Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only one thing on my agenda today.
I went to my bank to withdraw some much needed money as next Monday,weather permitting,I am hoping to get out to another AMVETS thrift store in another area of the next county.I am hoping that the weather will be decent next Monday as AMVETS thrift stores will be having a 1/2 off sale and I want to get some good stuff and I am hoping that the weather will be decent for that.After withdrawing the money,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the money in a safe place and I relaxed while watching a few more holiday themed DVD's.
After eating,I decided to simply continue relaxing while watching a few more holiday themed DVD's.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and the terrible SSA struggle,which is made harder by the psychiatric double whammy that I have.I have to constantly put up with the hallucinatory effects of Schizophrenia and the up and down emotional roller coaster ride of BPD.At times,I hear things that nobody else hears,such as voices calling out my name and footsteps,which make me turn around to see if anybody is there,only to find nobody.At times,the voices even try to get me to indulge in sinful fantasies and lusting of other men and to manipulate my genitals with these sexual and fantasy styled images clouding my mind,which is how my struggles with SSA are made even more difficult.The thing is that I can't let the unnatural sexual desires that I have dominate me nor dictate to me how I will act as a person or how I live my life.I have to let these unnatural sexual desires that I have know that I own them and not the other way around.I also have to stay in the fight and continue to work on being strong,as it is a sin to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I have to keep in mind that this type of sexual activity is immoral,unclean,impure and also,just plain wrong.I get tempted to act out in various ways every day.I have to keep telling these unnatural desires that I have that acting out on them is not approved of by my Heavenly Father as his sacred word,the Holy Bible,condemns this sort of sexual activity.Not only that,I have to keep on with the fight because if I were to throw in the towel and give up,I would be giving Satan and his minions what they want,which is something that no believer in Christ can do.Why?Though Satan has great anger according to the Holy Bible book of Revelation 12:12 says,he still takes great joy when a believer in Christ falls short and instead of asking our Heavenly Father to forgive them in the name of his son Jesus Christ,they decided to throw in the towel and go back to the sinful sexual lifestyle knows as the so called "Gay" lifestyle and as a Christian,I can never do that.Regarding my mental health,I am still in therapy for that and I am still taking my medication as directed.I simply don't share my SSA struggles with my therapist and the nurse practitioner at the local hospital's mental health clinic.Why?Because the mental health therapy industry is so one sided in regards to SSA.The vast majority of mental health therapists simply don't understand nor will they take the time to understand the struggles that we people who struggle with SSA have.Their way is simply advise anyone that instead of struggling,why not embrace the identity and go out and live your life as such and not feel guilty nor ashamed of it.This simply means to simply accept the false identity of "Homosexual/Gay" and go out to live our lives in sin regardless of the consequences,both physical and emotional,later on.I only share my SSA struggles with trusted Christian ministry leaders,other trusted Christians who struggle or other trusted Christians who understand,although they don't struggle,because they give the much needed support and understanding that most mental health professional practitioners don't give.I also feel better sharing my SSA struggles with them because they give understanding,support both verbally and prayerfully and don't judge when you share the struggles openly.I am again asking that y'all continue praying for me and to also please leave me some positive and encouraging words in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,which will be Christmas Eve,I have plans to attend the Christmas Eve evening worship service in church tomorrow evening.I haven't gotten anything else planned,but I hope that positive benefits come with whatever I choose to do.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ