Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and before getting dressed,I decided to do some more cleaning up around the house to prepare for my mom's coming home.I even got a phone call from my mom this morning as well.
After doing some more cleaning up,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I decided to first pay a visit to my mom in the hospital to see if she has improved any more.She has improved minimally and that is good.After spending some time with her,I left the hospital and headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did a little bit more cleaning up and I relaxed while watching a movie.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is never and easy thing to deal with.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am continuing to attend my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more to help keep me sustained.Without them,I would be on the road to nowhere.The medication that I take does help,but the help of God and Christ does more than what medication can do.Whenever the struggle seems to feel out of control or too unbearable,I throw it on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and that helps keep me sustained.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.The urge to masturbate it away was really overwhelming and I tossed and turned,but decided to sit up and as I did that,the erection softened and for a while,I continued sitting up until the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,regardless of what form the temptation might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always staying on guard and being watchful as these temptations can come whenever I am not expecting them.The temptations can be very overwhelming and the urge to give in can be pretty strong.But as I said before,when that happens,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through.Whenever the temptations get too overwhelming and the urge to give in strong,I throw it on God and his son Jesus Christ and I keep talking about it until the temptation is nil and I can go on with the rest of the day.If the temptations come back,I simply go to God and Christ again and it is also the same as it was earlier when the initial temptation happened.Thanks again to both God and Christ for all their help and also,for setting me free from the trap of Homosexuality/SSA and for opening my eyes to the truth.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Tomorrow morning,there is a special outdoor church service in a park where a picnic is going to be after the service and I am looking forward to that.with the rest of the day,I am just going to do some more cleaning up and relax for the rest of the day.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
After eating a light lunch,I decided to go to the hospital and pat my mom a visit.After spending some time talking with her and everything,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I called my niece and she came over to do some necessary cleaning up around the house to prepare for my mom's coming home.After it was done,which took some time,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the player and watched it.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.It sometimes happens all on the same day.I simply don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next or from one minute to the next.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggle even more difficult.But despite these difficulties,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more than on my own strength.I am still in therapy and I am still taking my medication as directed,but that is not enough,as I do need God and Christ in my life to help ease me whenever this struggle seems to be getting out of control or too unbearable to endure.Without them,I would be on the road to nowhere and the struggle would feel too unbearable.I am constantly relying on them to help sustain me and keep me on the right track.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.Fortunately,it didn't last long.I simply started to sit up and as I did,the erection started to soften.I sat up for a while and didn't lay back down until my genitals were soft.I had to get up and use the bathroom anyway and when I was finished in the bathroom,I laid back down.Though I did escape the episode,I am still keeping in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as I never know when the temptation will strike.It seems to strike when I am not even thinking of anything sexual,but somehow,anything sexual can cross my mind at anytime.I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever that temptation rears it's ugly head at me.I simply throw it on them and they help in sustaining me and helping me to clear my mind of anything immoral.I simply keep talking to them about it and I don't stop until it fades away.The more that I do that,the more I feel better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
After eating a light lunch,I decided to go to the hospital and pat my mom a visit.After spending some time talking with her and everything,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I called my niece and she came over to do some necessary cleaning up around the house to prepare for my mom's coming home.After it was done,which took some time,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the player and watched it.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading in.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.It sometimes happens all on the same day.I simply don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next or from one minute to the next.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggle even more difficult.But despite these difficulties,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more than on my own strength.I am still in therapy and I am still taking my medication as directed,but that is not enough,as I do need God and Christ in my life to help ease me whenever this struggle seems to be getting out of control or too unbearable to endure.Without them,I would be on the road to nowhere and the struggle would feel too unbearable.I am constantly relying on them to help sustain me and keep me on the right track.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.Fortunately,it didn't last long.I simply started to sit up and as I did,the erection started to soften.I sat up for a while and didn't lay back down until my genitals were soft.I had to get up and use the bathroom anyway and when I was finished in the bathroom,I laid back down.Though I did escape the episode,I am still keeping in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as I never know when the temptation will strike.It seems to strike when I am not even thinking of anything sexual,but somehow,anything sexual can cross my mind at anytime.I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever that temptation rears it's ugly head at me.I simply throw it on them and they help in sustaining me and helping me to clear my mind of anything immoral.I simply keep talking to them about it and I don't stop until it fades away.The more that I do that,the more I feel better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I really didn't have much time,so I got dressed and I headed for my spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful.After the group was over,I had a quick lunch courtesy of the program that had the group within it and after eating that,I headed for the post office to mail out something that needed to be mailed out.After that was done,I headed over to the hospital,but my mom wasn't in her room as she went to another place outside the hospital for tests and after waiting some time,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finally got around to doing my personal PC work and was glad to have gotten it done.After it was finished,I relaxed and watched A DVD while relaxing.In between all of that,I did manage to phone my niece to see how everything was,but they had no real concrete answers as of yet.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and that is a very difficult thing to struggle with.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and it is never easy.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God more than on my own strength because I would be nowhere without God and his son Jesus Christ leading the way.The struggle with mental illness is always a difficult thing,but relying on God and Christ more makes it only a tad easier.I am going to have to continue relying on God more because without them,the struggle might seem to get too unbearable to handle.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.After I fell yesterday,I didn't want to fall again today as this urge was really overwhelming.I simply turned to God and asked him to keep me strong and to help sustain me in the midst of this temptation.I kept up praying until my penis started to soften and after the prayer,I had to get up and use the bathroom and after I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take or be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.The temptation to act out can take many forms and I get tempted daily to act out in many ways.Last night,I really had to talk in prayer to God and explain everything to him as I really didn't know why I was being tempted and that I didn't know whether I was coming or going as a result of being tempted constantly.I really poured out my soul to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I was almost on the verge of tears when I did that.I did feel better as a result of that and I did sleep pretty good.I have to continually rely on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ more and to keep constantly asking them to keep me strong in the face of temptation.I know that I can't rely on my own as that will make me fail constantly.I will continue to pray and ask for help continuously whenever temptation seems to rear it's ugly head at me.Thanks to both God and Christ for their help.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I really didn't have much time,so I got dressed and I headed for my spirituality group.
The group meeting was wonderful.After the group was over,I had a quick lunch courtesy of the program that had the group within it and after eating that,I headed for the post office to mail out something that needed to be mailed out.After that was done,I headed over to the hospital,but my mom wasn't in her room as she went to another place outside the hospital for tests and after waiting some time,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I finally got around to doing my personal PC work and was glad to have gotten it done.After it was finished,I relaxed and watched A DVD while relaxing.In between all of that,I did manage to phone my niece to see how everything was,but they had no real concrete answers as of yet.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and that is a very difficult thing to struggle with.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and it is never easy.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God more than on my own strength because I would be nowhere without God and his son Jesus Christ leading the way.The struggle with mental illness is always a difficult thing,but relying on God and Christ more makes it only a tad easier.I am going to have to continue relying on God more because without them,the struggle might seem to get too unbearable to handle.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.After I fell yesterday,I didn't want to fall again today as this urge was really overwhelming.I simply turned to God and asked him to keep me strong and to help sustain me in the midst of this temptation.I kept up praying until my penis started to soften and after the prayer,I had to get up and use the bathroom and after I was finished,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it might take or be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.The temptation to act out can take many forms and I get tempted daily to act out in many ways.Last night,I really had to talk in prayer to God and explain everything to him as I really didn't know why I was being tempted and that I didn't know whether I was coming or going as a result of being tempted constantly.I really poured out my soul to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I was almost on the verge of tears when I did that.I did feel better as a result of that and I did sleep pretty good.I have to continually rely on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ more and to keep constantly asking them to keep me strong in the face of temptation.I know that I can't rely on my own as that will make me fail constantly.I will continue to pray and ask for help continuously whenever temptation seems to rear it's ugly head at me.Thanks to both God and Christ for their help.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to visit with my mom at the hospital.After spending some time with her,I headed out to finish what I had to do.
I first went to a local restaurant for a quick lunch and after eating,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff away and was hoping that my niece would come over and help me get rid of some stuff that needed to be thrown away,but something came up and it couldn't be done.As a result of this change of plans,I relaxed while watching a DVD.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD on a daily basis.It is a very difficult thing to struggle with and it is never an easy thing at all.I am usually on a continuous emotional roller coaster ride that happens day after day and at times,it happens all on the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.But again,I rely on God and his son Jesus whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.I simply talk to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I do feel a tad better.It is still a difficult struggle,but with God and Christ both leading the way,it is a tad easier.It shows that I never have to struggle alone.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again fell early this morning when I masturbated until ejaculation and it was both emotional and to degrading sexual images of men.When that happened,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that fall and after I was through praying,I felt better as I now knew that the slate was wiped clean.Lately,sexual images of men have been really clouding my mind and I really don't know why.For quite a while,I didn't have this problem,but now,they seem to be coming back with a vengeance.I think that this is the work of Satan and his minions.I know too much about the truth about Homosexuality that Satan and his minions are using these images to try and woo me back into that sinful sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle.I am trying to say to the devil "NO",but the unnatural desires that I have are being used by the devil to try and get me to change my mind about that sinful sexual lifestyle that God abhors and condemns in his sacred word,the Holy Bible,and he is using every evil weapon on me to get me to change my mind.But I must tell that wicked and powerful angel known as Satan that I am going to try and follow God's laws instead of following the world under his control.I fell today,but I have to try and continue to use all of my strength to fight and resist these urges.I have to keep saying to myself:"I am a Heterosexual man with a Homosexual problem".My body is made to be compatible with a female and it is not to be used for anything else that is sinful,immoral and unacceptable.I also have to keep relying on God and his son Jesus Christ for strength to resist these urges and to continue to seek them and their guidance in everything.Thanks to them both for all of their hard work.I am also seeking prayers from those who follow my blog regularly and they are always appreciated.Thanks in advance for all prayers offered and please share a friendly word or two on my blog as an encouragement.A positive comment or two would really make my day,especially when it is encouraging.Thanks again in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.I also have plans to have lunch at a local kitchen,mail out an important letter and visit my mom at the hospital.Aside from these things,I have nothing else planned.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to visit with my mom at the hospital.After spending some time with her,I headed out to finish what I had to do.
I first went to a local restaurant for a quick lunch and after eating,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff away and was hoping that my niece would come over and help me get rid of some stuff that needed to be thrown away,but something came up and it couldn't be done.As a result of this change of plans,I relaxed while watching a DVD.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD on a daily basis.It is a very difficult thing to struggle with and it is never an easy thing at all.I am usually on a continuous emotional roller coaster ride that happens day after day and at times,it happens all on the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.But again,I rely on God and his son Jesus whenever the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.I simply talk to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I do feel a tad better.It is still a difficult struggle,but with God and Christ both leading the way,it is a tad easier.It shows that I never have to struggle alone.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again fell early this morning when I masturbated until ejaculation and it was both emotional and to degrading sexual images of men.When that happened,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that fall and after I was through praying,I felt better as I now knew that the slate was wiped clean.Lately,sexual images of men have been really clouding my mind and I really don't know why.For quite a while,I didn't have this problem,but now,they seem to be coming back with a vengeance.I think that this is the work of Satan and his minions.I know too much about the truth about Homosexuality that Satan and his minions are using these images to try and woo me back into that sinful sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle.I am trying to say to the devil "NO",but the unnatural desires that I have are being used by the devil to try and get me to change my mind about that sinful sexual lifestyle that God abhors and condemns in his sacred word,the Holy Bible,and he is using every evil weapon on me to get me to change my mind.But I must tell that wicked and powerful angel known as Satan that I am going to try and follow God's laws instead of following the world under his control.I fell today,but I have to try and continue to use all of my strength to fight and resist these urges.I have to keep saying to myself:"I am a Heterosexual man with a Homosexual problem".My body is made to be compatible with a female and it is not to be used for anything else that is sinful,immoral and unacceptable.I also have to keep relying on God and his son Jesus Christ for strength to resist these urges and to continue to seek them and their guidance in everything.Thanks to them both for all of their hard work.I am also seeking prayers from those who follow my blog regularly and they are always appreciated.Thanks in advance for all prayers offered and please share a friendly word or two on my blog as an encouragement.A positive comment or two would really make my day,especially when it is encouraging.Thanks again in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.I also have plans to have lunch at a local kitchen,mail out an important letter and visit my mom at the hospital.Aside from these things,I have nothing else planned.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up early when the phone rang.It was my mom calling from the hospital and after talking with her for a few minutes,I went back to sleep for another hour.After that,I got up and I bathed.After my bath,I had breakfast,a couple cups of coffee and after that was done,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to pop a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.
After lunch,I headed over to the hospital to pay my mom a little visit.After spending some time talking with her,I headed out for home,but first went for a drive to find a certain location where a special outdoor worship service is going to be held this coming Sunday and that will include a picnic lunch.After finding where the location was,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched another DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is a very difficult struggle indeed,but I still continue to hang in there and keep living and going on with life.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to feel too unbearable to handle.I simply turn to them in prayer and they help keep me sustained and help me to deal with this struggle one day at a time.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.When this happened,I simply turned to God in prayer to help get me through this temptation as it was a very overwhelming urge to give in.I simply kept talking to God until the erection softened and I went back to sleep thanking him.Later on,I had to stop myself from manipulating my genitals to get them erect for the purpose of masturbation and yes,sexual images of men were again clouding my mind.I stopped myself and I asked God to forgive me for that and after that,I felt netter.I guess that the next time that this particular urge comes,I have to turn to God and his son Jesus Christ for the purpose of being strengthened to resist that unclean practice of touching myself inappropriately and asking God to help me resist that urge.This type of urge gets really overwhelming.I have a difficult time trying to resist this type of urge.I am going to have to continue praying to God whenever this urge comes around.I don't want to have a share in any immoral sexual activity,including the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.I am asking for some prayers by those who continually follow my blog.Please pray for me and also,pray for my mom who is in the hospital recuperating.Please offer prayers as I would really appreciate that.Thanks in advance for doing so.Thanks also to God and Christ for all of their help.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up early when the phone rang.It was my mom calling from the hospital and after talking with her for a few minutes,I went back to sleep for another hour.After that,I got up and I bathed.After my bath,I had breakfast,a couple cups of coffee and after that was done,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to pop a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.
After lunch,I headed over to the hospital to pay my mom a little visit.After spending some time talking with her,I headed out for home,but first went for a drive to find a certain location where a special outdoor worship service is going to be held this coming Sunday and that will include a picnic lunch.After finding where the location was,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched another DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is a very difficult struggle indeed,but I still continue to hang in there and keep living and going on with life.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to feel too unbearable to handle.I simply turn to them in prayer and they help keep me sustained and help me to deal with this struggle one day at a time.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.When this happened,I simply turned to God in prayer to help get me through this temptation as it was a very overwhelming urge to give in.I simply kept talking to God until the erection softened and I went back to sleep thanking him.Later on,I had to stop myself from manipulating my genitals to get them erect for the purpose of masturbation and yes,sexual images of men were again clouding my mind.I stopped myself and I asked God to forgive me for that and after that,I felt netter.I guess that the next time that this particular urge comes,I have to turn to God and his son Jesus Christ for the purpose of being strengthened to resist that unclean practice of touching myself inappropriately and asking God to help me resist that urge.This type of urge gets really overwhelming.I have a difficult time trying to resist this type of urge.I am going to have to continue praying to God whenever this urge comes around.I don't want to have a share in any immoral sexual activity,including the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.I am asking for some prayers by those who continually follow my blog.Please pray for me and also,pray for my mom who is in the hospital recuperating.Please offer prayers as I would really appreciate that.Thanks in advance for doing so.Thanks also to God and Christ for all of their help.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, August 13, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Monday afternoon group for building and improving self esteem.I was looking forward to this as I usually do every week.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group went great and after the group was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the hospital to see how my mom was doing and after several minutes,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,it is still a rough and rocky road at best.Then again,it goes with the territory of having BPD.My mood changes by the day and at times,it changes within the same day.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am on and at times,it can feel like it will become unbearable.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.Aside from that,I am also going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when it seems that it is really getting too unbearable to handle.I simply talk to both God and Christ and they help sustain me.It is wonderful to rely on the one responsible for me being here and the son that he sent for us to break us free from the bondage of sin.Thanks again to both God and Christ for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.Like the previous two occurrences,this didn't last very long.I simply started to get up and the erection started to die down.I sat up for about a few minutes and when the erection fully softened,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Later on while bathing,my mind started to wander and degrading sexual images of men started to cloud my mind and I had to stop myself as I was also attempting to get erect by manipulating my genitals to attain erection and then proceed to masturbation.I simply asked God to forgive me for that and after that,I felt better.Though I escaped those episodes,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to use all my strength and know how to fight and resist these urges.It can get really difficult as the urge to act out can be really strong and overwhelming.While that can be,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle and/or endure.I simply throw it on God in the name of son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.I have to continue praying and relying on God and Christ more.Without them,it is impossible to endure and fight.Thanks to both God and Christ for that.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Monday afternoon group for building and improving self esteem.I was looking forward to this as I usually do every week.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group went great and after the group was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the hospital to see how my mom was doing and after several minutes,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,it is still a rough and rocky road at best.Then again,it goes with the territory of having BPD.My mood changes by the day and at times,it changes within the same day.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am on and at times,it can feel like it will become unbearable.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.Aside from that,I am also going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when it seems that it is really getting too unbearable to handle.I simply talk to both God and Christ and they help sustain me.It is wonderful to rely on the one responsible for me being here and the son that he sent for us to break us free from the bondage of sin.Thanks again to both God and Christ for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.Like the previous two occurrences,this didn't last very long.I simply started to get up and the erection started to die down.I sat up for about a few minutes and when the erection fully softened,I laid back down and went back to sleep.Later on while bathing,my mind started to wander and degrading sexual images of men started to cloud my mind and I had to stop myself as I was also attempting to get erect by manipulating my genitals to attain erection and then proceed to masturbation.I simply asked God to forgive me for that and after that,I felt better.Though I escaped those episodes,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to use all my strength and know how to fight and resist these urges.It can get really difficult as the urge to act out can be really strong and overwhelming.While that can be,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle and/or endure.I simply throw it on God in the name of son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.I have to continue praying and relying on God and Christ more.Without them,it is impossible to endure and fight.Thanks to both God and Christ for that.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though it has been rocky the past couple of days,including today.I had a pretty good and eventful day today.
Today,I was initially awakened out of a deep sleep by my mom.She tried,on her own,but was failing,to get up to use the bathroom.I had to get up and turn on a light so we could see where we were going as I led her there.After she used it,I led her back to her room so she could get back in bed.I went back to sleep and I got up a little over an hour and a half later.
When I did get up,I bathed quickly and after I was finished,I had to put off breakfast because I had to lead my mom to the bathroom again.After she was finished,I led her back to her bedroom again and I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and called my niece to come over to watch over my mom while I was in church.After hanging up the phone,I headed over to the church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.After some great fellowship,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something for my mom and a few things for myself.After paying for the items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I made a phone call to my niece to check up on my mom and she told me that she was just out of a cat scan and she would let me know if she learns anything.I hung up and heated up a can of soup for my lunch.After lunch,I did my personal PC work and after that,I did the dishes to keep myself busy as I awaited that phone call from my niece.
As I awaited that call,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I relaxed while watching it.
Regarding my mom,there was nothing broken,but they are keeping her overnight for observation.I don't know when she will be coming home.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.For me,going to church each Sunday makes the day eventful.
While my recovery continues onward,the road is still rocky as it has been the last couple of days,including today.With my mom falling yesterday,feeling pain and not able to walk on her own,I had a lot of stress going on and that made the recovery very difficult.As I have said in previous blog entries,I suffer and struggle with BPD and that is a very difficult thing to struggle with.With the current things happening right now,I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride.One minute I am up while the next minute,I am down.I don't how my mood will be from one minute to the next.Plus,having schizophrenic tendencies also makes it even more difficult.I have to put up with hearing things or sounds that nobody else hears.This really makes the struggle more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.When that happens,I simply turn to God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through the difficulties.It is never easy struggling with any form of mental illness,but with the help of God and Christ,I can get through anything.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection awoke me up out of a deep sleep.This one,though as throbbing as it did,didn't last very long.I simply sat up and the erection started to soften and I sat up for a while until the erection had softened all the way.I went back to sleep after that,but was awakened later on when I heard my mom yelling in pain as she unsuccessfully tried to get up to use the bathroom and I had to help her to the bathroom and back to her room again.Though I did escape that,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always having to stay on guard and be watchful whenever that temptation strikes.I always have to use all the strength that I can muster up to fight and resist these temptations.But again,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever it seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.Whenever temptation seems to be trying to get the better of me,I simply turn to both God and Christ to help me get through this temptation as I thrown it on them and after doing that,I start to feel better.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle as they,God and Christ,are there to help get me through any difficulties and get me out unscathed.In the event that I do give into the temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me and after that,the slate is wiped clean.Once again,I thank God and Christ for being there and getting me through all sorts of temptations.
Tomorrow,I do have my usual building and improving self esteem group,but I am not sure if I will go to it as a result of what happened to my mom yesterday.I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
That was my day today and my hopes and possible plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I was initially awakened out of a deep sleep by my mom.She tried,on her own,but was failing,to get up to use the bathroom.I had to get up and turn on a light so we could see where we were going as I led her there.After she used it,I led her back to her room so she could get back in bed.I went back to sleep and I got up a little over an hour and a half later.
When I did get up,I bathed quickly and after I was finished,I had to put off breakfast because I had to lead my mom to the bathroom again.After she was finished,I led her back to her bedroom again and I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and called my niece to come over to watch over my mom while I was in church.After hanging up the phone,I headed over to the church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.After some great fellowship,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something for my mom and a few things for myself.After paying for the items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I made a phone call to my niece to check up on my mom and she told me that she was just out of a cat scan and she would let me know if she learns anything.I hung up and heated up a can of soup for my lunch.After lunch,I did my personal PC work and after that,I did the dishes to keep myself busy as I awaited that phone call from my niece.
As I awaited that call,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I relaxed while watching it.
Regarding my mom,there was nothing broken,but they are keeping her overnight for observation.I don't know when she will be coming home.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.For me,going to church each Sunday makes the day eventful.
While my recovery continues onward,the road is still rocky as it has been the last couple of days,including today.With my mom falling yesterday,feeling pain and not able to walk on her own,I had a lot of stress going on and that made the recovery very difficult.As I have said in previous blog entries,I suffer and struggle with BPD and that is a very difficult thing to struggle with.With the current things happening right now,I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride.One minute I am up while the next minute,I am down.I don't how my mood will be from one minute to the next.Plus,having schizophrenic tendencies also makes it even more difficult.I have to put up with hearing things or sounds that nobody else hears.This really makes the struggle more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.When that happens,I simply turn to God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through the difficulties.It is never easy struggling with any form of mental illness,but with the help of God and Christ,I can get through anything.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection awoke me up out of a deep sleep.This one,though as throbbing as it did,didn't last very long.I simply sat up and the erection started to soften and I sat up for a while until the erection had softened all the way.I went back to sleep after that,but was awakened later on when I heard my mom yelling in pain as she unsuccessfully tried to get up to use the bathroom and I had to help her to the bathroom and back to her room again.Though I did escape that,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always having to stay on guard and be watchful whenever that temptation strikes.I always have to use all the strength that I can muster up to fight and resist these temptations.But again,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever it seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.Whenever temptation seems to be trying to get the better of me,I simply turn to both God and Christ to help me get through this temptation as I thrown it on them and after doing that,I start to feel better.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle as they,God and Christ,are there to help get me through any difficulties and get me out unscathed.In the event that I do give into the temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me and after that,the slate is wiped clean.Once again,I thank God and Christ for being there and getting me through all sorts of temptations.
Tomorrow,I do have my usual building and improving self esteem group,but I am not sure if I will go to it as a result of what happened to my mom yesterday.I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
That was my day today and my hopes and possible plans for the day ahead.FJ
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)