Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had a couple cups of coffee.I actually woke up with a terrible pounding headache and I couldn't think straight nor stay awake.I took something for my headache and laid back down while listening to some soft classical music.Within an hour,my headache was gone and I went into the bathroom to shower.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to head out to do a couple of things.
I first dropped off my laundry at my niece's house and after that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to check and see if they had something that I was looking for,which they didn't.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got back into a sweatsuit and did some more cleaning up in my old upstairs room.After that,I did some more personal PC work and relaxed.
After eating,I decided to watch a few more holiday themed DVD's and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA.The thing with the SSA struggle is that it's my most difficult struggle and my struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia makes it even more difficult.Today,I gave into yet another temptation to manipulate my genitals to sexual images of men clouding my mind and it led to ejaculation.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him as I was truly sorry for what I did.I don't know what really makes me do this thing so much.I really hate it when I fall short as I feel that I failed my Heavenly Father in my resolve to overcome and heal from SSA.I did feel better after praying and I went on with the rest of the the day.Fellow blog followers and readers,I need some helpful advice.How can I stop giving into the dirty,unclean and impure habit of genital manipulation?If anybody has any ideas to share,please share.I am open to anything.I want to nip this habit in the butt for good,but I don't know how to go about it.If anyone has any suggestions,advice or anything that helped you if you struggled with this particular habit,please share.I am desperate.I want to stop this dirty,unclean and impure habit once and for all.I am sick of giving into this habit and I want to stop it as it has a negative effect on my goals to overcome and heal from SSA.This is a form of acting out on the unnatural desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA that I struggle with.Please share any advice or suggestions that you have.If anyone out there has overcome this particular habit,what worked for you as again,I am open to anything.I am also again asking that y'all please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some encouraging words in the comments section and also,please share what has worked for all of you if you also struggled with this particular habit of genital manipulation.As stated,I am open to anything as I really want to stop practicing this particular dirty habit as it isn't helping me in any way to overcome SSA as it is only making the problem worse as this habit isn't a good thing.Please share any advice or suggestions.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support,especially anything that can help me overcome this terrible habit of genital manipulation.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Friday, December 27, 2013
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a couple of things planned.
I first turned in some empty bottles that were given to me by my sister and after that,I went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a gallon of milk and a can of frozen orange juice.After paying for these things,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing.After a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I shoveled the walk for the mail people and after that was done,I went into the house to relax and watch another holiday themed video.
After eating,I decided to watch another holiday themed video.I also prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,with the latter struggle being made more difficult by the former struggle.I never know how things will be for me from one day to the next or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next.I also have to put up with overwhelming temptations to act out on the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.These temptations can be very overwhelming and also,very difficult to resist.I am still working on everything that I need to do.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life.I really need to work on starting to pray often.I feel that this is why the temptations are really overwhelming.I also have to keep in mind that whenever I do resist any temptations,they can come back stronger than before due to the resistance of them.I have to keep that in mind constantly.I hate it when temptation comes around and I also hate it when I give into any temptations when they come around.While I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life,I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.I also need some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things constantly day in and day out.They both help out in a lot of ways.They can help boost self confidence and self esteem the more that they are used and offered.Again,please continue giving me your prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a couple of things planned.
I first turned in some empty bottles that were given to me by my sister and after that,I went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a gallon of milk and a can of frozen orange juice.After paying for these things,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing.After a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I shoveled the walk for the mail people and after that was done,I went into the house to relax and watch another holiday themed video.
After eating,I decided to watch another holiday themed video.I also prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,with the latter struggle being made more difficult by the former struggle.I never know how things will be for me from one day to the next or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next.I also have to put up with overwhelming temptations to act out on the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.These temptations can be very overwhelming and also,very difficult to resist.I am still working on everything that I need to do.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life.I really need to work on starting to pray often.I feel that this is why the temptations are really overwhelming.I also have to keep in mind that whenever I do resist any temptations,they can come back stronger than before due to the resistance of them.I have to keep that in mind constantly.I hate it when temptation comes around and I also hate it when I give into any temptations when they come around.While I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life,I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.I also need some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things constantly day in and day out.They both help out in a lot of ways.They can help boost self confidence and self esteem the more that they are used and offered.Again,please continue giving me your prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I was also hoping to attend my usual Thursday morning Holy Bible study group,but I wasn't feeling very good.My right leg was hurting me badly as I could barely walk on it.My head was also pounding painfully,but I took something for that and I rested.Later on,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
Before I did anything,I went out to shovel the walk for the mail people and I also cleaned off my car while I was warming it up.Before I left the house,I phoned a locally living friend to see if it was okay for me to pick up the Christmas gift that he had for me,which he said that I could come.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
It was a wonderful gift of a few dollars that I could use.After some socialization with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I decided to do a little bit more personal PC work and register the few dollars that I got at the Where's George site.After that,I decided to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to watch a couple more holiday themed videos that I hadn't gotten around to watch during the time leading up to the holiday.After that,I decided to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA.My struggles with SSA are made more difficult with the psychiatric double whammy that I have.At times,I hear voices telling me to do things that are wrong and sinful and I also hear sounds that nobody else hears,such as voices calling out my name and footsteps following me when I walk and every time that I turn around,there is always nobody there at all.It's bad enough that I have to put up with the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA,but having the psychiatric double whammy of BPD/Schizophrenia makes the struggle with SSA even more difficult.Today,I did give into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and yes,there were sexual images of men clouding my mind and I wound up ejaculating.After washing my hands,I asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sins and I also accepted full and total responsibility for my fall into sin.I pleaded with my Heavenly Father for his mercy and asked for forgiveness as I was truly sorry for what I did.I hate it when I fall short.After finishing,I felt much better as I truly knew and believed that I was forgiven and that the slate was wiped clean.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my everyday life.I need to do that.While I am working on that,I am again asking for prayerful support by my fellow blog followers.I am also again asking for some more positive words of encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things to help keep me going.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I was also hoping to attend my usual Thursday morning Holy Bible study group,but I wasn't feeling very good.My right leg was hurting me badly as I could barely walk on it.My head was also pounding painfully,but I took something for that and I rested.Later on,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
Before I did anything,I went out to shovel the walk for the mail people and I also cleaned off my car while I was warming it up.Before I left the house,I phoned a locally living friend to see if it was okay for me to pick up the Christmas gift that he had for me,which he said that I could come.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
It was a wonderful gift of a few dollars that I could use.After some socialization with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I decided to do a little bit more personal PC work and register the few dollars that I got at the Where's George site.After that,I decided to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to watch a couple more holiday themed videos that I hadn't gotten around to watch during the time leading up to the holiday.After that,I decided to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA.My struggles with SSA are made more difficult with the psychiatric double whammy that I have.At times,I hear voices telling me to do things that are wrong and sinful and I also hear sounds that nobody else hears,such as voices calling out my name and footsteps following me when I walk and every time that I turn around,there is always nobody there at all.It's bad enough that I have to put up with the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA,but having the psychiatric double whammy of BPD/Schizophrenia makes the struggle with SSA even more difficult.Today,I did give into the temptation to manipulate my genitals and yes,there were sexual images of men clouding my mind and I wound up ejaculating.After washing my hands,I asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sins and I also accepted full and total responsibility for my fall into sin.I pleaded with my Heavenly Father for his mercy and asked for forgiveness as I was truly sorry for what I did.I hate it when I fall short.After finishing,I felt much better as I truly knew and believed that I was forgiven and that the slate was wiped clean.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my everyday life.I need to do that.While I am working on that,I am again asking for prayerful support by my fellow blog followers.I am also again asking for some more positive words of encouragement in the comments section.I need both of these things to help keep me going.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Merry Christmas,Everybody.
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit real quickly and I headed for church for the Christmas Day morning worship service.
The Christmas Day service was wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my casual clothes.After that,I headed over to my niece's house for a little lunch and after that,I headed back home to do some personal PC work.After that was done,I headed over to my sister's house for some dinner.
The dinner was wonderful and after hanging out with them for a while and talking,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and did some more personal PC work.After that,I watched a few holiday themed videos and DVD's.I then prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA.Today,I was minimally tempted to indulge in fantasies and lusting after other men,but since I was busy celebrating the holiday with my friends in church and my family,it took my mind off of these things.I didn't have anything to worry about.I had a wonderful day with my church friends and my family and that kept my mind on positive things and also,it actually removed the immoral images from my mind.I can thank my Heavenly Father for that and I will be before I turn in for the evening.I just relaxed for the rest of the evening and I enjoyed watching the few holiday themed videos and DVD's.Though I escaped today,there is always tomorrow and the days after tomorrow.I have to stay alert and look out for any terrible temptations.I am again asking for prayerful support from my fellow blog followers and also,I am again asking for some words of positive encouragement.I am always in need of these things.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my Thursday morning Holy Bible study group,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit real quickly and I headed for church for the Christmas Day morning worship service.
The Christmas Day service was wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my casual clothes.After that,I headed over to my niece's house for a little lunch and after that,I headed back home to do some personal PC work.After that was done,I headed over to my sister's house for some dinner.
The dinner was wonderful and after hanging out with them for a while and talking,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and did some more personal PC work.After that,I watched a few holiday themed videos and DVD's.I then prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA.Today,I was minimally tempted to indulge in fantasies and lusting after other men,but since I was busy celebrating the holiday with my friends in church and my family,it took my mind off of these things.I didn't have anything to worry about.I had a wonderful day with my church friends and my family and that kept my mind on positive things and also,it actually removed the immoral images from my mind.I can thank my Heavenly Father for that and I will be before I turn in for the evening.I just relaxed for the rest of the evening and I enjoyed watching the few holiday themed videos and DVD's.Though I escaped today,there is always tomorrow and the days after tomorrow.I have to stay alert and look out for any terrible temptations.I am again asking for prayerful support from my fellow blog followers and also,I am again asking for some words of positive encouragement.I am always in need of these things.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some encouraging words in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continues positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my Thursday morning Holy Bible study group,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,despite some setbacks with Yahoo mail,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed in a pair of jeans to go out and shovel the walk for the mail people to come later on when they deliver the mail.It took me several minutes,but I got it done.I also cleaned my car off of snow that fell overnight while I was sleeping.After that was all done,I went back into the house to relax and enjoy a few more holiday themed videos and DVD's.
Later on,I decided to have an early evening meal as I was going to go to the evening's Christmas Eve church service.I got dressed up in some neat dress clothes and headed for church for the service.
The Christmas Eve church service was wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my dress clothes and into night clothes.I prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA.The SSA struggle is actually more difficult for me mainly due to the psychiatric double whammy that I have.I have to put up with hearing voices and sounds that nobody else hears,which only I can hear and it does get pretty draining both emotionally and energy wise.As a result of these things,I get overwhelmed by temptations to act out in other ways other than going out to seek out men to indulge in sinful sexual activity with.I get tempted to fantasize and lust when sexual images of men cloud my mind and I also get tempted to manipulate my genitals to these sexual images,which motivates the lusting of these sexual images of men.Today,I was tempted,but tried to keep myself busy with doing the things around the house that needed to be done.I shoveled the walk for the mail people and also,anticipated the Christmas Eve worship service tonight at church and that took my mind off of these immoral things.Still,I am a work in progress and I am still doing a psychological house cleaning of everything that causes me to stumble and fall in regards to my struggles with SSA.I need to keep telling these unnatural sexual desires that I have that I own them and they don't own me.It's easier said than done,but I know that it can be done with the right motivation.I still need to work on getting tough with myself and also,I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life.Fellow blog followers,I am asking that you continue offering prayerful support for me and also,a nice encouraging comment in the comments section would be appreciated.I need both of these things day in and day out.Please continue doing these things for me and also,I will pray for all of you at the same time.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I will be going to church for the Christmas Day morning worship service.I will also be celebrating the holiday with my family and visiting with a friend who lives locally.When that's all over,I will simply relax and watch a movie or two until it is time for me to retire for the evening.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,despite some setbacks with Yahoo mail,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed in a pair of jeans to go out and shovel the walk for the mail people to come later on when they deliver the mail.It took me several minutes,but I got it done.I also cleaned my car off of snow that fell overnight while I was sleeping.After that was all done,I went back into the house to relax and enjoy a few more holiday themed videos and DVD's.
Later on,I decided to have an early evening meal as I was going to go to the evening's Christmas Eve church service.I got dressed up in some neat dress clothes and headed for church for the service.
The Christmas Eve church service was wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my dress clothes and into night clothes.I prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA.The SSA struggle is actually more difficult for me mainly due to the psychiatric double whammy that I have.I have to put up with hearing voices and sounds that nobody else hears,which only I can hear and it does get pretty draining both emotionally and energy wise.As a result of these things,I get overwhelmed by temptations to act out in other ways other than going out to seek out men to indulge in sinful sexual activity with.I get tempted to fantasize and lust when sexual images of men cloud my mind and I also get tempted to manipulate my genitals to these sexual images,which motivates the lusting of these sexual images of men.Today,I was tempted,but tried to keep myself busy with doing the things around the house that needed to be done.I shoveled the walk for the mail people and also,anticipated the Christmas Eve worship service tonight at church and that took my mind off of these immoral things.Still,I am a work in progress and I am still doing a psychological house cleaning of everything that causes me to stumble and fall in regards to my struggles with SSA.I need to keep telling these unnatural sexual desires that I have that I own them and they don't own me.It's easier said than done,but I know that it can be done with the right motivation.I still need to work on getting tough with myself and also,I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my life.Fellow blog followers,I am asking that you continue offering prayerful support for me and also,a nice encouraging comment in the comments section would be appreciated.I need both of these things day in and day out.Please continue doing these things for me and also,I will pray for all of you at the same time.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I will be going to church for the Christmas Day morning worship service.I will also be celebrating the holiday with my family and visiting with a friend who lives locally.When that's all over,I will simply relax and watch a movie or two until it is time for me to retire for the evening.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Monday, December 23, 2013
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only one thing on my agenda today.
I went to my bank to withdraw some much needed money as next Monday,weather permitting,I am hoping to get out to another AMVETS thrift store in another area of the next county.I am hoping that the weather will be decent next Monday as AMVETS thrift stores will be having a 1/2 off sale and I want to get some good stuff and I am hoping that the weather will be decent for that.After withdrawing the money,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the money in a safe place and I relaxed while watching a few more holiday themed DVD's.
After eating,I decided to simply continue relaxing while watching a few more holiday themed DVD's.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and the terrible SSA struggle,which is made harder by the psychiatric double whammy that I have.I have to constantly put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia and the up and down emotional roller coaster ride of BPD.At times,I hear things that nobody else hears,such as voices calling out my name and footsteps,which make me turn around to see if anybody is there,only to find nobody.At times,the voices even try to get me to indulge in sinful fantasies and lusting of other men and to manipulate my genitals with these sexual and fantasy styled images clouding my mind,which is how my struggles with SSA are made even more difficult.The thing is that I can't let the unnatural sexual desires that I have dominate me nor dictate to me how I will act as a person or how I live my life.I have to let these unnatural sexual desires that I have know that I own them and not the other way around.I also have to stay in the fight and continue to work on being strong,as it is a sin to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I have to keep in mind that this type of sexual activity is immoral,unclean,impure and also,just plain wrong.I get tempted to act out in various ways every day.I have to keep telling these unnatural desires that I have that acting out on them is not approved of by my Heavenly Father as his sacred word,the Holy Bible,condemns this sort of sexual activity.Not only that,I have to keep on with the fight because if I were to throw in the towel and give up,I would be giving Satan and his minions what they want,which is something that no believer in Christ can do.Why?Though Satan has great anger according to the Holy Bible book of Revelation 12:12 says,he still takes great joy when a believer in Christ falls short and instead of asking our Heavenly Father to forgive them in the name of his son Jesus Christ,they decided to throw in the towel and go back to the sinful sexual lifestyle knows as the so called "Gay" lifestyle and as a Christian,I can never do that.Regarding my mental health,I am still in therapy for that and I am still taking my medication as directed.I simply don't share my SSA struggles with my therapist and the nurse practitioner at the local hospital's mental health clinic.Why?Because the mental health therapy industry is so one sided in regards to SSA.The vast majority of mental health therapists simply don't understand nor will they take the time to understand the struggles that we people who struggle with SSA have.Their way is simply advise anyone that instead of struggling,why not embrace the identity and go out and live your life as such and not feel guilty nor ashamed of it.This simply means to simply accept the false identity of "Homosexual/Gay" and go out to live our lives in sin regardless of the consequences,both physical and emotional,later on.I only share my SSA struggles with trusted Christian ministry leaders,other trusted Christians who struggle or other trusted Christians who understand,although they don't struggle,because they give the much needed support and understanding that most mental health professional practitioners don't give.I also feel better sharing my SSA struggles with them because they give understanding,support both verbally and prayerfully and don't judge when you share the struggles openly.I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me and to also please leave me some positive and encouraging words in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,which will be Christmas Eve,I have plans to attend the Christmas Eve evening worship service in church tomorrow evening.I haven't gotten anything else planned,but I hope that positive benefits come with whatever I choose to do.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only one thing on my agenda today.
I went to my bank to withdraw some much needed money as next Monday,weather permitting,I am hoping to get out to another AMVETS thrift store in another area of the next county.I am hoping that the weather will be decent next Monday as AMVETS thrift stores will be having a 1/2 off sale and I want to get some good stuff and I am hoping that the weather will be decent for that.After withdrawing the money,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the money in a safe place and I relaxed while watching a few more holiday themed DVD's.
After eating,I decided to simply continue relaxing while watching a few more holiday themed DVD's.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and the terrible SSA struggle,which is made harder by the psychiatric double whammy that I have.I have to constantly put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia and the up and down emotional roller coaster ride of BPD.At times,I hear things that nobody else hears,such as voices calling out my name and footsteps,which make me turn around to see if anybody is there,only to find nobody.At times,the voices even try to get me to indulge in sinful fantasies and lusting of other men and to manipulate my genitals with these sexual and fantasy styled images clouding my mind,which is how my struggles with SSA are made even more difficult.The thing is that I can't let the unnatural sexual desires that I have dominate me nor dictate to me how I will act as a person or how I live my life.I have to let these unnatural sexual desires that I have know that I own them and not the other way around.I also have to stay in the fight and continue to work on being strong,as it is a sin to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I have to keep in mind that this type of sexual activity is immoral,unclean,impure and also,just plain wrong.I get tempted to act out in various ways every day.I have to keep telling these unnatural desires that I have that acting out on them is not approved of by my Heavenly Father as his sacred word,the Holy Bible,condemns this sort of sexual activity.Not only that,I have to keep on with the fight because if I were to throw in the towel and give up,I would be giving Satan and his minions what they want,which is something that no believer in Christ can do.Why?Though Satan has great anger according to the Holy Bible book of Revelation 12:12 says,he still takes great joy when a believer in Christ falls short and instead of asking our Heavenly Father to forgive them in the name of his son Jesus Christ,they decided to throw in the towel and go back to the sinful sexual lifestyle knows as the so called "Gay" lifestyle and as a Christian,I can never do that.Regarding my mental health,I am still in therapy for that and I am still taking my medication as directed.I simply don't share my SSA struggles with my therapist and the nurse practitioner at the local hospital's mental health clinic.Why?Because the mental health therapy industry is so one sided in regards to SSA.The vast majority of mental health therapists simply don't understand nor will they take the time to understand the struggles that we people who struggle with SSA have.Their way is simply advise anyone that instead of struggling,why not embrace the identity and go out and live your life as such and not feel guilty nor ashamed of it.This simply means to simply accept the false identity of "Homosexual/Gay" and go out to live our lives in sin regardless of the consequences,both physical and emotional,later on.I only share my SSA struggles with trusted Christian ministry leaders,other trusted Christians who struggle or other trusted Christians who understand,although they don't struggle,because they give the much needed support and understanding that most mental health professional practitioners don't give.I also feel better sharing my SSA struggles with them because they give understanding,support both verbally and prayerfully and don't judge when you share the struggles openly.I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me and to also please leave me some positive and encouraging words in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,which will be Christmas Eve,I have plans to attend the Christmas Eve evening worship service in church tomorrow evening.I haven't gotten anything else planned,but I hope that positive benefits come with whatever I choose to do.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and was surprised that my alarm didn't go off.When I got up and out of bed,I saw that my alarm clock was flashing 5:31am this morning and when I went to check the time on another clock,I saw that it was 7:40am in the morning.I had discovered that while I was sleeping,the power went out and I saw that a few of the electric clocks had a flashing time or no time on them.
I hurriedly jumped into the shower and showered quickly.After I dried up quickly,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I hurriedly got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church.I spent much of the time waiting for the car to warm up working to get ice off of my windows and windshield that had accumulated as a result of the freezing rain that we had last night.I worked as fast as I could and when I had gotten the vast majority of the ice off,I drove to church and it was pretty tough driving there as I had to drive carefully over the slick roads and I also had to watch out for fallen tree branches and other wooded messes around on the streets as a result of the freezing rain storm last night.Fortunately,I made it to church all in one piece and was ready for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,where everyone there thanked me for sending them Christmas cards,I headed straight home and it was easier getting home as a result of the change in the rainy weather pattern,though I still needed to look out for downed tree branches and even some electrical wires down.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a sweatsuit.I did my personal PC work and after that was finished,I watched a few holiday themed videos.
After eating,I relaxed and watched a few more holiday themed videos and DVD's.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia and my daily struggles with SSA.I never know what will happen when it comes to the psychiatric double whammy that I have or the SSA that I struggle with.Today,I was tempted throughout the afternoon,but kept busy with watching holiday themed videos and DVD's.I kept watching them religiously.I have plenty of them.Today,it wasn't a very big problem,but tomorrow and the subsequent days after tomorrow have their own troubles and anxieties.Temptations can come when least expected and I never know when a temptation will come around.I am still working on getting tough with myself.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my daily life.I have to show the unnatural sexual desires that I have that I won them and that they don't own me.I know that this is easier said than done,but I know that I can do it with the help of my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.Please continue in prayer for me and please continue to leave me some words of positive encouragement.I need them both as they do keep me going and show that I am not alone.They also help keep me on the path to change and continue searching for myself in regards to my manliness and finally connecting with my true identity,which is male.I need to connect with my true male identity as I have never connected with it as a result of the physical and emotional abuse that I suffered at the hands of my father and also,his legalistic ways that screwed me up and is the main reason for my struggles with SSA.There were other contributing factors,such as being the victim of sexual abuse at the hands of other members of my gender and also,being the victim of a pedophile at three separate intervals of my life.With the help of my Heavenly Father,his son Jesus Christ and also,the helpful prayerful and positive verbal support of my fellow man,I can overcome SSA and also,transcend from it into my true male identity.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early to mid morning and was surprised that my alarm didn't go off.When I got up and out of bed,I saw that my alarm clock was flashing 5:31am this morning and when I went to check the time on another clock,I saw that it was 7:40am in the morning.I had discovered that while I was sleeping,the power went out and I saw that a few of the electric clocks had a flashing time or no time on them.
I hurriedly jumped into the shower and showered quickly.After I dried up quickly,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I hurriedly got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church.I spent much of the time waiting for the car to warm up working to get ice off of my windows and windshield that had accumulated as a result of the freezing rain that we had last night.I worked as fast as I could and when I had gotten the vast majority of the ice off,I drove to church and it was pretty tough driving there as I had to drive carefully over the slick roads and I also had to watch out for fallen tree branches and other wooded messes around on the streets as a result of the freezing rain storm last night.Fortunately,I made it to church all in one piece and was ready for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,where everyone there thanked me for sending them Christmas cards,I headed straight home and it was easier getting home as a result of the change in the rainy weather pattern,though I still needed to look out for downed tree branches and even some electrical wires down.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a sweatsuit.I did my personal PC work and after that was finished,I watched a few holiday themed videos.
After eating,I relaxed and watched a few more holiday themed videos and DVD's.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle with BPD/Schizophrenia and my daily struggles with SSA.I never know what will happen when it comes to the psychiatric double whammy that I have or the SSA that I struggle with.Today,I was tempted throughout the afternoon,but kept busy with watching holiday themed videos and DVD's.I kept watching them religiously.I have plenty of them.Today,it wasn't a very big problem,but tomorrow and the subsequent days after tomorrow have their own troubles and anxieties.Temptations can come when least expected and I never know when a temptation will come around.I am still working on getting tough with myself.I am still working on making frequent prayer a part of my daily life.I have to show the unnatural sexual desires that I have that I won them and that they don't own me.I know that this is easier said than done,but I know that I can do it with the help of my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.Please continue in prayer for me and please continue to leave me some words of positive encouragement.I need them both as they do keep me going and show that I am not alone.They also help keep me on the path to change and continue searching for myself in regards to my manliness and finally connecting with my true identity,which is male.I need to connect with my true male identity as I have never connected with it as a result of the physical and emotional abuse that I suffered at the hands of my father and also,his legalistic ways that screwed me up and is the main reason for my struggles with SSA.There were other contributing factors,such as being the victim of sexual abuse at the hands of other members of my gender and also,being the victim of a pedophile at three separate intervals of my life.With the help of my Heavenly Father,his son Jesus Christ and also,the helpful prayerful and positive verbal support of my fellow man,I can overcome SSA and also,transcend from it into my true male identity.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ
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