Tonight,my road to recovery continues moving forward,though still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I left the house to do some necessary and personal work.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some more money for myself.After that,I headed over to the post office to mail out an important payment.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and I also registered some bills at the Where's George site.After that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up some groceries that my mom wanted me to get.After paying for those,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up some necessary personal items.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a DVD that I popped in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go onward,it is still a rough and rocky at that.Since I have BPD,I am always on an emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I don't know if my mood will be up or if my mood will be down.It is a very continuous thing.I sometimes wish that I didn't have to go through something like this.Aside from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.The only things that I can continue to do is to continue seeking my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that someday soon,I will get a break from this emotional roller coaster ride and start feeling good for a while rather then this up and down thing that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated an erection away.Later on in those same wee early morning hours,I got yet another morning erection that woke me up out of deep sleep,but that died the minute that I started to move.I really felt bad about this particular episode.I gave into the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires and though the fall was emotional,it is still considered acting out.I don't want to act out on these unnatural desires in any way,shape or form anymore,but I do give into the temptation to do so at times and when I do,it makes me miserable and I feel guilty for doing so.Again,I don't want to act out anymore as acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.On a daily basis,I still get tempted to go out and seek other male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I willfully choose to stay home rather than give into that temptation to do anything immoral,such as having sexual activity with another man.I want to be strong and I want to give up this terrible and unclean habit of masturbation.I don't want to masturbate anymore.Again,if anyone has anything that can help me,please share and I will use it to the best of my own ability.Thanks.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual in the morning and in the afternoon,I will be going to the laundromat to do my laundry as it is beginning to pile up.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the as I had only a few things planned.
There really wasn't much to do today as a result of having rain for the majority of the day.But I did have a few things planned.I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a box of herbal Echinacea tea.After paying for that,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and myself.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the money that I had at the Where's George site and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,which I had to go back out and get it from a local restaurant,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery moves forward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I have to continually put up with the symptoms of BPD on a daily basis.I have to also put up with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I can never predict when my mood will be up or when it will be down.It is just a constant struggle to try and keep yourself emotionally balanced when having BPD and putting up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I am going to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one of these days,my mood will improve and I will feel good for quite a while rather than this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was another throbbing erection at that.Since I had to use the bathroom,I got up and headed for the bathroom and the erection softened as I was heading for there.After using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this temptation episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.The temptation to act out on them can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form of it is,will never give me what I truly need and want.I need real friendships with other men and I want to be affirmed in my gender identity and have feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I want to feel like a man as I am a man and I want to be A MAN among men.I still get tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them.When that temptation rolls around,I choose to simply stay home and not satisfy nor feed that temptation.Aside from that,I also get tempted to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation and at times,I do give into that temptation,but lately,I have chosen to stop myself midway whenever orgasm is about to happen.Aside from SSA,I also struggle with psychological secondary erectile dysfunction as a result of all the abusive things that I went through,including legalistic religious groups,such as the cult that I dropped out of when I was younger and my overbearing religious fanatic father,who was also very legalistic in his approach to me and also,clashes with impulses on both the Homosexual and Heterosexual fronts as I used to get repeatedly pressured and called names by people all because I never gave them what they wanted.Plus,I also think that even the psychiatric medication that I take also has a hand in it as well.I sense that it is psychological because I can get erections while I sleep in the wee early morning hours and I can get myself erect by simple manipulation,although orgasm happens too fast.I really want to stop this terrible,impure and unclean masturbation habit.Masturbation,whether it is emotional or sexual,is a form of acting out and like other forms of acting out on these unnatural desires,it only reinforces that Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.Again,I have seen that there are many visitors to my blog and that they read the posts that I make.I did receive some advice from one person and I am using it to the best of my ability.Still,I am open to any suggestions or advice as to how I can continue to resist any temptation.I know that a lot of you are reading,but nobody is leaving anything positive or encouraging to me.Please leave something that will encourage me or something positive that will help me.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a Men's Network meeting that I must attend.Aide from that,I have no other plans,But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward,though it is still a rough and rocky one indeed.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things planned.I first went to my weekly spirituality group and that went as well as expected.After that was over,I headed for a local kitchen to have lunch and after eating,I headed over to a local supermarket to turn in some more empty bottles and after collecting my refund from those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player while doing so.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,it is still a very rough and rocky one at that.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD.I am still continuing to go through the usual emotional roller coaster that goes with the territory of having BPD.I can never predict how my emotions will be from one day to the next.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that someday soon,my recovery from BPD will start improving and I will start to feel good for a while rather than put up with this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really use all of my strength to resist this temptation as it was a really strong one.I tried to toss and turn,but the erection still wouldn't soften.I had to get up and walk around some until the erection died down.I went back to sleep when that happened.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires in any way,shape or form can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I just have to continue using all of my strength to resist each and every temptation that comes my way.The struggle with SSA is definitely no picnic.I have to continually put up with every facet of this condition and the unnatural desires that go with it.I am still tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I willfully choose to stay home and not give into that temptation.Acting out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I am constantly in a fight to stay sexually sober,but these unnatural desires really make it extremely difficult for me to stay sober.Again,I appeal to those who read my blog posts regularly and follow it,please leave some encouragement for me and some practical and helpful advice and/or suggestions as to how I can continually stay strong when these desires try to take control of me.Please share something encouraging to me.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I did have only one thing planned for today and I wanted to get it done.
I had only one place to go.I simply went to a local store to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply popped a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed while watching it.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.I am still having to struggles with the symptoms of BPD.It is never an easy struggle to deal with.I have to put up with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that some day soon,my recover will start improving and I will feel good for a long time rather than this continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really fight this overwhelming urge to masturbate this erection away.I tried to toss and turn,but it didn't work.But then,I felt that I needed to use the bathroom,so I got up and walked to the bathroom and while walking there,the erection died down.After using the bathroom,I went right back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have in any way,shape or form,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also have to continue keep in mind that God never intended sexuality the way that the world is using it at the moment.God intended for each of us,male or female,to be healthy and happy Heterosexuals.In God's eyes,we are all Heterosexual as that is what God intended us to be.I simply look at myself as being a Heterosexual man with a Homosexual problem.Right now,the only thing that I truly want and need is healthy and authentic relationships with my fellow man so I can feel like a man and be A MAN among men.I still get tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek out male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I willfully choose to stay home and also,I choose not to satisfy nor feed that temptation.I am still seeking advice and/or suggestions as to what has worked for anyone who continues to follow this blog.I have been getting people checking out what I post on here,but nobody leaves anything encouraging or helpful.To those who check out and read,please leave me an encouraging and helpful comment or two.I need to get by and only the help of people,especially from my fellow men,can get me by.I am applying advice that someone else has given me and I am using it,but I am still open to anything more.Please help me.Thanks in advance for doing so.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.After that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.I had only a couple of things planned.
I first went to the local Dollar Tree store to pick up something for snacking.After that,I went to the nearby supermarket to pick up something else that was needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,it is still a very rough and rocky road that I walk on.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is always a crushing and stressful thing to put up with.I never know how my mood will be from one day to the next.It is a constant ride that never seems to end.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier.I will still continue to attend my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start to improve and I will start feeling good for a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection.This temptation was really overwhelming and I really had to use all of my strength to resist this temptation.I really had the urge to grab my genitals and simply masturbate them,but I resisted.I simply got up to go to the bathroom and while on the way there,the erection died down.After using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am still getting tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out with them,but I simply stay home when that temptation happens and I willfully refuse to satisfy or feed that temptation.I still have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also have to keep in mind that God never intended for sexuality to be used in the way that the world is using it for.Again,I am still asking for any help in how to resist these temptations.I seek advice and/or suggestions as to what has worked for you.I see that my blog posts get many viewings,but nobody leaves anything.Please leave an encouraging comment or two or something that can and will help me.Thanks in advance for doing so.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Happy Memorial Day to all my fellow Americans out there.
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,though it is still rough.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my personal PC work was done,I had myself a quick lunch and I got dressed.I had only had a few things planned for the day and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to a local supermarket to turn in some empty cans and bottle that had accumulated in my trunk.After doing that and picking up the money,I headed over to the nearby Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of small things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues onward,the road is still a rough and difficult one.Day after day,I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am continuously on.I don't what days I will be up or what days I will be feeling down.It is always unpredictable.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD,which makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will continue to attend my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good for a long time to come rather than the up and down emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated.I did feel terrible for that terrible fall last night and I was again tempted later on in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a morning erection that was also another throbbing one.Yes,I gave into that temptation last night and I am sorry that I did as it didn't make me feel any better nor any more whole that I am striving to be.It just made me feel miserable.Though this was an emotional fall,I still acted out and that was what made me feel terrible.Also,getting that wee early morning hour erection,which also tempted me to do it again,was also not a help.I want to stop this terrible unclean and dirty habit,but I am having a really difficult time doing that.I don't know what to do nor what to try.I haven't been watching any online porn lately as I am trying to push that out and I haven't watched that in a long time,though it hasn't been easy.I avoid porn or at least try to as I get tempted to watch it every day.I also still get tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as I said before,I willfully choose to stay home and not give into that temptation as acting out will never give me the fulfillment that I truly need and want.The struggle gets even more difficult day in and day out.I so desperately want to heal from these unwanted and unneeded unnatural desires as I don't want to have them anymore.If anyone out there can help me,please do so.I see that there have been many visitors and viewers to my blog,but nobody leaves anything encouraging.I would really appreciate something encouraging and something that might help me with this difficult problem that I have.I know that God never intended sexuality to be this way and he also never intended for any humans he created to be Homosexual as his sacred word,the Holy Bible,condemns such practices by calling them unnatural and downright sinful.Again,though I did receive some advice and I have been using it to the best of my ability,I am still seeking more and more suggestions or advice.Thanks in advance for sharing anything.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go onward,though it is still a rough and rocky one.I had a wonderful and very eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed into a suit and I headed out to the church.I always look forward to attending church each and every week and this morning was no exception.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
Both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards were wonderful.This morning's service was a lot longer than usual as it was confirmation Sunday and the first Sunday of Pentecost.Still,it was a wonderful service and we had triple the amount of people in attendance and there was a lot of wonderful fellowship afterwards.After all of that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and after hanging it up,alongside my shirt and belt,I put on a pair of sweatpants and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I had a quick lunch and after eating that,I headed outside to the car to clean out my trunk of loose empty cans and bottles that were in it and I put them in a couple of trash bags so I can turn them in tomorrow in the early afternoon.After that was done,I went back into the house to relax and I popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,I must say that the road that I am on is a rough and rocky one indeed.I am still having to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is a really difficult struggle to deal with.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and feeling not so good.I put up with this on a daily basis.Aside from the symptoms of BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that someday soon,my recovery will start improving and that I will start to feel good and continue feeling good for a while,instead of this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really fight this temptation as it was stronger than all the other temptations that I have had previously.I tried tossing and turning,but it wouldn't soften.I then got up to walk a little and that is when the erection died down as I headed for the bathroom and after using it,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me the fulfillment that I crave and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I still get tempted to go out out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I willfully choose not to give into that temptation as I choose to stay home and not feed nor satisfy that temptation.I see that people do visit and read the posts that I make here,but are leaving nothing in the comments.Please,if there is anyone out there that can give me anything that may or could help me.please share.I am open to anything.Though I was advised by a fellow follower to try reading and I have been doing that,I still would like to know what any or all of you tried that helped you and why and how it worked for you.Thanks in advance for any answers.
Tomorrow,I have only one thing on my agenda.I am going to turn in all the bottles and cans that I have in the trunk at the store.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ