Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though it has been rocky the past couple of days,including today.I had a pretty good and eventful day today.
Today,I was initially awakened out of a deep sleep by my mom.She tried,on her own,but was failing,to get up to use the bathroom.I had to get up and turn on a light so we could see where we were going as I led her there.After she used it,I led her back to her room so she could get back in bed.I went back to sleep and I got up a little over an hour and a half later.
When I did get up,I bathed quickly and after I was finished,I had to put off breakfast because I had to lead my mom to the bathroom again.After she was finished,I led her back to her bedroom again and I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and called my niece to come over to watch over my mom while I was in church.After hanging up the phone,I headed over to the church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.After some great fellowship,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something for my mom and a few things for myself.After paying for the items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I made a phone call to my niece to check up on my mom and she told me that she was just out of a cat scan and she would let me know if she learns anything.I hung up and heated up a can of soup for my lunch.After lunch,I did my personal PC work and after that,I did the dishes to keep myself busy as I awaited that phone call from my niece.
As I awaited that call,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I relaxed while watching it.
Regarding my mom,there was nothing broken,but they are keeping her overnight for observation.I don't know when she will be coming home.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.For me,going to church each Sunday makes the day eventful.
While my recovery continues onward,the road is still rocky as it has been the last couple of days,including today.With my mom falling yesterday,feeling pain and not able to walk on her own,I had a lot of stress going on and that made the recovery very difficult.As I have said in previous blog entries,I suffer and struggle with BPD and that is a very difficult thing to struggle with.With the current things happening right now,I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride.One minute I am up while the next minute,I am down.I don't how my mood will be from one minute to the next.Plus,having schizophrenic tendencies also makes it even more difficult.I have to put up with hearing things or sounds that nobody else hears.This really makes the struggle more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more when the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.When that happens,I simply turn to God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through the difficulties.It is never easy struggling with any form of mental illness,but with the help of God and Christ,I can get through anything.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection awoke me up out of a deep sleep.This one,though as throbbing as it did,didn't last very long.I simply sat up and the erection started to soften and I sat up for a while until the erection had softened all the way.I went back to sleep after that,but was awakened later on when I heard my mom yelling in pain as she unsuccessfully tried to get up to use the bathroom and I had to help her to the bathroom and back to her room again.Though I did escape that,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always having to stay on guard and be watchful whenever that temptation strikes.I always have to use all the strength that I can muster up to fight and resist these temptations.But again,I am still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever it seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.Whenever temptation seems to be trying to get the better of me,I simply turn to both God and Christ to help me get through this temptation as I thrown it on them and after doing that,I start to feel better.It shows that I am not alone in my struggle as they,God and Christ,are there to help get me through any difficulties and get me out unscathed.In the event that I do give into the temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me and after that,the slate is wiped clean.Once again,I thank God and Christ for being there and getting me through all sorts of temptations.
Tomorrow,I do have my usual building and improving self esteem group,but I am not sure if I will go to it as a result of what happened to my mom yesterday.I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
That was my day today and my hopes and possible plans for the day ahead.FJ