Tonight,I am feeling pretty good,hopeful and optimistic.I had a pretty good day today.I simply ran a few errands for my mom and I also got some stamps so I can mail out my Christmas cards on Monday.But I am thinking of mailing them out on Sunday evening so they can go out on Monday morning first thing.The rest of the stuff that I had to get was just minor things such as coffee and a can of diced tomatoes for tonight's pasta dinner.
Tonight is my night to entertain the crowd.I am looking forward to this with a lot of enthusiasm and optimism,including a little hope to sweeten it.I will be doing my yearly tribute to John Lennon.Tonight is the 27th anniversary of his passing.I am looking forward to this as I look forward to singing every Saturday night.I am hoping that the night goes over well for me.Though I rarely,if ever,have an off night singing,I still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.But I feel that everything is going to go well for me as it has always went.But I still hope for things to go well.I feel that there is nothing wrong with a little bit of hope.
I am now at home relaxing.I am feeling hopeful.I will be getting ready to go out later to really do what I really love to do.I really enjoy what I do.It is always a pleasure to entertain for some really appreciative people.It is always wonderful.But still,I always hope for the night to go good no matter what.
Tomorrow is Sunday.I have no plans but whatever I do,I hope that it affects me in a positive way.
That was my day today and my hopes for tonight and for the rest of the weekend.FJ
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Friday, December 07, 2007
Tonight,I am actually feeling pretty good.The work shift went by smoothly and I also had a very good lunch.There was no problem at work today.There were no loads left behind in the washers to finish and I simply did my work and dropped off what was clean at the drug/alcohol rehab center.After that,I only made a couple of stops along the way before going home.
After I got home,I did some personal computer work that needed to get done.It was nothing much.It was just some e-mail work that I had to do.After I had done that,I had a light dinner.
While I was eating my dinner,I did a virus scan on my computer and I also wrote out some Christmas cards that I have to send out on Monday.I also listened to a few of my Christmas 8-Tracks(Yes,8-Tracks) that I have in my personal collection.Most of the 8-Tracks that I played worked great and sounded great.I simply hooked up an old Bradford 8-Track player that I had to my Crosley nostalgic styled mini stereo with built in turntable,cassette player,radio and CD recorder.It was wonderful to listen to those after all those years.Plus,they were Christmas themed.It was awesome.I also had an awesome time writing out all those Christmas cards.These are actually going out out of or within the state of New York and out of the country.I still have more to write out but I am resting my hands at the moment from all that writing.Tomorow or Sunday afternoon,I will resume writing more for the local people that I know who I sent to regularly.
The best news all day is that there were no viruses or spyware on my computer and that made me feel better.
I am now relaxing at home.I am also getting ready for tomorrow night.I am going to entertaining the crowd as always by singing.I will be doing my yearly tribute to John Lennon.I will be singing songs that he did during his solo career and when he was in The Beatles.I am hoping that the evening goes well.
I also have to go to the post office and pick up some stamps so I can send out my Christmas cards.I will be sending out 56 in all.I still have more to send out when I get around to writing them.Most of these are going to my friends who are members of a couple of online forums that I am a member of.It is going to be wonderful to send them out on Monday.
I also watched two favorite holiday specials.They were Frosty The Snowman and Frosty Returns.I watched them on DVD so I could watch them without commercials.Overall,a pretty good day.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ
After I got home,I did some personal computer work that needed to get done.It was nothing much.It was just some e-mail work that I had to do.After I had done that,I had a light dinner.
While I was eating my dinner,I did a virus scan on my computer and I also wrote out some Christmas cards that I have to send out on Monday.I also listened to a few of my Christmas 8-Tracks(Yes,8-Tracks) that I have in my personal collection.Most of the 8-Tracks that I played worked great and sounded great.I simply hooked up an old Bradford 8-Track player that I had to my Crosley nostalgic styled mini stereo with built in turntable,cassette player,radio and CD recorder.It was wonderful to listen to those after all those years.Plus,they were Christmas themed.It was awesome.I also had an awesome time writing out all those Christmas cards.These are actually going out out of or within the state of New York and out of the country.I still have more to write out but I am resting my hands at the moment from all that writing.Tomorow or Sunday afternoon,I will resume writing more for the local people that I know who I sent to regularly.
The best news all day is that there were no viruses or spyware on my computer and that made me feel better.
I am now relaxing at home.I am also getting ready for tomorrow night.I am going to entertaining the crowd as always by singing.I will be doing my yearly tribute to John Lennon.I will be singing songs that he did during his solo career and when he was in The Beatles.I am hoping that the evening goes well.
I also have to go to the post office and pick up some stamps so I can send out my Christmas cards.I will be sending out 56 in all.I still have more to send out when I get around to writing them.Most of these are going to my friends who are members of a couple of online forums that I am a member of.It is going to be wonderful to send them out on Monday.
I also watched two favorite holiday specials.They were Frosty The Snowman and Frosty Returns.I watched them on DVD so I could watch them without commercials.Overall,a pretty good day.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better.I had a pretty good day today.The work shift went by smoothly.I also had a very good,if light,lunch.It was awesome.After my shift was done,I simply dropped off the clean laundry at the drug/alcohol rehab center and went home to relax a bit before going to my appointment with my substitute sexual absue support counselor.
I did a fraction of my personal computer work when I got home today while I was relaxing.It was not too much to do.I simply read a portion of my e-mails.After my relazation,I got dressed and went to my appointment.
While on the way there,I stopped at a post office to mail out an important letter.It was a purchase order that I was making so I could get a few CD's for a few members of my family for the holiday.I am hoping that these will be well received.I mailed them out by 3 day Priority Mail so it can get there in 3 days or less.I also had delivery confirmation put on it so I can check in a few days to see if it got there.
My session with my substitute sexual abuse support counselor went well.It wasn't a very long session as there was nothing mych to talk about.My next appointment will be with my regular counselor will be in January of the new year.It will be wonderful to have my regular counselor back after her long maternal leave.On the way home,I stopped at a couple of stores to pick a couple of things for my mom.I also went to do some personal shopping at a Wal-Mart in my hometown also while on the way home and at a Big Lots not too far away from there.
After a light dinner,I finished my personal computer work.I also did some last minute personal shopping before the evening was through.I had to get a few more personal items that I had forgotten to get earlier.Plus,the weather has been really COLD as of late but we are now supposed to get relief from the cold temps within the next few days.It will not be much.It will just be in the 30's and that's it.But it will be nice to have a break from all the cold temps where it will not be so cold.Overall,a pretty good day.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
I did a fraction of my personal computer work when I got home today while I was relaxing.It was not too much to do.I simply read a portion of my e-mails.After my relazation,I got dressed and went to my appointment.
While on the way there,I stopped at a post office to mail out an important letter.It was a purchase order that I was making so I could get a few CD's for a few members of my family for the holiday.I am hoping that these will be well received.I mailed them out by 3 day Priority Mail so it can get there in 3 days or less.I also had delivery confirmation put on it so I can check in a few days to see if it got there.
My session with my substitute sexual abuse support counselor went well.It wasn't a very long session as there was nothing mych to talk about.My next appointment will be with my regular counselor will be in January of the new year.It will be wonderful to have my regular counselor back after her long maternal leave.On the way home,I stopped at a couple of stores to pick a couple of things for my mom.I also went to do some personal shopping at a Wal-Mart in my hometown also while on the way home and at a Big Lots not too far away from there.
After a light dinner,I finished my personal computer work.I also did some last minute personal shopping before the evening was through.I had to get a few more personal items that I had forgotten to get earlier.Plus,the weather has been really COLD as of late but we are now supposed to get relief from the cold temps within the next few days.It will not be much.It will just be in the 30's and that's it.But it will be nice to have a break from all the cold temps where it will not be so cold.Overall,a pretty good day.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better.I had a not too exciting of a day today.I simply spent all day running errands for myself and my mom.After I completed the laundry pick-up and had lunch over at work,I ran the errands.I had to mail out a few important letters for my mom today so they would get to their destinations.They were simply bills.After that,I went home to take a nap because I did not get an awful lot of sleep last night.But even that was a chore.I had yet another flashback from my past when I used to have sexual relations with other men.I wound up masturbating to these.Though I felt miserable afterwards,I did feel better after asking for forgiveness from the creator.I still need to learn how I can overcome SSA and the stuff that accompanies it.I am going to take the advice of a friend and order that DVD of Overcoming Masturbation from that site called Evergreen International and see if it will help me out.It will have to wait until next month due to this being the Christmas season.But I am going to hold my head high and try to keep fighting.I need to know what it is I am doing wrong.
Tonight was also a first for me in a long time.I stayed home tonight and watched Santa Claus Is Coming To Town on DVD.The special was on the ABC network tonight but I watched the DVD so I would get no commercial interruptions.It was wonderful to watch that with no commercials.
The strange thing about tonight is that I no longer have those meetings to go to.The support group meetings at the church were closed off due to the problem of not having any co-leaders to take over.Not only that,attendance had dropped because members were getting more involved in their personal lives and taking on new responsibilities.But I am hanging in there.I feel that another group will be started soon.I am going to be talking to that lady again before the week is out.She did tell me that the group might start in January but I still would like to talk with her again about it.
Before the night was through for me,I did manage to get to a local drug store to drop off a prescription and pick up some Rolaids.I also got some Christmas cards that I need to send out next week to some friends of mine out of town and across the globe.I am hoping that they get them in time for the holiday.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes by smoothly.I also have to mail out something tomorrow and I also have an appointment with my substitute sexual abuse support counselor.I am hoping that the session goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day tomorrow.FJ
Tonight was also a first for me in a long time.I stayed home tonight and watched Santa Claus Is Coming To Town on DVD.The special was on the ABC network tonight but I watched the DVD so I would get no commercial interruptions.It was wonderful to watch that with no commercials.
The strange thing about tonight is that I no longer have those meetings to go to.The support group meetings at the church were closed off due to the problem of not having any co-leaders to take over.Not only that,attendance had dropped because members were getting more involved in their personal lives and taking on new responsibilities.But I am hanging in there.I feel that another group will be started soon.I am going to be talking to that lady again before the week is out.She did tell me that the group might start in January but I still would like to talk with her again about it.
Before the night was through for me,I did manage to get to a local drug store to drop off a prescription and pick up some Rolaids.I also got some Christmas cards that I need to send out next week to some friends of mine out of town and across the globe.I am hoping that they get them in time for the holiday.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes by smoothly.I also have to mail out something tomorrow and I also have an appointment with my substitute sexual abuse support counselor.I am hoping that the session goes well.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day tomorrow.FJ
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.I am feeling depressed,angry and lonely.Most of the depression has something to do with the weather we've been having.The weather has been COLD and snowy.Plus,today at work,I had to buy my own lunch as a result of there being no lunch to be served.We were supposed to have fried chicken but the coordinator is out sick and he did not fill the purchase order for the lunch ahead of time.I had to buy my own lunch today.I had a homemade burrito from a take out place.It was good and filling.No total loss but it was a pretty big shock.The rest of the day went by not too smoothly.I had to finish a job that was not finished by the previous day's person.That really made ne feel at edge,which is contributing to the anger that I am feeling at the moment.At least,I got my job done and that gave me a feeling of accomplishment.
Plus,I am feeling angry because these SSA feelings are not leaving me alone.Plus,an online forum that I am a part of is having divisions where one guy wants to throw in the towel and act out on his desires rather than resist and fight them.The men in the group are having mixed reactions,with a few of them being sympathetic to the case of Gay civil unions.I did e-mail the group moderator and I am going to be e-mailing the group owner after I am done here.I am hoping that this can be resolved soon without having to kick anyone out.Plus,I also had the intention of acting out with a Gay man that I knew but I did not let it happen.Or maybe,God did not let it happen.Instead,I gave him a ride to a local drug store so he could get his medication.Regarding my fight to resist these Gay desires,I did get rid of some Gay porn videos that I had in my closet to free up some room for the suits that I had in it.They were simply being bunched up together all at once and I needed to free up the space.At least,the Gay porn videos are no longer there for me to watch anymore.In fact,a TV that I used to watch them on with an accompanying VCR hooked up to it,broke down years ago and since it is an old tubed TV,I can never fix it since there are no tubes available anywhere anymore.No big loss there.I am glad to be rid of them.
My feelings of being lonely are there because tomorrow night,I will be staying home.As stated last week,there are no more support group meetings at the church that used to have them.Also as stated,the members are now busy with their own lives and the leaders could not find any co-leaders to take the helm when the leaders were doing other things with their lives.But I am hoping that there will be another group coming up soon that is supposed to help men and women with SSA.I am hoping that the group will start soon,which is supposed to be January.I will just have to hang in there until something happens.I will just have to pray hard until something happens.But I feel that something will happen soon for me before I know it,
Tomorrow is simply a pick up day.I am hoping that the pick up goes smoothly.I am also hoping to have lunch at work once that is done.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Plus,I am feeling angry because these SSA feelings are not leaving me alone.Plus,an online forum that I am a part of is having divisions where one guy wants to throw in the towel and act out on his desires rather than resist and fight them.The men in the group are having mixed reactions,with a few of them being sympathetic to the case of Gay civil unions.I did e-mail the group moderator and I am going to be e-mailing the group owner after I am done here.I am hoping that this can be resolved soon without having to kick anyone out.Plus,I also had the intention of acting out with a Gay man that I knew but I did not let it happen.Or maybe,God did not let it happen.Instead,I gave him a ride to a local drug store so he could get his medication.Regarding my fight to resist these Gay desires,I did get rid of some Gay porn videos that I had in my closet to free up some room for the suits that I had in it.They were simply being bunched up together all at once and I needed to free up the space.At least,the Gay porn videos are no longer there for me to watch anymore.In fact,a TV that I used to watch them on with an accompanying VCR hooked up to it,broke down years ago and since it is an old tubed TV,I can never fix it since there are no tubes available anywhere anymore.No big loss there.I am glad to be rid of them.
My feelings of being lonely are there because tomorrow night,I will be staying home.As stated last week,there are no more support group meetings at the church that used to have them.Also as stated,the members are now busy with their own lives and the leaders could not find any co-leaders to take the helm when the leaders were doing other things with their lives.But I am hoping that there will be another group coming up soon that is supposed to help men and women with SSA.I am hoping that the group will start soon,which is supposed to be January.I will just have to hang in there until something happens.I will just have to pray hard until something happens.But I feel that something will happen soon for me before I know it,
Tomorrow is simply a pick up day.I am hoping that the pick up goes smoothly.I am also hoping to have lunch at work once that is done.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, December 03, 2007
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a not too exciting of a day today.I stayed home most of the day due to the COLD winter weather.We are still in Autumn at the moment but it is beginning to feel like Winter.I stayed home much of the day as a result of the weather.I tried to take it easy but couldn't.I guess that I was still feeling at edge over something.I did not know what it was.I really do not know what made me feel a little angry but whatever it was,it made me masturbate again.Plus,I was still getting images of naked men begging me for a blowjob and wanting me to relieve them.I don't know what triggered this.But I am hoping that I feel better tomorrow.I am hoping that a good night sleep will make me feel better.I did have a hard time getting to sleep last night as well.Again,I really don't know what triggered this round of negative emotions.My theory is that I am frustrated because I haven't had any sexual relations with another man in a long time.If that is the case why I am feeling this way,I am not going to let this frustrating rut that I am in make me decide what I am going to do.I will not weaken nor will I give into unnatural desires with another man.No way.I am going to try to remain strong.I will not let my desires control me.I am going to try to control them.Men craving other men is as unnatural as women craving women and humans craving animals for sex(please pardon that extreme example)and I am not going to let my desires dictate to me how I am going to be nor will I let them decide who I am going to be,I am a Straight(i.e.Heterosexual) man with a Homosexual problem.I am not Gay.Nor will I be Gay.I refuse to be Gay.Plus,since I don't have to be Gay,I am not going to be Gay.Plus,there is no such thing as a Gay man.Each and every man is a Straight(i.e.Heterosexual)man and is biologically hardwired for sexual compatibility with a woman.Plus,the way it is according to the laws of nature and Heaven is that it is man and woman.It is not man and man nor woman and woman.Nobody is born anything regarding sexual orientation.It is a learned and aquired through the environments that each and every one of us grew up around.As I have many times stated,I am not going to go back to the Gay lifestyle nor will I go back to being enslaved to the image of a naked man with an erect penis nor a man standing tall with his erect penis sticking out of his pants.Plus,I do not want to go back to all those one blow stands where I am always sucking another guy's penis(i.e.dick,cock,prick)and being used for their own pleasure and I am not getting any pleasure out of it in return.No way I'm going back to that.No way at all.
Tonight,my anger management/conflict resolution group went well.It was another wonderful meeting.We also discussed what we would be going to do for the month of December.We are planning some very special things for this month.I am looking forward to the next meeting next Monday night.
Tomorrow is simply a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day tomorrow.FJ
Tonight,my anger management/conflict resolution group went well.It was another wonderful meeting.We also discussed what we would be going to do for the month of December.We are planning some very special things for this month.I am looking forward to the next meeting next Monday night.
Tomorrow is simply a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day tomorrow.FJ
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a not too eventful day today.I went to run an errand for my mom today.While I was doing that,I also ran a couple for myself.I bought a new billfold at Big Lot's today and I also bought a jar of turkey gravy for dinner tonight at Rite-Aid.I also picked up a few slices of pizza that I will be eating for lunch tomorrow.The thing that I had to do for my mom was that I had to pick up a container of Frozen Orange Juice for her.All in all,not too eventful of a day but it was pretty good.
My night of entertaining the crowd went well.As I planned,I did my yearly tribute to George Harrison.There was not too many people due to the weather,which while just COLD initially,turned really snowy.The snow was really coming down last night as the night for me was winding down.When I drove home,I had to use extreme caution to avoid slipping and crashing into someone else because the roads were really covered with a blanket of snow.Plus,I had to be careful for hidden icy patches.But I did make it home safe and sound.The roads were rough and snowy but I did make it home.It was a chore but I made it and that made me feel better.
Right now,weatherwise,it is now raining.It is not freezing rain but it is still rain.Tomorrow,we are supposed to get high winds and there is a High Wind Warning in effect until 1:00p.m.tomorrow afternoon.
Regarding the rest of the night,I might go out for a bit and have a drink with the guys at the place where I entertain.If I do,I hope that it will be great.
Tomorrow is my day off.I am hoping that the day goes well.I do have my anger management/conflict resolution group tomorrow night.I am hoping that the meeting goes well for me,too.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
My night of entertaining the crowd went well.As I planned,I did my yearly tribute to George Harrison.There was not too many people due to the weather,which while just COLD initially,turned really snowy.The snow was really coming down last night as the night for me was winding down.When I drove home,I had to use extreme caution to avoid slipping and crashing into someone else because the roads were really covered with a blanket of snow.Plus,I had to be careful for hidden icy patches.But I did make it home safe and sound.The roads were rough and snowy but I did make it home.It was a chore but I made it and that made me feel better.
Right now,weatherwise,it is now raining.It is not freezing rain but it is still rain.Tomorrow,we are supposed to get high winds and there is a High Wind Warning in effect until 1:00p.m.tomorrow afternoon.
Regarding the rest of the night,I might go out for a bit and have a drink with the guys at the place where I entertain.If I do,I hope that it will be great.
Tomorrow is my day off.I am hoping that the day goes well.I do have my anger management/conflict resolution group tomorrow night.I am hoping that the meeting goes well for me,too.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
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