Happy Memorial Day to all my fellow Americans out there.
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,though it is still rough.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my personal PC work was done,I had myself a quick lunch and I got dressed.I had only had a few things planned for the day and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to a local supermarket to turn in some empty cans and bottle that had accumulated in my trunk.After doing that and picking up the money,I headed over to the nearby Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of small things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues onward,the road is still a rough and difficult one.Day after day,I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am continuously on.I don't what days I will be up or what days I will be feeling down.It is always unpredictable.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD,which makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will continue to attend my therapy sessions.I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good for a long time to come rather than the up and down emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated.I did feel terrible for that terrible fall last night and I was again tempted later on in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by a morning erection that was also another throbbing one.Yes,I gave into that temptation last night and I am sorry that I did as it didn't make me feel any better nor any more whole that I am striving to be.It just made me feel miserable.Though this was an emotional fall,I still acted out and that was what made me feel terrible.Also,getting that wee early morning hour erection,which also tempted me to do it again,was also not a help.I want to stop this terrible unclean and dirty habit,but I am having a really difficult time doing that.I don't know what to do nor what to try.I haven't been watching any online porn lately as I am trying to push that out and I haven't watched that in a long time,though it hasn't been easy.I avoid porn or at least try to as I get tempted to watch it every day.I also still get tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but as I said before,I willfully choose to stay home and not give into that temptation as acting out will never give me the fulfillment that I truly need and want.The struggle gets even more difficult day in and day out.I so desperately want to heal from these unwanted and unneeded unnatural desires as I don't want to have them anymore.If anyone out there can help me,please do so.I see that there have been many visitors and viewers to my blog,but nobody leaves anything encouraging.I would really appreciate something encouraging and something that might help me with this difficult problem that I have.I know that God never intended sexuality to be this way and he also never intended for any humans he created to be Homosexual as his sacred word,the Holy Bible,condemns such practices by calling them unnatural and downright sinful.Again,though I did receive some advice and I have been using it to the best of my ability,I am still seeking more and more suggestions or advice.Thanks in advance for sharing anything.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ