Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a not too exciting of a day today.I stayed home most of the day due to the COLD winter weather.We are still in Autumn at the moment but it is beginning to feel like Winter.I stayed home much of the day as a result of the weather.I tried to take it easy but couldn't.I guess that I was still feeling at edge over something.I did not know what it was.I really do not know what made me feel a little angry but whatever it was,it made me masturbate again.Plus,I was still getting images of naked men begging me for a blowjob and wanting me to relieve them.I don't know what triggered this.But I am hoping that I feel better tomorrow.I am hoping that a good night sleep will make me feel better.I did have a hard time getting to sleep last night as well.Again,I really don't know what triggered this round of negative emotions.My theory is that I am frustrated because I haven't had any sexual relations with another man in a long time.If that is the case why I am feeling this way,I am not going to let this frustrating rut that I am in make me decide what I am going to do.I will not weaken nor will I give into unnatural desires with another man.No way.I am going to try to remain strong.I will not let my desires control me.I am going to try to control them.Men craving other men is as unnatural as women craving women and humans craving animals for sex(please pardon that extreme example)and I am not going to let my desires dictate to me how I am going to be nor will I let them decide who I am going to be,I am a Straight(i.e.Heterosexual) man with a Homosexual problem.I am not Gay.Nor will I be Gay.I refuse to be Gay.Plus,since I don't have to be Gay,I am not going to be Gay.Plus,there is no such thing as a Gay man.Each and every man is a Straight(i.e.Heterosexual)man and is biologically hardwired for sexual compatibility with a woman.Plus,the way it is according to the laws of nature and Heaven is that it is man and woman.It is not man and man nor woman and woman.Nobody is born anything regarding sexual orientation.It is a learned and aquired through the environments that each and every one of us grew up around.As I have many times stated,I am not going to go back to the Gay lifestyle nor will I go back to being enslaved to the image of a naked man with an erect penis nor a man standing tall with his erect penis sticking out of his pants.Plus,I do not want to go back to all those one blow stands where I am always sucking another guy's penis(i.e.dick,cock,prick)and being used for their own pleasure and I am not getting any pleasure out of it in return.No way I'm going back to that.No way at all.
Tonight,my anger management/conflict resolution group went well.It was another wonderful meeting.We also discussed what we would be going to do for the month of December.We are planning some very special things for this month.I am looking forward to the next meeting next Monday night.
Tomorrow is simply a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by smoothly.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day tomorrow.FJ