Tonight,my road to recovery,though still rocky,continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had some stuff planned.
For the next two days,including today,I have the house all to myself.My locally living sister is spending the weekend in New York City.My father is visiting relatives in Pennsylvania and will be meeting up with my youngest nephew where he is camping.My flight attendant sister will be going back home to Florida soon.I am all alone here in the house as I felt that I needed some time to myself after having people coming in or out of the house as result of my mom's illness and her passing a week ago.So,I am taking this opportunity to spend some time alone and just hang out for a spell.
After doing my PC work,I headed for the group site to drop off an application for added benefits.After doing that,I had lunch at a local kitchen and after that,I visited with a friend for a few minutes.After spending some time with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to pick up my prescription refill.After paying the co-pay for that,I headed over to my sister's house to pick up my laundry.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put my laundry away and I relaxed for a while.I also managed to get some work done that I have been putting off for quite some time.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in as well.
Though my recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next,or,from one minute to the next.It has been a little bit harder now since my mom has passed away and I am going to need all the help and support that I can get to get me through this.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggle even more difficult.It also makes my SSA struggles very difficult as well.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on both God and his son Jesus Christ more than anything as they have power far beyond what any human therapy can give.I simply talk about my struggles with God in the name of Christ Jesus,his son,and I feel only a little bit better.It is still difficult in itself,but talking with God and Christ and letting them take the wheel makes it a tad easier.It also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that is great.It is simply a matter of talking about the BPD/Schizophrenia combination struggle with God and his son Christ Jesus and I feel a tad better knowing that I am not alone.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated until ejaculation.I really felt terrible after doing that,even though this fall was emotional mostly with only a little lusting involved.After cleaning myself up after giving in,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and after that,I went back to sleep.Though I do truly and sincerely believe that I am forgiven for my sins,I have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form the temptation might take,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always at war with these fleshly and unnatural desires as they want me to do one thing,which is wrong,when I want to do another thing,which is right.I want to do everything that God's sacred word,the Holy Bible,says,but these unnatural desires that I have want me to do the opposite.I want to do what is right,but these unnatural desires that I have want me to do wrong,such as indulging in sinful sexual activity with members of my own gender.I am always fighting these desires as they never seem to let up.I am going to have to learn to be string enough to take these types of temptations to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help give me the strength to resist these immoral snares that want to envelope me and rule my life.I want to tell my desires that I won them and that they don't own me.I am going to have to continue to rely on God and Christ more whenever these desires try to overwhelm me greatly.I am in a period of great emotional distress and vulnerability as a result of my mother passing away last Friday and I really need all the prayers and support that I can get.To those who follow my blog and read the posts,please pray for me and ask God and his son Jesus Christ to help get me through this emotionally trying time.Thanks in advance for prayers and support.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ