Tonight,my road to recovery,though still a little rocky,moves forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After cleaning myself up,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things planned.I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to see if I could find some steel grip glue.After that,I decided to take a drive out to see how a friend of mine has been doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery moves forward,the road will still be rocky for a while.I am still dealing with the affects of my mother passing away.It isn't going to be easy,but I need to learn how to manage without her.I am still struggling,on a daily basis,with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the BPD struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.I am still attending therapy and I am still taking my medication.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about my struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I feel a tad better.It is simply a matter of taking it up with God and Christ and letting them help ease my pain and suffering.Thanks to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was a very overwhelming temptation and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this.I turned to the left side and just didn't touch my genitals and after that,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I did escape this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with the unnatural desires that I have and at times,the war cam seem too impossible to fight,but I also keep in mind that with God,all things are possible and the battle can be won.I am still going to continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for it's own good.With God and Christ leading the way,I feel better knowing that I am not alone in this fight and that is very reassuring.It is simply a matter of throwing the temptation on God and ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to get me through it and to help me to resist the temptation and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.If I ever do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I feel better knowing that I am forgiven and that God has forgotten my sin.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have church as usual,including the Holy Bible study class before the worship service.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still rocky,continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had some stuff planned.
For the next two days,including today,I have the house all to myself.My locally living sister is spending the weekend in New York City.My father is visiting relatives in Pennsylvania and will be meeting up with my youngest nephew where he is camping.My flight attendant sister will be going back home to Florida soon.I am all alone here in the house as I felt that I needed some time to myself after having people coming in or out of the house as result of my mom's illness and her passing a week ago.So,I am taking this opportunity to spend some time alone and just hang out for a spell.
After doing my PC work,I headed for the group site to drop off an application for added benefits.After doing that,I had lunch at a local kitchen and after that,I visited with a friend for a few minutes.After spending some time with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my prescription refill.After paying the co-pay for that,I headed over to my sister's house to pick up my laundry.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put my laundry away and I relaxed for a while.I also managed to get some work done that I have been putting off for quite some time.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
Though my recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It has been a little bit harder now since my mom has passed away and I am going to need all the help and support that I can get to get me through this.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.It also makes my SSA struggles very difficult as well.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more than anything as they have power far beyond what any human therapy can give.I simply talk about my struggles with God in the name of Christ Jesus,his son,and I feel only a little bit better.It is still difficult in itself,but talking with God and Christ and letting them take the wheel makes it a tad easier.It also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.It is simply a matter of talking about the BPD/Schizophrenia combination struggle with God and his son Christ Jesus and I feel a tad better knowing that I am not alone.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated until ejaculation.I really felt terrible after doing that,even though this fall was emotional mostly with only a little lusting involved.After cleaning myself up after giving in,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I went back to sleep.Though I do truly and sincerely believe that I am forgiven for my sins,I have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form the temptation might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with these fleshly and unnatural desires as they want me to do one thing,which is wrong,when I want to do another thing,which is right.I want to do everything that God's sacred word,the Holy Bible,says,but these unnatural desires that I have want me to do the opposite.I want to do what is right,but these unnatural desires that I have want me to do wrong,such as indulging in sinful sexual activity with members of my own gender.I am always fighting these desires as they never seem to let up.I am going to have to learn to be string enough to take these types of temptations to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help give me the strength to resist these immoral snares that want to envelope me and rule my life.I want to tell my desires that I won them and that they don't own me.I am going to have to continue to rely on God and Christ more whenever these desires try to overwhelm me greatly.I am in a period of great emotional distress and vulnerability as a result of my mother passing away last Friday and I really need all the prayers and support that I can get.To those who follow my blog and read the posts,please pray for me and ask God and his son Jesus Christ to help get me through this emotionally trying time.Thanks in advance for prayers and support.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still rocky,continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did only 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
My father and I first went to the local Social Security office to try and straighten some things out and it took shorter than we anticipated.After that,we headed straight home.
When we got home,my father took a walk over to my sister's house and I decided to finish that 1/4 of my personal PC work.
After that was done,I went to get ready for my spirituality group.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there hoping for it to be wonderful.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch.After eating,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to turn in a few empty cans and bottles.After that was done,I stopped over to see how a friend of mine was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my recovery continues onward,the rad is going to be rocky for a while as I am still learning how to cope without my mom being around.Her death was hard on the family,especially myself.My symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having it is going to be getting worse.I am going to experience mood changes and everything as I am trying to continue to hold on.I am just trying to hold my own and I must admit that it isn't easy.I will still never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.Plus,the schizophrenic tendencies that I have are also getting worse.But I am going to continue hanging in there and going the course of life.I will also continue going to my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am also going to continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle with the double mental illness whammy that I have seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle and endure.I will continue talking about my struggles with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting too impossible to handle as I know that both God and Christ will be there to help.I simply talk about this with them and after that,I feel a tad better knowing that I am not alone in my struggle.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was very overwhelming.I really had the overwhelming desire to grab my genitals and masturbate,but I fought it,I started to sit up and as I did,the erection started to soften and I sat up for a while until my genitals were finally soft enough for me to lie down and go back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a constant fight against these unnatural desires that I have and at times,the war can be really difficult.I am always getting tempted to masturbate and watch porn or do both.It also adds some stress to my life as well.But again,I am still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever it seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.Whenever the temptations to act out come around,I simply throw the temptations on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.It is simply a matter of taking it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ in prayer and talking about the temptation and asking them for help in sustaining me.If I ever do give into temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I feel better as I am forgiven and my sins are forgotten by God.It also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for all of their help.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though still a little rocky,continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I had to do some running for my sister and when I got home,I did my personal PC work.I then got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had some stuff that I needed to do.I first went to the local public assistance office to pick up an application.After that,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to turn in some empty cans and bottles that had accumulated in my car over several weeks.After turning all of those in,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,the road is still rocky as a result of my mom now dead.It hasn't been easy for me as I continue to struggle with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I never know how my mood will be.It is always unpredictable.It is now a little more rougher with my mom being dead and I am still in recovery from the shock of that and also,the hard and long road that goes with to overcome the hurt,sadness and the feeling of absence that goes with the loss of a family member,especially when it's own mother.The schizophrenic tendencies that I have are also getting worse as a result of that.I will still continue to take my medication and continue my therapy sessions.While the road right now is rough and it is very difficult,I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.It can get very overwhelming.I simply take my struggles and talk about them with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.The struggle when someone has a double whammy,BPD and schizophrenia mixed in,like I have is very difficult,but with God and Christ being there,it makes it a tad easier.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.This was a very overwhelming urge that I had to masturbate and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and stayed sitting up until the erection softened and when it did,I tried to go back to sleep,but had to get up again to use the bathroom and after I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I later gave into another temptation by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near to the point of orgasm and stopping.There was also some lusting involved as well.With that,I asked God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I felt better and all,but I still have to have the strength to resist this and ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me strength to fight and resist this particular urge whenever it comes.I am now at a very vulnerable state right now and I am being tempted to act out on thee unnatural desires that I have in a lot of ways and forms.I really need prayers from everyone who follows this blog and reads what I post here.I am in desperate need of prayers right now and they will all be appreciated.I will also continue to praying to God in the name of Christ Jesus myself as I could now use all the strength that I can muster up to fight and resist these sinful urges.I am hoping that I can be strong in this period of weakness and vulnerability.Yes,I need prayers desperately and I will also continue to pray myself.Thanks in advance for any prayers said.
Tomorrow,I have my usual Spirituality group and lunch at the local kitchen.I have no other plans for the rest of the day,but I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though it will be rocky for a while,continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.I had a few things planned and I wanted to get them done.
I first had to call the local Social Services office to make an appointment to discuss some things with them,mostly personal,and after that was done,I simply relaxed for a while.
After a while,I decided to go out and run a few errands.I still have to work on keeping busy.I went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things and after paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed for a while after doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,it is going to be rocky for a while and I am going to need all the help and support that I can get.I am glad to have my family and some caring friends from church and otherwise.It is still not going to be easy as I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.Last night,depression started to set in as a result of my mom's passing on Friday and the emotional eulogy that I gave.It is going to take me a while to start getting back where I would like to be emotionally and also,I have to also battle the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.I will continue my therapy and continue taking my medication as directed.I will also continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle, because without them,I feel that I won't make it through anything.I can never go it alone as that would be impossible.The battle with the symptoms of BPD with schizophrenia mixed in is difficult enough and going it alone is out of the question.I continue to rely on God and Christ more and when I talk about my struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ,I feel a tad better and it makes it only a tad easier.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that I never have have to go it alone.Thanks to both God and Christ Jesus for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This temptation was yet another overwhelming one and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and as I was sitting up,the erection started to soften and I also had to use the bathroom,which I did use and after I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I gave into a later temptation to manipulate my genitalia for the purposes of getting them erect and/or near orgasm and stop and yes,it was to sexual images of men for lustful and forbidden purposes.It wasn't any man that I know personally,it was simply images of men in general.After I did this,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive and after I was finished,I felt better and I went about my day.I am now becoming even more aware that Satan is using my struggles with SSA in hopes of me deciding to go back to the so called "Homosexual/Gay" lifestyle,but I am working on not giving them the satisfaction that Satan feels that he deserves and I refuse to surrender to the unnatural desires that I have to indulge in sinful sexual activity with another man or other men.I have to work on staying strong and showing these unnatural desires that I have that I own them and not them owning me.Regarding masturbation,I also have to show my male sexuality that I also own it and not it owning me,as masturbation is mostly being enslaved to your own sexuality and not making your sexuality a slave.I will still continue to rely on both God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too impossible for me to endure or fight.I have to keep throwing any sort of temptations on them and having those temptations be reduced to nil.If I do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I feel better knowing that I am forgiven for my sin and that God forgets sins once forgiven.It is a pleasure to worship God and also,learn how to properly serve him in the name of his son Jesus Christ.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I still have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,though it will be rocky for a while,my road to recovery is ongoing.I had an eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had quite a few things to do today.
After making a few important phone calls,I went to my building and improving self esteem group and was looking forward to this.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put everything away and I started to get ready for the memorial service for my mom.
The memorial service lasted for a while and everyone that my mom knew and everyone that I knew were there.It was wonderful seeing all the people who came and it was great that they also shared their condolences and shared in our grief.After it was over,we made preparations for the burial and we all headed for home.
When I got home,I had a light meal and got ready for bed.Overall,an eventful day and I still managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
While my recovery in ongoing,I will still be on a rocky road for a while as a result of my mom being no longer with us.The symptoms of BPD that I have are actually getting worse for now and also,the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD are also getting worse.I know that this is only temporary as this will reduce itself in time.I will continue taking my medication and keeping up with my therapy.I will also still continue to rely on both God and Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for it's own good.I simply talk about my struggles with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I feel a tad better.It is simply a matter of continually talking to to God and asking him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to get me through it all and after that,it is in their hands and I can feel better a little bit knowing that they are there.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes me feel a tad good.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.This was a very overwhelming temptation and I had to use all my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up and since I had to use the bathroom,I went to the bathroom and used it and after that,the erection softened and I went back to sleep after that.Though I did escape this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it comes in,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with these unnatural desires that I have and at times,it seems that they are winning and that I should surrender.But I won't surrender as I refuse to do so.I can't let these desires that I have win.I have to stay strong and show them that I won them and not the other way around.When it does become seemingly too unbearable,I still rely on both God and his son Jesus whenever that happens.If I am ever really tempted,I simply take the temptation to God and throw it on him in Jesus name and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil and I feel better.If I ever do give into any sort of temptation,I ask God to forgive me for sinning in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,all is forgiven and forgotten by God and I can move on.It shows that I am not alone in my fight or struggle and that is great.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery,though it will be rocky for a while,is still ongoing.I had a pretty good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for the church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.I had some wonderful fellowship and support from everyone in regards to my mom's passing.They all wished me well and the best of success as I now try to learn how to live on my own and handle things the same way.After all of it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into some casual clothes and I headed out to the local bargain movie theater to see The Dark Knight Rises.I have been waiting for this movie to come to the local bargain movie theater and I went to see it.
I enjoyed the film as much as I did the other Dark Knight films.I have been a fan of Batman all of my life and I really liked this film.After it was all over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and had some more socializing with my family.The outpouring of support from them and my friends,both online and church,has been very overwhelming.I also managed to get some personal PC work at the same time.
After eating,I watched the evening news and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.I also managed to get some Holy Bible reading in as well.For me,going to church on Sunday always makes the day eventful.
While my recovery is still ongoing,I still have to deal with the symptoms of BPD and the struggles that go with the territory of having it,including the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.I am also dealing with schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I still attend my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still in the grieving process of losing my mom on Friday and that is also making it more difficult.Then again,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply take it to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they help in sustaining me.The recovery is still difficult,but relying on them to sustain me makes it a tad easier.I have nothing to fear and I am not in this alone.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.It was a very overwhelming urge as well.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I simply sat up for a few minutes and as I was sitting up,the erection started to soften and after a few minutes,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might make itself,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always staying on guard and being watchful as they can take any form.I am always in a fight against these unnatural desires and it is a very difficult fight in itself.Still,whenever it gets too difficult,I am still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the temptation seems to be getting too unbearable for me to handle.I simply throw the temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and the temptation is reduced to nil.If I ever do give into any temptation,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive and after that,God forgives and forgets the sin.I am not alone in this fight and that makes me feel good.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,I have my building and improving self esteem group and later on,the memorial service for my mom.That is all that I have planned.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ