipulated my genitals while still in bed as I was about to rise and later,I looked up sexual images of men online.I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ for falling short today at those two separate intervals as I really felt miserable and was also sorry for falling into sin.I feel like a terrible basket case at times when I sin by giving into temptation.It is just that I don't want to fall back into the trap of habitual sin and keep asking for forgiveness for my sins after I fall each time.I know that I am not perfect and my Heavenly Father also knows that,but I can't use human imperfection as an excuse to habitually sin.I am still working on getting tough with myself as I know that nothing happens overnight.I need to start praying regularly whenever temptation rears it's ugly head and ask for strength to help me fight and resist all sorts of temptations.I really need to do that.I need to show these unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.I need to show them that they don't define me in any way.I also need to show them that I won't let them dictate to me how I will act,live and behave.Fellow blog followers,I need prayers right now more than ever.I also need some words of positive verbal encouragement.I really need both of these things to stay on the road to overcome and heal and to also keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.Please continue praying for me and also leave me some words of positive verbal encouragement.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow is the Thanksgiving holiday.I will be having dinner with my family and will also spend time with friends who live here in my hometown.When I got home,I will just relax and take it easy for a spell while preparing my evening retirement.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the holiday ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and as the afternoon was drawing near,I got dressed up in dress clothes as I was going to meet my job placement counselor at the local Dept. of Labor in my hometown.
When I arrived there,we spent a little over half and hour looking over many possibilities.Most of them required experience in the fields that they had and others required college degrees.After that,she advised me top pick up a few job applications on the way home and fill them out there.I did that as we left the office and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to pick up a job application each and when I went to two other places,they said that they only took applications online.After making a couple of stops at a couple of local stores,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I had a few peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to tie me over until dinner.After I ate them,I did some more personal PC work and I relaxed for a while until it was time to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to pop a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.After that,I relaxed and prepared to retire for the evening.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of both BPD and Schizophrenia.Today,I wasn't feeling too down.I was up to what I had planned for today.I did feel a little hopeful and optimistic in going to the Dept.of Labor in my hometown to look over the various jobs that they had listed there.I will be turning the applications in hopefully on Monday as tomorrow,there is still a Winter Storm Warning in effect for 24 hours and I don't want to take any chances.I guess that tomorrow,if it really storms as they say it will,I will simply have to stay home and take it easy.I got plenty of movies to watch and I will just relax and watch some.In regards to my SSA struggles,I was out for much of the day and that took my mind off of sexual stuff.Still,the temptations were there,but since I was out for much of the day and kept my mind on other things,they simply faded.Though I did escape today unscathed,there will be tomorrow and the day after that and so on.Tomorrow,since I will be home all day,that provides a perfect opportunity for temptation to come at me when least expected.I will have to work on staying strong and keeping up in prayer to my Heavenly Father when that happens.I need to pray for strength and I need help in staying strong.I have to show these unnatural sexual desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.I am also asking that y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please keep up in praying for me.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both prayers and encouraging words.They both help in many ways as prayers and positive verbal encouragement are both very powerful tools.They have much power and can help in more ways than one.My blog gets many visitors,but comments of any kind are rare.I need words of encouragement as much as I need prayers.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep me strong in regards to my determination to overcome SSA and my motivation to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks to all of you in advance for both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,since it is supposed to storming with snow and blowing and drifting snow,I am simply going to stay home and take it easy.I am also going to watch a movie or two during the day.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I had only a few things on my agenda for today.The main thing on my agenda was that I had an appointment with the nurse practitioner at the local hospital.I headed over there and when I got to the local hospital,I dropped off an employment application at the front desk and headed over to her office and waited for a while in the waiting room.
The session was great.After some talk and some check-up's,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something.After paying for what I had to get,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I decided to lay down and relax as I had a terrible sinus headache.I took something for it and laid down for a while.I felt better after that and started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work and when that was done,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia.Today,on that front,I was emotionally feeling a little bit better.I wasn't feeling as down and tired as I was yesterday,which was good.Today,the only thing was that I had a terrible sinus headache,which went away when I decided to lay down and relax.I did feel better after laying down and I decided to prepare my evening meal.In regards to my SSA struggles,which my struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia make even more difficult,I actually gave into temptation twice today by manipulating my genitals when sexual images of men clouded my mind.Once in the early morning while in bed and later on when I laid down again for my headache.On both occasions,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive my sins,which I asked for in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and while asking for his forgiveness,I also accepted full and total responsibility for my fall into sin.I did feel better after that on both of those occasions.I really need to be extremely tough on myself and stick to my resolve to overcome this terrible SSA.I can't let Satan and his minions have their way with me.They continually spread the lies that nobody who is Homosexual/Gay can change and that we are to simply lives our lives as the unnatural sexual desires want us to live.They also spread the lie that there is nothing wrong with any of the sexual activity connected with Homosexuality and that it is inborn,genetic and normal.The thing is that our Heavenly Father says,through his sacred word the Holy Bible,that Satan is the ultimate liar and the father of the lie.The Holy Bible condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender and in it's own way,it says that this particular sexual activity is unnatural,unclean,impure,immoral,unnatural and above all,just plain wrong.I am still working on making prayer a part of my daily life and I really need to pray to my Heavenly Father whenever these terrible temptations to manipulate my genitals to sexual images of men keep coming around.I am still working on this.I am also again asking that y'all continue praying for me as I am going through this terrible and difficult emotional time.It is a very difficult emotional time for me.I need all the prayers that I can get.I also ask that y'all don't be shy and leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.They do help out in many ways.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also help keep my determination and motivation strong.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of meeting my job placement counselor at the local Dept.of Labor,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed over to the church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
The study class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something that I needed.After that,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my sweatsuit.After that,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to lay down for a while.I also listened to some music while lying down.
After eating,I decided to do some more personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and got ready to retire for the evening.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day as for me,going to church on Sunday morning always makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against the symptoms of BPD/Schizophrenia.Today,I was feeling pretty down and tired,which is one of the symptoms of BPD,Today was the first time in a long time that I was feeling down and drowsy,though I managed to stay awake and not fall asleep.I went through it much of the day.I even had a cup of hot green tea to try and keep myself awake,but I still remained sleepy.I laid down for about an hour and I did feel a little bit better,though still felt drowsy and down.I am hoping that I will feel better after a good night's sleep tonight and I will be much more up and feeling better tomorrow.I did have a minor fall in regards to my SSA struggles.I gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals to sexual images of men,but I managed to stop myself before it went way too far.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for falling into sin.I asked him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I prayed real hard and I left nothing out.I asked for forgiveness because I really felt bad and miserable for sinning.Little by little,I am trying to make frequent prayer a part of my day and life.I am determined to overcome this terrible SSA.I also want to overcome this terrible SSA.The minute that these terrible temptations come around,I need to pray and ask for strength to help me fight and resist them.I need to be tough on myself and I need to start now.I need to start praying and praying really hard whenever these terrible temptations come around.While I work on that,I am again asking that y'all who continually follow my blog and read my posts to please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some words of positive encouragement.I need some positive encouragement right now and as usual,prayers.They do help in a lot of ways.They help keep me going and keep both my determination and motivation strong.Please leave me some positive encouragement in the comments section and also,please continue your prayers for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my appointment with the nurse practitioner at the local hospital,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ