Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go onward,though it is still a rough and rocky one.I had a wonderful and very eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed into a suit and I headed out to the church.I always look forward to attending church each and every week and this morning was no exception.I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
Both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards were wonderful.This morning's service was a lot longer than usual as it was confirmation Sunday and the first Sunday of Pentecost.Still,it was a wonderful service and we had triple the amount of people in attendance and there was a lot of wonderful fellowship afterwards.After all of that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and after hanging it up,alongside my shirt and belt,I put on a pair of sweatpants and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I had a quick lunch and after eating that,I headed outside to the car to clean out my trunk of loose empty cans and bottles that were in it and I put them in a couple of trash bags so I can turn them in tomorrow in the early afternoon.After that was done,I went back into the house to relax and I popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,I must say that the road that I am on is a rough and rocky one indeed.I am still having to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is a really difficult struggle to deal with.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.I don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and feeling not so good.I put up with this on a daily basis.Aside from the symptoms of BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions.I am also going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that someday soon,my recovery will start improving and that I will start to feel good and continue feeling good for a while,instead of this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really fight this temptation as it was stronger than all the other temptations that I have had previously.I tried tossing and turning,but it wouldn't soften.I then got up to walk a little and that is when the erection died down as I headed for the bathroom and after using it,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I also have to keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me the fulfillment that I crave and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I still get tempted to go out out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I willfully choose not to give into that temptation as I choose to stay home and not feed nor satisfy that temptation.I see that people do visit and read the posts that I make here,but are leaving nothing in the comments.Please,if there is anyone out there that can give me anything that may or could help me.please share.I am open to anything.Though I was advised by a fellow follower to try reading and I have been doing that,I still would like to know what any or all of you tried that helped you and why and how it worked for you.Thanks in advance for any answers.
Tomorrow,I have only one thing on my agenda.I am going to turn in all the bottles and cans that I have in the trunk at the store.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ