Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I was hoping to get around to that much delayed cleaning up in my old room upstairs,but complications delayed the clean-up again.I went out only once today to get something from a local supermarket and a light lunch at a local pizzeria,which i took home to eat.
When I got home,I saw green droplets on the snow in my driveway.I told my niece about this and she let her live in boyfriend know and he advised me not to drive the car,with the exception of driving it to a garage near-by.I did leave a message with a local garage and I am hoping that they can squeeze me in so they can check my car out to see what the problem is.I did have a talk with my sister and I asked her if she could take me to church tomorrow morning and she said that she might,though I also told her that I left a message with someone that I worship with,though I didn't know if I would be hearing from them before the end of the day.She said that if I did and they agreed,then let her know and I said that I would.After that,I concentrated on preparing my evening meal and when it was finished,I ate it and did some more personal PC work after that.Overall,a pretty good day day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing with everything that I struggle with.This includes the psychiatric double whammy that I have and my struggles with the terrible SSA demon.The latter struggle at times gets even more difficult by the day.Today,I gave into a terrible temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/full erection and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping with sexual images of men clouding my mind and I proceeded to masturbate until I ejaculated.I really felt terrible after I did that.I also felt really miserable that I failed my Heavenly Father.After washing my hands,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning against him.I asked him for this in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I did feel better after that.I moved with the rest of the day.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life and I am doing this little by little.I really need to start this when these terrible temptations start to rear their ugly head at me when least expected.It is just that I am alone and I have nobody living with me so I can relate and identify with in a healthy and authentic way.I really need to get these same-sex needs that I have fulfilled in authentic ways.I don't want to indulge in any sort of immoral sexual activity with other men as that would only re-affirm the Homosexual/Gay identity,which is the identity that I am trying desperately to escape from.I want to do what is right in the eyes of my Heavenly Father,but my sinful nature wants me to do the exact opposite.I know that I am not perfect and I will fall short at times,but I can't use imperfection as an excuse to sin.I have to avoid falling into the trap of habitual sin.I don't want that to happen to me.I don't want to habitually sin constantly and keep coming for forgiveness as I don't want to abuse that divine gift that my Heavenly Father gives out of his love.I am going to continue working on making frequent prayer a part of my life and I really have to get tough on myself.I am again appealing to all of my fellow blog followers who read my posts to please continue praying for me.I also ask that none of you be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I need both your prayers and your encouraging words as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.Please pray for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal encouragement.I need both of these things to help keep me going.I also need to keep my determination and motivation strong with both of these things.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual and finally getting around to cleaning up my old room upstairs,I have no other plans.But I do hope that I can attain positive benefits with what I choose to do.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ